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| Talk Like an Egyptian | Weedmaster P: Oh no we missed "Talk Like an Asshole Day"
/ Jeffrey: Wait, how did we miss every single day? / Weedmaster P: God damnit you know good and well what I'm talking about
/ Jeffrey: I'm afraid I don't but you gave me a wonderful idea! / [[Jeffrey holds up a sign: Welcome to Talk Like a Sensible, Educated Adult Day]] / [[Meanwhile, 100,000 light years east...]
/ Alien underling: http://overcompensating.com/posts/20090922.html |
| The Englishman 2009 | Jeffrey: I feel like someone's watching me.
/ Weedmaster P: I _always_ feel like somebody's watchin' me / The Englishman: Gentlemen!
/ Jeffrey: *GASP* The Englishman!
/ The Englishman: Fear not Jeffrey. I've come not to judge you this time. Quite the opposite, in fact...
/ Jeffrey: HUH? / The Englishman: I tire of being mocked by our queen using her network of closed-circuit cameras... of meals where the entree is a wad of blood-soaked dough. / The Englishman: I want to live in a place where disastrous leadership is rewarded with seven-figure bonuses! Where history is openly disregarded -- where it is acceptable to wear a baseball cap and sandals to a wedding _or_ to court! / Jeffrey: Boy you came to the right place. Applebee's don't even make you wear shoes no more. / [[The Englishman: Deep Cover]] / < http://overcompensating.com/posts/20090924.html |
| The Englishman Settles I | [[Two Days Later...]]
/ The Englishman: Jeffrey this is _amazing._ All this time England has been sneering and scowling at America we've been missing the point _entirely._
/ Jeffrey: What's that, The Englishman? / The Englishman: That your way of life, as disgusting and short-sighted and ignorant as it is, is almost _unimaginably enjoyable._ I am literally in ecstasy right now.
/ Jeffrey: Well we just figure Western Civilization's goin' down the toilet anyway -- best just to ignore it until it's too late. / [[Later...]]
/ Dame Judi Dench (on viewscreen): The Englishman, I trust Operation: Deep Cover is proceeding as planned without you becoming addicted to American excess, like in that movie "Rush"?
/ The Englishman (out loud): Of course, of course.
/ The Englishman (thinking): It's already too late. / {{tagline: In the morning The Englishman will have two small bruises on his cheeks from Dame Judi's glare}}
/ {{roll-over text: You got to be old as hell to remember what that movie Rush was about -OR- in the 2nd panel I have either smashed my Guitar Hero guitar or got confused and though I was playing Mario Golf.}} http://overcompensating.com/posts/20090925.html |
| The Englisman Recalled | [[The Englishman is looking quite comfortably American]]
/ Jeffrey: I'm sure glad you're takin' to America so good The Englishman, but you got to go now.
/ The Englishman: Whatever do you mean? I intend to stay forever! / Jeffrey: How do I put this nicely... You're a God-damned _foreigner._ If you stay here you're gonna use all our health care and welfare. You'll take all our jobs.
/ The Englishman: But I'll pay taxes! I'll be a good citizen! / Jeffrey: That ain't how it works, The Englishman. Now I don't know if you noticed but we get about 5,000 brand new American babies everyday, and pretty much none of 'em got any future apart from lookin' at internet ads and bein' named "Jayden" or "XXX" or "Tylenol". We ain't got room for able-bodied, intelligent adults here. Now _git._ / The Englishman: But I --
/ Jeffrey (firmly): _Git._ / Jeffrey (tearfully): ...git... <<*sniff*>> / [[Weeks later...]]
/ The Englishman (sadly): At least I've still got American T.V.
/ [[TV schedule of original USA-ian creations: The Office, Whose Line, Ali G, Coupling, Weakest Link, Antiques Road Show, etc... And some splendid British fare: Blood Pudding, Yakety Sax, Monkeys Having Sex, and Lily Allen... Choices, choices.]] / {{Jayden XXX Tylenol will grow up to design his own MySpace layout}}
/ {{roll-over text: It's the American version of the British version of the American version of the Pop Idol/Antiques Roadshow Existential Horror Hour}} http://overcompensating.com/posts/20090928.html |
| Budget Reading | [[Baby and Tallahassee are standing in a warehouse, with Jeffrey leaning in front from the right.]]
/ Baby: I always wanted to buy me very own book but I ehn't never gonna have enough money.
/ Tallahassee: Well you could always--
/ Jeffrey: Write your own books! All you need is some paper and a pencil! / Baby: But I'm barely literate!
/ Jeffrey: It doesn't matter! Here's a secret-- You don't actually have to write anything because you know how it ends 'cause it's in your mind!
/ Baby: The garbageman did it! / [[Weedmaster P is sitting at a table writing something while Jeffrey leans over his shoulder.]]
/ Jeffrey: What's your book about, Weedmaster P?
/ Weedmaster P: OH YOU KNOW JUST FREESTYLIN
/ Weedmaster P: WRITIN' WHAT'S IN MY BRAINS / [[We see the paper Weedmaster P is working on. It is covered in scrawling single words that are mostly illegible and laid out in a chaotic pattern. Some readable words are: "CHRIST" backwards, "die", "holy", "Mutilate", "HATE", "COSTIN", and "BLooD" backwards and twice. There is also a crudely-drawn pentagram and a hand with a left-facing swastika and raised middle finger.]] / [[A green sign says, "SUPPORT YOUR LOCAL LIBRARY"]] / {{Title Text: Weedmaster P's book is a 1,400-page satanic dick joke that just happens to be also a PALINDROME -- OH GOD it just occurred to me that maybe the reason Sarah Palin's talking doesn't make any sense is because it might all be PALINDROMES}} http://overcompensating.com/posts/20090929.html |
| Your Buttcat's On Prozac | Jeffrey: Doctor Monkey says I gotta start givin' Joanna Prozac!
/ Tallahassee: She's not depressed, she's undead. If she's sad, it's probably because her only caloric intake comes in the form of bourbon! / Jeffrey: Oh _excuse me_. I didn't see your diploma from Cat Doctor School! I'll just stand here like a dickwad and do what you tell me to do, Doctor Ladyparts! / Tallahassee: Doctor Monkey is an idiot! Remember that time he prescribed you _Tequila?_
/ Jeffrey: Yeah I remember it curin' my heebie jeebies! And bein' _happy._ / Tallahassee (outraged): HEEBIE-JEEBIES ISN'T A LEGITIMATE MEDICAL CONDITION!
/ Jeffrey: Well what am I supposed to call it, "Crippling Fear of Black People-itis"?! / {{tagline: Warning: not drinking tequila may make you too easy to be tricked by white people}}
/ {{roll-over text: I think white people make you be scared of black people as a distraction so you won't notice when white people are stealing all your money.}} http://overcompensating.com/posts/20091001.html |
| It Puts the Prozac In The Cat | Jeffrey: Here, Joanna. Take your stupid Prozac. It's supposed to make you not have your special problems any more. / [[View inside Joanna: pill falls in...]] / [[...and through.]] / [[A mouse sees it ...]] / [[...and walks off with it.]] / [[He is now a Prozac-dealin' mouse...]] / [[...and fabulously wealthy, gangsta style.]] / {{tagline: Later in his career the mouse will record a sanctimonious rap song about how this was the only way they could get by}} / {{roll-over text: This is the number one rule for being a mouse, In order to survive, gotta learn to live with regrets}} http://overcompensating.com/posts/20091002.html |
| You Gotta Believe | [[Jeffrey is ready for bed, wearing the most awesome pajamas ever.]]
/ Jeffrey: You know what miss about believin' in God, Weedmaster P? Prayin'.
/ Weedmaster P: Well you can always just pray to the universe That's what I do / Jeffrey: Dear Universe, I... I... I ain't nothing... My life is completely meaningless... / Jeffrey: Prayin' works a lot better if you think you might actually get something out of it. Also, if what you're praying to isn't pointless, uncaring entropy.
/ Weedmaster P: Also you just prayed to a cancer cell in the pancreas of a super-giant space lizard. / {{tagline: I would still believe in God but an ad on the side of a bus changed all that}}
/ {{roll-over text: And I'd believe in God again in a SECOND if He would make those pajamas for me.}} http://overcompensating.com/posts/20091004.html |
| My New Talk Show | Jeffrey: Welcome back to The Talking Patriot. Now, you know I'm in love with America -- but this isn't the America the Founding Fathers had in mind. / Jeffrey: The Founding Fathers wanted a nation of wealthy, God-fearing, hard-working Christians. An entire nation of upper-middle class people or wealthier. That's what Capitalism is! Let's go to a caller -- Kenneth from Oklahoma, what you got to say? / Kenneth from Oklahoma: Yeah Jeffrey I'm gettin a little tarred of uh people callin' me a racist just 'cuz I don't like it when brown people temm me what to do an' do a better jon than me. That ain't racism! / Jeffrey: You're absolutely right. And speaking of the Mexicans. The Founding Fathers didn't intend for us to have to compete against people who'll work harder than us for less money. That's _not_ what Capitalism is. / {{tagline: I don't just love America, I'm in love with America. I want to make love to America. I Want to be on America.}}
/ {{roll-over text: It's not *technically* racism if you're just prejudiced against a skin color.}} http://overcompensating.com/posts/20091006.html |
| Taco Tuesday | [[Jeffrey, Baby and Weedmaster P have been through the wringer. Jeffrey carries Weedmaster P limp body over his shoulder.]]
/ Jeffrey: Oh Jesus help us we screwed up real bad! We screwed it all up, man... / Jesus: What did you do, my son?
/ Jeffrey: Oh we just got stupid and cocky and oh we screwed it all up... / Jesus: Well, what did you do?
/ Jeffrey: Well you know how you're supposed to only eat tacos on Tuesday?
/ Jesus: Yes?
/ Jeffrey: This week we ate tacos on Monday. / [[This gives Jesus pause.]] / [[It's too, too much to bear.]] / [[Backhands Jeffrey.]]
/ Jesus: You ASSHOLE! / {{tagline: Jesus just hits you because he doesn't want his dad to find out about it. His dad will mess you up.}}
/ {roll-over text: Only two types of men don't eat Tacos on Taco Tuesday. Holy Men, and Reavers.}} http://overcompensating.com/posts/20091008.html |
| To The Moon | Weedmaster P: Hey Turd Blossom you remember a few months ago when you won that contest and got to be in charge of NASA for two hours / [[Flashback: Weedmaster P, Baby, Paperklip, Tallahassee, Joanna and Jeffrey are having a drunken "In Charge of NASA" party]]
/ Jeffrey: Hey, I know! Let's bomb the fucking _moon_!
/ [[Everybody laughs uproariously!]] / Jeffrey (with a tear of joy): I sure do, Weedmaster P. I sure do. / {{tagline: I said that literally two seconds before the guy came in and said "Time's up."
/ {roll-over text: NASA will tell you that they're trying to find 'water' on the moon but now you know the real deal.}} http://overcompensating.com/posts/20091009.html |
| Columbus Day 2009 | Jeffrey: As e sit down for traditional Columbus Day spaghetti tacos, I --
/ Weedmaster P: Jeffrey what is Columbus Day all about / Jeffrey: America was once a peaceful land with simple folk -- a land without Walmarts or Truck Nutz or Juggaloes. But then, exactly 517 years ago tonight, an explorer named Christopher Columbus came from a far-away land seeking power and riches. He began to enslave, torture, and kill the bewildered natives. / [[Flashback: A couple of insane conquistadors, armed and rapacious.]]
/ Jeffrey (voiceover): Soon more conquerers came to conquer. Some of them were so insane that they believed there was a "fountain of youth" or a "city of gold" they could just, like, _take_. Within 130 years it is estimated that 95% of the native population was dead. / [[Tallahassee looks horrified]]
/ Weedmaster P: Why the hell do we celebrate that / Jeffrey: Because it's the only way to keep them from coming _back_. / [[Maybe not... a ghostly apparition appears in the street... It's Christopher Columbus, and he's looking right at us!]] / {{tagline: In panel four Tallahassee doesn't feel like eating spaghetti tacos, which is too bad for her but more spaghetti tacos for us}}
/ {{roll-over text: How many spaghetti tacos must a man scarf down before Christopher Columbus stops staring at his house from the street?}} http://overcompensating.com/posts/20091012.html |
| Columbus Day 2009 | [[Jeffrey and Weedmaster P sitting at table, spaghetti tacos on napkins in front of them]]
/ Jeffrey: as we sit down for traditional Columbus Day spaghetti tacos, I--
/ Weedmaster P: JEFFREY WHAT IS COLUMBUS DAY ALL ABOUT / [[Jeffrey holds flashlight under his face in "scary story-telling" trope]]
/ Jeffrey: America was once a peaceful land with simple folk - a land without Wal-Marts or Truck Nutz or Juggaloes. But then, exactly 517 years ago tonight, an explorer named Christopher Columbus came from a faraway land seeking power and riches. He began to enslave, torture, and kill the bewildered natives. / [[Angry-looking, armed conquistadors stand in forest. Jeffrey's voice continues from off-screen]]
/ Jeffrey: Soon more conquerers came to conquer. Some of them were so insane that they believed there was a "fountain of youth" or a "city of gold" they could just like, take. Within 130 years it is estimated 95% of the native population was dead. / [[Weedmaster P looks enraged, Tallahassee looks at her spaghetti tacos in dismay]]
/ Weedmaster P: WHY THE HELL DO WE CELEBRATE THAT / [[Jeffrey with flashlight under face again]]
/ Jeffrey: Because it's the only way to keep him from coming back. / [[The ghost of Columbus stands menacingly in the middle of the street]] / [[Close-up on his torso; he looks very angry]] / [[Close-up on his cold, unfeeling eyes]] / {{Alt-text: How many spaghetti tacos must a man scarf down before Christopher Columbus stops staring at his house from the street?}} http://overcompensating.com/posts/20091012.html?ref=nf |
| World of Problems Part One | [[Jeffrey walks in to the room to see Weedmaster P at his computer]]
/ Jeffrey: Weedmaster P are you playin' one of them online vidja games?
/ Weedmaster P: Well, technically yes but it's more than that -- this is WORLD OF PROBLEMS
/ < http://overcompensating.com/posts/20091013.html |
| World of Problems Part Two | Jeffrey: Weedmaster P are you playing "World of Problems" again?
/ Weedmaster P: No I'm still playin from the last time you saw me / Jeffrey: Jeez. What's goin' on now?
/ Weedmaster P: My wizard is almost at level five / Weedmaster P: His dad just disowned him for bein a wizard and a girl that looks just like his dead girlfriend called him a pervert 'cuz he smiled at her
/ Jeffrey: Oh, _man_! / Weedmaster P: Oh shit he's gonna hang himself but I can't push the buttons fast enough to make him stop
/ Jeffrey: Game over, man. / Weedmaster P: Oh shit the chair broke 'cuz he's so goddamn fat / Jeffrey: What happened?
/ Weedmaster P: He broke his back
/ Jeffrey: Ugh.
/ Weedmaster P: Also he ain't got health insurance
/ Jeffrey: Oh. / {{tagline: It is possible to get up to level 70 in World of Problems but nobody who doesn't live in a hospital has gotten that far}}
/ {{roll-over text: World of Problems is like World of Warcraft except that instead of sitting around killing weak things for gold you sit around killing weak things because it excites you on level you don't understand but are nonetheless ashamed of.}} http://overcompensating.com/posts/20091015.html |
| World of Problems Part Three | Jeffrey: God dangit Weedmaster P, you got to quit playin' World of Problems!
/ Weedmaster P: I'm almost done I think
/ Jeffrey: How so? / Weedmaster P: For the past week my wizard has been in traction Also he got burned alive by some girl scouts -- basically I been levelin' up by distractin' him from thinkin' of the warm embrace of death / Weedmaster P: It's basically like the vide game version of the music video for "One" by Metallica
/ Jeffrey: Dang. / Jeffrey: What's happening now?
/ Weedmaster P: Oh shit he got a hold of a bottle of Vicodin -- he's gonna eat the whole bottle HELP ME / Jeffrey: I can't. I can't help your pretend wizard keep living his horrible life. / {{tagline: I got some opinions about offin' yourself if you're totally jacked up I guess}}
/ {{roll-over text: And with that I this I am still safely in the limitations of my quarterly Terry Schiavo joke quota.}} http://overcompensating.com/posts/20091016.html |
| APE 2009 | [[Machall Boyd, Doc Hastings, Cape Breton, The Baron, MereDUHth Granulator, Tallahassee Econolodge, Emily Softerworld, Paperklip, Ferocious J. are sitting in the back of a limo, along with half a dozen other special friends (not shown)]]
/ Jeffrey: I'm at the Pizza Hut
/ The Baron: I'm at the Taco Bell
/ Tallahassee, Paperklip, and Ferocious J.: I'm at the combination Pizza Hut and Taco Bell! http://overcompensating.com/posts/20091020.html |
| Agree to This | Crazy Guy wearing a US flag shirt: Lord God came down and personally wrote the Constitution with his bare hands.
/ Jeffrey: No, He didn't.
/ Crazy Guy wearing a US flag shirt: Well, let's just agree to disagree. / Crazy hysterical woman: Global Warming is a scam! It's cold outside!
/ Jeffrey: You don't understand how global warming works.
/ Crazy hysterical woman: Well let's just agree to disagree. / Jeffrey: There's about a million tiny worms that live in your guts and you'll probably die of heart disease.
/ Weedmaster P: Then let's just agree to disagree
/ Jeffrey: You... you can't. / {{tagline: Let's just agree to disagree about agreeing to disagree about things}}
/ {{roll-over text: Agreeing to disagree is like disagreeing to agree, but everybody involved in the disagreement would prefer to spend the time they'd spend arguing on drinking.}} http://overcompensating.com/posts/20091021.html |
| Emulator | Jeffrey: Quickly. to the Emulator!
/ Tallahassee: What's an Emulator?
/ Jeffrey: You put an emu in. More emus come out.
/ Tallahassee: How does it work? / [[Jeffrey and Weedmaster P are surrounded by emus]]
/ Jeffrey: The Emulator stimulates the emu's erotic gland. It's like "Gremlins," but pervy.
/ Weedmaster P: Why would you want there to be more emus aren't there enough emus augh there's too many emus / Jeffrey: You're right. Quickly, to the Hobolator!
/ Weedmaster P: What does that do like make there be more hoboes / Jeffrey: No... It makes there be _less_ hoboes. / {{tagline: How do you know when there are to many emus? When there is just one emu within 20 feet of you.}}
/ {{roll-over text: There is a formula where there can only be 3 emus for every one hobo or it could be the other way around. What's the difference between emus and hoboes? The hobo has the capacity to feel remorse after it stabs you in the face with an icepick. *OR* Thank goodness there isn't an Emolator.}} http://overcompensating.com/posts/20091022.html |
| Challenge Question | [[YOU TYPED YOUR PASSWORD WRONG]]
/ [[Challenge Question: What is your favorite hobby?]]
/ [[Answer: ]] / Jeffrey: Guys, do I have any hobbies?
/ Tallahassee: Is "obsessing about death" a hobby?
/ Jeffrey: Har har.
/ Weedmaster P: What about dry-humping stacks of toilet paper
/ Jeffrey: That happened once. / Baby: What about "smiling at ponies"?
/ Jeffrey: I do enjoy that but I wouldn't consider it a hobby.
/ Weedmaster P: Setting the world record for most tacos ever ordered at one time / Weedmaster P: Masturbating to Youtube comments
/ Jeffrey: Oh! I remember! / [[Challenge Question: What is your favorite hobby?]]
/ [[Answer: NOT MASTURBATING TO YOUTUBE COMMENTS]]
/ [[CORRECT!]] / {{tagline: I like my hobbies how I like my women: impossible to mess up any worse than they already are}}
/ {{roll-over text: So now you stole my identity but but the joke's on you! Now all the people at the bank will act really uncomfortable around YOU.}} http://overcompensating.com/posts/20091023.html |
| The Lord is My Nightlight | Jeffrey: AUGH!!
/ Yahweh: What's the matter, Jeffrey?
/ Jeffrey: I just about fell asleep but then I remembered how we're floating in space around a medium-sized explosion and everybody is going to die.
/ Yahweh: Awkward. Sorry about all that. / Jeffrey: And that the very concept of safety is absurd because at any moment everything could just explode.
/ Yahweh: We like to keep you on your toes! / Jeffrey: Also there are people who make a lot more money than me that believe slavery should be legal.
/ Yahweh: Would it make you feel better if I told you _everybody_ gets to go to Heaven?
/ Jeffrey: Not even a little. / {{tagline: Sometimes it's kinda hard to sleep on account of the glow but you feel a little safer}}
/ {{roll-over text: One lifetime of co-occupying a dimension (corporeal or otherwise) with Glenn Beck is quite enough, thank you.}} http://overcompensating.com/posts/20091026.html |
| Hat Crim | Weedmaster P: Jeffrey what's the difference between a hate crime and a regular crime
/ Baby: Yeah what gives?
/ Jeffrey: Well if you get busted doin' a regular crime you go to jail. Sometimes that can be _cool_. Like in "Oz." / Jeffrey (voice over): But if you get busted doin' a hate crime they take you out to a clearing with a bunch of tiki torches where they tell you they hate you and you're a piece of shit, then you go to jail. So it's like gettin' voted off the island. / Jeffrey: Except the "island" is your life before everybody hated you. Even in jail. Even in hell.
/ Weedmaster P: Remind me not to ever commit a hate crime
/ Jeffrey: I have my Google set up to remind me. / {{tagline: I got a Google reminder to tell me when to go to the bathroom. If Google reminder told me to jump off a bridge I'd be like "What about that one?"
/ {{roll-over text: Why does there even need to be a debate about this}} http://overcompensating.com/posts/20091027.html |
| Warts | Weedmaster P : Hey dickass you get warts from touchin' dead people, right ?
/ Jeffrey Rowland : What ? / Weedmaster P : This guy at food pantry told me that, heh heh.
/ Jeffrey Rowland : He's messing with your head, bro. You get warts from touchin' frogs in their private area with impure intentions in your heart. / Weedmaster P : Heh heh that's not true. / Weedmaster P : Is it ? http://overcompensating.com/posts/20091030.html |
| Halloween 2009 | Jeffrey: Oh man do you guys remember Halloween?
/ Weedmaster P: Oh man it was so far off the hook that it had to use 1-800-CALL-ATT
/ Jeffrey: Remember when the cops showed up?
/ Weedmaster P: No / Jeffrey: You don't remember?
/ Weedmaster P: I remember those punks that were dressed up like cops to mess with our minds
/ Jeffrey: No dude those were real cops
/ Weedmaster P: What
/ Jeffrey: Real cops.
/ Weedmaster P: Why didn't they arrest me / Jeffrey: They thought it was funny when you were going to pee on them but smoke came out.
/ Weedmaster P: On Halloween how are you supposed to know if you're dealing with real cops of just punks dressed like cops
/ Jeffrey: Listen to your heart. / {{tagline: It's a pretty good practice to just assume that if a cop is hasslin' you it is just a regular dude messing with you}}
/ {{roll-over text: There are cases where a cop *can* just be a 'bag in a uniform but this is unusual.}} http://overcompensating.com/posts/20091102.html |
| Hot Dog Man | Jeffrey: Screw this Internet businessin'! I'm goin' into a business that won't fail!
/ Baby: Hippy Pellets?
/ Jeffrey: No! Hot dog salesman! / Jeffrey: I got me a bag of hot dog bun dough that I can cook using my car's battery. And I got a hot dog bandoleer to keep the hot dogs at exactly body temperature, just the way folks like 'em! / [[Jeffrey puts his not-at-all-looking-like-a-suicide-bombin'-terrorist plan into action.]]
/ [[Sign: Hot Dogs $15.00]] / [[ s o o n]]
/ [[Jeffrey has been badly beaten up]]
/ Jeffrey: Tell me more about these "hippy pellets."
/ Baby: Tiny, compressed hippies!
/ Jeffrey: I'll get my checkbook. / {{tagline: I heard that in New York City a hot dog salesman can make up to $15,000 a "year"}}
/ {{roll-over text: changed it from hobos to hippies because I was afraid hobos are too cliche now. Also hobos are sad and tragic and in incredibly unfortunate circumstances but hippies are like that on purpose. *OR* I probably shouldn't have GLUED THE HOT DOG BANDOLEER TO MY BODY}} http://overcompensating.com/posts/20091103.html |
| Hot Dog Man | Jeffrey: Screw this Internet businessin'! I'm goin' into a business that won't fail!
/ Baby: Hippy Pellets?
/ Jeffrey: No! Hot dog salesman! / Jeffrey: I got me a bag of hot dog bun dough that I can cook using my car's battery. And I got a hot dog bandoleer to keep the hot dogs at exactly body temperature, just the way folks like 'em! / [[Jeffrey puts his not-at-all-looking-like-a-suicide-bombin'-terrorist plan into action.]]
/ [[Sign: Hot Dogs $15.00]] / [[ s o o n]]
/ [[Jeffrey has been badly beaten up]]
/ Jeffrey: Tell me more about these "hippy pellets."
/ Baby: Tiny, compressed hippies!
/ Jeffrey: I'll get my checkbook. / {{tagline: I heard that in New York City a hot dog salesman can make up to $15,000 a "year"}}
/ {{roll-over text: changed it from hobos to hippies because I was afraid hobos are too cliche now. Also hobos are sad and tragic and in incredibly unfortunate circumstances but hippies are like that on purpose. *OR* I probably shouldn't have GLUED THE HOT DOG BANDOLEER TO MY BODY}} http://overcompensating.com/posts/20091103.html |
| YHWH The Author | Jeffrey: Man why'd you have to write a couple of vague lines about homosexuality that some Americans now use as "evidence" to keep everybody from havin' equal rights?
/ Yahweh: You think _I_ wrote the bible? / Yahweh: I ain't got time to write a book! If you haven't noticed I've been pretty busy carefully scrutinizing the base impulses of the entire world population! / Jeffrey: Who wrote the bible then?
/ Yahweh: Dudes, Jeffrey. Just some dudes. Dudes that thought gays were icky and women who didn't do what men said should be put to death. / Yahweh: _I_ wrote the ten commandments, which you didn't get right either. The guy who translated that... what was his name? Anyway he had a kick-ass boat and a hot wife. / Jeffrey: Man, I'd like to covet _that_ guy's boat!
/ Yahweh: You shoulda seen his wife! You woulda been cold gettin' your covet on, Gomorrah-style! / {{tagline: Did you know that the bible was originally not written in English? Where's the birth certificate Jesus?}}
/ {{roll-over text: Those Gomorrarians could covet like Michael Jordan could slam dunk basketballs -OR- Jurassic Park was released on VHS exactly 15 years and one month ago.}} http://overcompensating.com/posts/20091104.html |
| YHWH The Author | Jeffrey: Man why'd you have to write a couple of vague lines about homosexuality that some Americans now use as "evidence" to keep everybody from havin' equal rights?
/ Yahweh: You think _I_ wrote the bible? / Yahweh: I ain't got time to write a book! If you haven't noticed I've been pretty busy carefully scrutinizing the base impulses of the entire world population! / Jeffrey: Who wrote the bible then?
/ Yahweh: Dudes, Jeffrey. Just some dudes. Dudes that thought gays were icky and women who didn't do what men said should be put to death. / Yahweh: _I_ wrote the ten commandments, which you didn't get right either. The guy who translated that... what was his name? Anyway he had a kick-ass boat and a hot wife. / Jeffrey: Man, I'd like to covet _that_ guy's boat!
/ Yahweh: You shoulda seen his wife! You woulda been cold gettin' your covet on, Gomorrah-style! / {{tagline: Did you know that the bible was originally not written in English? Where's the birth certificate Jesus?}}
/ {{roll-over text: Those Gomorrarians could covet like Michael Jordan could slam dunk basketballs -OR- Jurassic Park was released on VHS exactly 15 years and one month ago.}} http://overcompensating.com/posts/20091104.html |
| Buying a Church | [[Tallahassee and Joanna are sitting on the sofa, Weedmaster P is standing behind it, and Jeffrey is standing next to it]]
/ Jeffrey: Hey I know! Let's buy a church!
/ Weedmaster P: WHAT'S THE WORST THAT CAN HAPPEN / [[Close-up of computer keyboard with finger on the "BUY" key]] / [[TWO WEEKS LATER...]]
/ [[Scene appears in ruins. The television is on with a scared newscaster in front of a fiery scene with the word "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO" on the screen. Jeffrey is standing next to the television in a white cloak. His face has markings on it and the number "616" is written on his forehead.]]
/ Newscaster: The race riots that started when a group of strange-looking people were allowed to buy a church have so far claimed the lives of over 75 million adorable schoolchidren...
/ Jeffrey: We shouldn't have bought that church. / {{description text: AND THAT'S WHY YOU SHOULDN'T LET REGULAR PEOPLE BUY CHURCHES}} / {{title text: Buying a church seems like a fine idea but when churches get haunted they get like, SUPER haunted.}} http://overcompensating.com/posts/20091106.html |
| Guns Week Part One | Jeffrey: The Bureau of Public Safety and Security says you ought to get a flu shot if you don't wanna catch flu.
/ Weedmaster P: EUGENICS
/ Jeffrey:They also say you have to fill out a form if you want to own more than 300 guns.
/ Weedmaster P: FASCISM / Jeffrey: Three hundred guns.
/ Tallahassee: That's too many guns.
/ Weedmaster P: The Constitution says I got a right to bear arms man I'm just followin the Constitutuion / Jeffrey: The Constitution also says you got freedom of speech but that don't mean you can't shut your goddamn mouth every once in a while
/ Weedmaster P (armed with megaphone): We'll see about that / {{tagline: I'm just following the rules I think are incredibly sweet}}
/ {{roll-over text: The Bureau of Public Safety and Security is run by a committee of people who have never personally experienced crime.}} http://overcompensating.com/posts/20091109.html |
| Guns Week Part Two | Vermont Pete (maniacal laughter): Rah ha ha ha ha
/ Tallahassee (spies a handgun in Vermont Pete's pocket): What in the -- What? / Jeffrey: Yeah, Vermont Pete's been taking some shooting classes. He's such a good shot that he knows the exact part of the brain to shoot you in to make you stop doing whatever's bothering him. / Tallahassee: I don't think Vermont Pete should be allowed to own a gun.
/ < http://overcompensating.com/posts/20091110.html |
| Guns Week Part Two | Vermont Pete (maniacal laughter): Rah ha ha ha ha
/ Tallahassee (spies a handgun in Vermont Pete's pocket): What in the -- What? / Jeffrey: Yeah, Vermont Pete's been taking some shooting classes. He's such a good shot that he knows the exact part of the brain to shoot you in to make you stop doing whatever's bothering him. / Tallahassee: I don't think Vermont Pete should be allowed to own a gun.
/ < http://overcompensating.com/posts/20091110.html |
| Guns Week Part Three | Jeffrey: Quick, we have to hide guns all around the office, just in case!
/ Paperklip: In case what? We all get drunk and emotional and decide murder-suicide is vastly superior to death by gradual, ugly, painful deterioration? / [[Jeffrey pauses to consider this]] / Jeffrey: No! We need to get a bunch of guns in case the government tries to _take_ our guns, and the only way to stop them is by shooting our guns at them! / {{tagline: Or, you know, what she said}}
/ {{roll-over text: I'm just kidding, growing old and dying disgracefully destitute and diseased in a ditch is WAY better than making a spontaneous, impulsive, noisy decision.}} http://overcompensating.com/posts/20091111.html |
| Guns Week Part Four | Vermont Pete: Hell yeah buddy we are armed to the teeth now.
/ Jeffrey: What does that even _mean_? "Armed to the teeth"? / Vermont Pete: It means you got so many goddamn guns that when you stack 'em up they go all the way up to your teeth. It's like, hyperbole.
/ Weedmaster P: YOU LIE It means you're so well-armed that even your teeth got little tooth-guns / (Voice offscreen): TOOTH GUNS?
/ Weedmaster P: Yeah check it out / [[Close-up of Weedmaster P's horrifying mouth. Almost every rotten, snaggly tooth has its very own little gun hanging from it]] / {{tagline: Weedmaster P tied a bunch of little toy guns to his teeth just to be a dick}}
/ {{roll-over text:'Armed to the teeth' actually means that you have more guns than you have bullets, so you might need to use your own teeth as bullets.}} http://overcompensating.com/posts/20091112.html |
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