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Personal Responsibility Cloverfield Monster: My boss is a dick. In fact, all of my bosses are always dicks. And my roommates are always bastards and/or bitches without exception. / Jeff: It's actually pretty unlikely for everyone to be as terrible as you're claiming, The Cloverfield Monster. You need to face the possibility...
The Legend of Joey Softerworld [Jeffrey and Joey sitting in a restaurant.] / Jeffrey: Joey Softerworld, I know you Canadians think all us Americans are a bunch of rude barbarians so I'm-a gonna show you a good, clean time. / Joey: Boy! Cook me a duck and fuck that bitch up. / [Jeffrey and Joey walking down the street. A waiter from...
The Seven Habits of Incredibly Douchey Hipsters Jeff: Hey Typical Effeminate Hipster Douchebag, where's your ubiquitous Japanese girlfriend? / [[Hipster raises his hood over his head]] / [[Hipster stares and sneers]] / Hipster: Knittin' a Gothic Lolita costume outta fair trade soy yarn. / [[Jeff hands him an envelope]] / Letter: Knitting a gothic...
Ass Nickels Weedmaster P: GOD DANG DID YOU KNOW IT TAKES SEVEN AND A HALF CENTS TO MAKE A FIVE CENT NICKEL / Jeffery: Why do they keep making new nickels? Aren't there enough nickels? / Soon... / Weedmaster P: I AM THE NICKEL MAN YOU GIVE-A ME 19 NICKELS I GIVE-A YOU ONE DOLLAR / Woman: Goodness what a deal / Man:...
Daily Affirmation Jeffrey (Thinking): Dang, is any of this reality really real or is it just an insane computer built by a giant alien nerd? / Tallahassee: Here's the report, Jeffrey. The universe is still destined for oblivion and a gay furry man wants you to artificial inseminate him. / [[Jeffrey reads the report]] / Jeffrey...
 
Goal Teefs Weedmaster P: AW YEAH NOW THAT I'm RICH OFFA NICKELS I'm GOIN' DOWN TO THE STORE AN GETTIN' FITTED FOR SOME GOLD TEETHS / Jeffrey: Whoa! You don't know the truth about gold teeth? / Weedmaster P: YES BUT SAY IT ANYWAY / Jeffrey: Dude, didn't you ever notice that gold teeth are extremely shitty lookin'?...
OVERCOMPENSATING: The Journal Comic With a Seething Disdain for Reality. [[Jeffry arrives at the pearly gates trailer park knee-deep in something while Jesus sits at a table playing Uno]] / Jeffrey: Hey J.C.! I just wanted to say "thanks!" I did like that AM radio preacher said and prayed real hard and I'll be danged if there wasn't some golden fillings in my rotted-ass teeth...
Firstname McLastname [[Tallahassee sits at the computer, Jeffrey is standing behind her]] / Tallahassee: Huge McAwesomeguy? Come on people, if you're gonna make up a fake name to place an order put a *little* effort into it! / Jeffrey: Maybe he's being literal like maybe he is a bona fide Irishman that is big as one of them...
I Get to Believe Baby: Guys, guys! Th' Vatican says it's okay to believe in aliens now! / Weedmaster P: Oh man I'm gonna believe in the shit out of some aliens now / Jeffrey: Suddenly so . . . cold! / Galileo's Ghost: This is bullshit! I got excommunicated for trying to tell people the sun goes around the Earth! / Jeffrey:...
The Love Shaq [[Jeffrey holds and examines an orange bottle]] / [[He sees on the bottle a picture of Shaq, and a message]] / Bottle: PEEL BACK FOR A CHANCE TO KICK BACK WITH SHAQ / [[Jeffrey peels back the wrapper]] / [[The wrapper informs Jeffrey he is a WINNER!!, and he drops the bottle]] / Jeffrey: (quietly) FUCK / [[A...
 
Dirty Comics WEEDMASTER: What are you drawin now turd juggler / JEFF: New "Wigu" comics! I'm gonna start puttin' out new ones this Thursday! / WEEDMASTER: Is this for Internet / JEFF: Yes it is for internet. / WEEDMASTER: Hm I don't know there's not any jokes aboue rape and it don't look like it was drawn by a four-year...
The Kids in Oklahoma Tallahassee: Hey Jeffrey when you were a kid in Oklahoma did you have Summer Camp or did y'all just go to work out in the fields? / Jeffrey: We had Church Camp and 4-H Camp. / Weedmaster P: WHICH IS THE ONE WHERE YOU STICK YOUR WHOLE ARM INSIDE OF A COW / Tallahassee: HA Ha h! Good one, Weedmaster P!...
It's This or Heroin [[Jeffrey at drawing board]] / Topato: Jeffrey Rowland, why are you resuming production of "Wigu Tinkle" comics? Is the generous stipend you earn for managing my Topatoco empire somehow inadeqate? / Jeffrey: It ain't a hundred percent about money, Topato (only like twenty). / Topato: Then what is your...
Paperklip Jeffrey: Hey Paperklip! Tallahassee and me was just talkin' about what we used to do at summer camp and how it was really just a way to trick us into becoming farmers or something. / Jeffrey: What was summer camp like where you growed up at? / Paperklip: It was different. / [[THERE'S ONLY ONE PLACE...
Expensive Tastes [[Jeffery, wearing a monocle and a rich man's robe, pulls out a very large diamond, AND PROCEEDS TO SMOKE IT]]
 
The Day After Memorial Day [[Jeffrey is standing behind a podium addressing Baby, Tallahassee, and Weedmaster P.]] / Jeffrey: "Good morning, team. First I want to say thanks for not bitching about working yesterday, which was Memorial Day." / Tallahassee: "We didn't know it was Memorial Day!" / Baby: "What gives?!" / Weedmaster P.:...
An Open Letter to Alex Jones [[Jeffrey and Weedmaster P are walking through an amusement park.]] / Jeffrey: You know what's wrong with America, Weedmaster P? The Government. / Weedmaster P: MAN YOU GOT THAT RIGHT / [[Alex Jones appears with a bullhorn]] / Alex Jones: Police are gonna take your blood for goin' two miles an hour...
Army of Dorkness Jeffrey: Tallahassee I got a confession... / Tallahassee: What's that, Jeffrey? / Jeffrey: I ain't never seen the "Evil Dead" movies. / Tallahassee: WHAT?! I mean... oh. I... I just have to go to the bathroom... / Narrator: MOMENTS LATER / <> / Man in black shirt: There he is. / Man in red shirt:...
America's Most Degenerate Junkie [[Jeffrey in smart lavender trousers and yellow tie, holding videocamera, and Tallahassee]] / Jeffrey: Excuse me Tallahassee I got to go tape my new TV show "America's Most Degenerate Bottom-Feeding Junkie." / Tallahassee: I didn't know degenerative...ness... was a quantifiable thing! / [[Junkie 1 with...
Metaphorical Genitals [[Jeffrey is lying in the fetal position in the middle of a street. Baby is sitting near him on a chair reading a book.]] / Jeffrey: Let me get this straight... testicles are supposed to be the symbols of strength an' courage yet they are actually weak and sensitive and if flicked with a rubber band will...
 
Donuts for Algernon [[Jeffrey Rowland and Alex Jones sit on the ground in front of a courthouse]] / Jeffrey Rowland: I appreciate what you're doin' Alex Jones but you got to tone down the crazy a little if you want sheeple to take you more serious. / Alex Jones: But who's gonna stop the pedophile guilds from payin' hospitals...
Regretrol [[Jeffrey is working on a laptop at a desk in the middle of a parking lot in front of what appears to be a NOAA building]] / Voiceover: Do you miss that hollow sense of paranoid regret you used to get after a three-day drinking binge? / Jeffrey: I sure do, mysterious, soothing, disembodied voice! I just...
MoCCA 2008 [[Jeffrey and Tallahassee standing over Weedmaster P, seated]] / Jeffrey: Weedmaster P, we're leaving for MoCCA now. While we're gone I need you to steal someone's disability check, cash it, buy a bunch of drugs, take all the drugs and then call a bunch of radio talk shows and scream obscene racial slurs. / Weedmaster...
MoCCA 2008: Backdraft {{Overcompensating}} / {{Title: MoCCA 2008: Backdraft}} / {{June 09, 2008}} / [[table at MoCCA; JJR sits between Mr Rosenberg and an unidentified, scraggly male. Background is cinder-block wall and a poster for Questionable Content, featuring Faye]] / <http://overcompensating.com/posts/20080609.html
Metro North INTERCOM:It's gonna be a packed train goin about ten miles an hour all the way to new haven so make room for other passengers / JR:Oh God / {{slow turn}} / JR: Oh God Oh God / JR:Keep walking keep walking / JR:Keep Oh God I can smell you from here / JR:You seem okay guy you won't bluetoof or speak...
 
Roll Into the Future [[Jeffrey is sitting at his computer]] / <> / [[Jeffrey gets out his phone]] / [[Jeffrey is talking on the phone]] / Jeffrey: Hello, Miami Rick's Cry-o-Freez? Hey, can you freeze my body until after everybody has cut out all that rickroll bullshit for a solid six months? / Jeffrey:...
President Obama {{President Obama}} / Jeffrey: Thank you for coming to this job interview, gentlemen. / [[John McCain and Barack Obama smile.]] / Jeffrey: Before we begin the interview, I assume both of you at least know how to use a computer. Heh / [[McCain frowns, Obama waves.]] / Jeffrey: This interview is over. / {{Don't...
Ms. Beelze If You're Nasty [[Pearly Gates Trailer Park]] / Ha Ha hoo / I love it / / YHWH: You know the trickiest part was making them smart enough to be afraid of death but not smart enough to know why they're alive! / Satan: Ha haw haw! That's my favorite thing ever! / Jeffery: Assholes! / {{Title Text: It's like a Good Cop...
Dying is Scary [[Weedmaster P. is standing, arms raised, while Jeffrey is sitting in the fetal position on the floor]] / Weedmaster P.: HEY HORSE BUTT ARE YOU SCARED TO DIE / Jeffrey: No. I'm just afraid of suddenly getting hurt or terrified, like in a car crash or a bear attack, being totally out of control. Also really...
Prairie Dogs {{Prairie dogs}} / [[Jeff is sitting on a sofa in an empty auditorium. His shirt says 'crud'. Baby, wearing glasses, is behind him to the left.]] / Baby: Jeffrey there's all these holes in th' back yard like I reckon we got a infestation of groundhogs or beavers or somethin'. / Jeffrey: Or...PRAIRIE DOGS!! / [[Outside,...
 

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