[[ Baby and Weedmaster P are sitting at their computers. ]]
/ Baby: 'Member back in th' day when somebody sent'cha an interweb video all ye had t' be scared of was a screamin' zombie face at th' end?
/ Weedmaster P: MAN I DO MISS THOSE DAYS
[[ Baby and Weedmaster P are now standing; Weedmaster P holds an unplugged flat panel monitor displaying a screaming zombie face. ]]
/ Baby: Now ye get a video and it's somebody gettin' run over or beheaded or chopped up y a hilly-copter!
/ Weedmaster P: THE ENTIRE INTERNET HAS BECOME A HUGE SCREAMING ZOMBIE FACE
[[ Jeffrey arrives on the scene. ]]
/ Weedmaster P: NOW A SCREAMING ZOMBIE FACE IS LIKE SAYING "IN BED" AFTER YOU READ A FORTUNE COOKIE
/ Jeffrey: Actually you're supposed to say "dot com" after you read a fortune cookie.
/ Jeffrey: That's what "Web 2.0" is.
[[ Baby, Weedmaster P, and Jeffrey seated at a table littered with cracked fortune cookie bits and looking at their fortunes. ]]
/ Baby: "Nobody takes you seriously because you are poor and unfashionable"... dot com.
/ Weedmaster P: YOU LOSE MORE BLOOD FROM A SEVERED HEAD THAN FROM A SEVERED ARM
/ Jeffrey: Guys we have to start going to a different Mex-Asian restaurant.
[[ A scary, knife-wielding green zombie chef enters the room as Jeffrey looks at his fortune. ]]
/ Jeffrey: This one just has my social security number written hastily in pig's blood.
/ Scary Green Zombie Chef: DOT COMMM!!
Zombie Jeffrey: Baby, I'm home! Is it cool if we have a cat?
Baby: But... but... you're... you're DEAD!
/ Zombie Jeffrey: Uh, that was just like a sort of clerical error.
/ Zombie Jeffrey: Don't cats breathe?
Baby: But I spent all morning cramming your corpse into the rubbish bin.
/ Zombie Jeffrey: I always wondered how my feet would look pokin' out of that rug.
{{Mouseover Text: Little Brown Jug.}}
Zombie Jeff: The World of the Dead is horse shit! I'm just staggering around like an asshole! Zombie Jeff [[Notices a dead green cat]] Hey, that looks like some kind of drunken cat! Zombie Jeff: Come on, cat, we're gonna find a way out of this shit-hole and get back to America.
{{Title text: Down at the Old Bull and Bush}}
Baby: Jeffrey, you look like shit and you stink like rot!
/ Zombie Jeffrey: NYAARRGH
Baby: And that damn cat ehn't moved since you brung 'im home except to drink our booze when we ehn't lookin'!
Baby: Jeffrey, ever since you died I feel like we're... WHITE TRASH!
/ Zombie Jeffrey: I'm green.
Baby: Jeffrey, will you please go see a doctor, for me?
/ Zombie Jeffrey: I'M NOT MADE OF MONEY. LEAVE ME ALONE.
Baby: Yeah you are! Remember?
/ Zombie Jeffrey: All right but we're keepin' Joanna.
[[Joanna is standing with a bottle of Jim Beam somewhere in the vast mansion.]]
{{Mouseover Text: DEAD CATS PREFER JIM BEAM}}
Narrator: FIVE DAYS LATER
/ Jeffrey: It isn't five days later!
/ Narrator: WHATEVER MAN
Jeffrey: Tallahassee do you know if cats can get diabetes?
/ Tallahassee: People think their cats can get ADHD so i don't see why not.
/ [[Newspaper Headline: GOVERNMENT PAYING SOLDIERS TO FORCE RETARDED CHILDREN TO RAPE THEIR OWN PARENTS]]
Jeffrey (thinking): God dang it I gotta figure out why my cat is gettin so fat. I wonder if it's happening to other cats like an epidemic!
Jeffrey: Weedmaster P has your cat suddenly gained a lot of weight?
/ Weedmaster: MAN I AIN'T GOT A GOD DAMN CAT IT IS EXTREMELY CRUEL TO KEEP ANIMALS IN CAPTIVITY
/ Jeffrey: No it's not!
Narrator: 3 HOURS LATER, I TIMED IT
/ Jeffrey: Is he right, Joanna? Is it cruel to have snatched you from your home in Hell to live here with me in luxury only to loiter and grow fat and lardy?
Jeffrey: I just wish we could actually figure out why you're gettin' so damn fat!
/ Joanna (thinking): Well for one thing lasagna is not actually cat food.
Narrator: The Bangles - Walk Like an Egyptian
/ Zombie Jeffrey: Yello?
/ Weedmaster P: JEFF NINTENDO IS TOTALLY ABOUT WEED
Weedmaster P: IN RESIDENT EVIL THE WAY YOU GET POWER IS YOU TAKE A GREEN HERB
/ Zombie Jeffrey: I died.
Weedmaster P: ALSO IN MARIO GOLF TOADSTOOL TOUR THERE IS A LEVEL WHERE MARIO AND LUIGI SMOKE A FAT BOWL AND JUMP A GOLF CART OFF A RAINBOW.
/ Zombie Jeffrey: Man.
{{Mouseover text: Wario and Waluigi are methamphetimine addicts.}}
[[Jeffrey and Weedmaster P are at a computer]]
/ jeffrey: woah this wikimapia thing is like my two favorite things had a baby!
/ weedmaster p: what did dragonball Z have a baby with horse porn
/ jeffrey: No! Wikipedia and Google Maps!
[[A map is shown, highlighting two areas identified as "Zombie Hatchery" and "Zombie Factory"]]
[[Weedmaster P and Jeffrey look away from the computer and then at each other, without saying anything.]]
[[Weedmaster P and Jeffrey run out of the room.]]
[[Soon...]]
/ Jeffrey: Well, I'm not sure what I was expecting...
/ [[Jeffrey and Weedmaster P are running away from a hoarde of zombies, limbs missing and battered.]]
Baby: My, what a lovely day!
/ Jeffrey: Not nearly lovely enough, if you ask me. This is America. We deserve lovelier.
Jeffrey: Screw this! I'm goin' back inside to make up the greatest cartoon character in the history of Earth.
Jeffrey: I hope you brought some tissues, world, because your mind is about to get blown.
Jeffrey [[Voiceover]]: ROBOT MONKEY PIRATE ZOMBIE MUMMY NINJA HOBO COWBOY!
{{Mouseover text: ROBOT JESUS WOOKIEE CYBORG PIRATE ROBOT TALIBAN ZOMBIE MUMMY HITLER HOBO COWBOY MANGA}}
Hey Tallahassee do you got any of them Joanna clones left over?
/ They're not clones, Jeffrey. They're dolls. And they're $65.
/ And no.
Man I ain't got that kinda money. Anyway I accidentally squooshed the real Joanna so you can fix her with your old sewin' tools can't ya?
I don't know how to fix an alive cat, much less a <i>zombie cat</i> you <i>found in Hell</i>. I'm not a vegetarian.
"We can never replace lives, and we can't heal hearts... <i>except through prayer</i>.
/ That gives me an idea!
Jeffrey: Baby, write this down for me. "Yo, though I be walkin' through the Valley of the Shadow of Death, I shall fear no reaper, for I --"
Jeffrey: Gak
/ Jeffrey: Ack
[[A shot of Jeffrey lying back in his bed. He is obviously dead since his eyes are rendered as Xs]]
[[Jeffrey is standing and obviously a zombie, as he is green.]]
/ Jeffrey: Sweet! I mean, unnnnggghhh... BRAINS!
{{Mouseover text: Knees Up Mother Brown}}
