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The Eighth Wonder Part II Jeffrey: Come on, Baby! Weedmaster P's interview is about to come on! / Baby: Wee! I'm so excited! / [[LATE NIGHT WITH RETARDED COUSIN]] / Retarded Cousin: Weedmaster P. The Eighth Stage. How you dided it? / Weedmaster P: MAN YOU DO YOUR THING AND THAT IS STAGE ONE BUT YOU JUST KEEP ON GOING INTO THE DARKNESS / Retarded...
Hail to the Beef George W Bush: YEE HAW! I DID IT!! I'M THE KING OF EARTH! / Jeffrey: My liege! / George W Bush: There ain't nothin y'all can do about it, either. Whattya gonna do, have a protest? Ha ha. You better shape up, boy. / George W Bush: I can't believe y'all was dumb enough to believe I thought "strategerize"...
INTERVENTION TIME Baby: Hey, where's Weedmaster P been for a completely indeterminable length of time? / Jeffrey: Ever since he attained the ability to time-travel he's changed. / Jeffrey: There he is! Hey, where've you been, Weedy? / Weedmaster P: YOU KNOW KICKIN IT WIT HOMIEZ COLD SHOOTIN SOME HOOPS / Jeffrey: My guess...
In The Beginning Jeffrey: Weedmaster P, have you been going back in time and altering history? / Weedmaster P: MAYBE BUT IT DON'T MATTER ANYWAYS / Weedmaster P: FUTURE AND HISTORY IS ALL THE SAME THING DON'T NONE OF IT MAKE SENSE IF I SHANK YOU FOR ACTIN' A BITCH IT CHANGES HISTORY / Eve: Adam. / Weedmaster P: EAT IT...
The Great Experiment Caption: 2 January, 2006 - 1:01PM / Baby: You can't get drunk in less than half an hour for under ten dollars. / Jeffrey: Watch me. / / Caption: One episode of "Arrested Development" later . . . / Jeffrey: There. Drunker'n twelve Indians on food stamp day. / Baby: Hey, don't you need to do a comic n...
 
He Did It [[Weedmaster P is playing Katamari Damacy]] / Weedmaster P: DUDE LOOK / Jeffrey: Oh my God. You're rolling up the King of All Cosmos! / [[Weedmaster P holds giant marijuana cigarette over his head like Zelda]]
Not That There's Anything Wrong With It Reporter: Jeffrey Rowland. Are your or are you not a furry? / Jeffrey: No! Stop asking me that! / Topato: Time for a press conference. / [[Jeffrey standing at a podium flanked by Baby and a furry]] / Jeffrey: My name is Jeffrey Rowland and I am not a furry. / Jeffrey: Although I did used to have a Cheetara...
Like a Virgin Topato: Jeffrey! I demand to know why you are not relating my adventures to the public via daily updates on your inter net site! / Jeffrey: Because you say too many words, Topato. / Jeffrey: I can't make a comic every day that's big enough to fit all your words in. Plus I got to find a way to make some...
Birthday Song Poopmonster: I'm gettin' old, Jeffrey. This ol' Poopmonster's Earthly lease is gonna run out sooner than later. / Jeffrey: Don't be sad, Poopmonster! I have a birthday song just for you! / Jeffrey: [[sings]] Well this is one less birthday you'll have to endure/before the doctor tells you there isn't...
Dragons Weedmaster P: MAN WHAT IF THE DRAGONS ARE REAL BUT THEY ARE JUST INVISIBLE TO FOLKS THAT AIN'T EXTREMELY HIGH / Jeffrey: Only one way to find out. / [[Weedmaster P and Jeffery draw weapons]] / Jeffrey: Let's furiously attack nothing in particular. / Narrator: Eventually... / [[A dragon stands over a dead...
 
Val Pak Jeffrey: Kick ass! The new Val-Pak coupons are out! / [[on coupon]]IT'S TIME TO STOP LIVING A LIE. A recent study proves that 99% of Americans do not have nipples that are perfectly symmetrical. Our trained experts can fix your ridiculous, cockeyed nipples without lasers or pain. You've messed with...
That's What It's All About Weedmaster P: MAN WHAT THE HELL IS IT ALL ABOUT / Jeffrey: Duh! Weren't you paying attention? It's all about the Hokey Pokey! / [[THE COSMOS... God, Buddha, and some other deity look aghast]] / Jeffrey: Just kidding. It's all just meaningless, random chaos. / [[Buddha wipes forehead]] / Buddha: Whew! / God:...
Public Relations [[PUBLIC RELATIONS IN HISTORY... A LONG TIME AGO]] / PR Woman: [[to Darth Vader and Emperor Palpatine]] Are you gonna let those rebel scumbags say they won? No. Rebuild it. Rebuild the Death Star. / [[1945]] / PR Man: [[to Hitler]] / Boy... I don't know if I can put a good spin on this one. / [[2005]] / PR...
I Know You BABY: Why don't you just pay the fine, Jeffrey? / JEFFREY: Because I don't think it should be illegal ... hey, what's that? / BABY: It looks like the Bear Suit that guy wears in "Diesel Sweeties." / JEFFREY: It does! And "Diesel Sweeties" is the comic the Poopmonster does. / BABY: So that means...
OVERCOMPENSATING: The True Story of a Boy With Poor Impulse Control [[Jeffrey is dressed like a detective, and holding a furry mask as he smokes a cigarette]] / Jeffrey: Gentlemen, we are gathered here to find out who is secretly a furry. / [[Jeph Jacques, a homeless guy and The Poopmonster are standing next to Jeffrey as he speaks]] / Jeffrey: After interviewing every...
The Joseph McCarthy of Furries [[Jeffrey Rowland is in the suit with a detective badge around his neck, holding a furry customer head.]] / Jeffrey Rowland: Gentleman, we are gathered here to find out who is secretly a furry. / Jeffrey Rowland: After interviewing every single person in town, I've narrowed it down to you three: The...
 
Straight Outta Saudi Jeffrey: Man, America is so crazy Osama bin Laden is asking US to chill out! High five! / Weedmaster P: YOU POOR SUCKER OSAMA BIN LADEN DIED IN 2002 / Poopmonster: You jackasses! There's infinite instances of bin Laden time-travelling from the 22nd century. / Weedmaster P: THAT'S A COVER STORY COCKASS...
You Better Axe Somebody [[Title declares: THE AXE EFFECT. Jeffrey is holding a large case of Axe.]] / [[A pretty woman smiles at Jeffrey, who is emanating Axe odors.]] / [[LATER: Jeffrey is throwing the pretty woman off of a bridge.]] / [[The pretty woman is floating face down in the river.]] / [[Title declares: AXE SHE...
My Autobiography Weedmaster P: WHAT ARE YOU WRITING IS IT A SUICIDE NOTE / Jeffrey: No! I decided to start working on an autobiography! / [[Jeffrey holds up a book titled: A SERIES OF INCREASINGLY FREQUENT AND ELABORATE DEATH FANTASIES My Terrifyingly Futile Existence by Jeffrey Rownland]] / [[Weedmaster P reaches...
Enemy of the Hate Jeffrey: All right guys, let's share our ideas about new t-shirt designs. / Baby: There's so many problems in the world! All I can think about are all the problems! / Weedmaster P: WELL THEN I HAVE THE PERFECT DESIGN FOR YOU / [[Weedmaster P displays an emblem of a shotgun behind a globe with America...
Obsession [[Jeffrey is drunk and has his arm wrapped around Parker Posey]] / Jeffrey: You're right, Parker Posey. It's time to go to bed. / [[Jeffrey caresses a picture of Parker Posey]] / Jeffrey: Good night my sweet darling. I hope you do good in the Superman movie. / [[MEANWHILE...]] / Parker Posey: I feel like...
 
OVERCOMPENSATING: The Bestest Jeff: Hey, The Poopmonster! Why so glum? / The Poopmonster: ...no reason. / Weedmaster P: KNOCK KNOCK
MyDeath Weedmaster P: ...THE DUDE WILL CREEP UP BEHIND ME NOT MAKING A SOUND HE WILL PULL THE TRIGGER UNTIL IT GOES CLICK / Jeff: That's how you want to die? / Weedmaster P: YES / Jeff: Wanna hear mine? / Weedmaster P: YES / Jeff: It is autumn in the distant future. Somehow I know this is the day I am going to...
Cake or Death Jeff: It's almost Groundhog's Day, Weedmaster P! We're so unprepared! / Weedmaster P: LET'S GET PELLET GUNS AND GO TO THE SALVAGE YARD / Waitress: What can I get you boys? / Jeff: Um... can I get like a cake made out of biscuits and gravy? Like the cake part is the biscuit and the frosting is the gravy....
The Groundhog's Day Revolution Baby: Groundhog's day, Mother bitchez!! / Jeff: Woo!! / Weedmaster P: STORM THE BASTILLE / Jeff: The Poopmonster! Why aren't you participating in our Groundhog's Day Revolution? / The Poopmonster: I don't want to get executed for treason. / Jeff: We figure we'll either win or get shot on sight. / Baby:...
Single White Male Seeks Seven-Headed Beast Jeff: Hmm... they say the AntiChrist is alive somewhere on Earth right now... / Jeff: Okay, which one of you jackasses is the AntiChrist? / The Poopmonster: They rejected my application. / Weedmaster P: DICK OFF, ASSFART / Jeff: No way the AntiChrist is a girl... / I must unmask the AntiChrist. / Jeff:...
 
A Lot [[Jeffery is crying]] / Jeffrey: "A LOT" IS TWO WORDS!! / Jeffrey: Fetch me my giant laser. / [[The moon, inscribed with "A LOT IS TWO WORDS"]] / [[A tombstone inscribed with "Here Lies Jeffrey A LOT IS TWO WORDS"]]
What It Is Jeff: What's it all about, Weedmaster P? What does it all mean? / Weedmaster P: MAN YOU'RE LIKE THE TENTH PERSON TO ASK ME THAT TODAY / Weedmaster P: WELL IT AIN'T GOT NOTHIN' TO DO WITH YOU AND YOU'LL NEVER UNDERSTAND IT ANYWAY DEATH IS LIFE'S NTURAL STATE YOU WAS DEAD FOR INFINITY YEARS BEFORE...
Valentine's Melee [[Jeffrey asleep in bed]] / Jeffrey: Ennnngh... / Jeffrey: ...shittin... / Jeffrey: ...Dagobah system... / <> / [[Jeffrey is naked in cyberspace, standing in front of the God of Internets]] / God of Internets: J3FFR34 17 15 1, T3H G0D 0F 1NT4RN3T5- / Jeffrey: I know! What do you want?! / [[Jeffrey...
We Must Destroy Valentine's Day Baby: You're telling me the God of the Internet came to you in a dream and told you to destroy Valentine's Day? / Jeff: Yes, 'cause people who are in love have no reasons to use the Internet. / Baby: How do you destroy a holiday? And why are Gods all so needy? / Jeff: Weedmaster P! Will you help me destroy...
Hate Will Bring Us Together Jeff: Man, how are we gonna destroy Valentime's Day? It seems like an awfully hard thing to do. / Weedmaster P: MAYBE YOU COULD ISSUE ONE OF THEM FATWAS / Jeff: You stupid assballs! You gotta be a Morman to issue a Fatwa! / Weedmaster P: I'M GONNA RIP OFF YOUR TONGUE AND USE IT INSTEAD OF TOILET PAPER / Cupid:...
 

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