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| Achewood - January 13, 2006 | Ray: Naturally, you need to diversify your product line a bit. Create a price-point spectrum.
/ Todd: Yeah! Yeah! 'Course! / Ray: "ChatSacks," as I'm calling them, will come in a dual-ball base model. / Ray: But what about the dude who wants his phone to have three balls?
/ Todd: Huh! / Ray:... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=01132006 |
| Achewood - Dirty-talk montage - January 14, 2002 | [[The frame is halved diagonally. Ray and Téodor speak over phones]]
/ Ray: Hey man. My nephew wants you to come talk dirty at his birthday party. Can you dig it?
/ Téodor: Any requests? / [[Téodor at the birthday party. A crowd of young cats watches.]]
/ Téodor: (says something dirty, censored)
/ Cat:... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=01142002 |
| Achewood - Dirty-talk montage - January 14, 2002 | [[The frame is halved diagonally. Ray and Téodor speak over phones]]
/ Ray: Hey man. My nephew wants you to come talk dirty at his birthday party. Can you dig it?
/ Téodor: Any requests? / [[Téodor at the birthday party. A crowd of young cats watches.]]
/ Téodor: (says something dirty, censored)
/ Cat:... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=01142002 |
| Achewood - January 14, 2003 | [[Roast Beef examines Showbiz's filthy kitchen]]
/ Roast Beef: Oh my god / Look how Showbiz lives is life / Sink full of dirty dishes
/ Six bucks an hour / Gettin' high on his break
/ Blowin' all his wages on a dancer and a landlord / Oh my word what is this / Envelope from Rockford Fosgate, Automative... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=01142003 |
| Achewood - January 14, 2004 | Roast Beef: Here we go
/ [[Sign says Boris J. Petrovsk Chief Security Yahoo]] / [[Computer screen says PLEASE LOG IN USERNAME# boris PASSWORD# yahoo Ready.]] / Roastbeef: Bingo Jesus man you could drive a bus through these security holes All honking and dragging a bunch of rusty bikes / [[Computer... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=01142004 |
| Achewood - January 14, 2004 | [[Roast Beef is perched atop a cubicle wall.]] / [[Roast Beef sneaks into a cubicle.]]
/ Roast Beef: Here we go
/ Sign on cubicle: Boris J. Petrovsk
/ Chief Security Yahoo / Computer screen: PLEASE LOG IN
/ USERNAME# boris
/ PASSWORD# yahoo
/ Ready.
/ #_ / Roastbeef: Bingo
/ Jesus man you could drive a bus... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=01142004 |
| Achewood - January 14, 2005 | [[A wounded Pat sits on the kitchen counter. Nice Pete and Todd stand before him]]
/ Pat: That son of a bitch... he shanked me! Son of a bitch shanked me! Kill him, Pete! Step on him! NOW! / [[Pete kneels and examines the shanked ankle]]
/ Pete: Hm this is nice work Todd
/ Pete: Who'd you study under / Todd:... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=01142005 |
| Achewood - January 14, 2008 | [[A turntable plays, musical notes float above it]] / [[A silhouetted Teodor kneels before a rack of LP's, examining an album cover]]
/ Narrator/Teodor: When I was a kid, I spent a lot of time going through my dad's record collection. I guess most of us did. / [[A geometric representation of Teodor... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=01142008 |
| Achewood - At Ray's crib - January 15, 2002 | [[Téodor arrives at Ray's front door]]
/ Ray: Hey man, my little nephew really dug that you could come talk dirty at his birthday party.
/ Téodor: My pleasure, Ray. / Ray: That thing you said about the Elephant Man really made his day.
/ Téodor: Not too dirty, was it? / [[Ray mixes drinks at a counter]]
/ Ray:... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=01152002 |
| The Pepperidge Farm Man | [[Ray is burping.]]
/ < http://achewood.com/index.php?date=01152004 |
| The Pepperidge Farm Man | [[Ray is burping.]]
/ < http://achewood.com/index.php?date=01152004 |
| Achewood - January 15, 2007 - Nice Pete's call with Hajul the EE | [[Nice Pete is on the phone]]
/ Nice Pete: Uh yes Hajul this is Peter Cropes? / Hajul: Hello Peetah Cropes! Yooo are getting this unit A-okay? This USB vejetable cuttar I am building for you? / Nice Pete: Well I am having some trouble actually I think it is a "hardware driver issue"? Did you forget... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=01152007 |
| Achewood - January 15, 2007 - Nice Pete's call with Hajul the EE | [[Nice Pete is on the phone]]
/ Nice Pete: Uh yes Hajul this is Peter Cropes? / Hajul (voice on phone): Hello Peetah Cropes! Yooo are getting this unit A-okay? This USB vejetable cuttar I am building for you? / Nice Pete: Well I am having some trouble actually I think it is a "hardware driver issue"?... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=01152007 |
| Achewood - January 15, 2007 - Nice Pete's call with Hajul the EE | [[Nice Pete is on the phone, holding a pen.]]
/ Nice Pete: Uh yes Hajul this is Peter Cropes? / Hajul: [[voice over phone]] Hello Peetah Cropes! Yooo are getting this unit A-okay? This USB vejetable cuttar I am building for you? / [[Ray and Teodor are fastened to the wall, overhearing.]]
/ Nice Pete:... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=01152007 |
| Achewood - Ketel One - January 16, 2002 | [[Ray and Téodor at a counter in Ray's house. Téodor is seated while Ray mixes drinks]]
/ Ray: You like Ketel One, right?
/ Téodor: Yeah, that's good...liquor. / [[Ray pours]]
/ Ray: Damn straight it is. I got a weakness for the stuff. You take an olive or a twist?
/ Téodor: Uh...a twist. / [[Ray sets... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=01162002 |
| Achewood - January 16, 2003 | [[On a lonely street corner, late at night]]
/ Roast Beef: SHOWBIZ
/ SHOWBIZ
/ YOU OUT HERE DOGG / [[Roast Beef comes upon Showbiz smoking a cigarette]]
/ Roast Beef: Showbiz man what the hell You ain't got to lie to us / Showbiz: Listen, Roast Beef! Maybe it ain't such a good idea to stage this little... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=01162003 |
| Achewood - January 16, 2004 | Ray: Dang, Roast Beef! You called like forever ago! / Roast Beef: Traffic on the 101 was so FUCKED man it took damn eight hours just to six inches dammit / Ray: I was just about to get a little bit twisty on Jager and chilly Stellas! Sounds like you oughta join me!
/ Roast Beef: Sheesh tell me about... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=01162004 |
| Achewood - January 16, 2004 | Ray: Dang, Roast Beef! You called like forever ago! / Roast Beef: Traffic on the 101 was so FUCKED man it took damn eight hours just to six inches dammit / Ray: I was just about to get a little bit twisty on Jager and chilly Stellas! Sounds like you oughta join me!
/ Roast Beef: Sheesh tell me... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=01162004 |
| Achewood - January 16, 2004 | [[Ray and Roast Beef are standing together in Ray's home. Ray is holding a Martini glass, and Roast Beef is wearing a baseball-style cap and looking fierce]] / Ray: Dang, Roast Beef! You called like forever ago! / Roast Beef: Traffic on the 101 was so FUCKED man it took damn eight hours just to six... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=01162004 |
| Achewood - January 16, 2006 | Ray: Todd! Don't use the phone. This ain't that kind of company. / [[Todd tosees the cell phone to Ray]]
/ Todd: 'sfer you, Ray! Hot p-p-potato! / [[Todd catches the phone.]] / Ray's Mother{{over the phone}}: Raymond Quentin Smuckles! Why do you never call your poor mother?!
/ Ray: Mom? / Ray's... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=01162006 |
| Achewood - January 16, 2006 | Pee pee. http://achewood.com/index.php?date=01162006 |
| Achewood - January 16, 2006 | [[Todd is holding a cellphone to his ear as Ray glares down at him]]
/ Ray: Todd! Don't use the phone. This ain't that kind of company. / [[Todd tosses the cell phone up to Ray]]
/ Todd: 'sfer you, Ray! Hot p-p-potato! / [[Ray catches the phone.]] / Ray's Mother{{over the phone}}: Raymond Quentin... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=01162006 |
| Achewood - January 16, 2007 - Nice Pete gets stabbed in the head | [[Nice Pete is typing furiously]]
/ < http://achewood.com/index.php?date=01162007 |
| Achewood - January 16, 2007 - Nice Pete gets stabbed in the head | [[Nice Pete is typing furiously]]
/ < http://achewood.com/index.php?date=01162007 |
| a class="searchlink" href="http://achewood.com/index.php?date=01162008">http://achewood.com/index.php?date=01162008 | [untranscribed - please consider transcribing this comic!] |
| Achewood - Téodor's dream - January 17, 2002 | [[Téodor is in bed. His sleep is clearly troubled]]
/ Téodor: ZZZZZ / [[Téodor dreams of Ray, wearing a cape with arms folded and back turned, at the edge of a cliff]] / [[Ray suddenly turns around]]
/ Ray: You want an olive, or you want a twist? Olive, or twist? This is Ketel One, boy! You know what... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=01172002 |
| Achewood - January 17, 2003 | [[Vlad's Subway. He is at the counter, offering a Flaming Sub out on a plate to Teodor.]]
/ Vlad: Here you go Tough Guy! One on the house!
/ Teodor: AGH! What the hell, Vlad? / [[Vlad moves in slightly closer.]]
/ Vlad: Is new Flamink Sub! Is for real Tough Guys like yourself!
/ Teodor: What's with this... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=01172003 |
| Achewood - January 17, 2005 | [[The toilet party continues. A martini and a blaring boombox sit on top of the commode. Meat products sizzle on a miniature grill nearby. Ray sits beside the toilet admiring its blue water. Roast Beef enters and speaks; his news startles Teodor.]]
/ Roast Beef: Oh dang man this sucks but some characters... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=01172005 |
| Achewood - January 17, 2005 | [[The toilet party continues. A martini and a blaring boombox sit on top of the commode. Meat products sizzle on a miniature grill nearby. Ray sits beside the toilet admiring its blue water. Roast Beef enters and speaks; his news startles Teodor.]]
/ Roast Beef: Oh dang man this sucks but some characters... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=01172005 |
| Achewood - January 17, 2006 | [[Ray, wearing a shirt and tie, talking on a cell phone]]
/ Ray: Uh...yeah! Of course you can buy one, mom! / Ray's Mother {{through the phone}}: Oh, good. Now, what is it I am buying from you, Raymond. I always write what I bough on the memo line of my checks. It's a good habit. / [[Ray is pacing... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=01172006 |
| Achewood - January 17, 2006 | [[Ray, wearing a shirt and tie, talking on a cell phone.]]
/ Ray: Uh...yeah! Of course you can buy one, mom! / Ray's Mother {{over the phone}}: Oh, good. Now, what is it I am buying from you, Raymond. I always write what I bought on the memo line of my checks. It's a good habit. / [[Ray is pacing around]]
/ Ray:... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=01172006 |
| Achewood - January 17, 2007 | [[Outside the room where Ray and Teodor are captive]]
/ Text box: THAT EVENING.
/ Roast Beef: (In a rage) I TOLD YOU ASSHOLES I WAS MAKING MOUSSAKA TONIGHT AND WHY YOU AREN'T IN THE KITCHEN IS BEYOND EVEN THE PART OF MY IMAGINATION THAT HAS BEEN SITTING AROUND DRINKING OUZO FOR TWO HOURS!
/ Roast Beef:... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=01172007 |
| Achewood - January 17, 2007 | [[Outside the room where Ray and Teodor are captive]]
/ Text box: THAT EVENING.
/ Roast Beef: (In a rage) I TOLD YOU ASSHOLES I WAS MAKING MOUSSAKA TONIGHT AND WHY YOU AREN'T IN THE KITCHEN IS BEYOND EVEN THE PART OF MY IMAGINATION THAT HAS BEEN SITTING AROUND DRINKING OUZO FOR TWO HOURS!
/ Roast Beef:... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=01172007 |
| a class="searchlink" href="http://achewood.com/?date=01172010">http://achewood.com/?date=01172010 | [untranscribed - please consider transcribing this comic!] |
| Cutting Room Floor #1 | {{Six disconnected panels}}
/ [[Philippe is wearing his Walkman, Lie Bot hands him a tape]]
/ Philippe: Who's Sir Cuss-a-lot?
/ Lie Bot: He's a friend of mine. Just tell me what you think, okay? / [[Mr. Bear reads in bed, a skull floats above him]]
/ Skull: Did you do the treadmill today?
/ Mr. Bear: Half... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=01182002 |
| Ray's Toilet Party | [[On their way back to the toilet party after answering the door]]
/ Ray: Alright, all the doors are locked. Let's get back to work.
/ Roast Beef: Decent. / [[Back in the bathroom with Ray, Roast Beef, and Téodor. Music is playing. Ray hears the doorbell over the noise]]
/ Ray: Dammit! There's the doorbell!
/ Roast... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=01182005 |
| Achewood - January 18, 2006 | [[Ray's mom stands at the top of a stairway, apparently just arriving]] / Ray: Mom! / Ray's mom: Raymond Quentin Smuckles! Stand up straight! Who taught you to stand so crooked? It breaks my heart to see you stand so crooked. / [[Ray puts his arm around his mother and starts to lead her]] / Ray:... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=01182006 |
| Achewood - January 18, 2006 | [[Ray's mom stands at the top of a stairway, apparently just arriving]] / Ray: Mom! / Ray's mom: Raymond Quentin Smuckles! Stand up straight! Who taught you to stand so crooked? It breaks my heart that you stand so crooked. / [[Ray puts his arm around his mother and starts to lead her]] / Ray: Sorry... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=01182006 |
| Achewood - January 18, 2007 | [[Ray, Teodor and Roast Beef stand around the prone body of the thoroughly ass-and-brain-stabbed Nice Pete.]]
/ Roast Beef: Oh yeah like you gonna kill him off Ray
/ Roast Beef: Like you really gonna go all pro ice all of a sudden / Ray: The hell, Beef! You saw what he was gonna do to us! / Roast Beef:... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=01182007 |
| Achewood - January 18, 2008 | [[In a faded rustic typeface, printed in good warm colors on a canvas surface by men]] Microsoft Spatchcock Chicken Supper April 6, 1953 / Téodor [[sporting muttonchops and a green outfit that, at first glance, in conjunction with the muttonchops, lends the appearance of a military man, but upon closer... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=01182008 |
| a class="searchlink" href="http://achewood.com/?date=01192004">http://achewood.com/?date=01192004 | [untranscribed - please consider transcribing this comic!] |
| Achewood - January 20, 2004 | Great moments in cinema - "A Few Good Men"
/ Presented by Roomba! The robotic floor vac. / Teodor: "You want answers?!"
/ Roast Beef: "I want the truth"
/ < http://achewood.com/index.php?date=01202004 |
| Roomba Cinema | Title card: GREAT MOMENTS IN CINEMA
/ PRESENTS
/ "A FEW GOOD MEN"
/ BROUGHT TO YOU BY
/ ROOMBA! THE ROBOTIC FLOOR VAC / [[Téodor and Roast Beef are on Roombas, Roast Beef in a suit and tie and Téodor in his sweater with his arms crossed.]]
/ Téodor: You want answers?!
/ Roast Beef: I want the truth / < http://achewood.com/index.php?date=01202004 |
| Achewood - January 20, 2005 | Ray: So how's your Subway doin', Vlad? What's new in the custom sandwich game?
/ Vlad: Oh, is pleasant, but I am gettink ready to set it onto ear. / Ray: Comin' up with new sandwich concepts and stuff? Talk to me, doggie! You know, I had this one idea about a way of bakin' the roll so it has a curly... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=01202005 |
| Achewood - January 20, 2006 | [[Roast Beef stands in a doorway.]]
/ Roast Beef: Oh dogg on a hogg we got much crispy Stellas out by the pool Ray
/ That golden action is so crunchy / [[Roast Beef sees Mrs. Smuckles.]]
/ Roast Beef: Oh my goodness Hello Mrs. Smuckles!
/ It is very nice to see you! / Mrs. Smuckles: Roast Beef! Why, look... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=01202006 |
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