You're browsing the archives of Achewood.
You can search these comics too.
show: [ show full transcriptions | abridged transcriptions | just the first line ]
| Achewood - September 21, 2007 | [[Ray stands at his front door]]
/ City council candidate Jim: Hello sir! I'm Jim! I'm running for city council! May I put one of my campaign signs in your front yard?
/ Ray: Fuck you for thinking of my property as your whore! / [[Ray enters a Best Buy]]
/ Hot dumbass: Hi! Before you go into Best Buy,... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=09212007 |
| Achewood § September 21, 2009 | [[Cornelius is typing away at his Typewriter as Teodor walks in]]
/ < http://achewood.com/index.php?date=09212009 |
| Achewood - September 22, 2003 | [[Pat is on the phone with a radio show.]]
/ Pat: Yes, this is Pat from Achewood Estates---I don't think barbers SHOULD make much money!
/ Radio host: Alllright! Thank you for calling in to the KPMA Question of the Day! / [[Pat is running through his house.]]
/ Pat: [[Thinking]] Man they had me on hold... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=09222003 |
| Achewood - September 22, 2003 | [[Pat is on the phone with a radio show.]]
/ Pat: Hello I was wondering as to the price of a big old vagina? / [[Pat is running through his house.]]
/ Pat: [[Thinking]] Never do they answer my questions with anything relevent
/ [[In bathroom]]
/ Pat: Oh yeah, can't wait to piss onto this toaster / Pat:... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=09222003 |
| Achewood - September 22, 2005 | [[Ray is walking along a sidewalk in a dark and dreary part of town. A model T is parked on the side of the road.]] / [[Ray is in front of a door]]
/ < http://achewood.com/index.php?date=09222005 |
| Scooby and Scrappy | [[A Best Western sign reads: Welcome The Brothers in the Syndicate Summit 2004 Gold Lounge]] / [[Ray and Bensington Butters are standing in a hallway. Ray is dressed like Mickey Mouse]] / Bensington: Fly theme this year, Smuckles. Who you supposed to be? / RAY: I...I'm Mickey Mouse, man!
/ Bensington:... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=09222006 |
| Scooby and Scrappy | [[A Best Western sign reads: Welcome The Brothers in the Syndicate Summit 2004 Gold Lounge]] / [[Ray and Bensington Butters are standing in a hallway. Ray is dressed like Mickey Mouse]] / Bensington: Fly theme this year, Smuckles. Who you supposed to be? / RAY: I...I'm Mickey Mouse, man!
/ Bensington:... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=09222006 |
| Scooby and Scrappy | [[A Best Western sign reads: Welcome The Brothers in the Syndicate Summit 2004 Gold Lounge]] / [[Ray and Bensington Butters are standing in a hallway. Ray is dressed like Mickey Mouse]] / Bensington: Fly theme this year, Smuckles. Who you supposed to be? / RAY: I...I'm Mickey Mouse, man!
/ Bensington:... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=09222006 |
| Scooby and Scrappy | [[A Best Western sign reads: Welcome The Brothers in the Syndicate Summit 2004 Gold Lounge]] / [[Ray and Bensington Butters are standing in a hallway. Ray is dressed like Mickey Mouse]] / Bensington: Fly theme this year, Smuckles. Who you supposed to be? / RAY: I...I'm Mickey Mouse, man!
/ Bensington:... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=09222006 |
| Code Levels of Dating Beef | [[Roast Beef is in a hospital bed, recovering from being shot; Ray, carrying a martini and wearing his trademark shades, thong, and medallion, is visiting him.]]
/ Ray: Well, Roast Beef! I guess now that you got the Internet in your brain it will be real easy to take out a Personals ad!
/ Beef: Oh really... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=09232002 |
| Achewood - September 23, 2003 | Pat's phone: < http://achewood.com/index.php?date=09232003 |
| Achewood § September 23, 2009 | [[The background is again taken up with Cornelius' ridiculous graphics as he types away in the foreground, with more ridiculous fonts and a picture of a man dancing. The page reads as follows:]]
/ I hack at-cha, bottle-brazened Lef' Mo-Higgins! Here's how "2" get YA ROXX off wit-cha pant'z ONNNN!NNN AT... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=09232009 |
| Achewood - September 24, 2003 | [[Roast Beef enters through a door]]
/ Roast Beef: Hello
/ Roast Beef: Uh hello Pat are you home / [[Roast Beef raises his eyebrows, looking pained]]
/ Roast Beef (thinks): Pee-yew man what is that stench
/ Roast Beef (thinks): Smells like someone sauteéd a raccoon / [[Roast Beef is shown to be holding... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=09242003 |
| Achewood - September 24, 2007 | Todd: Hey R-R-Roast Beef! Help me write a skit for my late night TV show I'm thinkin' of makin'! / Roast Beef: Alright well the first thing you do is juxtapose two unrelated concepts
/ Todd: L-L-Like puddin' and Jell-O? / Roast Beef: No uh not at all um more like Emeril committing a crime / Roast Beef:... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=09242007 |
| Achewood - September 25, 2002 | Philippe: Lyle! Are you going into your room to smoke heated-up marijuana?
/ Lyle: Huh? What? / Philippe: That's illegal!
/ Lyle: So don't tell anybody! Problem solved! / Philippe: I don't need to! Everyone in the house can smell when you do it even though you have that dumb invention that you think... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=09252002 |
| Hollandaise the Bunny | [[Pat is holding a rabbit and is smiling]]
/ Roast Beef: So uh what's up with this rabbit of yours Pat
/ Pat Reynolds: This is Hollandaise! He was the first thing I saw after I woke up from the electrocution! / Roast Beef: Dang man whenever you used to see a bunny in your garden you would cold draw your... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=09252003 |
| Ray calls O'Malley, Private Eye | [[Ray sits at his computer, on the phone with O'Malley. He looks serious. A martini sits on the desk]]
/ Ray: Alright, O'Malley. What else did you dig up on Bensington Butters. / [[Ray picks up his martini]]
/ O'Malley: I did some sniffin' down at county records. Bensington Butters is actually Jimmie... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=09252006 |
| Achewood - September 25, 2007 | Roast Beef: Uh I know how you like to play media mogul Ray but I don't think we can run with this Todd Show thing / Ray: You a crazy person, Beef. Go to a dungeon. / Roast Beef: I just typed up his list of ideas from our brainstorming session and it looks pretty bad
/ Ray: Ideas? Awesome. Comedy is... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=09252007 |
| a class="searchlink" href="http://achewood.com/index.php?date=09252008">http://achewood.com/index.php?date=09252008 | [untranscribed - please consider transcribing this comic!] |
| Achewood - September 26, 2002 | {{Ray forgets Tina's birthday.}} / [[Lyle drinks at Ray's home bar. He sits and listens as Ray stands behind the bar and expounds]] / Ray: Damn, Lyle! I forgot Tina's birthday again! / < http://achewood.com/index.php?date=09262002 |
| Achewood - September 26, 2003 | [[Ray is at his window. Pat walks by wearing a cape and holding a cane. A rabbit hops about at Pat's feet.]] / Ray: PAT!
/ Ray: Don't wear a cape! / Pat: Ray! I'm on a mission! It's part of my outfit!
/ Ray: What's your mission? To look like some guy whose license place says RENFAIR? / Pat: To spread... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=09262003 |
| Achewood - September 26, 2005 | [[Roast Beef sits in the driver's seat of a car. Music is playing, and Roast Beef is reaching for the stereo]]
/ Music: don't ya steal mah' hat
/ Roast Beef: agh! / [[Roast Beef presses EJECT on the car stereo]] / [[Molly is sitting in the car as well]]
/ Molly: Hey, why'd you turn that off? I like Lyle... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=09262005 |
| Achewood - September 26, 2006 | [[Ray is on the phone]]
/ Ray: Yeah, O'Malley. Photos just showed up. I'm takin' a look at them right now. / [[Ray holds a handful of photos at arms length and looks shocked]]
/ Ray: Hold on, dammit! Dude, Bensington looks slick in these, a straight up pinstripe player! Ain't no sporks or Fed-Ex'd Shoney's! / Ray:... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=09262006 |
| Achewood - September 26, 2006 | [[Ray is on the phone]]
/ Ray: Yeah, O'Malley. Photos just showed up. I'm takin' a look at them right now. / [[Ray holds a handful of photos at arms length and looks shocked]]
/ Ray: Hold on, dammit! Dude, Bensington looks slick in these, a straight up pinstripe player! Ain't no sporks or Fed-Ex'd Shoney's! / Ray:... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=09262006 |
| Achewood - September 26, 2006 | [[Ray is on the phone]]
/ Ray: Yeah, O'Malley. Photos just showed up. I'm takin' a look at them right now. / [[Ray holds a handful of photos at arms length and looks annnoyed]]
/ Ray: Hold on, dammit! Dude, Bensington looks slick in these, a straight up pinstripe player! Ain't no sporks or Fed-Ex'd Shoney's! / Ray:... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=09262006 |
| Achewood - September 26, 2007 | Todd: S-S-So we're gonna have a piece called Waterslide Magic where I come down a waterslide and all these chicks just bust out all kinds of handjobs on me!
/ Ray: Uh huh. Excellent. This is really clicking. Keep going. / Todd: An-an-an I gotta have this car too! This car's the best! This is the BEST... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=09262007 |
| Achewood - September 27, 2002 | [[Inside, Ray is coming out of a doorway with one paw (hand?) in his mouth and cursing]] / Ray: Shit! Ow! Dammit! / Beef: What in heck Ray Why are you bleedin'
/ < http://achewood.com/index.php?date=09272002 |
| Achewood - September 27, 2004 | [[Roast Beef about to drink a glass of Guinness]] / < http://achewood.com/index.php?date=09272004 |
| Roast Beef's Science Show on Cable TV | [[Roast Beef on the phone.]]
/ Beef: Uh yes hello / [[Ray in darkness, next to a table holding a lit flashlight and a printer.]]
/ Ray: Alright man, I'm just goin' nuts over here.
/ How in the hell does a laser printer work? / [[Beef.]]
/ Beef: A laser is used to create a negatively charged area on a positively... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=09272005 |
| Achewood § September 27, 2008 | Ray: HURRY, man! What's Google say the "commodore sex act" is?! TELL ME. USE IMAGE SEARCH. NOW. / Teodor: This...wow. Google only has one result--clicking--It's a Wikipedia entry! / In Teodor's web browser: / Guild of Purpose-Driven Commodores
/ From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
/ (Redirected from... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=09272008 |
| Achewood - September 28, 2004 | Arthur: Welcome to Support Group, everyone! I'm Aaaarthur, sitting in for Mr. Gary, who is visiting his dead sister! / Pat: Hello, Arthur.
/ Nice Pete: Hello Arthur / Arthur: Well, now! I see we have a new member with us tonight! / Pat: This is Nice Pete. I am his sponsor. / Arthur: Welcome, Nice... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=09282004 |
| Achewood - September 28, 2005 | [[Ray is wearing a black turtleneck and big, ear-enclosing headphones, reading a script.]]
/ Ray: Alright, Beef. Your catchphrase is, ¡Sciencia -- Que Bueno! / [[Ray counts down on his fingers:]]
/ Ray: Now let's do a dry run off the teleprompter. Jaime the Science Friend, take one! Three... two... / [[Roast... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=09282005 |
| Bensington cheaps on the copter to Cabo | [[Ray is sitting in his tub, which is filled with either dirty water, dark alcohol, or possibly tomato juice. He is still wearing his medallion and shades, and a martini sits on the edge of the tub.]]
/ <>
/ Ray (thinking): Aw, damn! Who calls a player in the tub? / [[Ray has a towel... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=09282006 |
| Achewood - September 28, 2007 | [[Coked out of his mind, Todd shows off his photos of a 1983 Mercedes-Benz to Téodor.]]
/ Todd: Lookit THIS, Téodor! Mercedes-Benz! WHITE frikkin' Mercedes-Benz! EAT IT UP, PAL! WALLOW IN IT! / [[Todd sniffs a couple of times as Téodor speaks.]]
/ Téodor: I guess Johnny Carson had to drive something.... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=09282007 |
| Achewood - September 28, 2007 | [[Visibly shaking, Todd shows off a photo of a white 1983 Mercedes-Benz.]]
/ Todd: Lookit THIS, Téodor! Mercedes-Benz! WHITE frikkin' Mercedes-Benz! EAT IT UP, PAL! WALLOW IN IT! / [[Todd sniffs a couple of times as Téodor speaks.]]
/ Téodor: I guess Johnny Carson had to drive something. So what?
/ < |
| Achewood § September 28, 2009 | [[Cornelius Bear in a smoking jacket and bowtie, at computer with a wine glass to his left on the desk, looks left with a thoughtfull expression of concern and regret]]
/ Cornelius: Oh drat, I shouldn't have driven Teodor away. / [[Cornelius anxiously taps desk with his fingers, making a < http://achewood.com/index.php?date=09282009 |
| Achewood - September 29, 2003 | [[Scene is inside a recording studio. Pat is playing guitar. Pat's rabbit and Ray look on.]]
/ Pat: And when I asked the people for a place to lay my head/They all shut their doors in fear/A park bench was my bed / Ray (thinking): Like a modern day Woody Guthrie, cold singing the Song of America. / [[Scene... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=09292003 |
Archive Page:
<< 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20
21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 37 38 39 40
41 42 43 44 45 46 47 48 49 50 51 52 53 54 55 56 57 58 59 60 >>