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| a class="searchlink" href="http://achewood.com/index.php?date=08202009">http://achewood.com/index.php?date=08202009 | [untranscribed - please consider transcribing this comic!] |
| Achewood - August 21, 2002 | Caption: WEDNESDAY, AUGUST 21
/ A FLASHBACK
/ [[Roast Beef, walking alone on the surface of the moon, stops in his tracks.]]
/ Roast Beef: ! / [[Flashback: Ray sits, presumably at a table, with a dish of food and a glass of wine in front of him. He holds a knife and a fork, and looks disgruntled. Roast... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=08212002 |
| Santa's Dad | Mark Twain: An outlandish silver conveyance alighted upon the back lawn as I wrote in my study this evening. / Mark Twain: From it emerged two remarkable animals: / Mark Twain: A bespectacled housecat who could not speak for nervous agitation, / Mark Twain: ...and an exuberant river otter who asked... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=08212003 |
| Santa's Dad | [[Ray's "time machine" is sitting on a lawn in the dark]]
/ Mark Twain: An outlandish silver conveyance alighted upon the back lawn as I wrote in my study this evening. / [[The door to the "time machine" opens]]
/ < http://achewood.com/index.php?date=08212003 |
| The Brothers In The Syndicate | [[Teodor stands next to an owl on a perch.]]
/ Teodor: Whoah! What's with the owl? / [[Ray appears, toweling off.]]
/ Ray: Hey, T. All the brothers in the syndicate just chose what's gonna be they new 'thang for the year.
/ I got Rocky here. / [[Bensington Butters is sitting in front of many microphones,... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=08212006 |
| The Brothers In The Syndicate | [[Téodor stands next to an owl on a perch.]]
/ Téodor: Whoah! What's with the owl? / [[Ray appears, toweling off.]]
/ Ray: Hey, T. All the brothers in the syndicate just chose what's gonna be they new 'thang for the year.
/ I got Rocky here. / [[Bensington Butters is sitting in front of many microphones,... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=08212006 |
| Achewood - August 21, 2007 | [[Exterior shot of Ray Smuckles' Cadillac. Ray in the driver's seat; Roast Beef is in the passenger seat]]
/ Roast Beef: Ugh oh man why you let him sell you that damn Jalapiñata Triple-Spiced Finisher's Power Plate / [[Restaurant sign: Fiesta Max!]]
/ Roast Beef: I mean Jesus who ever heard of havin'... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=08212007 |
| Achewood - August 21, 2007 | [[Exterior shot of Ray Smuckles' Cadillac. Ray in the driver's seat; Roast Beef is in the passenger seat]]
/ Roast Beef: Ugh oh man why you let him sell you that damn Jalapiñata Triple-Spiced Finisher's Power Plate / [[Restaurant sign: Fiesta Max!]]
/ Roast Beef: I mean Jesus who ever heard of havin'... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=08212007 |
| Achewood - August 22, 2002 | [[Interior of Pat's rocket ship, on the moon. Roast Beef is at his laptop, and talking on the phone with Ray, back on Earth. This is a continuation of an earlier strip in which Roast Beef talks of his hacking exploits and Ray attempts to bluff knowledge with the help of a guidebook.]]
/ Roast Beef: Oh... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=08222002 |
| Dressing Like Twain | Mark Twain: He seemed quite taken by my clothing which to my surprise flattered me a great deal.
/ Ray: Daamn, I am diggin' these old-school duds! / Mark Twain: He wondered aloud where he might get a similar outfit, and added that he would be willing to spend "heck of Benjamins."
/ Ray: Seriously, man! / Mark... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=08222003 |
| Dressing Like Twain | [[We see Mark Twain from the neck down. Ray is feeling Mark Twain's pants]]
/ Mark Twain: He seemed quite taken by my clothing, which to my surprise flattered me a great deal.
/ Ray: Daamn, I am diggin' these old-school duds! / [[Close up of Ray with his arms crossed]]
/ Mark Twain: He wondered aloud where... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=08222003 |
| Achewood - August 22, 2005 | Ray: Philippe! Come quick! Roast Beef is havin' a baby! / Philippe: But I thought men couldn't have babies!
/ Ray: Don't talk! / [[Outside Ray's room]]
/ Ray: Alright now - he's havin' his baby in my room. Are you okay with that?
/ Philippe: Yes! / [[Roast Beef lying on bed]]
/ Ray: Roast Beef! Good... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=08222005 |
| Achewood - August 22, 2007 | Phillippe: In there!
/ < http://achewood.com/index.php?date=08222007 |
| Achewood - August 22, 2007 | [[Philippe is dressed in a birthday hat and a bowtie, pointing toward a door. Ray is standing outside the door in a tuxedo listening to the noises coming from the other side.]]
/ Philippe: In there!
/ < http://achewood.com/index.php?date=08222007 |
| Achewood - August 22, 2008 | [[Roast Beef reading, Molly is rubbing his back/shoulders.]]
/ Molly: Babe, can I give you a little trim "down there"? / [[Close-up of Beef's face, he has turned his head toward Molly.]]
/ Beef: It ain't exactly like my thatch is sportin' an afro pick and a disregard for people who have to sit behind... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=08222008 |
| Achewood - August 23, 2002 | [[Interior of Pat's rocket ship, on the Moon. Roast Beef is on the phone with Ray, back on Earth, who has just made a bizarre off-colour remark about Beef's mother in an attempt to talk like a hacker. Beef has one hand to his lips in shock.]]
/ Roast Beef (thinks): Oh my god did Ray just say what I think... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=08232002 |
| Achewood - August 23, 2004 | [[Roast Beef is shown in negative, wearing a shirt and tie, as well as eyeglasses, a wig and moustache. A microphone is placed in front of him.]]
/ [[Title card: ROAST BEEF'S... THEATRE OF THOUGHTS]] / [[The scene switches from negative back to normal colors, as Roast Beef stands in front of the microphone.]] / [[Roast... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=08232004 |
| Achewood - August 23, 2005 | Roast Beef (thought bubble): Oh dang man some nasty old belly button lint / Roast Beef (thought bubble): I wonder what my belly button even looks like up close anyway / [[Roast Beef looks in a drawer]]
/ Roast Beef (thought bubble): Hm no magnifying glass / Roast Beef (thought bubble): Nobody's around... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=08232005 |
| Achewood - August 23, 2005 | Roast Beef (thought bubble): Oh dang man some nasty old belly button lint / [[Roast Beef squints one eye closed and looks at belly button]]
/ Roast Beef (thought bubble): I wonder what my belly button even looks like up close anyway / [[Roast Beef looks in a drawer]]
/ Roast Beef (thought bubble): Hm... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=08232005 |
| Roast Beef bangs a website | Roast Beef (thought bubble): Oh dang man some nasty old belly button lint / Roast Beef (thought bubble): I wonder what my belly button even looks like up close anyway / [[Roast Beef looks in a drawer]]
/ Roast Beef (thought bubble): Hm no magnifying glass / Roast Beef (thought bubble): Nobody's around... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=08232005 |
| Achewood - August 23, 2006 | [[Roast Beef is on the phone with Téodor]] / RB: Dogg Téodor help I accidentally spent all afternoon watchin' video clips of rally cars plowin' into crowds and I promised to cook a special meal for Molly tonight ! / RB: Dude I don't know just tell me what cooks fast and is extremely special ! / RB:... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=08232006 |
| Philippe Solves Homelessness | [[Roast Beef, wearing a tie, and Philippe, wearing a tie as well as a newspaper hat, are seated at a table. Roast Beef has paper and pen.]]
/ Beef: Okay Philippe when you run for President you got to be able to say opinions on subjects at the drop of a hat
/ Philippe: Cool! / Beef: So I am gonna say... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=08242004 |
| Achewood - August 24, 2005 | [[Teodor is walking down a hall, past a door]] / [[A voice comes from inside the door, Teodor stops and listens]]
/ Voice: If you would like more of the soda you can have more of the soda / [[Teodor continues listening]]
/ Voice: No it didn't cost too much it only cost a little bit so help yourself. / [[Teodor... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=08242005 |
| Achewood - August 24, 2006 | [[An excerpt from Beef's 'Zine #2 - The Sex Issue]] / Erotic Fiction by Ed E. "Steam Keys" Haskell / J-Boy laid back on the couch, naked as hell, and twice as horny. Maria, insane with ass, did Miami claps with her booty. This made J-Boy say that she was so hot. The words came out of his mouth before... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=08242006 |
| Achewood - August 24, 2007 - The Butcher's Diagram | [[Phillipe is looking at a diagram entitled "Beef showing various cuts", which has been placed on an easel]]
/ Phillipe: Well! What a fancy drawing of a cow with dotted lines separating all the main steaks! A very nice present! / [[Phillipe, black marker in hand, examines himself in a hand mirror]]
/ Phillipe:... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=08242007 |
| Achewood - August 24, 2007 - The Butcher's Diagram | [[Phillipe is looking at a diagram entitled "Beef showing various cuts", which has been placed on an easel]]
/ Phillipe: Well! What a fancy drawing of a cow with dotted lines separating all the main steaks! A very nice present! / [[Phillipe, black marker in hand, examines himself in a hand mirror]]
/ Phillipe:... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=08242007 |
| Spring Loaded Wooden Dog | [[Ray, dressed in a suit like Mark Twain's, is outside next to the "time machine"]]
/ Mark Twain: I inquired as to the origination of Ray and Philippe's time-traveling machine.
/ Ray: Oh, that? I got it off eBay. It's like an auction-type deal that you do on the computer. / [[Close up of Ray rubbing his... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=08252003 |
| Achewood - August 25, 2004 | [[ It's nighttime and we see the outside of Beef's Grandma's trailer. There is a folded up chair leaning against the wall. ]]
/ Someone in the trailer: Do you think you'll ever want to move out of this trailer, Beef? / [[ Roast Beef and Molly are lying on a mattress ( the mattress is just sitting on... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=08252004 |
| Achewood - August 25, 2004 | [[ It's nighttime and we see the outside of Beef's Grandma's trailer. There is a folded up chair leaning against the wall. ]]
/ Someone in the trailer: Do you think you'll ever want to move out of this trailer, Beef? / [[ Roast Beef and Molly are lying on a mattress ( the mattress is just sitting on... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=08252004 |
| Achewood - August 25, 2004 | [[ It's nighttime and we see the outside of Beef's Grandma's trailer. There is a folded up chair leaning against the wall. ]]
/ Molly: Do you think you'll ever want to move out of this trailer, Beef? / [[ Roast Beef and Molly are lying on a mattress ( the mattress is just sitting on the floor, no box... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=08252004 |
| Achewood - August 25, 2005 - HYPER-SPAM IN E-MAIL DIMENSION 9 | {{Title in Pixellated Letters}} ROAST BEEF BATTLES HYPER-SPAM IN E-MAIL DIMENSION 9 / [[Roast Beef, wearing a futuristic helmet, goggles, and spiked shoulderpads, holding a small square device with an antenna]]
/ {{Pixellated letters that Roast beef reads from the screen of the device}}RECEIVING MESSAGE... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=08252005 |
| Achewood - August 25, 2006 | [[ Ray enters the house carrying several bags. Teodor sits and reads]] / Ray: Man, I just got back from the grocery store. I am goin' crazy.
/ Teodor: What? How come? / Ray: It's like, every goddamn product go to have some kind of deal or promotion! Why can't a product just sit on the damn shelf and... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=08252006 |
| Achewood - August 25, 2006 | [[ Ray enters the house carrying several bags. Teodor sits and reads]] / Ray: Man, I just got back from the grocery store. I am goin' crazy.
/ Teodor: What? How come? / Ray: It's like, every goddamn product go to have some kind of deal or promotion! Why can't a product just sit on the damn shelf and... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=08252006 |
| Achewood - August 25, 2006 | [[ Ray enters the house carrying several bags. Teodor sits and reads]] / Ray: Man, I just got back from the grocery store. I am goin' crazy.
/ Teodor: What? How come? / Ray: It's like, every goddamn product go to have some kind of deal or promotion! Why can't a product just sit on the damn shelf and... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=08252006 |
| Achewood - August 25, 2006 | [[ Ray enters the house carrying several bags. Teodor sits and reads]] / Ray: Man, I just got back from the grocery store. I am goin' crazy.
/ Teodor: What? How come? / Ray: It's like, every goddamn product go to have some kind of deal or promotion! Why can't a product just sit on the damn shelf and... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=08252006 |
| Achewood - August 25, 2006 | [[ Ray enters the house carrying several bags. Teodor sits and reads]] / Ray: Man, I just got back from the grocery store. I am goin' crazy.
/ Teodor: What? How come? / Ray: It's like, every goddamn product go to have some kind of deal or promotion! Why can't a product just sit on the damn shelf and... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=08252006 |
| Achewood - August 25, 2008 | [[This is an illustrated flow-chart. Each line of dialogue represents the text of one box or the text of one link]]
/ [[There are three distinct branches, none of which branch further. They are presented each in their entirety from left to right]]
/ A ROD HUGGINS DECISION-MAKING FLOWCHART
/ 9AM, BED.... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=08252008 |
| a class="searchlink" href="http://achewood.com/index.php?date=08252009">http://achewood.com/index.php?date=08252009 | [untranscribed - please consider transcribing this comic!] |
| Cornelius Bear's Diary Entry | [[DIARY STRIP: CORNELIUS BEAR, AUGUST 26, 2003]] / Mr. Bear: 5:35AM: While I waited for my morning muffin to toast, I thought I'd gamely rinse out the dirty frying pan someone had left on the stove the night before. / Mr. Bear: Funny, I don't remember anyone making anything with coconut last night! / Mr.... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=08262003 |
| Cornelius Bear's Diary Entry | [[DIARY STRIP: CORNELIUS BEAR, AUGUST 23, 2003]] / [[Mr. Bear in a bathrobe reaching for a frying pan on the stove]]
/ Mr. Bear: 5:35AM: While I waited for my morning muffin to toast, I thought I'd gamely rinse out the dirty frying pan someone had left on the stove the night before. / [[Mr. Bear looking... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=08262003 |
| Achewood - August 26, 2005 | [[Ray and Roast Beef (who's wearing a shirt and tie) walk]]
/ Ray: Well, I'm thinkin' about gettin' me some nipple rings. You know? / Roast Beef: Dang somethin' about that don't quite seem like you Ray
/ Ray: Serious? How come? / Roast Beef: Well nipple rings almost seems like you 'cause you got kind... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=08262005 |
| Achewood - August 26, 2008 | [[Ray is flipping through Roast Beef's yearbook]]
/ Ray: Oh, man! Your senior high school photo is just slayin' me, Beef! Ha! Ha! Ha! / [[Photo of Roast Beef wearing a jacket and button-down shirt with hair like he's in the Cure or something, to include a downtrodden expression. Also half of the... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=08262008 |
| Achewood - August 27, 2003 | Roast Beef: Hey Ray man where in hell did you go / Roast Beef: We got into some trouble tryin' to watch a movie your entertainment system
/ Lyle: Kill the flashlight! / Roast Beef: I tried just turnin' on the TV by usin' the button on the front but nothing happened. / Roast Beef: Then Lyle was all... http://achewood.com/?date=08272003 |
| The Trouble With Ray's Entertainment Center | [[Dark, Roast Beef speaks on a phone. He is partially illuminated by a flashlight]]
/ Roast Beef: Hey Ray man where in hell did you go / Roast Beef: We got into some trouble tryin' to watch a movie on your entertainment system
/ Lyle: Kill the flashlight! / Roast Beef: I tried just turnin' on the TV... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=08272003 |
| Achewood - August 27, 2004 | [[This is an excerpt of the Achewood Cookbook. Like so, it features a cuttable frame for a probable custom filling book]]
/ Beer Can Chicken / Ray Says: "This is a recipe I always like to make when I have a special lady over. The bird cooks for about an hour and a half, during which time you can serve... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=08272004 |
| Achewood - August 27, 2007 - Lyle in Traffic Court | Judge: Lyle Gabriel, this police report states that you made an illegal U-turn on the 1500 block of Elm Street. Mr. Gabriel, how do you plead? / Lyle: Not guilty, your Honor. I was just tryin' to hang a Larry when all of a sudden my...my arm got caught in the steerin' wheel. I never meant to flip a... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=08272007 |
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