Moose River - latest additions

moose river deluxe - by philippe van lieu

moose river deluxe - by philippe van lieu

The non-straight edge student never regained consciousness.

Later Richie got in a fist fight with another straight-edge kid because that kid was an alcoholic who went clean.

Richie said the other kid wasn't straight edge to begin with and wanted him to stop being a poser.

When Richie was 25, he grew up.

moose river deluxe - by philippe van lieu

moose river deluxe - by philippe van lieu

Richie Kopinski

Richie Kopinski was straight edge since he was 14.
POSERS: "sXe crossing", "minor threat"

He rejected alcohol, drugs, caffine, and other stimulants.
GUY: DUDE, my Nodoz!

He also wasn't into sex.
TEACHER: Huh.
PAPER: Kopinski, Sex-Ed Text: "Who cares, I won't need it."
POSTER: Sperm, Egg, Baby

When he was sick, he decided to fight it off because cough syrup had alcohol in it. He almost died.
FATHER: I don't think he'll notice.
BOTTLE: "10% alcohol"

When Richie met some non-straight edge classmates of his, he was paralyzed with rage...

And struck one of them in the head with a lead pipe.

moose river deluxe - by philippe van lieu

moose river deluxe - by philippe van lieu

Octavia Gremillion

Octavia Gremillion was born to an Asian father and a French mother.

She was a quiet little girl in school, as she was teased a lot for her glasses and braces.

She loved art and spent more time drawing than doing her school work.

During college, she began work on a line of popular ungerground grrl comics....

And eventually got a number of comission jobs doing urban artwork for various local events.

After college she spent 10 years as a bus driver for the county.

moose river deluxe - by philippe van lieu

moose river deluxe - by philippe van lieu

Roxanne Johnson

Roxanne Johnson was a feminist in college. She hated men.
POSTER: "We can do it!"

When she was 5, her father had molested her in the swimming pool behind their house.

During college, Roxanne sought to destroy all male-only clubs.

After college, Roxanne started a computer firm. In 1985, she was sued for sexual discrimination.
MAN BEING KICKED: Ack!

In 1999, she was destined to become the richest CEO in all of Silicon Valley.
FORTUNE MAGAZINE: "Femitech CEO Roxanne Johnson; 'How I made my billions.'"

After the new economy collapsed, Roxanne had a sex change.
POSTER: [nothing]

moose river deluxe - by philippe van lieu

moose river deluxe - by philippe van lieu

Betty got straight A's in high school and went to college.

After college she divorced Greg...

And three other husbands...

Before settling down in an urban setting working as a nurse at a hospital.

moose river deluxe - by philippe van lieu

moose river deluxe - by philippe van lieu

Betty Wilson

Betty Wilson was a sweet little girl in elementary school.
BETTY: Giggle!

She always would win the lead role for all of the school plays.

And even managed to play Jesus once in the school's Christmas play.

Betty loved little horsies and one day drempt to live on a farm.

In high school, Betty dated Greg Lance, the captain of the football team.

They won Homecoming Queen and King of the prom in their senior year of high school.

moose river regular (2006-01-10) - by philippe van lieu

moose river regular (2006-01-10) - by philippe van lieu

SHEA: One... Anne wants to bury her dead kitty... so we need some S-2 forms and a plot.
BRIAN: OK.

SHEA: And two... where's my weed, bitch?!
AVERY: So where'd you meet Shea, anyways?
ANNE: To be honest, I dunno.

ANNE: [narrating] Shea and I have been best friends since forever... most definitely before kindergarten.
ANNE: Boys are gross!
SHEA: Yeah!
ANNE: Let's be friends!
SHEA: OK!
BOY 1: HAHA you farted!
BOY 2: HAHA I rule

ANNE: It may surprize you when I say that Shea's goth thing is just for shits and giggles.
AVERY: Huh... so... she's a shit disturber?
ANNE: Pretty much. She does the goth thing now, but she'll change once we get used to it.

SHEA: Mind if we take Mr. Whiskers now?
ANNE: Oh... nope. Here you go!

ANNE: [narrating] Anyways, there was this one time in high school where Shea was a dentist for a week.
SHEA: Do your teeth hurt? They will now!!

moose river regular (2006-01-12) - by philippe van lieu

moose river regular (2006-01-12) - by philippe van lieu

ANNE: [narrating] On Halloween, Shea dressed in full Dakota Indian Regalia...
SHEA: MOMOMOMOMO!!
GENTLEMAN: Tonikeca he?! [Translated from Dakota: "What's wrong with you?]
SHEA: I'ma gunna scalpum you.

ANNE: [narrating] THen she started wearing this blue blue blazer for like a month straight.
ANNE: WHy are you wearing that? Again??
SHEA: I just feel like it...

ANNE: And then this other time Shea--
SHEA: Uh... Anne?

SHEA: We're not going to lie, but... there was a SLIGHT accident with Mr. Whiskers...

SHEA: But... check out that's in his neck...
ANNE: Hmm?

[Anne smiles as she sees a roll of $100 bills inside Mr. Whiskers]

moose river regular (2006-01-15) - by philippe van lieu

moose river regular (2006-01-15) - by philippe van lieu

ANNE: Hmm... $1000! If we split it up between the five of us, we get $200 each.
SHEA: Fine by me!

BRIAN: What a coincidence... it'll cost $200 to bury Mr. Whiskers! Aww... you lose your share!
ANNE: Well in that case, I'll just keep $400 and give you and Jessica $100 each.
BRIAN: D'oh...
SHEA: HAHAHA

AVERY: So after burying your cat, can we stop by a store? I need to pick up a few ESSENTIALS.
ANNE: OK.
SHEA: Me too... there's a party tonight. I need some liquor.
BRIAN: Can you buy me a 40?
SHEA: Yes.

[After hastily burying Mr. Whiskers...]
CLERK: Your total is $197.05.
AVERY: OK... here's $200

COIN MACHINE: KACHINK KACHINK KACHINK

[Avery puts the coins into his pocket]
COINS: [jingle jingle]

moose river regular (2006-01-17) - by philippe van lieu

moose river regular (2006-01-17) - by philippe van lieu

SHEA: So I was going through some old stuff in my room a couple of days ago... when I found some old pictures of Jeff when he was five.
ANNE: Really...

SHEA: Yeah... he must've given them to me when we were still going out, and I put it in a boc and forgot about it. BUt it's really WEIRD for me to look at the pictures...

SHEA: 'Cause I think to myself "I deflowered that five year old boy" even though he was 18... it just makes me feel like a pedophile.
ANNE: Ew!
SHEA: Think I should start growing a thick, bushy mustache?

SHEA: Hey! Check out this plunger! [ZIPP!]
ANNE: Eep!

SHEA: It's ribbed for HER pleasure!
ANNE: HAHA!
PERSON: Hey!

AVERY: You girls ready to go yet?
SHEA: Not yet...