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| Achewood - December 15, 2004 | [[Roast Beef sits in a chair, Ray stands by him]]
/ Ray: Why you watchin' the Spice channel with closed captioning on, Beef? / Roast Beef: Check it out Ray this is interesting
/ Roast Beef: Don't the transcriber's style sound familiar to you / [[Closeup of television captioning]]
/ Captioning: ...IT WAS TO THE WOMAN'S GREAT SURPRISE THAT THE PIZZA DELIVERY MAN HAD MODIFIED THE PIE'S BOX SO AS TO CREATE AN AFFORDANCE FOR HIS EXCITED MEMBER. / Captioning: ERE LONG THE PIE LAY UNCONSUMED ON THE TABLE, THE COUPLE HAVING BECOME VIGOROUSLY ENSCONSCED IN DEVILRY. OH, TO WITNESS THE THRILL OF IT!
/ Ray: Huh! that sounds like how Cornelius writes! / [[Ray talks into phone]]
/ Ray: Hey Cornelius! you writin' the captions for the Spice channel these days? / [[closeup of TV captioning]]
/ Captioning: "YES RAY," SHE MOANED. "OH, AND WHILE WE'RE AT IT, ARE YOU UP FOR A BIT OF POOL LATER THIS WEEK?" http://achewood.com/index.php?date=12152004 |
| Achewood - December 15, 2006 | Ray: The way mom tells it, Rustmouth was a bitter man, soured on beer, and given to claims.
/ Lyle: Like what?
/ Ray: A few scholarly works state that he claims to have had the first group sex in America -- though recently unearthed wax recordings have him saying that he didn't much like it. Here, I have 'em on my iPod.
/ < http://achewood.com/index.php?date=12152006 |
| Achewood - December 15, 2006 | {Alt Text: Antoyne Cheops, Man of Claims.}
/ [[Ray sits at his desk, Lyle standing before him with his usual bottle of Jack]]
/ Ray: The way mom tells it, Rustmouth was a bitter man, soured on beer, and given to claims.
/ Lyle: Like what? / Ray: A few scholarly works state that he claims to have had the first group sex in America -- though recently unearthed wax recordings have him saying that he didn't much like it. Here, I have 'em on my iPod.
/ < http://achewood.com/index.php?date=12152006 |
| Achewood - December 15, 2006 | Ray: The way mom tells it, Rustmouth was a bitter man, soured on beer, and given to claims.
/ Lyle: Like what? / Ray: A few scholarly works state that he claims to have had the first group sex in America -- though recently unearthed wax recordings have him saying that he didn't much like it. Here, I have 'em on my iPod. / < http://achewood.com/index.php?date=12152006 |
| Achewood - December 15, 2006 | Ray: The way mom tells it, Rustmouth was a bitter man, soured on beer, and given to claims.
/ Lyle: Like what? / Ray: A few scholarly works state that he claims to have had the first group sex in America — though recently unearthed wax recordings have him saying that he didn't much like it. Here, I have 'em on my iPod.
/ < http://achewood.com/index.php?date=12152006 |
| Antonyne Cheops, Man of Claims | [[Ray and Lyle, in Ray's office.]]
/ Ray: The way mom tells it, Rustmouth was a bitter man, soured on beer, and given to claims.
/ Lyle: Like what? / Ray: A few scholarly works state that he claims to have had the first group sex in America -- though recently unearthed wax recordings have him saying that he didn't much like it. Here, I have 'em on my iPod. / < http://achewood.com/index.php?date=12152006 |
| Achewood - December 15, 2006 | [[Ray is sitting at his desk. Lyle is sitting on the other side, holding a bottle of drink.]]
/ Ray: The way mom tells it, Rustmouth was a bitter man, soured on beer, and given to claims.
/ Lyle: Like what? / [[Ray reaches under the desk.]]
/ Ray: A few scholarly works state that he claims to have had the first group sex in America -- though recently unearthed wax recordings have him saying that he didn't much like it. Here, I have 'em on my iPod.
/ < http://achewood.com/index.php?date=12152006 |
| Achewood - December 15, 2006 | Ray: The way mom tells it, Rustmouth was a bitter man, soured on beer, and given to claims.
/ Lyle: Like what? / Ray: A few scholarly works state that he claims to have had the first group sex in America -- though recently unearthed wax recordings have him saying that he didn't much like it. Here, I have 'em on my iPod.
/ < http://achewood.com/index.php?date=12152006 |
| a class="searchlink" href="http://achewood.com/index.php?date=12152008">http://achewood.com/index.php?date=12152008 | [untranscribed - please consider transcribing this comic!] |
| Achewood - December 16, 2002 | [[Ray and Roast Beef are driving]]
/ Ray: Hey hey! Looks like we finally found downtown! / [[A dancing santa is in the car incessantly singing Twist and Shout]]
/ Roast Beef: Maybe you should put the pants back on the dancin' Santa / Ray: Oh! Right-- / [[Ray sees a sign for Haunches: Hof Brau - Dancers]]
/ Ray: Say, this place looks good! Pull over, Beef! / {{Alt Text: there's a lotta stuff can go wrong at Haunches}} http://achewood.com/index.php?date=12162002 |
| Achewood - December 16, 2002 | [[Signs on buildings:
/ SUZY WOO'S full massage
/ LUCCHESI'S SPORTS BOOK
/ FATBUXX CHECK CASHING 24 HOURS]]
/ Ray: (off-panel) Hey hey! Looks like we finally found downtown! / [[Ray and Roast Beef in the car. The Dancing Santa is standing on the dashboard, pants gone.]]
/ < http://achewood.com/index.php?date=12162002 |
| Achewood - December 16, 2003 | [[ROAST BEEF is in a phone booth]]
/ ROAST BEEF: What in the heck was that all about then
/ Phillippe is not usually rather rude / [[ROAST BEEF is back in his 1982 Subaru Brat]]
/ RB: Ooh dang maybe that's Ray's car / http://achewood.com/index.php?date=12162003 |
| Achewood - December 16, 2003 | [[ROAST BEEF is in a phone booth, having finished his disappointing phone call to Phillippe]]
/ ROAST BEEF: What in the heck was that all about then
/ Phillippe is not usually rather rude / [[ROAST BEEF is back in his 1982 Subaru Brat, driving past a hotel]]
/ Roast Beef: Ooh dang maybe that's Ray's car / [[ROAST BEEF parks his Subaru Brat next to the mystery Subaru Brat]]
/ http://achewood.com/index.php?date=12162003 |
| Achewood - December 16, 2004 | [[Cornelius is in bed, talking on the phone. A keyboard sits on his lap]]
/ Cornelius: Well, as you know, I'm on bed rest while I recover from the shooting. / Cornelius: The Spice Channel was kind enough to outfit me with a wireless keyboard so that I can transcribe the shows in real-time from the comfort of my duvet. / [[Ray is on the phone]]
/ Ray (giving thumb's up): Plus, your job is to watch porno all day!
/ Nice work landin' THAT gig! / [[Cornelius in bed]]
/ Cornelius: Truthfully, Ray, the endless parade of mechanical sex becomes rather dull rather quickly. / [[Ray on the phone]]
/ Ray (giving a thumb's down): Oh, so you don't like it? / [[Cornelius in bed]]
/ Cornelius: I shouldn't grouse. There are worse way of making a living, I suppose. / [[Taco Bell. A customer holds a taco in Molly's face, yelling. She looks frightened]]
/ Customer: I asked for Ranchero sauce on this taco you stupid goddamned bitch!
/ MANAGER! http://achewood.com/index.php?date=12162004 |
| Achewood - December 16, 2004 | [[Cornelius is in bed, talking on the phone. A keyboard sits on his lap]]
/ Cornelius: Well, as you know, I'm on bed rest while I recover from the shooting. / Cornelius: The Spice Channel was kind enough to outfit me with a wireless keyboard so that I can transcribe the shows in real-time from the comfort of my duvet. / [[Ray is on the phone]]
/ Ray (giving thumb's up): Plus, your job is to watch porno all day!
/ Nice work landin' THAT gig! / [[Cornelius in bed]]
/ Cornelius: Truthfully, Ray, the endless parade of mechanical sex becomes rather dull rather quickly. / [[Ray on the phone]]
/ Ray (giving a thumb's down): Oh, so you don't like it? / [[Cornelius in bed]]
/ Cornelius: I shouldn't grouse. There are worse way of making a living, I suppose. / [[Taco Bell. A customer holds a taco in Molly's face, yelling. She looks frightened]]
/ Customer: I asked for Ranchero sauce on this taco you stupid goddamned bitch!
/ MANAGER! http://achewood.com/index.php?date=12162004 |
| Achewood - December 16, 2005 | [[Ray and Roast Beef sit in armchairs]]
/ Ray: Sheesh. Remember just watchin' Mr. Wizard? I never gave diabetes a thought back then, man. But now. / Roast Beef: Dogg you ain't even got diabetes you just predisposed to it 'cause you eat a wedge of brie in the manner of pie / Ray: But I'm French! French dudes can get away with that stuff! It shouldn't be a problem! / Roast Beef: French dudes also walk several miles each way to buy an artichoke or a fig / Roast Beef: Last I checked you'd circle for twenty extra minutes just to get a parkin' spot directly in front of the store / Ray: You're sayin' I park like a bitch! I ain't park like a bitch! Retract, dude! Retract. / Roast Beef: Oh man you totally park like a bitch since forever You park like a bitchy-bitch bitch-bitch You park like you are the main bitch in all the land / Ray: Huh?! Man, this is totally outta left field! I'm goin', "What?" / Roast Beef: Seriously when men see your car-parking technique they go "I bet I have no chance with a bitch as nasty as that" But when you get out of the car the men go huh I guess it was no bitch at all just a bitchy-bitch bitch man http://achewood.com/index.php?date=12162005 |
| Ray Parks Like A Bitch | [[Ray and Roast Beef sit in armchairs]]
/ Ray: Sheesh. Remember just watchin' Mr. Wizard? I never gave diabetes a thought back then, man. But now. / Roast Beef: Dogg you ain't even got diabetes you just predisposed to it 'cause you eat a wedge of brie in the manner of pie / Ray: But I'm French! French dudes can get away with that stuff! It shouldn't be a problem! / Roast Beef: French dudes also walk several miles each way to buy an artichoke or a fig / Roast Beef: Last I checked you'd circle for twenty extra minutes just to get a parkin' spot directly in front of the store / Ray: You're sayin' I park like a bitch! I ain't park like a bitch! Retract, dude! Retract. / Roast Beef: Oh man you totally park like a bitch since forever You park like a bitchy-bitch bitch-bitch You park like you are the main bitch in all the land / Ray: Huh?! Man, this is totally outta left field! I'm goin', "What?" / Roast Beef: Seriously when men see your car-parking technique they go "I bet I have no chance with a bitch as nasty as that" But when you get out of the car the men go huh I guess it was no bitch at all just a bitchy-bitch bitch man / {{alt-text: Little Darwin fish emblem with the word BITCH inside}} http://achewood.com/index.php?date=12162005 |
| Achewood - December 16, 2005 | [[Ray and Roast Beef sit in armchairs]]
/ Ray: Sheesh. Remember just watchin' Mr. Wizard? I never gave diabetes a thought back then. But now, man. But now. / Roast Beef: Dogg you ain't even got diabetes you just predisposed to it 'cause you eat a wedge of brie in the manner of pie / Ray: But I'm French! French dudes can get away with that stuff! It shouldn't be a problem! / Roast Beef: French dudes also walk several miles each way to buy an artichoke or a fig / Roast Beef: Last I checked you'd circle for twenty extra minutes just to get a parkin' spot directly in front of the store / Ray: You're sayin' I park like a bitch! I ain't park like a bitch! Retract, dude! Retract. / Roast Beef: Oh man you totally park like a bitch since forever You park like a bitchy-bitch bitch-bitch You park like you are the main bitch in all the land / Ray: Huh?! Man, this is totally outta left field! I'm goin', "What?" / Roast Beef: Seriously when men see your car-parking technique they go "I bet I have no chance with a bitch as nasty as that" But when you get out of the car the men go huh I guess it was no bitch at all just a bitchy-bitch bitch man http://achewood.com/index.php?date=12162005 |
| Téodor's New Look | [[Lyle stands in front of the bathroom door and knocks twice]]
/ Lyle: So, Téodor, heard from Penny lately? / [[Téodor speaks unseen from inside the bathroom]]
/ Téodor: She's at her sister's house in Berkeley. She said they might swing by here later on. / [[Lyle is surprised]]
/ Lyle: Wow!
/ Téodor: Whatever. Leave me alone, Lyle. / Lyle: That must be why I saw that bottle of mousse in there this morning
/ Téodor: Take a hike. / Lyle: Gotta look good for your Penny!
/ [[Téodor gets annoyed]]
/ Téodor: I'm trying to concentrate! Go bug someone else. / [[Cut to Téodor in the bathroom admiring his new style in the mirror and comparing it with a comic book he is holding]]
/ Téodor: Word up! I look just like Archie! http://achewood.com/index.php?date=12172001 |
| Téodor's New Look | [[Lyle stands in front of the bathroom door and knocks twice.]]
/ Lyle: So, Téodor, heard from Penny lately?
/ < http://achewood.com/index.php?date=12172001 |
| Téodor's New Look | [[Lyle stands in front of the bathroom door and knocks twice]]
/ Lyle: So, Téodor, heard from Penny lately? / [[Téodor speaks unseen from inside the bathroom]]
/ Téodor: She's at her sister's house in Berkeley. She said they might swing by here later on. / [[Lyle is surprised]]
/ Lyle: Wow!
/ Téodor: Whatever. Leave me alone, Lyle. / Lyle: That must be why I saw that bottle of mousse in there this morning
/ Téodor: Take a hike. / Lyle: Gotta look good for your Penny!
/ [[Téodor gets annoyed]]
/ Téodor: I'm trying to concentrate! Go bug someone else. / [[Cut to Téodor in the bathroom admiring his new style in the mirror and comparing it with a comic book he is holding]]
/ Téodor: Word up! I look just like Archie!
/ [[He does.]] http://achewood.com/index.php?date=12172001 |
| Achewood - December 17, 2002 | [[Ray on his cell phone in passenger seat of a car]]
/ Ray: Hey Vlad! You know anything about this club called Haunches?
/ Is it a pretty good club? / [[Vlad on cell phone next to poster of Chuck Norris in Crazy Sunday]]
/ Vlad: Yes, Vlad has lost many nights to the ladies there / [[Ray in car]]
/ Vlad [[on phone]]: Many ladies wake to but single rose and click of closink door / [[Zoom out to Ray in passenger seat with Roast Beef driving]]
/ Vlad [[on phone]]: Also sometimes I am leavink my Yahoo messenger--
/ Ray: Alright! Alright Already! Is this place any good?!
/ Roast Beef: Dang man is he braggin' / [[Close-up of Roast Beef]]
/ Roast Beef [[thinking]]: How do robots get it on anyway / [[Roast Beef's thought bubble of one robot handing another robot an old-fashioned floppy disc that reads DISK ONE OF SIX]]
/ Robot: BABY TONIGHT IS THE NIGHT I MAKE YOU MINE / {{title text: Vlad has been there}} http://achewood.com/index.php?date=12172002 |
| Achewood - December 17, 2002 | [[Ray on his cell phone in passenger seat of a car]]
/ Ray: Hey Vlad! You know anything about this club called Haunches?
/ Ray: Is it a pretty good club? / [[Vlad on cell phone, holding a tankard of beer. Behind him is a poster titled "Chuck Norris in Crazy Sunday" and showing a man aiming a flying kick at a monkey swinging towards him on a rope or vine.]]
/ Vlad: Yes, Vlad has lost many nights to the ladies there / [[Ray in car]]
/ Vlad: (over the phone) Many ladies wake to but single rose and click of closink door / [[Zoom out to Ray in passenger seat with Roast Beef driving]]
/ Vlad: (over the phone) Also sometimes I am leavink my Yahoo messenger--
/ Ray: Alright! Alright Already! Is this place any good?!
/ Roast Beef: Dang man is he braggin' / [[Close-up of Roast Beef]]
/ Roast Beef: (thinks) How do robots get it on anyway / [[Roast Beef's thought bubble of one robot handing another robot an old-fashioned floppy disc that reads DISK ONE OF SIX]]
/ Robot: BABY TONIGHT IS THE NIGHT I MAKE YOU MINE / {{title text: Vlad has been there}}
/ {{Archive title: DISK ONE OF SIX}} http://achewood.com/index.php?date=12172002 |
| Achewood - December 17, 2003 | Roast Beef: Well would you look at that
/ Roast Beef: Classic Ray
/ Roast Beef: Old School all the way
/ Roast Beef: Good thing I saw that 7-11
/ Roast Beef: V8, Miller Lite and raw egg
/ Roast Beef: There is balm in Gilead http://achewood.com/index.php?date=12172003 |
| Achewood - December 17, 2007 | [[By the bathroom door. A funk is wafting through the keyhole.]]
/ Cornelius: Oh, lord.
/ Teodor: What's the matter? / Cornelius: Lyle is hogging our sole restroom once again, and once again he has not "courtesy flushed."
/ Teodor: I thought only women courtesy flushed. / Cornelius: His lavatory mist evokes tripe boiled in bourbon and misspent nights with the business end of a naive but well-greased pepper mill. I would trade all that for a woman after only the briefest assessments of her character. / Teodor: Maybe we can hire a woman to teach Lyle how to use the bathroom in a way that doesn't hurt others. / Cornelius: Perhaps we might engage Molly's services?
/ Teodor: Well, I know she's had worse gigs, and Beef does want a pretty big new monitor for Christmas. / [[Molly holds a clipboard and pen.]]
/ Molly: Okay, Lyle. You've already "imprinted" this house, so, for two weeks, ONLY use the corner gas station. You need to retrain your housemates.
/ Lyle: Like Clockwork Orange, but with more crappin' at the gas station and less eye clamps! I getcha! http://achewood.com/index.php?date=12172007 |
| Achewood - December 18, 2001 (A dangerously good haircut) | Todd: Hey Teodor, I heard your lady friend was comin' into town!
/ Teodor: Yeah, hopefully tonight. / Todd: Izzat why your hair's all done up fancy?
/ Teodor: ...does it remind you of anyone? / Todd: Yeah! It looks just like Archie! You look frikkin' awesome!
/ Teodor: Really? You could tell right away? / Todd: There's no better haircut you could have if you was after the babes!
/ Teodor: Hm. Do you think it might be TOO awesome? http://achewood.com/index.php?date=12182001 |
| Achewood - December 18, 2001 (A dangerously good haircut) | [[Todd and Téodor together in a room, Todd standing on a counter about eye level with Téodor. Téodor still looks like Archie.]]
/ Todd: Hey Téodor, I heard your lady friend was comin' into town!
/ Téodor: Yeah, hopefully tonight. / Todd: Izzat why your hair's all done up fancy?
/ Téodor: ...does it remind you of anyone? / Todd: Yeah! It looks just like Archie! You look frikkin' awesome!
/ Téodor: Really? You could tell right away? / [[Lines of shock appear over Todd's head; Téodor touches his mouth pensively]]
/ Todd: There's no better haircut you could have if you was after the babes!
/ Téodor: Hm. Do you think it might be TOO awesome? http://achewood.com/index.php?date=12182001 |
| Achewood - December 18, 2001 (A dangerously good haircut) | [[Todd stands on counter and addresses Téodor.]]
/ Todd: Hey Téodor, I heard your lady friend was comin' into town!
/ Téodor: Yeah, hopefully tonight. / Todd: Izzat why your hair's all done up fancy?
/ Téodor: ...does it remind you of anyone? / Todd: Yeah! It looks just like Archie! You look frikkin' awesome!
/ Téodor: Really? You could tell right away? / Todd: There's no better haircut you could have if you was after the babes!
/ Teodor: Hm. Do you think it might be TOO awesome?
/ [[Téodor puts hand to mouth]] http://achewood.com/index.php?date=12182001 |
| Shut the hell up *dick* | Roast Beef; Alright
/ Roast Beef; Red light
/ Roast Beef; Do what you gotta do / [[Ray vomits]]
/ < http://achewood.com/index.php?date=12182003 |
| Shut the hell up *dick* | Roast Beef: Alright
/ Roast Beef: Red light
/ Roast Beef: Do what you gotta do / [[Ray vomits]]
/ < http://achewood.com/index.php?date=12182003 |
| Shut the hell up *dick* | Roast Beef; Alright
/ Roast Beef; Red light
/ Roast Beef; Do what you gotta do / [[Ray vomits]]
/ < http://achewood.com/index.php?date=12182003 |
| Achewood - December 18, 2006 | "See, Lyle, all his life Rustmouth was the quintessential bluesman. Absolutely everything he did was touched by bad luck. He was blessed by that bad luck, in a way. But then along came Silent Bird Wallace and suddenly Rustmouth wasn't the unluckiest man alive any more. Just his luck."
/ "Silent Bird Wallace? I never heard of him."
/ "You wouldn't have. I'll explain.
/ "See now, Rustmouth had bad luck. Some said the worst. He would climb up a tree and find five dollars, only to slip on the money—which was nailed down and greased, just his luck—and need a ten-dollar cast. You see? Straight blues."
/ "Yeah. Damn."
/ "Silent Bird Wallace had had his tongue cut out by a lynch mob when he was ten, and went from town to town to 'sing' his blues via a local clerk or notary. The way it worked was, he had a lyric sheet for them that went along with his guitar playing."
/ "Wow. Hard act to follow."
/ "It wasn't even that. It was the rest of his luck. One show, he'd just wrapped up his last number, a piece about the agony of eating rice, when the barman announced that he had an emergency telephone call from a doctor looking for Bird. The crowd began to chant, and pretty soon the barman was persuaded to patch the call through the saloon's public address system."
/ "What'd the doctor have to say?"
/ "That Bird's check for a wooden tongue had bounced, and he was liable for three times its face value, or five hundred dollars, whichever was more."
/ "Ouch. Poor S.O.B."
/ "That night he tried to commit suicide in his cheap lodging house room, but it was so bare that all he could do was roll off the bed until the people downstairs complained." http://achewood.com/index.php?date=12182006 |
| Achewood - December 18, 2006 | [[The first panel is simply text.]]
/ "See, Lyle, all his life Rustmouth was the quintessential bluesman. Absolutely everything he did was touched by bad luck. He was blessed by that bad luck, in a way. But then along came Silent Bird Wallace and suddenly Rustmouth wasn't the unluckiest man alive any more. Just his luck."
/ "Silent Bird Wallace? I never heard of him."
/ "You wouldn't have. I'll explain.
/ "See now, Rustmouth had bad luck. Some said the worst. He would climb up a tree and find five dollars, only to slip on the money—which was nailed down and greased, just his luck—and need a ten-dollar cast. You see? Straight blues."
/ "Yeah. Damn."
/ "Silent Bird Wallace had had his tongue cut out by a lynch mob when he was ten, and went from town to town to 'sing' his blues via a local clerk or notary. The way it worked was, he had a lyric sheet for them that went along with his guitar playing."
/ "Wow. Hard act to follow."
/ "It wasn't even that. It was the rest of his luck. One show, he'd just wrapped up his last number, a piece about the agony of eating rice, when the barman announced that he had an emergency telephone call from a doctor looking for Bird. The crowd began to chant, and pretty soon the barman was persuaded to patch the call through the saloon's public address system."
/ "What'd the doctor have to say?"
/ "That Bird's check for a wooden tongue had bounced, and he was liable for three times its face value, or five hundred dollars, whichever was more."
/ "Ouch. Poor S.O.B."
/ "That night he tried to commit suicide in his cheap lodging house room, but it was so bare that all he could do was roll off the bed until the people downstairs complained." / [[Top: Ray and Lyle, having the above discussion. Bottom: Rustmouth, singing, in flashback.]]
/ Rustmouth: Oh you knowww, You knowww.
/ Dem bills, dey was greas'd.
/ And so low, on down low, I did fell. / {{Title: Rustmouth's tune is sung to the cadence of Goodnight, Irene.}} http://achewood.com/index.php?date=12182006 |
| Achewood - December 18, 2006 | [[An all-text panel filling the left side of the page, containing Ray's and Lyle's conversation.]]
/ "See, Lyle, all his life Rustmouth was the quintessential bluesman. Absolutely everything he did was touched by bad luck. He was blessed by that bad luck, in a way. But then along came Silent Bird Wallace and suddenly Rustmouth wasn't the unluckiest man alive any more. Just his luck."
/ "Silent Bird Wallace? I never heard of him."
/ "You wouldn't have. I'll explain.
/ "See now, Rustmouth had bad luck. Some said the worst. He would climb up a tree and find five dollars, only to slip on the money—which was nailed down and greased, just his luck—and need a ten-dollar cast. You see? Straight blues."
/ "Yeah. Damn."
/ "Silent Bird Wallace had had his tongue cut out by a lynch mob when he was ten, and went from town to town to 'sing' his blues via a local clerk or notary. The way it worked was, he had a lyric sheet for them that went along with his guitar playing."
/ "Wow. Hard act to follow."
/ "It wasn't even that. It was the rest of his luck. One show, he'd just wrapped up his last number, a piece about the agony of eating rice, when the barman announced that he had an emergency telephone call from a doctor looking for Bird. The crowd began to chant, and pretty soon the barman was persuaded to patch the call through the saloon's public address system."
/ "What'd the doctor have to say?"
/ "That Bird's check for a wooden tongue had bounced, and he was liable for three times its face value, or five hundred dollars, whichever was more."
/ "Ouch. Poor S.O.B."
/ "That night he tried to commit suicide in his cheap lodging house room, but it was so bare that all he could do was roll off the bed until the people downstairs complained." / [[Top right panel showing Ray telling the story to Lyle.]] / [[Bottom right panel showing a blurred picture of Rustmouth playing his guitar and singing.
/ Rustmouth: OH YOU KNOWWW, YOU KNOWWW,
/ DEM BILLS, DEY WAS GREAS'D,
/ AND SO LOW, ON DOWN
/ LOW, I DID FELL. http://achewood.com/index.php?date=12182006 |
| Achewood - December 18, 2006 | Ray: "See, Lyle, all his life Rustmouth was the quintessential bluesman. Absolutely everything he did was touched by bad luck. He was blessed by that bad luck, in a way. But then along came Silent Bird Wallace and suddenly Rustmouth wasn't the unluckiest man alive any more. Just his luck."
/ "Silent Bird Wallace? I never heard of him."
/ "You wouldn't have. I'll explain.
/ "See now, Rustmouth had bad luck. Some said the worst. He would climb up a tree and find five dollars, only to slip on the money—which was nailed down and greased, just his luck—and need a ten-dollar cast. You see? Straight blues."
/ "Yeah. Damn."
/ "Silent Bird Wallace had had his tongue cut out by a lynch mob when he was ten, and went from town to town to 'sing' his blues via a local clerk or notary. The way it worked was, he had a lyric sheet for them that went along with his guitar playing."
/ "Wow. Hard act to follow."
/ "It wasn't even that. It was the rest of his luck. One show, he'd just wrapped up his last number, a piece about the agony of eating rice, when the barman announced that he had an emergency telephone call from a doctor looking for Bird. The crowd began to chant, and pretty soon the barman was persuaded to patch the call through the saloon's public address system."
/ "What'd the doctor have to say?"
/ "That Bird's check for a wooden tongue had bounced, and he was liable for three times its face value, or five hundred dollars, whichever was more."
/ "Ouch. Poor S.O.B."
/ "That night he tried to commit suicide in his cheap lodging house room, but it was so bare that all he could do was roll off the bed until the people downstairs complained." / Rustmouth: Oh you knowww, you knowww. Dem bills. Dey was greas'd. And so low. On down low. I did fell. / {{Rustmouth's tune is sung to the cadence of Goodnight, Irene. }} http://achewood.com/index.php?date=12182006 |
| Achewood § December 18, 2008 | Roast Beef IN 'Because I Got Depression' – Selected scenes – / [[Molly is watching Roast Beef use his computer. Roast Beef is frowning.]]
/ WHAT IS SAID.
/ Molly: Your mousepad's all faded and oily. We should get you a new one! / BUT. / [[Molly is screaming. Roast Beef is screaming and squinting and holding his ears shut.]]
/ WHAT IS FELT.
/ Molly and Roast Beef: AAAAAAAGH!
/ AAAAGH!
/ AAAAAA / [[Roast Beef sits, sweating, in a diner, eating a cheeseburger.]]
/ Roast Beef: Man everyone in this Burger King is staring at me they know I'm makin' a TERRIBLE eating decision / [[Still sitting, now looking at his food.]]
/ Roast Beef: I can't go throw this away in the bathroom though it's too late they're all watchin' me
/ Just got to choke it down one humiliating bite at a time
/ Whenever you get a chance you just put your foot in it don't you / [[Roast Beef is in bed, blankets covering most of his head. Molly's hands are on his side.]]
/ Molly: Beef? Honey? Are you going to get out of bed today?
/ Roast Beef: If I did I'd be bluffing / [[Roast Beef sits in his car at the edge of a cliff.]]
/ Roast Beef: I wonder what my last memory of life will be when I die / [[Roast Beef, in the car, visualizes a young Ray, who speaks.]]
/ Ray: Dude! / Ray: Have you heard of Seka? / [[A gingerbread cookie Christmas ornament with Roast Beef's photograph and the words "I love you mom Christmas 198?" on it lies stained and moistened in a leaf-cluttered gutter, along with a cigarette butt and chewed piece of gum]]
/ Narrator: ...Although more likely...
/ Roast Beef: But...but where's my special ornament I made for you, mom?
/ Corliss Kazenzakis: Beats me! I guess you dropped it on the way home because you kept taking your backpack off to jump in all those damn puddles!
/ Roast Beef: But...but we need to go find it!
/ Corliss Kazenzakis: I'm not walkin' back all that way! YOU lost it, you LOSER! That's what a loser does, Roast Beef! He LOSES things! http://achewood.com/index.php?date=12182008 |
| Achewood § December 18, 2009 | [[Ray and Roast Beef are watching television.]]
/ Ray: Man, I've had it with old people sayin' "our morals gettin' worse with every generation" and "why can't it be like the good old days." / Ray: Ain't those the same people gave us lynch mobs, asbestos, and flour-gut?
/ Beef: Here
/ [[Picks up remote, "click"]] / TV: IT'S...AMERICA'S MOST CHEESE-SHAPED DADS!
/ TV: RICHARD FROM LA SCOPE, PENNSYLVANIA "LOOKS" LIKE A SCAMORZA! / TV: RONALD PETRAKIS OF AKRON WAS NAMED "MR. MIMOLETTE" FOR HIS LACY, SEBACEOUS SURFACE DANDER!
/ [["click"]] / TV: CHECKING IN WITH...THE FATTEST HOMELESS VIRGIN! / TV: STILL NO PROGRESS AS FLONTEL ENTERS WEEK THREE, HIS SHIRT BLOODIED FROM WHAT HE THINKS MIGHT HAVE BEEN A FIGHT...OR, WORSE, NIGHT ANEURYSMS...
/ [["click"]] / TV: WHO WILL BE AMERICA'S NEXT...
/ TV: MOST DISABLED BALLERINA... / TV: THIS WEEK...
/ TV: KELLY SUE'S FATHER PLACES A ROSE IN HER HANDS - AND HER FEET IN THIRD POSITION - AS THE DOCTOR REMOVES THE VENTILATOR! / TV: WILL her family take home the Camaro 6500?! / Ray: Still, man. Gladiators. Bear-baitin'. Stonin' women.
/ Ray: Tell me these fluff shows ain't at least better than straight-up public snuff. / Beef: What they lack in isolated blood spectacle they make for in continuous distributed cultural erosion
/ Beef: Like rain freezin' and thawin' between bricks year after year this house will come down / Ray: Used actors gripin' in a hot tub ain't exactly the four horsemen of the apocalypse, dude.
/ Beef: I bet there's a Nostradamus somewhere about a "raisin-breasted temptress / nee of Sylwester / who courts a Flavorous Jester / as we close earth's final Semester" / {{Title text: STILL NO PROGRESS AS WIDBLAINE ENTERS WEEK THREE, HIS SHIRT BLOODIED FROM A CALL TO HIS MOTHER!}} http://achewood.com/index.php?date=12182009 |
| Achewood - December 19, 2001 | [[Téodor, full wine glass in hand; in front of him is another full wine glass and a mostly full wine bottle]]
/ Téodor: Um ... you've probably noticed that I'm not ... not exactly a ... HUMAN man ... / [[Wine bottle is now slightly less full, wine glass opposite Téodor is empty]]
/ Téodor: So! You're from Las Vegas! I hear ... I hear good things about the City of A Thousand Stars. / [[Both wine glasses now empty, Téodor attempts with shaky hands to fill them.]] / [[Téodor, one eye closed and Archie hair slightly mussed, peers over his glass towards the mostly empty wine bottle]]
/ Téodor: ... aren't 80's movies just so funny? It's like ... ha ha! The hair! They're so funny! Except Rain Man. That was a very serious movie ... don't you think? / [[Both glasses and bottle now empty, Téodor leans back drunkenly with both eyes closed and hair even more disheveled]]
/ Téodor: So are you having a good time tonight or what? / [[Téodor, now in bed with hand over face, is comforted by Mr. Bear]]
/ Téodor: I mean ... wherever you are ...
/ Mr. Bear: There, there.
/ < http://achewood.com/index.php?date=12192001 |
| Waiting for Penny | [[Téodor, full wine glass in hand; in front of him is another full wine glass and a mostly full wine bottle]]
/ Téodor: Um ... you've probably noticed that I'm not ... not exactly a ... HUMAN man ... / [[Wine bottle is now slightly less full, wine glass opposite Téodor is empty]]
/ Téodor: So! You're from Las Vegas! I hear ... I hear good things about the City of A Thousand Stars. / [[Both wine glasses now empty, Téodor attempts with shaky hands to fill them.]] / [[Téodor, one eye closed and Archie hair slightly mussed, peers over his glass towards the mostly empty wine bottle]]
/ Téodor: ... aren't 80's movies just so funny? It's like ... ha ha! The hair! They're so funny! Except Rain Man. That was a very serious movie ... don't you think? / [[Both glasses and bottle now empty, Téodor leans back drunkenly with both eyes closed and hair even more disheveled]]
/ Téodor: So are you having a good time tonight or what? / [[Téodor, now in bed with hand over face, is comforted by Mr. Bear]]
/ Téodor: I mean ... wherever you are ...
/ Mr. Bear: There, there.
/ < http://achewood.com/index.php?date=12192001 |
| Achewood - December 19, 2002 | [[Ray and Beef are sitting up at the stage of Haunches. Beef looks morose, but Ray is enthusiastic.]]
/ BEEF: Dang
/ BEEF: I ain't never seen no one pick up a dollar bill that way
/ RAY: Ain't it great! / [[Ray stands up, a dollar bill clenched held in his mouth]]
/ < http://achewood.com/index.php?date=12192002 |
| Achewood - December 19, 2002 | [[Ray and Roast Beef are sitting up at the stage of Haunches. Beef looks morose, but Ray is enthusiastic.]]
/ Roast Beef: Dang
/ Roast Beef: I ain't never seen no one pick up a dollar bill that way
/ Ray: Ain't it great! / [[Ray stands up, a dollar bill clenched held in his mouth]]
/ < http://achewood.com/index.php?date=12192002 |
| Denise Are You Crappin' | [[A Friendly's restaurant with a banner for a "$5.99 Burger Basket"]] / [[Inside, Beef leans over a menu, looking mildly annoyed]]
/ Roast Beef; Damn
/ Roast Beef; He sure is takin' a while
/ Roast Beef; Hope he didn't pass out again / [[Beef looks up, concerned]]
/ Roast Beef; Waitress already came by twice for our order
/ Roast Beef; Can't say I mind watchin' her walk on past though
/ Roast Beef; Denise / [[Close up on beef's face]]
/ Roast Beef; Those are some luscious hams
/ Roast Beef; Denise / [[Mildly annoyed again]]
/ Roast Beef; Your hams are big and unfashionable but I am down
/ Roast Beef; Denise / [[Looks up, intrigued]]
/ Roast Beef; Damn what would I even look like if I was married to a lady like that for ten years / [[Beef is now portrayed as old white trash, balding, with side burns, a gut and a beer]]
/ Roast Beef; DENISE! ARE YOU CRAPPIN'?
/ Roast Beef; YOU FEED THE DOG YET? http://achewood.com/index.php?date=12192003 |
| Achewood - December 19, 2005 | [[Téodor lies in bed, on his side, keeping his eyes shut tight.]]
/ < http://achewood.com/index.php?date=12192005 |
| Achewood - December 19, 2006 | [[Ray and Lyle drinking]]
/ Ray: Silent Bird Wallace, mute as he was, paired up with Alosius, a stone-deaf and illiterate singer with the most beautiful voice anyone had ever heard.
/ Audiences wept that he could not know the miracle of his own singing. / [[Bird Wallace singing]]
/ Lyle: Wait. If he was illiterate, how'd he read Bird's lyric sheet? / [[A stage with three silhouettes, one in front of a microphone stand, one facing the first with a sheet music stand motioning to the first in sign-language, and one off to the side sitting in a chair playing a guitar]]
/ Ray: He would have an interpreter sign it to him. The whole performance was something of a terrible, crippled miracle. Meanwhile, Rustmouth sank deeper into obscurity. / {{Rustmouth soured himself on Pabst and Rye at all of this.}} http://achewood.com/index.php?date=12192006 |
| Achewood - December 19, 2006 | [[Ray and Lyle drinking]]
/ Ray: Silent Bird Wallace, mute as he was, paired up with Aloisius, a stone-deaf and illiterate singer with the most beautiful voice anyone had ever heard.
/ Audiences wept that he could not know the miracle of his own singing. / [[Bird Wallace singing]]
/ Lyle: Wait. If he was illiterate, how'd he read Bird's lyric sheet? / [[A stage with three silhouettes, one in front of a microphone stand, one facing the first with a sheet music stand motioning to the first in sign-language, and one off to the side sitting in a chair playing a guitar]]
/ Ray: He would have an interpreter sign it to him. The whole performance was something of a terrible, crippled miracle. Meanwhile, Rustmouth sank deeper into obscurity. / {{Rustmouth soured himself on Pabst and Rye at all of this.}} http://achewood.com/index.php?date=12192006 |
| Achewood - December 19, 2006 | [[Ray and Lyle drinking]]
/ Ray: Silent Bird Wallace, mute as he was, paired up with Aloisius, a stone-deaf and illiterate singer with the most beautiful voice anyone had ever heard.
/ Audiences wept that he could not know the miracle of his own singing. / [[Aloisius singing]]
/ Lyle: Wait. If he was illiterate, how'd he read Bird's lyric sheet? / [[A stage with three silhouettes, one in front of a microphone stand, one facing the first with a sheet music stand motioning to the first in sign-language, and one off to the side sitting in a chair playing a guitar]]
/ Ray: He would have an interpreter sign it to him. The whole performance was something of a terrible, crippled miracle. Meanwhile, Rustmouth sank deeper into obscurity. / {{Rustmouth soured himself on Pabst and Rye at all of this.}} http://achewood.com/index.php?date=12192006 |
| Achewood - December 19, 2006 | [[Ray and Lyle drinking]]
/ Ray: Silent Bird Wallace, mute as he was, paired up with Alosius, a stone-deaf and illiterate singer with the most beautiful voice anyone had ever heard.
/ Audiences wept that he could not know the miracle of his own singing. / [[Bird Wallace singing into a microphone. The picture is slightly out of focus.]]
/ Lyle: Wait. If he was illiterate, how'd he read Bird's lyric sheet? / [[A stage with three silhouettes, one in front of a microphone stand, one facing the first with a sheet music stand motioning to the first in sign-language, and one off to the side sitting in a chair playing a guitar. The picture is slightly out of focus.]]
/ Ray: He would have an interpreter sign it to him. The whole performance was something of a terrible, crippled miracle. Meanwhile, Rustmouth sank deeper into obscurity. / {{Rustmouth soured himself on Pabst and Rye at all of this.}} http://achewood.com/index.php?date=12192006 |
| Achewood - December 19, 2007 | [[Cornelius' room]]
/ < http://achewood.com/index.php?date=12192007 |
| Achewood - December 20, 2001 | Lyle sees the clock. It is seven, or perhaps 7:35, in the morning. < http://achewood.com/index.php?date=12202001 |
| Lyle's pensive morning moment | [[Lyle sees the clock. It is seven, or perhaps 7:35, in the morning.]]
/ < http://achewood.com/index.php?date=12202001 |
| Achewood - December 20, 2001 | [[Lyle sees the clock. It is seven, or perhaps 7:35, in the morning.]]
/ < http://achewood.com/index.php?date=12202001 |
| Showbiz | [[Ray and Roast Beef are in a strip club. There are three empty martini glasses in front of Ray, and two bills in front of Roast Beef.]]
/ Ray: HEY Roast Beef! Order us summore drinks! I'm gonna go hit the can!
/ Ray: You hear me? I'M GONNA GO HIT THE CAN! / Roast Beef: Alright Ray What you into
/ Ray: Some Ketel One extra dry, baby! DRY AS THE DICKENS! / [[Roast Beef at the bar, holding his wallet.]]
/ Roast Beef: Yeah uh I'd like a Ketel One up and a bottle of Bud please
/ Bartender: That'll be $12.50 sir / [[Roast Beef winces.]] / [[Looking cross, Roast Beef hands the money over.]]
/ Roast Beef (thinks): Man that is a lot of dang fucking money / [[Roast Beef drops a Certs in his beer bottle.]]
/ < http://achewood.com/index.php?date=12202002 |
| Showbiz | [[Ray and Roast Beef are in a strip club. There are three empty martini glasses in front of Ray, and two bills in front of Roast Beef.]]
/ Ray: HEY Roast Beef! Order us summore drinks! I'm gonna go hit the can!
/ Ray: You hear me? I'M GONNA GO HIT THE CAN! / Roast Beef: Alright Ray What you into
/ Ray: Some Ketel One extra dry, baby! DRY AS THE DICKENS! / [[Roast Beef at the bar, holding his wallet.]]
/ Roast Beef: Yeah uh I'd like a Ketel One up and a bottle of Bud please
/ Bartender: That'll be $12.50 sir / [[Roast Beef winces.]] / [[Looking cross, Roast Beef hands the money over.]]
/ Roast Beef (thinks): Man that is a lot of dang fucking money / [[Roast Beef drops a Certs in his beer bottle.]]
/ < http://achewood.com/index.php?date=12202002 |
| Achewood - December 20, 2004 | [[Ray and Roast Beef are wearing manes purchased off eBay]] / Ray: ROAR!
/ Roast Beef: Hell of such as meow / Ray: ROARRRRR! ... ROAR ROAR ROAR! / Roast Beef: I don't know dogg this mane isn't doing much for me / Ray: The Guy on eBay said it might take a few minutes for our primal instincts to kick back in, dude! Just stick with it! ... ROAR! / Roast Beef: Face it man we been bred down to pee-wees If I saw a wounded gazelle my first instinct would definitely not be to start eating its hot guts / Ray: When you said gazelle just now, my first thought was of grilled kebabs over jicama-sesame slaw with peanut-ancho coulis. I'm not kidding.
/ Roast Beef: Oh nice all with a frosty Amstel instead of a puddle that a rhino crapped in http://achewood.com/index.php?date=12202004 |
| Achewood - December 20, 2004 | [[Ray and Roast Beef are wearing manes purchased off eBay]] / Ray: ROAR!
/ Roast Beef: Hell of such as meow / Ray: ROARRRRR! ... ROAR ROAR ROAR! / Roast Beef: I don't know dogg this mane isn't doing much for me / Ray: The Guy on eBay said it might take a few minutes for our primal instincts to kick back in, dude! Just stick with it! ... ROAR! / Roast Beef: Face it man we been bred down to pee-wees If I saw a wounded gazelle my first instinct would definitely not be to start eating its hot guts / Ray: When you said gazelle just now, my first thought was of grilled kebabs over jicama-sesame slaw with peanut-ancho coulis. I'm not kidding.
/ Roast Beef: Oh nice all with a frosty Amstel instead of a puddle that a rhino crapped in / {{alt-text: They look like they're in the Tull Army}} http://achewood.com/index.php?date=12202004 |
| Achewood § December 20, 2007 | Cornelius is on the floor, on elbows and knees, head down. He wears only boxer shorts. / He looks up, furious grief on his face. / < http://achewood.com/index.php?date=12202007 |
| Achewood - December 21, 2001 | [[Todd is working on his van]]
/ Todd: BLISTER? Is that you? / Blister: IT IS ME THE GHOST OF BLISTER YOUR OLD FRIEND / Todd: What are you doin' back among the livin'? D-D-Do you have... unfinished business? / Blister: I DON'T REALLY REMEMBER /
/ Todd: Can you walk through things?
/ Blister: TOTALLY / Todd: Will you walk through my exhaust line and see if you can tell what the trouble is? / Blister: ALRIGHT / [[Blister walks through the side of the van. Todd is shocked.]] / [[Todd peers at the van. There is no sign of Blister anywhere.]] / Blister: YOUR OXYGEN SENSOR NEEDS CLEANING / Blister: HAND ME A RAG http://achewood.com/index.php?date=12212001 |
| YOUR OLD FRIEND BLISTER | [[Todd is working on his van. Various tools are strewn over the floor.]]
/ Todd: BLISTER? Is that you? / Blister: IT IS ME THE GHOST OF BLISTER YOUR OLD FRIEND / Todd: What are you doin' back among the livin'? D-D-Do you have... unfinished business? / Blister: I DON'T REALLY REMEMBER / [[Silence]] / Todd: Can you walk through things?
/ Blister: TOTALLY / Todd: Will you walk through my exhaust line and see if you can tell what the trouble is? / Blister: ALRIGHT / [[Blister walks through the side of the van. Todd is shocked.]] / [[Todd peers at the van. There is no sign of Blister anywhere.]] / [[Blister speaks from inside the van.]]
/ Blister: YOUR OXYGEN SENSOR NEEDS CLEANING / Blister: HAND ME A RAG http://achewood.com/index.php?date=12212001 |
| Achewood - December 21, 2001 | [[Todd stands by his van, shocked. Tools lay around the van. Blister is dressed like an angel.]]
/ Todd: BLISTER? Is that you? / Blister: IT IS ME THE GHOST OF BLISTER YOUR OLD FRIEND / Todd: What are you doin' back among the livin'? D-D-Do you have... unfinished business? / Blister: I DON'T REALLY REMEMBER / [[Silence]] / Todd: Can you walk through things?
/ Blister: TOTALLY / Todd: Will you walk through my exhaust line and see if you can tell what the trouble is? / Blister: ALRIGHT / [[Blister walks through the side of the van. Todd is shocked.]] / [[Todd peers at the van. There is no sign of Blister anywhere.]] / Blister: YOUR OXYGEN SENSOR NEEDS CLEANING / Blister: HAND ME A RAG http://achewood.com/index.php?date=12212001 |
| Achewood - December 21, 2004 | [[Cornelius is in bed, transcribing pornography]]
/ Cornelius: The mechanic, who was curiously outfitted with only a hammer, took a cursory glance at the vehicle before focusing on the woman's--
/ < http://achewood.com/index.php?date=12212004 |
| Téodor's Naked Packaging | [[Téodor is running back to his room. He is naked. Onstad spots him.]]
/ Onstad: Téodor! / [[Téodor continues to run to his room]]
/ Onstad: TÉODOR! / [[Téodor turns and faces Onstad]]
/ Onstad: Come out to the studio and help me pack! / [[Téodor becomes annoyed]]
/ Téodor: It's five o'clock in the morning! / Onstad: So what? You're up! Let's pack. We have a ton of orders to get out today. / [[Téodor turns his head toward his bedroom.]]
/ Téodor: Jesus Christ...alright, let me get some track pants on or something... / Onstad: NO! Let's GO! You can pack like that.
/ [[Téodor is obviously surprised by Onstad's refusal]] / [[Téodor gets angry about the situation]]
/ Téodor: I'm buck naked, if you hadn't noticed! / Onstad: Like I give a damn! You're a bear. No one cares if a bear is naked. / Téodor: It's...unhygienic! You could get closed down! / Onstad: I'll make you some clothes out of garbage. Come on, let's go already! / Téodor: It'll take you longer to make me clothes that it would for me to get dressed! / Onstad: You have no idea. Let's go. Don't make me pick you up. / [[SOON. In Onstad's studio, Téodor wears a paper cup attached to a rubber band as a hat. There are boxes in the background.]]
/ Onstad: Wear that cup where you're supposed to. You're hung like a cranberry, and it bugs me.
/ Téodor: This is my little way of telling you that it's six degrees in here. / {alt. text: I'm annpyed with small-hung guys. Why do they try to bring everyone down?} http://achewood.com/index.php?date=12212005 |
| Téodor's Naked Packaging | [[Téodor is running back to his room. He is naked. Onstad spots him.]]
/ Onstad: Téodor! / [[Téodor continues to run to his room]]
/ Onstad: TÉODOR! / [[Téodor turns and faces Onstad]]
/ Onstad: Come out to the studio and help me pack! / [[Téodor becomes annoyed]]
/ Téodor: It's five o'clock in the morning! / Onstad: So what? You're up! Let's pack. We have a ton of orders to get out today. / [[Téodor turns his head toward his bedroom.]]
/ Téodor: Jesus Christ...alright, let me get some track pants on or something... / Onstad: NO! Let's GO! You can pack like that.
/ [[Téodor is obviously surprised by Onstad's refusal]] / [[Téodor gets angry about the situation]]
/ Téodor: I'm buck naked, if you hadn't noticed! / Onstad: Like I give a damn! You're a bear. No one cares if a bear is naked. / Téodor: It's...unhygienic! You could get closed down! / Onstad: I'll make you some clothes out of garbage. Come on, let's go already! / Téodor: It'll take you longer to make me clothes that it would for me to get dressed! / Onstad: You have no idea. Let's go. Don't make me pick you up. / [[SOON. In Onstad's studio, Téodor wears a paper cup attached to a rubber band as a hat. There are boxes in the background.]]
/ Onstad: Wear that cup where you're supposed to. You're hung like a cranberry, and it bugs me.
/ Téodor: This is my little way of telling you that it's six degrees in here. / {alt. text: I'm annoyed with small-hung guys. Why do they try to bring everyone down?} http://achewood.com/index.php?date=12212005 |
| Achewood - December 21, 2006 | [[The door of Prime Time Records.]]
/ Ray: uyuygugiiuy / [[Ray and Lyle are sitting at their respective sides of the desk in Ray's office.]]
/ Ray: Then the recording age came, and nobody wanted to buy a record of a notary reading a laundry list of unusual woes. / Lyle: So Rustmouth got back his rightful seat at the top of the blues pile? / [[A flashback picture of Rustmouth, holding a guitar.]]
/ Ray: Yeah, but from then on he knew he wasn't the bluest cat around. He kept performing, but in his heart he knew he didn't have it the hardest. / [[Prime Time Records office.]]
/ Ray: Rustmouth died peacefully, aged 106, wealthy and well-respected, surrounded by family and friends. The police even named a street after him. Silent Bird died young. Hungry and half-crazed with lice, he put himself under a train one night. They buried him in two caskets. / Lyle: Wow. Bird out-bluesed him every step of the way.
/ Ray: Who's more legit? The cursed man, or the man who's cursed by the cursed man? Two souls chasin' each other down the same drain, dude. Anyhow, let's talk royalty structures. / {{Image Title: Due to his bad luck, Rustmouth died wealthy and well-regarded.}} http://achewood.com/index.php?date=12212006 |
| Achewood - December 21, 2006 | [[The door of Prime Time Records.]]
/ Ray: Eventually, though, Bird's luck ran out. Aloisius and the interpreter realized they didn't need him, and started their own gig. / [[Ray and Lyle are sitting at their respective sides of the desk in Ray's office.]]
/ Ray: Then the recording age came, and nobody wanted to buy a record of a notary reading a laundry list of unusual woes. / Lyle: So Rustmouth got back his rightful seat at the top of the blues pile? / [[A flashback picture of Rustmouth, holding a guitar.]]
/ Ray: Yeah, but from then on he knew he wasn't the bluest cat around. He kept performing, but in his heart he knew he didn't have it the hardest. / [[Prime Time Records office.]]
/ Ray: Rustmouth died peacefully, aged 106, wealthy and well-respected, surrounded by family and friends. The police even named a street after him. Silent Bird died young. Hungry and half-crazed with lice, he put himself under a train one night. They buried him in two caskets. / Lyle: Wow. Bird out-bluesed him every step of the way.
/ Ray: Who's more legit? The cursed man, or the man who's cursed by the cursed man? Two souls chasin' each other down the same drain, dude. Anyhow, let's talk royalty structures. / {{Image Title: Due to his bad luck, Rustmouth died wealthy and well-regarded.}} http://achewood.com/index.php?date=12212006 |
| Achewood - December 21, 2006 | [[The door of Prime Time Records.]]
/ Ray: Eventually, though, Bird's luck ran out. Aloisius and the interpreter realized they didn't need him, and started their own gig. / [[Ray and Lyle are sitting at their respective sides of the desk in Ray's office.]]
/ Ray: Then the recording age came, and nobody wanted to buy a record of a notary reading a laundry list of unusual woes. / Lyle: So Rustmouth got back his rightful seat at the top of the blues pile? / [[A flashback picture of Rustmouth, holding a guitar.]]
/ Ray: Yeah, but from then on he knew he wasn't the bluest cat around. He kept performing, but in his heart he knew he didn't have it the hardest. / [[Prime Time Records office.]]
/ Ray: Rustmouth died peacefully, aged 106, wealthy and well-respected, surrounded by family and friends. The police even named a street after him. Silent Bird died young. Hungry and half-crazed with lice, he put himself under a train one night. They buried him in two caskets. / Lyle: Wow. Bird out-bluesed him every step of the way.
/ Ray: Who's more legit? The cursed man, or the man who's cursed by the cursed man? Two souls chasin' each other down the same drain, dude. Anyhow, let's talk royalty structures. / {{Image Title: Due to his bad luck, Rustmouth died wealthy and well-regarded.}} http://achewood.com/index.php?date=12212006 |
| Achewood - December 21, 2006 | [[The door of Prime Time Records.]]
/ Ray: Eventually, though, Bird's luck ran out. Aloisius and the interpreter realized they didn't need him, and started their own gig. / [[Ray and Lyle are sitting at their respective sides of the desk in Ray's office.]]
/ Ray: Then the recording age came, and nobody wanted to buy a record of a notary reading a laundry list of unusual woes. / Lyle: So Rustmouth got back his rightful seat at the top of the blues pile? / [[A flashback picture of Rustmouth, holding a guitar.]]
/ Ray: Yeah, but from then on he knew he wasn't the bluest cat around. He kept performing, but in his heart he knew he didn't have it the hardest. / [[Prime Time Records office.]]
/ Ray: Rustmouth died peacefully, aged 106, wealthy and well-respected, surrounded by family and friends. The police even named a street after him. Silent Bird died young. Hungry and half-crazed with lice, he put himself under a train one night. They buried him in two caskets. / Lyle: Wow. Bird out-bluesed him every step of the way.
/ Ray: Who's more legit? The cursed man, or the man who's cursed by the cursed man? Two souls chasin' each other down the same drain, dude. Anyhow, let's talk royalty structures. / {{Image Title: Due to his bad luck, Rustmouth died wealthy and well-regarded.}} http://achewood.com/index.php?date=12212006 |
| Achewood - December 21, 2006 | [[The door of Prime Time Records. "Ray Smuckles: President" ]]
/ Ray: Eventually, though, Bird's luck ran out. Aloisius and the interpreter realized they didn't need him, and started their own gig. / [[Ray and Lyle are sitting at their respective sides of the desk in Ray's office.]]
/ Ray: Then the recording age came, and nobody wanted to buy a record of a notary reading a laundry list of unusual woes. / Lyle: So Rustmouth got back his rightful seat at the top of the blues pile? / [[A flashback picture of Rustmouth, holding a guitar.]]
/ Ray: Yeah, but from then on he knew he wasn't the bluest cat around. He kept performing, but in his heart he knew he didn't have it the hardest. / [[Prime Time Records office.]]
/ Ray: Rustmouth died peacefully, aged 106, wealthy and well-respected, surrounded by family and friends. The police even named a street after him. Silent Bird died young. Hungry and half-crazed with lice, he put himself under a train one night. They buried him in two caskets. / Lyle: Wow. Bird out-bluesed him every step of the way.
/ Ray: Who's more legit? The cursed man, or the man who's cursed by the cursed man? Two souls chasin' each other down the same drain, dude. Anyhow, let's talk royalty structures. / {{Image Title: Due to his bad luck, Rustmouth died wealthy and well-regarded.}} http://achewood.com/index.php?date=12212006 |
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