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TAKE EM OUT PAT I'M GONNA TAKE OUT PAT ROBERTSON! / ARE YOU SAYING YOU'RE GONNA ASSASSINATE PAT ROBERTSON? / NO, I MEAN "TAKE HIM OUT." LIKE, TO DINNER. MAYBE HE'S HUNGRY.
WEBCEST STRIKES AGAIN Jeffrey: Taxachusetts... / Jeffrey: tuberculosis... / Jeffrey: Webcest... / Crissy Moran: Jeffrey, why are you wasting your time! The world needs your word right now! The world needs... webcest! / Jeffrey: Wow! Crissy Moran! / Crissy Moran: Do it before somebody else does! / Multi-breasted Rat-warrior...
WILL YOU HELP ME BUY A NEW CAMERA Jeffrey: Well, I've been stalling for over a week so it's prob'ly time to explore my haunted basement! / Jeffrey: ...but it's dark down there... and I'm poor now and I don't have a camera... If only the internet would buy a camera for me! / Baby: Jeffrey, it's just an old basement why do ye a camera...
OF BUTTS AND HUTS Weedmaster P: I'M A NERD AND YOU'RE A TURD I LIVE IN A HUT AND YOU LIVE IN A BUTT / Jeffrey: Ha ha! I didn't know that nerds lived in huts! / Weedmaster P: OF COURSE THEY DO YOU LIVE IN A HUT AFTER ALL / Jeffrey: Wait, I thought you said I was a turd and as a result I live in a butt. / Weedmaster...
OPPRESS THE NOVICE [[Weedmaster P is hunched over his computer]] / WEEDMASTER P: Gotta get in there gotta level up / JEFFREY: Hey Weedmaster P are you "pwning teh n00bxorz"? / [[Weedmaster P hits Jeffrey in the face with a tire iron]] / <> / [[Jeffrey is prone and bleeding on the ground; Weedmaster P raises the...
 
VOTE FOR SCARFACE [[Jeffrey and the Poopmonster are in the office]] / Jeffrey: I've got it! I'll change my name to Kerry Edwards so I can run for president and save money on bumper stickers! / The Poopmonster: Dammit, I was about 10 seconds from thinking of that! / [[Jeffrey is an old politician in a suit with a scar on...
THE ULTIMATE CHARACTER Baby: My, what a lovely day! / Jeffrey: Not nearly lovely enough, if you ask me. This is America. We deserve lovelier. / Jeffrey: Screw this! I'm goin' back inside to make up the greatest cartoon character in the history of Earth. / Jeffrey: I hope you brought some tissues, world, because your...
CYBER PUNK'D Jeffery: Guys, we have to get on the INTERNET! / Weedmaster P: ALL RIGHT JACKIN' IN TO SOME CYBER JUICE / Baby: I'll get my gear! / Jeffrey: All right we have to jack in to a live node. What do you got for me, Weedmaster P? / Weedmaster P: YO I AM PATCHED INTO THE SYSTEM BUT SON OF A BITCH THE NODE...
I AM MADE OF POISON AND XML [[Rather than a comic, this is simply the I AM MADE OF POISON sticker in black and yellow.]] / {{Mouseover text: no shoes no shirt no fun}}
MOTORCYCLES ARE LOUD Weedmaster P: MAN I LOVE JAPAN SO MUCH I GET SO MAD WHEN I THINK ABOUT US NUKING JAPAN THAT I WANT TO SET MYSELF ON FIRE / Jeffrey: I can't hear you over the god-damned motorcycles!! / Weedmaster P: DAMN JEFF WHY YOU HATIN' ON MOTORCYCLES DO YOU HATE FREEDOM / Jeffrey: If motorcycles get to be loud then...
 
BECAUSE PLAY Jeffrey: MANDATORY COSPLAY FRIDAY! / Weedmaster P [in Geisha outfit]: WEEDGEISHA P REPORTING FOR DUTY / Baby [in She-Ra outfit]: Why do we have to do this again, Jeffrey? / Jeffrey [in Slash outfit]: Because it's mandatory. That means you have to. / Baby: But why Jeffrey? Why Friday? Why? / Jeffrey:...
THE WORLD OF SPACE [[An iTunes window in the background is showing Sufjan Steven's "The 50 States Song (Live) is playing.]] / Weedmaster P, Baby and Jeffrey [[Singing]]: Let's go on a trip. The solar system, get in a spaceship, let's go and visit them! / Weedmaster P, Baby and Jeffrey [[Singing]]: From Mercury to Planet...
SUFFERING SUCCOTASH Weedmaster P: JEFFREY SOME GUY WATCHED TV FOR 70 HOURS STRAIGHT TO RAISE AWARENESS FOR CHILDREN SUFFERING / Jeffrey: Whoa! Children can suffer?! / Jeffrey: All this time I thought children were totally impervious to things that are terrible! I have been blind! / Baby: Hey, where's Jeffrey? / Weedmaster...
THE BRITISH INSPECTION <> / Jeffrey: Yes? / The Englishman: Jeffrey, old bean. Sleeping off another one I suspect? / Jeffrey: THE ENGLISHMAN... / Jeffrey: Dammit The Englishman, don't you know what time it is? / The Englishman: Half past ten AM Eastern time by my bejeweled timepiece, and... my God, my arms......
PUNCHING THE SKY Baby: What's wrong, Jeffrey? Why are you punching yourself and screaming in the mirror and vomiting? / Jeffrey: The Englishman is coming back to America. / Baby: GASP! My former lover? / Jeffrey: Yeah, he's comin' back to make fun of America... wait, you used to bang The Englishman? / Jeffrey:...
 
SNAKES ON A PLANE [[The horizon. Samuel L. Jackson is holding a lightsaber and a badge.]] / Samuel L. Jackson: SNAKES ON A PLANE!! / Jeffrey: Oh my god! A plane... with snakes on it? / Samuel L. Jackson: SNAKES ON A MUTHA-FUCKIN' PLANE!! / Jeffrey: Somebody just lets a bunch of snakes loose on a plane, holy crap. / Samuel...
CVB Jeffrey: Huh? / [[A shot of Jeffrey's arm with CVB written on it in pen.]] / Jeffrey: What the hell is CVB? / Poopmonster: Come on Jeffrey, it's time to go to Maryland and fight The Englishman. / Jeffrey: Hang on I'm trying to figure something out. / Poopmonster: Come on. / Jeffrey: Dangit I got...
OVERCOMPENSATING: WOULD YOU LIKE TO SEE OUR GIANT KARAOKE MACHINE Narration: BETHESDA, MD... 23. SEP. 2005 / 29 HOURS SINCE LAST SLEEP... / Jeff: Where are we, is this still New Jersey? / The Poopmonster: We're here, Jeffrey, we're at where we are. / Jeff: Hey uh are you guys some cartooners I guess. / Cartooner 1: I beg your pardon! We are comic artists. We are profoundly...
SPX MEMORIES Jeffrey: Woah! Where are we? Is it time to sign autographs? / Poopmonster: Huh? SPX is over bub. We're goin' back t' Taxachusetts. / Jeffrey: No Way. / Jeffrey: Oh my God! Somebody must have stolen my memories! / Poopmonster: That's crazy. What d'ya think this is, a comic book? / Jeffrey: It happens all...
Support our troops Woman: Support our troops! / Jeffrey: Okay. Now what? / Woman: You ain't supportin' the troops! You ain't got a sticker on your car or a t-shirt! / Jeffrey: Can't I just support the troops in my own quiet way with prayers and writing to public officials? / Woman: How much more simple can I make it? There...
 
EGGS AT ELEVEN Caption: 11:04 am / Jeffrey (in fancy sports car): Boy I sure could go for some scrambled eggs. / Sign: Welcome to South Hadley "WE DO NOT SERVE EGGS AFTER 11 AM" / Jeffrey (wielding a sword and leaping heroically): We'll see about that! / Jeffrey (lands in front of Pancake House, ready to battle):...
DMT Jeffrey: Tell me about those dragons, Weedmaster P. / Weedmaster P: OH MY GOD JEFFREY LOOK / Weedmaster P: IT IS A MACHINE ELF / (Machine elf flies in, wielding a hammer and screwdriver, smiling sweetly) / Weedmaster P: IF YOU CATCH A MACHINE ELF YOU BECOME THE MASTER OF REALITY / (Machine elf bares...
HAVA NAGILA Jeffrey [[Voiceover]]: As we walked through the feces and vagrant-strewn streets en route to the Decemberists show, a shadow loomed long. / Jeffrey [[Voiceover]]: Madame V wept openly. I felt eyes on me, and not the good kind of eyes like a college girl mistaking me for someone she likes... / Colin...
KERRY EDWARDS AND THE EUTHANASIA PARTY [[The Campaign Trail 2008 Kerry Edwards Headquarters]] / Kerry Edwards: How's the polls lookin', Weedmaster Turd Blossum? / Weedmaster Rove: we got good news and bad news / Weedmaster Rove: 95% of americans are in prison for treason and aidsbola poxflu x is killing 1500 people a second. / Kerry Edwards:...
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AMERICAN GRAFFITI [[Jeffrey sits on the toilet in a bathroom stall.]] / [[The following are on separate sections of the inside of the stall.]] / Writing: Here I sit broken hearted tried to shit but only farted / [[An arrow leads from this writing to the previous]] / Writing: There you sit Dumb as Hell Think you're funny...
NOT NEARLY NIGH ENOUGH [The Poopmonster and Jeffrey are protesting in front of a wintry landscape. They carry picket signs reading "The End is Nigh" and "The End Couldn't be Nigher", respectively] / Poopmonster: Them ice caps is a-meltin'! / Jeffrey: Good! / Poopmonster: The world's oil supply will be gone in less than 20...
ROCKTOBER RAIN Jeffrey: Ok! We get it! You can rain! Enough with the raining! / Weedmaster P: JEFFREY SCREAMING AT THE CLOUDS ISN'T GONNA MAKE THE RAIN STOP YOU DICK ASS / Jeffery: Who else am I gonna scream at? You got a better idea? / Weedmaster P: LOOK I KNOW A GUY OKAY BUT IT'LL COST YOU TWO HUNDRED / Jeffrey:...
BREAKIN' THE LAW [[ Weedmaster P with long stretchy limbs a la Plastic Man ]] / Jeffrey: Oh God! What's wrong with my mind?! / Weedmaster P: Nothing Jeffrey see I figgered it all out / [[ Weedmaster P as the prince from Katamari Damacy ]] / Weedmaster P: The laws of physics only exist because you believe they do If you...
DOES HE LOOK LIKE A CHICK Jeffrey: Ha ha! Some people on the inter-net are saying you look like a chick, Weedmaster P! / Weedmaster P: MAYBE IF YOU COULD DRAW I WOULD LOOK RIGHT / Jeffrey: Oh, now you think you can draw a cyber-comic? You think you got the right stuff? / Weedmaster P: ANY OLD DICKHEAD CAN DO WHAT YOU DO / [[Panel...
 

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