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| Achewood - August 6, 2002 | [[Cornelius Bear - with more hair on his head than we customarily see, but otherwise familiar - sits reading in a magnificent yet cosy Neo-Gothic wood-panelled hall. Three-branched candelabra illuminate the scene. On the wall above his comfortable armchair are two pennants reading 'ACHEWOOD' and 'VARSITY.'... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=08062002 |
| Vlad and Roast Beef's Window | Téodor: Alright, Beef. Vlad's here to help you with romantic etiquette.
/ Roast Beef: Oh uh but I don't need- / Vlad: Roast Beef. I am glad they call me. Am heppy to help friend in need. / Roast Beef: Vlad uh I don't know what they told you but I don't need no-
/ Vlad: Bah! I too walk down these neighborhood... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=08062003 |
| Achewood - August 6, 2008 | Is There Ever a "Good" Time To Have a Baby?
/ A DIALECTIC
/ [[ A flow-chart illustrating a conversation between Molly and Roast Beef]].
/ Molly: (looking a little nonplussed) There's no good time to have a baby. You just have to start.
/ Roast Beef: [[Holding his hand out in an "on-the-other-hand" posture]]... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=08062008 |
| a class="searchlink" href="http://achewood.com/index.php?date=08062009">http://achewood.com/index.php?date=08062009 | [untranscribed - please consider transcribing this comic!] |
| Achewood - August 7, 2002 | [[The moon. Extreme long shot of Pat's rocket ship, parked on its fins. On the ground outside is a little loop of footprints, and the word 'JAVA' fingerwritten in the dust. Roast Beef evidently has never gone far from base.]]
/ Roast Beef (thinks): Dang that's one thing Pat forgot -- muffins / [[Interior... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=08072002 |
| Achewood - August 7, 2006 | [[Painting of a castle standing near a river. The sky is dark. Subtitle: Gladdington Castle, 1328]] / [[The king is in his pajamas, looking dreadful and close to death. Simon is narrating the situation]]
/ The King lies on his deathbed. Sensing that the end is near, he commands his cook to bring him... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=08072006 |
| Achewood - August 8, 2002 | [[Probably chez Onstad. Lyle sits on a settle, reading a paper, while Ray drinks a martini.]]
/ < http://achewood.com/index.php?date=08082002 |
| Achewood - August 8, 2002 | [[Probably chez Onstad. Lyle sits on a settle, reading a paper, while Ray drinks a martini.]]
/ < http://achewood.com/index.php?date=08082002 |
| Achewood - August 8, 2002 | [[Probably chez Onstad. Lyle sits on a settle, reading a paper, while Ray drinks a martini.]]
/ < http://achewood.com/index.php?date=08082002 |
| Achewood - August 8, 2005 | [[Parody Title Screen]]: Harry Potter and the Hanoi Hilton - Lyle Gabriel / Lyle [[Typing]]: Stiv dropped Harry with a fat one to the mug and tossed him behind the cough. He didn't need the kid around for what came next. < http://achewood.com/index.php?date=08082005 |
| Achewood - August 8, 2005 | [[Parody Title Screen]]: Harry Potter and the Hanoi Hilton - Lyle Gabriel / Lyle [[Typing]]: Stiv dropped Harry with a fat one to the mug and tossed him behind the cough. He didn't need the kid around for what came next. < http://achewood.com/index.php?date=08082005 |
| Achewood - August 8, 2005 | [[Parody Title Screen]]: Harry Potter and the Hanoi Hilton - Lyle Gabriel / Lyle [[Typing]]: Stiv dropped Harry with a fat one to the mug and tossed him behind the couch. He didn't need the kid around for what came next. < http://achewood.com/index.php?date=08082005 |
| Achewood - August 8, 2007 | [[Ray dances about upon a dancing rhythm game controller]]
/ Dance, dance. / Dance, dance, dance. / I'm...the lit-tle dance-dance boy. / Ray Smuckles. Eleven one five.
/ < http://achewood.com/index.php?date=08082007 |
| Achewood - August 8, 2008 | [[Ray is driving his Escalade in the city. He has just cut off an old lady with a walker, who looks up at him, shocked.]]
/ Ray (thinking to himself): Oops! I shoulda' let that old lady cross. Shucks, man. Hella bad manners of me. / Ray: Alright, I'ma let this goofity-assed PT Cruiser back out. ... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=08082008 |
| Achewood - August 9, 2002 | [[Ray, dressed in tracksuit jacket and with martini glass firmly in hand, is on the phone with Roast Beef, who has been on the moon since June.]]
/ Ray: Come on, Roast Beef! Come on back, and make me some Galaxy Nachos!
/ Roast Beef (V.O.): aw Ray you know I don't plan on comin home anytime soon / Ray:... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=08092002 |
| Achewood - August 9, 2004 | [[Night. Roast Beef is lying awake in bed next to Molly, who is sleeping. ]]
/ Roast Beef: Man I am just a real shit of a dude / Roast Beef: Maybe I got to take like a course at the community college
/ Roast Beef: Try to improve somewhat / [[ He takes out the catalog. ]]
/ Roast Beef: Let's see what they... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=08092004 |
| Achewood - August 9, 2004 | [[Night. Roast Beef is lying awake in bed next to Molly, who is sleeping. ]]
/ Roast Beef: Man I am just a real shit of a dude / Roast Beef: Maybe I got to take like a course at the community college
/ Roast Beef: Try to improve somewhat / [[ He takes out the catalog. ]]
/ Roast Beef: Let's see what they... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=08092004 |
| Ray Insulted Russell Simmons? | [[Ray is standing at a small table, which has a martini glass, a bottle and cocktail mixer. He is having a smoke, and has a towel over his shoulder.]]
/ < http://achewood.com/index.php?date=08092005 |
| Achewood - August 9, 2006 | Pat: YOU CAN'T JUST TALK! TODAY IS A RAISING YOUR HAND DAY! THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT IS! / Phone: R-R-R-RING!
/ Pat: Oh, Jesus Christ! Who calls anybody anymore?! How rude! Pete, my hands are all sopping wet! What does caller ID say? / Caller ID: FAthEr / Pat: Oh, stop it, nobody likes a funny-ass! / Pat:... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=08092006 |
| Achewood - August 9, 2006 | Pat: YOU CAN'T JUST TALK! TODAY IS A RAISING YOUR HAND DAY! THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT IS! / Phone: R-R-R-RING!
/ Pat: Oh, Jesus Christ! Who calls anybody anymore?! How rude! Pete, my hands are all sopping wet! What does caller ID say? / [[The Caller ID. It is made by Call Systems LLC. ]]
/ Caller ID: FAthEr / [[... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=08092006 |
| Achewood - August 9, 2006 | [[Nice Pete is lounging in front of Pat's television with the remote, looking annoyed. In the background, Pat is washing the dishes while yelling.]]
/ Pat: YOU CAN'T JUST TALK! TODAY IS A RAISING YOUR HAND DAY! THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT IS! / [[Pat is angered by the phone ringing.]]
/ < http://achewood.com/index.php?date=08092006 |
| Achewood - August 9, 2007 | [[Ray is driving his Escalade at night, on a highway, alone]]
/ Ray: Man, what is the matter with me? I just called my best friend a butthole!
/ Ray: A butthole! / [[Interior view]]
/ Ray: Talk about something you don't serve with a chilled rosé.
/ < http://achewood.com/index.php?date=08092007 |
| Achewood - August 10, 2004 | Ray Smuckles: Hey Waterbury! I'm writin' a musical! Can you give me some feedback?
/ Waterbury: Certainly, sir. / Ray Smuckles: Alright. The idea is that there's this guy who's training to eat the biggest steak in the world... But he has doubts, you know? / Waterbury: Man against self. A time-honored... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=08102004 |
| Achewood - August 10, 2007 | [[Shot of a door with two signs: "PAPA PUNG V. ALAN 'CHAKA' PUNG" AND "BOOM-DAT HYYPE 'TERAPY"]]
/ Chaka: I see's den. You is beatin' on you's best 'omeboy. Why is dat, Ray? / [[Chaka sits in a chair facing Ray and holds a clipboard and pen.]]
/ Ray: My best friend's gettin' married, and / I think I'm... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=08102007 |
| a class="searchlink" href="http://achewood.com/index.php?date=08102009">http://achewood.com/index.php?date=08102009 | [untranscribed - please consider transcribing this comic!] |
| Beef's Microsoft Word Ad | Ray: Alright Beef! Come on out and show us the new you! / [[Roast Beef is in a changing booth]]
/ Roast Beef: Uh okay but I ain't too sure I am happy with these results
/ Ray: Oh, get over your fussy self! Step on out. / < http://achewood.com/index.php?date=08112003 |
| Achewood - August 11, 2004 | [[Night. Roast Beef is reading the Achewood Community College catalog in bed as Molly sleeps next to him. The page reads as follows:]] / Achewood Community College - Electives!
/ All Electives! courses count towards the Mix-n-Match portion of your degree. / Al Roker Body Mass Timeline
/ Fridays, 1 unit
/ Instructor... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=08112004 |
| Achewood - August 11, 2005 | [[Ray in tux and holding martini glass is leaning out a doorway talking to Todd, who is wearing a white t-shirt]] / Ray: Todd! Get away! This ain't a party of crap dudes! / Todd: But ya' ain't even heard what I wanted! / Ray: You're terrible!
/ Ray: You are terrible! / Todd: S-S-So I'm enterin' this... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=08112005 |
| Achewood - August 11, 2005 | [[Ray in tux and holding martini glass is leaning out a doorway talking to Todd, who is wearing a white t-shirt]] / Ray: Todd! Get away! This ain't a party of crap dudes! / Todd: But ya' ain't even heard what I wanted! / Ray: You're terrible!
/ Ray: You are terrible! / Todd: S-S-So I'm enterin' this... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=08112005 |
| Achewood - August 11, 2006 | [[Behind the closed door of Ray's Prime Time Records office, two men are heard arguing.]]
/ Pat's father: ...that cook was our ancestor. It's why I'm gay, and it's why you probably started to question your own sexuality a few years back. I know what it's like, Pat. I went through it too. / [[Ray stands... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=08112006 |
| Achewood - August 11, 2008 | [[The cover of a book, black text on a white background reads "Amy Vanderbilt's Complete Book of Etiquette" "New York. 1932."]] / [[Nice Pete is reading the book.]]
/ Nice Pete: This is all well and fine for city folks but this strange woman makes no mention of proper country decorum and tradition / Narrator:... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=08112008 |
| Achewood - August 11, 2008 | [[The cover of a book, black text on a white background reads "Amy Vanderbilt's Complete Book of Etiquette" "New York. 1932."]] / [[Nice Pete is reading the book.]]
/ Nice Pete: This is all well and fine for city folks but this strange woman makes no mention of proper country decorum and tradition / Narrator:... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=08112008 |
| Achewood - August 12, 2002 | [[Philippe is possessed by the soul of Billy Idol. He is dressed like Billy Idol to reflect this.]]
/ Billy Idol: WHAT... WHAT'S THE MATTER PHILIPPE
/ Philippe: < http://achewood.com/index.php?date=08122002 |
| a class="searchlink" href="http://achewood.com/?date=08122004">http://achewood.com/?date=08122004 | [untranscribed - please consider transcribing this comic!] |
| Achewood - August 12, 2005 | [[Pat stands and looks in direction of phone]] R-R-RING! / R-R-R-R-RING! / [[Pat stares at phone and caller ID]] R-R-RING!
/ [[Caller ID reads: FAthEr]] / [[Pat is speaking on the phone]] Hello, Simon. / Egads! MUST you blow that damned kazoo?! / No! NO! Do NOT sing the Pat song!
/ STOP IT! / No,... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=08122005 |
| Achewood - August 12, 2005 | [[Pat stands and looks in direction of phone]] R-R-RING! / R-R-R-R-RING! / [[Pat stares at phone and caller ID]] R-R-RING!
/ [[Caller ID reads: FAthEr]] / [[Pat is speaking on the phone]] Hello, Simon. / Egads! MUST you blow that damned kazoo?! / No! NO! Do NOT sing the Pat song!
/ STOP IT! / No,... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=08122005 |
| Achewood - August 12, 2005 | [[Pat stands and looks in direction of phone]] R-R-RING! / R-R-R-R-RING! / [[Pat stares at phone and caller ID]] R-R-RING!
/ [[Caller ID reads: FAthEr]] / [[Pat is speaking on the phone]] Hello, Simon. / Egads! MUST you blow that damned kazoo?! / No! NO! Do NOT sing the Pat song!
/ STOP IT! / No,... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=08122005 |
| Achewood - August 12, 2005 | [[Pat stands and looks in direction of phone]] R-R-RING! / R-R-R-R-RING! / [[Pat stares at phone and caller ID]] R-R-RING!
/ [[Caller ID reads: FAthEr]] / [[Pat is speaking on the phone]] Hello, Simon. / Egads! MUST you blow that damned kazoo?! / No! NO! Do NOT sing the Pat song!
/ STOP IT! / No,... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=08122005 |
| Achewood - August 13, 2002 | [[The lunar surface. Roast Beef, wearing a helmet, is on the phone with Ray, who is visible as an inset head and shoulders in his speech bubble.]]
/ Roast Beef: so how do you french anyway
/ Ray: Aw, it's real easy, Beef! / [[Cut to Ray, relaxing in tracksuit jacket avec martini.]]
/ Ray: Listen... first... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=08132002 |
| Weezer / iMac | [[Ray is on the phone in bed]]
/ Ray: What do you mean you want off the show, Beef?
/ Ray: We just finished your makeover! You can't quit now! / [[Ray listens to phone]] / Ray: Yeah I've heard of "Weezer." Of course I have, God dammit! / [[Ray listens to phone]] / [[Ray listens to phone]] / Ray: Well,... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=08132003 |
| Weezer / iMac | [[Ray is lying on his back, talking on the phone, in bed]]
/ Ray: What do you mean you want off the show, Beef?
/ Ray: We just finished your makeover! You can't quit now! / [[Ray listens to the phone]] / [[Ray rolls over onto his side]]
/ Ray: Yeah I've heard of "Weezer." Of course I have, God dammit! / [[Ray... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=08132003 |
| Achewood - August 13, 2007 | [[A page from Philippe's newspaper.]]
/ The Philippe Times. TIME FOR US TO MOTOR! Vol.9 No.15
/ SCIENCE SECTION
/ by Philippe, editor-in-chief! [[A picture of Philippe with futuristic glasses, and orbits circling around his head.]]
/ Don't think MOTORS are important? Then try having things in your life!... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=08132007 |
| Achewood § August 13, 2009 | h1.documentFirstHeading { position: absolute; top: 130px; color: #fff; }
/ #content-sidebar { display: none; }
/ #portal-breadcrumbs { display: none; } / [[Cartilage Head's biplane sputters to life and begins to roll.]] / [[The biplane is in flight.]]< http://achewood.com/index.php?date=08132009 |
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