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|Monday, August 29, 2005||Dewey: I'm a little worried about Doreen. / Tamara: Really, why? / Dewey: Shouldn't she be talking? / Tamara: What do you mean? She talks. / Dewey: She does? / Mel: Doreen just said the cutest thing! / Colleen: Everything she says is cute. / Buddy: Read Uncle Buddy that book again!|
|Tuesday, August 30, 2005||Dewey: Doreen's been talking or over a year? / Colleen: Yes. / Dewey: And she talks to everyone but me? / Colleen: Yes. / Dewey: Why? / Colleen: Have YOU ever tried talking to you?|
|Wednesday, August 31, 2005||[[Doreen, Dewey, and Colleen are standing in the library. Dewey is squatting down to Doreen's level.]] / Dewey: Doreen, I understand that your mommy instructed you not to talk to me. / Dewey: But now she has seen the error of her ways. [[Colleen rolls her eyes.]] / Dewey: [[standing, angrily pointing an accusing finger at Colleen]] It's no use. Your brainwashing has . . . / Doreen: What is the fuss about Manga, anyway? I don't get it.|
|Thursday, September 01, 2005||[[Dewey is behind reference desk, typing on computer. Merv and Doreen are in front of desk crossing paths.]] / Merv [[condescendingly]]: Doreen. / Doreen [[excited]]: Hi Merv! / Dewey: I see Doreen has been talking to you too. / Merv: Well, duh. She's been tutoring me. / Dewey: Don't you mean *you've* been tutoring *her*? / Doreen [[reappears with chessboard]]: Checkmate in five moves. / Merv [[with arms crossed.]]: You are harsh. But fair, always fair.|
|Friday, September 02, 2005||[[Dewey and Colleen are standing facing each other.]] / Dewey: Well Colleen, your daughter and I have been talking all week. / Dewey: I hope you see how misguided you were telling her not to speak with me. / [[Doreen comes up to them in a costume. Colleen looks angry.]] / Dewey: I am an excellent influence on young children. / Doreen: How do you like my "Hellboy" costume? / Dewey: Outstanding.|
|Saturday, September 03, 2005||Mother: Go on, ask him. / Boy: Do you have any comics? / Dewey: Actually, we do. Follow me. / Boy: He said I could check out as many as I could carry! / Mother: Well he's not your mother. / Dewey: I'll go find you a snorkel.|
|Sunday, September 04, 2005||The Unshelved Book Club presents "The Tipping Point" by Malcolm Gladwell vs. "Freakonomics" by Steven Levitt and Stephen Dubner
/ [[A man holding up his hands next to a man of color]]
/ Mel: In the nineties, the crime rate in New York City dropped precipitously.
/ Man: Aren't you going to mug me?
/ Man of color: No, man. I'm just waiting for the bus. / Mel: A man named Malcolm Gladwell explained this and other phenomena in "The Tipping Point". A new policy called "Broken Windows" started and...
/ Voice: WRONG! / Colleen: In "Freakonomics" Steven Levitt shows that policy only accounted for a fraction of the change.
/ Mel: Well, Steven Levitt is a pop economist who doesn't understand how trends "tip" into widespread adoption.
/ Colleen: And Malcolm Gladwell is a crazy-haired journalist without two new ideas to rub together. / Mel: You're just immune to new ways of thinking.
/ Colleen: And you'll believe anything you read,
/ Mel: Ow!
/ Collen: Let go of my hair!
|Monday, September 05, 2005||[[Dewey and male patron are standing at circulation computer. Patron is presenting a book to check out]] / Patron: I don't have my library card. / Dewey: Would you like a replacement? / Patron: Nah, just look up my number for me. / Dewey: Because I can get you a replacement. / Patron: It's easier to have you look it up for me everytime. / [[Dewey looks annoyed]]|
|Tuesday, September 06, 2005||[[Dewey and male patron are standing at the circulation computer]] / Patron: I took your advice and tattooed my library card number on! / Patron: Now I'll never have to ask you to look it up again! / [[Patron rolls eyes up to try to read forehead, Dewey looks irritated]]: My number is...wait a second...can you help me out here?|
|Wednesday, September 07, 2005||[[Male patron is talking to Dewey, who is standing behind the circulation computer. Patron has library card number tattooed on forehead]] / Patron: Okay, I'm back with a mirror. Now I can look up my library card number without help! / Patron [[holding mirror in front of face]]: Hey, it's backwards! / [[Mel has joined Dewey and the patron at the circulation desk. Patron is bending sideways trying to read number on forehead]] / Dewey: It's like watching dogs discover fire.|
|Thursday, September 08, 2005||Customer: Guess who got lucky last night thanks to his library card tattoo! / Dewey: You've constrained the possibilities pretty well there. / Customer: She likes the tattoo, right? But she's shy. She thinks the number is a phone number, so she sends me a text message. But she gets some guy in Turkmenistan. Now she's mad, so she pours a beer on my head! / Dewey: I thought you said you "got lucky." / Customer: I didn't have to pay for the beer!|
|Unshelved comic strip archive||Patron [[rudely]]: Aren't you going to offer to help me? / Dewey: With an opening like that how can I resist?|
|Saturday, September 10, 2005||"Happiness is...?" / Tamara [[holding book to her chest]]: A new book by your favorite author! / Dewey[[sitting underneath a tree with a book]]: Remembering you have the day off. / Colleen: Your daughter's first sonnet. / Doreen [[sitting at desk behind Colleen]]: Wait, no, that doesn't scan right. / Ned [[plugged into ipod]]: Liberty. Freedom. Independence. Oh, and show tunes.|
|Sunday, September 11, 2005||The Unshelved Book Club presents "Darwin's Blade" by Dan Simmons / [[in the library]] / Guy: I'm thinking of majoring in English Lit. / Dewey: What about Physics? / Guy: I'm not really a... / Dewey: Physicist Darwin Minor is the world's best accident investigator. / [[Two mean stand in front of a car wreck]] / Gray beard man: He strapped rockets to his car? / Darwin: Stupidity kills. Absolute stupidity kills absolutely. / [[A red car speeds under a yellow jet while Darwin aims a sniper rifle]] / Dewey: But when a string of car crashes looks like more than accidents, Darwin finds himself the target of the Russian mafia. Good thing he was a sniper in the Vietnam war. Oh, and he has a really fast car. And pilots a glider. / [[Back in the library]] / Dewey: He's smart, he's funny, he's an action hero! Physics majors are cool! / Guy: I take it you majored in Physics? / Dewey: No, English Lit. It was like watching paint dry.|
|Monday, September 12, 2005||Dewey: I'm sorry, I can't proctor your exam right now. / Student: Pretty please? I need to send it in today! / Dewey: I can't sit in a room and supervise you. / Student: Oh, you don't have to do that! Look, you just need to sign it! / Dewey: This test is already filled out. / Student: You complain a lot.|
|Tuesday, September 13, 2005||[[Tamara and Dewey are sitting in the lunchroom]] / Tamara: You signed it? / Dewey: Here. I made a copy of the form. It literally says only "sign here." / Tamara: I think the word "proctor" implies a level of responsibility. / Dewey: This is America, land of the contract. / Tamara [[turning away]]: Distance learning took a big step backwards today. / Dewey: That happened when "Bandwidth University" got accredited.|
|Wednesday, September 14, 2005||[[A female patron is talking to Dewey at the reference desk. Dewey is reading a comic.]] / Patron: I need you to proctor another exam. / Dewey: I'm busy right now. / Patron: You don't look busy. / Dewey: And you don't look like you studied very hard. / Patron: Look, I need to appear to take a test and you need to appear to be working. We can help each other. / Dewey: Why are we standing here talking? You've got an education to continue!|
|Thursday, September 15, 2005||[[Dewey is looking at a stack of papers given to him by a patron]] / Dewey: I can't proctor this exam. It requires "constant supervision". / Patron: I'll sit right here, in front of your desk. / Dewey: But I'm working! I might have to go to the stacks, or help someone on the computers... / Patron: I'll follow you! / Dewey [[hands on hips]]: What if I have to use the restroom? / Patron: That's why I didn't ask her. [[pointing towards Tamara, walking past]]|
|Friday, September 16, 2005||[[Dewey talking to Mel]] / Dewey: ...so this guy says he needs his exam proctored today, and he's willing to stay in view everywhere I go so I can say he wasnt cheating. / Dewey: He even went with on break to the coffee shop. / [[Patron lying on the floor writing exam beside Dewey. Mel looks on.]] / Patron: It's really hard to fill out these answer sheets on the floor. / Dewey: You should have brought a clipboard. And no talking or I'll fail you.|
|Saturday, September 17, 2005||[[Merv and Dewey are walking somewhere]] / Merv: The only copy of some guy's 500-page autobiography gets deleted and everyone immediately points their fingers at *me* / Dewey: It *was* you / Merv: I know, but still.|
|Sunday, September 18, 2005||The Unshelved Book Club presents "A Wizard of Earthsea" by Ursula K. LeGuin / Son: I want to read the new HARRY POTTER book. / Mother: He's waiting for Harry Potter 7. / Dewey: Well, I have something better. In fact, it's one of MY favorite books. / Dewey: This is Ursula K. LeGuin's A WIZARD OF EARTHSEA. / Mother: That book is too thin. / Son: I want something thicker. / [[View of Ged, on his ship Lookfar, confronting a dragon]] / Dewey: It's got everything. Raiders, attacks, mysteries, magic, men of great power, evil beasts loosed on the world. It's (and I don't use this word lightly) poetry, pure poetry. / Mother: He lives evil beasts. / Son: Evil beasts sound good. / Merv: Saw the movie. I give it a big yawn. / Dewey: The movie deserved a big yawn. But the book is fantastic. When Harry Potter is forgotten, A Wizard of Earthsea will still be loved and appreciated. / Merv: Forgotten? HALF BLOOD PRINCE had an initial printing of like a bazillion copies. HABITAT FOR HUMANITY is building houses out of them. / Son: Maybe I should see the movie. / Mother. Find him the movie. / Dewey: I'll be over here. Reading it again. / Merv: Don't take it personally. He's always like this.|
|Monday, September 19, 2005||[[Dewey is at the information desk sweating heavily. Colleen is standing nearby with a fan attached to her shoulder.]] / Dewey [[pointing]]: I'll give you fifty bucks for that fan. / Colleen: Keep dreaming, Aquaman. / [[Tamara walks by.]] / Tamara: Isn't this weather beautiful? / Colleen: How can one person be so perky? / Dewey: If it gets her through storytime who are we to judge?|
|Tuesday, September 20, 2005||[[Buddy is carrying an air conditioner on his back.]] / [[Buddy plugs in the air conditioner. A hose is coming out of it.]]
|Wednesday, September 21, 2005||[[Dewey is at the information desk sweating. A patron walks up who is also sweating. A vase of flowers is on the desk.]] / [[The sweating patron reaches for the vase of flowers.]] / Dewey: Drinking fountain is in the lobby. / [[The sweating patron pours vase of flowers onto his head.]] / Sweating patron: I'm good, thanks.|
|Thursday, September 22, 2005||[[Dewey is at the information desk talking to Mel. Dewey is shivering.]] / Mel: I finally got the A.C. working! / [[Merv and Sanjay walk up to the desk.]] / Sanjay: The library is the coolest place in Mallville! / Merv: He only means that literally. / [[A butcher appears with a huge slab of meat.]] / Butcher: Mind if I store this here? My freezer's on the blink.|
|Friday, September 23, 2005||[[Mel is looking off panel. Dewey is seated at a table. Tamara stands near him, arms crossed. Colleen sits at the table with Dewey, finger upraised. Buddy, in a chef's hat and carrying a tray of steaming hamburgers is walking into the frame.]] / Mel: Why is there a side of beef at the front desk? / Dewey: I don't have a simple answer. / Tamara: I can't have have a dead cow in my workplace. / Colleen: Actually it's a steer. Was. Was a steer. / Buddy: Who's up for some burgers?|
|Saturday, September 24, 2005||[[Mel and Dewey are talking at the information desk.]] / Mel: The air conditioner is fixed. The butcher took his beef back. / Mel: Buddy promised not to barbecue in the staff room again. And the fire department left. / Mel: It's nice to have things under control for once. / [[Colleen enters.]] / Colleen: A man in nonfiction has spiders coming out of his ears.|
|Sunday, September 25, 2005||The Unshelved Book Club presents "GETTING THINGS DONE" by David Allen / Mel: I just read GETTING THINGS DONE, by David Allen. / Tamara: I don't know how I lived without it! / Mel: This morning I processed my incompletes. / Tamara: What sort of an action management system are you using? / Mel: I sync my PDA with my laptop task list and calendar. I even keep my project plans in here! / Tamara: I'm old school - index cards with binder clip. Everything else goes in folders at my desk. / Mel: Well of course the most important thing is to find out what works for you. / Tamara: That's right, I used to... / Dewey: See this stack of notes, business cards, scribbles, doodles, and illegible scrawls? / Dewey: I keep it in my back pocket throughout the week. On Sunday I do my laundry. It comes out as a nice clean compact brick. On Monday morning I start again fresh. / Tamara: But...don't you forget lots of commitments? / Cathy: Dewey, remember we're having dinner with my great aunt next week! / Dewey: I've got it right here.|
|Monday, September 26, 2005||[[Mel and Dewey are talking at the information desk.]] / Mel: Your dream just came true. / Dewey: Dirk Benedict is hiding in the staff restroom? / Dewey: Man that was a scary one. / [[Mel walks away.]] / Dewey: Don't read anything into it, okay? / Mel: The system is bringing video games into the library. And you're in charge.|
|Tuesday, September 27, 2005||[[Dewey and Mel are talking in the library.]] / Dewey: We get video games in the library? And I get to pick? / Mel: I was told, "Give that hip guy library decision-making authority.'' / Dewey: I bet that hurt. / Mel: You have no idea. / [[Dewey and Buddy are walking through the library now. Mel is covering her face with her hands.]] / Dewey [[to Buddy]]: Three words: Giant Plasma T.V. / Buddy: Can I pick the channels? / Dewey: Cable! I'll add that to my list.|
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