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[Mensa is reading a schematic] MENSA: Just as I thought. We shall enter from above. Let us bring the torch. / CHRIS: Are you sure we won't get caught? / MENSA: You are asking Mensa the Uncatchable if we will get caught? You surely jest. We will win / [Chris and Mensa start skirting the perimeter] CHRIS: What about security guards? / MENSA: Very much taken care of. / TALL GUARD: Gosh, it was nice of that man to buy us pizza. / SHORT GUARD: And it was a good pizza too / [as the guards finish up the pizza, a change takes place in their bodies] TALL GUARD: Oh no! That wasn't a good pizza after all! It was a bad pizza of zombifying death! / SHORT GUARD: I am now a zombie and I am dying / [While the guards are rotting from the inside, Chris and Mensa are trying to get inside the building] CHRIS: Okay, I am going to need to be forty feet taller for this to work / MENSA: This is a more accessible route / CHRIS: You are getting really good at forgetting to bring the rope / [Once on the roof, Chris cuts a hole using his blowtorch. they are inside in a matter of minutes, and there is the NIST clock] CHRIS: Wow! / MENSA: She is beautiful! / CHRIS: How the hell are we going to move this thing? / MENSA: Get the teleportopads out of the crime bag! / CHRIS: You are going to teleport it? / MENSA: Yes / CHRIS: Why didn't we just teleport in here in the first place? / MENSA: That would be too easy. Prepare for the teleportation! Disengage the power supply! / CHRIS: Disengaged / [the world goes blurry for Chris and Mensa for a moment. High above, a plane notices the change in the world] FAA RADIO: AA491, this is the FAA. You are on a collision course with NW3487. REPEAT: You are on a collision course! / [At the stock market, there is a panic] STOCK BROKER: What? The clocks are down? / ANOTHER BROKER: We are losing millions every second! / BROKER 3: SELL! SELL! / [Chris and Mensa have a beer on Mensa's island. on the horizon there is an explosion] CHRIS: That was pretty cool / MENSA: Yeah
http://chrisyates.net/reprographics/index.php?page=157
Oh Thunder Road and Malki!'s Version part 5
[At last, the journey to MOCCA is over. The convention begins] CHRIS: Finally it's time for us to do what we do best! / DAVID !: Sell out? / CHRIS: That's the ticket! / CHRIS (Narration): Colleen was warming up for vigorous free high-five delivery. / COLLEEN: To give the high-five is to BE the high-five / CHRIS (Narration): We were in a very senic spot, with the Dumbrella lads across the aisle from us, who primarily ate sandwiches and talked to people with video cameras. On our right was the mighty DayFree Press, the #1 place to meet tall cartoonists! Our stock of free minighosts was gone within hours! Here, Mr. Bell examines his new pal / BELL: Spoooky / CHRIS (Narration): Cristi, the shirt-wrangler of Questionable Content, picked up my orange vegetarian alien optimistic ghost! / CRISTI: He's so cute! / CHRIS (Narration): Some people were confused / MAN: What the hell is this? Where are the comics? / WOMAN: Are you from space? / CHRIS: Uber-fan Sarah Lee drew ghosts on her tote-bag and has ten toes! / SARAH LEE: Like, word! / CHRIS: Unlike some people I know / CHRIS (Narration): While David ! wasn't smacking Ryan with the Poop Joke stickers, he was making little girls cry with his 'Garfield is Not Funny' shirts. Our booth was a big hit / COLLEEN: Chris, I think the megaphone is scaring away the customers... / [Chris seems to have not heard her. He is using the advanced selling techniques he learned from the Evil Salesman] CHRIS: BUY IT! BUY IT! BUY IT!!! / CHRIS (Narration): After the end of business on Saturday, Ryan yet again put his strength on display by turning the Astor Place Cube / RYAN: EXTREME!! / CHRIS (Narration): However, his archenemy Jeph attempted to foil his plan by pushing the Cube IN THE OPPOSITE DIRECTION! Horrors! / RYAN: EEEERGH! / JEPH: GRAAA! / CHRIS (Narration): In the end, Canadian ingenuity defeated American might yet again / ROSEMARY: Can we go eat now? / CHRIS (Narration): Later, back at the Puck building... / CHRIS: So here we are at the official after-party, which is kinda like a high school dance, only five hundred times more awkward. / [Suddenly, some familiar faces emerge from the crowd] CHRIS: EGADS! Topekans! What are you doing here??? / RAZIEL: We do not do... we only be. / SNEAKY: Birds without wings will never fly / CHRIS (Narration): There was even a lady with a tamborine who sang about dead sailors and stuff / SINGER: The ship sunk... who would have thunk... that the pirate's trunk... was full of junk... / CHRIS: Look at all these people! Just look at them! Aren't they attractive?! / [And indeed they are. The group photo is a veritable who's-who of the web comic circuit. Andy Runton tries to put to words the feeling of being part of this rogue's gallery] ANDY: Badonkadonk / CHRIS (Narration): We then rode a magical elevator to the bowels of a subterranian karaoke establishment / [Steve grabs the mic and begins to sing] STEVE: OH OH THUNDER ROAD!! / CHRIS (Narration): Watching Steve perform is like watching Michelangelo paint the Sistine Chapel! / STEVE: AND ON AND ON AND ON... / CHRIS (Narration): it took a while. / SHANA: Dude, is Steve going to let anyone else sing? We're all paying 20 an hour! / STEVE: SHOOP SHOOP BADOOP! / ANDY: Badonkadonk / CHRIS (Narration): Eventually all thirty-four of us had a chance, and it was about five AM before we left. / CHRIS: I have now spent all my profits. Look at poor Rosemary! She's so tired / ROSEMARY: Actually, I just have a parking meter fetish / [Shana throws in her own two cents] SHANA: Cartoonists smell awful / [David Malki ! was there too, and he has his own version of the day's events in a segment called Malki!Graphics] / NARRATION: MOCCA Road Trip! Day 5! SoHo, New York City / COLLEEN: Hey, has anyone seen Malki this morning? / CHRIS: I don't know, I haven't seen him since the blacksuits hauled him off last night. Taking pictures in New York, what was he THINKING?! / COLLEEN: Should we, I don't know... set up his table for him? / CHRIS: Are you kidding? We've got enough of our OWN crap! He's been riding our coattails too long as it is. / COLLEEN: Hi, MOCCA! / FANS: Hey, it's Chris and Colleen! That means MALKI can't be far behind! I hear he's got some awesome merchandise! I heard he's sticking it to The Man, 24/7 / COLLEEN: I guess we could at least put his books out? Just until he shows up? / CHRIS: Okay, but don't make a big deal of it. / [With the merch in sight, the fans begin to circle] FANS: WONDERMARK MERCHANDISE! EVERYONE BUY IT BUY IT BUY IT ALL! WE CANNOT GET ENOUGH WONDERMARK! / [Fanboy turns up to get a picture of David ! in action] FANBOY: I heard David Malki was around here?! / COLLEEN: Um, no, he hasn't shown up yet for some reason. You might want to put that camera away, though... / FANBOY: NO WAY! If it means I get to go be with Malki, the camera stays out! I DON'T CARE! / [The day progresses, still no sign of David !] COLLEEN: No, I'm sorry. Malki isn't here. Yes, you can buy his books. Um... we have stuff for sale too, you know? / [The fans don't hear a word she is saying. Deprived of their Malki ! fix, they degrade to a zombie-like state, wandering the convention space repeating the magic name] FANS: MALKI / [Whispers start to circulate among the other cartoonists] ANDY: Did you hear? Malki's got a three-picture deal with Fox! / STEVE: I love Malki / JEPH: Malki's been knighted by the queen! / RYAN: Malki's made ten thousand dollars in the last hour... WITH CRAYONS AND GRAPH PAPER! / [MOCCA Day 1 draws to a close. David ! still hasn't shown up. The cartoonists leave the convention space and discuss the concern pressing on all their minds] STEVE: I wonder what happened to Malki? / SHANA: I thought Malki would make some grand entrance, but I didn't see him all day! / WOMAN: The world aches for Malki! / COLLEEN: Where could he be? / SNEAKY: Word on the street is that Malki is set to be executed at dawn. / MAN: No way! He'll come through! He HAS to! / GIRL: Either that... or die a martyr! / [At the after-party] CHRIS: Everyone was so concerned about freaking MALKI, I barely sold ANY toys or puzzles! / ANDY: Malki makes Owly sad, because Owly runs on money / DAVID !: Hey. who's that over there? / [They all look and what they see is the break-dancin'-ist entrance that anyone has made in the five buroughs in years] DAVID !: Malki's back, baby! / EVERYONE: HOORAY / [With David ! back in the house, everyone celebrates in the traditional style... with karoke!] EVERYONE (Singing): We can't go on together with suspicious minds and we can't build our dreams on suspicious minds / [Later] EVERYONE (Singing): Lord I never drew first but I drew first blood, I'm no one's son call me Young Gun / [David !takes the mic and sings for everyone] DAVID !: Blue on black, tears on a river... / CRISTI: Alright, Malki, you killed it / NARRATION: NEXT: Fin
http://chrisyates.net/reprographics/index.php?page=300
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