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| Holiday Gift Preview 2005 | [[Text at left:]]
/ Dear Readers,
/ Help us help you! In order to plan our Holiday Gift Assortment, we need your valuable feedback. Please look over the following pre-production items, and tell us which appeal to you the most. Use the handy "item scoring system" below:
/ 1: Would definitely buy
/ 2: Would... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=11172005 |
| Emeril vs. Jesus | Philippe: Mr. Bear, who is better- Emeril or Jesus? / Mr. Bear: Good heavens. Call me what you will, but on dry turn I'd go with Jesus by a nose. Why do you ask?
/ Philippe: Because Jesus could turn loaves into fishes and feed a thousand people, but Emeril feeds that many people every day at his restaurant! / Mr.... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=11172006 |
| Emeril vs. Jesus | [[A smiling Philippe looks enquiringly up at Mr. Bear, who is holding a glass of cognac in one hand]]
/ Philippe: Mr. Bear, who's better - Emeril or Jesus? / [[We see that Mr. Bear has a cigarillo in his other hand.]]
/ Mr. Bear: Good heavens. Call me what you will, but on dry turf I'd go with Jesus by... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=11172006 |
| Achewood § November 17, 2008 | [[Ray on phone]]
/ Ray: Yo Beef! Let's do up a little "couples' dinner party" for Connie and that new chick! Make sure she ain't just playing him for a sugar daddy with a bum ticker, you know? / [[Beef on phone]]
/ Beef: Alright dogg uh I look forward to Chardonnay wine from the appropriate refrigerator... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=11172008 |
| Achewood - November 18, 2002 | [[Ray is holding a microphone in a recording studio. He is dressed in a robe with a pair of eighth notes. There is a piano nearby]] / Ray: Everybody Dance...
/ Everybody Dance...
/ Everybody Dance...
/ Like There's Ass In Your Pants! / Ray: Ass In Your Pants,
/ ASS In Your Pants! / Ray: EVERYBODY DANCE
/ LIKE... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=11182002 |
| Achewood - November 18, 2002 | [[Ray is holding a microphone. He is dressed in a robe with musical note symbols.]]
/ Ray: Everybody Dance...
/ Everybody Dance...
/ Everybody Dance...
/ Like There's Ass In Your Pants! / Ray: Ass In Your Pants,
/ ASS In Your Pants! / Ray: EVERYBODY DANCE
/ LIKE THERE'S ASS IN YOUR PANTS!
/ Ass IN Your Pants... / [[Ray... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=11182002 |
| Achewood - November 18, 2003 | [[Scene is Lyle and Mr. Bear driving in the rain, searching for Philippe.]]
/ Lyle: Alright, Laphroaig's empty! What's switch number four do?
/ Mr. Bear: Don't touch that. / Lyle: Lemme guess... it's a recessed gun that pops up and shoots a big doily onto parkin' spaces!
/ Mr. Bear: Why must you insist... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=11182003 |
| Achewood - November 18, 2004 | [[Roast Beef bangs on the wall]]
/ Roast Beef: You god damn hag!
/ It's YOUR fault I can't have a meal without thinking it'll give me cancer!
/ < http://achewood.com/index.php?date=11182004 |
| Friday Facts for November | [[Philippe's newspaper.]]
/ The Philippe Times.
/ Back Page: Riddle Me This!
/ Vol 7 No. 19
/ Friday Facts!
/ by Philippe, editor-in-chief!
/ [[A rather sleep-deprived-looking Philippe is shown.]]
/ DID YOU KNOW...
/ In China, they say the following riddle: "What has four legs in the morning, two legs in the... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=11182005 |
| a class="searchlink" href="http://achewood.com/?date=11182010">http://achewood.com/?date=11182010 | [untranscribed - please consider transcribing this comic!] |
| Achewood - November 19, 2001 | Téodor, Mr. Bear, and Lyle are playing Scrabble. Lyle puts down "BIKES" horizontally. / Téodor adds a vertical "GHOST" connecting to the S in Lyle's contribution. / Mr. Bear plays a horizontal "ILLEGAL" on Téodor's "GHOST." http://achewood.com/index.php?date=11192001 |
| Achewood - November 19, 2001 | "Scrabble"
/ [[Téodor, Cornelius, and Lyle are playing Scrabble. Lyle puts down "BIKES" horizontally.]] / [[Téodor adds a vertical "GHOST" connecting to the S in Lyle's contribution.]] / [[Cornelius plays a horizontal "ILLEGAL" connecting with the G on Téodor's "GHOST."]] http://achewood.com/index.php?date=11192001 |
| Achewood - November 19, 2002 | [[Ray looks at a montage of newspaper clippings with a surprised look on his face. The background is hell of musical notation.]] / [[The following are quotes from newspapers, magazines.]] / Unknown Reviewer: "ASS IN YOUR PANTS" THIS YEAR'S MOST IMPORTANT SONG / Michael Chabon: "'Ragtime' is a musical... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=11192002 |
| Skyrocketing up the charts | [[Ray looks at a montage of newspaper clippings with a surprised look on his face. The background is musical notation.]] / [[The following are quotes from newspapers, magazines.]] / Unknown Reviewer: "ASS IN YOUR PANTS" THIS YEAR'S MOST IMPORTANT SONG / Michael Chabon: "'Ragtime' is a musical form... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=11192002 |
| Achewood - November 19, 2004 | [[Ray and Roast Beef sitting at a table, Ray is reading from a magazine, Beef tucks in to a sandwich]]
/ Ray: I tell you, one thing I cannot abide is guys with a tattoo on their ass cheek. I gotta draw the line. Back me up, Beef. / Roast Beef: Oh man Ray this egg sandwich is grelicious Without Molly... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=11192004 |
| Ramses is a Master of Many Crafts | [[Exterior view of bar at nighttime]]
/ Ray: So, did you get to spend much time with dad growing up? / [[Interior; Ray and Dornheim drinking beers at a table]]
/ Dornheim: Ramses? No. Only met him once, in a liquor store in Watts.
/ I was getting supplies for my famous whiskey sours. / Ray: How'd...how... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=11192007 |
| Achewood § November 19, 2009 | [[ The Dude and Catastrophe sign swings in a storm, making a 'Squee' noise.]] / Cornelius Bear: Mr. Kazenzakis. A pleasure to see you this fine, blustery evening. You sit rather low in the water, I daresay. / Roast Beef: Man Molly is talkin' about havin' a baby again / Cornelius: And in what direction... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=11192009 |
| Achewood - November 20, 2001 | Lie Bott: Hey Todd, what's shakin'?
/ Todd: Lie B-B-Bot, you'd better shut up because I don't w-w-wanna deal with you right now. / Lie Bot: What's the matter?
/ Todd: My uncle fell in a pond and drowned! He drowned! I just got back from the funeral! / Lie Bot: Well, have I got some good news for you!... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=11202001 |
| Achewood - November 20, 2001 | Lie Bott: Hey Todd, what's shakin'?
/ Todd: Lie B-B-Bot, you'd better shut up because I don't w-w-wanna deal with you right now. / Lie Bot: What's the matter?
/ Todd: My uncle fell in a pond and drowned! He drowned! I just got back from the funeral! / Lie Bot: Well, have I got some good news for you!... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=11202001 |
| Achewood - November 20, 2002 | Ray, thinking:
/ Well I'll be
/ Someone finally shot that Morrissey character / Pat: Wow, Ray-- you got an AIBO?
/ Ray: Oh, you mean Rutherford? / Pat: I heard you could teach these little guys stuff! / Ray: RUTHERFORD!
/ Pat... is... fine! / Rutherford: ARF! PANT PANT / Pat: R-R-Rutherford! STOP... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=11202002 |
| Achewood - November 20, 2002 | [[Ray is sitting and reading a newspaper.]]
/ Ray: (thinks) Well I'll be
/ Ray: (thinks) Someone finally shot that Morrissey character / Pat: Wow, Ray-- you got an AIBO?
/ Ray: Oh, you mean Rutherford? / [[Close-up of Rutherford the AIBO]]
/ Pat: I heard you could teach these little guys stuff! / Ray:... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=11202002 |
| Beef's Anti-Depression Lamp | [[Molly looks behind herself with one raised eyebrow]]
/ < http://achewood.com/index.php?date=11202006 |
| Beef's Anti-Depression Lamp | [[Molly looks behind herself with one raised eyebrow]]
/ < http://achewood.com/index.php?date=11202006 |
| Beef's Anti-Depression Lamp | [[Molly looks behind herself with one raised eyebrow.]]
/ < http://achewood.com/index.php?date=11202006 |
| Beef's Anti-Depression Lamp | [[Molly looks behind herself with one raised eyebrow]]
/ < http://achewood.com/index.php?date=11202006 |
| Achewood § November 20, 2008 | Ray: Connie! A beautiful lady! Why is this happening to me? Did I overpay my taxes?! / Cornelius: Good to see you, Raymond. This is Polly, and this is fine brown liquor.
/ < http://achewood.com/index.php?date=11202008 |
| Achewood - November 21, 2001 | [[Téodor is in his Chef's attire. Lie Bot is making a gesture that typically indicates trying to reason with someone]]
/ Lie Bot: Look, I didn't say that. All I said is that you probably like to nail other guy bears.
/ [[Téodor has a bit of a scowl on]]
/ Téodor: Just because I like to cook? / [[A tiny... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=11212001 |
| Todd's new van | [[Téodor is in his Chef's attire. Lie Bot is making a gesture that typically indicates trying to reason with someone]]
/ Lie Bot: Look, I didn't say that. All I said is that you probably like to nail other guy bears.
/ [[Téodor has a bit of a scowl on]]
/ Téodor: Just because I like to cook? / [[A tiny... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=11212001 |
| Achewood - November 21, 2001 | [[Téodor is in his Chef's attire, talking to Lie Bot]]
/ Lie Bot: Look, I didn't say that. All I said is that you probably like to nail other guy bears.
/ Téodor: Just because I like to cook? / [[A tiny van screams past both character's legs, laying down rubber]]
/ Lie Bot: Whoah!
/ Téodor: Hey!
/ < http://achewood.com/index.php?date=11212001 |
| Achewood - November 21, 2002 | Pat: Where did you get this ridiculous dog, Ray?
/ Ray: Sony sent him to me! / Ray: Apparently they send you one every time your record goes platinum!
/ Awwww! Now ain't he sweet!
/ Rutherford: ARF! / SE: THUNK THUNK THUNK / Caption: SOON
/ Ray: PAT! Come back here! We gotta think up... let's see now...... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=11212002 |
| Achewood - November 21, 2002 | Pat: Where did you get this ridiculous dog, Ray?
/ Ray: Sony sent him to me! / Ray: Apparently they send you one every time your record goes platinum!
/ Awwww! Now ain't he sweet!
/ Rutherford: ARF! / < http://achewood.com/index.php?date=11212002 |
| Achewood - November 21, 2002 | Pat: Where did you get this ridiculous dog, Ray?
/ Ray: Sony sent him to me! / Ray: Apparently they send you one every time your record goes platinum!
/ Ray: Awwww! Now ain't he sweet!
/ [[Rutherford bounds excitedly]]
/ Rutherford: ARF! / << THUNK THUNK THUNK>>
/ [[Ray turns round at the thunking noise.]]
/ Rutherford:... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=11212002 |
| Achewood - November 21, 2003 | [[Philippe drives a van in the rain. It is nighttime. He is dressed in a bee costume and is manipulating the steering wheel with his mouth.]] / [[In the dark, through the driving rain, the silhouette of a stag becomes visible.]] / [[Suddenly, Philippe is upon the stag. He (Philippe) is surprised.]] / [[The... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=11212003 |
| Achewood - November 21, 2005 | [[Roast Beef lying on his stomach reading]]
/ Roast Beef: Fine yeah I'll drop you off at the movies just tell me when it's a quarter of six / [[Showbiz points]]
/ Showbiz: Sweet! No problem! / [[Showbiz looks]] / [[Showbiz turns]] / [[Showbiz looks stunned]] / [[An analog clock reads six minutes past... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=11212005 |
| Ray's Chinese Delicacy. | [[Ray is at his computer]] / [[Ray aggressively clicks the mouse button]]
/ < http://achewood.com/index.php?date=11212006 |
| Ray's Chinese Delicacy. | [[Ray is at his computer]] / [[Ray aggressively clicks the mouse button]]
/ < http://achewood.com/index.php?date=11212006 |
| Achewood - November 21, 2007 | [[Philippe is holding a book]]
/ Philippe: I'm almost done reading all of the Hardy Boys books! Is there a last one? / [[Lyle, looking excited]]
/ Lyle (thinking): Jeez, I don't think there's a wrap-up story! I could make a killing! / [[Close-up of the computer screen]]
/ THE CASE OF THE LAST MYSTERY
/ THE... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=11212007 |
| Achewood - November 22, 2001 | Todd, can you hear us?
/ TODD THE SQUIRREL IS NOT HERE...RIGHT...NOW
/ Look, we saw you drive down the stairs. Are you okay?
/ NO...YES
/ What's the matter? Are you bleeding?
/ I...I can't feel my tail...I...
/ ...to be continued http://achewood.com/index.php?date=11222001 |
| A terrible Thanksgiving | [[Téodor kneels besides Todd's fallen van; Lie Bot looks on]]
/ Téodor: Todd, can you hear us? / Todd: TODD THE SQUIRREL IS NOT HERE...RIGHT...NOW / Téodor: Look, we saw you drive down the stairs. Are you okay? / Todd: NO...YES / Téodor: What's the matter? Are you bleeding?
/ Todd: I...I can't feel... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=11222001 |
| Achewood - November 22, 2001 | [[Lie Bot and Teodor are next to Todd's crashed van]]
/ Teodor: Todd, can you hear us? / Todd from inside of van:TODD THE SQUIRREL IS NOT HERE...RIGHT...NOW / Teodor:Look, we saw you drive down the stairs. Are you okay? / Todd from inside of van: NO...YES / Teodor: What's the matter? Are you bleeding?
/ Todd... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=11222001 |
| Achewood - November 22, 2002 | [[Ray opens enevelope and pulls out invitation.]]
/ Invitation: You are invited to a celebration for Sony recording artist RAY
/ Invitation: please RSVP by November 23
/ Invitation: hosted by Teodor / [[Ray is on the phone with Teodor.]]
/ Ray: Teodor! You throwin' me a party? I'm touched!
/ Teodor: You... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=11222002 |
| Achewood - November 22, 2002 | [[Ray opens enevelope and pulls out invitation.]]
/ Invitation: You are invited to a celebration for Sony recording artist RAY
/ Invitation: please RSVP by November 23
/ Invitation: hosted by Teodor / [[Ray, wearing a bathrobe or jacket and holding a drink, is on the phone with Teodor. An AIBO is visible... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=11222002 |
| Achewood - November 22, 2004 | [[Cornelius Bear stands in the garden, smoking and holding a glass]]
/ Mr Bear: Ahh, the postprandial hand-rolled and finger of grappa.
/ Just the thing to toast the old cage / [[Pat entering though the fence]] / Pat: Cornelius!
/ Mr Bear: Why good evening, Patrick! How nice to see you! / [[Pat shoves... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=11222004 |
| Achewood - November 22, 2005 | PANEL 1
/ Roast Beef answers the door to find Molly wearing a backpack, halter top, and pants. She is carrying a plastic grocery bag. / MOLLY: Hey babe! I stopped and got us some mu shu. / ROAST BEEF: Oh excellent / PANEL 2
/ Roast Beef is holding the bag and Molly has her hands in her pants pocket. / MOLLY:... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=11222005 |
| Ray Against Unnecessary Faxes | [[Ray is on the phone]]
/ Ray: That's right, just want to renew my health insurance.
/ Lemme give you my Visa, we'll be all wrapped up here. / Ray: Wait, what?
/ You got to be kiddin' me. You need me to sign a form and FAX it back in? / Ray: No, I ain't got a fax machine! I also ain't got an Apple... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=11222006 |
| Ray Against Unnecessary Faxes | [[Ray is on the phone]]
/ Ray: That's right, just want to renew my health insurance.
/ Ray: Lemme give you my Visa, we'll be all wrapped up here. / Ray: Wait, what?
/ Ray: You got to be kiddin' me. You need me to sign a form and FAX it back in? / Ray: No, I ain't got a fax machine! I also ain't got an... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=11222006 |
| Ray Against Unnecessary Faxes | [[Ray is on the phone]]
/ Ray: That's right, just want to renew my health insurance.
/ Lemme give you my Visa, we'll be all wrapped up here. / Ray: Wait, what?
/ You got to be kiddin' me. You need me to sign a form and FAX it back in? / [[Ray hunches forward, shaking with rage]]
/ Ray: No, I ain't got... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=11222006 |
| Ray Against Unnecessary Faxes | [[Ray is on the phone with a martini in his hand]]
/ Ray: That's right, just want to renew my health insurance.
/ Lemme give you my Visa, we'll be all wrapped up here. / [[Ray's back is turned to the reader, but even here his twitching is visible]]
/ Ray: Wait, what?
/ You got to be kiddin' me. You need... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=11222006 |
| Ray Against Unnecessary Faxes | [[Ray is on the phone]]
/ Ray: That's right, just want to renew my health insurance.
/ Lemme give you my Visa, we'll be all wrapped up here. / Ray: Wait, what?
/ You got to be kiddin' me. You need me to sign a form and FAX it back in? / Ray: No, I ain't got a fax machine! I also ain't got an Apple... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=11222006 |
| Achewood - November 23, 2001 | [[Téodor kneels by Todd's overturned van, which is leaking dark fluid. Lie Bot stands nearby. Todd, not visible, speaks from inside the van.]]
/ Todd: Is the van messed up real bad?
/ Téodor: Sort of -- what's leaking out?! / [[Lie Bot walks away. Todd emerges from the van, clearly inebriated.]]
/ Todd:... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=11232001 |
| Closure | [[Téodor kneels by Todd's overturned van, which is leaking dark fluid. Lie Bot stands nearby. Todd, not visible, speaks from inside the van.]]
/ Todd: Is the van messed up real bad?
/ Téodor: Sort of -- what's leaking out?! / [[Lie Bot walks away. Todd emerges from the van, clearly inebriated.]]
/ Todd:... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=11232001 |
| Twenty Thousand Seconds Dead | [[Pat stares aghast at Mr. Bear's recumbent body]] / [[Phillipe arrives]]
/ Phillipe: Pat, what's evaporation?
/ Pat: What? WHAT?! / Phillipe: Hey! How come Mr. Bear is lying down? / [[Pat turning to run]]
/ Pat: We... we're playin' hide and seek! It's my turn to hide!
/ Don't bother him! He's counting... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=11232004 |
| Twenty Thousand Seconds Dead | [[Pat stares aghast at Mr. Bear's recumbent body]] / [[Phillipe arrives]]
/ Phillipe: Pat, what's evaporation?
/ Pat: What? WHAT?! / Phillipe: Hey! How come Mr. Bear is lying down? / [[Pat turning to run]]
/ Pat: We... we're playin' hide and seek! It's my turn to hide!
/ Don't bother him! He's counting... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=11232004 |
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