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| Achewood - October 23, 2007 | [[Shot from behind a flat-screen television: There is a small golf cart labeled "GGGR!" sitting atop a compatibly sized treadmill. Next to this, there is a platform featuring a sort of tee, with two golf clubs scattered nearby. To the right, there is a cocktail table with a beer can and a smoking ashtray.... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=10232007 |
| Achewood § October 23, 2009 | Cornelius: Goodness gracious, Téodor! What is that invidious tang? / Téodor: It's this pee. / Cornelius: Well for God's sake, man, hoist your head! That is no way to pass a sunny afternoon. / Téodor: It's...look at the words going by In It! It's like a portal to another world! / [[Cornelius moves... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=10232009 |
| Achewood - October 24, 2001 ( Lie Bot redux - A Visitor ) | [[ Cornelius Bear is sleeping on his bed while Lie Bot is hitting it.]]
/ Lie Bot: Wake up! Wake up!
/ Cornelius Bear: Wha...? What is it, Lie Bot?
/ << Lie Bot makes a THUD appear by hitting Cornelius' bed >> / [[ Cornelius is awake now, and looking at Lie Bot. ]]
/ Lie Bot: Flavor Flav's here! He wants... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=10242001 |
| Achewood - October 24, 2001 | [[Cornelius is sleeping on his bed while Lie Bot is hitting it.]]
/ Lie Bot: Wake up! Wake up!
/ < http://achewood.com/index.php?date=10242001 |
| Achewood - October 24, 2002 | [[Ray approaches Philippe.]]
/ Ray: Philippe! You wanna see a neat trick?
/ Philippe: Really? / [[The two run.]]
/ Ray: Come with me! We gonna go visit Roast Beef!
/ Philippe: Oh boy! / [[Ray and Philippe arrive upon Roast Beef.]]
/ Ray: Roast Beef! Philippe wants to see how small you can make your eyes. / [[Roast... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=10242002 |
| Achewood - October 24, 2002 | [[Ray approaches Philippe.]]
/ Ray: Philippe! You wanna see a neat trick?
/ Philippe: Really? / [[The two run.]]
/ Ray: Come with me! We gonna go visit Roast Beef!
/ Philippe: Oh boy! / [[Ray and Philippe arrive upon Roast Beef.]]
/ Ray: Roast Beef! Philippe wants to see how small you can make your eyes. / [[Roast... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=10242002 |
| Eye trick | [[Ray approaches Philippe.]]
/ Ray: Philippe! You wanna see a neat trick?
/ Philippe: Really? / [[The two run.]]
/ Ray: Come with me! We gonna go visit Roast Beef!
/ Philippe: Oh boy! / [[Ray and Philippe arrive upon Roast Beef.]]
/ Ray: Roast Beef! Philippe wants to see how small you can make your eyes. / [[Roast... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=10242002 |
| Achewood - October 24, 2003 | [[Nice Pete and Téodor are sitting with drinks.]]
/ {{Nice Pete is talking, but we're hearing Téodor's thoughts.}}
/ Nice Pete: Alright Téodor I'm going to tell you a joke now
/ Téodor: Man, he's really loosening up! It's so, so weird to be buddies with a murderer. / [[Nice Pete leans back in his chair.]]
/ Nice... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=10242003 |
| Achewood - October 24, 2005 | [[Ray paints a wall. Lassie.com comes running]]
/ Lassie.com: ARF! AFF! RAFF! / [[Ray crouches]]
/ Ray: What? What is it, Lassie.com?!
/ Lassie.com: RAFF! ARF! AFF! / Ray: Little NEPHEW? In the jacuzzi?! Oh my god!
/ Lassie.com: RAFF! / [[Ray races down the hall in an uncharacteristic sprint]]
/ Ray:... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=10242005 |
| Achewood - October 24, 2005 | [[Ray paints a wall. Lassie.com comes running]]
/ Lassie.com: ARF! AFF! RAFF! / [[Ray crouches]]
/ Ray: What? What is it, Lassie.com?!
/ Lassie.com: RAFF! ARF! AFF! / Ray: Little NEPHEW? In the jacuzzi?! Oh my god!
/ Lassie.com: RAFF! / [[Ray races down the hall in an uncharacteristic sprint]]
/ Ray:... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=10242005 |
| Achewood - October 24, 2005 | [[Ray paints a wall. Lassie.com comes running]]
/ Lassie.com: ARF! AFF! RAFF! / [[Ray crouches]]
/ Ray: What? What is it, Lassie.com?!
/ Lassie.com: RAFF! ARF! AFF! / Ray: Little NEPHEW? In the jacuzzi?! Oh my god!
/ Lassie.com: RAFF! / [[Ray races down the hall in an uncharacteristic sprint]]
/ Ray:... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=10242005 |
| Achewood - October 24, 2006 | [[Teodor is seated at an array of computer monitors and a CPU, atop of which is a radio, his back is to the reader]] < http://achewood.com/index.php?date=10242006 |
| Achewood - October 24, 2006 | [[Teodor is seated at an array of computer monitors and a CPU, atop of which is a radio, his back is to the reader]] < http://achewood.com/index.php?date=10242006 |
| Achewood - October 24, 2007 | [[View of a DVD cover. The DVD is called "BEST OF... HOT TUB BRAWLS".]] / [[Ray is sitting peacefully in his living room chair. There is a beer on a small table next to him.]] / [[There are two men waist-deep in a hot tub: a light-haired man facing us, and a dark-haired man with sunglasses, whose... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=10242007 |
| Achewood - The miniature golf hole - October 25, 2001 | [[Téodor, Mr. Bear and Lyle stand together. Téodor wears a visor, Lyle a cap]]
/ Téodor: It was nice of Philippe to make this miniature golf hole for us.
/ Lyle: Except there's no cup to hit it into. / Téodor: Hey Philippe! How do you play this hole?
/ Philippe's voice: You have to hit it to this end! / [[Philippe... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=10252001 |
| Achewood - The miniature golf hole - October 25, 2001 | [[Téodor, Mr. Bear and Lyle stand together. Téodor wears a visor, Lyle a cap]]
/ Téodor: It was nice of Philippe to make this miniature golf hole for us.
/ Lyle: Except there's no cup to hit it into. / Téodor: Hey Philippe! How do you play this hole?
/ Philippe's voice: You have to hit it to this end! / [[Philippe... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=10252001 |
| Achewood - October 25, 2001 | [[Téodor, Cornelius and Lyle stand together. Téodor wears a visor, Lyle a cap]]
/ Téodor: It was nice of Philippe to make this miniature golf hole for us.
/ Lyle: Except there's no cup to hit it into. / Téodor: Hey Philippe! How do you play this hole?
/ Philippe: You have to hit it to this end! / [[Philippe... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=10252001 |
| Achewood - October 25, 2002 | [[Téodor and Ray are talking, Ray holding an audio cassette.]]
/ Ray: Damn, man. I think Tina wants to get back with me.
/ Téodor: What makes you say that? / [[A close-up of the cassette.]]
/ Ray: Oh, nothin'... just this MIX TAPE. / [[Ray, looking at the tape.]]
/ Ray: Sheesh. How many "Tony, Toni,... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=10252002 |
| Achewood - October 25, 2002 | [[Téodor and Ray are talking, Ray holding an audio cassette.]]
/ Ray: Damn, man. I think Tina wants to get back with me.
/ Téodor: What makes you say that? / Ray: Oh, nothin'... just this MIX TAPE.
/ [[A close-up of the cassette, a label toward the bottom with "For My Man" in fancy cursive handwriting.]] / [[Ray,... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=10252002 |
| Achewood - October 25, 2002 | [[Téodor and Ray are talking, Ray holding an audio cassette.]]
/ Ray: Damn, man. I think Tina wants to get back with me.
/ Téodor: What makes you say that? / [[A close-up of the cassette.]]
/ Ray: Oh, nothin'... just this MIX TAPE. / [[Ray, looking at the tape.]]
/ Ray: Sheesh. How many "Tony, Toni,... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=10252002 |
| Achewood - October 25, 2004 | Countries That Sound Like Porn Stars
/ and
/ Facts About Them. / [[Teodor in front of the flag of Sierra Leone]]
/ Sierra Leone
/ Location: West Africa
/ Distribution of family income - Gini index: 62.9 (1989) / [[Teodor in front of the flag of Dominica]]
/ Dominica
/ Location: Caribbean
/ Turn-ons: agronomy / [[Teodor... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=10252004 |
| Achewood - October 25, 2005 | [[Cornelius sits at typewriter. Teodor enters.]]
/ Teodor: Hey, you're writing again! It's been a while, hasn't it? / Cornelius: Teodor! Oh, ah. Yes. My agent insists there is some money to be made emulating some poop named Lemony Snicket. / Teodor: Mind if I take a look?
/ Corneiius: You know the drill. / Teodor:... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=10252005 |
| Achewood - October 25, 2005 | [[Cornelius sits at typewriter. Teodor enters.]]
/ Teodor: Hey, you're writing again! It's been a while, hasn't it? / Cornelius: Teodor! Oh, ah. Yes. My agent insists there is some money to be made emulating some poop named Lemony Snicket. / Teodor: Mind if I take a look?
/ Corneiius: You know the drill. / Teodor:... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=10252005 |
| Ray Walks Home from Mexico | [[Cornelius points out details on a tea kettle to Téodor]]
/ Cornelius: See here, if you store your tea kettle with an inch of water in it, it will catch any ambient grease or dust before it creates a hard-to-clean residue on the interior. / < http://achewood.com/index.php?date=10252006 |
| Ray Walks Home from Mexico | [[Cornelius points out details on a tea kettle to Téodor]]
/ Cornelius: See here, if you store your tea kettle with an inch of water in it, it will catch any ambient grease or dust before it creates a hard-to-clean residue on the interior. / < http://achewood.com/index.php?date=10252006 |
| The Rad Day | [[Teodor is holding an envelope addressed to "Mr. Teodor 'hey' Orezscu" from Rad Day in Uppsala , Sweden]] / [[Teodor looks at the envelope.]] / [[The letter begins]]
/ Mr. Orezscu, Your friend "Ray's the Roof" Smuckles sends you a Rad Day! His message is to you:
/ "Yo, doggie! Sorry if anything's been... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=10252007 |
| Achewood - A discussion on AIDS - October 26, 2001 | [[Mr. Bear reads a newspaper]]
/ Mr. Bear: Oh, AIDS. / Mr. Bear: Why, why did someone screw a monkey? / [[A monkey with sunglasses and goatee appears]]
/ Mr. Bear: Why, oh why did someone have to screw a monkey?
/ Monkey: Yeah, man, what gives? http://achewood.com/index.php?date=10262001 |
| Achewood - A discussion on AIDS - October 26, 2001 | [[Mr. Bear reads a newspaper]]
/ Mr. Bear: Oh, AIDS. / [[Mr. Bear looks up from his newspaper]]
/ Mr. Bear: Why, why did someone screw a monkey? / [[A monkey with sunglasses and goatee appears]]
/ Mr. Bear: Why, oh why did someone have to screw a monkey?
/ Monkey: Yeah, man, what gives? http://achewood.com/index.php?date=10262001 |
| Achewood - October 26, 2001 | [[Cornelius reads a newspaper]]
/ Cornelius: Oh, AIDS. / Cornelius: Why, why did someone screw a monkey? / [[A monkey with sunglasses and goatee appears]]
/ Cornelius: Why, oh why did someone have to screw a monkey?
/ Monkey: Yeah, man, what gives? http://achewood.com/index.php?date=10262001 |
| Achewood - October 26, 2004 | [[Ray reading playboy]]
/ Pat: Why look at you, Ray! Openly reading smut in public! / Ray: Oh, hey Pat! What's cookin? / [[Pat snatches the Playboy]]
/ Pat: Give me that! / Pat: I'm going to put this in the TRASH where it belongs! / Ray: Playboy is actually pretty tame, I think that even grandparents-- / [[Pat... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=10262004 |
| Achewood - October 26, 2005 | [[A radio stands on a table]]
/ Radio Host: KPMA'S Gripe of the Day! Caller, you're on the air!
/ [[Pat is holding a phone, shaking angrily]9
/ Pat: It's stupid that criminals are punished by incarceration only!
/ Radio Host: Pat! Good to hear from you again! How do you mean?
/ Pat: Do you honestly think... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=10262005 |
| Achewood - October 26, 2007 | [[A page from Philippe's newspaper, the Philippe Times.]] / The Philippe Times. Do not go into a mania Vol 9 No. 19 / Friday Facts! / by Philippe, editor-in-chief! / [[A graphic of Philippe Caption reads: Me. / DID YOU KNOW... / Dogs cannot say or mean thank you! / A PHONE CALL FROM ME DEPT: I called... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=10262007 |
| Achewood - October 27, 2003 | [[Teodor and Nice Pete sit at Teodor's computer table with drinks.]]
/ Teodor: So, where'd you grow up? /
/ Nice Pete: Oh, 'round parts of West Virginia / Nice Pete: Places you could sit under the old oak trees in the summertime and smell the hills around you baking
/ Save a tadpole, put him in a baggie... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=10272003 |
| Achewood - October 27, 2004 | [[Lyle on couch, reading Playboy]]
/ Philippe: What are you reading, Lyle? / [[Lyle tosses the Playboy]]
/ Lyle: Eh, feckin' Playboy! I dunno why Teodor subscribes to this rag, it's just the same rouged plastic asshole month after month. Feh! / [[Lyle leaves]]
/ Lyle: Feh! / [[Philippe looks around]] / [[Philippe... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=10272004 |
| Achewood - October 27, 2005 | [[Little Nephew is holding a book]]
/ Little Nephew: Man, this guy got in the Guinness book of World Records just for havin' long-ass fingernails? Daaamn...what can I get in for...
/ Little Nephew [[Thinking]]: Ate so much cheese that he became rude and raunchy... Nah. Cheese costs hell of cash money.... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=10272005 |
| Achewood - October 27, 2005 | [[Little Nephew is holding a book]]
/ Little Nephew: Man, this guy got in the Guinness book of World Records just for havin' long-ass fingernails? Daaamn...what can I get in for...
/ Little Nephew [[Thinking]]: Ate so much cheese that he became rude and raunchy... Nah. Cheese costs hell of cash money.... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=10272005 |
| Friday Facts - Nudity | [[singe panel page of The Phillipe Times]]
/ The Phillipe Times
/ Halloween is not Satanic. It is Satan-neutral™!
/ Vol 8 No. 6
/ Friday Facts!
/ by Phillipe, editor-in-chief!
/ [[Picture of Phillipe with a pig nose and, curly wig and a mischievous grin]] Caption: I'm a pig for Halloween!
/ DID YOU KNOW...
/ Ray... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=10272006 |
| Friday Facts - Nudity | [[singe panel page of The Phillipe Times]]
/ The Phillipe Times
/ Halloween is not Satanic. It is Satan-neutral™!
/ Vol 8 No. 6
/ Friday Facts!
/ by Phillipe, editor-in-chief!
/ [[Picture of Phillipe with a pig nose and, curly wig and a mischievous grin]] Caption: I'm a pig for Halloween!
/ DID YOU KNOW...
/ Ray... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=10272006 |
| Friday Facts - Nudity | [[singe panel page of The Phillipe Times]]
/ The Phillipe Times
/ Halloween is not Satanic. It is Satan-neutral™!
/ Vol 8 No. 6
/ Friday Facts!
/ by Phillipe, editor-in-chief!
/ [[Picture of Phillipe with a pig nose and, curly wig and a mischievous grin]] Caption: I'm a pig for Halloween!
/ DID YOU KNOW...
/ Ray... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=10272006 |
| a class="searchlink" href="http://achewood.com/index.php?date=10272008">http://achewood.com/index.php?date=10272008 | [untranscribed - please consider transcribing this comic!] |
| Achewood - October 28, 2002 | Teodor (offpanel): Philippe! Package for you!
/ Philippe: Oh boy! It came! / Teodor: What did you get?
/ Philippe: Watch! / [[Philippe turns around showing he now has thick eyebrows]] / [[Box reading:
/ 'Kids! It's the...
/ "Lil' Emeril" Eyebrow Kit
/ LOOK LIKE EMERIL]] / {{Alt Text: no one can say... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=10282002 |
| Achewood - October 28, 2002 | Téodor (offpanel): Philippe! Package for you!
/ Philippe: Oh boy! It came! / Téodor: What did you get?
/ Philippe: Watch! / [[Philippe turns around showing he now has thick eyebrows]] / [[Box reading:
/ Kids! It's the...
/ "Lil' Emeril" Eyebrow Kit
/ LOOK LIKE EMERIL]] / {{Alt Text: no one can say this... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=10282002 |
| Achewood - October 28, 2003 - Japanese Interests | Teodor: Ray! is for what?! / Ray: Make love like a mountain! / Teodor: Oh!! Seven-kinky! / Ray: Oooh. Hold on, is my tummy. / < http://achewood.com/index.php?date=10282003 |
| Achewood - October 28, 2003 - Japanese Interests | {{Dear Readers: Due to financial mismanagement, we have been forced to sell Achewood off to Japanese interests. It has been a pleasure providing you with comics these last few years. Please enjoy the new strip. -CTO}} / Teodor: Ray! is for what?! / Ray: Make love like a mountain! / Teodor: Oh!! Seven-kinky! / Ray:... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=10282003 |
| Achewood - October 28, 2003 - Japanese Interests | {{ 10/28/03 - Dear Readers: Due to financial mismanagement, we have been forced to sell Achewood off to Japanese interests. It has been a pleasure providing you with comics these last few years. Please enjoy the new strip. -CTO }} / Teodor: Ray! Is for what?! / Ray: Make love like a mountain! / Teodor:... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=10282003 |
| Achewood - October 28, 2004 | [[Ray reading]]
/ Ray (thinking): Well would you look at that! They discovered that Pluto is just a pissed-off piece of snow! Ain't no planet at all!
/ < http://achewood.com/index.php?date=10282004 |
| Achewood - October 28, 2005 | [[Ray is entering through a door that is left ajar, he has both hands in the air in seeming exasperation]] Ray: Man, we got to get some thinner toilet paper up at this place!
/ I feel like I'm wipin' my ass with a damn Belgian waffle! / Roast Beef [[seated on a lounge chair]]: Oh uh Ray you may want... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=10282005 |
| Achewood - October 28, 2005 | [[Ray is entering through a door that is left ajar, he has both hands in the air in seeming exasperation]] Ray: Man, we got to get some thinner toilet paper up at this place!
/ I feel like I'm wipin' my ass with a damn Belgian waffle! / Roast Beef [[seated on a lounge chair]]: Oh uh Ray you may want... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=10282005 |
| Achewood § October 28, 2009 | [[A North Korean magic realist computer program narrates an adventure for Todd.]]
/ You park the van by the giant, hollow Hemlock stump. A falcon circles overhead. Ultraviolet Thunder speaks.
/ "OK Glorious Ranger. First thing of Sam Gribley is catch fish make dinner. You do that. I decorate Fortress... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=10282009 |
| Achewood - October 29, 2001 | Lyle: What are you doing, Teodor?
/ Teodor: I'm programming my own website!
/ {{tap tap}} / Lyle: Your website sucks! I can't read anything over that obnoxious background image.
/ Teodor: Why don't you just TRY a little harder? / Lyle: Why don't you just get rid of that stupid background image?
/ Teodor:... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=10292001 |
| Achewood - October 29, 2001 | Lyle: What are you doing, Téodor?
/ Téodor: I'm programming my own website!
/ {{tap tap}} / Lyle: Your website sucks! I can't read anything over that obnoxious background image.
/ Téodor: Why don't you just TRY a little harder? / Lyle: Why don't you just get rid of that stupid background image?
/ Téodor:... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=10292001 |
| Achewood - October 29, 2001 | [[Teodor works on a computer while Lyle looks over his shoulder.]]
/ Lyle: What are you doing, Teodor?
/ Teodor: I'm programming my own website!
/ < http://achewood.com/index.php?date=10292001 |
| Achewood - October 29, 2002 | [[A close-up of a print advertisement, as from the back pages of a newspaper. The ad reads, "Chat with actual COPS! (900) 523-2923 ALL HOURS ALL RANKS."]] / [[Téodor is using a cordless telephone and holding the newspaper.]]
/ Téodor: (thought) Now what's this all about. / Telephone: < http://achewood.com/index.php?date=10292002 |
| Achewood - October 29, 2002 | [[A close-up of a print advertisement, as from the back pages of a newspaper's "Chat Services 788-804" section. The ad reads, "CHAT WITH ACTUAL COPS! (900) 523-2923 ALL HOURS ALL RANKS"]] / [[Téodor is using a cordless telephone and holding the newspaper.]]
/ Téodor: (thought) Now what's this all about.
/ < http://achewood.com/index.php?date=10292002 |
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