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Sheldon Comics comic strip from December / 12 / 2006 [[THE HOUSE]] / Laptop: Thank you for your box-set dvd orders of "The Andy Griffith Show" and "Murder, She Wrote." / GRAMP: / / [[THE HOUSE]] / Laptop: Customers who made this purchase also enjoyed: - comfortable slacks - soft foods - telling people to "get off my lawn" - attending city council meetings just to complain about skateboarders / / [[THE HOUSE]] / ARTHUR: Man. Amazon's got you pegged. / GRAMP: I went to TWO meetings, tops.
http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/061212.html
Sheldon Comics comic strip from December / 13 / 2006 [[nonspecific (white background)]] / ARTHUR: Dear Santa, / This year, I would like peace on earth, good will toward all. / / [[nonspecific (white background)]] / / [[nonspecific (white background)]] / / [[nonspecific (white background)]] / ARTHUR: ...Now that we've dispensed with the required pleasantries... you get those plasma tv specs I faxed you?
http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/061213.html
Sheldon Comics comic strip from December / 14 / 2006 [[OUTSIDE (Generic: forest, trees, etc.)]] / ARTHUR: Your grandfather just cussed. / SHELDON: No way. He never cusses. / / [[nonspecific (white background)]] / ARTHUR: I ain't lyin'. / He got put on hold by the cable company. After 45 minutes of waiting, he snapped. / / [[THE HOUSE]] / GRAMP: You --- --- --- with --- chocolate-covered --- --- badger --- ----! / / [[OUTSIDE (Generic: forest, trees, etc.)]] / ARTHUR: It was a thing both of beauty and terror. / SHELDON: Can a badger even DO that?
http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/061214.html
Sheldon Comics comic strip from December / 15 / 2006 [[THE HOUSE]] / NARRATOR: You've been on hold for 55 minutes. And suddenly, you need to go to the bathroom. / / [[THE HOUSE]] / NARRATOR: But c'mon... it's been 55 minutes. You're not hanging up NOW. So you do what any reasonable person would do: you speaker-phone it. / / [[THE HOUSE (Bathroom)]] / Phone: Customer service. ...Can I help you? / NARRATOR: Because surely, SURELY they won't pick up right then, right? After 55 minutes of muzak? / GRAMP: YES? YES! I'M HERE! / / [[THE HOUSE]] / ARTHUR: What a proud moment for you as a grandson. / GRAMP: My account number? Um, hold on... SHELDON?
http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/061215.html
Sheldon Comics comic strip from December / 16 / 2006 [[THE HOUSE]] / NARRATOR: Not sure what to give your loved ones this year? Don't have time to do lots of shopping? / / [[nonspecific (white background)]] / NARRATOR: Give the gift that says "I turned a $20 bill into a PLASTIC REPRESENTATION of a $20 bill..." / / [[THE HOUSE]] / NARRATOR: ...The gift card! / GRAMP: Wow! This is WAY more thoughtful than... just... handing... me... cash... / SHELDON: AND this has the added bonus of expiring in a year if I forget to use it. / ARTHUR: I specially wrapped 'em! ...In the envelopes they came with!
http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/061216.html
 
Sheldon Comics comic strip from December / 17 / 2006 [[THE HOUSE]] / GRAMP: Evolution is weird. How did humans, mice, seals and giraffes all end up with two eyes, two ears, a nose and a mouth? ...All laid out roughly the same way? / / [[THE HOUSE]] / GRAMP: Why aren't they all different? With six noses? Or five ears under their chin? / / [[THE HOUSE]] / ARTHUR: Because evolution comes down to HOTNESS. You look hot... you procreate... and your genes win! But if you evolve in some weird way, with ears under your chin... then BAM! You don't look hot... and you don't procreate. ...And you end up like THE FLOUNDER / / [[Sea]] / female fish 1: Girls, you have GOT to check out the freak at the bar. / female fish 3: OhGodohGodohGod... he's coming this way. / Jimmy Flounder: Heeeey ladies.... which one of you lucky chicas gets to share a drink with Jimmy Flounder?
http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/061217.html
Sheldon Comics comic strip from December / 18 / 2006 [[THE HOUSE]] / ARTHUR: Christmas vacation is the best. / / [[THE HOUSE]] / ARTHUR: You wake up late... you have some cereal in bed... / / [[THE HOUSE]] / ARTHUR: You sip cocoa while watching movies... you take another nap on the couch... / / [[THE HOUSE]] / SHELDON: Dude, that's your life EVERY DAY. / ARTHUR: ...And THAT'S the joy of Christmas. You get to see how awesome my life is.
http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/061218.html
Sheldon Comics comic strip from December / 19 / 2006 [[THE HOUSE]] / ARTHUR: What ya workin' on? / SHELDON: I've figured out how to distill the Bing Crosby Christmas album into liquid form. / / [[THE HOUSE]] / SHELDON: It's all the heartwarming fires, cups of warm cider, tree garland, and smiling faces... purified to their liquid essense. / ARTHUR: Ooo! Let's taste it! / / [[THE HOUSE]] / SHELDON: NO, YOU FOOL! You've downed six albums in one throw! No one can handle all that cheer! / ARTHUR: It's like Rudolf... is in my heart... KICKING. Ow.
http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/061219.html
Sheldon Comics comic strip from December / 20 / 2006 [[nonspecific (white background)]] / GRAMP: You've distilled the Bing Crosby Christmas album into a liquid? / SHELDON: Yep! Just one drop, and it's instant Christmas spirit. / (SOUND FX): BLOOP / / [[nonspecific (white background)]] / GRAMP: I... I'm dreaming! Of a white Christmas! / SHELDON: Yep! That's Bing Crosby at work. / / [[nonspecific (white background)]] / / [[nonspecific (white background)]] / GRAMP: I also really really REALLY want a Scotch. / SHELDON: ...also Bing Crosby.
http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/061220.html
Sheldon Comics comic strip from December / 21 / 2006 [[THE HOUSE]] / GRAMP: Dolly Parton? What are you doing here? / SHELDON: She's here to help me get rid of my liquified Christmas cheer. / It's just too strong. / / [[THE HOUSE]] / SHELDON: I realized I couldn't just pour it down the drain, or it would get in the water supply. I needed someone that could handle extreme amounts of sweetness, AND THAT'S DOLLY. / / [[THE HOUSE]] / SHELDON: Sweetness is, like, her greatest asset. / Dolly Parton: Folks usually list that third, sweetheart, but God bless ya.
http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/061221.html
 
Sheldon Comics comic strip from December / 22 / 2006 [[THE HOUSE (front door)]] / (SOUND FX): Ding dong / GRAMP: Look who it is, fellas. It's Mrs Tibbles from next door! With a huge plate of Christmas goodies! / / [[THE HOUSE (front door)]] / GRAMP: And WE totally have YOUR gift right here. Go! GO! / / [[THE HOUSE (front door)]] / GRAMP: Yep! Here it is! A remote to a 1997 Sony trinitron! And... um... a head of lettuce. / / [[THE HOUSE]] / SHELDON: Smooth move on the remote. NOW how do we change the channel? / ARTHUR: Oh... but nothing says "Christmas cheer" like lettuce.
http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/061222.html
Sheldon Comics comic strip from December / 23 / 2006 [[nonspecific (white background)]] / GRAMP: We got a Christmas card from Carla. / ARTHUR: CARLA? Carla who? / / [[nonspecific (white background)]] / GRAMP: It doesn't say. It's just "Carla"... with an El Paso address. / ARTHUR: We don't know a Carla... or anyone in El Paso. / / [[nonspecific (white background)]] / GRAMP: I know. But it's definitely addressed to us. / / [[nonspecific (white background)]] / ARTHUR: Is it possible for a Christmas card to freak you out more than cheer you up? / GRAMP: Carla says she "misses our talks"... so, YES.
http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/061223.html
Sheldon Comics comic strip from December / 24 / 2006 [[THE HOUSE]] / GRAMP: Whatcha guys doing? / ARTHUR: Making a list of sweets to put out for Santa. / / [[THE HOUSE]] / GRAMP: Oooooo! Well, Santa loves those homemade cookies that Mrs. Tibbles made. Let's leave him five or six of those. / ARTHUR: Five or six? / / [[THE HOUSE]] / GRAMP: He also loves mint 'n chip ice cream. / ARTHUR: But ice cream will melt. / / [[THE HOUSE]] / GRAMP: We don't need to leave it out. Santa will know to look in the freezer. / ARTHUR: ...Santa has the coolest skills. / / [[THE HOUSE]] / GRAMP: And he likes those Oreo double-stuffs... maybe with hot chocolate. ...And M&M's, of course. / / [[THE HOUSE]] / ARTHUR: MAN. Santa is a bit of a tubby. / GRAMP: Hey! Santa is in the third-healthiest weight bracket for guys over 65! He's doing what he can!
http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/061224.html
Sheldon Comics comic strip from December / 25 / 2006 [[THE HOUSE]] / GRAMP: Z / NARRATOR: TO RESTFUL NAPS IN SANTA HATS ...MERRY CHRISTMAS, Y'ALL
http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/061225.html
Sheldon Comics comic strip from December / 26 / 2006 [[THE HOUSE]] / ARTHUR: Enjoying your Christmas gift? / SHELDON: So, so much. How did you know I wanted "Battlestar Galactica" action figures? / / [[THE HOUSE]] / SHELDON: They're perfect replicas! Each figure comes with a list of 150 REASONS why that character is conflicted and will never find happiness. / / [[THE HOUSE]] / ARTHUR: PhOOoo! That really IS accurate to the show. / SHELDON: ...Starbuck comes with 300.
http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/061226.html
 
Sheldon Comics comic strip from December / 27 / 2006 [[THE HOUSE]] / SHELDON: Let's play Battlestar Galactica. I'll be the Cylons, and you can be the humans. / ARTHUR: OK! / / [[THE HOUSE]] / ARTHUR: Starbuck! It's me, Apollo! Let's leave our spouses and marry each other. / I can't! I'm having weird delusions of motherhood that are skewing my reality! / / [[THE HOUSE]] / ARTHUR: AND I may secretly be Admiral Adama's daughter, which would make you and I blood relatives! / Plus, Chief has awoken from his coma...but his evil twin is planning to steal his baby! / / [[THE HOUSE]] / SHELDON: C'mon.... The show's plots aren't THAT dramatic. / ARTHUR: It's a soap opera in space. The sooner you admit it, the easier it will be. / Aaah! Space-Dingoes! Stole my baby!
http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/061227.html
Sheldon Comics comic strip from December / 28 / 2006 [[THE HOUSE]] / GRAMP: Wow! It takes a star-nosed mole only 230 milliseconds to identify a piece of food as edible and eat it. / ARTHUR: ! / / [[THE HOUSE]] / GRAMP: Oh... oh no... you're gonna make some joke, aren't you? / ARTHUR: Joke? About what? Your eating habits? Don't be silly. / / [[THE HOUSE]] / ARTHUR: But... on a totally unrelated note, I need to step away for a sec and yell something into a pillow. / / [[THE HOUSE]] / GRAMP: This is almost worse, just so you know. / ARTHUR: Mmf! Mmf-mmf mmf!
http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/061228.html
Sheldon Comics comic strip from December / 29 / 2006 [[THE HOUSE]] / GRAMP: Ok, final question: "What Scottish poet wrote the words to Auld Lang Syne?" / SHELDON: Ooo... aaah... I don't know. / / [[THE HOUSE]] / GRAMP: Guess! / SHELDON: I really don't know. / / [[THE HOUSE]] / GRAMP: Grandson of mine, I shall now impart some knowledge on you that every first-year literature student learns at great pains. Anytime anyone anywhere mentions a "Scottish poet"... / / [[THE HOUSE]] / GRAMP: ...They're only talking about ONE MAN: Robbie Burns. / ARTHUR: Or sometimes... "Johnnie Walker Red."
http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/061229.html
Sheldon Comics comic strip from December / 30 / 2006 [[nonspecific (white background)]] / ARTHUR: Writing out New Years resolutions? Can I read 'em? / FLACO: Squee. / / [[nonspecific (white background)]] / ARTHUR: "Go to space"? What do you mean? Like, SPACE-space? / FLACO: Squee! / / [[nonspecific (white background)]] / ARTHUR: Dude, NASA doesn't send animal astronauts anymore. And aside from NASA, how could you ever get yourself up into space? / FLACO: Squee... / / [[road]] / Sign: Baikonur Cosmodrome OR BUST ...will go halfsies on gas / NARRATOR: To be continued
http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/061230.html
Sheldon Comics comic strip from December / 31 / 2006 [[THE HOUSE]] / ARTHUR: Let's break down the word "resolution" ... what does it really mean? / / [[THE HOUSE]] / ARTHUR: Well, "re" means "again" ... and "solution" means "something you thought you already fixed." / / [[THE HOUSE]] / sign: RUSTIE LOON / ARTHUR: But if we jumble the letters around, we see that resolution also spells "rustie loon" ... meaning "you're older and crazier than last year." / / [[THE HOUSE]] / sign: NUO SOLITERI / ARTHUR: Jumbling letters again, we see that it also spells "nuo soliteri", which in Latin means "Yes, it's a new year, but you're still alone, watching Discovery Channel." / / [[THE HOUSE]] / GRAMP: Lord ... can my resolution be to spend less time listening to you? / ARTHUR: No ... because it also spells "I rool u nest," meaning, "I'm all up in your bidness." / SHELDON: He's literally spent all morning on the john, writing these down.
http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/061231.html
 
Sheldon Comics comic strip from January / 01 / 2007 [[nonspecific (white background)]] / GRAMP: 2007 / / [[nonspecific (white background)]] / GRAMP: 2007! / / [[nonspecific (white background)]] / GRAMP: Two.... thousand... SEVEN. / / [[nonspecific (white background)]] / GRAMP: It's weird. My brain still thinks of the year 2000 as "the future." / ARTHUR: Dude, most of your closet thinks of 1987 as "the future."
http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/070101.html
Sheldon Comics comic strip from January / 02 / 2007 [[nonspecific (white background)]] / GRAMP: When I was a kid, I pictured the year 2000 as some rocket-powered, world of tomorrow. / / [[nonspecific (white background)]] / GRAMP: There would be atomic houses and flying cars and jet packs and robot butlers and... / (SOUND FX): Sigh. / / [[nonspecific (white background)]] / ARTHUR: Who could've imagined the future would be so LAME? / GRAMP: I STILL HAVE TO CUT MY OWN CRUST OFF MY OWN BREAD!
http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/070102.html
Sheldon Comics comic strip from January / 03 / 2007 [[THE POND]] / NARRATOR: The new year is here, time to cast off old fears! / / [[OUTSIDE (Generic: forest, trees, etc.)]] / NARRATOR: Put old habits aside - head for fresh, new frontiers! / / [[OUTSIDE (Generic: forest, trees, etc.)]] / Book: Be A Genuine S.O.B. In 30 Days - Donald Trump / NARRATOR: Take a new lease on life! New hobbies... projects! / / [[OUTSIDE (Generic: forest, trees, etc.)]] / NARRATOR: (...Though you're still writing "2006" on your checks) / GRAMP: SON OF A BISCUIT! I DID IT AGAIN!!
http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/070103.html
Sheldon Comics comic strip from January / 04 / 2007 [[THE HOUSE (SHELDON'S Bedroom)]] / ARTHUR: Really? Star Trek fans aren't called "trekkies" anymore? / SHELDON: Nope... cause "trekkies" sounds goofy and childlike. / / [[THE HOUSE (SHELDON'S Bedroom)]] / SHELDON: We prefer TREKKERS now. "Trekkers" says I AM BOLD! I SEEK ADVENTURE! I TREK FORTH! / / [[THE HOUSE (SHELDON'S Bedroom)]] / ARTHUR: If you only knew how ridiculous that sounds when I can SEE the Borg teddy bear on your bed. / SHELDON: Resistance is futile. ...And snuggly soft. ...right, "Heaven-of-Nine"?
http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/070104.html
Sheldon Comics comic strip from January / 05 / 2007 [[OUTSIDE (Generic: forest, trees, etc.)]] / SHELDON: If Star Trek fans are called "trekkers", and Firefly fans are called "browncoats", what are Battlestar Galactica fans called? / / [[OUTSIDE (Generic: forest, trees, etc.)]] / / [[OUTSIDE (Generic: forest, trees, etc.)]] / ARTHUR: Um..."dateless nerds?" / SHELDON: No, no, no.... their EUPHEMISM. What's their EUPHEMISM??
http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/070105.html
 
Sheldon Comics comic strip from January / 06 / 2007 [[nonspecific (white background)]] / NARRATOR: Meanwhile... / / [[OUTSIDE (Generic: forest, trees, etc.)]] / / [[OUTSIDE (Generic: forest, trees, etc.)]] / / [[OUTSIDE (Generic: forest, trees, etc.)]] / sign: KIEV 20 - KAZAKHSTAN 300 - BAIKONUR 450
http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/070106.html
Sheldon Comics comic strip from January / 07 / 2007 [[THE HOUSE]] / GRAMP: Hello! / Salesperson: Good evening, sir! ...Are you happy with your current mortgage? / / [[THE HOUSE]] / GRAMP: Whoa whoa whoa... IS THIS A SALES CALL? Cause I'm signed up for the "Do not call" list... so you can't call me! / Salesperson: Who's gonna stop me? / / [[THE HOUSE]] / GRAMP: Um... the government? / Salesperson: Oh really? Will you tell them? Do you even know which department to call? Is it the F.D.A.? The F.E.C.? The S.E.C.? / / [[THE HOUSE]] / Salesperson: And what will the government do when you complain? Will a team of beaurocrats spring into action? Or will your complaint be put into a database...? On a computer... in a room... that no one has a key to? / / [[THE HOUSE]] / / [[THE HOUSE]] / GRAMP: You suck, you know that? / Salesperson: Can we talk about mortgages now?
http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/070107.html
Sheldon Comics comic strip from January / 08 / 2007 [[nonspecific (white background)]] / Salesperson: Can I interest you in refinancing your mortgage, sir? / GRAMP: I told you already: I'm on the "Do not call" list. / / [[nonspecific (white background)]] / GRAMP: So the fact that you're calling me either means: A.) your company chooses to ignore federal law, in which case why would I do business with you? OR... / / [[nonspecific (white background)]] / GRAMP: B.) Your database records are out of date, in which case why would I trust you with my financial information? OR... / / [[nonspecific (white background)]] / GRAMP: C.) You're just old-fashioned stone-dumb. / Salesperson: Wow! You're good! You ever thought of going into phone sales?
http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/070108.html
Sheldon Comics comic strip from January / 09 / 2007 [[THE HOUSE (Bedroom)]] / NARRATOR: There comes a time when your gut gets so big... you can no longer bend over to put on shoes. / GRAMP: OOF. / / [[THE HOUSE (Bedroom)]] / NARRATOR: But when a gut gets that big, it gets similarly hard to bring your foot up to YOU. / GRAMP: HERRRGH / / [[THE HOUSE (Bedroom)]] / NARRATOR: It's around this time that slippers start to look like an awesome full-time choice. / ARTHUR: What's all the noise in here? You wrestlin' a moose?
http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/070109.html
Sheldon Comics comic strip from January / 10 / 2007 [[THE HOUSE]] / NARRATOR: The seven stages of the iphone announcement / ARTHUR: 1.) Iphone!?! / / [[THE HOUSE]] / NARRATOR: 2.) / (SOUND FX): IPOP / / [[THE HOUSE]] / NARRATOR: 3.) / ARTHUR: IBUY! / / [[THE HOUSE]] / NARRATOR: 4.) / ARTHUR: I..... ijune??? / / [[THE HOUSE]] / NARRATOR: 5.) / ARTHUR: IPOUT / / [[THE HOUSE]] / NARRATOR: 6.) Iponder / / [[THE HOUSE]] / NARRATOR: 7.) / ARTHUR: ... Igrow ipissed that Apple iannounced six months iearly, effectively shifting iattention off their stock scandal. / NARRATOR: 1.) / SHELDON: IPHONE!?!
http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/070110.html
 

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