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Sheldon Comics comic strip from March / 12 / 2007 [[THE HOUSE]] / SHELDON: Have you heard of the "three bites" diet? / The idea is that your taste buds stop appreciating sweets after three bites. So, rather than chase that diminishing rush, you just STOP after three bites. / / [[THE HOUSE]] / GRAMP: HA! ahahaha / / [[THE HOUSE]] / GRAMP: Ha Ha! / / [[THE HOUSE]] / GRAMP: HA HA HA HA HA / SHELDON: OK... got it. / GRAMP: ...Let me take a break from chuckling to eat this third brownie I've been holding...
http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/070312.html
Sheldon Comics comic strip from March / 13 / 2007 [[nonspecific (white background)]] / GRAMP: I could stand to lose a few pounds... and you and I could use a little quality time together... so let's start going to the gym. / SHELDON: The gym? / / [[nonspecific (white background)]] / GRAMP: The gym! / SHELDON: The gym. / / [[nonspecific (white background)]] / GRAMP: The GYM. / SHELDON: The... gym? / / [[nonspecific (white background)]] / GRAMP: The gym! / SHELDON: The gym... / NARRATOR: The gym: catch the excitement!!
http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/070313.html
Sheldon Comics comic strip from March / 14 / 2007 NARRATOR: A PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT / / [[nonspecific (white background)]] / NARRATOR: Are you 45 or over, and thinking about going to the gym again? / GRAMP: Yes! / / [[nonspecific (white background)]] / shirt: Jazzercise / NARRATOR: And are you a male who last bought workout shorts in 1977? / GRAMP: Yes! / / [[nonspecific (white background)]] / shirt: Jazzercise / NARRATOR: Then be advised: ain't nobody wants to look at your clammy thighs. Buy a new, longer pair of shorts. / GRAMP: Hey! / / [[nonspecific (white background)]] / shirt: Jazzercise / NARRATOR: Remember, "Fashion: it changes!" / GRAMP: HEY! / NARRATOR: Brought to you by the Committee-To-Not-Have-To-Look-At-Your Bidness.
http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/070314.html
Sheldon Comics comic strip from March / 15 / 2007 [[Gym]] / Trainer: That concludes your tour of the gym. You ready to sign up for membership? / GRAMP: Well, I - / / [[Gym]] / Trainer: Before you answer, you should know we're running a 30%-off sale... but only for the next five seconds. / GRAMP: That doesn't sound ri - / / [[Gym]] / Trainer: Also, I'm authorized to reduce your signup fee down to $200... / GRAMP: Two hundred bu - / / [[Gym]] / Trainer: Oop! Five seconds are up. BUT I'm authorized to extend it three more seconds. / GRAMP: You have the skeeviest job EVER.
http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/070315.html
Sheldon Comics comic strip from March / 16 / 2007 [[Gym]] / GRAMP: Um... this gym membership form says I'll be AUTOMATICALLY BILLED to my credit card each month. Can I pay by check, instead? / Trainer: Oh HECK no... / / [[Gym]] / Trainer: We know that you'll probably go to the gym for three months, tops. But you'll TELL yourself you should be going for another three months after that. And then, for the next six months, your guilt for NOT GOING will keep you from ever checking your bill. So, automatic billing means we get paid for TWELVE months, when youve only used THREE. / / [[Gym]] / GRAMP: Dang. / Trainer: Don't let the 28-inch guns fool ya - we ain't dumb.
http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/070316.html
 
Sheldon Comics comic strip from March / 17 / 2007 [[OUTSIDE (Generic: forest, trees, etc.)]] / ARTHUR: Ugh. I'm never gonna make it to Europe at this rate. Maybe I should turn ba- HEY! A "Sooty Shearwater" bird! / / [[OUTSIDE (Generic: forest, trees, etc.)]] / ARTHUR: These guys fly across the Atlantic all the time. / / [[OUTSIDE (Generic: forest, trees, etc.)]] / (SOUND FX): Plunk! / / [[OUTSIDE (Generic: forest, trees, etc.)]] / / [[OUTSIDE (Generic: forest, trees, etc.)]] / ARTHUR: So... got any dvds for the flight, home-slice?
http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/070317.html
Sheldon Comics comic strip from March / 18 / 2007 NARRATOR: The six types of people you meet at the gym: / / [[Gym]] / NARRATOR: The super-grunter / Bodybuilder: The world must know of the weight I bear / / [[Gym]] / Arrow: Legs could power the sun / NARRATOR: The new mom who is committed to dropping that pregnancy weight / / [[Gym]] / Arrow: Keysignal: only wearing flip-flops / Arrow: Hasn't stretched since 2003 / NARRATOR: The guy who's just there to pick up girls / / [[Gym]] / sign: See: "guy who's just there to pick up girls / NARRATOR: The girl wearing makeup at the gym / / [[Gym]] / NARRATOR: The barely-working-out gossips / Woman (generic) 3: ...So I sez to Mabel I sez "Mabel," I sez... / Woman (generic) 4: ...Why is she talking like a 1940s serial? / / [[Gym]] / NARRATOR: The grandfather confused by the EFX machine / GRAMP: Which part do you lift...?
http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/070318.html
Sheldon Comics comic strip from March / 19 / 2007 [[Gym]] / Man (Generic): You gotta keep yer elbows in. Yer not keepin' yer elbows in. / / [[Gym]] / Man (Generic): Then explode through the reps... 'splode! But don't whip yer motions. Yer whipping yer motions. / / [[Gym]] / GRAMP: ...Pardon me for asking, but WHO ARE YOU?!? / / sign: Unsolicited gym advice. / sign: ...Only slightly less annoying than the unsolicited parenting advice you get when your kid yells in a grocery store
http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/070319.html
Sheldon Comics comic strip from March / 20 / 2007 [[Gym]] / NARRATOR: Most gyms have a 20-minute time limit on equipment when people are waiting. / / [[Gym]] / NARRATOR: But everyone quickly figures out that you can hide your timer behind THE IMPENETRABLE WALL OF MYSTERY AND UNKNOWING / (SOUND FX): drrrrape... / / [[Gym]] / NARRATOR: ...Your workout towel* / Woman (Generic): Um, sir? You've been walking on the treadmill for, like, an hour now... / GRAMP: No! ...NO! "Impenetrable wall of mystery and unknowing"! How could we ever know the true time? Oh, woe! Woe is us! / NARRATOR: * Also, "Newsweek" works pretty good.
http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/070320.html
Sheldon Comics comic strip from March / 21 / 2007 [[Gym]] / sign: GYM-WATCHERS FIELD GUIDE: "The Weightlifter" / Arrow: Obligatory ponytail: says "I may be able to lift a Buick, but that in no way has helped in my fashion sense." / Arrow: Spaghetti tank top: covers 6% of torso. ...Somehow is nastier than going shirtless. / Arrow: M.C. Hammer pants: ... for no discernable reason / Arrow: Flavor saver: Not intentional. Overbuilt muscles are not able to reach this spot when shaving. / Arrow: Weight-lifting gloves: smell vaguely like Al Roker. / Arrow: Secret "Hello Kitty" socks
http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/070321.html
 
Sheldon Comics comic strip from March / 22 / 2007 [[Gym]] / sign: GYM-WATCHERS FIELD GUIDE: "The Poser" / Arrow: Crisp, white, velvet Adidas tracksuit: never once touched by sweat / Arrow: Thick gold-chain bracelet: really? To work out? / Arrow: iPod: filled up mostly with "Black-Eyed Peas," "Black-Eyed Peas" remixes, and "Black-Eyed Peas"-inspired techno / Arrow: Bluetooth headset: ...even though he left his phone on the bus / Arrow: Tiny little earring: cause nuthin' attracts the ladies like a tiny little earring on a dude / Arrow: Cologne: "White Diamonds for Men" by Elizabeth Taylor
http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/070322.html
Sheldon Comics comic strip from March / 23 / 2007 sign: GYM-WATCHERS FIELD GUIDE: "The New Guy" / / [[Gym]] / sign: Sweat rag: full-sized beach towel / / Arrow: Gut: jiggles both vertically and horizontally. Mesmerizes passersby. / / sign: Workout shoes: also double as "yard-work shoes" and "painting shoes" / / Arrow: Reading material: "Gourmet" magazine. ...Never a good sign. / / Arrow: The exit: something the new guy is constantly eyeballing / / Arrow: Flannel boxers: the classic new-guy mistake. Will generate such irritated, red-hot thighs, you could cook a porterhouse steak on 'em.
http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/070323.html
Sheldon Comics comic strip from March / 24 / 2007 [[Kazakhstan]] / NARRATOR: Kazakhstan is a huge country...the 9th largest in the world. And the high desert plains where they land Soyuz capsules stretch for 100's of miles. / / [[Kazakhstan]] / NARRATOR: Trying to find ANYTHING in this environment is almost impossible. / / [[Kazakhstan]] / NARRATOR: And trying to find a six-inch tall lizard is even worse. It's like looking for a needle in a haystack. / / [[Kazakhstan]] / NARRATOR: ...Luckily, this needle squeeks / FLACO: squee! / ARTHUR: Awesome-sauce.
http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/070324.html
Sheldon Comics comic strip from March / 25 / 2007 [[OUTSIDE (Generic: forest, trees, etc.)]] / NARRATOR: A pug weighs 13 pounds or so / And feels like he was made from dough / / [[OUTSIDE (Generic: forest, trees, etc.)]] / NARRATOR: He has no girth, nor strength at all / He's just a weakling... oh-so-small. / / [[OUTSIDE (Generic: forest, trees, etc.)]] / NARRATOR: But when he starts at tug-o-war / This dude can pull six tons (or more) / / [[OUTSIDE (Generic: forest, trees, etc.)]] / NARRATOR: It makes no sense. It shouldn't be. / This little thing could pull a tree. / / [[OUTSIDE (Generic: forest, trees, etc.)]] / NARRATOR: And then you realize, with a fright... / / [[OUTSIDE (Generic: forest, trees, etc.)]] / NARRATOR: ...Your pug must be a Jedi Knight. / OSO: Use the Force, I must. / Generate 12 thousand pounds of pressure, I can....
http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/070325.html
Sheldon Comics comic strip from March / 26 / 2007 [[In front of the television]] / SHELDON: Watch. Watch this fight scene. Yoda is BEATING the emperor. He's countering every move from the Emperor…and he's winning!! / / [[In front of the television]] / SHELDON: But after ONE FALL, Yoda gives up. He runs off. Says he's too weak. Moves to Dagobah and never tries again. IT MAKES NO SENSE! / DANTE: sigh…Add it to the list. / / [[Classroom]] / Chalk Board: Lame plot hole #523: Why was Luke "hidden" from his dad…under his real name? / Lame plot hole #524: MidiChlorians: Is The Force a religion or a biology class? / Lame plot hole #525: Yoda actually beats the Emperor, but runs off like a stupid ninny…What gives?
http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/070326.html
 
Sheldon Comics comic strip from March / 27 / 2007 [[THE HOUSE]] / SHELDON: Why was Naboo's queen ELECTED? That's so counter-intuitive. / / [[THE HOUSE]] / SHELDON: And why did no one, NO ONE, try to save Anakin's mom for 10 years?? What happened to a jedi's selfless concern for others? / / [[THE HOUSE]] / SHELDON: And Leia! Leia is Luke's twin sister... why is she never treated as Luke's equal in 'The Force'? / / [[THE HOUSE]] / GRAMP: Smile and nod. Pretend you know what he's talking about. / SHELDON: Star Wars should be taken away from Lucas and given to responsible parents. ...Maybe Joss Whedon...
http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/070327.html
Sheldon Comics comic strip from March / 28 / 2007 [[THE HOUSE (Living room)]] / SHELDON: And do you remember that Star Wars scene where Leia is telling Luke about her mother? / GRAMP: No...not in the slightest. / / [[THE HOUSE (Living room)]] / SHELDON: She says, and I quote, my mother "died when I was very young. She was very beautiful. Kind... but sad." IT'S RIDICULOUS! / GRAMP: ...why? / / NARRATOR: Helpful Scene Flashback / Mom: / Dead as a doornail. / ...And apparently "kind but sad"? / Leia: / "Really young" ...but apparently with an AWESOME memory / Luke: / ...Not so much, I guess. / hospital droid: boombaaa
http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/070328.html
Sheldon Comics comic strip from March / 29 / 2007 [[THE HOUSE]] / GRAMP: Sheldon, my boy, I love you to the ends of the Earth. / / [[THE HOUSE]] / GRAMP: But you gotta stop obsessing about this Star Wars stuff. It’s meant to be ENTERTAINMENT. …A momentary lightening of mood in an all-too-weary world. / / [[THE HOUSE]] / GRAMP: And when you nitpick all these USELESS DETAILS, it stops being entertainment, and starts being one more thing to worry about. / Descriptive text box: Genuinely listening / / [[THE HOUSE]] / GRAMP: So WHO CARES if Han shot first or if the Klingon shot fi- / SHELDON: GAH! GAAAAH! / Descriptive text box: Immediately not able to focus
http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/070329.html
Sheldon Comics comic strip from March / 30 / 2007 [[nonspecific (white background)]] / SHELDON: ... Then Gramp said if I wanted something fixed in this world, I had to fix it myself. / / [[nonspecific (white background)]] / SHELDON: So I'm gonna do it! I'm gonna fix all those Star Wars problems that have driven me nuts. / / [[nonspecific (white background)]] / SHELDON: No more glaring plot holes! No more stilted dialogue! No more bad child actors! I'm gonna use my company's billions and BUY Star Wars. / ... and hire a writer who knows how to do sci-fi right!! / / [[nonspecific (black background)]] / SHELDON: Dante... It's time. Get me Joss Whedon on the phone.
http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/070330.html
Sheldon Comics comic strip from March / 31 / 2007 [[Kazakhstan]] / FLACO: Squee squee squee squee squee squ e squee squee sque squee / ARTHUR: Slow down, buddy... slow down. You don't have to tell me all your adventures in one breath. We can talk the whole flight home. / / [[Kazakhstan]] / FLACO: Squee? / ARTHUR: Of COURSE I'm flying you home. Did you think we'd walk? / / [[Kazakhstan]] / ARTHUR: Just hop up on my back, laddy buck! THIS LITTLE BIRD'S GONNA FLY YOU HOME! / / [[Kazakhstan]] / sign: Fin / ARTHUR: ...On the back of a larger bird
http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/070331.html
 
Sheldon Comics comic strip from April / 01 / 2007 [[OUTSIDE (Generic: forest, trees, etc.)]] / NARRATOR: Sheldon takes a meeting with Joss Whedon / Joss Whedon: Are you kidding? I'd love to remake Star Wars! / SHELDON: Great! I can't think of anyone I'd rather see do it. "Firefly" was AMAZING. / / [[OUTSIDE (Generic: forest, trees, etc.)]] / Joss Whedon: The first thing we'd need to do is kill off Han. Everyone loves Han, so that'd be a real tear-jerker. / SHELDON: No... . No, Joss. We're not killing off anybody. / / [[OUTSIDE (Generic: forest, trees, etc.)]] / Joss Whedon: C'mon! It'll be awesome! Everybody loves it when beloved characters get killed. / SHELDON: No! No one likes that! It drives people nuts! / / [[OUTSIDE (Generic: forest, trees, etc.)]] / Joss Whedon: Oh! So I suppose it's ok to kill off an innovative show, but not ok to kill off innovative characters? Is that it??? / SHELDON: What? Are you even listening to yourself? Just because "Firefly" got cancelled, it doesn't give you license to kill off a bunch of characters. / / [[OUTSIDE (Generic: forest, trees, etc.)]] / Joss Whedon: Ok. Yeah. You're probably right. / / [[OUTSIDE (Generic: forest, trees, etc.)]] / Joss Whedon: ...What if it was just Luke? / SHELDON: Peter Jackson.
http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/070401.html
Sheldon Comics comic strip from April / 02 / 2007 [[nonspecific (white background)]] / NARRATOR: Let's compare, shall we? The coffee cup lid vs. the sippy cup / NARRATOR: Both are designed to avoid spills with people who don't know better ("Caution! The drink you're about to enjoy is extremely hot. ...you doofus, it's coffee.") / NARRATOR: Both have tiny, impossible holes to deal with / NARRATOR: Both invariably dribble down your chin / NARRATOR: Both are designed for people in similar emotional states / / [[nonspecific (white background)]] / Boy (Generic): Ma-ma! I want meeeelk! / GRAMP: Ma-ma! I want double-tall lattee with creeeeeam!
http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/070402.html
Sheldon Comics comic strip from April / 03 / 2007 [[Coffee Shop]] / GRAMP: Things were different when I was a boy / ARTHUR: Oh Lord. Here we go... / GRAMP: You had coffee, and you had the mug to hold it. / / [[Coffee Shop]] / GRAMP: But now you have this throw-away cup that's so thin, you need a cardboard sleeve around it to protect you hand. Which is useless, 'cause hot coffee spurts out of the dang plastic lid, anyway. So they give you a starw to protect your lips, and a cardboard tray to save your hands. Add in the sales receipt, and that's six items for one cup of coffee. / / [[Coffee Shop]] / GRAMP: ... and people wonder why our landfills are full. / ARTHUR: ... I always ask them to "Saran Wrap" the whole thing together. ... seals in the freshness.
http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/070403.html
Sheldon Comics comic strip from April / 04 / 2007 [[nonspecific (white background)]] / NARRATOR: A filmed presentation by: / CROTCHLEY LABS / copy-right 1955 / / [[nonspecific (white background)]] / NARRATOR: Ever wonder where the coffee cup lid came from? Why, it came from the good folks at international business machines! / / [[nonspecific (white background)]] / NARRATOR: In 1952, IBM managers realized it took lazy employees 35 minutes to "wake up" by drinking coffee. But it took mere seconds if they spilled jet-hot, molten coffee on their groin / / [[nonspecific (white background)]] / NARRATOR: So IBM commissioned Crotchley Labs to design a coffee cup lid that could do just that! / Employee: GAAAH! / Boss: Get to work, Johnson! ...Before the commies get to work on you! / / [[nonspecific (white background)]] / NARRATOR: CROTCHLEY LABS: / Building a better tomorrow! / ... TODAY!
http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/070404.html
Sheldon Comics comic strip from April / 05 / 2007 sign: A filmed presentation by: "CROTCHLEY LABS trade-mark" - filmed in Kodak visi-true tecna-scope! / / [[nonspecific (white background)]] / NARRATOR: Once the flimsy coffee cup lid made its way into the American workforce, productivity soared! / Employee: I just invented the automatic transmission! / / [[nonspecific (white background)]] / sign: Don't buy Canadian! / NARRATOR: Yes - Progress! Science! Industry! That's the American way, and that the Crotchley labs way! / / [[Space]] / NARRATOR: ...And it's that same go-go spirit that will get us a permanent moonbase by 1959! / Astronaut 1: Huzzah! Thanks, coffee-cup lid! / / sign: CROTCHLEY LABS... a brighter future through spilled coffee!! - Know a communist? Call Klondike-5-5-1
http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/070405.html
 
Sheldon Comics comic strip from April / 06 / 2007 sign: A film by CROTCHLEY LABS - Makers of lungly cigarettes. They're GOOD for you! / / [[OUTSIDE (Generic: forest, trees, etc.)]] / NARRATOR: Coffee! It's the All-American drink! Grown in Iowa, it's as American as Mom and apple pie! / / [[office]] / sign: NO DAMES IN THE OFFICE / NARRATOR: And at Crotchley labs, we're designing BETTER coffee cup lids that spill your coffee faster! Because spills equal productivity... and "productivity" is just another way to spell "America"* / NARRATOR: * In your heart / / [[OUTSIDE (Generic: forest, trees, etc.)]] / sign: USE BURMA SHAVE! / NARRATOR: Yes... it's the FUTURE! And Crotchley labs is driving you there faster! / / NARRATOR: THE END / NARRATOR: And remember, Adam the A-bomb sez: / A-bomb: ...I can't hurt you when you duck and cover!
http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/070406.html
Sheldon Comics comic strip from April / 07 / 2007 [[THE HOUSE]] / / [[THE HOUSE]] / / [[THE HOUSE]] / / [[THE HOUSE]] / GRAMP: "Coffee cup lids" / ARTHUR: HEY-O!
http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/070407.html
Sheldon Comics comic strip from April / 08 / 2007 [[nonspecific (colored background)]] / SHELDON: Mr. Lucas, I've met with Joss Whedon, Peter Jackson, and ten other directors, and none of them have the right touch for Star Wars. / / [[nonspecific (colored background)]] / SHELDON: So, for better or for worse, I have to admit YOU'RE the best guy to handle Star Wars. Only you could've created that accidental masterpiece. / George Lucas: Thanks. / / [[nonspecific (colored background)]] / SHELDON: But listen... before I go... could you do your famous party trick with the turkey gobbler? / / [[nonspecific (colored background)]] / (SOUND FX): Wuggata wuggata wuggata / SHELDON: Ha! ...Awesome. / / [[nonspecific (colored background)]] / George Lucas: That's how we came up with Admiral Ackbar and Boss Nass, by the way. / / [[nonspecific (colored background)]] / George Lucas: ...Also Jabba. / SHELDON: Um, it's still jiggling...
http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/070408.html
Sheldon Comics comic strip from April / 09 / 2007 [[nonspecific (white background)]] / SHELDON: I'm sorry I got mad at you for all the Star Wars plot-holes and inconsistencies, Mr. Lucas. / / [[nonspecific (white background)]] / SHELDON: I mean... SO WHAT if a whole bunch of stuff from the first trilogy doesn't match up with the second trilogy? ...And so what if it feels like you've forgotten basic, basic stuff from your own movies? I can't let that bug me. / / [[nonspecific (white background)]] / George Lucas: Thanks! ...And may the Force bequeath you. / SHELDON: AAAAARG
http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/070409.html
Sheldon Comics comic strip from April / 10 / 2007 [[nonspecific (white background)]] / George Lucas: Listen, kiddo... I know Star Wars isn't perfect. And I feel bad about that. / / [[nonspecific (white background)]] / George Lucas: But it's a darn good franchise! If it wasn't, then I wouldn't have made billions in film, tv, video games, toys, books, comics, rides, food... / / [[nonspecific (white background)]] / SHELDON: ALL RIGHT... I GET THE POINT. / George Lucas: ...Radial tires, themed 401(k) plans, home pregnancy tests, caramelized onions...
http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/070410.html
 

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