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Halloween 2011 Part Five [[Bulimic Dracula and Jeffrey in nighttime forest]] / Narrator: He paused in taking of his prey/To ask him how much does he weigh/His reply Drac could barely believe/"I weigh less than that even with my weave!" / Narrator: "You don't look like a big, fat dude"/He told the man who would be food/The man...
Snowloween [[Tallahassee, Jeffrey and Joanna in underground bunker. Tallahassee with smartphone]] / Narrator: FRIDAY / Tallahassee: According to this thing I can't put down to save my life, it's gonna snow tomorrow! / Jeffrey: That's just Big Grocery usin' Big Weather to artificially inflate the price of non-perishable...
STARTING To? Jeffrey: UGH! / Agent Paperklip: What is it this time, Jeffrey? / Jeffrey: I'm starting to kinda hate this culture I helped create. / Agent Paperklip: No offense, but I kinda think the culture would have formed *without* your input. / Jeffrey: But I'm the one who made it *cool!* / Agent Paperklip: Wait,...
Dog Organs [[Tallahassee sits in warehouse, Jeffrey runs toward her]] / Tallahassee: Do you know what we should get? We should get a...dog... / Jeffrey: No way! / [[Jeffrey holds out hand-drawn diagram of dog]] / Jeffrey: Dogs are like weird monsters! They only got one organ, the lung. And I heard you gotta squeeze...
Easthampton's Next Top Mayor [[Jeffrey stands, hands on hips. Tallahassee sits at desk labelled "SAVE THE PETS NOT THE PET PROJECTS"]] / Jeffrey: OK, Mayor Mike's got two more years, then I'm gonna become Easthampton's next mayor. / Tallahassee: Aren't you already the "Inside President" of the United States as Kerry Edwards? / Jeffrey:...
 
Eleventy Leven [[Jeffrey stands with 11 jersey, Weedmaster P sits with tinfoil hat]] / Jeffrey: C'mon gang, it's almost 11 o'clock! Let's go the The Elevens and see Paperklip's 11-piece band play 11 songs! / Weedmaster P: MAN THAT'S TOO MANY 11S YOU TAKIN IT TOO FAR MAN YOU GOIN ROGUE AIN'T YOU SCARED / Jeffrey: Scared...
Pull Shapes [[Weedmaster P jumps into room, Jeffrey lies on floor with Joanna]] / Weedmaster P: GUYS GUYS I THINK I JUST FIGURED OUT WHY THE HUMAN WEENIE IS SHAPED LIKE THAT. IT'S TO PUMP OUT OTHER DUDES' SPOOGE WHEN YOU'RE GETTIN IT ON / Offscreen voice: Augh / Jeffrey: Eww / Jeffrey: Nobody wants to think about...
Olive Garden Caption: Meanwhile at the Olive Garden... / Jeffrey: You guys know how each Olive Garden has an actual Italian chef that runs their kitchens? / Paperklip: Of course / Jeffrey: But did you know how they get them? / Jeffrey: Once a year they send a ship to Italy to round up as many wild Italian chefs...
Annual Review [[Jeffrey spreading gasoline, Topato floating]] / Topato: Jeffrey Rowland! / Jeffrey: Topato! I can explain! / Topato: Explain what? How you are able to command my corporation with such outstanding results! / Jeffrey: What are you talkin' about, Topato? We ain't gonna make as much money as we did last...
Stinky Poop Tallahassee: Jeez Louise, who pooped in there? It smells terrible! / Weedmaster P: At it doesn't smell GOOD, that'd be weird / Jeffrery: Yeah, if poop smelled good it would get all confusing. / Weedmaster P: Like if poop smelled good like hamburgers / Jeffrey: Yeah! If poo smelled good like hamburgers...
 
Thanksgiving 2011 [[Jeffrey sits at table with turkey, dressed in half-hearted feather headdress and dream-catcher]] / Jeffrey: You know what I'm thankful for, Stretch? I'm thankful I"m not in prison. / Stretch: Mmm. / Stretch: I'm thankful that even though I'm a bird I can't fly. I'm thankful that I'm hideously grotesque...
The Revenge of the BBB [[Jeffrey stands in over-crowded warehouse, Topato floats behind]] / Jeffrey: OK where was we...oh right, gettin' our asses handed to us by all these holiday orders! / Topato: And I was just complimenting your business abilities! / Jeffrey: That's right, Topato! You gonna pull that Better Business Burro...
Army Alternatives [[Weedmaster P stands, hands on hips, while Jeffrey does crunches with the Better Business Burro standing behind him]] / Weedmaster P: HA HA JUNK ASS WHAT ARE YOU EVEN DOING / Jeffry: I'm sick of that Better Business Burro bein' up my butt all the time. I"m doin Challenge Activities so I can join the Army. / Weedmaster...
Vannah [[Weedmaster P lounging, Jeffrey walking across panel in foreground; Better Business Burro in background]] / Weedmaster P: WHAT'S THE MATTER DINGLE BERRY DID THE ARMY NOT LET YOU IN 'CAUSE YOU'RE TOO UGLY / Jeffrey: No. I decided not to join 'cause I'm too scared of getting hurt. / [Close on Jeffrey,...
Amtrak Wine Jeffrey: God dang, Doc Hastings. Is there anything better than ridin' on the Amtrak, eatin' Amtrak Hot Dogs and drinkin' Amtrak wine? / Doc Hastings: Only that exact situation but with the absence of that man who is pretending to be asleep but clearly isn't because of the incessant tapping of his foot. / Jeffrey:...
 
The Morning I Drove Away Vannah [[Jeffrey and MC Frontalot lie in bed; Jeffrey is clothed and on top of covers, MC Frontalot is at least partially naked beneath covers]] / Narrator: SUNDAY MORNING / Jeffrey: I feel...vaguely guilty for some reason. / MC Frontalot: I feel all hungoverey. / [[Sideview: MC Frontalot getting out of bed,...
Twenty Twelve [[Jeffrey lies, disheveled, on the ground; Weedmaster P sits next to him]] / Jeffrey: Wh...where am I...what year is it? / Weedmaster P: HOW THE HELL SHOULD I KNOW / Jeffrey: I remember it being almost Christmas and then... I got dizzy... / Weedmaster P: YOUR BRAIN PROBABLY DUMPED ALL THE MEMORIES TO KEEP...
Pellets [[Jeffrey walks, abs drawn on him and Joanna]] / Jeffrey [[thinking]]: Oh man I remembered to take my fish oil, I better take it before I forget. / [[jeffrey takes pills from bottle]] / <> / [[Smoke rises from his mouth; confusion]] / Jeffrey: What the? / [[Shot of bottle: it reads "Nature's Revenge:...
The Getaway [[Jeffrey stands at ATM, wearing sunglasses; Tallahassee stands behind]] / Tallahassee: I just want to say for the record I think it's wrong to empty all the company accounts and flee the country. / Jeffrey: I told you it ain't stealin' if you can somehow convince yourself you earned it! / [[Shot of ATM...
St. Groundhog's Day Eve 2012 [[Tallahassee and Jeffrey sit, sunburned, on an airplane. Tallahassee looks out window.]] / Tallahassee: Jeffrey the Bahamas are moving away from us, why is that happening? / Jeffrey: 'Cause tomorrow is St. Groundhog's Day. Also we ran out of money at the airport on the way there. / Tallahassee: How was...
 
St. Groundhog's Day 2012 [[Tallahassee and Jeffrey walk, disheveled]] / Narrator: PUNXSATAWNEY, PA / Jeffrey: You know, I been thinkin' about how come St. Groundhog's Day is so important to my people-- / Tallahassee: GASP! / [[Tallahasse in foreground, unfocused, Better Business Burro in background]] / Tallahassee: It's the Better...
St. Groundhog's Day 2012 Part Two [[Jeffrey stares into distance, Tallahassee consults tablet]] / Jeffrey: The groundhog is staring at me, Tallahassee. What does it mean? / Tallahassee: According to the Spirit Farmer's Maniac Almanac...six weeks of cholera. / [[Hand of Better Business Burro, holding card]] / Card: UNLESS... / [[BBB handing...
St. Groundhog's Day 2012 Part Three [[Jeffrey stands, Topato floats, in Punxsatawney, PA]] / Jeffrey: Alright, Topato. What do I gotta do to get you to cure my Groundhog curse? / Topato: Jeffrey are you aware that is has been nearly nine months since the last adventure story involving me? / Jeffrey: Two...three...five and a half...eight...
Enter the Spirit Journey [[Jeffrey stands uncomfortably, Topato floats, in Punxsatawney, PA]] / Jeffrey: A spirit journey? I don't know about that, Topato...what if I get drug-tested? / Topato: Are you not technically your own employer? Why would you test yourself for drug use? / Jeffrey: Let's just say as my own boss I got at...
Spirit Journey's End Jeffrey: Ah. My spirit journey is complete. / Jeffrey: Now I just gotta sit down at my computerin' machine and get all these ideas organized. / [[Later]] Jeffrey: I ... I don't .... / Jeffrey: What the fuck does this even mean?
 
Tell Us the Truth About St Valentime's Day [[Jeffrey sits at computer in foreground, Weedmaster P in background]] / Jeffrey: Okay internet, I get it. Sometimes ladies have weenies. I get it. / Weedmaster P: WHOA DID YOU COME BACK FROM YOUR SPIRIT JOURNEY / Jeffrey: I been back. Now git, I'm researchin' about Valentime Day. / Weedmaster P: BUT DON'T...
Grider [[An excited and levitating Tallahassee approaches Jeffrey who is sitting sadly on the floor in his shorts.]] / Tallahassee: Hey Jeffrey, the gang's all going out to watch "Ghost Rider"! You wanna come with? / Jeffrey: What's "Ghost Rider"? / [[The back of Tallahassee's head starts to explain, but Jeffrey...
What's THAT All About [[Jeffrey stands in brightly colored outfit (red shoes, orange high-waisted pants with suspenders, yellow shirt with white collar, turquoise tie), talking to Weedmaster P, who is sitting on the floor cradling Joanna]] / Jeffrey: The other day I went to a drive-thru ATM and it had braille writing on it!...
L.E.A.P. Day 2012 Heh, heh, heh. Happy March First, everyone. / It's not March 1st. It's February 29th. Leap Day. / Wait, whaaaaaat? / No! / I turned off the grow light for my Rapture Demon one day too soon! / Stupid discount calendar bin...
Gods and Monsters [[Joanna and Winston lie around, being dumb. Weedmaster P observes, hands on hips]] / Weedmaster P: DO ANIMALS THINK PEOPLE ARE LIKE, GODS / [[Weedmaster P kneels by Joanna, Jeffrey stands next to them]] / Weedmaster P: AND THE REASON THEY ACT SO DUMB IS BECAUSE THEY'RE TRIPPING AN UNBELIEVABLE AMOUNT...
 

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