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| Monday, December 08, 2003 | [[Dewey helps a patron at the computer.]]
/ Dewey: The thing to remember about computers is *never get the coolest model!* You pay through the nose and next month there's something better. / Patron: Like that one there?
/ Dewey: Yes, that's . . . Exactly . . . / Patron: [[standing]] So now you're showing me what NOT to do?
/ Dewey: [[sitting at computer, with spirals for eyes]] Must . . . have . . . top of line . . . http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20031208 |
| Ultraportable | [[Dewey and Tamara are talking. Dewey is holding a small object.]]
/ Dewey: I got a new laptop!
/ Tamara: What about your nest egg? / Dewey: It hatched. Look how small it is.
/ Tamara: Adorable. What are those little bumps. / Dewey: Keyboard. Do you have a toothpick? I want to send some e-mail. http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20031209 |
| Wednesday, December 10, 2003 | [[Merv is checking out Dewey's new laptop computer. Dewey smiles.]]
/ Merv: Check out you with the hot new ultraportable notebook! Super-bright wide-aspect screen, DVD drive, ... / Merv: ULV processor, massive memory and storage, USB and Firewire! This is one sweet machine! / [[Merv hands the computer back to Dewey, who frowns]]
/ Merv: Too bad you didn't wait a few days to buy it. They just announced a new model that's faster, smaller, and cheaper. http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20031210 |
| Thursday, December 11, 2003 | Mel: Why on Earth did you get a new laptop?
/ Dewey [[typing on a small laptop]]: It's all about increased productivity, Mel. / Dewey [[holding aforementioned laptop]]: Squeezing more usefulness out of every second. Work happening where before there was only idleness. / Mel: You're going to play video games in line at the Krispy Kreme.
/ Dewey [[indicating a vista with his hand]]: It's like a whole new world opening up in front of me! http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20031211 |
| Friday, December 12, 2003 | [[Male and femal patron approach the Information Desk.]]
/ Female patron: Is this the librarian?
/ Male patron: Yup. He bought that ultra-cool laptop! So it must be a good investement!
/ Dewey: I sent it back. / [[Male & female patron stare at each other.]] / Male patron: You're letting down the side!
/ Dewey: Hey, I still ride a motorcycle. http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20031212 |
| Saturday, December 13, 2003 | Library Tip #22: Plan Ahead / Boy: I need a computer.
/ Dewey: I can book one for you in two hours. / Boy: Two hours? But I need it now!
/ Dewey: Whoops. Someone just reserved it. Three hours? / Boy: Okay, fine. I guess I'll...
/ Dewey: Now we're into tomorrow. Maybe you could talk faster? http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20031213 |
| Sunday, December 14, 2003 | [[Dewey zooms through the library, weaving through the stacks. He ends up in Mel's office.]] / Dewey: I looked everywhere!
/ Mel: Yes, but you're never very detail-oriented until your triple latte wears off. http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20031214 |
| Monday, December 15, 2003 | [[Dewey is talking on the phone while a woman stands at the reference counter]]
/ Dewey: No, that wasn't me. I never buy lady's lingerie before noon. / Dewey: Nope, I didn't subscribe to "Beefcake Boy." / Dewey: I don't even LIKE figure skating. / Dewey: Someone stole my credit card.
/ Woman: That's what my ex-husband told me. http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20031215 |
| Tuesday, December 16, 2003 | [[Tamara and Dewey are walking together in the library]]
/ Tamara: Didn't you cancel your credit card when your wallet was stolen?
/ Dewey: Not fast enough. They really painted the town red. / Tamara: But you're not responsible for those charges.
/ Dewey: I know. Still, I can't help feeling like it's not over. / [[Two volunteers talking at the Toys for Tikes campaign office]]
/ First volunteer: Look at the size of this pledge!
/ Second volunteer: This "Dewey" must really love Christmas! http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20031216 |
| Wednesday, December 17, 2003 | Tamara [[to two patrons]]: Do you want "Dewey, Mallville's Young Adult Librarian" or "Melvil Dewey, library icon"?
/ First Patron: The one who pledged a lot of money to buy Christmas presents for kids. / Tamara: That doesn't sound like either of them.
/ Dewey [[Pops up behind Tamara to tell her]]: If anyone asks who pantsed the corner Santa, it wasn't me. / Second Patron [[to Tamara, as Dewey leaves]]: There's another one, you say?
/ Tamara: Yes, but he's dead.
/ First Patron [[to First Patron]]: Maybe it's a bequest. http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20031217 |
| Thursday, December 18, 2003 | Girl: Are you the guy who gave all that money to Toys for Tykes?
/ Dewey: I was just explaining to these gentlemen that I'm... / [[Girl kisses Dewey on the lips]]< http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20031218 |
| Friday, December 19, 2003 | Policemen: We're here about a case of identity theft.
/ Dewey: I never thought I'd be happy to see you guys. / Policemen: Come with us.
/ Dewey: Why? Do you need more information? / Policeman: We have a complaint from someone who says you stole her identity.
/ Other Policeman: There's always something fishy about a male librarian. http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20031219 |
| Saturday, December 20, 2003 | Dewey: There's some confusion here. MY identity was stolen!
/ Policeman: The lady on the phone said you took her wallet.
/ Mustachioed Policeman: He doesn't like you. / Dewey: Buddy! Tell these guys I'm me!
/ Policeman: She said you've been buying all sorts of things.
/ Mustachioed Policeman: I don't like you either. / Buddy: Me? You're not me. I'm me. Aren't I?
/ Policeman: I have just the jail cell for you.
/ Mustachioed Policeman: You'd better hope it's not number 19! http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20031220 |
| Sunday, December 21, 2003 | [[After Dewey was almost arrested]]
/ Dewey: Thanks for the save, Mel. What? / Mel: I just spent the last twenty minutes convincing the police that my young adult librarian isn't an IMPOSTER. Does that strike you as NORMAL? / Dewey: You're right. It shouldn't have taken more than 5 minutes.
/ Mel: I hate this job.
/ Colleen: Did you need a file called "Important-Do Not Delete"? http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20031221 |
| Monday, December 22, 2003 | [[An attractive girl in sunglasses returns Dewey's wallet]]
/ Dewey: My wallet! Where did you... / Dewey: I see. Got tired of selling library books on Ebay, decided to move up to identity theft? / Dewey: This is the part where you explain your sinister motivation.
/ Girl: You seem to have mistaken me for a supervillain. http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20031222 |
| Tuesday, December 23, 2003 | Dewey: You made my life a living hell this past week!
/ Book Thief: Is that a fact? / Book Thief: Tell you what. How about I get a job at the espresso stand? I learn the err [sic] of my ways and slowly pay back my ill-earned gains. You get free coffee and every day we engage in witty, sex-charged banter. / Dewey: That...that would be okay.
/ Book Thief: Too bad. Your life may be a sitcom, but mine isn't. http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20031223 |
| Wednesday, December 24, 2003 | [[Dewey, behind the desk, is talking frantically to Tamara and Merv--who are somewhat calmer.]]
/ Dewey: Tamara! Merv! Quick, go tell the police what you just heard!
/ Tamara: We couldn't hear anything. Why, who was she? / Dewey: [[aghast]] The identity thief! She practically confessed! You weren't listening?
/ Tamara: We were exercising discretion.
/ Merv: We wanted to give Dr. Love room to operate. / [[Dewey glares at Merv as Tamara walks away.]]
/ Dewey: Do the words "conjugal visits" mean anything to you?
/ Merv: [[Raising his hands in brackets]] "First she stole his wallet, then she stole his heart!" http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20031224 |
| Thursday, December 25, 2003 | [[Dewey's cubicle at the library.]]
/ Colleen: I heard you got your wallet back.
/ Dewey: Yes, even my much-abused credit card. / Colleen: So there's no way to prove you didn't buy all that stuff.
/ Dewey: Well...No, I guess... But who would...? / [[Colleen's home. Colleen is getting ready to leave.]]
/ Colleen: "Blackmail" is such an unpleasant word.
/ Dewey: Most people just hire babysitters. http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20031225 |
| Friday, December 26, 2003 | [[Dewey is at his desk. A young man/patron approaches him]]
/ Patron: Is this where I get a library card? / [[Dewey points at his own desk.]]
/ Dewey: You mean this desk?
/ Patron: No, is this the right building? / [[Dewey folds his arms.]]
/ Dewey: You mean is this, the Mallville Public Library, the right place to get a library card?
/ Patron: Yes. / [[Dewey points out the door.]]
/ Dewey: No, you have to go to the gas station.
/ [[Patron walks away.]]
/ Patron: Thanks! http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20031226 |
| Saturday, December 27, 2003 | [[Young woman walks toward the desk holding a pile of books and with her library card in her mouth]] / [[She takes out the card]] / [[Handing the card to Dewey, he gives her a piece of paper]]
/ Young Woman: My library card.
/ Dewey: My policy on communicable disease. http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20031227 |
| Sunday, December 28, 2003 | [[Dewey and Male Patron with mustache and hat stand in the middle of the library, while several other patrons browse the shelves. Male Patron holds a book out towards Dewey.]]
/ Male Patron: Do you have this audio book in a large print version? I'm hard of hearing. http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20031228 |
| Monday, December 29, 2003 | [[Dewey is standing at the reference desk, behind a computer. Blinking lights appear on and around him. He stares blankly ahead. ]] / [[Scene is the same, with lights in a different pattern.]] / [[Scene is the same, with lights in a different pattern.]] / [[Pull out to show a patron standing in front of Dewey with a Christmas tree on her sweater]]
/ Patron: I said "When is the latest I should take down my Chirstmas tree?"
/ Dewey: January. But the electric sweater needs to go now. http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20031229 |
| Tuesday, December 30, 2003 | [[Dewey stands behind the Reference Desk, looking at his computer. A young male patron stands on the other side of the desk.]]
/ Young Male Patron: Hi, can you recommend a good book? / [[Dewey shows patron a stack of books.]]
/ Young Male Patron: If it were any good it would be checked out. / [[Dewey searches the online catalog, while Young Male Patron points to the monitor.]]
/ Young Male Patron: If it were any good it would have a longer wait list. / [[Dewey stands with arms crossed as Young Male Patron gestures behind himself.]]
/ Dewey: I bet you're a joy to date.
/ Young Male Patron: If you were any good I'd still be in line. http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20031230 |
| Wednesday, December 31, 2003 | Dewey [[on the phone]]: I found the lyrics you wanted. Do you have email? Fax? / Dewey: No, I can't wait while you type them. No, I'm not singing to your answering machine. / Dewey [[hanging head]]: Yes, I could read you one stanza every day. Or you could actually set foot in the library. http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20031231 |
| Thursday, January 01, 2004 | "What is your New Year's resolution?" / Dewey: [[holding book attached to a chain]] Better security. / Tamara: [[dressed in martial arts outfit throwing someone]] Reach 3rd dan. / Buddy: Ask out that special someone. / Ned: [[Sitting and reading newspaper]] Continue my lawsuits against the despotic so-called U.S. government. And exercise more. http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20040101 |
| Friday, January 02, 2004 | Girl: Any books on the 8th commandment?
/ Dewey: "Thou shalt not steal," right? Nope, they're all listed as "missing." / Girl: Does that mean stolen?
/ Dewey: Afraid so. / Girl: Why doesn't it just say that?
/ Dewey: It's an old program. It can't handle excessive irony. http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20040102 |
| Saturday, January 03, 2004 | [[Older Female Patron talking to Colleen with Doreen at her side]]
/ Older Female Patron [[pointing to Colleen's belly]]: When are you due, Dearie?
/ Colleen: I go on break in about 15 minutes. / Older Female Patron: I meant-
/ Colleen: My dental checkup isn't for another two months. / Older Female Patron: No, that's not -
/ Colleen [[walking away]]: You're right, I'm late for a staff meeting. Time to go. http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20040103 |
| Sunday, January 04, 2004 | Dewey: Name?
/ Patron: "Princess Joan Randall" / Dewey: Is that what it says on your driver's license?
/ Patron: No. / Dewey: Then I can't put it on your library card.
/ [[Patron scowls]] / Dewey: ... Your Royal Highness
/ [[Patron smiles]] http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20040104 |
| Monday, January 05, 2004 | Mel: Our library needs a t-shirt!
/ Tamara: [[raising hand]] I'll form a committee.
/ Colleen: I have seniority, *I'll* form a committee! / Mel: Dewey, why don't *you* do it?
/ Dewey: How about "because I hate committees?"
/ Colleen: *I* like committees! / Mel: If you're not part of the solution you're part of the problem.
/ Dewey: I'm comfortable being part of the problem.
/ Colleen: How come *I'm* old and everyone *else* is deaf? http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20040105 |
| Tuesday, January 06, 2004 | Buddy: [[wearing jacket, holding broom and saluting]] Hear ye, hear ye. The Mallville library t-shirt committee is now in session. All rise for the committee chair.
/ Colleen: [[sitting]] You must be joking. / Dewey: [[wearing crown and robe with ermine trim]] Bailiff, why is that one sitting?
/ Buddy: I don't know, your honor.
/ Colleen: [[still sitting]] Are you talking about me? / Dewey: [[waving gavel]] I find you in contempt of committee. Take her away!
/ Colleen: But -
/ Buddy: [[taking Colleen by the arm]] You're in enough trouble already! http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20040106 |
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