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Tuesday, July 16, 2002 [[Dewey and Chuck are on Dewey's motorcycle]] / Chuck: Tell me again--where are we going? / Dewey: The public library. / Chuck: And what's happening there? / Dewey: Three hundred kids are waiting to see "Buddy the Book Beaver." / Chuck: I've got to lay off the tree lichen. / Dewey: Meanwhile, I'll be updating my resume...
Wednesday, July 17, 2002 Tamara: Dewey! You're back! / Mel: Did you find our mascot? / Dewey: Sort of. Chuck! Hit it! / Buddy: Hey everybody! I'm Buddy the beer bookie! / Dewey: I had to improvise. / Mel: I can see that. / Buddy: How was I that time? / Dewey: Much better! You didn't swear at all! / Tamara: No, seriously, where's Buddy?
Thursday, July 18, 2002 Mel: Help me understand...you went off to retrieve Buddy, an actual beaver... / Dewey: Yes. / Mel: ...and you came back with a man wearing a beaver suit. / Dewey: Technically he's a woodchuck. / Mel: Dare I ask about the real Buddy? / Dewey: He's on his way to a better place. / Tamara: Heaven?!? / Dewey: British Columbia. / Chuck: I just hope this doesn't violate my parole.
Friday, July 19, 2002 Tamara: Chuck, do you have much experience with little ones? / Chuck: You mean saplings? / Dewey: Chuck prunes trees for a living. / Tamara: I'm asking if you've worked with kids before. / Chuck: Not since I was in juvie. Hey! There's my cue! / Chuck: Hey kids! It's me! Buddy! / Crowd: Yaaaay! / Mel: I guess this means I approve. / Dewey: I just hope he doesn't black out again.
Saturday, July 20, 2002 Dewey: You know, I had my doubts about Chuck as "Buddy the Book Beaver." / Dewey: But then I watched him lead a farting contest, sing a Led Zeppelin medley, and kickbox the dinosaur chairs. / Dewey: And now I have to say, I'm impressed. / Mel: With him? / Dewey: No, with you. I though you'd have cut him off by now. / Merv: Wow! Look how far Buddy can spit!
 
Sunday, July 21, 2002 [[storytime at the library. a child raises his hand.]] / Child: Buddy, when are you going to do storytime? / [[Buddy talking to Dewey , an aside]] / Buddy: What's "storytime"? / Dewey: You read a book out loud. / Buddy: Dude, I never said I could READ. / [[Mel and Tamara, watching]] / Mel: I can't stand it. / Tamara: Hmmm, maybe we can use him for the fall literacy program.
Monday, July 22, 2002 Dewey: Okay Tamara, give me your worst. / Tamara: Huh? What do you mean? / Dewey: I'm sure you thought my "Buddy the Book Beaver" stunk. / Tamara: Are you kidding? The kids love him! They'll read anything he gives them! / Tamara: Of course, he needs a little guidance... / Buddy: Do we have any more wrestling books?
Tuesday, July 23, 2002 "What are you reading this summer?" / Mel: "Sun Tzu: The Art of War for Managers" by Gerald A. Michaelson. / Tamara: "Lemony Snicket's Unauthorized Autobiography". / Merv: "Catapult: Harry and I Build a Siege Weapon" by Jim Paul. / Dewey: "Classic Star Wars, volumes 1-5" by Archie Goodwin, Al Williamson, Russ Manning, et al.
Wednesday, July 24, 2002 [[Dewey is putting something on the top of a bookshelf]] / Mel: What's that? / Dewey: One of those spy cameras from the Internet. / Mel: Is this about those missiing DVD's? / Dewey: They're not walking out on their own. / Mel: I was wondering who did it. / Dewey: Soon we'll find out. / Mel: No, I mean I wondered who bought those things. / Dewey: If this doesn't work I'll try my X-Ray specs.
Thursday, July 25, 2002 [[Mel and Dewey working at computer]] / Mel: More DVD's are missing. / Dewey: Let's check yesterday's video. / Dewey: Here it is! Our perp in action! / Mel: We're looking for a blotchy gray blur? / Dewey: Those pop-up ads lied! I can't believe it! / Mel: Yeah, the quality is pretty bad. / Dewey: Not one bikini in sight! / Mel: I wish I could tell if you were kidding.
 
Friday, July 26, 2002 [[Tamara and Merv are standing at a window watching the rain]] / Tamara: I can't believe all this rain! / Merv: Now, now, you mustn't worry. / Tamara: Don't say it. / Merv: The sun will come out, Tamara. / [[Dewey sees Merv's rear end and feet sticking out the book drop]] / Dewey: How did you get stuck in the book drop?
Saturday, July 27, 2002 [[Tamara is at counter in coffee store]] / Tamara: I can remember when coffee came in one size. / Tamara: Then there was "tall," then "grande," and now there's "venti." / Tamara: They just keep increasing the size! / [[Dewey is standing by table covered with coffee cups]] / Dewey: Not quickly enough. / Tamara: How many have you had?
Sunday, July 28, 2002 Geeky guy: The computers are slow. You need to defrag the RAM and uninstall the video memory to free up the hard drive cache. / Dewey: Hold on, I'll call tech support. / Dewey: Hi. We've got that problem again. Yes. Complete gibberish. Okay, thanks. / Geeky guy: Are they going to fix it? / Dewey: They said the problem will go away as soon as you leave.
Monday, July 29, 2002 [[Dewey is in Mel's office]] / Dewey: I'm not really in the mood to work the information desk. / Mel: Colleen's still on vacation. You'll have to think of something. / [[A doctor's scale is in front of the information desk with a sign saying "How much do you weigh?" A woman patron approaches]] / Woman: There's no way I'm getting on that thing! / Dewey: I can't hear you. You'll have to move closer.
Comics Wannabe Man: I want to draw comics. / Dewey: We have many books on... / Man [[angry]]: No. I want to draw comics NOW! / Dewey: Ok, here's a pencil. / Man: I need paper too! / Dewey: Anything else? / Man: Do you know a publisher? / Dewey [[at computer]]: I'll work up a list
 
Unshelved comic strip archive Man: The market is *crashing!* I'm *ruined!* I'm jumping out a *window!* / Dewey: Okay. / [[Tamara looking upset]] / Tamara: Aren't you going to *stop* him? / Dewey: Well, this *is* a one-story building. / Tamara: I know but he could get a nasty splinter! / Man [[from offpanel]]: Can someone unlock this window for me? / Dewey: Be right there!
Thursday, August 01, 2002 [[Dewey helps man at computer]] / Man: Rich! I'm rich again! Thank you! / [[Dewey walks away]] / Mel: I take it the market recovered? / Dewey: No. He's just looking at prices from July, 1999. / Man (offscreen): Yes! Pets.com is up, up, up!
Friday, August 02, 2002 Man: "Nooorwaaay!" / Dewey: Yes? / Man: "Norway!" / Dewey: History? Major exports? Travel plans? / Man: I just love saying it! I love words! / Dewey: Okay, here's a good one: "fez." / [[Man leaves desk and approaches woman patron]] / Man: "Feeezzzz!" / Woman: I love that word!
Saturday, August 03, 2002 [[Dewey talking to Colleen with Mel]] / Dewey: So in ten words or less, what did you do on your summer vacation? / Colleen: Adopted a baby. / [[All silent]] / Dewey: Well, I'm impressed! / Mel: Me too! / [[Mel and Colleen walking away]] / Dewey: I mean that was, what, three words? / Mel: Boy or girl? / Colleen: Don't be sexist.
Sunday, August 04, 2002 [Mel and Colleen are talking together in the library]] / Mel: I had no idea you were in China adopting a baby! / Colleen: I kept it quiet in case things fell through. / Mel: I didn't even know you *wanted* a child! / Colleen: Well my first choice was a clone. / Mel [off-screen]: Ah... / Colleen: But apparently the technology isn't there yet. / Mel: I'm...sorry to hear that. / Colleen [lifting a baby carrier]: Still, I think this will probably work out.
 
Monday, August 05, 2002 [[Tamara is holding Colleen's new baby]] / Tamara: She's gorgeous! / Colleen: Looks like every other baby to me! / Tamara: Look, she's smiling! / Colleen: Probably just gas. / Tamara: "Doreen" is such a cute name! / Colleen: Had to use it to stay in Grandma's will. / Mel: How is motherhood so far? / Colleen: I'm much more sentimental now.
Tuesday, August 06, 2002 [[Man is holding a coffee cup]] / Man: I spilled coffee on the keyboard and now it won't work / Man: I think I put my disk in sideways. / [[Man is holding a hammer]] / Man: I tried to fix it myself. No luck. / [[Mel is holding a sign that says "Out of Order"]] / Mel: Why are these on all of the computers? / Dewey: Camouflage / [[Man taps Dewey on shoulder]] / Man: The printer's smoking again.
Wednesday, August 07, 2002 [[Tamara and Mel are talking in break room]] / Tamara: ...so after three years I finally dumped him! / Mel: I don't blame you! / Tamara: Now I find out he was about to propose! / Mel: That's his problem! You snooze, you lose. / Buddy: That's not snoozing, that's hibernation! / Tamara: How would you know? Beavers don't hibernate! / [[Buddy hearts Tamara!]] / Buddy: No, but they do date. / Tamara: I didn't want to know that.
Thursday, August 08, 2002 [[Dewey is on the telephone]] / Phone patron: Tell me what's on channel 5 at 8 p.m.! / Dewey: No. / Phone patron: "No I can't" or "No I won't." / Dewey: The ambiguous "no." / Phone patron: Look it up now! / Dewey: My job description doesn't say, "T.V. Guide." / Phone patron: Does it say. "public employee"? / Dewey: Come in and find out.
Friday, August 09, 2002 Bearded guy: You were *rude* to me on the phone! / Dewey: Ah yes, mr. Remote Control. / Bearded guy: Now I'm here. Tell me what's on T.V. / Dewey: The papers are there. "T.V. guide" is with the magazines. / Bearded guy: You're paid to *help* me. / Dewey: You're right. I'm sorry. / [[Dewey hands him a brochure]] / Bearded guy: That's better. / Dewey: We have an excellent adult literacy program.
 
Saturday, August 10, 2002 [[Mel mediates between angry patron and Dewey]] / Mel: What's the problem here? / Patron: The problem is this surly clerk! / Mel: He's not a... / Patron: He made me perform a simple task myself! / [[Silence]] / Patron: Wait, that didn't come out right. / Dewey: Do clerks get more vacation that librarians? / Mel: Who doesn't?
Sunday, August 11, 2002 Woman patron: That table there is dirty! / Dewey: I'll be right there. / [[Dewey comes out of janitor's closet with cleaning supplies]] / Dewey: This? Are you kidding? / Woman patron: Don't you see the handprints? / Dewey: I eat off dishes dirtier than this! / Tamara: Omigosh! That table is filthy!
Monday, August 12, 2002 [[Colleen and Tamara are talking in front of a bookshelf.]] / Colleen: It's simple. I take the book and just... / [[Colleen makes forceful, aggressive forward gesture with book in hand.]] / Colleen: Cram it down their little throats! / Tamara: Have you considered more of a "soft sell" booktalk? / Colleen: That WAS my soft sell.
Tuesday, August 13, 2002 Library Tip #1: Librarians are nice, but don't push it! / [[Teen girl is talking on cell phone while Dewey watches from desk]] / Girl: Yeah, I totally kept those books. Because I wanted to! / Girl: Nope, no fines. I never checked them out, silly! Gotta go-I need help with homework. / Girl: I have a question. / [[Dewey mimes holding a cell phone to ear]] / Dewey: Sorry, all out of answers! Bye, bye!
Wednesday, August 14, 2002 [[Man and his son are talking to Tamara in the library]] / Man: My son finished the summer reading program. He read fifteen books. / Tamara: Let's have a look! / [[Tamara looks at the paper]] / Tamara: Sir, these are all PICTURE BOOKS! Did he even spend an HOUR reading? / [[Man points angrily at Tamara]] / Man: He DID IT and he should get the PRIZE! / Tamara: But don't you want him to have a feeling of ACCOMPLISHMENT? / [[Son has a crowbar and a bag of cash]] / Man: What do you mean? He got away with it, didn't he? / Son: Hey Dad! Look what I got from the payphone!
 

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