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|The Eighth Wonder Part II||Jeffrey: Come on, Baby! Weedmaster P's interview is about to come on! / Baby: Wee! I'm so excited! / [[LATE NIGHT WITH RETARDED COUSIN]] / Retarded Cousin: Weedmaster P. The Eighth Stage. How you dided it? / Weedmaster P: MAN YOU DO YOUR THING AND THAT IS STAGE ONE BUT YOU JUST KEEP ON GOING INTO THE DARKNESS / Retarded...|
|Hail to the Beef||George W Bush: YEE HAW! I DID IT!! I'M THE KING OF EARTH! / Jeffrey: My liege! / George W Bush: There ain't nothin y'all can do about it, either. Whattya gonna do, have a protest? Ha ha. You better shape up, boy. / George W Bush: I can't believe y'all was dumb enough to believe I thought "strategerize"...|
|INTERVENTION TIME||Baby: Hey, where's Weedmaster P been for a completely indeterminable length of time? / Jeffrey: Ever since he attained the ability to time-travel he's changed. / Jeffrey: There he is! Hey, where've you been, Weedy? / Weedmaster P: YOU KNOW KICKIN IT WIT HOMIEZ COLD SHOOTIN SOME HOOPS / Jeffrey: My guess...|
|In The Beginning||Jeffrey: Weedmaster P, have you been going back in time and altering history? / Weedmaster P: MAYBE BUT IT DON'T MATTER ANYWAYS / Weedmaster P: FUTURE AND HISTORY IS ALL THE SAME THING DON'T NONE OF IT MAKE SENSE IF I SHANK YOU FOR ACTIN' A BITCH IT CHANGES HISTORY / Eve: Adam. / Weedmaster P: EAT IT...|
|The Great Experiment||Caption: 2 January, 2006 - 1:01PM / Baby: You can't get drunk in less than half an hour for under ten dollars. / Jeffrey: Watch me. / / Caption: One episode of "Arrested Development" later . . . / Jeffrey: There. Drunker'n twelve Indians on food stamp day. / Baby: Hey, don't you need to do a comic n...|
|He Did It||[[Weedmaster P is playing Katamari Damacy]] / Weedmaster P: DUDE LOOK / Jeffrey: Oh my God. You're rolling up the King of All Cosmos! / [[Weedmaster P holds giant marijuana cigarette over his head like Zelda]]|
|Not That There's Anything Wrong With It||Reporter: Jeffrey Rowland. Are your or are you not a furry? / Jeffrey: No! Stop asking me that! / Topato: Time for a press conference. / [[Jeffrey standing at a podium flanked by Baby and a furry]] / Jeffrey: My name is Jeffrey Rowland and I am not a furry. / Jeffrey: Although I did used to have a Cheetara...|
|Like a Virgin||Topato: Jeffrey! I demand to know why you are not relating my adventures to the public via daily updates on your inter net site! / Jeffrey: Because you say too many words, Topato. / Jeffrey: I can't make a comic every day that's big enough to fit all your words in. Plus I got to find a way to make some...|
|Birthday Song||Poopmonster: I'm gettin' old, Jeffrey. This ol' Poopmonster's Earthly lease is gonna run out sooner than later. / Jeffrey: Don't be sad, Poopmonster! I have a birthday song just for you! / Jeffrey: [[sings]] Well this is one less birthday you'll have to endure/before the doctor tells you there isn't...|
|Dragons||Weedmaster P: MAN WHAT IF THE DRAGONS ARE REAL BUT THEY ARE JUST INVISIBLE TO FOLKS THAT AIN'T EXTREMELY HIGH / Jeffrey: Only one way to find out. / [[Weedmaster P and Jeffery draw weapons]] / Jeffrey: Let's furiously attack nothing in particular. / Narrator: Eventually... / [[A dragon stands over a dead...|
|Val Pak||Jeffrey: Kick ass! The new Val-Pak coupons are out! / [[on coupon]]IT'S TIME TO STOP LIVING A LIE. A recent study proves that 99% of Americans do not have nipples that are perfectly symmetrical. Our trained experts can fix your ridiculous, cockeyed nipples without lasers or pain. You've messed with...|
|That's What It's All About||Weedmaster P: MAN WHAT THE HELL IS IT ALL ABOUT / Jeffrey: Duh! Weren't you paying attention? It's all about the Hokey Pokey! / [[THE COSMOS... God, Buddha, and some other deity look aghast]] / Jeffrey: Just kidding. It's all just meaningless, random chaos. / [[Buddha wipes forehead]] / Buddha: Whew! / God:...|
|Public Relations||[[PUBLIC RELATIONS IN HISTORY... A LONG TIME AGO]] / PR Woman: [[to Darth Vader and Emperor Palpatine]] Are you gonna let those rebel scumbags say they won? No. Rebuild it. Rebuild the Death Star. / [] / PR Man: [[to Hitler]] / Boy... I don't know if I can put a good spin on this one. / [] / PR...|
|I Know You||BABY: Why don't you just pay the fine, Jeffrey? / JEFFREY: Because I don't think it should be illegal ... hey, what's that? / BABY: It looks like the Bear Suit that guy wears in "Diesel Sweeties." / JEFFREY: It does! And "Diesel Sweeties" is the comic the Poopmonster does. / BABY: So that means...|
|OVERCOMPENSATING: The True Story of a Boy With Poor Impulse Control||[[Jeffrey is dressed like a detective, and holding a furry mask as he smokes a cigarette]] / Jeffrey: Gentlemen, we are gathered here to find out who is secretly a furry. / [[Jeph Jacques, a homeless guy and The Poopmonster are standing next to Jeffrey as he speaks]] / Jeffrey: After interviewing every...|
|The Joseph McCarthy of Furries||[[Jeffrey Rowland is in the suit with a detective badge around his neck, holding a furry customer head.]] / Jeffrey Rowland: Gentleman, we are gathered here to find out who is secretly a furry. / Jeffrey Rowland: After interviewing every single person in town, I've narrowed it down to you three: The...|
|Straight Outta Saudi||Jeffrey: Man, America is so crazy Osama bin Laden is asking US to chill out! High five! / Weedmaster P: YOU POOR SUCKER OSAMA BIN LADEN DIED IN 2002 / Poopmonster: You jackasses! There's infinite instances of bin Laden time-travelling from the 22nd century. / Weedmaster P: THAT'S A COVER STORY COCKASS...|
|You Better Axe Somebody||[[Title declares: THE AXE EFFECT. Jeffrey is holding a large case of Axe.]] / [[A pretty woman smiles at Jeffrey, who is emanating Axe odors.]] / [[LATER: Jeffrey is throwing the pretty woman off of a bridge.]] / [[The pretty woman is floating face down in the river.]] / [[Title declares: AXE SHE...|
|My Autobiography||Weedmaster P: WHAT ARE YOU WRITING IS IT A SUICIDE NOTE / Jeffrey: No! I decided to start working on an autobiography! / [[Jeffrey holds up a book titled: A SERIES OF INCREASINGLY FREQUENT AND ELABORATE DEATH FANTASIES My Terrifyingly Futile Existence by Jeffrey Rownland]] / [[Weedmaster P reaches...|
|Enemy of the Hate||Jeffrey: All right guys, let's share our ideas about new t-shirt designs. / Baby: There's so many problems in the world! All I can think about are all the problems! / Weedmaster P: WELL THEN I HAVE THE PERFECT DESIGN FOR YOU / [[Weedmaster P displays an emblem of a shotgun behind a globe with America...|
|Obsession||[[Jeffrey is drunk and has his arm wrapped around Parker Posey]] / Jeffrey: You're right, Parker Posey. It's time to go to bed. / [[Jeffrey caresses a picture of Parker Posey]] / Jeffrey: Good night my sweet darling. I hope you do good in the Superman movie. / [[MEANWHILE...]] / Parker Posey: I feel like...|
|OVERCOMPENSATING: The Bestest||Jeff: Hey, The Poopmonster! Why so glum? / The Poopmonster: ...no reason. / Weedmaster P: KNOCK KNOCK|
|MyDeath||Weedmaster P: ...THE DUDE WILL CREEP UP BEHIND ME NOT MAKING A SOUND HE WILL PULL THE TRIGGER UNTIL IT GOES CLICK / Jeff: That's how you want to die? / Weedmaster P: YES / Jeff: Wanna hear mine? / Weedmaster P: YES / Jeff: It is autumn in the distant future. Somehow I know this is the day I am going to...|
|Cake or Death||Jeff: It's almost Groundhog's Day, Weedmaster P! We're so unprepared! / Weedmaster P: LET'S GET PELLET GUNS AND GO TO THE SALVAGE YARD / Waitress: What can I get you boys? / Jeff: Um... can I get like a cake made out of biscuits and gravy? Like the cake part is the biscuit and the frosting is the gravy....|
|The Groundhog's Day Revolution||Baby: Groundhog's day, Mother bitchez!! / Jeff: Woo!! / Weedmaster P: STORM THE BASTILLE / Jeff: The Poopmonster! Why aren't you participating in our Groundhog's Day Revolution? / The Poopmonster: I don't want to get executed for treason. / Jeff: We figure we'll either win or get shot on sight. / Baby:...|
|Single White Male Seeks Seven-Headed Beast||Jeff: Hmm... they say the AntiChrist is alive somewhere on Earth right now... / Jeff: Okay, which one of you jackasses is the AntiChrist? / The Poopmonster: They rejected my application. / Weedmaster P: DICK OFF, ASSFART / Jeff: No way the AntiChrist is a girl... / I must unmask the AntiChrist. / Jeff:...|
|A Lot||[[Jeffery is crying]] / Jeffrey: "A LOT" IS TWO WORDS!! / Jeffrey: Fetch me my giant laser. / [[The moon, inscribed with "A LOT IS TWO WORDS"]] / [[A tombstone inscribed with "Here Lies Jeffrey A LOT IS TWO WORDS"]]|
|What It Is||Jeff: What's it all about, Weedmaster P? What does it all mean? / Weedmaster P: MAN YOU'RE LIKE THE TENTH PERSON TO ASK ME THAT TODAY / Weedmaster P: WELL IT AIN'T GOT NOTHIN' TO DO WITH YOU AND YOU'LL NEVER UNDERSTAND IT ANYWAY DEATH IS LIFE'S NTURAL STATE YOU WAS DEAD FOR INFINITY YEARS BEFORE...|
|Valentine's Melee||[[Jeffrey asleep in bed]]
/ Jeffrey: Ennnngh...
/ Jeffrey: ...shittin...
/ Jeffrey: ...Dagobah system...
|We Must Destroy Valentine's Day||Baby: You're telling me the God of the Internet came to you in a dream and told you to destroy Valentine's Day? / Jeff: Yes, 'cause people who are in love have no reasons to use the Internet. / Baby: How do you destroy a holiday? And why are Gods all so needy? / Jeff: Weedmaster P! Will you help me destroy...|
|Hate Will Bring Us Together||Jeff: Man, how are we gonna destroy Valentime's Day? It seems like an awfully hard thing to do. / Weedmaster P: MAYBE YOU COULD ISSUE ONE OF THEM FATWAS / Jeff: You stupid assballs! You gotta be a Morman to issue a Fatwa! / Weedmaster P: I'M GONNA RIP OFF YOUR TONGUE AND USE IT INSTEAD OF TOILET PAPER / Cupid:...|
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