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| Achewood - September 13, 2005 | [[Ray and Roast Beef are walking]] / Roast Beef: Dude so like listen uh I got plans tomorrow so can you use a free ticket to Cartilage Head / Ray: Damn. Cartilage Head, huh. I really wasn't ready for that this week. / Beef: I know but serious you can't get these tickets open-market
/ Ray: I know. / Ray:... http://achewood.com/?date=09132005 |
| Achewood - September 13, 2005 | Roast Beef: Dude so like listen uh I got plans tomorrow so can you use a ticket to Cartilage Head / Ray: Damn. Cartilage Head, huh. I really wasn't ready for that this week. / Roast Beef: I know but serious you can't get these tickets open-market
/ Ray: I know. / Ray: Jeez, man. Alright. Yeah. Yeah,... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=09132005 |
| Cartilage Head | [[Scene: Ray and Roast Beef. Roast Beef is wearing a shirt and tie.]]
/ Roast Beef: Dude so like listen uh I got plans tomorrow so can you use a ticket to Cartilage Head / Ray: Damn. Cartilage Head, huh. I really wasn't ready for that this week. / Roast Beef: I know but serious you can't get these tickets... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=09132005 |
| Achewood - September 13, 2006 | Ray: So how's it goin', Pat? You scorin' much dude-pussy these days?
/ Pat: What did I tell you, Ray! Off limits. / Ray: Hey, man. You got to get used to this. When guys hang, they talk about sex. You know that. / Pat: Well, what about you, then. Did you have a bunch of sex and hoot and holler and point... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=09132006 |
| Philippe's Inner Machinations, September 13, 2007 | Inside the mind of Philippe! / 1) I love my Mom!
/ -> 2
/ -> 3
/ [[dotted line]] -> 7
/ Hey There! -> 10 / 2) [[Philippe's Mom]]
/ My Mom. / 3) I can't find any deodorant!
/ -> 4
/ -> 5 / 4) 8:53PM: The deodorant wasn't for me. I was going to wipe it on Lyle's pants. I just got confused. / 5) [[happy... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=09132007 |
| Achewood - September 14, 2005 | [[Ray is crying, looking frightened]] / [[Cartilage Head takes a bow]] / [[Man walks by, hands Ray a note]] / [[Ray opens note: text–
/ To the Recipient in Seat Z-1:
/ Cartilage Head Respectfully Requests Your Company at Dinner this Evening.
/ Please Present this Coupon to the Usher with the Robin's... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=09142005 |
| Achewood - September 14, 2005 | [[Ray is crying, looking frightened]] / [[Cartilage Head takes a bow]] / [[Man walks by, hands Ray a note]] / [[Ray opens note: text–
/ To the Recipient in Seat Z-1:
/ Cartilage Head Respectfully Requests Your Company at Dinner this Evening.
/ Please Present this Coupon to the Usher with the Robin's... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=09142005 |
| Achewood - September 14, 2006 | [[Title: The Case of the MYSTERY. A hard-boiled detective novel by Phillipe!]]
/ [[Phillipe runs towards typewriter on table]] / [[Phillipe types]]
/ [[Title: Rip Berryrock, the famous detective, stepped onto the plane. He'd have the crook in no time.]] / [[Title: Once in the air, the waitress brought... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=09142006 |
| Carl: A Fallen Friend | Ray: They just neutered Carl, Beef! I just heard! / Roast Beef: Aw damn Not Carl / Ray: Yeah, man! Pat went by to get some old baseball cards and Carl was just ten kinds of lanced! / Roast Beef: Oh god this is hell of depressing / Ray: I know, man! I'm almost cryin' over here! / Roast Beef: Carl... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=09152003 |
| Achewood - September 15, 2004 | [[Teodor: Man! This fig lambic is incredible!
/ Ray: You gettin' the nutmeg and honey finishing notes? / Teodor: Yeah! Real clear! Almost on cue, even!
/ Ray: We recommend serving this one with the flesh of an unborn veal calf, sauteed in hickory butter. No side dishes. / Teodor: Ray! Listen to you!
/ Ray:... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=09152004 |
| Achewood - September 15, 2006 | [[Ray sits at computer, holding phone]] / Ray: Well, I think it's because we runnin' Apache on FreeBSD. Yeah, swap space keeps fillin' up. Repartition? Wait, Mike, did you touch the NIC? I can't ping it. / [[Roast Beef turns to Ray looking surprised]] / Roast Beef: Dang Ray since when you got... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=09152006 |
| Achewood § September 15, 2009 | 09/15/2009 / [[The strip is structured as four columns of text with headlines, sub-headlines and graphics. The columns are of unequal widths. The text is a mixture of fonts, sizes and weights. At the top, across the four columns, is a headline, a subheadline and -- at right -- a graphic: detail of the... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=09152009 |
| Achewood - September 16, 2002 | [[Roast Beef is in bed.]]
/ Roast Beef [[thinking]]: Whoo boy
/ I really went off my cookie last night / Ray [[In doorway, holding a gun]]: Hey, Beef! Look at me! I'm Tony Soprano! You got a problem with that? / Roast Beef [[On feet]]: Man Ray where in hell did you get a gun
/ Ray: It's Lyle's! It's a... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=09162002 |
| Achewood - September 16, 2002 | [[Roast Beef is in bed.]]
/ Roast Beef [[thinking]]: Whoo boy
/ I really went off my cookie last night / Ray [[In doorway, holding a gun]]: Hey, Beef! Look at me! I'm Tony Soprano! You got a problem with that? / Roast Beef [[On feet]]: Man Ray where in hell did you get a gun
/ Ray: It's Lyle's! It's a... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=09162002 |
| Achewood - September 16, 2003 | {{Title: Anarchist's Cookbook}} / Philippe: Lyle, will you read me a bedtime story? / Lyle: Huh? How come? / Philippe: I just saw Harry Potter and I'm too scared to go to sleep. / Lyle: Oh, alright. Just grab somethin' off my shelf over there. / [[View of books: "Ardus O'Malley: The Man Who Hit... http://achewood.com/?date=09162003 |
| Achewood - September 16, 2003 | {{Title: Anarchist's Cookbook}} / Philippe: Lyle, will you read me a bedtime story? / Lyle: Huh? How come? / Philippe: I just saw Harry Potter and I'm too scared to go to sleep. / Lyle: Oh, alright. Just grab somethin' off my shelf over there. / [[View of books: "Ardus O'Malley: The Man Who Hit... http://achewood.com/?date=09162003 |
| Anarchist's Cookbook | [[Philippe wears Batman pajamas facing Lyle]]
/ Philippe: Lyle, will you read me a bedtime story?
/ Lyle: Huh? How come? / Philippe: I just saw Harry Potter and I'm too scared to go to sleep!
/ Lyle: Oh, alright. Just grab somethin' off my shelf over there. / Phlippe: These don't sound like bedtime stories!... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=09162003 |
| Anarchist's Cookbook | [[Philippe wears Batman pajamas facing Lyle]]
/ Philippe: Lyle, will you read me a bedtime story?
/ Lyle: Huh? How come? / Philippe: I just saw Harry Potter and I'm too scared to go to sleep!
/ Lyle: Oh, alright. Just grab somethin' off my shelf over there. / Phlippe: These don't sound like bedtime stories!... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=09162003 |
| Anarchist's Cookbook | [[Philippe wears Batman pajamas facing Lyle]]
/ Philippe: Lyle, will you read me a bedtime story?
/ Lyle: Huh? How come? / Philippe: I just saw Harry Potter and I'm too scared to go to sleep!
/ Lyle: Oh, alright. Just grab somethin' off my shelf over there. / Phlippe: These don't sound like bedtime stories!... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=09162003 |
| Achewood - September 16, 2004 | Ray: So this is our Meyer Lemon Weissbier. Note the delicate clove aftertaste.
/ Roast Beef: Highfalutin' / Ray: We recommend serving this one with buckwheat latkes and modified-death Ottawa venison.
/ Roast Beef: What does that mean modified death / Ray: Well, it's been scientifically proven that the... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=09162004 |
| Cartilage Head Offers Wine | [[Ray is sitting at the table. Cartilage Head hands him a note from off-frame.]] / [[Cut to Ray's perspective. Cartilage Head is holding the note, which reads: WINE?.]] / [[Ray turns to grab the wine glass on his right hand side.]] / [[Ray hands wine glass to Cartilage Head.]] / [[Cut to a curious... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=09162005 |
| Cartilage Head Offers Wine | [[Ray is sitting at the table. Cartilage Head hands him a note from off-frame.]] / [[Cut to Ray's perspective. Cartilage Head is holding the note, which reads: WINE?.]] / [[Ray turns to grab the wine glass on his right hand side.]] / [[Ray hands wine glass to Cartilage Head.]] / [[Cut to a curious... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=09162005 |
| Achewood - September 17, 2002 | [[Hospital waiting room]]
/ Ray: Let's everybody say somethin' nice about Roast Beef while we wait out here for the doctor, OK?
/ Ray: Why don't you start, Pat. / Pat: Why don't YOU start, Ray? Seems to me like you got the most ground to regain! / Dr. Andretti: Hello, I'm Dr. Paul Andretti. You are... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=09172002 |
| Achewood - September 17, 2002 | [[Hospital waiting room]]
/ Ray: Let's everybody say somethin' nice about Roast Beef while we wait out here for the doctor, OK?
/ Ray: Why don't you start, Pat. / Pat: Why don't YOU start, Ray? Seems to me like you got the most ground to regain! / Dr. Andretti: Hello, I'm Dr. Paul Andretti. You are... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=09172002 |
| Kmart, Lyle, and Viet Nam | [[Philippe reads the Anarchist's Cookbook]]
/ Lyle: Philippe! You've been readin' that for hours! / Philippe: The Anarchy Cookbook is amazing!
/ Philippe: Did you know that McDonald's is the best place to use counterfeit money? / Philippe: It's because no one there cares what is happening!
/ Lyle: That's... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=09172003 |
| Kmart, Lyle, and Viet Nam | [[Philippe reads the Anarchist's Cookbook]]
/ Lyle: Philippe! You've been readin' that thing for hours! / Philippe: The Anarchy Cookbook is amazing!
/ Philippe: Did you know that McDonald's is the best place to use counterfeit money? / Philippe: It's because no one there cares what is happening!
/ Lyle:... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=09172003 |
| Achewood - September 17, 2007 | Ray: Dogg! Do NOT play with my merkin! / Ray: Téodor I-- Do NOT drag my merkin in the breakfast eggs! You gonna RUIN that merkin! / Téodor: Seriously, what is this thing? A toupee for your Diner's Club credit card?
/ Ray: It's a historical pubic wig from when prostitutes had to shave "down there" because... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=09172007 |
| Achewood - September 18, 2002 | [[Roast Beef is laying in bed, Philippe is by bedside]]
/ Roast Beef; Well hello there Philippe
/ How nice of you to visit
/ I was wondering how I was going to get my smiles on!
/ Philippe; H-hello Roast Beef...h-h-how are you doing? / Roast Beef; Oh not too bad except for that I am shot
/ Don't that just... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=09182002 |
| Don't Thank Me, Thank Anarchy | Philippe: Mom, guess what! I'm calling you from a pay phone...
/ Philippe: and I didn't even have to pay for it!
/ Lyle: Heh! / Philippe's Mom: Philippe? Dear? Is that you? / Philippe: I used an Anarchy Box!
/ Lyle: It's actually called a Red Box. / Philippe's Mom: Did you get the sweaters I mailed you,... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=09182003 |
| Achewood - September 18, 2006 | [[Philippe walks up to Mr. Bear, who is writing on a clipboard]]
/ PHILIPPE: Whatcha' doin', Mr. Bear? / MR. BEAR: Hello, Philippe. I'm occupying myself by writing polyglot palindromes. / [[Philippe looks confused]] / MR. BEAR: I'm sorry. Phrases that are English in one direction, and a different language... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=09182006 |
| Achewood - September 18, 2007 - Bubble Gum | [[Teodor is blowing a bubble.]]
/ < http://achewood.com/index.php?date=09182007 |
| Under Philippe's Wing | [[matchmaker4U.com message page, reading I AM A: Man Seeking a Woman. Message box reads:]]
/ Dear Ladies, My name is Roast Beef! I would like to meet you! / [[Pull away from computer screen to reveal Philippe typing on the computer:]]
/ Philippe (typing): I have nice gray hair and I like to program... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=09192002 |
| Under Philippe's Wing | [[matchmaker4U.com message page, reading I AM A: Man Seeking a Woman. Message box reads:]]
/ Dear Ladies, My name is Roast Beef! I would like to meet you! / [[Pull away from computer screen to reveal Philippe typing on the computer:]]
/ Philippe (typing): I have nice gray hair and I like to program... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=09192002 |
| Electrocuting Pat's Dick | Lyle: Alright, it's real nice of you to use the Anarchist's Cookbook to get presents for your mom,
/ Lyle: ...but now let's use it to play pranks on people!
/ Philippe: Pranks? / Lyle: Yeah, like throwing a homemade smoke bomb through Pat's window!
/ Philippe: But that's mean! What if it hit him? / Lyle:... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=09192003 |
| Achewood - September 19, 2005 | [[Ray sips the wine]] / [[Ray surrounded by coffee, strawberries, bananas, grapes, cinnamon. And apples.]] / < http://achewood.com/index.php?date=09192005 |
| Cartilage Head and the Whispering Saw | [[Ray sips the wine]] / [[Ray surrounded by coffee, strawberries, bananas, grapes, cinnamon. And apples.]] / < http://achewood.com/index.php?date=09192005 |
| Achewood - September 19, 2005 | [[Ray sips the wine]] / [[Ray is surrounded by coffee beans, strawberries, bananas, grapes, cinnamon. And apples.]] / < http://achewood.com/index.php?date=09192005 |
| Little Nephew and the Vaseline | [[Little Nephew reads an instruction manual]]
/ Little Nephew: "Use a petroleum-based lubricant, such as Vaseline, to keep the contact points from corroding during winter storage."
/ Little Nephew: I think we cold got some 'a that in the medicine cabinet. / [[Little Nephew in a hallway holding a jar of... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=09192006 |
| Achewood - September 19, 2008 | [[Ray and Roast Beef are in Beef's car. Ray is disguised as a desert prince - black wig with sideburns, big black eyebrows, big goatee, dark aviator sunglasses, general's uniform with medals. Beef is slapping the steering wheel and laughing.]]
/ Roast Beef: Oh hee dude you gonna play her to a T man... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=09192008 |
| Achewood - September 20, 2002 | Philippe: [[is waking up in his bed]] < http://achewood.com/index.php?date=09202002 |
| Achewood - September 20, 2005 | WUMP http://achewood.com/index.php?date=09202005 |
| Cartilage Head: Grand Finale. | [[Grand Finale]] / < http://achewood.com/index.php?date=09202005 |
| Achewood - September 20, 2005 | [[GRAND FINALE]] / [[Ray applauds, tears in his eyes]] / [[Close-up of Cartilage Head's hand placing a needle on a record]] / Ray: (thinks) Oh man no no he ain't got to do this twice in one night! / [[Cartilage Head begins his head-squishing trick, but suddenly stops, a shocked expression on his... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=09202005 |
| Cartilage Head: Grand Finale | [[Panel with vertical text: GRAND FINALE]] / [[Ray applauds, still weeping. The remains of his meal are on the plate in front of him.]] / [[ A pale hand places a gramaphone needle on a record. ]]
/ < http://achewood.com/index.php?date=09202005 |
| Achewood - September 20, 2005 | [[Title text: GRAND FINALE.]] / [[Ray claps, still weeping and trembling.]]
/ < http://achewood.com/index.php?date=09202005 |
| Achewood - September 20, 2007 | Teodor: What are you doing, Lyle? / Lyle: I'm lickin' this bra! Found it at the police station! / Teodor: Gross! You don't know where it's been!
/ Lyle: It's been on TITS, man! That's pretty much the only place one 'a these goes! / Teodor: What if it was on some septic, lactating crackhead?
/ Lyle:... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=09202007 |
| Achewood - September 21, 2005 | [[A lonely street at night, the moon obscured by clouds. Ray stoically drives Cartilage Head's antique car slowly down an empty street.]]
/ < http://achewood.com/index.php?date=09212005 |
| Achewood - September 21, 2006 | [[Ray sits in a large chair wearing a robe and reading the newspaper]]
/ Ray: Holy Crap! Bensington Butters just launched a premium clothing label, entered treatment for painkiller addiction, AND made the Al Qaeda death list!
/ Ray: That flashy son of a bitch! / Ray (in thought): He's makin' his move,... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=09212006 |
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