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| Achewood - December 9, 2002 | < http://achewood.com/index.php?date=12092002 |
| Achewood - December 9, 2002 | [[In the Galaxie car. Ray stretches as he wakes up]]
/ < http://achewood.com/index.php?date=12092002 |
| Achewood - December 9, 2003 | [[Ray is passed out in a pool of his vomit in a green hallway of the Best Western in Hell.]] / [[There are flowers patterned on the wall.]] / [[One flower leans towards Ray.]] / Flower 1: Raaay / Flower 1: Raaay
/ Flower 1: I was a young Chinese man you made fun of at Office Depot / Flower 1: You said you felt sorry for me because I had early-onset male pattern baldness
/ Flower 1: ...and that I would never have sex, "guaranteed" / Flower 2: Raaay
/ Flower 2: I was a puppy you flicked a booger to
/ Flower 2: I ate it, Ray, in my innocence / {{alt-text: vanilla vodka plus orange soda is a fifty-fifty}} http://achewood.com/index.php?date=12092003 |
| Achewood - December 9, 2003 | [[Ray is passed out in a pool of his vomit in a green hallway of the Best Western in Hell. His feathered hat lies next to him on the floor.]] / [[There is a stylized daisy pattern on the wall.]] / [[One flower leans out of the wallpaper towards Ray.]] / [[The flower floats towards Ray, with only its head and stem visible]]Flower 1: Raaay / Flower 1: Raaay
/ Flower 1: I was a young Chinese man you made fun of at Office Depot / Flower 1: You said you felt sorry for me because I had early-onset male pattern baldness
/ Flower 1: ...and that I would never have sex, "guaranteed" / [[A second flower appears]]
/ Flower 2: Raaay
/ Flower 2: I was a puppy you flicked a booger to
/ Flower 2: I ate it, Ray, in my innocence / {{alt-text: vanilla vodka plus orange soda is a fifty-fifty}} http://achewood.com/index.php?date=12092003 |
| Roast Beef's 'Zine | [[Roast Beef is looking through a cardboard box.]]
/ Beef: (thinking) Oh dang wow my old high school 'zine that I used to make / [[He reads the 'zine]] / LISTEN UP ACHEWOOD UNIFIED HIGH SCHOOL
/ It's...
/ THE PRIVATE EYE
/ [[Next to the title is a clip art kitten wearing a pilgrim hat.]]
/ your editor Ed E. Haskell
/ [[The first column:]]
/ Cod is Nasty by Ed E. Haskell
/ Why do they serve us nasty old cod at lunch break. We asked lunch lady Doris Marsh why the fish is so nasty and she got pretty mad. She said that she worked a long day to feed us and her husband was in the army thirty years so we could live free cont
/ [[A picture of a real cat with a black censor bar over its eyes has the caption:]]
/ Guess which teacher hit his wife on the A-student field trip
/ [[The second column:]]
/ Supt. Clemens Has Fat Thighs Which is Unusual for a Man by Ed E. Haskell
/ Men tend to store fat on the belly, but rebel fat-storer Supt. H. Clemens stores his fat on his rear and thighs while having a normal middle. When asked via phone if this was his way of supporting women's rights cont
/ [[in a box in the third column]]
/ STICK CORNER--rearrange this...
/ [[The Van Halen logo]]
/ to be this
/ [[an angular geometric design]]
/ by moving only two sticks
/ [[Below the Stick Corner:]]
/ CLASSIFIEDS
/ Garden Hose. Price optional.
/ Chinese food is hell of scrumptious. Come to Hot Taste Restaurant, and ask them for Thank You. I am the best waiter in that whole place. Thank You.
/ [[At the bottom of the page:]]
/ GUITAR TAB
/ Learn the rockin' new song by Ed E. Haskell Standard tuning
/ [[The tablature spells out "TITS"]]
/ Vol. II No. IV / {{alt text: Public institutions should not attempt fish dishes.}} http://achewood.com/index.php?date=12092004 |
| Roast Beef's 'Zine | [[Roast Beef is looking through a cardboard box.]]
/ Beef: (thinking) Oh dang wow my old high school 'zine that I used to make / [[He reads the 'zine]] / LISTEN UP ACHEWOOD UNIFIED HIGH SCHOOL
/ It's...
/ THE PRIVATE EYE
/ [[Next to the title is a clip art kitten wearing a pilgrim hat.]]
/ your editor Ed E. Haskell
/ [[The first column:]]
/ Cod is Nasty by Ed E. Haskell
/ Why do they serve us nasty old cod at lunch break. We asked lunch lady Doris Marsh why the fish is so nasty and she got pretty mad. She said that she worked a long day to feed us and her husband was in the army thirty years so we could live free cont
/ [[A picture of a real cat with a black censor bar over its eyes has the caption:]]
/ Guess which teacher hit his wife on the A-student field trip
/ [[The second column:]]
/ Supt. Clemens Has Fat Thighs Which is Unusual for a Man by Ed E. Haskell
/ Men tend to store fat on the belly, but rebel fat-storer Supt. H. Clemens stores his fat on his rear and thighs while having a normal middle. When asked via phone if this was his way of supporting women's rights cont
/ [[in a box in the third column]]
/ STICK CORNER--rearrange this...
/ [[The Van Halen logo]]
/ to be this
/ [[The Dead Kennedys logo]]
/ by moving only two sticks
/ [[Below the Stick Corner:]]
/ CLASSIFIEDS
/ Garden Hose. Price optional.
/ Chinese food is hell of scrumptious. Come to Hot Taste Restaurant, and ask them for Thank You. I am the best waiter in that whole place. Thank You.
/ [[At the bottom of the page:]]
/ GUITAR TAB
/ Learn the rockin' new song by Ed E. Haskell Standard tuning
/ [[The tablature spells out "TITS"]]
/ Vol. II No. IV / {{alt text: Public institutions should not attempt fish dishes.}} http://achewood.com/index.php?date=12092004 |
| Achewood - December 9, 2005 | [[A black panel]]
/ (IT'S A) FUCK YOU FRIDAY. / [[Pat stands in front of Ray in a costume of western-wear, complete with sideburns]]
/ Pat: Well, which is it! Neil Young or Neil Diamond? You can't be both!
/ Ray: Says fuckin' who?! / [[Teodor chats with Ray, who is now dressed as a 1950s street tough with a white t-shirt (with something rolled in the sleeve), a flattop haircut, dark cuffed jeans and Converse All-Stars. Ray is sitting on a up-turned cardboard box, and is holding a drink in his hand.]]
/ Teodor: You can't just change your look like that! People will think it's corny!
/ Ray: I believe it was Voltaire who said "well, then fuck them." / [[Ray is standing in front of a toilet, urinating. Dr. Andretti, clipboard in hand, interrupts him by opening the door.]]
/ < http://achewood.com/index.php?date=12092005 |
| Achewood § December 9, 2008 | Vlad: Is problem of modern age. You want lady; lady is with this dude.
/ Vlad: You cannot kill the dude because Hammurabi, he does his thing in the day. / Vlad: So, you must take the "long view," then.
/ Vlad: I tell story. / Vlad: Down the road, say, soap company of this dude is needink new conveyor belt; you haf conveyor belt, but is maybe not best price. / Vlad: His pen on the dotted line, he stops. "New conveyor belt, is half of this price at Hdogreb of Smulesk." / Vlad: Howaaayver- / Vlad: He is rememberink good dinner party when you, clever host, get lady to do best-ever joy in the bed with him. He signs.
/ Vlad: "Hdogreb of Smulesk has stupid ad with dancink kopeck anyway," he is thinkink. / Ray: Dang. I get Connie donked and ruttin' in a nice guest room with a shower and fresh sheets, he's never gonna turn me down again when I put a nine-ball hundo on the rail!
/ Vlad: There are two true activities. Get the lady, or get the money. Either way, is lucky I am here. / Vlad: I go prepare room for the lovers. You pour them the vodka and line them inside with schmaltz and golumpki.
/ Ray: Vlad. Always rockin' the sawed-off wisdom. Dap. / SOON.
/ Vlad: Gah. Is such long time since I am doink this...
/ Vlad: On which side goes antler, on which side goes nest of dove? / {{alt text: Here, Vlad tells the classic Soviet Bloc allegory of the man who was able to sell overpriced factory equipment because he got the buyer some play.}} http://achewood.com/index.php?date=12092008 |
| Achewood - December 10, 2001 | Today we present bloopers and outtakes from previously run Achewood comic strips. / RUN DATE: November 8, 2001
/ TITLE: "Poker"
/ Cornelius: Philippe, I...you...what the hell do I say next?
/ Teodor: Sheesh.
/ Philippe: Ha ha! / RUN DATE: November 5, 2001
/ TITLE: "What is the saddest thing"
/ Philippe: Lie Bot, what is the saddest thing?
/ Lie Bot: When a father outlives his son.
/ Director: STICK TO THE SCRIPT PLEASE / RUN DATE: October 1, 2001
/ TITLE: "Philippe is standing on it"
/ [[Philippe is not standing on the manual, but instead, next to it]]
/ Director: CUT! http://achewood.com/index.php?date=12102001 |
| Achewood - December 10, 2001 | Today we present bloopers and outtakes from previously run Achewood comic strips. / RUN DATE: November 8, 2001
/ TITLE: "Poker"
/ Cornelius: Philippe, I...you...what the hell do I say next?
/ Teodor: Sheesh.
/ Philippe: Ha ha! / RUN DATE: November 5, 2001
/ TITLE: "What is the saddest thing"
/ Philippe: Lie Bot, what is the saddest thing?
/ Lie Bot: When a father outlives his son.
/ Director: STICK TO THE SCRIPT PLEASE / RUN DATE: October 1, 2001
/ TITLE: "Philippe is standing on it"
/ [[Philippe is not standing on the manual, but instead, next to it]]
/ Director: CUT! http://achewood.com/index.php?date=12102001 |
| Achewood - December 10, 2001 | Today we present bloopers and outtakes from previously run Achewood comic strips. / RUN DATE: November 8, 2001
/ TITLE: "Poker"
/ Cornelius: Philippe, I...you...what the hell do I say next?
/ Teodor: Sheesh.
/ Philippe: Ha ha! / RUN DATE: November 5, 2001
/ TITLE: "What is the saddest thing"
/ Philippe: Lie Bot, what is the saddest thing?
/ Lie Bot: When a father outlives his son.
/ Director: STICK TO THE SCRIPT PLEASE / RUN DATE: October 1, 2001
/ TITLE: "Philippe is standing on it"
/ [[Philippe is not standing on the manual, but instead, next to it]]
/ Director: CUT! http://achewood.com/index.php?date=12102001 |
| Achewood - December 10, 2001 | Today we present bloopers and outtakes from previously run Achewood comic strips. / RUN DATE: November 8, 2001
/ TITLE: "Poker"
/ Cornelius: Philippe, I...you...what the hell do I say next?
/ Teodor: Sheesh.
/ Philippe: Ha ha! / RUN DATE: November 5, 2001
/ TITLE: "What is the saddest thing"
/ Philippe: Lie Bot, what is the saddest thing?
/ Lie Bot: When a father outlives his son.
/ Director: STICK TO THE SCRIPT PLEASE / RUN DATE: October 1, 2001
/ TITLE: "Philippe is standing on it"
/ [[Philippe is not standing on the manual, but instead, next to it]]
/ Director: CUT! http://achewood.com/index.php?date=12102001 |
| Achewood - December 10, 2001 | Today we present bloopers and outtakes from previously run Achewood comic strips. / RUN DATE: November 8, 2001
/ TITLE: "Poker"
/ Cornelius: Philippe, I...you...what the hell do I say next?
/ Teodor: Sheesh.
/ Philippe: Ha ha! / RUN DATE: November 5, 2001
/ TITLE: "What is the saddest thing"
/ Philippe: Lie Bot, what is the saddest thing?
/ Lie Bot: When a father outlives his son.
/ Director: STICK TO THE SCRIPT PLEASE / RUN DATE: October 1, 2001
/ TITLE: "Philippe is standing on it"
/ [[Philippe is not standing on the manual, but instead, next to it]]
/ Director: CUT! http://achewood.com/index.php?date=12102001 |
| Coconut Rum | [[Ray and Beef are running from The Peppermint Honcho club to Beef's Galaxie.]]
/ < http://achewood.com/index.php?date=12102002 |
| Coconut Rum | [[Ray and Roast Beef are running from The Peppermint Honcho club to Beef's Galaxie.]]
/ < http://achewood.com/index.php?date=12102002 |
| Achewood - December 10, 2003 | [[Roast Beef lays on the floor, talking into a phone]]
/ Roast Beef: Uh yeah is this the Butterball turkey hotline / Roast Beef: Okay cool yeah
/ Roast Beef: Hi rose / Roast Beef: Look uh I know Thanksgiving has ended and all / Roast Beef: But your phone number was the only one I could remember just now / Roast Beef: Listen anyways I had like all kinds of Cuervo tonight / [[Looking at an electrical outlet]]
/ Roast Beef: Yeah just all by myself exactly / [[Roast Beef opens one eye]]
/ Roast Beef: Anyhow I got kind of a science-type question for you / Roast Beef: Is it possible to get killed if you puke into an electrical outlet http://achewood.com/index.php?date=12102003 |
| Butterball Hotline | [[Roast Beef lays on the floor, talking into a phone]]
/ Roast Beef: Uh yeah is this the Butterball turkey hotline / Roast Beef: Okay cool yeah
/ Roast Beef: Hi rose / Roast Beef: Look uh I know Thanksgiving has ended and all / Roast Beef: But your phone number was the only one I could remember just now / Roast Beef: Listen anyways I had like all kinds of Cuervo tonight / [[Looking at an electrical outlet]]
/ Roast Beef: Yeah just all by myself exactly / [[Roast Beef opens one eye]]
/ Roast Beef: Anyhow I got kind of a science-type question for you / Roast Beef: Is it possible to get killed if you puke into an electrical outlet / {{alt-text: 1-800-BUTTERBALL}} http://achewood.com/index.php?date=12102003 |
| Achewood - December 10, 2004 | [[Téodor sits at his computer]] / < http://achewood.com/index.php?date=12102004 |
| Achewood - December 10, 2007 | Teodor: Jesus Christ! Why the fuck did you just hit the computer with a cricket bat?! / Cornelius: An Internet man has been buggering Philippe! I've had it with this damned machine! I knew it would come to no good! / Teodor: What do you mean, buggering him? He hasn't left the house all week!
/ Cornelius: Well, he's being e-buggered, or however they do it these days! Mental chat sex! I don't know how to describe it! / [[A text adventure computer screen.]]
/ > LOOK WEST
/ THERE IS A CHILD.
/ > BUGGER THAT CHILD
/ THAT CHILD IS PHILIPPE. / Teodor: You can't bugger a child online, not even with Flash. You're way too worked up about this.
/ Cornelius: He sent Philippe a thousand dollars! The man clearly expects placid afternoons of unhurried buggery! / Teodor: Caveat emptor. Pederasts aren't the most litigious bunch you're likely to encounter.
/ Cornelius: Fine, then. I still reserve the right to enshroud any bump in the night with a cumulonimbus of pepper spray. / {{Title text: I GOT BUGGERED BY JAVASCRIPT IN '02}} http://achewood.com/index.php?date=12102007 |
| Achewood § December 10, 2009 | Yeah, just gotta go take my driver's license test first. Should be there around three, dogg. / Am I worried? Heh!
/ Does the Pope know sluts?! / Jesus...man I been drivin'for a decade-plus without knowin' 'bout left turns on red arrows at one-way streets... / 7. You are in a car with your mother, and are approaching public animals. Do you:
/ a) Signal vigorously, using both Left and Right indicators
/ b) Brake erratically, using stamping motions
/ c) Swerve in a measured fashion, with your outermost tires going no more than 1' over the centerline or shoulder demarcation
/ d) Observe for warning pylons indicating disabled postal vehicles / 25. There are boxes in the road. Do you:
/ a) Indicate toward the shoulder for five seconds, then activate your hazard lights as you slow to a crawl
/ b) Not consume alcohol for three hours prior
/ c) Accelerate to disperse, as boxes generally do not contain living things or weights
/ d) Alert the driver behind you by performing a series of measured swerves / 30. A municipally sanctioned freshwater goods van with a livery designation is disabled in a crosswalk, and a man with a white cane has bumped against it. Do you:
/ a) Phone the zoo
/ b) Place your vehicle in Park while reducing the volume of the radio and alternating the turn indicator
/ c) Park perpendicular to the van, using your vehicle as a blockade against harm to the blind man
/ d) Honk twice and pass using a wide swerve / 18. It is night. A billboard featuring dogs in graduated heights distracts you, and you accelerate to nearly 120MPH. A highway patrol officer pursues you with his sirens activated. Do you:
/ a) Create an accident, so as to complicate the paperwork and increase room for legal technicalities
/ b) Increase your speed to 150MPH, so that the officer can no longer legally pursue you
/ c) Squash the brake pedal with both feet and increase the volume of the radio while indication to the shoulder
/ d) Electronically open trunk while at speed and indicate to shoulder, signifying both a wish to comply but also a desire to seek out a well-lit turnoff http://achewood.com/index.php?date=12102009 |
| Achewood - December 11, 2001 | [[Lie Bot and Philippe are standing in the corner of a room.]]
/ Lie Bot: I heard on the news that Osama bin Laden snuck into the United States!
/ Philippe: Really, Lie Bot? / Lie Bot: Yeah. He could pop out anywhere, they said. / [[Both stand in silence]] / Philippe: Could he even be in the computer? / Lie Bot: No, only good people can hide in computers.
/ Philippe: Phew! / [[Philippe is asleep in bed. He dreams that he is sitting in front of a computer. Caption: THAT NIGHT]]
/ Philippe: Magnum P.I.!
/ Magnum P.I. (inside computer): Hurry Philippe! We need to save the princess! Get on this pony! http://achewood.com/index.php?date=12112001 |
| Dreams of good people | [[Lie Bot and Philippe are standing in the corner of a room.]]
/ Lie Bot: I heard on the news that Osama bin Laden snuck into the United States!
/ Philippe: Really, Lie Bot? / Lie Bot: Yeah. He could pop out anywhere, they said. / [[Both stand in silence. Philippe is distressed.]] / Philippe: Could he even be in the computer? / Lie Bot: No, only good people can hide in computers.
/ Philippe: Phew! / Caption: THAT NIGHT
/ [[Philippe is asleep in bed. He dreams that he is sitting in front of the computer.]]
/ Philippe: Magnum P.I.!
/ Magnum P.I. (from inside computer): Hurry, Philippe! We need to save the princess! Get on this pony! http://achewood.com/index.php?date=12112001 |
| McDonald's/Dancin' Santa | [[Shot of McDonald's highway sign.]]
/ Ray: Oh! Oh! McDonald's! Let's stop!
/ Beef: aw sweet Man I am so hungry / < http://achewood.com/index.php?date=12112002 |
| McDonald's/Dancin' Santa | [[Shot of McDonald's Drive-Thru highway sign.]]
/ Ray: Oh! Oh! McDonald's! Let's stop!
/ Roast Beef: aw sweet Man I am so hungry / [[Ray and Roast Beef are in Beef's Galaxie, parked next to the drive-thru window. A Dancing Santa toy is in the window.]]
/ < http://achewood.com/index.php?date=12112002 |
| Achewood - December 11, 2003 | [[Roast Beef lays on the floor, talking into a phone]]
/ Roast Beef: Well you see Rose
/ Roast Beef: My situation is this / Roast Beef: My friend Ray sold his soul to the Devil for a magical piano
/ Roast Beef: Yeah to impress ladies with exactly / Roast Beef: Recently he died of ice cream headache brought on by consuming a large number of Tofutti-Cuties
/ Roast Beef: Naturally he went straight to Hell / [[Looking at an electrical outlet]]
/ Roast Beef: What
/ Roast Beef: Oh it's like this vegan ice cream sandwich / Roast Beef: But anyway
/ Roast Beef: Do you think that if I throw up into an electric outlet I will most likely die and go to Hell too / Roast Beef: Heh heh yeah I guess you don't have that one in your Butterball database
/ Roast Beef: Tell you what
/ Roast Beef: I'll give it a shot and if I don't call back in five, it was nice talking to you
/ < http://achewood.com/index.php?date=12112003 |
| Butterball Hell Line | [[Roast Beef lays on the floor, talking into a phone]]
/ Roast Beef: Well you see Rose
/ Roast Beef: My situation is this / Roast Beef: My friend Ray sold his soul to the Devil for a magical piano
/ Roast Beef: Yeah to impress ladies with exactly / Roast Beef: Recently he died of ice cream headache brought on by consuming a large number of Tofutti-Cuties
/ Roast Beef: Naturally he went straight to Hell / [[Looking at an electrical outlet]]
/ Roast Beef: What
/ Roast Beef: Oh it's like this vegan ice cream sandwich / Roast Beef: But anyway
/ Roast Beef: Do you think that if I throw up into an electric outlet I will most likely die and go to Hell too / Roast Beef: Heh heh yeah I guess you don't have that one in your Butterball database
/ Roast Beef: Tell you what
/ Roast Beef: I'll give it a shot and if I don't call back in five, it was nice talking to you
/ < http://achewood.com/index.php?date=12112003 |
| Achewood - December 11, 2006 (Mister Band) | [[Nice Pete, on the phone]]
/ Nice Pete: Hello, Lyle. I understand that you play on the bass. / [[Lyle, bottle in one hand and cell in the other]]
/ Lyle: Huh? Oh, hey Cropes. Yeah, I got an old Rick. What's up? / [[Nice Pete, pen, in mouth]]
/ Nice Pete: I would like to form a music band with you, if you don't mind.
/ Nice Pete: You see, I very much enjoy the stress I feel when many, many people are looking at me. I also enjoy music from time to time. / [[Side Profile of Nice Pete, writing while talking]]
/ Nice Pete: I will be the singer. You do not need to worry about the singing, I will take care of that task. / [[Forward short of Nice Pete]]
/ Nice Pete: Actually, I have already finalized it. We will be called Mister Band. It is a good, honest name that people can believe in. What? / [[Lyle]]
/ Nice Pete on phone: No, there is not a particular style such as blues or heavy metal. I don't care about any of that. It will just be good music, played well by men.
/ Nice Pete on phone: Come over now and we will record a hit album. Then we can play a concert tonight as the people go crazy. / {{title-text: Mister Band}}
/ {{alt-text: Nice Pete and Lyle are starting a music-core band. Stay tuned.}} http://achewood.com/index.php?date=12112006 |
| Achewood - December 11, 2006 (Mister Band) | [[Nice Pete, on the phone]]
/ Nice Pete: Hello, Lyle. I understand that you play on the bass. / [[Lyle, bottle in one hand and cell in the other]]
/ Lyle: Huh? Oh, hey Cropes. Yeah, I got an old Rick. What's up? / [[Nice Pete, pen, in mouth]]
/ Nice Pete: I would like to form a music band with you, if you don't mind.
/ Nice Pete: You see, I very much enjoy the stress I feel when many, many people are looking at me. I also enjoy music from time to time. / [[Side Profile of Nice Pete, writing while talking]]
/ Nice Pete: I will be the singer. You do not need to worry about the singing, I will take care of that task. / [[Forward short of Nice Pete]]
/ Nice Pete: Actually I have already finalized it. We will be called Mister Band. It is a good, honest name that people can believe in. What? / [[Lyle]]
/ Nice Pete on phone: No, there is not a particular style such as blues or heavy metal. I don't care about any of that. It will just be good music, played well by men.
/ Nice Pete on phone: Come over now and we will record a hit album. Then we can play a concert tonight as the people go crazy. / {{title-text: Mister Band}}
/ {{alt-text: Nice Pete and Lyle are starting a music-core band. Stay tuned.}} http://achewood.com/index.php?date=12112006 |
| Mister Band | [[Nice Pete, on the phone]]
/ Nice Pete: Hello, Lyle. I understand that you play on the bass. / [[Lyle, bottle in one hand and cell in the other]]
/ Lyle: Huh? Oh, hey Cropes. Yeah, I got an old Rick. What's up? / [[Nice Pete, pen, in mouth]]
/ Nice Pete: I would like to form a music band with you, if you don't mind.
/ Nice Pete: You see, I very much enjoy the stress I feel when many, many people are looking at me. I also enjoy music from time to time. / [[Side Profile of Nice Pete, writing while talking]]
/ Nice Pete: I will be the singer. You do not need to worry about the singing, I will take care of that task. / [[Forward short of Nice Pete]]
/ Nice Pete: Actually, I have already finalized it. We will be called Mister Band. It is a good, honest name that people can believe in. What? / [[Lyle]]
/ Nice Pete on phone: No, there is not a particular style such as blues or heavy metal. I don't care about any of that. It will just be good music, played well by men.
/ Nice Pete on phone: Come over now and we will record a hit album. Then we can play a concert tonight as the people go crazy. / {{title-text: Mister Band}}
/ {{alt-text: Nice Pete and Lyle are starting a music-core band. Stay tuned.}} http://achewood.com/index.php?date=12112006 |
| Achewood - December 11, 2007 | [[RAY dancing into room]]
/ RAY: Man, I just had a COMPLETELY trashy orgasm! / [[TÉODOR and MISTER BEAR glare at RAY]]
/ TÉODOR: Shut up, dude! We're worried about something else! Philippe has an Internet sex stalker!
/ RAY: I took care of that. / [[TÉODOR looks surprised at RAY]]
/ TÉODOR: I... what do you mean?
/ RAY: I got rid of that guy. Nolan? Yeah. You all think I don't pay attention, but that is a damn mistake. / TÉODOR: How did you know about Nolan?
/ RAY: Again, there you go! What in the damn hell do you think I do all day? I take care of my people! I knew about that crap from day one! / TÉODOR: How did you know Nolan was about to molest Philippe?
/ RAY: Because I pay attention. I PAY ATTENTION. You didn't know I was paying attention because you weren't PAYING ATTENTION. / [[closeup on RAY, annoyed]]
/ RAY: When I was a kid, a teacher told me to pay attention. I guess I took it to heart.
/ RAY: Beats me, man. Beats me why most dudes suck. Sure as hell ain't my scene. / {{ALT: If you don't pay attention, where the hell do you get off?}} http://achewood.com/index.php?date=12112007 |
| Achewood - December 12, 2001 | [[Lyle and Téodor stand behind a table. In front of Téodor is an open Yellow Pages and a list. He is on the phone.]]
/ Téodor: Hi, I'm too drunk to drive. Can you please send a taxi to 62 Achewood Court? / Téodor: Great. Can the driver pick up some things on the way here? ...like food and liquor and stuff. / Téodor: Huh. Okay then, how about just some CDs and a blacklight? No? / Téodor: Hm. So all you do is give rides to drunk people? Did you get that idea from your mother? / [[The phone conversation over, Téodor address Lyle]]
/ Téodor: No dice.
/ Lyle: Nice going. What's for dinner then? / [[Teodor eats the phone]]
/ < http://achewood.com/index.php?date=12122001 |
| I am too drunk to drive | [[Lyle and Téodor stand at a table. In front of Téodor is an open Yellow Pages and a list. He is on the phone.]]
/ Téodor: Hi, I'm too drunk to drive. Can you please send a taxi to 62 Achewood Court? / Téodor: Great. Can the driver pick up some things on the way here?
/ Téodor ...like food and liquor and stuff. / Téodor: Huh. Okay then, how about just some CDs and a blacklight?
/ Téodor: No? / Téodor: Hm. So all you do is give rides to drunk people? Did you get that idea from your mother? / [[The phone conversation over, Téodor addresses Lyle.]]
/ Téodor: No dice.
/ Lyle: Nice going. What's for dinner then? / [[Teodor begins eating the phone]]
/ < http://achewood.com/index.php?date=12122001 |
| Achewood - December 12, 2003 | [[Roast Beef drives his Subaru Brat past a 7-Eleven sign]]
/ HELL
/ Roast Beef: Oh man I would love me a deli sandwich / [[Looking at a Pacific Bell phone booth]]
/ Roast Beef: Wonder if I can call all my dude at home on that old-school pay phone / [[Roast Beef dials a number on a pay phone]]
/ < http://achewood.com/index.php?date=12122003 |
| Beef and the Hell Phone | [[Roast Beef drives his Subaru Brat past a 7-Eleven sign]]
/ HELL
/ Roast Beef: Oh man I would love me a deli sandwich / [[Looking at a Pacific Bell phone booth]]
/ Roast Beef: Wonder if I can call all my dude at home on that old-school pay phone / [[Roast Beef dials a number on a pay phone]]
/ < http://achewood.com/index.php?date=12122003 |
| Ray's mom sense diabetes | [[Ray enters the room, toweling off. Roast Beef is reading, in a chair.]]
/ Ray: Man, but does it suck to run a mile! Back me up, Beef!
/ Beef: It cold sucks to run a mile / Ray: Never almost have diabetes, dude. It ain't no way to leave.
/ Can you believe I ran a damn mile? / Beef: It is the news of an age dogg
/ Ray: Anyhow, be quiet. I got to call my mom back.
/ [[Ray dials his phone.]] / Ray: Hi, mom! How you doin'? You doin' OK?
/ What? What do you mean my voice sounds "kind of thick"? / Ray: What?! No, mom! Ain't nobody got diabetes here! I promise!
/ Yes, I'll put Roast Beef on the line, mom. Sheesh. / [[Roast Beef is now holding the phone.]]
/ < http://achewood.com/index.php?date=12122005 |
| Ray's mom senses diabetes | [[Ray enters the room, toweling off. Roast Beef is reading, in a chair.]]
/ Ray: Man, but does it suck to run a mile! Back me up, Beef!
/ Beef: It cold sucks to run a mile / Ray: Never almost have diabetes, dude. It ain't no way to live.
/ Ray: Can you believe I ran a damn mile? / Beef: It is the news of an age dogg
/ Ray: Anyhow, be quiet. I got to call my mom back.
/ [[Ray dials his phone.]] / Ray: Hi, mom! How you doin'? You doin' OK?
/ Ray: What? What do you mean my voice sounds "kind of thick"? / Ray: What?! No, mom! Ain't nobody got diabetes here! I promise!
/ Ray: Yes, I'll put Roast Beef on the line, mom. Sheesh. / [[Roast Beef is now holding the phone.]]
/ [[Sounds of Ray writing on a piece of posterboard with a marker]]< http://achewood.com/index.php?date=12122005 |
| Ray's mom senses diabetes | [[Ray enters the room, toweling off. Roast Beef is reading, in a chair.]]
/ Ray: Man, but does it suck to run a mile! Back me up, Beef!
/ Beef: It cold sucks to run a mile / Ray: Never almost have diabetes, dude. It ain't no way to leave.
/ Can you believe I ran a damn mile? / Beef: It is the news of an age dogg
/ Ray: Anyhow, be quiet. I got to call my mom back.
/ [[Ray dials his phone.]] / Ray: Hi, mom! How you doin'? You doin' OK?
/ What? What do you mean my voice sounds "kind of thick"? / Ray: What?! No, mom! Ain't nobody got diabetes here! I promise!
/ Yes, I'll put Roast Beef on the line, mom. Sheesh. / [[Roast Beef is now holding the phone.]]
/ < http://achewood.com/index.php?date=12122005 |
| Ray's mom sense diabetes | [[Ray enters the room, toweling off. Roast Beef is reading, in a chair.]]
/ Ray: Man, but does it suck to run a mile! Back me up, Beef!
/ Beef: It cold sucks to run a mile / Ray: Never almost have diabetes, dude. It ain't no way to live.
/ Can you believe I ran a damn mile? / Beef: It is the news of an age dogg
/ Ray: Anyhow, be quiet. I got to call my mom back.
/ [[Ray dials his phone.]] / Ray: Hi, mom! How you doin'? You doin' OK?
/ What? What do you mean my voice sounds "kind of thick"? / Ray: What?! No, mom! Ain't nobody got diabetes here! I promise!
/ Yes, I'll put Roast Beef on the line, mom. Sheesh. / [[Roast Beef is now holding the phone.]]
/ < http://achewood.com/index.php?date=12122005 |
| Achewood - December 13, 2001 | [[Teodore in the left of the frame, stands next to a coffee table. Todd is sitting in his conversion van with his head out the window.]]
/ Teodore: Todd! Get off the coffee table!
/ Todd: Whatever you say, big fella. / [[The van's tires begin to smoke]]< http://achewood.com/index.php?date=12132001 |
| Gearbox Symphony | [[Téodor stands next to a coffee table. Todd is sitting in his conversion van on the table with his head out the window.]]
/ Téodor: Todd! Get off the coffee table!
/ Todd: Whatever you say, big fella. / [[The van's tires begin to smoke]]
/ < http://achewood.com/index.php?date=12132001 |
| Gearbox Symphony | [[Teodor in the left of the frame, stands next to a coffee table. Todd is sitting in his conversion van with his head out the window.]]
/ Teodor: Todd! Get off the coffee table!
/ Todd: Whatever you say, big fella. / [[The van's tires begin to smoke]]< http://achewood.com/index.php?date=12132001 |
| Achewood - December 13, 2002 | [[Ray and Roast Beef are driving through the Mojave desert at night. Roast Beef is behind the wheel.]]
/ Ray: Beef!
/ Ray: You know what we oughta do on this road trip?
/ Ray: We should go campin'! / Roast Beef: Man I hate campin'
/ Roast Beef: I ain't goin' noplace ain't got no shower and no bed / Ray: Think about it, Beef!
/ Ray: Getting' drunk under the stars, fryin' up sausages!
/ Ray: All laughin' and tellin' lies! / Roast Beef: All eatin' eggs outta the pan
/ Roast Beef: The eggs all not cooked all the way
/ Roast Beef: All ashes in the egg / Ray: All meetin' some ladies, invitin' em to our tent! / Roast Beef: All asleep with tarantulas on my face
/ Roast Beef: You all passed out and spoonin' me / {{hover text: there's a lotta stuff can go wrong when campin}} http://achewood.com/index.php?date=12132002 |
| Achewood - December 13, 2002 | [[Ray and Roast Beef in the car at night. Roast Beef is behind the wheel.]]
/ Ray: Beef!
/ Ray: You know what we oughta do on this road trip?
/ Ray: We should go campin'! / Roast Beef: Man I hate campin'
/ Roast Beef: I ain't goin' noplace ain't got no shower and no bed / Ray: Think about it, Beef!
/ Ray: Gettin' drunk under the stars, fryin' up sausages!
/ Ray: All laughin' and tellin' lies! / Roast Beef: All eatin' eggs outta the pan
/ Roast Beef: The eggs all not cooked all the way
/ Roast Beef: All ashes in the egg / Ray: All meetin' some ladies, invitin' em to our tent! / [[Long shot of the car on the road through the desert.]]
/ Roast Beef: All asleep with tarantulas on my face
/ Roast Beef: You all passed out and spoonin' me / {{hover text: there's a lotta stuff can go wrong when campin}}
/ {{Archive title: Camping}} http://achewood.com/index.php?date=12132002 |
| Achewood - December 13, 2004 | [[Roast Beef and Ray are in a grocery store. Ray is eating some cookies.]] / Roast Beef: Dang Ray man you can't eat the cookies before you buy them what the hell / Ray: Nonsense! / Roast Beef: You can't drink beer in the store put that down or the cops will come! / Ray: Yum, man! / [[They see a sample stand with a sign that says "Griddled Corn" and a sample man gaping at them]]
/ Roast Beef: Alright good look here is something you are allowed to eat in the grocery store / Ray: Here, man! Have some brew! / Grocery store sample man: Yaaaay! / {{The little corn salesman loves to drink the beer}} http://achewood.com/index.php?date=12132004 |
| Achewood - December 13, 2006 | Nice Pete: Alright Lyle start playing on the bass and I will sing a song / Lyle: What kind of stuff you want me to play? Fast? Slow? Major? Minor? / Nice Pete: Just play a good song like a man would play at a concert
/ Lyle: Alright, I gotcha. / < http://achewood.com/index.php?date=12132006 |
| Achewood - December 13, 2006 | Nice Pete: Alright Lyle start playing on the bass and I will sing a song / Lyle: What kind of stuff you want me to play? Fast? Slow? Major? Minor? / Nice Pete: Just play a good song like a man would play at a concert
/ Lyle: Alright, I gotcha. / < http://achewood.com/index.php?date=12132006 |
| Ray signs Mister Band | Nice Pete: Alright Lyle start playing on the bass and I will sing a song / Lyle: What kind of stuff you want me to play? Fast? Slow? Major? Minor? / Nice Pete: Just play a good song like a man would play at a concert
/ Lyle: Alright, I gotcha. / < http://achewood.com/index.php?date=12132006 |
| Achewood - December 13, 2006 | Nice Pete: Alright lyle put your fingers on some strings and move them / Lyle: Yes sir nice Pete I'll do that / Nice Pete: Give it your urge
/ Lyle: Arrrr, I gotcha. / < http://achewood.com/index.php?date=12132006 |
| Achewood - December 13, 2006 | Nice Pete: Alright Lyle start playing on the bass and I will sing a song / Lyle: What kind of stuff you want me to play? Fast? Slow? Major? Minor? / Nice Pete: Just play a good song like a man would play at a concert
/ Lyle: Alright, I gotcha. / < http://achewood.com/index.php?date=12132006 |
| Achewood - December 13, 2006 | {{Nice Pete likes Leprechauns}}
/ Nice Pete: Alright Lyle start playing on the bass and I will sing a song / Lyle: What kind of stuff you want me to play? Fast? Slow? Major? Minor? / Nice Pete: Just play a good song like a man would play at a concert
/ Lyle: Alright, I gotcha. / < http://achewood.com/index.php?date=12132006 |
| Achewood - December 13, 2006 | [[Nice Pete is holding a microphone.]]
/ Nice Pete: Alright Lyle start playing on the bass and I will sing a song / [[Lyle is standing and wearing an electric guitar on a shoulder-strap.]]
/ Lyle: What kind of stuff you want me to play? Fast? Slow? Major? Minor? /
/ Nice Pete: Just play a good song like a man would play at a concert
/ Lyle: Alright, I gotcha.
/ [[Lyle prepares to play.]] / [[Lyle strums the guitar.]]
/ < http://achewood.com/index.php?date=12132006 |
| Achewood - December 13, 2007 | PREVIOUSLY.
/ [[Ray reading newspaper.]]
/ Ray: You know who I don't care about? Carol Burnett. Just can't. Just don't.
/ < http://achewood.com/index.php?date=12132007 |
| Achewood - December 14, 2001 | Philippe: Lyle's cussing!
/ Mr. Bear: He's cussing? / Philippe: He's cussing!
/ Mr. Bear: Is he cussing someone out?
/ Téodor: Who's cussing? / Mr. Bear: Lyle's cussing!
/ Téodor: What is he cussing about?
/ Philippe: He's just cussing! / Lyle: I'm cussing?
/ Mr. Bear and Téodor: You're cussing!
/ Philippe: No cussing! / < http://achewood.com/index.php?date=12142001 |
| An issue of cussing | Philippe: Lyle's cussing!
/ Mr. Bear: He's cussing? / Philippe: He's cussing!
/ Mr. Bear: Is he cussing someone out?
/ Téodor: Who's cussing? / Mr. Bear: Lyle's cussing!
/ Téodor: What is he cussing about?
/ Philippe: He's just cussing! / Lyle: I'm cussing?
/ Mr. Bear and Téodor: You're cussing!
/ Philippe: No cussing! / Caption: TODAY'S STRIP WRITTEN AND PRODUCED BY AARON SORKIN http://achewood.com/index.php?date=12142001 |
| Achewood - December 14, 2005 | [[Ray is seated, typing on the computer.]]
/ Computer text: Dear Reader's Digest,
/ < http://achewood.com/index.php?date=12142005 |
| Achewood - December 14, 2006 | Ray: See now Lyle, I ain't really into the whole leprechaun rock thing. Strikes me as foolish. But puttin' out music's in my blood, and part of puttin' out music means believin' in somethin' you don't believe in.
/ Lyle: Whatever. / Ray: You know, my grandfather, Antonyne Cheops Smuckles, was a bluesman before blues was regarded in most homes. / Lyle: Holy christ! Your grandpa was Rustmouth? / [[Ray: Yea. Mom came by for Thanksgiving and let it all drop low.]]
/ Ray: Would you like some mode code, mom?
/ Ray's Mother: Ah, Raymond. You truly have your grandfather's taste for cod. / [[Ray: He was dad's dad. You remember dad — Ramses Luther. GOF '73]]
/ Ray's Mother: Have I ever told you about him? His name was Antonyne Cheops, but we all called him Rustmouth Chafings.
/ Ray: Wait — THE Rustmouth?! / Ray's Mother: Oh, that old character. He died at my wedding! I do declare, everything that man did was sad.
/ Ray: Well look at that! It's half-past Chablis o'thirty! http://achewood.com/index.php?date=12142006 |
| Achewood - December 14, 2006 | Ray: See now Lyle, I ain't really into the whole leprechaun rock thing. Strikes me as foolish. But puttin' out music's in my blood, and part of puttin' out music means believin' in somethin' you don't believe in.
/ Lyle: Whatever. / Ray: You know, my grandfather, Antonyne Cheops Smuckles, was a bluesman before blues was regarded in most homes. / Lyle: Holy christ! Your grandpa was Rustmouth? / [[Ray: Yea. Mom came by for Thanksgiving and let it all drop low.]]
/ Ray: Would you like some more cod, mom?
/ Ray's Mother: Ah, Raymond. You truly have your grandfather's taste for cod. / [[Ray: He was dad's dad. You remember dad — Ramses Luther. GOF '73]]
/ Ray's Mother: Have I ever told you about him? His name was Antonyne Cheops, but we all called him Rustmouth Chafings.
/ Ray: Wait — THE Rustmouth?! / Ray's Mother: Oh, that old character. He died at my wedding! I do declare, everything that man did was sad.
/ Ray: Well look at that! It's half-past Chablis o'thirty! http://achewood.com/index.php?date=12142006 |
| Achewood - December 14, 2006 | Ray: See now Lyle, I ain't really into the whole leprechaun rock thing. Strikes me as foolish. But puttin' out music's in my blood, and part of puttin' out music means believin' in somethin' you don't believe in.
/ Lyle: Whatever. / Ray: You know, my grandfather, Antonyne Cheops Smuckles, was a bluesman before blues was regarded in most homes. / Lyle: Holy christ! Your grandpa was Rustmouth? / [[Ray: Yeah. Mom came by for Thanksgiving and let it all drop low.]]
/ Ray: Would you like some more cod, mom?
/ Ray's Mother: Ah, Raymond. You truly have your grandfather's taste for cod. / [[Ray: He was dad's dad. You remember dad — Ramses Luther. GOF '73]]
/ Ray's Mother: Have I ever told you about him? His name was Antonyne Cheops, but we all called him Rustmouth Chafings.
/ Ray: Wait — THE Rustmouth?! / Ray's Mother: Oh, that old character. He died at my wedding! I do declare, everything that man did was sad.
/ Ray: Well look at that! It's half-past Chablis o'thirty! http://achewood.com/index.php?date=12142006 |
| Antonyne Cheops Smuckles | Ray: See now Lyle, I ain't really into the whole leprechaun rock thing. Strikes me as foolish. But puttin' out music's in my blood, and part of puttin' out music means believin' in somethin' you don't believe in.
/ Lyle: Whatever. / Ray: You know, my grandfather, Antonyne Cheops Smuckles, was a bluesman before blues was regarded in most homes. / Lyle: Holy christ! Your grandpa was Rustmouth? / [[Ray: Yeah. Mom came by for Thanksgiving and let it all drop low.]]
/ Ray: Would you like some mode code, mom?
/ Ray's Mother: Ah, Raymond. You truly have your grandfather's taste for cod. / [[Ray: He was dad's dad. You remember dad — Ramses Luther. GOF '73]]
/ Ray's Mother: Have I ever told you about him? His name was Antonyne Cheops, but we all called him Rustmouth Chafings.
/ Ray: Wait — THE Rustmouth?! / Ray's Mother: Oh, that old character. He died at my wedding! I do declare, everything that man did was sad.
/ Ray: Well look at that! It's half-past Chablis o'thirty! http://achewood.com/index.php?date=12142006 |
| Achewood - December 14, 2006 | Ray: See now Lyle, I ain't really into the whole leprechaun rock thing. Strikes me as foolish. But puttin' out music's in my blood, and part of puttin' out music means believin' in somethin' you don't believe in.
/ Lyle: Whatever. / Ray: You know, my grandfather, Antonyne Cheops Smuckles, was a bluesman before blues was regarded in most homes. / Lyle: Holy christ! Your grandpa was Rustmouth? / [[Ray: Yea. Mom came by for Thanksgiving and let it all drop low.]]
/ Ray: Would you like some mode cod, mom?
/ Ray's Mother: Ah, Raymond. You truly have your grandfather's taste for cod. / [[Ray: He was dad's dad. You remember dad — Ramses Luther. GOF '73]]
/ Ray's Mother: Have I ever told you about him? His name was Antonyne Cheops, but we all called him Rustmouth Chafings.
/ Ray: Wait — THE Rustmouth?! / Ray's Mother: Oh, that old character. He died at my wedding! I do declare, everything that man did was sad.
/ Ray: Well look at that! It's half-past Chablis o'thirty! http://achewood.com/index.php?date=12142006 |
| Achewood - December 14, 2006 | Ray: See now Lyle, I ain't really into the whole leprechaun-rock thing. Strikes me as foolish. But puttin' out music's in my blood, and part of puttin' out music means believin' in somethin' you don't believe in.
/ Lyle: Whatever. / Ray: You know, my grandfather, Antonyne Cheops Smuckles, was a bluesman before blues was regarded in most homes. / Lyle: Holy christ! Your grandpa was Rustmouth? / [[Ray: Yea. Mom came by for Thanksgiving and let it all drop low.]]
/ Ray: Would you like some more cod, mom?
/ Ray's Mother: Ah, Raymond. You truly have your grandfather's taste for cod. / [[Ray: He was dad's dad. You remember dad — Ramses Luther. GOF '73]]
/ Ray's Mother: Have I ever told you about him? His name was Antonyne Cheops, but we all called him Rustmouth Chafings.
/ Ray: Wait — THE Rustmouth?! / Ray's Mother: Oh, that old character. He died at my wedding! I do declare, everything that man did was sad.
/ Ray: Well look at that! It's half-past Chablis o'thirty! http://achewood.com/index.php?date=12142006 |
| Achewood - December 14, 2006 | {{Ray's Grandpa Rustmouth}}
/ Ray: See now Lyle, I ain't really into the whole leprechaun rock thing. Strikes me as foolish. But puttin' out music's in my blood, and part of puttin' out music means believin' in somethin' you don't believe in.
/ Lyle: Whatever. / Ray: You know, my grandfather, Antonyne Cheops Smuckles, was a bluesman before blues was regarded in most homes. / Lyle: Holy christ! Your grandpa was Rustmouth? / [[Ray: Yea. Mom came by for Thanksgiving and let it all drop low.]]
/ Ray: Would you like some mode code, mom?
/ Ray's Mother: Ah, Raymond. You truly have your grandfather's taste for cod. / [[Ray: He was dad's dad. You remember dad — Ramses Luther. GOF '73]]
/ Ray's Mother: Have I ever told you about him? His name was Antonyne Cheops, but we all called him Rustmouth Chafings.
/ Ray: Wait — THE Rustmouth?! / Ray's Mother: Oh, that old character. He died at my wedding! I do declare, everything that man did was sad.
/ Ray: Well look at that! It's half-past Chablis o'thirty! http://achewood.com/index.php?date=12142006 |
| Achewood - December 14, 2006 | Ray: See now Lyle, I ain't really into the whole leprechaun rock thing. Strikes me as foolish. But puttin' out music's in my blood, and part of puttin' out music means believin' in somethin' you don't believe in.
/ Lyle: Whatever. / Ray: You know, my grandfather, Antonyne Cheops Smuckles, was a bluesman before blues was regarded in most homes. / Lyle: Holy christ! Your grandpa was Rustmouth? / [[Ray: Yea. Mom came by for Thanksgiving and let it all drop low.]]
/ Ray: Would you like some more code, mom?
/ Ray's Mother: Ah, Raymond. You truly have your grandfather's taste for cod. / [[Ray: He was dad's dad. You remember dad — Ramses Luther. GOF '73]]
/ Ray's Mother: Have I ever told you about him? His name was Antonyne Cheops, but we all called him Rustmouth Chafings.
/ Ray: Wait — THE Rustmouth?! / Ray's Mother: Oh, that old character. He died at my wedding! I do declare, everything that man did was sad.
/ Ray: Well look at that! It's half-past Chablis o'thirty! http://achewood.com/index.php?date=12142006 |
| Achewood - December 14, 2006 | {{Antonyne Cheops Smuckles, aka Rustmouth Chafings And The Boy From Seller's Hall.}}
/ Ray: See now Lyle, I ain't really into the whole leprechaun rock thing. Strikes me as foolish. But puttin' out music's in my blood, and part of puttin' out music means believin' in somethin' you don't believe in.
/ Lyle: Whatever. / Ray: You know, my grandfather, Antonyne Cheops Smuckles, was a bluesman before blues was regarded in most homes. / Lyle: Holy christ! Your grandpa was Rustmouth? / [[Ray: Yea. Mom came by for Thanksgiving and let it all drop low.]]
/ Ray: Would you like some more cod, mom?
/ Ray's Mother: Ah, Raymond. You truly have your grandfather's taste for cod. / [[Ray: He was dad's dad. You remember dad — Ramses Luther. GOF '73]]
/ Ray's Mother: Have I ever told you about him? His name was Antonyne Cheops, but we all called him Rustmouth Chafings.
/ Ray: Wait — THE Rustmouth?! / Ray's Mother: Oh, that old character. He died at my wedding! I do declare, everything that man did was sad.
/ Ray: Well look at that! It's half-past Chablis o'thirty! http://achewood.com/index.php?date=12142006 |
| Achewood - December 14, 2006 | Ray: See now Lyle, I ain't really into the whole leprechaun rock thing. Strikes me as foolish. But puttin' out music's in my blood, and part of puttin' out music means believin' in somethin' you don't believe in.
/ Lyle: Whatever. / Ray: You know, my grandfather, Antonyne Cheops Smuckles, was a bluesman before blues was regarded in most homes. / Lyle: Holy christ! Your grandpa was Rustmouth? / [[Ray: Yea. Mom came by for Thanksgiving and let it all drop low.]]
/ Ray: Would you like some more cod, mom?
/ Ray's Mother: Ah, Raymond. You truly have your grandfather's taste for cod. / [[Ray: He was dad's dad. You remember dad — Ramses Luther. GOF '73]]
/ Ray's Mother: Have I ever told you about him? His name was Antonyne Cheops, but we all called him Rustmouth Chafings.
/ Ray: Wait — THE Rustmouth?! / Ray's Mother: Oh, that old character. He died at my wedding! I do declare, everything that man did was sad.
/ Ray: Well look at that! It's half-past Chablis o'thirty! http://achewood.com/index.php?date=12142006 |
| Achewood - December 14, 2006 | Ray: See now Lyle, I ain't really into the whole leprechaun rock thing. Strikes me as foolish. But puttin' out music's in my blood, and part of puttin' out music means believin' in somethin' you don't believe in.
/ Lyle: Whatever. / Ray: You know, my grandfather, Antonyne Cheops Smuckles, was a bluesman before blues was regarded in most homes. / Lyle: Holy christ! Your grandpa was Rustmouth? / [[Ray: Yeah. Mom came by for Thanksgiving and let it all drop low.]]
/ Ray: Would you like some mode cod, mom?
/ Ray's Mother: Ah, Raymond. You truly have your grandfather's taste for cod. / [[Ray: He was dad's dad. You remember dad — Ramses Luther. GOF '73.]]
/ Ray's Mother: Have I ever told you about him? His name was Antonyne Cheops, but we all called him Rustmouth Chafings.
/ Ray: Wait — THE Rustmouth?! / Ray's Mother: Oh, that old character. He died at my wedding! I do declare, everything that man did was sad.
/ Ray: Well look at that! It's half-past Chablis o'thirty! http://achewood.com/index.php?date=12142006 |
| Achewood § December 14, 2007 | The Philippe Times - Vol 9 No. 23 "Pigs are lovely little guys!" / Friday facts by Philippe, editor-in-chief / DID YOU KNOW
/ ------------------------------
/ I wonder if there has ever been a business based on shooting horses that other people didn't want to shoot. You know, like if the horse had a broken leg, or eyes the same color as meatballs. / FACT ! Know why they shoot a horse with a broken leg? To keep him from "horsin' around!" (Just kidding - it's so that people don't have to watch his agony.) / Andrew Dice Clay is now a children's services worker in Los Bahalia, New Jersy. His current name is Saul L. Weeks, and he has gone through certification. (Thanks, LB!) / MUFFIN CORNER
/ The muffin, that most famous of foods, was invented in 1612 by Sir Clyde Muffin of Pence-upon-Breedgate. Legend has it, he was portly and stank of nectar. / THE WORLD's FASTEST CAR?
/ The Shelby "Ultimate Aero TT." THE SLOWEST CAR? The Microspeed Industries "Kelvin Zero." (Bottom speed: absolute zero!) It's a frozen car that they use to run scientific tests on. / [[Insert of the Kelvin Zero]]
/ The Kelvin Zero, in the fridge at Kelvin Labs. / Pat came to Ray's party last week! He was drinking Dr. Mohid Prashad's Celery Wine for Thinkers. They say he doesn't like the good stuff. / TOWER HOUR
/ Towers used to be for spying on approaching enemies, but these days they aren't too handy. I'm a tower guy since way back, so I hate to say it! / IS THERE ANYTHING THOMAS EDISON *DIDN'T* INVENT?
/ Yes. Adjustable dinner room lights, a lady who is a waiter that has a tie on, and Dr. Pepper. (He invented a good drink called Sir Horace Pepper's Font of Ardor that tasted the same, but he did not have the time to market it right!) / Ray is here! He came over. He is telling everybody about his new recipe for "flash-tried cheesecake." / Pat was also nibbled on "Sun-Inured Raita" last week, instead of 'dogs and burgers. Kind of like a white cheese-jerky in milk.
/ --------------------------------------
/ {{Editor's note from Beef}}
/ He had a lot more help than usual from L.B. this week so I wouldn't take this stuff too much to heart. - RBK http://achewood.com/index.php?date=12142007 |
| a class="searchlink" href="http://achewood.com/index.php?date=12142011">http://achewood.com/index.php?date=12142011 | [untranscribed - please consider transcribing this comic!] |
| Phillipe buys piano music! | [[Roast Beef is in a phone booth in Hell.]]
/ Beef: Philippe no don't hang up little guy ! It's BEEF ! / [[Philippe is on the other end of the phone, not in Hell, looking annoyed.]]
/ Narrator: BUT WHAT IS HEARD...
/ Telephone: May I interest you in our exclusive collection of 100 Piano Masterpieces, on five CDs, for the low low price of only $19.99 each? / Philippe thinks: Hm. I DO feel pretty bad that I don't know very much about piano music. This might be a good opportunity. / Philippe: OK. I am interested in getting piano CDs. / [[Beef in the phone booth.]]
/ Beef: What ? You mean that's what you want for Christmas Philippe ? / [[Philippe's telephone is still translating the conversation into cold-call.]]
/ Telephone: Excellent, sir. We'll ship it to 62 Achewood Court. Is this correct?
/ Philippe: Yes it is. Okay, I look forward to receiving the piano music in a few days. / [[Beef in the phone booth.]]
/ Beef: O-Okay Philippe / {{alt text:It is important to understand piano music.}} http://achewood.com/index.php?date=12152003 |
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