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Sheldon Comics comic strip from July / 09 / 2006 [[THE HOUSE (Workshop)]] / GRAMP: Write these measurements down for me. Two feet three inches, by... / / [[THE HOUSE (Workshop)]] / GRAMP: Six inches and... three thirty-seconds of an inch. / / [[THE HOUSE (Workshop)]] / GRAMP: Or, um... five sixty-fourths? / / [[THE HOUSE (Workshop)]] / GRAMP: No, no... it's... yeah... three thirty-seconds. ...I think. / / [[THE HOUSE (Workshop)]] / GRAMP: Tell me again why we don't use metric? / ARTHUR: I'm just gonna make up a number.
http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/060709.html
Sheldon Comics comic strip from July / 10 / 2006 [[THE HOUSE (Kitchen)]] / GRAMP: And you would see the biggest gift would be from me / / [[THE HOUSE (Kitchen)]] / GRAMP: And the card attached would say "Thank you for being a fr- / / [[THE HOUSE (Kitchen)]] / / [[THE HOUSE (Kitchen)]] / GRAMP: That's right. GOLDEN GIRLS. / ARTHUR: ...Such a proud moment for our entire household.
http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/060710.html
Sheldon Comics comic strip from July / 11 / 2006 [[THE HOUSE]] / ARTHUR: Let's try it again. Three rapid breaths! ...Like the wind! / / [[THE HOUSE]] / ARTHUR: Now chug the cola. Chug it! Thirst of the desert! / / [[THE HOUSE]] / GRAMP: Hey, um, my pages are curling. Can you teach him how to belch elsewhere? / ARTHUR: Now focus your chi! FOCUS IT! Strength of the dragon. The dragon!
http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/060711.html
Sheldon Comics comic strip from July / 12 / 2006 [[THE HOUSE]] / GRAMP: Well, if it isn't "The Good, the Bad and the Pug-ly". / / [[THE HOUSE]] / GRAMP: HA! Or "Dances with Woofs"! ...Or "Un-fur-given"! ...Or "A fistful of collars"! / ARTHUR: ...You done? / / [[THE HOUSE]] / / [[THE HOUSE (night)]] / GRAMP: Um... "How the West was weird"? / ARTHUR: Dude, it's two A.M.
http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/060712.html
Sheldon Comics comic strip from July / 13 / 2006 [[THE HOUSE (SHELDON'S Bedroom)]] / GRAMP: Sheldon, this room is a mess! It’s pandemonium in here! / SHELDON: “Pandemonium”? Isn’t that word a bit strong?? John Milton created that word to mean “The City of All Demons,” you know. / / [[THE HOUSE (SHELDON'S Bedroom)]] / GRAMP: Oh… oh really? He DID? You mean, like, “A solemn council forthwith to be held at Pandaemonium, the high capital of Satan and his peers”? / / [[THE HOUSE (SHELDON'S Bedroom)]] / ARTHUR: Ha! You just got LITERATURED. / GRAMP: Bring it.
http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/060713.html
 
Sheldon Comics comic strip from July / 14 / 2006 [[THE HOUSE]] / SHELDON: Behold! ¡EL STAPLERO! / / [[THE HOUSE]] / SHELDON: None can withstand him! ...For he is the fastest stapler in the West! / ARTHUR: The what? / / [[THE HOUSE]] / ARTHUR: Hey! Stoppit! / (SOUND FX): Chunk chunk chunk chunk chunk chunk chunk un / / [[THE HOUSE]] / ARTHUR: Seriously! It's... welll, it's VAGUELY threatening. ...Sort of. / SHELDON: Such is the way of ¡EL STAPLERO!
http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/060714.html
Sheldon Comics comic strip from July / 15 / 2006 [[THE HOUSE]] / ARTHUR: It was an old-fashioned shootout. On one side, a bandit packing two staplers / on the other, a rootin'-tootin' duck, armed only with a lizard. / / [[THE HOUSE]] / SHELDON: Wait. WHAT? / You're armed with a LIZARD? / ARTHUR: Boy can hock a loogie 22 feet. / WE MEASURED.
http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/060715.html
Sheldon Comics comic strip from July / 16 / 2006 [[OUTSIDE (Generic: forest, trees, etc.) (night)]] / NARRATOR: A cowboy, his horse, and the starlit night they share. It's a lonely life. A life of quiet contemplation. / / [[OUTSIDE (Generic: forest, trees, etc.) (night)]] / NARRATOR: They make camp, and settle in for another night under the great western skies / / [[OUTSIDE (Generic: forest, trees, etc.) (night)]] / NARRATOR: And they pass the time like thousands of cowboys before them... with a flask, a tall-tale told, and- / / [[THE HOUSE]] / ARTHUR: YAHTZEE! / BOO-YA GRAND-MA! / OSO: Hrrmf...
http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/060716.html
Sheldon Comics comic strip from July / 17 / 2006 [[THE HOUSE]] / / [[THE HOUSE]] / / [[THE HOUSE]] / / [[THE HOUSE]] / / [[THE HOUSE]] / ARTHUR: ... Such a fine line between a trick rider and a TERRIFIED rider. / FLACO: SQUEEEEEE
http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/060717.html
Sheldon Comics comic strip from July / 18 / 2006 [[nonspecific (white background)]] / ARTHUR: Approach the wild horse with confidence. Thassit... / / [[nonspecific (white background)]] / ARTHUR: Place a firm hand on him. Let him know yer the boss. / / [[nonspecific (white background)]] / ARTHUR: Then, offer him a treat to build trust. / / [[nonspecific (white background)]] / ARTHUR: Thassit. Thassit. Doin' great. Now gently scootch back out of his innards.
http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/060718.html
 
Sheldon Comics comic strip from July / 19 / 2006 [[THE HOUSE]] / ARTHUR: The stars at night, shine deep and bright... / / [[THE HOUSE]] / / [[THE HOUSE]] / / [[THE HOUSE]] / / [[THE HOUSE]] / GRAMP: DEEP IN THE HEEARRT OF TEXAS! / / GRAMP: Sorry, SORRY... was doin' dishes.
http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/060719.html
Sheldon Comics comic strip from July / 20 / 2006 [[THE HOUSE]] / GRAMP: Does this go with this? / ARTHUR: Wow... no / SHELDON: Not at all. / / [[THE HOUSE]] / GRAMP: Not even if I cover it with a sports coat? / ARTHUR: Yikes. / SHELDON: Not THAT sports coat. / / [[THE HOUSE]] / GRAMP: Really? / ARTHUR: Yes. / SHELDON: Yes. / FLACO: Squee. / / [[THE HOUSE]] / ARTHUR: Sheesh. It takes a village to dress one man. / GRAMP: ...How about a bow tie?
http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/060720.html
Sheldon Comics comic strip from July / 21 / 2006 [[Inside (non-specific)]] / Palantir: Heeey... you've reached Saruman. Leave your digits and I'll holla back. / Sauron: Um... HEY. So, it's Sauron. Thought I'd call. Guess you're not there, or you'd pick up... / Saruman: WhatEVS
http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/060721.html
Sheldon Comics comic strip from July / 22 / 2006 [[OUTSIDE (Generic: forest, trees, etc.)]] / ARTHUR: Fire the booster rockets. Shuttle is go for launch! / / [[OUTSIDE (Generic: forest, trees, etc.)]] / ARTHUR: Throttle is up... and prepare for booster separation! / / [[OUTSIDE (Generic: forest, trees, etc.)]] / ARTHUR: And liftoff! We're in space! / / [[OUTSIDE (Generic: forest, trees, etc.)]] / ARTHUR: ...Only to have to spend 99.999% of our science mission inspecting our own dang ship. / (SOUND FX): SIGH.
http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/060722.html
Sheldon Comics comic strip from July / 23 / 2006 [[Pond]] / ARTHUR: Hold the phone... genuine invisibility is possible? / SHELDON: Yep. A team from Imperial College London and Duke University figured it out. / / SHELDON: By using a special patterned material, they bend light around you... like you're not even there. / You're invisible. / / ARTHUR: This... this is like my dreams have come to life! / My most secret-est dreams! / SHELDON: Yeah- it's pretty cool. / / SHELDON: Of course, according to the laws of physics, that means you would be blind, too. / Eyes need light to see, and if it's all bent AROUND YOU... you can't see. / / / ARTHUR: WOW. / ...You know what sucks? / SHELDON: The laws of physics? / ARTHUR: THE LAWS OF PHYSICS.
http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/060723.html
 
Sheldon Comics comic strip from July / 24 / 2006 [[THE HOUSE]] / GRAMP: It's true. Once someone earns $30,000 a year, earning MORE money doesn't bring more happiness. / / [[THE HOUSE]] / GRAMP: It brings a brief burst of joy, but you quickly return to your previous state. / It's called "hedonic adaption"... money does NOT equal happiness. / / [[THE HOUSE]] / / [[THE HOUSE]] / ARTHUR: Dear diary - Today I was told a horrible, horrible lie... made up by communists.
http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/060724.html
Sheldon Comics comic strip from July / 25 / 2006 [[THE HOUSE]] / ARTHUR: Live in your dreamworld all you want. The truth is: money solves problems / GRAMP: But you won't be one bit happier. Make $30,000 oder $300,000... if you're a miserable cuss, you'll still be a miserable cuss. / / [[THE HOUSE]] / GRAMP: ...It's just that then, you'll be a miserable cuss in a Porsche Carrera Turbo. / ARTHUR: Yes. Yes. ...This is what I'm saying. / Money solves problems.
http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/060725.html
Sheldon Comics comic strip from July / 26 / 2006 [[THE HOUSE]] / GRAMP: Argh! My keys... where the heck are my keys. My kingdom for a set of keys! / / [[THE HOUSE]] / ARTHUR: They're right here. / GRAMP: Oh. / / [[THE HOUSE]] / / [[OUTSIDE (Generic: forest, trees, etc.)]] / ARTHUR: Um, I believe there's the small matter of your kingdom?
http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/060726.html
Sheldon Comics comic strip from July / 27 / 2006 [[nonspecific (white background)]] / NARRATOR: Somewhere between the recommended amount of flossing we SHOULD do per day... / GRAMP: After each meal. / / [[nonspecific (white background)]] / NARRATOR: ... And the number of times we ACTUALLY floss... / GRAMP: Um, once. ...Per week. / / [[Dentist's office]] / NARRATOR: ... Is the number we tell our dentist / GRAMP: 48,000 times a day. More. Less. What? Pie-r-squared. Portugal. Stop looking at me.
http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/060727.html
Sheldon Comics comic strip from July / 28 / 2006 [[OUTSIDE (Generic: forest, trees, etc.)]] / ARTHUR: You ever have that problem when you're talking... when your mouth can't keep up with your thoughts? / / [[OUTSIDE (Generic: forest, trees, etc.)]] / / [[OUTSIDE (Generic: forest, trees, etc.)]] / / [[OUTSIDE (Generic: forest, trees, etc.)]] / / [[OUTSIDE (Generic: forest, trees, etc.)]]
http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/060728.html
 
Sheldon Comics comic strip from July / 29 / 2006 [[Lame Characters and Sidekicks Convention]] / sign: Welcome lame-os! / ARTHUR: What is this convention again? / SHELDON: The “Lame Characters and Sidekicks Convention” / / [[Lame Characters and Sidekicks Convention]] / SHELDON: Look! There’s Shortround from Indiana Jones! / Shortround: Docta Jones! Docta Jones! I almost ruined a movie franchise! / / [[Lame Characters and Sidekicks Convention]] / SHELDON: And the Shapeshifters from Deep Space Nine! / / Shape-shifter: We ate up 3 seasons with boring storylines! / / [[Lame Characters and Sidekicks Convention]] / SHELDON: …And Tom Bombadil from Lord of the Rings! …Waiting for the bathroom! / / Tom Bombadil: Hey fiddle diddle! Ol’Tom needs to piddle!
http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/060729.html
Sheldon Comics comic strip from July / 30 / 2006 [[nonspecific (colored background)]] / NARRATOR: The support group for lame sci-fi and fantasy characters / Tom Bombadil: Hey nonny nonny, everyone! My name is Tom Bombadil, and I've been a lame character for 60 years. / Sleestak: Hi Tom. / Dalek: Hi Tom. / Ewok: Hi Tom. / / [[nonspecific (colored background)]] / Tom Bombadil: I... I always wanted to be a cool character. I DID. / / [[nonspecific (colored background)]] / Tom Bombadil: But no matter what I tried, I ended up looking like a complete dipwad. I'M SO LAME. / / [[nonspecific (colored background)]] / Tom Bombadil: Even my Mom won't take my calls... / (SOUND FX): Snif. / Jar-Jar Binks: Meesa feel like meesa gonna cry. / B9 robot: Affirmative.
http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/060730.html
Sheldon Comics comic strip from July / 31 / 2006 [[nonspecific (white background)]] / NARRATOR: Every Monday night, the "Lame Sci-Fi Characters Support Group" met for drinks. / / [[nonspecific (white background)]] / NARRATOR: It was supposed to be a casual evening of cocktails with friends / Power droid: Gonk. / / [[nonspecific (white background)]] / NARRATOR: But someone always took it too far / B9 robot: DANGER! - hic - DANGER WILL ROBBBBINS'N. / Sleestak: For God's sake, man, have some pride.
http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/060731.html
Sheldon Comics comic strip from August / 01 / 2006 [[Lame Characters and Sidekicks Convention]] / sign: Now signing AUTO-graphs / NARRATOR: At the lame sci-fi characters convention / SHELDON: Oh my gosh! Oh my gosh! It’s “KITT” from Knight Rider! / Karr: Actually, I’m “Karr” / / [[Lame Characters and Sidekicks Convention]] / sign: Now signing AUTO-graphs / / [[Lame Characters and Sidekicks Convention]] / sign: Now signing AUTO-graphs / SHELDON: Oh. / Karr: Yeah…
http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/060801.html
Sheldon Comics comic strip from August / 02 / 2006 [[Lame Characters and Sidekicks Convention]] / SHELDON: ...And what sci-fi character are you supposed to be? / Man (Generic): I'm from the Twilight Zone. Specifically, any episode involving space. / / [[Lame Characters and Sidekicks Convention]] / SHELDON: I... see. / Man (Generic): Yep. Check out the things on my shoulders. Space, baby. SPACE. / / [[Lame Characters and Sidekicks Convention]] / SHELDON: MAN. Did sci-fi ever produce lamer costumes than that? / ARTHUR: You mean, aside from the weird, robotic, "Buck Rogers" man-child here?? / Twiki (Robot from "Buck Rogers"): Beedee beedee beep. Hey duck! / FLACO: Squee!
http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/060802.html
 
Sheldon Comics comic strip from August / 03 / 2006 [[Lame Sci-Fi Characters Convention]] / NARRATOR: The "lame sci-fi characters convention" was going well... / / [[Lame Sci-Fi Characters Convention]] / NARRATOR: Ewoks, sleestaks, the original cylons... they were all there. / Ewok: Jub jub / / [[Lame Sci-Fi Characters Convention]] / NARRATOR: But one character was missing. One... extraordinarily... lame... character. / SHELDON: Hm... / / [[Lame Sci-Fi Characters Convention]] / Anakin Skywalker: Hey! HEY! I shouldn't be here! / SHELDON: In you go, Anakin.
http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/060803.html
Sheldon Comics comic strip from August / 04 / 2006 [[Lame Characters and Sidekicks Convention]] / NARRATOR: Jedis, they say, keep emotions subdued. They don't laugh, they don't cry, they don't show any mood. / / [[Lame Characters and Sidekicks Convention]] / NARRATOR: So no one expected, when awards were announced, that Anakin's feelings would suddenly pounce! / / [[Lame Characters and Sidekicks Convention]] / NARRATOR: But lo and behold he went totally wild, when he won "Best Half-*#$ performance by a sci-fi man-child" / / [[Lame Characters and Sidekicks Convention]] / Anakin Skywalker: This award proves that badly scripted dialogue, when combined with stilted, wooden acting, can make magic! God bless you! God bless you all!! / (SOUND FX): Weep!
http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/060804.html
Sheldon Comics comic strip from August / 05 / 2006 [[Lame Sci-Fi Characters Convention]] / ARTHUR: Looks like the "Lame Sci-Fi characters convention" is closing / SHELDON: Oh, no... they never close. They just rename it, and open up the next day with all the same exhibits. / / [[Lame Sci-Fi Characters Convention]] / sign: "The GREATEST SCI-FI HEROES YOU KNOW AND LOVE" CONVENTION" / NARRATOR: The next day / Nerd 1: My spidey sense are WAY tingling right now...
http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/060805.html
Sheldon Comics comic strip from August / 06 / 2006 [[THE HOUSE]] / GRAMP: And because cities have few trees and miles of black asphalt, they're up to 10° hotter than surrounding countryside. Climatologists call them "heat islands". / ARTHUR: Oh. So... like me. / / [[THE HOUSE]] / GRAMP: Like you? / ARTHUR: A heat island. / / [[THE HOUSE]] / ARTHUR: An island. Of HEAT. / / [[THE HOUSE]] / ARTHUR: ...Of hotness. Sizzlin' hotness. / / [[THE HOUSE]] / ARTHUR: Like Gilligan's Island. But of hotness / / [[THE HOUSE]] / ARTHUR: And let me tell you... LUCKY is the Ginger or Mary Ann who gets shipwrecked on THAT island. / GRAMP: Yes. Great. Whatever.
http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/060806.html
Sheldon Comics comic strip from August / 07 / 2006 [[nonspecific (white background)]] / GRAMP: For years, aeronautical physics could not explain how a bumblebee ACTUALLY FLIES. Science just couldn't figure it out. / / [[nonspecific (white background)]] / GRAMP: Only recently was an explanation discovered. / / [[nonspecific (white background)]] / GRAMP: So now, I invite science to unlock another animal mystery... / / [[nonspecific (white background)]] / Arrow: Pile of hair, as of 2:38 PM. / GRAMP: "How, on God's green earth, does my dog shed twice his body weight in hair... every day?"
http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/060807.html
 

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