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|#001 - pea wiggle||[[Eve is inside, washing Olly's Organic's display glass]] / Man: Excuse me... / Eve: Wait. Wait. We're closing in 5 minutes. Will this take longer than 5 minutes? / Man: Of course not. / [[The man starts pulling a package from his bag]] / Man: ...So long as you won't give me trouble about returning this organic pea wiggle for a full refund. / [[The man hands the package to a clearly upset Eve]] / Man: The name is misleading.|
|The break-up||Eve: Grumble grumble. Your FACE is misleading. That's what I'll say next time.
|The Craig list||Eve's mom: So with James gone, I guess you'll need a roommate after all, huh? / Eve: I guess so. Thanks to YOU for coaxing him on. / Eve's mom: Well good, because I found you someone on the Craig list and she can move in right away. / Eve: MOM!! Are you insane? That site's full of pedos! REAL-LIFE pedos! / Eve's mom: Oh, no, you know this girl. From pre-K. / Eve's mom: See, look, I carry this photo everywhere. Hanna Thompson, remember? You can reflect together on the alphabetical teachings of Mrs. Collins. / Eve: Geez mom, why do you do this? Pretty soon I'll have to stop looking to you for reaffirmation. / Eve's mom: Oh, sweetie... Listen to you. You sound just like your father. / Eve's mom: Your rotten, wretched, balding loser of a father.|
|Diplomatic stance||Hanna: Totally honest, Eve, I've never lived in such a nice apartment before. You wouldn't believe some of the shitholes I've settled for since college. / Hanna: I think you'll find I take a very diplomatic stance on roommate issues. What's yours is mine, know what I mean, Eve? / Eve: Oh God. In here, too... / Hanna: And obviously if there's ever a problem, you can always-- / Eve: Why does every room in this house smell like POT!? / Hanna: URK! / Hanna: Umm... Because I've been SMOKING it? / Eve: Oh Jesus... My landlady's gonna send me packing. / Hanna: Pfft... To where? The SQUARE convention? / Eve: Oh, sure, you're judging ME.|
|Manuel||[[Eve and her cat look at each other]] / Eve: Manuel, there you are! My only friend. / Eve: Why do I let people do this to me? I need to get away from everyone. / Eve: Or maybe... I need to try being a little easier to get along with. / Eve: Yeah... That'll happen. / Eve: Screw it. Who needs people, right Manuel? All I need is y--
|The bed store OR Mr. Pedals||Eve: You know you can sleep in a BED, right Hanna? / Hanna: Uhh, yeah. I still need to bring it here. / Eve: Where is it? / Hanna: I don't fuckin' know... The bed store? / Eve: Hah. / [[Eve steps outside]] / [[Eve stares in shock]] / Eve: Mr. Pedals...?|
|Combos||Hanna: Yo roomie, we got any combos? I'm trying to make a salad, and-- / [[Hanna stares]] / [[Hanna looks at Eve, who's lying in fetal position]] / Hanna: Hey... Is y'all alright? / Eve: My bike... Stolen from me like a tenspeed ship in the night. / Hanna: Ooh, that's a pisser. But hey, you can stay home and hang with me! / Hanna: Wanna help me pick glass out of the carpet? We can share my gloves. / Eve: Mr. Pedals...|
|Bong-o-fury||Hanna: Mmph... C'mon, Eve, you can get a new bike. Don't take it so hard. / Hanna: Chill here for a second, okay? I've got just the thing for you. / [[Eve looks like she's about to cry]] / Eve: Something needs to be done. This agression will not STAND. / Hanna: Now, my BEST shit is still on back-order, but... One rip of ol' bong-o-fury and you'll be back to-- / Hanna: Aww.|
|Bicycle rights management||Eve: For too long I've been victim to a society of grubby MENACES! No longer will they steal my property and my dignity. / Eve: It's time for a little... / Eve: Bicycle rights management! / Store clerc: Twenty-four fifty. / Eve: Oh, um. Shit. You take credit, right? / Store clerc: I'll need two forms of I.D. and a thumb print.|
|Welding freedom||[[Hanna is smoking]] / Hanna: So... Doin' that, huh? / Eve: I am welding FREEDOM. / Eve: What you see before you is the onset of a bicycle revolution. A world without limit. / [[Hanna looks at the bike]] / Hanna: Oh, dude. Give it a handlebar. / Eve: Yeah? I don't know, it's already over 80 pounds.|
|Impossible to steal||Hanna: Ah, there you are. Give up entirely? / Eve: Hardly! My new bike is finished! And it's impossible to steal. / Eve: This baby is wired from seat to wheel with state-of-the-art security. It starts collecting data on you the minute you so much as GLANCE at it. / Eve (from outside the panel): If the bike is used without authorization, it sends a 200-volt shock through the rider-- Effectively crippling them from riding ANY bike, stolen or otherwise! / Hanna: Huh. But what if you want to lend it to a friend? / Eve: Easy: Simply enter an unlock code on the very straightforward console. Up to 3 friends can ride for free. (after being properly identified, of course!) Neat, huh? / Hanna: Yeah. So is it possible to ENJOY this bike? / Eve: Beats me. I'm buying a car after I sell the patent.|
|octopus pie: not your mom's grumpy internet hipster comic||Mark: Look, Olly, I know things are okay. You don't have to convince ME. The guys, well... / Olly: .. have no faith in me. / Mark: They... We just need to hear something good. Anything good. I don't know how else to say it, Olly. / Olly: But see, Mark, I was GETTING to that. / Olly: Aww, man, we're gonna have a great year! Because.. I'm launching a brand new ad campaign! / / Eve: Hold still, god damn you... / Mark: You are? Is that in the budget? / Olly: That's the beauty of it! It's one of those cancerous marketing things. It can't fail! In a few short months, OLLY'S ORGANIX will be nailing more financial goals than an overambitious career slut!|
|#050 - a hero, a legend||[[Inside a store-room. Eve sits nursing her thumb]] / Julie: Can I get you anything else, Eve? You want some more ice? / Eve: I'm fine, Julie. / Julie: But if you need any-- / Eve: Please. I'm fine. / [[Julie and Jacob, opening boxes]] / Jacob: Christ, is she still nursing that scratch? / Julie: It's not a scratch, Jacob. / And show a little respect for your superiors. / Jacob: I still don't know why she's our superior. / Julie: Because she's a legend! A hero! / [[Eve swimming across a river, the New York skyline silhouetted behind.]] / Julie: It was Eve Ning who swam the East River during the blackout of 2003.. / The light of the summer moon her only guide. / [[Eve, in a full baseball uniform, catches a falling bird]] / Julie: And it was Eve Ning who single-handedly caught a baby bald eagle, fallen from atop the UN Building. / [[Eve punching an old man]] / Julie: This one time? Eve Ning clocked Old Bloomy. / She just clocked him. / / [[Eve sits nursing her thumb]] / Jacob: Uh huh. Maybe you're just a big fat mythologist, Julie. / Julie: Excuse me? I deeply respect my gender.|
|octopus pie: not your mom's grumpy internet hipster comic||[[Olly leaning out of office, Ning, Jacob and Julie surrounded by boxes]]
/ Olly: Ning. My office. Now. / Julie: Uh-oh.
/ Julie: Olly's not using verbs.
/ Jacob: Looks like your hero's in need of saving. / [[Ning leaning into Olly's office, with his back to her]]
/ Ning: Olly? Is everything all right?
/ Olly: Close the door, Ning. / [[Ning closes the door]] / [[Ning wiggles the doorknob]]
|Broken up forever||James (from outside the frame): And I mean, the fact is that billions of universes exist where Eve and I AREN'T dating. We mainly exist to be broken up forever, y'know? / James: And like, you can totally apply that to life and death. Everything's just a blip on the radar. Sometimes I'll just sit for hours wondering if anything I do makes any difference at all. / <
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