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| Achewood - July 8, 2003 | [[Ray and Roast Beef are sitting in chairs]]
/ Ray: Heh heh! Dang, Beef!
/ Ray: You were like the Martha Steward of condoms, all finding new and clever household uses for them! / Roast Beef: Hee hee
/ Roast Beef: "Pipe frosting, or even a fresh fruit coulis, through the tip of a punctured condom" / Ray:... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=07082003 |
| Achewood - July 8, 2003 | [[Ray and Roast Beef are sitting in chairs]]
/ Ray: Heh heh! Dang, Beef!
/ Ray: You were like the Martha Steward of condoms, all finding new and clever household uses for them! / [[Roast Beef makes a smug Martha Stewart face]]
/ Roast Beef: Hee hee
/ Roast Beef: "Pipe frosting, or even a fresh fruit coulis,... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=07082003 |
| Achewood - July 8, 2003 | [[Ray and Roast Beef are sitting in chairs]]
/ Ray: Heh heh! Dang, Beef!
/ Ray: You were like the Martha Steward of condoms, all finding new and clever household uses for them! / Roast Beef: Hee hee
/ Roast Beef: "Pipe frosting, or even a fresh fruit coulis, through the tip of a punctured condom" / Ray:... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=07082003 |
| Achewood - July 8, 2004 | [[Little Nephew is meeting with his Goth friends.]]
/ Taller Goth: Who is this elderly interloper, Lord Absinthe?
/ Little Nephew: He... he followed me in. I couldn't shake him. / [[Ray enters, dressed in Goth garb, speaks to Little Nephew and the two other young Goths]]
/ Ray: Hey now, everybody! Tonight... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=07082004 |
| Achewood - July 8, 2005 | [[Nice Pete and Pat are at Support Group]]
/ Arthur: So welcome to Support Group, everyone! / Arthur: Has anyone had any Bad Problems since last time? / Pat: Nope. Not me. Next! / Nice Pete: Pat tell him / [[Pat turns to Nice Pete angrily]]
/ Pat: Hush now, Pete! / Nice Pete: Tell him what happened
/ Pat:... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=07082005 |
| Achewood § July 8, 2008 | A wide shot of the house, in darkness, with the caption: 'Wedding Day, 4.58am' / Teodor, dishevelled, is manically examining a bundle of papers in his hands. Teodor (thinks): Okay, that's everything through putting the reception trash out at the curb. Just need a one hour power-nap. / Teodor sleeps,... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=07082008 |
| Achewood § July 8, 2009 | [[The first panel is taken up with a large letter from Chuck Williams]]
/ Dear Mr. Smuckles,
/ Sadly it is true what you say. The public is not as willing as it once was to acquire such marvelous, joyful gourmet equipment as our FAA-approved In-flight Celery Root Denuder, or even such picnic essentials... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=07082009 |
| Achewood - July 9, 2002 | [[Ray's house, presumably. Ray, martini in hand, is on the phone with Roast Beef, who is on the moon.]]
/ Ray: Roast Beef! I made a really rad model train layout! Don't you want to come see it?
/ Roast Beef (V.O.): Man that sounds like some real B.S. Ray / [[Ray gestures expansively with his glass.]]
/ Ray:... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=07092002 |
| Achewood - July 9, 2004 | [[Ray is lying in bed. His phone rings.]] / Policeman: Hello, is this Mr. Ray Smuckles of 11 Via Verde? / [[Ray is bleary and confused.]] / Policeman: Sir, this is the Achewood City sheriff's department. We've received charges that you hired a known sex offender to mutilate his body in front of several... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=07092004 |
| Achewood - July 9, 2004 | [[Ray is lying in bed. His phone rings.]] / Policeman: Hello, is this Mr. Ray Smuckles of 11 Via Verde? / [[A close-up of Ray's bleary and confused face. He holds the phone to his head, silently in pain.]] / Policeman: Sir, this is the Achewood City sheriff's department. We've received charges that... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=07092004 |
| Achewood - July 9, 2007 | [[A picture of Ray on a couch, holding and licking a broccoli. The caption on the picture (white all-cap Impact font with black stroke) reads: "IM ON UR COUCH TASTING UR BROCLEY" The presence of a mouse cursor indicates that this is a shot of a computer screen.]] / [[Roast Beef is standing behind Ray,... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=07092007 |
| Achewood - July 10, 2002 | [[Unspecified location in Achewood. Two-shot of Ray and Phillippe, who is carrying a hand-lettered sign reading 'sammiches $8.']]
/ Ray: How's my new sign coming, Phillippe?
/ Phillippe: All done! / Ray: Dang, that ain't how you spell "sandwiches"!
/ Phillippe: It's not?
/ Ray: No, little guy! Here -- / [[Ray... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=07102002 |
| Achewood - July 10, 2003 | Phillipe: Who ate all the honey-roasted peanuts I left on the coffee table?! I was looking forward to having some when I came inside. / Lie-Bot: I think I saw Al Pacino grab a handful on his way to Teodor's room. / Phillipe: Al Pacino is in Teodor's room?! Oh my gosh!
/ Lie-Bot: Yeah. They're looking... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=07102003 |
| Achewood - July 10, 2003 | Philippe: Who ate all the honey-roasted peanuts I left on the coffee table?!
/ Philippe: I was looking forward to having some when I came inside! / Lie Bot: I think I saw Al Pacino grab a handful on his way to Teodor's room. / Philippe: Al Pacino is in Teodor's room?! Oh my gosh!
/ Lie Bot: Yeah. They're... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=07102003 |
| Philippe / Mozart / Honey Peanuts | [[Philippe is indignant]]
/ Philippe: Who ate all the honey-roasted peanuts I left on the coffee table?! I was looking forward to having some when I came inside! / [[Lie Bot enters]]
/ Lie Bot: I think I saw Al Pacino grab a handful on his way to Téodor's room. / Philippe: Al Pacino is in Téodor's room?!... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=07102003 |
| Achewood - July 10, 2007 | {{title: "This is one of the worst cat mistakes."}} / [[Ray leans in and considers his monitor, hands on his mouth]]
/ Ray: I'll make Roast Beef a quick little fake one. He'll get a laugh out of it and I can say I'm sorry. / [[A macro comprised of a picture of Roast Beef in Trent Reznor's car, wearing... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=07102007 |
| Achewood - July 10, 2007 | {{title: "This is one of the worst cat mistakes."}} / [[Ray leans in and considers his monitor, hands on his mouth]]
/ Ray: I'll make Roast Beef a quick little fake one. He'll get a laugh out of it and I can say I'm sorry. / [[A macro composed of a picture of Roast Beef in Trent Reznor's car, wearing... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=07102007 |
| Achewood - July 10, 2008 | [[Caption: THE WEDDING: GUESTS GATHER.]]
/ [[Ray's mansion, exterior. Wearing a tuxedo and holding a martini, Ray gazes out toward the street, watching the arrival of wedding guests.]]
/ Ray: (thinking) Daaamn, Doc Andretti drives a green Miata? I thought doctors had good cars... / [[Elsewhere on the... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=07102008 |
| Achewood - July 11, 2002 | [[Lyle is at the computer and Ray stands behind him, martini glass in hand.]]
/ Ray: Lyle! Since when do you lok at that kind of stuff?!
/ Lyle: Very funny, Ray. What's goin' on.
/ < http://achewood.com/index.php?date=07112002 |
| I saw your junk and liked it | [[Lyle is at the computer and Ray stands behind him, martini glass in hand.]]
/ Ray: Lyle! Since when do you lok at that kind of stuff?!
/ Lyle: Very funny, Ray. What's goin' on.
/ < http://achewood.com/index.php?date=07112002 |
| Achewood - July 11, 2003 | Ray: Hey hey, everybody! It's Chef Ray's famous citrus-brined chicken! / Ray: Whoah, where is everybody? What the hell?! / Ray: Man, what are all you guys doing out here? I just cooked up a delicous chicken! / Roast Beef: Quiet man hush Teodor just invented this insane new dance move / [[Teodor jumps... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=07112003 |
| Achewood - July 11, 2005 | [[Ray, drunk, is attempting to play the guitar with a collared shirt and wig on.]]
/ < http://achewood.com/index.php?date=07112005 |
| Achewood - July 11, 2006 | [[Roast Beef is sitting in front of his computer with his head on his hands; Molly enters the room]]
/ Molly: Babe, do you want some of this veal marsala I made?
/ Roast Beef: Oh sorry uh I got basically no appetite whatsoever / Molly: What? Last time I made this you were raving about it! You even got... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=07112006 |
| Achewood - July 11, 2008 | [[Lyle is sitting next to Mrs. Smuckles, looking sweaty and uncomfortable. He is tapped on the shoulder. He turns and looks startled, and quickly vacates his seat. Ramses takes the seat. Mrs. Smuckles turns towards him and looks surprised. Ramses puts his hand on that of Mrs. Smuckles, Mrs. Smuckles... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=07112008 |
| Achewood - July 11, 2008 | [[Lyle is sitting next to Mrs. Smuckles, looking sweaty and uncomfortable. He is tapped on the shoulder. He turns and looks startled, and quickly vacates his seat. Ramses takes the seat. Mrs. Smuckles turns towards him and looks surprised. Ramses puts his hand on that of Mrs. Smuckles, Mrs. Smuckles... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=07112008 |
| Achewood - July 12, 2002 | [[A visibly agitated Ray sits before a computer, talking on the phone with Roast Beef, who is presumably still on the moon.]]
/ Ray: Roast Beef! Help! The computer went all in black and white! HELP!
/ Roast Beef (V.O.): Calm down Ray
/ Did you install any new software lately / Ray: Yeah! Yeah! I did! I... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=07122002 |
| Achewood - July 12, 2004 | Phone: Hello, is this Ray Smuckles?
/ Ray: Look, I ain't interested in no Capital One card. / Sheriff: Sir, this is the Achewood City sheriff's department calling again.
/ Sheriff: As I told you earlier, we've received charges that you hired a known sex offender to mutilate his body in front of several... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=07122004 |
| Achewood - July 12, 2004 | Phone: Hello, is this Ray Smuckles?
/ Ray: Look, I ain't interested in no Capital One card. / Sheriff: Sir, this is the Achewood City sheriff's department calling again.
/ Sheriff: As I told you earlier, we've received charges that you hired a known sex offender to mutilate his body in front of several... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=07122004 |
| Achewood - July 12, 2005 | [[A car. Beef is driving, Ray is in the passenger seat.]]
/ Ray: Heh! Check it out, Beef - we're behind one of those dudes who messes with the letters on his Toyota! / [[We see the back of the Toyota pickup in front - the TOYOTA logo simply reads a central "OYO".]] / Ray: "OYO." I see that one a lot.... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=07122005 |
| Achewood - July 12, 2005 | [[A car. Beef is driving, Ray is in the passenger seat.]]
/ Ray: Heh! Check it out, Beef - we're behind one of those dudes who messes with the letters on his Toyota! / [[We see the back of the Toyota pickup in front - the TOYOTA logo simply reads a central "OYO". The license plate is "4YR Y96"]] / Ray:... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=07122005 |
| Achewood - July 12, 2006 | [[Molly picks a tape up off the table]]
/ Molly: Oh my god. Beef spends all afternoon making this mix tape for his guest day at Ray's gym, and then he forgets it on the kitchen table. / [[close up of tape booklet in Molly's hands — all 7 tracks on side A are handwritten "Leonard Cohen - Suzanne"]] / [[close... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=07122006 |
| Achewood - July 12, 2007 | [[Roast Beef is sitting on a love seat, watching a program on TV. Molly approaches him from behind and softly tousles his hair. All we can see is that she's wearing negligee and her hair is in a ponytail]]
/ Molly: Hey babe, want to fool around? / [[Roast Beef's head whirls around to face her and... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=07122007 |
| Achewood - July 13, 2004 | [[Roast Beef is with Teodor at Teodor's computer]]
/ Teodor: Yeah, I set it up so that the second monitor shows exactly what's happening on Ray's computer.
/ Roast Beef: Dang so this is like looking over his shoulder in real-time / Teodor: Weird... he just Googled for a picture of Mt. Everest...
/ Teodor:... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=07132004 |
| Achewood - July 13, 2004 | [[Roast Beef is with Teodor at Teodor's computer]]
/ Teodor: Yeah, I set it up so that the second monitor shows exactly what's happening on Ray's computer.
/ Roast Beef: Dang so this is like looking over his shoulder in real-time / Teodor: Weird... he just Googled for a picture of Mt. Everest...
/ Teodor:... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=07132004 |
| Achewood - July 13, 2004 | [[Roast Beef is with Teodor at Teodor's computer]]
/ Teodor: Yeah, I set it up so that the second monitor shows exactly what's happening on Ray's computer.
/ Roast Beef: Dang so this is like looking over his shoulder in real-time / Teodor: Weird... he just Googled for a picture of Mt. Everest...
/ Teodor:... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=07132004 |
| a class="searchlink" href="http://achewood.com/index.php?date=07132005&fb_source=message">http://achewood.com/index.php?date=07132005&fb_source=message | [untranscribed - please consider transcribing this comic!] |
| Achewood - July 13, 2006 | [[Ray is wearing a leather jacket, talking on the phone, and sipping a martini.]]
/ Ray: Serious as hell, brochicho! Come join my gym! They just gave me a free membership you can have! / Roast Beef: Dang dogg I mean my body is cruddy to the max maybe this is finally the time you know
/ Roast Beef: But... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=07132006 |
| Achewood - July 13, 2007 | [[Philippe approaches Teodor, who is working at his drawing board]]
/ Philippe: Hi Teodor! One custom baseball card of me, please! / [[Teodor sticks his tongue out of his mouth and winks one eye shut while looking at the page he's working on]]
/ Teodor: I can only do those for pay, Philippe. They... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=07132007 |
| Achewood § July 13, 2009 | [[Ray is reading another of Cornelius' erotic Williams-Sonoma fictions. Cornelius, sitting at his typewriter, looks vaguely annoyed]]
/ Ray: Almost there. Have Judi wearin' a kimono when she slides the tempura shrimp off the "Wok-Fitted Four-at-Once Submersible Stainless Steel Tempura Shrimp Skewer Rack." / [[Similar... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=07132009 |
| Achewood - July 14, 2003 | Lyle; Aw crap, man. I just won Oasis.
/ Teodor; What? / Lyle; This freakin' Pepsi contest. I was kinda hopin' for the Kia Sedona.
/ Teodor; Oasis, huh? I used to like them. / Lyle; Yeah, you and everybody else from the third grade. What am I gonna do with these toothless jerks? / Teodor; Maybe just... http://achewood.com/?date=07142003 |
| Achewood - July 14, 2003 | Aw crap, man. I just won Oasis. / What? / This freakin' Pepsi contest. I was kinda hopin' for the Kia Sedona. / Oasis, huh? I used to like them. / Yeah, you and everybody from the third grade. What am I gonna do with these toothless jerks? / Maybe just don't claim the prize... ? / sigh / Yeah...I... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=07142003 |
| Achewood - July 14, 2004 | [[Mr. Bear is reading a newspaper]]
/ Mr. Bear: What is this "MILF" acronym I'm seeing bandied about in the personals these days?
/ Lie Bot: It stands for "May I Leave Flowers?" / Lie Bot: It's like SWM and all that, but it signals that you're a gentleman, you know?
/ You use it in your ad to show that... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=07142004 |
| Achewood - July 14, 2006 | [[(IT'S A...)]]
/ [[FUCK YOU FRIDAY!]]
/ [[Leo Fontanette is looking angry.]] / [[Leo is driving his car.]]
/ Leo: How DARE that fucking kid talk to me that way! Does he know how much VOLUME I do?! DOES HE KNOW HOW MUCH VOLUME I DO? NO! NO! HE DOESN'T! 'CAUSE HE'S AN IDIOT! AGH! PIECE OF SHIT MORON! / Leo:... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=07142006 |
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