Dead Honkey - latest additions

The Adult Weather Channel

The Adult Weather Channel

Dave: "Rainy days always make me think about my own mortality. It makes me think I'm going to go out of this world the same way I was brought into it."
Brian: "Me too."

Dave: "Bloody and screaming?"
Brian: "Naked and inside a woman's uterus."

Putting the Vice Back in Advice

Putting the Vice Back in Advice

Ev: "So what are your hobbies?"
Batboy: "DEATH! DEATH AND TORTURE! POOPIE PLAY AND THEN MORE TORTURE! DIEEEEEEEE!!!!"
Dave: "I get the sense Ev's blind date isn't going very well."
Brian: "She really just should've taken my advice and flashed him the goodies. What date goes wrong with that?"

Schmoe Camel

Schmoe Camel

Dave: "Since Jadine started working, our cat's been driving us nuts. It's ruining our floors."
Brian: "Aww, what did the widdle kitty-cat do?"

Brian: "Is the widdle dickens scratching the carpet or something?"
Dave: "Not quite."

Dave: "Dammit, will you put that thing out in the ashtray!!!"

Potty Humor

Potty Humor

Brian: "You know, Dave, I often consider the existence of God to be not unlike a paper toiletseat cover. Intellectually, you know it doesn't do a damn bit of good. But it's reassuring when you're in less than savory surroundings."
Dave: "Brian, don't talk to me in the bathroom. We have rules about the bathroom."

It's Good for the Gander

It's Good for the Gander

Brian: "I just don't care for those 'Saw' movies, all that hacking people's limbs off. Can you imagine anything more horrifying to view?"

Olivia: "Yes. Your penis."

Brian: "She's catching on."
Dave: "Takes the sport out of it, I wager."

Duncing in the Dark

Duncing in the Dark

Dave: "Brian. Really. Don't turn on the goddamn flashlight. I really don't want to know."
Brian: "That's your hand, right? What is that a hand? Something's being frisky..."

Yay, Dick Jokes!

Yay, Dick Jokes!

Brian: "Have you ever wondered what my penis tastes like?"
Dave: "What? Of course not!"

Brian: "Oh."

Brian: "I wouldn't finish that pudding then."
Dave: "Obviously, I won't be keeping it down, either."

Dodger Dogs Will Never taste the same.

Dodger Dogs Will Never taste the same.

Dave: "I still don't understand the purposes of your new job at Major League Baseball."
Brian: "It's all about boosting attendance through promotion."

Brian: "People want to see public displays they'll never see anywhere else. What could be better than public displays of mastering one's domain? I mean when was the last time you went down to the ballpark?"

Dave: "Bat Night at Yankee Stadium. 1996. Three dead, eighteen wounded, no convictions."
Brian: "Ya gotta find the love, Dave. Even if it's just self-love."

Let's Give Him a Hand!

Let's Give Him a Hand!

Satan: "So after all that, the the lawyer from Major League Baseball showed up with goons?"
Dave: "Yep. Two of them. They must have been alone with Brian for over two hours."

Satan: "My goodness, was he badly hurt?"
Dave: "You will never believe this, but..."

Brian: "Ladies and gentlemen of the press, I am honored to join the MLB staff as their new director of in-house public events, and I hope to provide the organization the type of skills I have spent perfecting in every waking moment."

Switch Hitter at the Plate

Switch Hitter at the Plate

Brian: "Alright! Another great game! They're on a winning streak! If I hadn't roughed up the prisoner twice already, I'd definitely be sporting a chubby!"
Dave: "This can't possibly end well, Brian. Somebody is going to catch you."

Lawyer: "Hello, I'm from the Major League Baseball Coporation. We'd like to talk with your friend. ALONE."
Dave: "Brian, your ride to the emergency room is here."