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#001 - pea wiggle [[Eve is inside, washing Olly's Organic's display glass]] / Man: Excuse me... / Eve: Wait. Wait. We're closing in 5 minutes. Will this take longer than 5 minutes? / Man: Of course not. / [[The man starts pulling a package from his bag]] / Man: ...So long as you won't give me trouble about returning this organic pea wiggle for a full refund. / [[The man hands the package to a clearly upset Eve]] / Man: The name is misleading.
http://octopuspie.com/2007/05/14/001-pea-wiggle/
The break-up Eve: Grumble grumble. Your FACE is misleading. That's what I'll say next time. / <> / Eve: Hello? / James (phone): Eve, I think we should break up. / Eve: What?! James...? / James (phone): Aaa... Shit. / James: Sorry, didn't mean to blurt that out. I just been rehearsing it all day. So, y'know, of COURSE I did. / James (phone): Anyway, forget that for a minute. Uh, how's it going? / Eve: Wonderful! Where are you, James? / James: Oh, your mom's. She's actually taking our break-up REALLY well. / Eve: Yeah, well, she takes 9/11 pretty well too, bless her heart. Fight you soon, 'kay?
http://octopuspie.com/2007/05/16/002-the-break-up/
The Craig list Eve's mom: So with James gone, I guess you'll need a roommate after all, huh? / Eve: I guess so. Thanks to YOU for coaxing him on. / Eve's mom: Well good, because I found you someone on the Craig list and she can move in right away. / Eve: MOM!! Are you insane? That site's full of pedos! REAL-LIFE pedos! / Eve's mom: Oh, no, you know this girl. From pre-K. / Eve's mom: See, look, I carry this photo everywhere. Hanna Thompson, remember? You can reflect together on the alphabetical teachings of Mrs. Collins. / Eve: Geez mom, why do you do this? Pretty soon I'll have to stop looking to you for reaffirmation. / Eve's mom: Oh, sweetie... Listen to you. You sound just like your father. / Eve's mom: Your rotten, wretched, balding loser of a father.
http://octopuspie.com/2007/05/21/05-21-2007-005-the-craig-list/
Pre-school reunion <> / <> / Eve: What... The FUCK?? / <> / Hanna: Yo yo, Eve! Look at you! It's our freaking pre-school reunion! How much crazy fun are WE gonna have?! / Eve: Whoa, whoa. How did you get in here? / Hanna: Oh, just let myself in. Through the bathroom window. With a rock.
http://octopuspie.com/2007/05/23/005-pre-school-reunion/
Diplomatic stance Hanna: Totally honest, Eve, I've never lived in such a nice apartment before. You wouldn't believe some of the shitholes I've settled for since college. / Hanna: I think you'll find I take a very diplomatic stance on roommate issues. What's yours is mine, know what I mean, Eve? / Eve: Oh God. In here, too... / Hanna: And obviously if there's ever a problem, you can always-- / Eve: Why does every room in this house smell like POT!? / Hanna: URK! / Hanna: Umm... Because I've been SMOKING it? / Eve: Oh Jesus... My landlady's gonna send me packing. / Hanna: Pfft... To where? The SQUARE convention? / Eve: Oh, sure, you're judging ME.
http://octopuspie.com/2007/05/25/006-diplomatic-stance/
Manuel [[Eve and her cat look at each other]] / Eve: Manuel, there you are! My only friend. / Eve: Why do I let people do this to me? I need to get away from everyone. / Eve: Or maybe... I need to try being a little easier to get along with. / Eve: Yeah... That'll happen. / Eve: Screw it. Who needs people, right Manuel? All I need is y-- / <>
http://octopuspie.com/2007/05/28/007-manuel/
Blood oranges <> / <> / <> / <> / [[Eve reaches for the phone]] / Olly (phone): I need you down here NOW, Ning! Got an emergency on the floor! Can you hear me, Ning?! / Eve: Olly, it's 6:30. / Olly: No shit! A fresh shipment of blood oranges came in five minutes ago. Not enough to meet demand. It's Pandemonium. Get over here, Ning! / Olly: And bring the stiiiick!
http://octopuspie.com/2007/05/30/008-blood-oranges/
The bed store OR Mr. Pedals Eve: You know you can sleep in a BED, right Hanna? / Hanna: Uhh, yeah. I still need to bring it here. / Eve: Where is it? / Hanna: I don't fuckin' know... The bed store? / Eve: Hah. / [[Eve steps outside]] / [[Eve stares in shock]] / Eve: Mr. Pedals...?
http://octopuspie.com/2007/06/01/009-the-bed-store-or-mr-pedals/
Combos Hanna: Yo roomie, we got any combos? I'm trying to make a salad, and-- / [[Hanna stares]] / [[Hanna looks at Eve, who's lying in fetal position]] / Hanna: Hey... Is y'all alright? / Eve: My bike... Stolen from me like a tenspeed ship in the night. / Hanna: Ooh, that's a pisser. But hey, you can stay home and hang with me! / Hanna: Wanna help me pick glass out of the carpet? We can share my gloves. / Eve: Mr. Pedals...
http://octopuspie.com/2007/06/04/010-combos/
Bong-o-fury Hanna: Mmph... C'mon, Eve, you can get a new bike. Don't take it so hard. / Hanna: Chill here for a second, okay? I've got just the thing for you. / [[Eve looks like she's about to cry]] / Eve: Something needs to be done. This agression will not STAND. / Hanna: Now, my BEST shit is still on back-order, but... One rip of ol' bong-o-fury and you'll be back to-- / Hanna: Aww.
http://octopuspie.com/2007/06/06/011-bong-o-fury/
Bicycle rights management Eve: For too long I've been victim to a society of grubby MENACES! No longer will they steal my property and my dignity. / Eve: It's time for a little... / Eve: Bicycle rights management! / Store clerc: Twenty-four fifty. / Eve: Oh, um. Shit. You take credit, right? / Store clerc: I'll need two forms of I.D. and a thumb print.
http://octopuspie.com/2007/06/08/012-bicycle-rights-management/
Welding freedom [[Hanna is smoking]] / Hanna: So... Doin' that, huh? / Eve: I am welding FREEDOM. / Eve: What you see before you is the onset of a bicycle revolution. A world without limit. / [[Hanna looks at the bike]] / Hanna: Oh, dude. Give it a handlebar. / Eve: Yeah? I don't know, it's already over 80 pounds.
http://octopuspie.com/2007/06/11/013-welding-freedom/
Impossible to steal Hanna: Ah, there you are. Give up entirely? / Eve: Hardly! My new bike is finished! And it's impossible to steal. / Eve: This baby is wired from seat to wheel with state-of-the-art security. It starts collecting data on you the minute you so much as GLANCE at it. / Eve (from outside the panel): If the bike is used without authorization, it sends a 200-volt shock through the rider-- Effectively crippling them from riding ANY bike, stolen or otherwise! / Hanna: Huh. But what if you want to lend it to a friend? / Eve: Easy: Simply enter an unlock code on the very straightforward console. Up to 3 friends can ride for free. (after being properly identified, of course!) Neat, huh? / Hanna: Yeah. So is it possible to ENJOY this bike? / Eve: Beats me. I'm buying a car after I sell the patent.
http://octopuspie.com/2007/06/13/014-impossible-to-steal/
octopus pie: not your mom's grumpy internet hipster comic Mark: Look, Olly, I know things are okay. You don't have to convince ME. The guys, well... / Olly: .. have no faith in me. / Mark: They... We just need to hear something good. Anything good. I don't know how else to say it, Olly. / Olly: But see, Mark, I was GETTING to that. / Olly: Aww, man, we're gonna have a great year! Because.. I'm launching a brand new ad campaign! / / Eve: Hold still, god damn you... / Mark: You are? Is that in the budget? / Olly: That's the beauty of it! It's one of those cancerous marketing things. It can't fail! In a few short months, OLLY'S ORGANIX will be nailing more financial goals than an overambitious career slut!
http://octopuspie.com/2007/09/21/049-getting-to-that/
#050 - a hero, a legend [[Inside a store-room. Eve sits nursing her thumb]] / Julie: Can I get you anything else, Eve? You want some more ice? / Eve: I'm fine, Julie. / Julie: But if you need any-- / Eve: Please. I'm fine. / [[Julie and Jacob, opening boxes]] / Jacob: Christ, is she still nursing that scratch? / Julie: It's not a scratch, Jacob. / And show a little respect for your superiors. / Jacob: I still don't know why she's our superior. / Julie: Because she's a legend! A hero! / [[Eve swimming across a river, the New York skyline silhouetted behind.]] / Julie: It was Eve Ning who swam the East River during the blackout of 2003.. / The light of the summer moon her only guide. / [[Eve, in a full baseball uniform, catches a falling bird]] / Julie: And it was Eve Ning who single-handedly caught a baby bald eagle, fallen from atop the UN Building. / [[Eve punching an old man]] / Julie: This one time? Eve Ning clocked Old Bloomy. / She just clocked him. / / [[Eve sits nursing her thumb]] / Jacob: Uh huh. Maybe you're just a big fat mythologist, Julie. / Julie: Excuse me? I deeply respect my gender.
http://octopuspie.com/2007/09/24/050-a-hero-a-legend/
octopus pie: not your mom's grumpy internet hipster comic [[Olly leaning out of office, Ning, Jacob and Julie surrounded by boxes]] / Olly: Ning. My office. Now. / Julie: Uh-oh. / Julie: Olly's not using verbs. / Jacob: Looks like your hero's in need of saving. / [[Ning leaning into Olly's office, with his back to her]] / Ning: Olly? Is everything all right? / Olly: Close the door, Ning. / [[Ning closes the door]] / [[Ning wiggles the doorknob]] / <> / Ning: Locked..! / [[Olly suddenly desperate, Ning looking horrified]] / Olly: Oh Ning / Olly: You've gotta help me! / Ning: NO!
http://octopuspie.com/2007/09/26/051-locked/
Broken up forever James (from outside the frame): And I mean, the fact is that billions of universes exist where Eve and I AREN'T dating. We mainly exist to be broken up forever, y'know? / James: And like, you can totally apply that to life and death. Everything's just a blip on the radar. Sometimes I'll just sit for hours wondering if anything I do makes any difference at all. / <> / <> / Eve: All right, Steven Schpielberg. Out we go. / James: But I'm not done Schpieling! / Eve: Don't be silly. You've already shown me the light! / James: I have? Really? / Eve: Hell yes. NO MORE EXISTENTIAL BOYFRIENDS! / <> / Eve's mom: Not even in the multiverse? / Eve: NEVER!
http://octopuspie.com/2007/05/18/10/

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