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| Tuesday, September 09, 2003 | [[Mel and Dewey walk into a coffee shop]]
/ Mel: Dewey, you discovered a whole ethnic group!
/ Dewey: It was an accident. / Mel: We can fulfill our mandate! Serve the underserved!
/ Barista [[preparing a tasty beverage]]: I'm working as fast as I can here, lady. / Mel [[standing between Dewey and his coffee cup; Dewey peers around her]]: Don't worry, I won't get between you and this opportunity! http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20030909 |
| Wednesday, September 10, 2003 | [[Dewey reporting to Mel as he searches the Internet.]]
/ Dewey: Okay, I've looked into it. Mallville's newest citizens are members of a hill tribe from Southeast Asia
/ Mel: That's wonderful! / Dewey: They are refugees from relentless religious persecution
/ Mel: Marvelous, Marvelous! / Dewey: [[sarcastically]] Yes, it's always great to see a people driven from its homeland by hatred and intolerance.
/ Mel: [[enraptured]] Our own minority group! I wonder if we can get a grant? http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20030910 |
| Thursday, September 11, 2003 | Dewey: What have you done to my young adult area?!?
/ Mel: I created a familiar environment for the hill people. / Dewey: Is that mud under the straw?
/ Mel: Look, they can hang their farming hats on those pegs! / Dewey: This is Mallville. The only hats here have logos on them.
/ Mel: Now we just have to find these poor disoriented immigrants!
/ Patron [[perhaps a 'poor disoriented immigrant', wearing a baseball cap with a logo]]: Excuse me, where is the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit issue? http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20030911 |
| Friday, September 12, 2003 | [[Mel, Dewey and patron (wearing a baseball hat) in the library]]
/ Mel: [[to patron:]] Are YOU a hill person?
/ Patron: Are you a librarian? / Mel: Where is your farming hat?
/ Dewey: I'M a librarian. How can I help you?
/ Patron: I'm just checking out the facilities. / Mel: Would you like to sit in the straw?There's real mud underneath!
/ Dewey: We have free Internet access.
/ Patron: [[walking away]] Cool! I can read "Bob the Angry Flower"! http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20030912 |
| Saturday, September 13, 2003 | Mel [[sitting with her head in her hands]]: I feel so stupid about the way I treated the Hill people. Did I really build a mud hut?
/ Tamara [[standing with her arm around Mel]]: They said it was "very authentic." / Tamara: The elephant hitching post was especially popular.
/ Dewey [[popping his head inside the room]]: Okay, they finally left. The elders thanked us for reminding them why they came to our country. / Mel [[looking up, hopefully]]: Because we're a melting pot of diverse cultures?
/ Dewey: Because they hated living in mud huts. http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20030913 |
| Sunday, September 14, 2003 | Where's your favorite place in the library? / [[Merv on computer]]
/ < http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20030914 |
| Monday, September 15, 2003 | [[Cathy and Dewey walk together. Dewey carries a box of books.]]
/ Cathy: The students really enjoy your booktalks!
/ Dewey: I hope the parents don't mind my choices. / Cathy: Hey, every time someone homeschools their kid, it's less work for me!
/ Dewey: I'll keep them coming then! / Cathy: You know... you could booktalk to me anytime.
/ [[Dewey looks perplexed.]] http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20030915 |
| Tuesday, September 16, 2003 | [[Cathy's head fills the strip. Dewey's voice can be heard in the background.]]
/ Dewey: Which is better, "Farscape" or "Firefly"?
/ Cathy: Are those bands? Because I don't listen to much new stuff. / Dewey: What's your favorite cartoon?
/ Cathy: Um . . . Snoopy? / Dewey: Do you watch ANY TV?
/ Cathy: I watch . . . the news. / [[the scene shifts to include Dewey]]
/ Dewey: So you like fiction. That's a start.
/ Cathy: [[throwing up her hands in exasperation]] I just want to have dinner with you! http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20030916 |
| Wednesday, September 17, 2003 | Cathy: Hey, I'm "up" on the "pop culture"!
/ Dewey: Here's a hint: if you're "quoting" it, you're probably not "up" on it. / Cathy: Does every woman who asks you out have to go through this?
/ Dewey: I just think two people should be on the same wavelength. / Cathy: When different wavelengths combine you get a brighter light.
/ Dewey: No, you get a different color. Brightness is a function of amplitude. http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20030917 |
| Thursday, September 18, 2003 | [[In the library]]
/ Tamara: How was your booktalk?
/ Dewey: The teacher hit on me in a major way. / Tamara: Was she cute?
/ Dewey: I guess. But not my type. / Tamara: Let me guess. You got all Steve Gutenberg from "Diner."
/ Dewey: I did *not* get... Hey! Nice pop culture reference. / Tamara: Thanks, but I'm busy tonight.
/ Dewey: No, no. That was purely platonic. http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20030918 |
| Friday, September 19, 2003 | [[Dewey and a patron are standing in front of a computer]] / Patron: I just saved $15 by shopping around on the web!
/ Dewey: Really? How long did that take you? / Patron: Um, about three hours.
/ Dewey: So, how could you have spent your time better? / Patron: Flipping burgers at McDonalds? / [[Later]] / Mel: That's odd. Computer usage is way down.
/ Dewey: Slow news day. http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20030919 |
| Saturday, September 20, 2003 | Merv: I hear humans only use 15% of their brains.
/ Dewey: I hear that too. / [[Merv is listening to headphones, using the mouse of a computer, holding a book open, and watching a DVD player]]
/ Mel: I'm sure there's a reasonable explanation for this, and equally sure I don't want to hear it.
/ Dewey: 65%. Can you play a GameBoy with your feet? http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20030920 |
| Sunday, September 21, 2003 | Cathy: Hey, Dewey!
/ Dewey: Hi...Ms. Reed. / Cathy: There aren't any students around. You can call me "Cathy."
/ Dewey: Right...Will you excuse me for a moment? / [[Cathy waits]] / [[Dewey is back with Merv]]
/ Dewey: Sorry about the interruption, Ms. Reed. http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20030921 |
| Monday, September 22, 2003 | Mel: Dewey, it's Banned Books Week!
/ Dewey: Okay. / Mel: Well?
/ Dewey: Was I supposed to buy you something? / Mel: No! This is the week we highlight the dangers of censorship! / Dewey: So you're supposed to buy ME something?
/ Mel: Tamara, it's Banned Books Week!
/ Tamara: I know. Somebody sent me flowers. http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20030922 |
| Tuesday, September 23, 2003 | Patron: I heard it was banned books week. I'd like to ban this book.
/ Dewey: Well, it's not that simple... / Mel: Wait, Dewey, this is a great idea! This week let's MAKE it that simple! Let's highlight censorship's slippery slope! / Dewey [[tossing book]]: Okay, it's banned. I'm sure you have a good reason.
/ Patron: It's three months overdue. http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20030923 |
| Wednesday, September 24, 2003 | [[Merv is at the reference desk talking to Dewey]]
/ Merv: I want to ban this book. / Dewey: Isn't this assigned reading for your class?
/ Merv: Maybe. / Dewey: And do you perhaps have a paper due in the near future?
/ Merv: Very near. / [[Dewey, smiling, tosses book behind him.]]
/ Dewey: This is what public service is all about. http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20030924 |
| Thursday, September 25, 2003 | Middle aged man pointing at book: I don't like the font.
/ Teenager holding book up to face: The poetry doesn't rhyme.
/ Woman holding book: My ex-husband wrote it. / Mel: How's our experiment in banned books going?
/ Dewey: I'm not sure they're taking it seriously.
/ Teenaged girl: This book is too heavy. Can I just ban the last half? http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20030925 |
| Friday, September 26, 2003 | [[Tamara and Mel look at pile of book next to sign HAVE YOU BANNED A BOOK TODAY?]]
/ Tamara: Wow! Look at all the books people have banned this week! / Tamara: "Divorce Made Simple." The note says "Misleading title." / Tamara: ...but then I guess you knew that.
/ Mel: "Simpile" my foot! [[tossing book over her shoulder]] http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20030926 |
| Saturday, September 27, 2003 | [[Dewey and male patron walking]]
/ Patron: Where did all the books go?
/ Dewey [[pointing]]: They're over there. / [Patron looks at bookcase while Dewey stands back with his arms crossed]]
/ Patron: Your library only has three books?
/ Dewey: The rest got banned. We had a special this week. / [[Patron looks over his shoulder at Dewey]]
/ Patron: But that's terrible!
/ Dewey: That's the point. / [[Patron passing Dewey a book]]
/ Patron: Actually I always hated this book. Can I...? http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20030927 |
| Sunday, September 28, 2003 | [[Mel, on the phone with Dewey listening.]]
/ Mel: Uh huh. No, I understand. Yes, we're glad to help. / Mel:There was a double booking. The psychic fair is going to be here.
/ Dewey: Shouldn't someone have seen this coming? / [[Mel walks away from Dewey who has his arms crossed in front of him.]] / Mel: Are you going to be like this all week?
/ Dewey: Signs...point...to...yes!
/ [[Dewey holds his hands up to his head, concentrating.]] http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20030928 |
| Monday, September 29, 2003 | Psychic: Thanks for letting us hold our psychic fair here!
/ Mel: Well, the library is here to serve the community.
/ Dewey: Yeah, the community of really gullible people. / Mel: Aren't you the one who had the Korean witch doctor fixing our computers?
/ Dewey: That was cultural outreach. / Mel: I'm supposed to believe that?
/ Merv: Hew Dewey, the vending machine's out of kim chee again. http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20030929 |
| Tuesday, September 30, 2003 | Ed: Hi, I'm Ed. I communicate with spirits!
/ Tamara: Really? What do they say? / Ed: They tell me you're going out with me tonight.
/ Tamara: Well they couldn't be more wrong. / Ed: Dinner?
/ Tamara: No way.
/ Ed: Coffee?
/ Tamara: Not if you were the last psychic on earth.
/ Old lady: Maybe they were talking about ME! http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20030930 |
| Wednesday, October 01, 2003 | [[Collen and Dewey talk to a bearded man in front of a sign saying Psychic Fair.]]
/ Colleen: Roulette. I like playing roulette.
/ Man: Put it all on 87.
/ Dewey: Are you taking this guy seriously? / Man: Ah, here is one who does not suffer fools gladly.
/ Dewey: Your powers of observation are truly astonishing. / Man: You keep your distance with sarcasm, but you have already met your match.
/ Dewey: Great. Now watch me keep my distance via "distance".
/ Colleen: How about keno? http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20031001 |
| Thursday, October 02, 2003 | [[At Psychic Fair]]
/ Merv: what's your gig?
/ Bald man: I can predict the future, but only in a specific way. / Merv: How specific?
/ Bald man: I can tell you what's on T.V. tonight. / Merv: Um...
/ Bald man: "Angel" is a repeat.
/ Buddy [[checking the TV Guide]]: It's AMAZING! He's right every time! http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20031002 |
| Friday, October 03, 2003 | [[Mel raises a hand and appears to step forward as Dewey restrains her by putting a hand on one shoulder. Part of the "Psychic Fair" sign is visible in the background.]]
/ Psychic: Now I will bend this spoon with my mind!
/ Mel: This has gone too far.
/ Dewey: Wait, let him do it. / Psychic: Here goes!
/ Mel: I thought you didn't believe this stuff?
/ Dewey: I don't. / [[Mel and Dewey watch, in silhouette.]] / Psychic: Just give me a minute.
/ Merv: You were right. Slipping him a different spoon did the trick.
/ Dewey: James Randi would be proud.
/ Mel: You have a mentor? http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20031003 |
| Saturday, October 04, 2003 | Patron: I just want to know how to fix the alternator!
/ Dewey: And I can help you as soon as you tell me the engine size. / [[Colleen approaches Patron and Dewey]]
/ Patron: Bigger than a Bread Box. How should I know?
/ Dewey: Try looking in your manual. / [[Patron has left. Mel approaches with wood and nail structure]]
/ Colleen: Like you've ever read a manual.
/ Dewey: I just have an affinity for making things work.
/ Mel: Dewey, are you sure you assembled this correctly? http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20031004 |
| Sunday, October 05, 2003 | Dewey [[to a patron]]: That's North of the mall. / Dewey [[to another patron]]: Just South of the mall. / Dewey [[to yet another patron]]: Half a mile past the mall, on your right. / [[Tamara and Dewey at information desk. Merv and boy looking away]]
/ Tamara: We're so lucky to have a landmark to navigate by! It's like our own North Star!
/ Dewey: More like "Death Star."
/ Merv: That's no small moon, that's a mall! http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20031005 |
| Monday, October 06, 2003 | [[Merv with gavel. Mel approaching]]
/ Merv: As President of Friends of the Mallville Library I hereby...
/ Mel: Wait! Who made you president? / Merv: There was a vote among all dues-paying members, as noted in the minutes. / Mel: There are *Dues*?
/ Merv: Yes. And I'm the only one who paid any. / [[Merv, Mel and Colleen at table. Mel looking to Colleen]]
/ Mel: There are *dues*?
/ Colleen: I keep telling you: read the fine print. http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20031006 |
| Tuesday, October 07, 2003 | [[Mel and Merv]]
/ Mel: Okay Merv, you're running Friends of the Mallville Library. What do you want?
/ Merv: More gross. / Mel [[hands on hips]]: "Gross"? Like "gross revenue"?
/ Merv [[holding "Our Friend the Slug" book]]: No, like "gross slime trails." / [[Mel kneeling in front of seated Ned]]
/ Mel: Please join the friends! I'll pay your dues!
/ Ned: You can't buy my vote. Or, hold on, it's a free market. Yes you can. http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20031007 |
| Wednesday, October 08, 2003 | [[Mel and Merv standing in front of a shelf of books. A group of patrons stand behind Mel.]]
/ Mel: Meet the new dues-paying friends of the Mallville Library.
/ Merv: This must have cost you a pretty penny. / Mel: It's worth it. We voted and you're out as president.
/ Merv: So, the game takes an interesting turn. You are indeed a worthy opponent. / [[Mel turns to continue talking to Merv, who has left the frame. Dewey enters the frame to see what all the commotion is.]]
/ Mel: I'm an adult! This is not a game! I'm not your opponent!
/ Dewey: So, what sort of game are you and Merv playing? http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20031008 |
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