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Twitternet Jeffrey: G?D of Internet, why have you summoned me? / G?D of Internet: LOL im grantin u 1 wish 4 NEthing u want on eth whole in3ertubez d00d #'_' / Jeffrey: _Anything?_ Can you make the Twitter go away? / G?D of Internet: Y? Cuz u h8 it? / Jeffrey: Yeah, I kinda do. / G?D of Internet: lol mebbe u dont...
The Reckoning [[Jeffrey sits staring at the phone]] / [[The phone rings!]] / Jeffrey: Ass. / Jeffrey: You rang? / Yahweh: Jeffrey you and I need to discuss the small matter of that thing you said last night. / Jeffrey: Which one? / Yahweh: About how if your preferred political candidate didn't win I would "kill you." / Jeffrey:...
The Reckoning 2 [[Later, in Hell]] / Jeffrey: Ugh, this place is bullshit! / Hell resident: Tell me about it. What are you in for? / Jeffrey: Blasphemy, I think. You? / Hell resident: Me? I died two weeks before Jesus was born. / Jeffrey: Wait, I thought olds like you were supposed to get a free ride? / Hell resident:...
The Reckoning 3: Absconding From Pandemonium Jeffrey: I gotta get the "hell" outta here! I got back taxes to pay! / Hell Resident: Good luck with that, pal. Let me know how that works out for ya. / Jeffrey: Wait! My kitty cat has a telepathic link to the spirit world! / Jeffrey (telepathically): Jeffrey to Joanna... / [[Joanna being her normally...
Teen Screens Jeffrey: Thanks for agreeing to meet with me, Mayor Mike. / Mayor Mike: I'm just excited for you to stop making that high-pitched sound that only I can hear. What's on your mind? / Jeffrey: It's teens, Mayor Mike. Every time I go through town there's all these teens everywhere. Honestly it makes everybody...
 
Teen Screenz Jeffrey: Well the city won't buy my Teen Screens. Guess I'll toss 'em in the Giant Hole. / Weedmaster P: Well how are you spelling "screens" / Jeffrey: "S-c-r-e-e-n-s." / Weedmaster P: Well there's your problem man You got to spell things with a 'Z' instead of an 'S' --S-C-R-E-E-N-Z-- if you wanna...
Guessing Game Jeffrey: Hey everybody let's play a Fill in the Blanks game! I woke up this morning with a ___________. / Paperklip: "sense of entitlement" / Some Guy: "inexplicable grudge against Garth Brooks" / Weedmaster P: "bewildered ambulance driver" / Tallahassee: "suicide note from Perez Hilton" / Some Guy: "Tiny,...
VHEMT Jeffrey: Hey Weedmaster P, why so smug? / Weedmaster P: I just joined the Voluntary Human Extinction Movement / Jeffrey: Oh yeah, what's that? / Weedmaster P: It's a group of people who believe the Earth would be better off without human beans all up on it / Jeffrey: We all believe that, Weedmaster P....
tShirt [[Jeffrey is onstage, dressed like Steve Jobs]] / Jeffrey: Thanks for coming out to gape at the new Topatco product, everybody. I call it... wait for it... the _tShirt_! / [[There are maybe half a dozen people in the bleachers]] / Jeffrey: As you can see, it's about twice as big as our previous product....
tShirt [[Jeffrey is with MC Frontalot, who is holding a small dog wearing a sweater]] / Jeffrey: Yo MC Frontalot dog you gonna show 'em how it's done? / MC Frontalot: Indeed Jeffrey but before I get to cold yellin' sick rhymes, do you perchance have a temporary shelter for Doggy Fresh during the time when I do...
 
Groundhog's Day 2009 [[Jeffrey Rowland, Tallahassee Econolodge, and Joanna panic in the office as Jeffrey Rowland shouts]] / Jeffery Rowland: Augh! Groundhog?s Day! Everybody get your Groundhog suits on! Tallahassee, you set up the road block! / [[ Jeffrey Rowland, Baby Lam, Weedmaster P are in the warehouse. Jeffrey Rowland...
A St. Groundhog's Day Tradition [[Jeffrey and Tallahassee are wearing their groundhog suits]] / Jeffrey: All right! Is the giant wicker groundhog ready to light on fire? / Tallahassee: Dang right it is! / [[Baby is also wearing her groundhog suit]] / Jeffrey: Are all the megaphones charged up? Everybody memorize all the words to the...
Of Draculas and Frankensteins Weedmaster P: Jeffrey man I need somebody to be straight with me Is there such a thing as Draculas or not / [[Jeffrey is rather Dracula-looking, dressed in black, with fangs and widow's-peak hair]] / Jeffrey: There used to be Draculas, back in the olden days. Back when there was Frankensteins. / Weedmaster...
Black History Month 2010 Happy Black History Month, Paperklip! I got you this huge bag of weed! / YO TOTALLY FLY BLACK HISTORY MONTH SISTA GIRLFRIEND WHAT IT IS / Don't do this, Jeffrey. You leave Black History Month alone. / What?! I just want to celebrate a month! It's not like there's a Native American Heritage Month! / There...
Running GAGG Offstage voice: Doc Hastings, Jeffrey Rowland and Joey Softerworld! Tell us about how you make comics. / Doc Hastings: I once spent an evening singing karaoke songs with Bill Murray. He bought us a round of Chartreuse. / Offstage voice: Jeffrey? / Jeffrey: One time I worked for th' gub'mint and when...
 
Awareness Awareness Month Jeffrey: We gotta make an Awareness Awareness month! It ain't enough to just be _aware_ of something for a month! / [[Weedmaster P freaks out]] / Weedmaster P: Man I don't need that shit I'm so high that I'm aware of everything -- Morgellan's Disease Pandemonium T-Virus Acute Awareness Syndrome The...
Chester [[Chester the Cat sits on the floor]] / Chester: Mrak / Chester: *blink* / [[Chester the Cat flies through space. In the background we see two planets colliding with a fiery explosion]] / {{alt text: You know how animals sometimes know bad stuff is gonna happen before it happens? Maybe Chester didn't...
Chester [[Chester the Cat sits on the floor]] / Chester: Mrak / Chester: *blink* / [[Chester the Cat flies through space. In the background we see two planets colliding with a fiery explosion]] / {{alt text: You know how animals sometimes know bad stuff is gonna happen before it happens? Maybe Chester didn't...
Getting Over It Jeffrey: I guess you're right, Joanna. If every pet that somebody ever loved got to live forever the whole world'd be about 50-foot deep in cats and dogs and gerbils and lobsters and turtles an' stuff... / Jeffrey: ... all wrigglin' around on top of the graves of long-dead little girls... / Jeffrey:...
Happy Rod St. Valentime's Day Title: Happy Rod St. Valentime's Day / Weedmaster P: TELL US AGAIN ABOUT VALENTIME'S DAY JEFFREY / Jeffrey: Velntime's day was invented by a super-horny angel named Rod St. Valentime, the horniest angel. / Jeffrey (narrating): There was a problem, though. Angels can't get it on. So Rod challenged...
Making It Harder Jeffrey you've been up all night hacking! Go to bed! / Look I'm sorry! I'm just tryin' to make internet harder to use, like how it was back in the day. / What? / Part of the reason everything is so terrible nowadays is that just about anybody can figure out how to use internet, even olds and "celebutantes."...
 
Mascots Weed Master P: You know what I'm not scared of / Jeff: What? / Weed Master P: Sports team mascots / [[Jeff draws a bunch of mascots]] / {{Boston Wolfmans, Effingham Genital Mutilators, Atlanta Jihadist Beheaders, L.A. Suicidal Sex Crimnals, St Louis Holocaust Apologists, Sex Clowns Detroit, Seattle Satanic...
Antidemotivationalism Title: Antidemotivationalism / Jeffrey: Weedmaster P, what do you think about an art gallery that only has art that makes people feel bad... What the? / [[Weedmaster P holds a poster with a sad looking puppy and the words I'M SORRY I've been looking at too much internet and...]] / [[Weedmaster P...
A Temple Constantly in Need of Repair Jeffrey: Boy I sure am glad Lord God put hair around my nipples and belly button! Those parts get so cold! / Weedmaster P: I'm just glad God gave me nipples I use em all the time / Baby: I'm glad God put my hoo-ha right next to my butthole! / Weedmaster P: Man I heard that / Jeffrey: My favorite part...
Before I Die [[The Future]] / Future Police Man: Jeffrey do you have any last words before we execute you for being a misanthrope? / Jeff: Well, I-- / Future Police Man: Holy crap, sexy lay aliens just landed on the White House lawn! / Future Police Man: They want to meet the most misanthropic man in the world to breed...
Snowicane [[Jeffrey, Baby, and Weedmaster P are sitting on a couch]] / Weedmaster P: WHOA WHAT HAPPENED / Jeffrey: The electrics went off on account of the snow-i-cane. / Baby: AUGH! / <> / Jeffrey: How come your eyeballs are the only ones we can see? / Weedmaster P: CUZ I GOT COOL BUG EYES AND YOU GOT CRUDDY...
 
The Visitors [[Weedmaster P is sitting in his bed in the dark, staring at the window]] / Weedmaster P: OH HELL YEAH THE VISITORS ARE BACK / Narrator: Soon... / [[UFO flies in]] / UFO: Hey again, Weedmaster P! What do you wanna do tonight? / [[Weedmaster P, from inside the UFO with E.T. and Alf as pilots]] / Weedmaster...
The Visitors [[Weedmaster P is sitting in his bed in the dark, staring at the window]] / Weedmaster P: OH HELL YEAH THE VISITORS ARE BACK / Narrator: Soon... / [[UFO flies in]] / UFO: Hey again, Weedmaster P! What do you wanna do tonight? / [[Weedmaster P, from inside the UFO with E.T. and Alf as pilots]] / Weedmaster...
Hot Dog Problems [[Does this ever happen to you?]] / Jeffrey: Man I am way too wasted to eat this hot dog... / Jeffrey (off screen): I'll just put it here and eat it in the morning! / [[But then...]] / Jeffrey: Somebody stole'd my hot dog! / [[But now with the new Google Hot Dog Locatr, (Beta) that nonsense is over......
Funny Jokes [[Jeffrey is sitting on a box, Weedmaster P is standing with his arms spread]] / Jeffrey: Man, if there's one thing I learned from internet, it's that pedophilia is hi-larious! / Weedmaster P: YEAH MAN THEY GOT THAT LITTLE CARTOON BEAR THAT MAKES IT EVEN HILARIOUSER / [[Tallahassee stand behind Weedmaster...
Funny Jokes [[Jeffrey is sitting on a box, Weedmaster P is standing with his arms spread]] / Jeffrey: Man, if there's one thing I learned from internet, it's that pedophilia is hi-larious! / Weedmaster P: YEAH MAN THEY GOT THAT LITTLE CARTOON BEAR THAT MAKES IT EVEN HILARIOUSER / [[Tallahassee stand behind Weedmaster...
The Facebook [[Jeffrey Rowland sits as his computer, browsing The Facebook, as Baby Lam? sends facebook suggestions to his accout.]] / Facebook feed: Baby Lam? suggested you become a fan of Becoming a Fan of Becoming a Fan of Things on The Facebook. / Jeffrey Rowland: NO / Facebook feed: Baby Lam? wants to sell you...
Cooking for Assholes [[Jeffrey Rowland is clean shaven and dressed in chef's whites and a hair net, his expression is manic]] / Caption: The Cooking Asshole / [[Jeffrey Rowland, whose chef's whites (and newly-revealed apron) now feature stains at the armpits and other places, stands in front of an electrical outlet in the...
 

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