You're browsing the archives of Unshelved.
You can search these comics too.
show: [ full transcriptions | abridged transcriptions | just the first line ]
|Wednesday, June 11, 2003||Mel: Sir, this book is covered with fingerprints! / Patron: Sorry, I forgot to wash my hands after they booked me. / Mel: After they...? / Patron: Yeah. My lawyer's so good I was out before the ink was dry! / Mel: Anything ... serious? / Patron: You haven't heard? Give me your name. I'll submit you for the jury pool!|
|Thursday, June 12, 2003||Mel: Remember, you're at the information desk all day tomorrow. / Dewey: Colleen's vacations cramp my style. / Tamara: Work cramps your style. / Dewey: Yeah, but I've set my expectations accordingly. / Mel: Yes, low expectations are key. / Tamara: Not me. Every day I wake up and expect my dreams to come true! / [[In the foreground Buddy is studying the blueprints for the new library]]|
|Friday, June 13, 2003||Mel: Good morning, Dewey! / Dewey: Hey, Mel. / Dewey: Any luck getting the budget... Mel? Are you okay? / Tamara: Morning everyone! What are you looking at? / Tamara: That's funny. The library looks different. / Mel: The library looks completely different! / Dewey: Cool! We're in an alternate universe!|
|Saturday, June 14, 2003||Mel: It's just like the blueprints! / Tamara: It's just like a miracle! / Dewey: It's just like a bad episode of Sliders! / Mel: I can't believe it! / Tamara: I can't understand it! / Dewey: Of course, every episode of Sliders was bad...|
|Sunday, June 15, 2003||Mel: Buddy? You remodeled the whole library by yourself? / Buddy: I had help with the dry walling. / Mel: I didn't even know you were a contractor! / Buddy [[hands her a card]]: I'm not, per se. But I have one of these. / Mel [[reading the card]]: "Artistic License" / Tamara: Who are you calling? / Dewey: Mira Sorvino. I figure, dream sequence, I ought to go for it.|
|Monday, June 16, 2003||Mel: Colleen, welcome back! / Colleen: Last time I went on vacation you hired a giant talking beaver! / Mel: True... / Colleen: Now you remodel the whole library? / Mel: Funny story there, it was actually done by... / Colleen: I'm never taking vacation again. / Mel: It was just a coincidence! / Dewey: Can I have her days off? I don't care what you do when I'm gone.|
|Tuesday, June 17, 2003||Tamara: Buddy, I heard you did this? Remodeled the library? / Buddy: Yeah, I did it for... / Tamara: I don't care why you did it. I'm just grateful. [[kisses him on the head]] / Merv: Is it legal to kiss a rodent?|
|Wednesday, June 18, 2003||Tamara: Everyone seems to like the new library! / Mel: Who'd have thought Buddy could make so many people happy? / Patron 1: I swear-- the large print books were right here yesterday! / Patron 2: Let's get you back to the home, Grandma-- it's time to change your medication.|
|Thursday, June 19, 2003||[[At the desk]] / Woman 1: Do you have sea stories for nauseated preschoolers? / Man: Mystery novels for children of alcoholics? / Woman 2: Books on boating for home-schooled zoroastrians? / Mel: Maybe we need MORE more specific collections. / Dewey: What, and encourage them?|
|Friday, June 20, 2003||[[The books are sorted into catagories such as "Hedgehogs in Peril", "Elvis Impersonations by the Handicapped", and "How to Draw Your Mother Eating Soup"]] / Dewey: You said we needed to be even more specific! / Mel: I was hoping you'd be SLIGHTLY realistic. / Boy [[next to "The Movies of Ted Danson"]]: I didn't know "Three Men and a Little Lady" was on DVD!|
|Saturday, June 21, 2003||[[Dewey is reading at the desk. Angry Woman comes along]] / [[Dewey puts down the book]] / Dewey: Can I help you? / Angry Woman: Reading on the job? That's nice work if you can get it. / Dewey: It is. But you have to be a people person, and I'm guessing you're not.|
|Sunday, June 22, 2003||[[Buddy and Dewey are typing, Buddy slowly and Dewey quickly]] / Buddy: Wow! How fast do you type? / Dewey: I have no idea. As fast as I think, I guess. / Buddy: Hey, me too!|
|Monday, June 23, 2003||Merv: Thanks for taking me out for ice cream, Dewey! / Dewey: I'm rewarding a member of my teen advisory board. On the hottest day of the year. / Merv: Wait a second, you're on the clock? / Dewey: Thanks for reminding me. We need to talk about books on the way.|
|Tuesday, June 24, 2003||[[Dewey and Merv at the Mallville Ice Cream Shop]] / Merv [[covering his ears with his hands]]: I don't want to hear about that book! It's a girl's diary! / Dewey: But that's why you'd like *Sloppy Firsts*! / Dewey: [[Pointing at ice cream] Uh, one scoop. Chocolate. / Ice Cream Jerk:[[Wearing eye patch]] What'll you have, Matey? / Merv: I'm looking around for the parrot. Or the hidden camera|
|Wednesday, June 25, 2003||Dewey: Uh-oh. Follow my lead. / Mel: Dewey? Aren't you on duty? / Dewey: I hope you learned something, Merv. / Merv: From now on you'll never find me without a library book in my hands! / Mel: You don't have one now. / Dewey: He doesn't want to get ice cream on it. / Merv: I'm all about respect for public property!|
|Thursday, June 26, 2003||Dewey [[punching doll]]: Check this out! It talks when you pound it!
/ Sumo doll: I'm going to knock you for a roop! / Dewey: Press his tattoo and he says it in japanese!
/ Sumo doll: <
|Friday, June 27, 2003||Dewey: I've told you before: Don't kill your friends at the library! / Dewey: If you're going to act like that, wait until you go home. / Dewey: Once you're out of the building you can kill everyone for all I care. / Merv: But I need their weapons to defeat the dragon! / Dewey: I don't know why you waste your time on that stupid game.|
|Saturday, June 28, 2003||Local author: I'm a local author. I'd like to donate my book to the library. / [[Collen at reference desk]] / Colleen: Uh, is this it? / Local author: Yes. Well, the first half. / Colleen: We can't... / Local author: I'll staple it together after it finishes printing. / Merv: Printer's out of paper again.|
|Sunday, June 29, 2003||Tamara: Mrs. D? My grade-school librarian? / Mrs. D: I was weeding our collection and found this. / [[She hands Tamara "Jacob Two-Two Meets the Hooded Fang"]] / Mrs. D: It was one of your favorites so I wanted you to have it. / [[She is leaving]] / Tamara: I loved it! But how did you find me? / Mrs. D: Don't underestimate school librarians, dear. Bye!|
|Monday, June 30, 2003||[[Pregnant patron approaches help desk, Dewey at computer]] / Patron: Where is the storytime? / Dewey: In the meeting room. / Patron: For what ages is it appropriate? / Dewey: It says "all ages," but I'm not sure you qualify. / Patron: I assure you I have an age!! / [[Patron walks off angrily, Dewey and Mel at computers at help desk]] / Dewey: Hormones / Mel: I'll pretend you didn't say that.|
|Tuesday, July 01, 2003||Patron: I want to eat healthier. How can I identify foods grown with no pesticides? / Dewey: Look for bugs. Insects = no pesticides. / Patron: That's my only choice? / Dewey: Take your pick: maggots or cancer. / [[Patron is in background, Tamara looks indignantly at Dewey while he shelves books.]] / Tamara: Or he could just look for food with an "organic" label!|
|Wednesday, July 02, 2003||Patron: Where are the good books? / Dewey: That's a matter of taste. / Patron: I just don't want to waste my time. / Dewey: As opposed to mine. / Patron: What did you say? / Dewey: I'm opposed to land mines. / Tamara: You're walking a fine line. / Dewey: Nah. I can spot a hearing aid a mile away.|
|Bang||[[A woman sitting at a computer, Dewey standing behind her]]
/ Patron: I don't understand! What do you want me to do?
/ Dewey: Go ahead and bang your head into the monitor. It will work as well as anything. / [[Tamara on the left, Dewey on the right standing at the circulation desk]]
/ Tamara: You just love it when they're hard of hearing, don't you?
/ Dewey: She's not hard of hearing.
|Friday, July 04, 2003||[[Dewey in stacks with a patron, book in hand.]] / Dewey: This is one of my favorite books! / Patron: Hmmm... / Dewey: Plus you'd look really smart carrying it around! / [[Mel talking to Dewey at the desk, patron leaving with book]] / Mel: Wow, book circulation is way up this month!|
|Saturday, July 05, 2003||[[Dewey is on the phone with a patron.]] / Patron on phone: Hi, do you have the blue book? / Dewey: Sure, used auto prices, right? / Patron on phone: No, the blue book! It's BLUE! / [[Dewey looking at all of the stacks of books in the library.]] / Dewey: Okay, you're looking for a blue book. Can you be more specific? / [[Dewey talking to Mel.]] / Dewey: . . . and it turns out the pages are WHITE! / Mel: You still shouldn't have told her we're closed until 2006.|
|Sunday, July 06, 2003||Little boy in carseat: Mama I don't feel so good. / Mother [[driving]]: I can't stop right now. Find a sack or something. / Little boy [[holding up bag]]: But all I have is your book bag! / [[Dewey is standing next to a box labeled RETURN BOOKS HERE, peering dubiously into the same bag.]]|
|Monday, July 07, 2003||[[Mother shows baby to Dewey in great distress]] / Mother: Diaper! / Dewey: Diaper? / Mother: Diaper! / Dewey: Yeah, it should be pretty absorbent. / [[Dewey has cut two leg holes in a book and stuck the baby in the book]]|
|Tuesday, July 08, 2003||Library tip #18: Librarianship is a science / Mel: You can't throw out _Thumbelina_! / Dewey: Then I get to keep the _Highlander_ novelizations!|
|Wednesday, July 09, 2003||[[Mel is bending down, pointing to a motion detector's light beam.]] / Mel: This is our new people counter! It beeps once for every patron! We'll track our busiest times and adjust the desk schedule accordingly! / [[People counter beeps continuously as a steady stream of patrons enters the library]] / [[Dewey speaks to Mel as the counter continues to beep.]] / Dewey: Only one patron right now? I'm going on break.|
<< 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20
21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 37 38 39 40
41 42 43 44 45 46 47 48 49 50 51 52 53 54 55 56 57 58 59 60
61 62 63 64 65 66 67 68 69 70 71 72 73 74 75 76 77 78 79 80
81 82 83 84 85 86 87 88 89 90 91 92 93 94 95 96 97 98 99 100
101 102 103 104 105 106 107 108 109 110 111 112 113 114 115 116 117 118 119 120
121 122 123 124 125 126 127 128 129 130 131 >>