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| It Was a Night Out | (Lance is throwing darts in a bar.)
/ Philharmonic 9the waitress): Lance, you wanted to know when it was daylight? / Lance: Oh yeah. Gotta get back to the compound. / Lance (grinning): Don't want to miss my release. / (Cut to: Lance climbing in the window of the Stragley Anachronistic School for Boys;... http://lanceandeskimo.com/lance/index.php?strip_id=2 |
| Lance Begins His Travels | Wendell: He skipped all his career training to look at girls!
/ Dr Stragely: He'll be fine. / (Lance meets them at the door)
/ Dr Stragely: Well, son, stay off the pole.
/ Lance: I promise nothing. / Wendell: Remember, Lance, you have to work to make opportunity... Nothing's going to be handed to you!
/ (Lance... http://lanceandeskimo.com/lance/index.php?strip_id=3 |
| That's What She Said | Lance: Tell me more about this piracy.
/ Eskimo: Well, as you can see, it's pretty quiet here... / Eskimo: Mostly we just pillage that one lighthouse. / Eskimo: We just bust in and take ALL the pre-recorded videos! / Eskimo: Then we exchange them on the mainland for better videos. Oh, and we leave... http://lanceandeskimo.com/lance/index.php?strip_id=4 |
| Chilling! | Krys: So, Lance, how do you like being first mate?
/ Lance: It's cool.
/ Krys: There's perks, you know. Free movies.
/ Lance: All right.
/ Krys: Builds muscle.
/ Lance: Cool.
/ Krys: Hey Lance, you won the lottery, and the prize is blowjobs.
/ Lance: Nice. / Krys: New guy lacks enthusiasm.
/ Eskimo: You think... http://lanceandeskimo.com/lance/index.php?strip_id=5 |
| Sparrow Captain | Eskimo: The sail sea air... The wind in my hair...
/ Krys: It's freshwater and calm.
/ Eskimo: Gull circling o'erhead... / Krys: They're sparrows. / Eskimo: My contrarian hired muscle by my side...
/ Krys: I'm behind you. / Eskimo: Yes, this is the life for Eskimo Jones, cutest pirate o' the Spanish... http://lanceandeskimo.com/lance/index.php?strip_id=6 |
| Girl Talk | Eskimo: Let's catch this breeze.
/ Krys: I guess Lance might give you a run for your money, cutest pirate wise. / Eskimo: You think he's cute?
/ Krys: YOU think he's cute. / Eskimo: Me?!
/ Krys: There's no other possible basis for that hiring decision. / Krys: It's OK... when your captain is a twelve-year-old... http://lanceandeskimo.com/lance/index.php?strip_id=7 |
| It's Not Exactly A Phial | (Lance walks out of a cabin, yawning and brushing back his hair.) / (Lance catches sight of himself in a mirror and smiles crookedly.) / (Lance grins at himself idiotically.) / Voice: Hey.
/ (Lance looks momentarily alarmed.) / Chefelf (from behind a crate of some kind): Over here. I hear you're a... http://lanceandeskimo.com/lance/index.php?strip_id=8 |
| A Rival Arrival | Eskimo: Lance, tell Krys there's competition for the title of cutest pirate. / Lance: Sure there is. How about her? / (Across the water there's another boat, in which an adorable button-nosed pirate sits. Sparkles and bubbles surround her.)
/ Jeanne: Tee hee! / Eskimo: Lance, listen carefully. Our... http://lanceandeskimo.com/lance/index.php?strip_id=9 |
| Non-Cannon | Krys: She's turning about... raising a fleur-de-lis.
/ Eskimo: What are we flying?
/ Krys: Um, cross of St. George, for some reason.
/ Eskimo: Oh, it's on, bitch! / Eskimo: Lance, Krys, ready the cannons.
/ Lance: Sure. / Lance: Just one question... / Eskimo: Huh? Oh, it's easy. There's just three steps:... http://lanceandeskimo.com/lance/index.php?strip_id=10 |
| Extra, Extra: Comic Strips | Eskimo: Krys!! Where are my cannons!!
/ Krys: They were making her ride low in the water! I didn't think we would need them! / Eskimo: We're PIRATES! Why would we not need our CANNONS!
/ Krys: If we're PIRATES how come we've never USED them BEFORE? / Lance: If you guys need me... I'll be over here, throwing... http://lanceandeskimo.com/lance/index.php?strip_id=11 |
| Lance and Eskimo | [[Lance is about to throw a handful of knives out the porthole.]]
/ Chefelf: NO! / You can't throw the good knives! I need those! / [[They look into a bin full of kitchen gear.]]
/ Lance: What don't you need?
/ Chefelf: Um... / [[Chefelf holds out a Sergeant Pepper cookie cutter.]]
/ Chefelf: You can have... http://lanceandeskimo.com/lance/index.php?strip_id=12 |
| Lance and Eskimo | [[A cannonball blasts through the ship's mast, knocking it down.]]
/ Eskimo: (shouting) No! Not my mast! I loved that mast! I was going to marry it. Also, it was this close to retirement. / [[Lance holds the good knives, and Chefelf touches Lance's hands sadly.]]
/ Lance: Sorry, buddy.
/ Chefelf: Wield... http://lanceandeskimo.com/lance/index.php?strip_id=13 |
| Lance and Eskimo | [[Krys has taken off her shirt, and she holds Chefelf, using it to stop the bleeding.]]
/ Krys: Captain! Retreat! We can't win!
/ Eskimo: NEVAH! / Krys: Hey, captain, you hungry?
/ Eskimo: Huh? Uh, a little. / Krys: Well too bad, cause you're not getting any dinner tonight! Or ever! Cause our cook will... http://lanceandeskimo.com/lance/index.php?strip_id=14 |
| Lance and Eskimo | [[The crew is in an emergency room, and Krys sets Chefelf down on a gurney.]]
/ Krys: Man, service with a smile! This is nothing like when I came in here with my bent rotator cuff.
/ Curly-Haired Hospital Staff Guy: It's called "triage".
/ Hospital Staff Girl, or Maybe Guy: It's also called "medical personnel... http://lanceandeskimo.com/lance/index.php?strip_id=15 |
| Meet Cute | Eskimo: I don't think these hospital people appreciate that we're on a tight schedule, here. / Krys: If only we'd gone to one of the many one-hour blood transfusion booths that exist. Alack, alas. / Eskimo: Jeanne isn't going to wait forever! / Lance: Jeanne? / Eskimo: Jeanne Darkskies. The other cute... http://lanceandeskimo.com/lance/index.php?strip_id=16 |
| I Love It When A Plan Comes Together | [[Eskimo is still having a flashback of her fight with Jeanne.]] / Eskimo narrates: We fought well into the night. She was a formidable opponent. / Jeanne: I spit in your face, you species of queerbait! / Eskimo: You fight like a cow, which, uh, is appropriate, cause--you're fat? / [[Past-Eskimo shakes... http://lanceandeskimo.com/lance/index.php?strip_id=17 |
| Girl Talk II | [[A girl in Jeanne's crew hands her a wallet.]] / Girl: Jeanne, check out this wallet. / Jeanne: Any money in it? / [[Jeanne looks in the wallet.]] / Girl: That's not important now. / Look at the picture. / Jeanne: The old guy. / Girl: The other one. Doesn't it look like Rook? / Jeanne: It's signed... http://lanceandeskimo.com/lance/index.php?strip_id=18 |
| Waiting Games | [[In the hospital waiting room, Krys is reading a magazine as Lance prepares to toss a paper airplane to Eskimo.]] / Lance: Ready? / Eskimo: Ready. / Lance: ...Ready? / Eskimo: Ready! / [[They're lounging all over the waiting room seats.]] / Eskimo: Are you famous? / Krys: Yes. / Lance: Are you legendary... http://lanceandeskimo.com/lance/index.php?strip_id=19 |
| Elf Recovery | [[Eskimo, Krys, and Lance stand next to Chefelf, who is sitting up in a hospital bed.]] / Chefelf: Ugh, human blood. How do you people live with this stuff? / [[Chefelf shows that his hospital gown is slightly open in the back.]] / Chefelf: This gown fails at covering my butt. / [[Chefelf gestures... http://lanceandeskimo.com/lance/index.php?strip_id=20 |
| Men Against the Lake | [[The crew rows a small boat across a lake. Krys mans the oars, Eskimo looks out on a spyglass, and Chefelf sits under a parasol while passing food to Lance.]] / Krys: We've been up and down the lake. She's not here. / Eskimo: RRGH! Slipped through my fingers again! That damned elusive -- redheaded... http://lanceandeskimo.com/lance/index.php?strip_id=21 |
| I Saw the Sign | [[Eskimo and the crew walk through the lobby of a nice hotel.]] / Eskimo: They went all out for this pirate convention... Ooh, there's a kitchen stadium upstairs.
/ Chefelf: Can't we just hang out in the room? There's free wireless! / Eskimo: Come on, represent us! You're the only one of us with any... http://lanceandeskimo.com/lance/index.php?strip_id=23 |
| Lost and Found | [[Eskimo and Lance stand among a crowd of pirates.]] / Eskimo: Hm, I don't see her. Do you?
/ Eskimo: Right, we'll split up. I'll go climb on top of that thing. / Lance: I'll check the cakes.
/ [[Lance is interrupted as he's about to pick up a cake.]] / Voice: Lance.
/ [[A woman poses flirtatiously, holding... http://lanceandeskimo.com/lance/index.php?strip_id=24 |
| Caged! | [[A man shoves Eskimo into the brig.]] / Eskimo: I'm going, I'm going!
/ Eskimo (pouting): Hmph.
/ [[Eskimo notices that Krys too is in the brig.]] / Krys: Hey, captain. What are you in for?
/ Eskimo: Climbing on the furniture. ...apparently such conduct is unbecoming an officer. You?
/ [[In a flashback,... http://lanceandeskimo.com/lance/index.php?strip_id=25 |
| I Know Rigatoni Like I Know Me | Eskimo: So I got quashed by THE MAN, you got beat down -- / Krys: Hey. / Eskimo: -- and last I saw, the mate was striking out with some girl...
/ [[Chefelf runs, panting.]] / Eskimo (voiceover): At least our chef is undoubtedly kicking the other cooks' collective ass!
/ Chefelf (shouting): CHEFS!
/ [[Chefelf... http://lanceandeskimo.com/lance/index.php?strip_id=26 |
| I Just Met A Girl Named...Uh...Named... | [[The woman hands Lance the photo.]] Woman: Hey -- you're lucky I'm giving back your photo. / Lance: Would you rather keep it?
/ [[She takes it back.]] Woman: Hmm... no girlfriend, you say...? / Lance: Nope. / Woman: Okay then.
/ Woman: Maybe I'll call the number on it sometime.
/ [[Lance grins smittenly,... http://lanceandeskimo.com/lance/index.php?strip_id=27 |
| Gee, Officer Krupke | [[Eskimo talks to an officer who's standing guard outside the jail cell.]] / Eskimo: Working with pirates, you must know how much treasure a guard could make from, say, leaving a key in the lock. / Guard: I am an officer of the law. You cannot tempt me with promises of riches.
/ Eskimo: How about...many... http://lanceandeskimo.com/lance/index.php?strip_id=28 |
| Procession and Nightmare | [[Eskimo, Krys, and Lance reunite in a hotel hallway.]] Eskimo: Lance! It's good to see someone on the outside.
/ Eskimo: Now is the time to buckle down and find Jeanne. For real. And bring her down. Her and her lousy first mate Josh.
/ Eskimo (snarling): -- Josh!! --
/ Krys: So what have you been up... http://lanceandeskimo.com/lance/index.php?strip_id=29 |
| Or Maybe It's Fleas | Jeanne: This is Leggy Peggy. We wanted to call her 'Pegleg Peg', but she hasn't lost a leg.
/ Jeanne (snarling): ...yet.
/ Jeanne: Peg, meet Eskimo Jones, the flea in my mane. / Eskimo: You mean your mortal enemy!
/ Jeanne: Yes, if by 'mortal' you mean 'having a lifespan of 60-90 days,' or 'carrying the... http://lanceandeskimo.com/lance/index.php?strip_id=30 |
| Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil | [[As Lance ponders, a mini-Lance angel and devil have a swordfight in his mind.]]
/ [[Lance looks discouraged, and the angel strikes the devil.]] Angel: Ha!
/ [[Lance glances toward a pay phone, and the devil strikes the angel.]] Devil: Ha HA!
/ [[Lance steps back from the phone, and the angel disarms the... http://lanceandeskimo.com/lance/index.php?strip_id=31 |
| Sea Quest | [[Krys and Chefelf sit on the floor in the hotel room, playing video games. Eskimo's shadow is seen.]] Eskimo: Well, I'm off to beat Jeanne...
/ [[Eskimo is wearing a wet suit and diving mask, with a sword hanging from her belt.]] Eskimo: I'm gonna hit her where she lives...
/ Eskimo: ...her cabin.
/ [[Krys... http://lanceandeskimo.com/lance/index.php?strip_id=32 |