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I was being chased by a horrifying monster when suddenly the -- thing veered away from me. I immediately came here and jumped through the window. / You couldn't come through a door? / Master! / Help me, master! The gypsy girl! She's been -- attacked! / Time for that already? My God!! We haven't even had dessert yet! |
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We were strolling along the hillside -- together and suddenly -- she was so nice -- suddenly a monster uh -- attacked her. / Are you okay? / Did it hurt you?! / Did you egg it on?! / Well -- it -- / It felt me up! / Really? She tried to EAT me! / She??!! |
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You know the monster who -- VIOLATED the poor gypsy girl and I would dare gamble that her name is -- / Lady Chelsea?! / Surprise!! / And we weren't even on a date -- how dare you?! / I begged Professor Jubal to help relieve me of my terrible curse, but he would have no part of it. / Is this true? Did you refuse this demon from an all consuming and eternal agonizing Hell the Christian help it needed? / Actually, I'm from Translyvania. / There is no help for this poor unfortunate creature -- unless -- / Well?! / I'm taking a pause for dramatic effect. |
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Would you please tell me how to cure my curse? / You can't take the patch? / I can't take the patch. / Then DEATH is the only cure for your horrible curse! / Death is my cure? Hello? Dr. Kevorkian ain't what I need right now! |
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Jill! Glad you could come! You look bitchin! / Thanks babe! You look heavenly! / Donde esta' su hija? / She's coming , but listen babe, you need to brace yourself. Her costume is a bit out of the ordinary. / Oh please. I've seen that girl as a Dom, a Playboy Bunny, Elvira -- nothing that girl shocks me. / OH -- MY GOD!! |
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Yes, Lady Chelsea! I am afraid that DEATH is your only outlet! / Oh, go ahead. / To end your curse you must be shot with a silver bullet -- fired from a gun bought on a Sunday -- on the good side of town -- on a sunny day -- by the one person in the whole wide world that loves you enough to blow your brains out -- on Candlemas Day! / Candlemas? That's Groundhog Day! / It is? Gee? |
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Well, this is new. / I wanted to do something different since I lost some weight and cut my hair -- / I dare say it is different. I'm surprised my old uniform still fits you. / Well, I did have to tuck it in here and there. / Okay, not funny! / Hey guys! / Houston, we have a problem. |
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I can't die until Groundhog Day?! That's months away and such a icky holiday. / There is another way, but it's drastic. / More drastic than say -- death?! / You can marry me and we can live happily ever after. / Hmm, that could work. / And so Professor Jubal and Lady Chelsea wree married and sweet Chelsea was never bothered by the curse again. / Several weeks later the Gypsy girl moved in as a maid -- apparently. / Ah - Professor Jubal and Lady Chelsea -- they were quite a pair, eh? I am quite sure they had some times as they lived happily ever after. / I'm sure we all would have like to have been a fly on that wall. / Skee! Skee! Skee! / Sorry, Dr. Delambre. |
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What happened? / One punch. / But-but she's a werecat, an assassin, a witch, a - a -- / I'm -- Irish! / What happens now? / The winner chooses the losers fate. / And now back to the Pokemon Chainsaw Massacre here at Shock Theater! / Bloody hell. |
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And that's why they call it Fall. / Congratulations. You figured it all out. |
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I want to thank you, Lucy, for coming in a little early. We need to go over a few things before you start your new job. So much to do -- / Did you say you worked best with Freehand or Quark? / I'm cool with either one. / Great! / Here is your CELL, although we do allow more than bread and water for lunch, hehe. / Hee hee. / Ma'am, is that a pentangle? / Yes. I'm Wiccan, but I don't practice as much as I should. Too busy. / My former roommate was a witch -- of sorts -- among other things. / We're up. I need to create a new login for you. When I'm finished setting it up just type in a password you'll remember -- okay Lucy? / Lucy? -- LUCY? / That -- / -- plane. |
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Still smoking. Jezz, what a mess. / Mess don't even come close. The smoke, the smell, -- it's terrible. / I hope they get the camel jockey bastard that did this. / Camel jockey? Why they're just little kids. |
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What did you say about kids and camels? / Children are sometimes used as jockeys for camel races. This happens all over the world and they are the victims, not the terrorists. / Lady, you're crazy. I ought -- / Hey, hey I got it. Two beers. / Thank you, but -- I never drink -- beer. |
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You don't like beer? / I prefer other drinks. / I'd be glad to order you something else. / I'm sure you would. / They don't have what I -- drink. By the way my name is ROSE. Are you from around here? / Yes -- I mean, no -- I mean -- well, I did grow up in the neighborhood. |
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I grew up around the neighborhood. Been gone a while -- came back for my brother's funeral. / He wasn't in the Towers? / No. Accident -- if you can call drunk driving an accident. / Kicker is -- he was the drunk. |
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I'm sorry about your brother. / I'm not sure I am. We were never very close. / I don't really know why I came here. / I ran away when I was very young. Since then I suppose you could say that family has become important to me -- family and -- home. / I'm from some little SPOT on the coast of North Carolina called -- / Haven? |
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No freakin' way you came from Haven. / I did. / I've been in Haven for ten years. I've never seen you. Did you run away with your teddy bear? / I'm older than I look -- well -- / This is me. / Huh? / My apartment. / Oh. / Why don't you come up. I'm a little hungry and I think a BITE would do us both good. / Sure! |
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I thought we killed you forever. / You did. / It's the memory of what happened in this room that lives on. / That will never die. / I can't sleep. Every time I close my eyes I'm in that room again. / When I get up in the morning I wake up in that room -- weary before I even begin my day. / I brush my teeth in that room. I shower in that room. I eat in that room. I kiss Jubal in that room. / I am forever in that room. It is my life now and that will never -- / Change. |
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W-what -- what is this? White hair? / What the hell is going on now?! / Thank you for calling Mrs. Cartwright. I am sorry for your loss. / Grandma? / Chelsea, I'm afraid I have some very bad news. |
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Lucy's -- gone? / She had just started her new job at the World Trade Center when the terrorists -- / I am so sorry kitten. I wish I was not the one who had to tell you all this -- especially during this -- time. / What did you do to your hair? |
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Grandma -- I don't think I can take it -- oh, Lucy -- / Wham! / Oh dear. / You think? |
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I'm going to call Jacob -- you -- / I am well ahead of you. / I will track Miss Chelsea and make sure there are no incidents. / She needs this time as her-SELF. She has not morphed since her ordeal. Do not fret Madam. I am sure -- / -- everything will be just fine. |
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I would not do that if I were you. / Stalking a child -- and a friend of yours no less. I dare say that is quite beneath you. / Swat! / Someone has a little temper. Very well then. Follow me. |
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Creatures with a strong connection to magick often have a strong connection to their primal selves. / That goes triple for you. / Therefore we need to create a regimen in which you may work out your aggressions in a primal manner. This will be a start. / Bon appétit. |
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I realize it's been a slow month for news locally, but do you know what a chicken coop is Paul? / Of course, Mr. Virago. / Then why does this read "Wild animal devours chickens in coup"? / I didn't know that chickens lead such complex lives. / But according to this the very structure of their centralized government has been devoured in a violent Coup d'etat. / Was the fox tired of the bad rap? / Actually they think it was a large cat -- / I don't care if it was the Big Bad Wolf! / You're the assistant editor here and assistant editors can't make mistakes. They have to be perfect. Up until a few weeks ago that was you. What the hell happened?! / I've been having -- my wife and I are having problems. / Oh, is that all. Just take her out to dinner, give her some flowers or whatever and nod a lot. That should fix it. / Yes sir. That should fix it. |
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I see you're holding vigil again and making sure the yard is still there. / I'm sorry, Cyn. I just hate to see you like this. / Tell me. What is it? I can't take begin alone in our home. What did your mother say to you? / Was it something about Chelsea? |
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Thank you Mrs. Monroe for seeing me. I need to talk to you. Don't turn me away this time. / What's wrong with my wife? What did you tell her the other day? / YOU wouldn't believe me. / It has to do with Chelsea, doesn't it. What happened? / I can't -- I can't tell you. |
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You can't tell me what you told Cynthia -- or you WON'T? / Paul, it's not what you think. It hurts even to utter the words. / Your daughters are in pain. I think I can help Cynthia, but you have to help me first. / OKAY! / OKAY! -- Okay. Chelsea was -- tortured by a fifteenth century sorceress who nearly became a Goddess. |
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Chelsea was tortured by the Wicked Witch of the West? Is that what she told you? I knew she was flaky -- / Ruth told me, who found out from Jacob. Chelsea won't speak to ME! / You know what Chelsea is, but you can't admit it to yourself. That's the real problem! / I care for you a great deal, Paul, but if you're going to be part of this family you will have to open up your mind a whole lot more than you are willing to now. |
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Burp! / A Happy Thanksgiving to one and all... |
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Yes, I've seen Chelsea change and it contradicts everything I hold dear. / I believe in God and I believe in his Son. I don't know if I have room to believe in anything else. / Don't you think I've gone through the same thing?! I've had Chelsea change in my arms. I believe in what she is -- / And I believe in her. You don't have to lose your faith to believe in Chelsea -- or your wife. |
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We need to talk. / I uh, I had a talk with your mother. She told me what happened to Chelsea. / Did you believe her? / I'm - I'm not sure. / Then what do we have to talk about? |
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I can deal with this. / Eleanor, losing Lucy, -- the hair. I can deal with it. I have to. / I just have to accept that what happened to me was my fault. Eleanor was my fault, the girls she killed, the people I -- killed. All my fault. I got off light, if you think of it. / Hey, I beat the death penalty. Go me. / But, then I can't die -- except by my own hand. Hey, maybe that's my destiny -- or maybe just a coward's way out. / I can deal with this. I have to stop feeling sorry for myself. / I have to live and laugh. Letterman's making jokes about anthrax. Maybe I should make wicked witch jokes. / Hmmm, how many evil wicked witches does it take to torture another witch? / One, but only if the other witch deserves it! HeeHeeHee! / Yeah, I can deal with this. |
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Sometimes I think I ought to go back or at least call Jubal or something -- / But then there'sd be questions and a whole big mess. If Rose ever said anything it was never make a mess. / Funny. That's about the only thing that bitch did teach me before dumping me on my ass. / Hell, she never even told me why she made me. |
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