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| Achewood - October 29, 2003 | [[Nice Pete and Teodor around Teodor's computer]]
/ Nice Pete: Oh hell man enough about me how about you Teodor
/ Nice Pete: Where you from / Teodor: My parents came over from Minsk just before I was born-- / Teodor: Mom worked in a bakery and Dad was an actuary for a big insurance company.
/ Teodor:... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=10292003 |
| Achewood - October 29, 2004 | [[Outside the Smoke]] / [[Ray and Roast Beef at the bar]]
/ Ray: Kelly! Give this guy Jagers until he can't say Molecule!
/ Roast Beef: Oh dang man is that Molly / Molly: Hey, Beef, can we talk?
/ Roast Beef: Oh uh I um I have this song about to come up on the jukebox / Molly: Look, Beef, I can tell... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=10292004 |
| Achewood - October 29, 2007 | [[Mr. Bear is sitting in a comfortable chair, reading a book. Philippe approaches]]
/ Philippe: Mr. Bear, what will the rest of my life be like? / Mr. Bear: Well, I suppose you'll enter grade school, where you'll preoccupy yourself with conspicuously eating only the most popular items. / Mr. Bear:... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=10292007 |
| Lie Bot's Shoes | [[Teodor and Lie Bot are chatting in a corner of the room]]
/ Teodor: Cool shoes, Lie Bot.
/ Lie Bot: Whoah -- what the hell, man? Why the hell did you say that? / Teodor: Well, they just looked kind of different.
/ Lie Bot: Michael J. Fox gave them to me! Is that alright with you, Mr. Acid Tongue? / Teodor:... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=10302001 |
| Lie Bot's Shoes | [[Teodor and Lie Bot are chatting in a corner of the room]]
/ Teodor: Cool shoes, Lie Bot.
/ Lie Bot: Whoah -- what the hell, man? Why the hell did you say that? / Teodor: Well, they just looked kind of different.
/ Lie Bot: Michael J. Fox gave them to me! Is that alright with you, Mr. Acid Tongue? / Teodor:... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=10302001 |
| Lie Bot's Shoes | [[Teodor and Lie Bot are chatting in a corner of the room]]
/ Teodor: Cool shoes, Lie Bot.
/ Lie Bot: Whoah -- what the hell, man? Why the hell did you say that? / Teodor: Well, they just looked kind of different.
/ Lie Bot: Michael J. Fox gave them to me! Is that alright with you, Mr. Acid Tongue? / Teodor:... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=10302001 |
| Lie Bot's Shoes | [[Teodor and Lie Bot are chatting in a corner of the room]]
/ Teodor: Cool shoes, Lie Bot.
/ Lie Bot: Whoah -- what the hell, man? Why the hell did you say that? / Teodor: Well, they just looked kind of different.
/ Lie Bot: Michael J. Fox gave them to me! Is that alright with you, Mr. Acid Tongue? / Teodor:... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=10302001 |
| Achewood - October 30, 2003 | [[Nice Pete and Teodor around Teodor's computer]]
/ Nice Pete: I guess there were a lot of reasons I finally chose to leave West Virginia / [[Young Nice Pete with flower over a coffin; text is in thought bubbles from here on]]
/ Nice Pete: Ugh
/ Nice Pete: Even in death Mom-mom's eye will not stop Weepin' / Nice... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=10302003 |
| Philippe invents the Dogcken | Philippe: Mr. Bear, what would happen if a chicken mated with a dog?
/ Cornelius: Excuse me? / Philippe: If a chicken mated with a dog! You know! What would happen? / Cornelius: Well, I suppose the dog would be shunned by her peers, and the chicken's friends would consider him quite the fellow.
/ Philippe:... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=10302006 |
| Philippe invents the Dogcken | Philippe: Mr. Bear, what would happen if a chicken mated with a dog?
/ Cornelius: Excuse me? / Philippe: If a chicken mated with a dog! You know! What would happen? / Cornelius: Well, I suppose the dog would be shunned by her peers, and the chicken's friends would consider him quite the fellow.
/ Philippe:... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=10302006 |
| Shampoo | [[Beef is on the phone with Molly outside of a store.]]
/ Beef: Sure I'll pick up some shampoo what kind do -- / Beef: Dang the signal cut out Better get something though cause she said she wanted to take a shower before work / [[Beef is in the Women's Hair Care section.]]
/ Beef: Strawberry and... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=10302007 |
| Achewood § October 30, 2009 | [[An old-style PET computer is shown, thinking.]] / Computer: I... have no complaints. / [[All panels are represented by pieces of dot matrix computer paper.]] / "Todd, i hungry. Any Hot Pocket remain?"
/ C:\> just tha chicken n-n-broccoli one.
/ "Ooh I hate chicken broccoli one. Taste of nasty vegetable."
/ C:\>... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=10302009 |
| Halloween | [[Mr. Bear, Téodor and Phillippe are looking out the window]]
/ Mr. Bear: Look at all the costumes!
/ Téodor: A ghost, an army man.. hey! That one looks like an otter!
/ Phillippe: ! / Kids: [singing] Trick or treat!
/ [[Phillippe leaves the window]] / Kid: HOLY CHRIST IS THAT AN ALIVE STUFFED ANIMAL
/ Téodor:... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=10312001 |
| Achewood - October 31, 2001 | [[Cornelius, Téodor and Phillippe are looking out the window]]
/ Cornelius: Look at all the costumes!
/ Téodor: A ghost, an army man.. hey! That one looks like an otter!
/ Phillippe: ! / Kids: [singing] Trick or treat!
/ [[Phillippe leaves the window]] / Kid: HOLY CHRIST IS THAT AN ALIVE STUFFED ANIMAL
/ Téodor:... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=10312001 |
| Achewood - October 31, 2002 | [[Téodor is using a cordless phone.]]
/ Telephone: (Chinese)
/ Téodor: Excuse me? / Telephone: Herro! FeeReep Prrease!
/ Téodor: Philippe! Phone! / [Philippe, rushing.]]
/ Philippe: Oh boy! / [[Philippe is using a cordless phone.]]
/ Philippe: Hello, this is Philippe! I am delighted to talk to you!
/ Telephone:... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=10312002 |
| ULTRA PEANUT | [[Téodor is using a cordless phone.]]
/ Telephone: (Chinese)
/ Téodor: Excuse me? / Telephone: Herro! FeeReep Prrease!
/ Téodor: Philippe! Phone! / [Philippe, rushing.]]
/ Philippe: Oh boy! / [[Philippe is using a cordless phone.]]
/ Philippe: Hello, this is Philippe! I am delighted to talk to you!
/ Telephone:... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=10312002 |
| Achewood - October 31, 2002 | [[Téodor is using a cordless phone.]]
/ Telephone: (Chinese)
/ {{你好 = nihao = hello}}
/ Téodor: Excuse me? / Telephone: Herro! FeeReep Prrease!
/ Téodor: Philippe! Phone! / [Philippe, rushing.]]
/ Philippe: Oh boy! / [[Philippe is using a cordless phone.]]
/ Philippe: Hello, this is Philippe!... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=10312002 |
| ULTRA PEANUT | [[T¨¦odor is using a cordless phone.]]
/ Telephone: Ä㔊
/ T¨¦odor: Excuse me? / Telephone: Herro! FeeReep Prrease!
/ T¨¦odor: Philippe! Phone! / [Philippe, rushing.]]
/ Philippe: Oh boy! / [[Philippe is using a cordless phone.]]
/ Philippe: Hello, this is Philippe! I am delighted to talk to you!
/ Telephone:... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=10312002 |
| Achewood - October 31, 2003 | [[Philippe is dressed in a buble-bee costume. He is running]]
/ Philippe: Roast Beef! Look! I'm a bumble-bee! / [[The back of Roast Beef's head. He is holding a candy bar. We can see Philippe over his shoulder]]
/ Roast Beef: Oh awesome that is so radical Philippe
/ Roast Beef: Here is a whole-size Snickers... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=10312003 |
| Achewood - October 31, 2006 | [[street, bar sign says "smoke"]]
/ [[urinals, ray speaking but not in frame]]
/ Ray: I'm serious this time, Beef! I ain't gonna be able to pee unless you look right in my eyes!
/ Roast Beef: Oh hee man stop it you always pullin' this shenanigan
/ Ray: Not this time, man! If you don't look into my eyes,... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=10312006 |
| Achewood - November 1, 2001 | [[Teodor is reading "Stank" magazine and discovers the clitoris]] / Teodor: Hey Lie Bot, can you tell me what the "clitoris" is?
/ Lie Bot: Sure thing, man. / Lie Bot: It's actually the same set of tissue as the penis, but it starts to form differently in the first trimester.
/ Teodor: huh! / Teodor:... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=11012001 |
| Achewood - November 1, 2001 | [[Téodor is reading "Stank" magazine]]
/ Téodor: Hey Lie Bot, can you tell me what the "clitoris" is?
/ Lie Bot: Sure thing, man. / Lie Bot: It's actually the same set of tissue as the penis, but it starts to form differently in the first trimester.
/ Téodor: huh! / Téodor: What does it do?
/ Lie Bot:... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=11012001 |
| Achewood - November 1, 2002: what the HELL ultra peanut | Philippe: Mr Bear, I think I have a stomach ache.
/ Cornelius: Did you eat too many sweets last night, Philippe? / Philippe: What? Why?
/ Cornelius: Last night was Halloween, Philippe! Don't tell me that you forgot!
/ Philippe: I guess I did... / < http://achewood.com/index.php?date=11012002 |
| Achewood - November 1, 2004 | Ray: I look just like Bogart! Pretty cool, huh!
/ Teodor: You don't look like Bogart. You look like you ride a Honda Goldwing and collect swords. / Ray: What in hell are you talkin' about?! didn't you see this hat? / Teodor: Yeah, what model is that? The "Debonair SysAdmin"? Where's your fanny pack... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=11012004 |
| Achewood - November 1, 2004 | [[Ray stage left, Teodor stage right, medium shot; Ray is wearing a fedora cocked at a jaunty angle.]]
/ Ray: I look just like Bogart! Pretty cool, huh!
/ Teodor: You don't look like Bogart. You look like you ride a Honda Goldwing and collect swords. / [[Ray, medium close-up; agitated and pointing at... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=11012004 |
| Ray's Halloween Costume | [[An enormous cat, vaguely resembling Ray but large, stands silently.]] / < http://achewood.com/index.php?date=11012005 |
| Achewood - November 1, 2006 | Preview of Cornelius Bear interview in Issue #3 of MWY http://achewood.com/index.php?date=11012006 |
| Achewood - November 1, 2006 | {{ Click here to see a larger version of this upcoming MWY zine No. 3 excerpt! }} / Interview: Cornelius Bear
/ --interview by Ed E. Haskell / Many guys know Cornelius as a dude from around the *place*, an old guy who ain't got no family and rooms with the crew out of simple pragmacticality. You would... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=11012006 |
| Achewood - November 1, 2007 | [[Philippe is wearing a doctor's head-light for a Halloween costume while he shows Teodor his candy bag]]
/ Teodor: So, let's see what you got in your Halloween basket!
/ Philippe: Oh boy oh boy! Can I look now? / Teodor: Wow! A full-size Hershey bar? Who gave you -- / Teodor: HOLY JESUS CHRIST IS THERE... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=11012007 |
| Achewood - November 1, 2007 | [[Philippe is wearing a doctor's head-light for a Halloween costume while he shows Teodor his candy bag]]
/ Teodor: So, let's see what you got in your Halloween basket!
/ Philippe: Oh boy oh boy! Can I look now? / Teodor: Wow! A full-size Hershey bar? Who gave you -- / Teodor: HOLY JESUS CHRIST IS THERE... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=11012007 |
| Achewood § November 1, 2008 | [[Ray and Roast Beef standing around, Ray is looking at his left arm]]
/ Ray: Dude, would you ever get a tattoo, Beef? / Beef: Dang man I don't know it would have to be somethin' pretty special to me / [[closeup of a tattoo which reads Salt NaCl -respect- -moderation-]]
/ <<...Yeah...just had this done... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=11012008 |
| Achewood - November 2, 2001 | Téodor: If you're sick, you're supposed to stay in bed all day.
/ Lyle: Alright.
/ < http://achewood.com/index.php?date=11022001 |
| Achewood - November 2, 2001 | Téodor: If you're sick, you're supposed to stay in bed all day.
/ Lyle: Alright.
/ < http://achewood.com/index.php?date=11022001 |
| Achewood - November 2, 2004 | [[Roast Beef on the phone, on the floor]]
/ Roast Beef: Oh uh hey Molly I didn't know you were going to call me just now / Roast Beef: So uh how have things been going at Applebee's and also with Tina / [[TV dinner]]
/ Roast Beef: Yes I'm eating well
/ TV Dinner: QualityTM Hormel Chicken Thighs in White... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=11022004 |
| Achewood - November 2, 2005 | R-R-RRING! / Ray: Yo, Lyle! What's up? I'm kinda busy right now. / Ray: Yo, Lyle! What's up? I'm kinda busy right now. / Ray: Now I ain't watchin' the news! News ain't on at three damn o'clock!
/ You druuunk, Holmes. / Ray: Special report I should see, huh. Well, nothin' doin'. Like I said, I'm pretty... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=11022005 |
| Achewood - November 2, 2007 | [[Roast Beef and Ray are walking side by side]]
/ Ray: So, like, the king used to have someone taste his food to make sure it wasn't poison, you know?
/ Roast Beef: I've heard that yeah / Ray: But what if the food taster knew to only eat a certain part that didn't have poison in it? What if it was a cahoots-type... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=11022007 |
| Achewood - November 2, 2007 | [[Roast Beef and Ray are walking side by side]]
/ Ray: So, like, the king used to have someone taste his food to make sure it wasn't poison, you know?
/ Roast Beef: I've heard that yeah / Ray: But what if the food taster knew to only eat a certain part that didn't have poison in it? What if it was a cahoots-type... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=11022007 |
| Achewood - November 3, 2003 | [[Nice Pete and Phillippe are in a van, driving down a lonely dirt road through a rainy night]] / Nice Pete: So then I said Can you put your legs behind your head
/ Nice Pete: And she was like all Excuse me sir
/ Nice Pete: And I was like My tongue can reach into my ears do you want to see
/ Nice Pete:... http://achewood.com/?date=11032003 |
| Achewood - November 3, 2003 | [[Nice Pete is driving Philippe to the Super-Secret Ice Cream Shop]] / Nice Pete: So then I said Can you put your legs behind your head And she was like all Excuse Me sir / Nice Pete: And I was like My tongue can reach into your ears do you want to see / Nice Pete: And she goes You're not welcome... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=11032003 |
| Charley Smuckles Suicide Watch '05 | [[Ray is walking along a dirt path, singing.]]
/ Ray: I... / Ray: LOOOOVE... / Ray: YOUUUUU! / [[Ray's phone rings.]]
/ < http://achewood.com/index.php?date=11032005 |
| Achewood - November 3, 2005 | [[Ray walking down a trail with a cell phone attached to his thong. He is shouting and sort of dancing]]
/ Ray: I... / Ray: LOOOOVE... / Ray:YOUUUUU! / < http://achewood.com/index.php?date=11032005 |
| Achewood - November 3, 2006 | Téodor: Whatcha workin' on, Cornelius?
/ Cornelius: Some low-yield romantic pabulum, I'm afraid. More meaningful work has been sparse lately. / Téodor: What's the theme of this one?
/ Cornelius: Two-hundred fifty pages, eighteen hundred dollars. Due Monday, just like the rent check. / Téodor: No, I mean... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=11032006 |
| Achewood - November 3, 2006 | Téodor: Whatcha workin' on, Cornelius? / Cornelius: Some low-yield romantic pabulum, I'm afraid. More meaningful work has been sparse lately. / Téodor: What's the theme of this one? / Cornelius: Two-hundred fifty pages, eighteen hundred dollars. Due Monday, just like the rent check. / Téodor: No,... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=11032006 |
| Achewood - November 4, 2002 | Ray: What? No, I don't want to buy no damn piano! Do you know what time it is?! Don't call here- / Lucifer: Excuse me sir, but are you a single gentleman? / Ray: So what if I am?
/ Lucifer: Sir, Ladies like Men who can play the Piano
/ Ray: Hmmm. How much you gettin' for a piano these days, anyway? / [[soon]]
/ Lucifer:... http://achewood.com/?date=11042002 |
| Achewood - November 4, 2002 | Ray: What? No, I don't want to buy no damn piano! Do you know what time it is?! Don't call here- / Lucifer: Excuse me sir, but are you a single gentleman? / Ray: So what if I am?
/ Lucifer: Sir, Ladies like Men who can play the Piano
/ Ray: Hmmm. How much you gettin' for a piano these days, anyway? / [[soon]]
/ Lucifer:... http://achewood.com/?date=11042002 |
| Achewood - November 4, 2002 | [[Ray in bed, talking on a cellphone]]
/ Ray: What? No, I don't want to buy no damn piano! Do you know what time it is?! Don't call here- / [[Lucifer shown as a human against a black background.]]
/ Lucifer: Excuse me sir, but are you a single gentleman? / Ray: So what if I am?
/ Lucifer: (Voiceover)... http://achewood.com/?date=11042002 |
| Achewood - November 4, 2002 | Ray: What? No, I don't want to buy no damn piano! Do you know what time it is?! Don't call here-- / Lucifer: Excuse me sir, but are you a single gentleman ? / Ray: So what if I am?
/ Lucifer: Sir, Ladies like Men who can play the Piano.
/ Ray: Hmmm. How much you gettin' for a piano these days, anyway? / SOON
/ Lucifer:... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=11042002 |
| Achewood - November 4, 2002 | Ray: What? No, I don't want to buy no damn piano! Do you know what time it is?! Don't call here-- / Lucifer: Excuse me sir, but are you a single gentleman ? / Ray: So what if I am?
/ Lucifer: Sir, Ladies like Men who can play the Piano.
/ Ray: Hmmm. How much you gettin' for a piano these days, anyway? / SOON
/ Lucifer:... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=11042002 |
| Achewood - November 4, 2002 | Ray: What? No, I don't want to buy no damn piano! Do you know what time it is?! Don't call here-- / Lucifer: Excuse me sir, but are you a single gentleman ? / Ray: So what if I am?
/ Lucifer: Sir, Ladies like Men who can play the Piano.
/ Ray: Hmmm. How much you gettin' for a piano these days, anyway? / SOON
/ Lucifer:... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=11042002 |
| Achewood - November 4, 2003 | {{Ray, Roast Beef, and friends are trying to find Nice Pete and Phillippe}} / [[RAY is driving an SUV]]
/ RAY: Alright Beef! Pull up alongside me now! / [[ROAST BEEF pulls up in the car from "Peel-Out Summer"]]
/ RAY: We lookin' for an old gray van, no plates! I got Mr. Bear and Lyle headin' south on... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=11042003 |
| Achewood - November 4, 2004 | [[Treehouse]]
/ Lie Bot: Philippe! They recounted all the ballots, and guess what! You WON!
/ Philippe: REALLY?! / Lie Bot: Yes! It was a landslide! There's a big problem, though?
/ Philippe: What? What's the problem, Lie Bot? / Lie Bot: Mickey Mouse is on a radio call-in show threatening to shoot himself... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=11042004 |
| Ray Discovers Little Nephew | [[Caption: KTV7 LIVE CHARLEY SMUCKLES SUICIDE WATCH '05
/ Ray is shown on the screen looking at the car containing Little Nephew, who is very slowly driving into a lake.]] / [[Ray turns back to the camera.]] / [[Ray's hand/paw appears over the camera.]] / [[The camera is pointed down at Ray's junk... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=11042005 |
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