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Penny and Aggie Karen to her friends: Then it got cultish. She was telling me how to talk, what movies to watch... / Penny to her friends: Kind of a stalker-in-training, watching my movies, wearing my clothes, talking my talk... / Penny: Don't know what was next / Karen: Lipo, maybe / Penny: Blonde wig / Karen:...
Penny and Aggie [[Karen is looking at Penny expectantly. Penny hasn't yet turned around.]] / [[Penny turns around and they smirk at eachother.]] / [[Penny hands Karen a book.]] / Penny: Happy birthday. / [[It is a Peanuts book: "Happiness is"]] / Penny: You know, just in case you ever feel down. / Karen: I feel fine. / Penny:...
Penny and Aggie Karen: I can smile without an instruction manual. / Penny: Some people need one. / Penny: They get what they want...... Cocktail dress, hot guy, full house.... and forget to enjoy it. / Karen: You'd know. / Penny: Oh yeah. I'm real bad. Don't be like me. / Karen: ......... / Penny: You do know how not...
Penny and Aggie Karen: Tell me more. I want to be sure I get this. / Karen: Did you forget to be happy and just try to be popular? / Karen: Did that make you do anything to feel guilty about? / Karen: Specifics. Details! Spill! Otherwise, we might think you just wanted to look modest.
Penny and Aggie Penny: Bad deeds, huh? You throw one heavy party. / Karen: You're right. Let's make it a game. / Karen: Truth or Dare. ' / Karen (thinking): And if you pick "Dare," we'll know you didn't dare. / Penny: Truth?... Here's... one: ... I kicked you when you were down... / Karen: I wasn't that "down." / Penny:...
 
Penny and Aggie Marshall: Hope so, cause here's another. / Marshall: I met Karen in the gym. No one looks good when they're doing it right. But I saw something in her. / Marshall: She's allways pushing, searching, trying to get more out of life. That inspires me. I hope it inspires everyone. / Penny (thinking): What...
Penny and Aggie Karen: My hero. / Marshall: Well, I meant it. / Samantha: Please tell me we've got something vile in store for Miss America. I could sneak into her locker, cut breast-holes in her blouses... / Marshall: What? / Penny: Samantha... other people have seen Mean Girls, too. And that didn't work in the movie,...
Penny and Aggie [[Penny and friends are leaving the party]] / Sara: You got to her, Penny. I could tell. / Penny: But they couldn't. / Penny: I was hoping for a meltdown, but that's not happening while Metrosexual Man's backin' her up. / Michelle: ...I think- / Penny: At best it was a draw... which favors the challenger....
Penny and Aggie [[Rich and friends exit the party behind Penny and company, convienently in earshot]] / Drunk Jack: I'm sho shorry, man... I luv oo... / Penny: And she's patched some of her old weak spots. / Michelle: She's not bogarting her looks any more. / Sara: Or she's got new "consultants," and when she's done...
Penny and Aggie [[Penny's convoy reaches Sara's car]] / Michelle: My crack about her weight just bounced right off her. / Penny: My bad. I gave you bad info. / Penny: I thought she hated me because I'm thinner... or cooler... but no. / Penny: I did something I don't think she'll ever forgive. I helped her. Watch out...
 
Penny and Aggie You're right, Daddy. / I will try to... get along better with people... / That's all I'm asking. / I know. / Do what's in your heart, honey! / (Save the whales.) / Whisper Whisper / Hey psycho. / Good one!
Penny and Aggie [School Hallway, Aggie fumes as she overhears] / Karen: "Well, I figure if natural selection wanted the animal to Survive, it wouldn't be a stole. / Girl: Brandi! There's no such thing as a chemical imbalance! / [Outside, Aggie still fuming] / White Trash Guy: We're Just gonna have to kill as many of...
Penny and Aggie Duane: And if you need a nasty editoral about Karen... in Dactylic Hexameter... / Penny: You got me covered. / Katy-Ann: He's cute. / Penny: As a button. / Katy-Ann whispers: You guys...? / Penny whispers: No. / Penny: No kissing, No real dates, Nothing. / It's weird, Katy-Ann. I feel like I'd like to...
Penny and Aggie ...mass extinction. / OMG... / Look, we're trying to get together for lunch here? / If you like making speeches so much, run for President. / Fine! / I will! / ........ / That has to be the best comeback in the history of conversation. / Tread lightly.
Penny and Aggie Hey, um... problem. / I'm running for President and everybody hates me. / You haven't exactly built to this course of action, have you? / I still want to try. / I have my own campaign... / You do? / Know what? / I'll tell you how to get liked, you show me how to get noticed. / "Noticed," I can do.
 
Penny and Aggie When you're on the defensive, you got to go with Three A's. / Acknowledge, Apologize, Advance. / A's again? This is a thing with you, isn't it? / Last summer it was haiku. / "I was wrong, I'm sorry. / But the passion I showed there is passion I can put to work for you." / "I was wrong. / "I'm sorry. / "The...
Penny and Aggie Tired of letting other people do all the talking? / This is Aggie D'Amour, commandeering this intercom to announce my candidacy for Class Presidency. / And if our Principal thinks he's mad about it now, wait till he learns about the loophole in the school constitution that allows this. / This campaign...
Penny and Aggie If you want your voice to change your world... / then I seek your input, and your vote. / Watch the walls. / (Speak up.) / Hello! Here to silence me? / Whoa. / Yeah. / We have a class President? / (Speak up.) / (Vote your voice.)
Penny and Aggie ...wanted her to do well, but... / I don't actually want to get beat. / So grab more attention. / She's a screaming peacenik. / You only raise your voice in poetry slams. / Mm. / ...for President. / I'm a resident Editor-in-Chief, / responsible, ensconcible, and in brief, / I want to beef up the publications...
Penny and Aggie Duane: Teabag? / Aggie: Dipped... but not stirred! And so begins our bitter rivalry. / Duane: Uh-oh. Point of disagreement walkin' up at two o' clock... / [[Aggie glances behind her at the approaching Penny]] / Sara: Penny... / [[Penny passes, glaring at Aggie]] / Penny (to Aggie): I will say this,...
 
Penny and Aggie That was subdued. / We have a mudslinging campaign of our own, remember? / Karen? / Sure that's why, Penny? / Duane complicates this. / He's loyal to her... / I'm not giving her an excuse to drive us apart. / Besides I don't need to cut her down now. / Pretty soon she's gonna realize-- / Will you just!... / Kiss...
Penny and Aggie Sara: I try and try to coax you both past this wall. / Sara: She leaves a message... / You pretend it's from a guy... / You date the ox... / She says no big... / Sara: And all the while there's this seething, roiling bond between you that neither one wants to explain... Because you can't admit what everyone...
Penny and Aggie [[No dialogue to this comic. Penny in a nice jacket, purse slung over her shoulder, her hand gripping the strap. Wind ruffles her hair, and blows a leaf past her. Tree in the background is bare of leaves. Can also see nearby school building and a fence. Penny's eyes are wide with shock, a slight...
Penny and Aggie Chelsea in 2046 / Hahaha! Lobotomize the humans! / CEASE LIFE, IN-FER-I-OR A-LI-ENS. HA. HA. HA. / heat death of the universe
Penny and Aggie Aggie: Hey, Dad-- / Nick d’Amour: So you're running for PRESIDENT! Honestly, Aggie, Principal Guilian tells me more about your day than you do. He's re-writting that rule you exploited... / Aggie: He's mad. / Nick d'Amour: Um, d'yeah! / Aggie: Are you? / Nick d'Amour: Standing up to authority for principle,...
 
Penny and Aggie Come on! You want to take those flush kids' toys away from 'em, right? / Naw. / Well, this is actually an election that can be stolen with only a modest investment! / It's the American Dream! / It means becoming the Man. / The Man with power! / Is it your dream, Stan? / Oh, now you've done it...
Penny and Aggie Mr. Teague says he's responsible. Ms. D'Amour promises Response. / I say we can do more than steer this ship. It's time for a renaissance. / Hall fights, broken lights, student's rights. Every issue needs time in the sun. / It's got to get done. And I'm the one. / I'm the man. / Vote. Stan.
Penny and Aggie [[Little girl with flower]] / Eisenhower: These are the stakes: To make a world in which all God's children can live, or got into the darkness. We must love each other, or we must die. / [[picks petals]] / 7...8...9 / [[look of shock]] / <<3...2...1>> / [[nuclear destruction]] / [[Brandi wearing...
Penny and Aggie [[Campaign posters: He's the man. Stan]] / Stan: See, THIS... / Stan: THIS is why I need to ALWAYS give you my UNDIVIDED ATTENTION. / Jack: Yeah, ABOUT that... / Stan: LADIES! / [[Posters: He's the man.]]
Penny and Aggie [[Computer Monitor showing scene from "The Race Card", Aggie evicerating Penny, subtitled "CLICK FOR RINGTONE!"]] / Aggie: WORSE THAN HITLER! / Dwayne: He's out-poeted ME, out-politicized YOU, and out-postered us BOTH. / [[Dwayne talking to Aggie in front of computer monitor]] / Dwayne: He's been in the...
 

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