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Attack!!! / Ohhhhh -- Boy! / Flash! |
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I warn you -- I'm a witch and I know how to use it -- or something like that. / We know who you are Chelsea Chattan. It was your magick that drew us to you. It was your magick that revived us. We have come to say thank you. / We are the mages of this world. We have been in hiding for many years. You have helped us escape exile and so we will say thanks -- / -- by sending you home. |
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We must hurry. I can only portal you from outside and the Governor and his men are merely unconscious. / Where did he come from? I thought magic was dead here. / You can't KILL magick. Who told you that? / That bald she-Hulk. / It is a portal storm that is draining you -- no lack of magick. The Governor THOUGHT he had killed magick. His kind does not believe that magick exists in all things -- even himself. / A portal storm -- I should have known it was my fault. / Chelsea! Don't always blame yourself! / Many years ago the Governor set out to kill all of the mages. He nearly succeeded and only a handful of us remained. As our numbers dwindled so did our magick and we all became dormant. You flooded this world with your magick. It revived and refuelled us. / You have saved us all. I see not fault in that. / Goodbye. / It's beautiful -- breathtaking -- / But, it ain't home. |
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We may not be home, but we could still be on Earth. / I doubt it -- look! / Hey! Isn't that the witch we saw naked a while back? / Yes! And this time she brought a friend! Hehe. / Ohhhh, they're so cute. Look at 'em! / I think we better go. / Cute?! Cute?!! / Every @%$*# time!! |
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I th-th-think we w-w-w-were b-b-b-better off with the elves. / Let's portal out of here before we freeze our h-h-heinie's off! / Right Ch-ch-ch-chelsea? / Oh no -- n-n-n-not again. |
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Come on Chelsea!! Snap out of it!! We're going to freeze to death if you don't get us out of here! I need you girl! / I -- I'm so weak -- I need to rest -- just a little while -- / We could be dead in a little while! Chelsea -- please! / There is a cave up there. I guess it's up to me. / Come on Chelsea -- we're going for a little walk. |
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Come on girl -- just a few more steps -- / Hey! Hey! Don't you dare fall asleep on me! We're friends for life -- remember! / I remember. It's funny, here you are saving me again. / Yeah -- right. / New York City, New York -- 1996. I was an intern at a local dive of a television station and you were hostess of a freak show -- I mean art show. / You want me to cover an art exhibit? But I don't know anything about art. |
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I mean -- I am VERY eager to go on an assignment, but -- isn't there someone more qualified? / OF COURSE!! -- But he's an asshole -- and has pneumonia. Look Slabagel it's just a fluff piece not the damn world ending. / You better go get Gary and head out. That art gallery is expecting you any time. / Aye sir! / And show some leg Slabagel -- the public demands it! / I am showing my legs and the name is Svoboda! |
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This is it girl -- my first assignment in the Big City -- / Let's go get bloody. / Help! / ? / Ya!! / What are you doing!? |
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THAT WAS ART?? / It was a performance piece -- albeit very kitsch. Our visiting artist does all his paintings in his own blood -- we were playing off of the old vampire flicks. Didn't your producer tell you? / No he didn't. / Sorry Robin -- it was just a joke. We do it to all the interns. / That was very cruel! / Piss off! It's not like I'm getting paid extra or nothing. / Robin wait. / The name is Raven. / My name is Chelsea and I guess I'm kind of new in town too. I'm sorry for yelling at you earlier -- this was the first time I've been involved in the art. I usually just stand around and smile. / It's not your fault. / Let me duck out of here and buy you a cup of coffee or something -- okay? / You're on, but no coffee -- I need "or something" tonight. |
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I think if I drink three more of these beers I could really get poopfaced. / Poopfaced? / I'm a professional now and so I can't just say shitfaced in front of anybody. / You can say shitfaced in front of me -- we're friends now. / Awwww -- that's sweet. / You know what Raven? / What? / I think we're poo-poo -- we're shitfaced. / Hee! |
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New York City is like a giant Disneyland for adults. / You must really love it here. I'm from Oklahoma -- this place is too claustrophobic for me. / Oklahoma? / Where the wind comes sweepin' down the plain? / And the corn is as high as an elephant's eye! / You have elephants in Oklahoma? Boy -- I bet it gets mmmmmmmessy in that cornfield. / Funny. |
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SPIDERS!!! I hate 'em! My sister -- Corrine used to put them in my hair when we were little girls. / Of course I hate to admit it any -- fear, but as I said earlier I am slightly claustrophobic -- and silly me had to move up to New York City -- land of giant closed in buildings. / Yeah, it does sound silly if you think about it. / Silly? Silly?!! / Who's afraid of the itsy-bitsy spider? Huh? Huh?! Ohhh, ticklish too? / HeeHee! |
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Oh dear Lord -- heehee - let me catch my breath. You ARE the little devil aren't you. / I do try. / You never told me where you were from, Chelsea. / Oh, it's a little town called Haven on the southern coast of North Carolina -- it's a quaint old beach town -- sort of. / I guess you don't have too many beaches in Oklahoma. / Not unless a twister drops one near by. |
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Haven is sort of a strange place -- not the same kind of strange New York is though. Haven is more -- weird. / I used to hear odd noises at night back home. I hear them here too, but Haven has more of a FEELING to it -- / And one very oddly colored cat -- / Oh God -- a New Age freak. / The thing is -- New York, for all its glamor, excitement and danger -- nothing weird ever happens here. |
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I wanted to play softball in college, but those Oklahoma winds blew in another direction. I shattered my ankle in a game and there went softball. / While I was recuperating my dad bought me a video camera. I played with it some, but when I got better I started shooting Amber -- my little sister's softball games. / I went from playing softball to reporting it and I must say I don't regret it. / Like the man said -- life it what happens to you while you're busy making other plans. / So true. |
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I know one thing -- I should never have let that joke bother me like that. Should have let it slide down my back. / I was just so excited to be going out on assignment. It was at least something other than running to get videos. / Hell, who am I kidding. Mostly I ran to get doughnuts for the staff. / It's going to get better just like I know my situation will get better. I bet within threes years max we'll both be doing some very exciting things. / I think I made a very good friend tonight. / For life. / You bet. / Thanks I feel better already -- in fact I feel quite cozy -- yeah, I feel warm and -- sleepy. / Yep -- YAWN -- I just need a quick, refreshing -- little -- nap. / Raven? / RAVEN!! |
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Ohhh, Raven -- no. / Oh Raven no what? / YOU'RE ALIVE! / Of course I'm alive I was only sle -- / Uh -- we need to talk. |
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I guess we do need to talk but first I need to see if I can get us out of here. / Preferably somewhere warm! / Here goes! / Zap! / Blue boy! Fetch me a bottle of Guinness and make it snappy! / Hey! Make that THREE bottle and then leave us -- ALONE. |
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Hmmm... two women just popped into my hot tub. Either I'm dreaming -- I slipped and hit my head -- or blue boy slipped me a Peyote Bud. / So girls -- tell me which one it is and we'll give this hallucination a whirl -- if you know what I mean. / It would be safe to say we are from an alternate -- uh, universe. / Hi. / Ohhhhh, so we're talking what -- The Valley, Hollywood, Venice -- Oregon? / Hmmmm. |
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We are from ANOTHER universe -- as in not this one. / You didn't pop in from the reactor? / No -- You see -- I'm a witch and I created a portal with this spell and -- / Ha Ha Ha Ha Hahahaha Hahahaha Ha Ha! Ha Ha Haha! / Ohhh my -- I need to laugh like that more often -- wheww! Hehe. / Want me to punch him? |
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I AM a witch -- whether you believe that or not is up to you. / So then -- are you a good witch -- or a baaaaaad witch? Hehe. / At the moment I think she's a pissed off witch. / CHELSEA! Don't lick yourself there -- it's RUDE! / Weird. / ! |
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Hey, you said this was a hallucination -- besides you're scoring. Didn't you see that movie with that chick? She only turned into a cat when she was -- AROUSED. / And when she turned back she was naked -- what about that? Huh? Huh? / Of course to turn back she had to kill somebody -- odds are she's not going to eat her little girlfriend -- soooooo. / It's only a hallucination! A specter from a few bottles of beer! A ghost from -- oh hell, get back here you coward!! / Ahhhh, she got her paw-paws wet. |
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And viola! We have clothes! / Finally! / It's just a glamour spell. We're actually quite naked at the moment. / HOWEVER -- you have to be strong in magick to see us that way -- sorry. / Okay, let's look at this rationally -- if that is possible. Should I give up my belief system just to see two girls naked? Could I do that for a simple gratuitous glance? I mean the beer is ALL GONE and there is no pizza, so what is the point? / I have a better idea. You're going to take a nap and dream that you are the KING of all you survey -- Guiness beer will trickle down like a waterfall -- a hundred and more beautiful women will be at your beck and call -- / they will worship you as the genius you are -- and the air will smell like strawberries. / I like cherries. / Okay. It's cherries. / I'm going to sleep now. / Good boy. / Chelsea, are you all right to -- do your thing? / Actually, I'm feeling great! / Good! 'cause there's a GIANT ROBOT ANT coming this way! / Let's get out of here! / Hey! What happened? We came to join the party! / Zzzzzzz / / / Zap! / So now -- we're on a deserted island -- does this mean we're in the Gilligan's Island universe or the survivor universe? / Oh -- funny. / Fortunately we shan't be here long enough to find out -- okay?! / Hold on a sec. Before you zap or faint we need to have a talk about that little KISS. |
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The kiss, well -- / You fell asleep in the cave and it was so cold that I thought that well -- you know, but then when you responded I was just so excited that I guess I got carried away. / Carried away?! I thought you were going to go on a tongue safari! / You have a crush on me don't you Chelsea. |
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Well la-di-da -- I have a crush on Raven -- you know I would never do anything to hurt our friendship. / I KNOW that -- I guess I've know about your feelings for a while too. That kiss you gave me in ELEANOR'S castle -- it seemed to say more than "Hey, how ya doing?". / So -- how long have you been -- well -- / I'm NOT gay -- I'm just -- confused. |
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I don't care if you're gay, bi straight, or -- whatever! All I care about is that we're friends -- close friends, great friends -- / -- but only friends. / I think Jubal's ultimate fantasy just went down the tubes, but I think I can handle it. / Although -- I suppose I should wonder about you -- starting all those tickle fights. |
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I do have to wonder about a girl who loves to WRASTLE around with all her other GIRLFRIENDS -- / That's enough! I'm short! Those tickle fights are my only defense! You know me! Secretly I'm a sadistic bitch! / Secretly? / Can we say DING DONG THE WITCH IS DEADMEAT!! |
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I may not have a crush on you, but I do admire you. All the things you've been through and still manage to go on and all those things you can do -- / Well thanks -- / In fact you're my favorite superheroine! / I'm not a super hero. / Ahhhh, but you'd look so CUTE in spandex! / Ooooh -- Wonderbitch powers -- activate!! / Oh shut up!! |
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What in the world is that? / A whole lot of really mad shrimp? / ! / -- A-A-A-A-A -- / It's time to get out of here! / Super d'uh! / Every time I come home to use the bathroom somebody has to visit. |
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