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| Ray Against Unnecessary Faxes | [[Ray is on the phone]]
/ Ray: That's right, just want to renew my health insurance.
/ Lemme give you my Visa, we'll be all wrapped up here. / Ray: Wait, what?
/ You got to be kiddin' me. You need me to sign a form and FAX it back in? / Ray: No, I ain't got a fax machine! I also ain't got an Apple... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=11222006 |
| Ray Against Unnecessary Faxes | [[Ray is on the phone]]
/ Ray: That's right, just want to renew my health insurance.
/ Ray: Lemme give you my Visa, we'll be all wrapped up here. / Ray: Wait, what?
/ Ray: You got to be kiddin' me. You need me to sign a form and FAX it back in? / Ray: No, I ain't got a fax machine! I also ain't got an... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=11222006 |
| Ray Against Unnecessary Faxes | [[Ray is on the phone]]
/ Ray: That's right, just want to renew my health insurance.
/ Lemme give you my Visa, we'll be all wrapped up here. / Ray: Wait, what?
/ You got to be kiddin' me. You need me to sign a form and FAX it back in? / [[Ray hunches forward, shaking with rage]]
/ Ray: No, I ain't got... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=11222006 |
| Ray Against Unnecessary Faxes | [[Ray is on the phone with a martini in his hand]]
/ Ray: That's right, just want to renew my health insurance.
/ Lemme give you my Visa, we'll be all wrapped up here. / [[Ray's back is turned to the reader, but even here his twitching is visible]]
/ Ray: Wait, what?
/ You got to be kiddin' me. You need... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=11222006 |
| Ray Against Unnecessary Faxes | [[Ray is on the phone]]
/ Ray: That's right, just want to renew my health insurance.
/ Lemme give you my Visa, we'll be all wrapped up here. / Ray: Wait, what?
/ You got to be kiddin' me. You need me to sign a form and FAX it back in? / Ray: No, I ain't got a fax machine! I also ain't got an Apple... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=11222006 |
| Achewood - November 23, 2001 | [[Téodor kneels by Todd's overturned van, which is leaking dark fluid. Lie Bot stands nearby. Todd, not visible, speaks from inside the van.]]
/ Todd: Is the van messed up real bad?
/ Téodor: Sort of -- what's leaking out?! / [[Lie Bot walks away. Todd emerges from the van, clearly inebriated.]]
/ Todd:... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=11232001 |
| Closure | [[Téodor kneels by Todd's overturned van, which is leaking dark fluid. Lie Bot stands nearby. Todd, not visible, speaks from inside the van.]]
/ Todd: Is the van messed up real bad?
/ Téodor: Sort of -- what's leaking out?! / [[Lie Bot walks away. Todd emerges from the van, clearly inebriated.]]
/ Todd:... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=11232001 |
| Twenty Thousand Seconds Dead | [[Pat stares aghast at Mr. Bear's recumbent body]] / [[Phillipe arrives]]
/ Phillipe: Pat, what's evaporation?
/ Pat: What? WHAT?! / Phillipe: Hey! How come Mr. Bear is lying down? / [[Pat turning to run]]
/ Pat: We... we're playin' hide and seek! It's my turn to hide!
/ Don't bother him! He's counting... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=11232004 |
| Twenty Thousand Seconds Dead | [[Pat stares aghast at Mr. Bear's recumbent body]] / [[Phillipe arrives]]
/ Phillipe: Pat, what's evaporation?
/ Pat: What? WHAT?! / Phillipe: Hey! How come Mr. Bear is lying down? / [[Pat turning to run]]
/ Pat: We... we're playin' hide and seek! It's my turn to hide!
/ Don't bother him! He's counting... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=11232004 |
| Achewood - November 23, 2005 | [[Caption: SEVERAL DAYS PASS.]]
/ [[Molly is holding a toothbrush.]]
/ Molly: Is Showbiz going to be around for very long? He left a huge hair on my new Aveda soap. / [[Molly and Roast Beef are seen from behind, standing in front of a bathroom sink. Both are brushing their teeth.]]
/ Roast Beef: Oh uh... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=11232005 |
| a class="searchlink" href="http://achewood.com/index.php?date=11232008">http://achewood.com/index.php?date=11232008 | [untranscribed - please consider transcribing this comic!] |
| Achewood - November 24, 2003 | [[Raindrops fall on the road]]
/ < http://achewood.com/index.php?date=11242003 |
| Achewood - November 24, 2004 | [[iPod text: Sexxual Devyce AKA Tha Murky Patrolman]] / Philippe: Ray, can I have fifty cents for a Skor bar from the vending machine?
/ Ray: You shouldn't eat that stuff, Philippe. Candy bars are hell of hinge on the body. / Philippe: But you just ate one! I saw!
/ Philippe: You had a Three Musketeers... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=11242004 |
| Achewood § November 24, 2009 | He's awake again. It's your turn
/ KNOCK! :) KNOCK! :) KNOCK! ACHOO! / Dammit you know I get a nervous breakdown if I get up this early
/ FINE! I'LL watch Poop Group Hooligans with him again! YOU stay in bed! / It's called The Backyardigans and watch your temper or you'll teach him to act that way too
/ FUCK... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=11242009 |
| Achewood - November 25, 2002 | [[Ray and Roast Beef. Roast Beef has his eyes shut.]]
/ Ray: Alright Beef, now open your eyes! / [[Roast Beef peeks.]] / [[Roast Beef startles.]] / [[A car.]]
/ Ray: It's a '65 Ford Galaxie, just like you always talkin' about!
/ Roast Beef: oh my god with the cammer 427 657 bhp banned in six... http://achewood.com/?date=11252002 |
| '65 Ford Galaxie | [[Ray leads Roast Beef, whose eyes are closed, into a room]]
/ Ray: Alright Beef, now open your eyes! / [[Roast Beef opens one eye.]] / [[Roast Beef mouth hangs open in shock.]] / [[Beef and Ray are dwarfed by a large 2-door car]]
/ Ray: It's a '65 Ford Galaxie, just like you always talkin' about!
/ Roast... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=11252002 |
| '65 Ford Galaxie | [[Ray leads Roast Beef, whose eyes are closed.]]
/ Ray: Alright Beef, now open your eyes! / [[Roast Beef opens one eye.]] / [[Roast Beef starts in amazement.]] / [[Beef and Ray are in a garage, and dwarfed by a large 2-door car.]]
/ Ray: It's a '65 Ford Galaxie, just like you always talkin' about!
/ Roast... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=11252002 |
| Achewood - November 25, 2003 | [[At night, a shadowy person with a gun stands in the rain.]] / [[Roast Beef pulls up in his Ford Galaxy]]
/ Roast Beef: What in the HELL / [[Ray in a parka is illuminated, holding a gun.]] / [[A deer's leg rests in a puddle of rainwater.]]
/ < http://achewood.com/index.php?date=11252003 |
| Tori Amos | [[At night, a shadowy person with a gun stands in the rain.]] / [[Roast Beef pulls up in his Ford Galaxy]]
/ Roast Beef: What in the HELL / [[Ray in a parka is illuminated, holding a gun.]] / [[A deer's leg rests in a puddle of rainwater.]]
/ < http://achewood.com/index.php?date=11252003 |
| Achewood - November 26, 2001 | [[Téodor is wearing a headband and is standing in an athletic kind of position]]
/ Téodor: Come jogging in the backyard with me!
/ Cornelius: I can't. / Téodor: Why not?
/ Cornelius: This robe is my only outfit. / Téodor: Just jog in the buff! No one's gonna see.
/ Cornelius: Absolutely not! / Téodor:... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=11262001 |
| Three's company | [[Téodor is wearing a headband and is standing in an athletic kind of position. Cornelius sits on the sofa.]]
/ Téodor: Come jogging in the backyard with me!
/ Cornelius: I can't. / Téodor: Why not?
/ Cornelius: This robe is my only outfit. / Téodor: Just jog in the buff! No one's gonna see.
/ Cornelius:... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=11262001 |
| Achewood - November 26, 2001 | [[Téodor is wearing a headband and is standing in an athletic kind of position. Cornelius is sitting on the couch.]]
/ Téodor: Come jogging in the backyard with me!
/ Cornelius: I can't. / Téodor: Why not?
/ Cornelius: This robe is my only outfit. / Téodor: Just jog in the buff! No one's gonna see.
/ Cornelius:... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=11262001 |
| Achewood - November 26, 2002 | [[Ray and Roast Beef are in a car.]]
/ Roast Beef: What's that suitcase for Ray / Ray: We goin' on a road trip, Beef!
/ Roast Beef: That's ridiculous
/ Roast Beef: Ain't no way two cats can drive a dang car in public / Ray: Let's say some cops pull us over...we just make a break for it! Ain't no human... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=11262002 |
| Achewood - November 26, 2002 | [[Ray and Roast Beef are in a car.]]
/ Roast Beef: What's that suitcase for Ray / Ray: We goin' on a road trip, Beef!
/ Roast Beef: That's ridiculous
/ Roast Beef: Ain't no way two cats can drive a dang car in public / Ray: Let's say some cops pull us over...we just make a break for it! Ain't no human... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=11262002 |
| Achewood - November 26, 2002 | [[Ray and Roast Beef are in a car.]]
/ Roast Beef: What's that suitcase for Ray / Ray: We goin' on a road trip, Beef!
/ Roast Beef: That's ridiculous
/ Roast Beef: Ain't no way two cats can drive a dang car in public / Ray: Let's say some cops pull us over...we just make a break for it! Ain't no human... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=11262002 |
| Achewood - November 26, 2004 | [[In Ray's bathroom. Ray is peeing]]
/ Ray: Aw, man! I just peed all on the floor around the toilet bowl!
/ Ray: I tell you, I ain't nobody's picnic. / [[Dr. Andretti opens the bathroom door]]
/ < http://achewood.com/index.php?date=11262004 |
| a class="searchlink" href="http://achewood.com/index.php?date=11262008">http://achewood.com/index.php?date=11262008 | [untranscribed - please consider transcribing this comic!] |
| Achewood - November 27, 2001 | Lie Bot: I'd like to take this time to introduce Achewood's new cast of characters! replacing last year's troupe will be: / Lie Bot: Albert the College-Educated Cat,
/ Albert: I'm a Usability Engineer! It is too a real job! / Lie Bot: Shortcakes the Leprechaun,
/ Shortcakes: I've only got the one arm,... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=11272001 |
| Replacement Characters | Lie Bot: I'd like to take this time to introduce Achewood's new cast of characters! Replacing last year's troupe will be:
/ [[Lie Bot wears bow tie; blank background]] / Lie Bot: Albert the College-Educated Cat,
/ Albert: I'm a Usability Engineer! It is too a real job! / Lie Bot: Shortcakes the Leprechaun,
/ Shortcakes:... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=11272001 |
| Achewood - November 27, 2001 | Lie Bot: I'd like to take this time to introduce Achewood's new cast of characters! replacing last year's troupe will be: / Lie Bot: Albert the College-Educated Cat,
/ Albert: I'm a Usability Engineer! It is too a real job! / Lie Bot: Shortcakes the Leprechaun,
/ [[Shortcakes only has one arm.]]
/ Shortcakes:... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=11272001 |
| Achewood - November 27, 2002 | [[Ray and Roast Beef are driving in a car.] Roast Beef is behind the wheel.]
/ Ray: We ain't gonna see much of America at one mile an hour, Beef!
/ Roast Beef: oh hee hee!
/ Roast Beef: I can't believe we really doin' this! / Ray: Speed up!
/ Roast Beef: Settle down now
/ Roast Beef: We just warmin' this... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=11272002 |
| Achewood - November 27, 2002 | [[The car is driving onto the road.]]
/ Ray: We ain't gonna see much of America at one mile an hour, Beef!
/ Roast Beef: oh hee hee!
/ Roast Beef: I can't believe we really doin' this! / [[Ray and Roast Beef in the car. Roast Beef is at the wheel.]]
/ Ray: Speed up!
/ Roast Beef: Settle down now
/ Roast Beef:... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=11272002 |
| Nice Pete's Sketchbook | [[Teodor reads Nice Pete's sketchbook]] / Teodor: "Property of Peter H. Cropes." Wow! His personal sketchpad! / [[A view of Nice Pete staring at the reader]] / Teodor: A so-so human hand... you can tell he's been working at it a while...
/ < http://achewood.com/index.php?date=11272006 |
| Nice Pete's Sketchbook | [[Teodor reads Nice Pete's sketchbook]] / Teodor: [thinking] "Property of Peter H. Cropes." Wow! His personal sketchpad! / [[A view of Nice Pete staring at the reader]] / Teodor: [thinking] A so-so human hand... you can tell he's been working at it a while...
/ < http://achewood.com/index.php?date=11272006 |
| Nice Pete's Sketchbook | [[Teodor reads Nice Pete's sketchbook]] / Teodor: "Property of Peter H. Cropes." Wow! His personal sketchpad! / [[A view of Nice Pete staring at the reader]] / Teodor: A so-so human hand... you can tell he's been working at it a while...
/ < http://achewood.com/index.php?date=11272006 |
| Achewood § November 27, 2007 | [[Roast Beef on phone]]
/ Roast Beef: Alright Ray well uh that's all good and great but how do you know when to avoid a bathroom if a lady has been in there a while
/ [[Ray, on phone with martini]]
/ Ray: Chick don't need you figurin' that out for her. She's ten steps ahead of you. Chicks are the chess... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=11272007 |
| Kisses | [[Téodor sits at computer; Lyle looks on.]]
/ Lyle: Let me watch your chat. I'll tell you if she likes you.
/ Téodor: You'll know for sure? / Lyle: Yeah. Go for it.
/ [[Téodor types]]
/ < |
| Penny_in_a_fountain | [[Téodor sits typing at computer; Lyle looks on]]
/ Téodor: Penny_in_a_fountain thinks we should meet! She says I'm "funny"!
/ < http://achewood.com/index.php?date=11292001 |
| Llewellyn Ash, baby | [[Philippe is holding a doll.]]
/ Philippe: Oh boy! My mom sent me an I Am Capable Of Wonderful Things doll! / Doll: Hello. I am a small baby. My name is Llewellyn Ash. How do you do. / I am small, in this big, big world. I can't take care of myself yet, so I need people like you. Thank you. ... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=11292004 |
| Llewellyn Ash, baby | [[Philippe is holding a doll.]]
/ Philippe: Oh boy! My mom sent me an I Am Capable Of Wonderful Things doll! / [[Doll is lying on a changing table with Philippe standing over it, wiggling its foot.]]
/ Doll: Hello. I am a small baby. My name is Llewellyn Ash. How do you do. / I am small, in this... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=11292004 |
| Achewood - November 29, 2005 | The Todd Creation Myth / [[A stork carrying a bundle flaps its wings]] / Stork: ACHOO! / Stork: Aw, fuck! My burrito! / Stork: Crap! I paid like six bucks for that! / [[A Volcano]] / [[The bundle falls toward the mouth of the volcano.]] / < http://achewood.com/index.php?date=11292005 |
| Achewood - November 29, 2005 | The Todd Creation Myth / [[A stork carrying a bundle flaps its wings]] / Stork: ACHOO! / Stork: Aw, fuck! My burrito! / Stork: Crap! I paid like six bucks for that! / [[A Volcano]] / [[The bundle falls toward the mouth of the volcano.]] / < http://achewood.com/index.php?date=11292005 |
| Ray's Stupid Cell Phone Conversation | [[Ray's Escalade on the road, it's night]]
/ Ray [on phone]: Yeah, man! The fruit salad was hella raunchy! That fruit was ooooold. But that Captain's salami tray was tight, yo. You plump for the roast pork loin, dogg? Oh, proclaim on that pork loin! / [[Pat is revealed to be in the passenger seat next... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=11292006 |
| Ray's Stupid Cell Phone Conversation | [[Ray's Escalade on the road Underground]]
/ Ray: Yeah, man! The fruit salad was hella raunchy! That fruit was ooooold. But that Captain's salami tray was tight, yo. You plump for the roast pork loin, dogg? Oh, proclaim on that pork loin! / [[Ray and Pat in the Escalade]]
/ Pat: If you're going to have... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=11292006 |
| Ray's Stupid Cell Phone Conversation | [[Ray's Escalade on the road, it's night]]
/ Ray [on phone]: Yeah, man! The fruit salad was hella raunchy! That fruit was ooooold. But that Captain's salami tray was tight, yo. You plump for the roast pork loin, dogg? Oh, proclaim on that pork loin! / [[Pat is revealed to be in the passenger seat next... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=11292006 |
| Ray's Stupid Cell Phone Conversation | [[Ray's Escalade on the road, it's night]]
/ Ray [on phone]: Yeah, man! The fruit salad was hella raunchy! That fruit was ooooold. But that Captain's salami tray was tight, yo. You plump for the roast pork loin, dogg? Oh, proclaim on that pork loin! / [[Pat is revealed to be in the passenger seat next... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=11292006 |
| Achewood - November 29, 2007 - Lyle's Dildo | [[Téodor and Lyle, interior]]
/ Téodor: Lyle, I...Jesus, dude! Don't have a dildo in the house!
/ Lyle (looking over his shoulder): Aw, c'mon! Lay off! / Téodor: What do you even need that for, anyway?
/ Lyle (facing T): What's it matter? I got it, I have it! I can have anything. / Téodor: It'll cause... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=11292007 |
| Starting the old car | [[Téodor, Lie Bot, Cornelius, and Lyle are visible sitting in car; Téodor at wheel.]]
/ Téodor: Alright, you're supposed to lock the doors. Did you lock the doors?
/ Cornelius: Yup.
/ Lie Bot: Yes?
/ Lyle: Yo. / Téodor: Hmm... doors locked, still not starting. Philippe, are you pressing the pedals?
/ [[Philiippe... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=11302001 |
| Achewood - November 30, 2004 | [[Roast Beef examines the Taco Bell menu]]
/ Roast Beef: I wonder how much sodium a 7-layer burrito has versus a plain bean burrito. Maybe I should just get the Mexican Rice. No no that probably has tons of sodium. / Molly: May I take your order? / Roast Beef: Uh yeah does Diet Coke have very much sodium / Molly:... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=11302004 |
| Achewood - November 30, 2004 | [[Taco Bell sign]] / [[Roast Beef examines the Taco Bell menu]]
/ Roast Beef: I wonder how much sodium a 7-layer burrito has versus a plain bean burrito
/ Maybe I should just get the Mexican Rice
/ No no that probably has tons of sodium / Cashier(Molly): May I take your order? / Roast Beef: Uh yeah does... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=11302004 |
| Achewood - November 30, 2004 | [[Roast Beef examines the Taco Bell menu]]
/ Roast Beef (thinking): I wonder how much sodium a 7-layer burrito has versus a plain bean burrito. Maybe I should just get the Mexican Rice. No no that probably has tons of sodium. / Molly: May I take your order? / Roast Beef: Uh yeah does Diet Coke have... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=11302004 |
| Achewood - November 30, 2005 | Pat: Thank you for agreeing to evaluate my new eco-friendly, gluten-free CheatLof. / [[Ray looks skeptically at his plate.]] / Pat: Take a bite, chew it carefully, and notice what I've done. / [[Pat writes on a clipboard]]
/ < http://achewood.com/index.php?date=11302005 |
| CheatLoaf | Pat: Thank you for agreeing to evaluate my new eco-friendly, gluten-free CheatLoaf. [[Ray looks skeptical, and Roast Beef looks at his plate with suspicion, perhaps alarm.]] / [[Ray looks down at the thing on his plate]] / Pat: Take a bite, chew it carefully, and notice what I've done.
/ [[Pat writes... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=11302005 |
| Molly's Tiffany Slut Gift | [[Roast Beef sits in a recliner, looking despondent]]
/ Roast Beef: Dogg I just ain't know what to get Molly for Christmas this year / [[Ray is sitting on a matching recliner beside Roast Beef]]
/ Ray: Simple, dude. Get her some silver thing from Tiffany. That blue box is all you need, dogg. / Roast... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=11302006 |
| Molly's Tiffany Slut Gift | [[Roast Beef sits in a recliner, looking despondent]]
/ Roast Beef: Dogg I just ain't know what to get Molly for Christmas this year / [[Ray is sitting on a matching recliner beside Roast Beef]]
/ Ray: Simple, dude. Get her some silver thing from Tiffany. That blue box is all you need, dogg. / [[Roast... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=11302006 |
| Molly's Tiffany Slut Gift | [[Roast Beef sits in a recliner, looking despondent]]
/ Roast Beef: Dogg I just ain't know what to get Molly for Christmas this year / [[Ray is sitting beside Roast Beef on a matching recliner]]
/ Ray: Simple, dude. Get her some silver thing from Tiffany. That blue box is all you need, dogg. / Roast... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=11302006 |
| Molly's Tiffany Slut Gift | [[Roast Beef sits in a recliner, looking despondent]]
/ Roast Beef: Dogg I just ain't know what to get Molly for Christmas this year / [[Panel zooms out to reveal Ray is sitting on a matching recliner next to Roast Beef]]
/ Ray: Simple, dude. Get her some silver thing from Tiffany. That blue box is all... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=11302006 |
| Achewood - November 30, 2007 | [[No dialogue. Lyle, wearing a paper server's hat, is working a coffee cart called the Perky Pervert: Java for Freaks (according to the sign). There is a case for pastries of indistinct nature, and a hand lettered sign on the front offers to "Dildo it!" for $1.]] / [[No dialogue. An anthropomorphic... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=11302007 |
| Achewood - December 1, 2003 | [[Teodor is standing looking at a clipboard and Ray is standing, wearing a towel around his waist and drying off his head with another towel]] / Teodor: Alright, Ray. It looks like you get the next storyline.
/ Ray: Lay it on me! / Teodor: ahem
/ Teodor: "Ray reads Fast Food Nation and decides to become... http://achewood.com/?date=12012003 |
| Achewood - December 1, 2003 | [[Téodor is holding a clipboard, Ray dries himself off with a towel]]
/ Téodor: Alright, Ray. It looks like you get the next storyline.
/ Ray: Lay it on me! / Téodor: ahem
/ Téodor: "Ray reads Fast Food Nation and decides to become a Vegan." / Ray: Whoah. I call bullshit on that one.
/ Téodor: Hold your... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=12012003 |
| Hell's Car: Subaru Brat | [[Téodor is holding a clipboard, Ray dries himself off with a towel]]
/ Téodor: Alright, Ray. It looks like you get the next storyline.
/ Ray: Lay it on me! / Téodor: ahem
/ Téodor: "Ray reads Fast Food Nation and decides to become a Vegan." / Ray: Whoah. I call bullshit on that one.
/ Téodor: Hold your... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=12012003 |
| Achewood - December 1, 2003 | [[Téodor is holding a clipboard, Ray dries himself off with a towel]]
/ Téodor: Alright, Ray. It looks like you get the next storyline.
/ Ray: Lay it on me! / Téodor: ahem
/ Téodor: "Ray reads Fast Food Nation and decides to become a Vegan." / Ray: Whoah. I call bullshit on that one.
/ Téodor: Hold your... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=12012003 |
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