You're browsing the archives of Unshelved.
You can search these comics too.
show: [ full transcriptions | abridged transcriptions | just the first line ]
| Thursday, October 18, 2007 | [[Dewey approaches a patron with a cell phone.]]
/ Dewey: The library is not a phone booth. / Patron: I have a phone.
/ Dewey: You're only halfway there. / Patron: I see graffiti. And it smells bad.
/ Dewey: Okay, you're 3/4 of the way there.
/ But you still need to take your call outside. http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20071018 |
| Friday, October 19, 2007 | [[Dewey stands with his arms crossed talking to a young man with a goatee who is holding a cell phone.]]
/ Dewey: The library is not a phone booth.
/ Cell Phone man: What's a "phone booth"? / Dewey: You know. With a payphone.
/ Cell Phone man: What's a "payphone"? / Dewey: Look, no phone calls in here, okay?
/ Cell Phone man: Why didn't you say so in the first place? http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20071019 |
| Saturday, October 20, 2007 | Library Tip #39: The library provides materials in a variety of formats. / Patron: I'd like both the hardcover and paperback editions. Large print and regular. / Patron: I also want the audiobook on tape and CD. / Patron: I'm going to download the MP3 and eBook from your website. / Dewey: Anything else?
/ Patron: Do you have it on microfilm? http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20071020 |
| Sunday, October 21, 2007 | The Unshelved Book Club presents Soon I Will be Invincible by Austin Grossman / Dewey [[To Merv]]: I'm going to tell you about a superhero story.
/ But it isn't a comic book.
/ *Doctor Impossible*, the smartest man in the world, has excaped from prison for the twelfth time.
/ And this time he's going to rule the world.
/ Or maybe destroy it.
/ Doctor Impossible: "In street clothes I'd just be a criminal.
/ Which I am, of course, but in the costume I'm something more.
/ I wear the flag of a country that never existed and the unform of its glorius army, spreading forth the dominion of its invincible empire of me, Doctor Impossible." / Dewey: *Fatale*, technologically enhance warrior woman, has joined *The Champions*.
/ She's not sure she belongs alongside the superhero elite, and neither are they.
/ Fatale: "It's hard to make it on your own as a cyborg, we have serious overhead, maintenance and supply issies I'd rather not explain." / Dewey: *CoreFire*, former Champion, Doctor Impossible's nemesis, and the most powerful man on the plant is missing.
/ The Champions have to find out what happened to him and ferret out Doctor Impossible's latest evil scheme.
/ But how can Fatale help save the world when she doesn't even know her own secret origin? / Merv: Superheroes? Supervillains? How is this *not* a comic book?
/ Dewey: No pictures, no word baloons. / Merv: You lost me.
/ Dewey: Read it anyway. And together we shall rule the world! *HAHAHA!* http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20071021 |
| Monday, October 22, 2007 | Library Patron [[pointing off screen]] : What's that?
/ Dewey: Our self-service kiosk / Library Patron: I don't understand
/ Dewey: Then clearly you need some help! / Library Patron [[leaving]]: I didn't come here to be insulted
/ Dewey: No you literally need help. Assistance. It's my job! Come back! http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20071022 |
| Tuesday, October 23, 2007 | [[Dewey demonstrates the self-service kiosk.]]
/ Dewey: I will now demonstrate the self-service kiosk. [[Holding library card.]] First scan your library card. [[Entering number on keypad.]] Then enter your secret number. / Dewey: [[Holding book under scanner.]] Now scan the barcode on the front of the book. < http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20071023 |
| Wednesday, October 24, 2007 | Dewey: It's just a self-service kiosk. It's not rocket science.
/ Patron: I can tell it's not rocket science. There aren't any rockets. / Dewey: I don't think you need rockets to do rocket science. It's mostly theoretical.
/ Patron: Without rockets it's just science. / Dewey: I worry that we've gotten off-topic.
/ Patron: The topic was how incompetent I am, so I'm happy to be off it. http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20071024 |
| Thursday, October 25, 2007 | Patron: Is it still self-service if you help?
/ Dewey: According to management, yes.
/ < http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20071025 |
| Friday, October 26, 2007 | Self Checkout Machine : < http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20071026 |
| Saturday, October 27, 2007 | [[Merv asks Dewey for help at the information desk.]]
/ Merv: Will you help me with my paper?
/ Dewey: What's the problem? / Merv: My teacher doesn't like the citations.
/ Dewey: [[Reading from Merv's paper...]] "Google... Google... Google..." / Dewey: Google isn't a source. It's like a librarian -- we point you at sources. But we don't answer your questions.
/ Merv: You sure don't. http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20071027 |
| Sunday, October 28, 2007 | The Unshelved Book Club presents "BAD MONKEYS" by Matt Ruff / [[A blond woman is hiding in the back seat of a car driven by a scruffy man]] / Dewey: Jane Charlotte is in jail, having a psych evaluation. She murdered someone, but she's got a really good excuse. Unfortunately for her, it's completely unbelievable. She claims to work for a secret organization that fights evil. She's part of the Department for the Final Disposition of Irredeemable Persons (nicknamed "Bad Monkeys"). It all started - maybe - when she was a teenager trying to score some dope. She ended up in the middle of a Bad Monkeys operation against a serial killer dubbed "The Angel of Death." The organization took notice. Or did they? Is Jane crazy, or is this all real? / [[A bearded man with a colander on his head and a kingly robe stands before Dewey]]
/ Man: It's real. They've been watching me.
/ Dewey: Why?
/ Man: They want to suppress all evidence of my award-winning sardine tofu parfait.
/ Dewey: I think I'm with them. http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20071028 |
| Monday, October 29, 2007 | [[A patron tries to convince Dewey that she returned a book.]]
/ Patron: I brought that book back.
/ Dewey: Our records show you didn't. / Patron: I brought that book back.
/ Dewey: Sorry, it's not on the shelf. / Patron: I brought that book back.
/ Dewey: You seem to be stuck in some sort of loop. http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20071029 |
| Tuesday, October 30, 2007 | Computer Victim: Your computers don't work. Your computers don't work. Your computers don't work.
/ Dewey: Sir, they're working just fine. / Computer Victim: Your computers don't work.
/ Dewey: Follow me. / Dewey: There's someone ahead of you.
/ [[In an enclosure together...]]
/ Woman: I brought that book back
/ Computer Victim: Your computers don't work. http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20071030 |
| Wednesday, October 31, 2007 | [[Various people are penned in, all repeating the same thing over and over again. Only a few of the repeated phrases are actually visible. Those that are, from left to right, read as follows: "My seat is sticky!" "This printout's ruined!" "I brought that book back." "Your computers don't work." Mel is talking to Dewey about his method of handling the disturbance.]]
/ Mel: Why are you making these people repeat their problems?
/ Dewey: On the contrary, I couldn't stop them. Fortunately they seem to enjoy one another's company. http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20071031 |
| Thursday, November 01, 2007 | Dewey: Anyway, this system will-
/ Mel: You're violating staff guidelines! / Dewey: I know. But I think you'll agree that-
/ Mel: You're violating staff guidelines! / [[Dewey has put Mel in the "people who can't stop repeating themselves" pen]]
/ Mel: You're violating staff guidelines!
/ Patron: Your computers don't work.
/ Patron: I brought that book back. http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20071101 |
| Friday, November 02, 2007 | Patron [[fists clenched, ranting]]: I am *not* leaving this establishment until *someone* explains how *you* decided to *revoke* my civil *rights*.
/ Dewey[[off panel]]: Oh thank goodness. / Dewey: It's been such a trying day. I'm so glad you came in.
/ Patron[[calm now]]: This isn't the reaction I normally get. / Dewey[[holding patron's hand]]: Everyone has been borderline crazy today, but nothing brings clarity like a full-blown whacko.
/ Patron [[trying to get away]]: I'll come back when you're not so busy. http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20071102 |
| Saturday, November 03, 2007 | [[Tamara and Dewey are talking]]
/ Tamara: That's not cheese.
/ Dewey: Nope, it's delicious "Cheez'N'Krakkers(R)" / Tamara: That's not a word.
/ Dewey: It's better than a word. It's a BRAND. / Tamara: And that's not a utensil.
/ Dewey: How else am I supposed to enjoy all the nameless non-cheesey goodness? http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20071103 |
| Sunday, November 04, 2007 | The Unshelved Book Club presents "WILL THE VAMPIRE PEOPLE PLEASE LEAVE THE LOBBY" by Allyson Beatrice / [[A blond Slayer is fighting a vampire while a woman is typing on her computer]] / Dewey: Allyson Beatrice had just moved to L.A. She had no friends, no job, and no life. Then she started hanging out on a message board for BUFFY THE VAMPIRE SLAYER. She discovered it wasn't just a gathering of enthusiasts with a common interest. It was an immersive, layered, richly textured community of fans, some of whom were so batpoop crazy that she was afraid to leave them alone with Joss Whedon's cat. Soon she was putting on fan events and conducting celebrity charity auctions. She became friends with the writers of BUFFY, and placed "Save FIREFLY" ads in Variety. She was a bridesmaid in a fan wedding. Her online friends had become her offline friends, her hobby had become her career. BUFFY saved her life. / Cathy: That sounds a lot like you.
/ Dewey: Heck no, I'm no fanboy!
/ Cathy: Didn't I hear that Joss Whedon has a new TV show coming out!
/ Dewey: Yes! I was just reading about it on Whedonesque, Buffistas, and DollVerse. http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20071104 |
| Monday, November 05, 2007 | [[Dewey approach a couple kissing in the stacks]]
/ Dewey: Ahem! / [[Couple ignores Dewey]]
/ Dewey: We don't allow tongue wrestling in the library! / [[Dewey is still ignored]]
/ Dewey: We also require that you listen to the angry librarian! http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20071105 |
| Tuesday, November 06, 2007 | [[In the library. Mel is talking to a discouraged Dewey.]]
/ Mel: They didn't listen to you?
/ Dewey: I've lost my touch. / Mel: You've got to summon your tiger librarian.
/ Mel: Find your command voice. / Mel: Get them to -- Is that a two-by-four?
/ Dewey: [[walking away]] I'm going with plan "B." http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20071106 |
| Wednesday, November 07, 2007 | Dewey: NO SLEEPING IN THE LIBRARY!
/ [[Dewey breaks a piece of lumber over Lambert's head while a shocked couple looks on]] < http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20071107 |
| Thursday, November 08, 2007 | Mel: Your antics have cast the spectre of violence over our library!
/ Dewey: You can't argue with results. / [[Mel and Dewey stop in front of two children.]]
/ Dewey [[leaning forward, holding a plank of wood]]: What's going on here?
/ Child 1 [[holding a paper airplane]]: Nothing, sir!
/ Child 2 [[holding out his hands, palms open]]: Beware the lumber librarian! / [[Mel and Dewey, alone again]]
/ Mel: I see you're enjoying this.
/ Dewey [[still holding the plank]]: It's going to make for some very effective booktalks at school. http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20071108 |
| Friday, November 09, 2007 | [[Dewey is speaking to an audience]]
/ Dewey: ... and THAT'S why I think you'd enjoy this book. / Dewey: You ARE going to read it, right?
/ Audience: Yes sir!
/ Audience: Anything you say, sir! / Cathy: I'm suspicious of your newfound authority.
/ Dewey: And yet you find it strangely attractive. http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20071109 |
| Saturday, November 10, 2007 | [[An angry woman is shouting at Dewey.]]
/ Angry woman: I won't calm down! There's nothing you can do to calm me down!
/ Dewey: I appreciate your candor. / [[Dewey is walking away towards the information desk.]]
/ Angry woman: Where are you going? We're not finished!
/ Dewey: You just told me we were. http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20071110 |
| Sunday, November 11, 2007 | The Unshelved Book Club presents "War Stories Volume 2" by Garth Ennis / Dewey: Spitfire pilot Jamie MacKenzie came back from a mission: a) without his wingman, and b) having almost shot down his commanding officer. Next thing he knew, he was assigned to a camship, protecting a convey of catapult-launched planes with no way to return. It's just one of four great comics from the writer of Preacher. / Dewey: You must have some great war stories.
/ Old man: One time I dropped my watch down a latrine...
/ Dewey: Gosh, would you look at the time? http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20071111 |
| Monday, November 12, 2007 | [[Dewey out with Cathy]]
/ Cathy: I'm doing something about your diet.
/ Dewey: I'm not on a diet. / [[Dewey drinking from a bottle]]
/ Cathy: Your diet is what you eat. And what you eat is appalling.
/ Dewey: Me? I eat food. Just normal food. / [[examining bottle]]
/ Cathy: "Bodybomb"?
/ Dewey: A week's supply of caffeine, sugar, and hydrogenated fats in one convenient serving! http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20071112 |
| Tuesday, November 13, 2007 | [[Dewey stands in front of a table with Cathy]]
/ [[Cathy shoves the food in front of Dewey away from him and puts another plate of food down]]
/ Cathy: Forget this junk. I made you a balanced meal. / [[Dewey stands in front of a table with Tamara]]
/ [[Tamara shoves the food in front of Dewey away from him and puts a glass down]]
/ Tamara: Forget this junk. I made you a high-protein sea-vegetable smoothie. / [[Buddy the book beaver stands next to Dewey staring at the mess of food on the table]]
/ Buddy: What is this junk?
/ Dewey: I forget. http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20071113 |
| Wednesday, November 14, 2007 | Cathy: How's it going with your planned meals?
/ Dewey: They're delicious. I feel great. / Cathy: How was the turkey breast?
/ Dewey: Best I've ever had. I'm going to live a long, long time. / Cathy: I didn't make you a turkey breast.
/ Dewey: I'm dead. http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20071114 |
| Thursday, November 15, 2007 | Cathy to Tamara: You replaced my balanced meals with a sea-vegetable smoothie?
/ Tamara: It's the food of the future!
/ Dewey: In the future no one will chew. / Cathy: Well, what did it taste like?
/ Tamara: Yes, how was it?
/ Dewey: I have it on the best authority that it was delicious. / Tamara "Best authority"?
/ Buddy: All that protein makes me want to build a lodge, if you know what I mean! http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20071115 |
| Friday, November 16, 2007 | Cathy: We're just trying to help you!
/ Tamara: We care about your health.
/ Dewey: My health is fine. / Cathy: Your skin is turning grey!
/ Dewey: Pop-tart withdrawl.
/ Tamara: You smell funny.
/ Dewey: I took a sip of your smoothie. / Cathy: Maybe Dewey doesn't want us to change him.
/ Tamara: We're just not trying hard enough. http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20071116 |
Archive Page:
<< 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20
21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 37 38 39 40
41 42 43 44 45 46 47 48 49 50 51 52 53 54 55 56 57 58 59 60
61 62 63 64 65 66 67 68 69 70 71 72 73 74 75 76 77 78 79 80
81 82 83 84 85 86 87 88 89 90 91 92 93 94 95 96 97 98 99 100
101 102 103 104 105 106 107 108 109 110 111 112 113 114 115 116 117 118 119 120
121 122 123 124 125 126 127 128 129 130 131 >>