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Staying Alive Oboist: *scrape* / <> / *sharpen* / Goodbye, corners. / <> / AUGH. / Oboist: DIE, reed, DIE! / Oboist: No! No! I didn't mean it! LIVE, reed, LIVE! / {{I talk to my reeds all the time. Heather says if you love them, they will be nice to you.}}
Strange Fruit Ren: Sometimes I feel pretty average. / Damien: Average? You play the oboe! Oboists don't grow on trees, you know.
Qui-Gon Jim VII Jim: When 900 years of oboe you have played, look so good you will not.
Easily Amused EASILY AMUSED. / [[Moy blowing spit at someone through her oboe]] / {{This only works if you drool into your oboe like Jane.}}
R.I.P. Ren: Today we mourn the loss of Jim Mason's ponytail. It was a happy ponytail. Kinda floaty... Actually, that's pretty creepy. What's up with that? Anyways, it's in a better place now. / Moy: From now on, in honour of the late ponytail, we will draw Jim with his gravity defying ally anyways. / RIP / Jim's ponytail / {{The Sampson Effect: Jim cuts off his ponytail, and now I can't play the oboe!}}
 
Honing Steel Honing Steels Are Magical / Justin: Levicorpus! / Ren: Expelliarmus!
The Seventh Student: What the-- / Ren: Ooh, it's the seventh!
Key Changes Person 1: We share everything...books, food, pens, even most of our notes. / Person 2: We're like a closely related key!
Cadential Drama Person: You lied to me! / VI: Well I *am* Deceptive! / {But V and I made a home together, and you ruined it!}
In Case You Didn't Notice It Was "Terrible Theory Joke" Week Person 1: Then the Dominant said to the Tonic, "Get your own expansion!" / Person 2: Hahahaha, ha heehee, hoo...
 
It Has a Flavour Graham: Jim has been playing this reed, hasn't he? / Ren: How could you tell? / Graham: It tastes like chai.
Down in Flames The flames make me feel like I'm going fast!
Better Performance Person 1: I don't understand. The oboe is the most sensual and romantic of sounds. / Person 2: Yes, so? / Person 1: So why are so many of the "great" oboists old men? / Person 2: There's always Sufjan Stevens. That man is seriously sexy. / Person 1: My point exactly! Soof is a terrible oboist. The eargasmic recordings out there are from people like Dick Woodhams and John deLancie. / Person 2: I'm sure there are other kinds of great oboists. / Person 1: Sure there are...Evelyn Rothwell and Sarah Francis and so on. But the really well known recordings are by old white dudes. / Person 2: Maybe they perform better. / Person 1: You said it, not me.
We are such a needy studio. Heather: Is he even here? / Ren: Yeah. / Heather: Jim! / Jim: Well hello. / Ren: Fix our reeds, please? / A few days later... / Jim: *pushes bicycle* / Bush: *rustle* / Ren: Reed ambush! / Heather: Will you make our reeds pretty?
The Studio Ren: Behind this door is a black hole; a chamber which will suck you in and spit you out when you are at your wits' end, just about to crack. / Ren: Welcome to the studio. / Ren: Oh, I know it looks mundane...the oboists seem peaceful and hard at work." / Ren: But you will notice they speak a language more animal than human. / Oboist: Bzzt... / Heather: Caw! Caw! / Ren: And also that there are no windows. / <> / {{Mind the razor blades and shards of cane on the floor.}}
 
Sexual Binary Ferenc: ...And I'm writing this down to stop the confusion. It's "Sectional" not "Sexual". / Moy: Heh, heh. I didn't know Theory could be so...stimulating. / Person: Boo / {{Asymmetrical sexual binary makes me hot.}}
Mantra STAY ON THE TIP. STAY ON THE TIP. STAY ON THE TIP. STAY ON THE TIP. STAY ON THE TIP. STAY ON THE TIP...
If You Give a Penguin an Oboe... Penguin: I has an oboe! / Person: Silly penguin, oboes are for people. / Penguin: Noo, they be stealing my oboe!
Space Never refer to rests as "space" in the presence of a nerd. / Kid: Look, mom, oboes in space! / Kristen: I'm in space! / Ren: I'm in space! / {In space, no one can hear you cack that G.}
Fighting pt 1: The Beginning of a Beautiful Friendship Moy: ... / Ren: ... / Moy: ... / Ren: ... / Moy: ... / Ren: ... / Moy: You look funny. / Ren: Yeah, well our oboes are better than yours. / Moy: No one..ever...insults my oboe... / Ren: *worried* / [[Ren and Moy start fighting.]] / {{For reference, our oboes are almost exactly the same. Same brand, same model, same number of keys...but mine has a piece of tape in the bell.}}
 
Fighting pt 2: Teamwork Heather: Guys, can't we all just get along? / [[Ren and Moy stop fighting and look at Heather]] / Moy: Get her! / {{Run Heather! Run!}}
Haunting [[Jim is asleep]] / [[Jim's ponytail is floating in the air]] / Jim: AAAHH!!! / {{OH GOD SAVE THE OBOE}}
Gabriel's $%*@# Oboe Remember that scene from "The Mission" where Jeremy Irons is playing 'Gabriel's Oboe'? / And all the tribesmen are utterly fascinated, except for one guy. / He steals the oboe and breaks it. / and throws away the pieces. / Ren: I have to admit I'm rooting for that guy. / Ren: I'm sick of that stupid solo too.
Trombones Jim: You need to attack the note organically, not violently like a trombone. / Ren: Okay. / Jim: And I'll remember not to say that around trombones. They might bite me. / Ren: They do that. / Jim: Yep. Trombones. Throw 'em a load of meat.
Pirates vs Ninjas: Hallowe'en Moy: I see you went as a ninja. / Ren: Yeah. {Holy crap is your hair long...] / Moy: ? / Ren: Yeah, well , it's more oboe-like. / Ren: You see, oboists have to be stealthy at all times. They need to be swift and cool-headed. Oboes are like ninjas. / Moy: Oboes are given tones of solos. You don't NINJA your way through a solo. You have to stand out. Like a PIRATE. / Ren: {Like your mom?} / {{I totally ninja'd your mom last night, by the way. She didn't know what hit her.}}
 
Judged! Ren: I'm really nervous about my noon hour recital today. / Moy: Ah, don't worry, you'll be fine. We'll all be there to support you... / Moy: AND JUDGE YOU!!! / Moy: But you'll be fine... / {{The recital went FINE in case you were wondering.}}
Theodor Geisel Dick: You should have no problems playing this if your air is right and your tongue is light. / Ren: "If your air is right and your tongue is light"? / Aimee: That sounds like Dr. Seuss. / Joel: Man, someone should write Dr. Seuss for oboists. / Aimee: One Reed, Two Reed, Red Reed, Blue Reed? / Ren: The Better Bocal Book? / Heather: Oh the Excerpts You'll Play? / Dick: Who's Dr. Seuss?
The Oboe of Love Ren: I love it when people add an adjectival prepositional phrase to the end of a noun--especially if it starts with "of"--it's like giving it a superhero name. / Heather: What? / Ren: You know, like "the T-shirt of Power" or "the Pasta of Deliciousness." / Heather: How about "the oboe of Love"? / Ren: The oboe d'amore! But that's in Italian, so it would be more like one of those pretentious foreign superheroes. And, you know, sing an aria every time it did anything.
Obohemia » Blog Archive » Haunting pt 2 Jim: AHH! ...a spikey lightbulb? / Ponytail: NO! I'm your ponytail, Jim! / Jim: But... but, you're gone! / Ponytail: I've returned for you Jim, to reveal the truths of what you've done. Follow me. / {{It's the Ghost of Ponytails Past!}}
Cancer Jim: Cancer thrives on sugar and stress. So make sure you practice.
 

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