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| Jesus and Mo » Jesus and Mo Comic | What is that on the bar, Mo?
/ It is our seed / I told you, I don't want to be a surrogate mother.
/ You might change your mind.
/ Just take it. Put it in the fridge.
/ Ok. / I told you she'd come around.
/ Let's hope so. / How was your Guiness, boys?
/ Slightly cloying.
/ Er.. maybe we should go for the... http://jesusandmo.net/category/jesus-and-mo-comic/ |
| Jesus and Mo » niqab | These veils were a great idea, Mo. I feel so liberated.
/ Yeah, I don't know why I didn't think of it before. Why should the girls have all the fun? / Well, they make me feel uncomfortable, guys. They put an unveiled interlocutor at a distinct disadvantage.
/ Ha, ha. It makes a welcome change to have... http://jesusandmo.net/category/niqab/ |
| Jesus and Mo | balc http://jesusandmo.net/thanks.html |
| Jesus and Mo | Barmaid, why are atheists so angry at the religious?
/ I'm not angry. I'm just embarrassed by professed religion. / I feel ashamed that my fellow humans hold such beliefs.
/ God used an angel to dictate the holy koran to me, and when it was finished I rode up to heaven and back on a magic horse. What's... http://jesusandmo.net/page/1 |
| Jesus and Mo | Jesus, I've been thinking about these "Civil partnerships". There's a lot of opposition from religious communities, but I can't really see anything wrong with them. / The argument is that they threaten the institution of marriage. But if it means more people are getting married, then surely that can... http://jesusandmo.net/page/2/ |
| Jesus and Mo | Well.. er.. yes. I'd be honored to be a witness to your civil union. But why exactly are you boys doing this?
/ We want to become parents. / Parents? Ha Ha! So I suppose you'll be looking for a surrogate mother, will you?
/ Yup / / No!
/ Think about it.
/ She'll probably get a holiday named after her.
/ No... http://jesusandmo.net/page/3/ |
| Jesus and Mo | Damn! Here's another scientific study that shows prayer has no effect.
/ Don't they realise God always answers prayers? The answer is either "Yes" "No" or "Wait" /
/ I've been thinking about that. The "wait" is kind of superfluous. There is always a wait involved-be it minutes or years - before you... http://jesusandmo.net/page/4/ |
| Jesus and Mo | Damn! Here's another scientific study that shows prayer has no effect.
/ Don't they realise God always answers prayers?The answer is either "yes", "no" or "wait"? / I have been thinking about that. The "wait" is kind of superfluous. There is always a wait involved - be it minute or years - before you... http://jesusandmo.net/page/6/ |
| Jesus and Mo | You know, apart from the barmaid I hate atheists.
/ Me too. / It's because they must think we're really stupid.
/ And the greater investment we put in our faith, the more stupid they think we are, and so the more we hate them. / It' hard for a christian who gets up early for church every sunday to be... http://jesusandmo.net/page/7/ |
| Jesus and Mo » Archive » park | Jesus: Hey barmaid, did you hear South Park are planning an episode making fun of atheism?
/ Mo: It's about time - they've already made fun of everyone else. / Barmaid: Yes, I heard. Apparently, the atheist community is really upset, and atheist leaders are demanding that the show be cancelled. / Barmaid:... http://jesusandmo.net/2006/10/11/park/#comment-1796 |
| Jesus and Mo » Archive » ideas | It's funny how Muslims talk about "our" prophet all the time - as if they have a claim to ownership of you
/ Christians do it to you, too / That is true. But it doesn't actually make sense
/ We are both historical figures. Just becuase our followers love us, they think they have proprietorial rights over... http://jesusandmo.net/2006/11/27/ideas/#comment-1958 |
| Jesus and Mo » Archive » james | Mo: Come on, Jesus. I want to get this semen sample to the barmaid this evening / Jesus: I don't know, Mo. She wasn't at all keen on the surrogacy idea / Mo: Don't worry. She'll come around / Jesus: It's no good. I can't concentrate / Mo: Think of James Caviezel in "The Passion of the Christ" / Jesus:... http://jesusandmo.net/2006/12/25/james/#comment-2697 |
| Jesus and Mo » Archive » sucks | [[Jesus and Mo approach the exterior of the Cock and Bull bar.]]
/ Jesus: THE CHURCH IS DEMANDING EXEMPTION FROM THE NEW EQUALITY LAW BECAUSE IT WANTS TO CONTINUE TO DISCRIMINATE AGAINST HOMOSEXUALS
/ Mo: THAT SUCKS / [[Interior scene. Jesus and Mo are seated at the bar.]]
/ Jesus: THEY ARE THREATENING... http://jesusandmo.net/2007/01/25/sucks/#comment-7099 |
| Jesus and Mo » Archive » gasp | [[Jesus and Mo are inside a camping tent]]
/ Mo: This was a great idea, Jesus. Out in the open air, at one with God's creation
/ Jesus: Yeah — and more ecological than jetting off somewhere — no carbon footprint to offset
/ < http://jesusandmo.net/2007/06/29/gasp/#comment-114717 |
| Jesus and Mo » Archive » crude | Jesus: Barmaid, your critique of theism is too crude
/ Mo: Yeah, it's easy to attack people who believe in a literal infinite, omniscient, beneficent immortal deity / Jesus: Sophisticated believers are different
/ Mo: People who are mature in their faith know that God is a metaphor / Barmaid: A metaphor... http://jesusandmo.net/2007/07/20/crude/#comment-48825 |
| Jesus and Mo » Archive » islam | [[Jeez and Mo at the bar]]
/ Mo:I am happy to discuss Islam with you, Barmaid - but you must accept that certain things are beyond question
/ Barmaid:Such as? / Mo:There can be no debate about the existence of god, the validity of the koran, or my status as allah's ultimate prophet.
/ Apart from that I... http://jesusandmo.net/2007/12/04/islam/#comment-64933 |
| Jesus and Mo » Archive » porn | Barmaid, do you treat our religious beliefs as a private eccentricity?
/ I wish I could - but as long as people try to influence public policy on account of them, I can't. / Believe me, I long for the day when I can treat all religious people like friends with an eccentric - if somewhat distasteful -... http://jesusandmo.net/2008/12/11/porn/#comment-126097 |
| Jesus and Mo » Archive » body | JESUS:man i hate those things / JESUS:there i am in my loincloth being tortured to death. it's so embarassing
/ MO:at least you get the exposure / MO:it is striclty forbidden to represent me pictorially
/ JESUS:so what are you doing here then? / MO:actually i'm a body double http://jesusandmo.net/?p=18 |
| Jesus and Mo » 2005 | Hey, Mo. Have you ever had a bacon sandwich?
/ Nope. Pig meat is HARAM / I have. Pigs are only forbidden in the Old Law. Bacon sandwiches are fantastic.
/ Better than sex? / Er.. I don't know
/ Oh, yeah. I forgot. You were the oldest virgin in Palestine / Strictly speaking, neither of us is qualified... http://jesusandmo.net/2005/ |
| Jesus and Mo » 2006 | [[Interior of the Cock and Bull bar. Jesus and Mo are seated at the bar.]]
/ Barmaid: WHAT IS THAT ON THE BAR, MO?
/ Mo: IT IS OUR SEED / Barmaid: I TOLD YOU I DON'T WANT TO BE A SURROGATE MOTHER
/ Mo: YOU MIGHT CHANGE YOUR MIND
/ Jesus: JUST TAKE IT. PUT IT IN THE FRIDGE
/ Barmaid: OK / Mo: I TOLD YOU... http://jesusandmo.net/2006 |
| Jesus and Mo » Archive » body | Man, I hate those things. / There I am in my loincloth being tortured to death. It's so embarassing.
/ At least you get the exposure. / It is strictly forbidden to represent me pictorially.
/ So what are you doing here then? / Actually, I'm a body double. http://jesusandmo.net/2005/11/24/body/ |
| Jesus and Mo » Archive » dung | Man, this is bad. Listen to this: I will cast terror into the hearts of those who disbelieve. Therefore strike off their heads and strike off every fingertip of them (8:12)
/ Hmm... / This isn't much better: Behold I will corrupt your sead and spread dung upon your faces (Mal 2:3) / I think I'll read... http://jesusandmo.net/2005/11/25/dung/ |
| Jesus and Mo » Archive » mary | so what's all this I hear about you and Mary Magdelene?
/ Oh, man - don't believe everything you read in The Da Vinci Code / We were just friends. Nothing happened.
/ Yeah right. / What about you and that chick Aisha? You married her when she was just 9 years old! / I swear she didn't look a day under... http://jesusandmo.net/2005/11/28/mary/ |
| Jesus and Mo » Archive » gays | Man, that St Paul really had a problem with the gays.
/ Yeah. Methinks he doth protest too much. / Have you ever had a homosexual experience?
/ Nope.
/ Do you want to ... experiment?
/ Okay. / {{beat panel}} / You first. http://jesusandmo.net/2005/11/30/gays/ |
| Jesus and Mo » Archive » tinks | I read you're just one in a long line of virgin-born saviour gods...
/ Dionysus, Osiris... / {{Jesus fades}}
/ Perseus, Herakles, Mithras...
/ St Paul didn't even regard you as a historical figure / {{Jesus disappears}}
/ Wha..? Hey... Come back. I believe in you. I believe! / {{Jesus reappears}}
/ Please... http://jesusandmo.net/2005/12/03/tinks/ |
| Jesus and Mo » Archive » xmas | It's Christmas!
/ Yay! / Merry Christmas.
/ Happy birthday. / [[Jesus holds WWID t-shirt]]
/ Cute / [[Mo holds PBUM t-shirt]]
/ Did you get a receipt? http://jesusandmo.net/2005/12/07/xmas/ |
| Jesus and Mo » Archive » cave | So you "died" on the cross and got buried in cave... / Yup
/ ... And after 3 days you got up and started walking about the place? / That's the gospel truth
/ So you are technically a zombie? / Actually, I prefer the term "corporeal reanimation"
/ How about "reactivated relic"? http://jesusandmo.net/2005/12/12/cave/ |
| Jesus and Mo » Archive » spose | Hey, it says here I was a real MIRACLE WORKER. Walking on water, raising the dead... / Feeding 5000, water into wine... Did you do any miracles, Mo?
/ Listen... / I was an illiterate travelling salesman turned CARAVAN RAIDER who took dictation from an archangel... / It's a MIRACLE that ANYONE took... http://jesusandmo.net/2005/12/14/spose/ |
| Jesus and Mo » Archive » hole | Jesus: What happens is: people feel a GOD-SHAPED HOLE in their lives and so they find meaning and purpose through me.
/ Mo: No, no... They behold the COMPLEXITY of creation and infer a designer. Then they see in the Koran His revelation to mankind. / Jesus: What do you think, Barmaid?
/ Mo: Yes, tell... http://jesusandmo.net/2005/12/16/hole/ |
| Jesus and Mo » Archive » hook | Mo: Er, JESUS. There's a guy here from CHRISTIAN VOICE wants to talk to you about JERRY SPRINGER: THE OPERA. Says his name is STEPHEN GREEN. / Jesus: (Reading "Angling Times") Oh, NO. Not that WANKER. Tell him to FUCK OFF.
/ Mo: I'll PRETEND to be YOU... / Mo: Hello Stephen, my son. This is Jesus.... http://jesusandmo.net/2005/12/18/hook/ |
| Jesus and Mo » Archive » swine | That Charles Darwin upsets my anthropocentric instincts
/ Yeah, mine too / Man is the centre and purpose of creation. We are more than mere animals.
/ True. Except for the Jews / WHAT?
/ The Jews are to be despised as apes and swine / Jesus http://jesusandmo.net/2005/12/21/swine/ |
| Jesus and Mo » Archive » jews | So let's get this straight. You really thik Jews are some kind of subhuman animal?
/ All unbelievers actually, but especially Jews / The Archangel Gabriel told me personally. I put it in the Koran. It must be true. / Mo, I'm Jewish / I keep forgetting that http://jesusandmo.net/2005/12/23/jews/ |
| Jesus and Mo » Archive » guess | Hey, Mo. Have you ever eaten a bacon sandwich?
/ Nope. Pig meat is haram / I have. Pigs are only forbidden in the old law. Bacon sandwiches are fantastic
/ Better than sex? / Er... I don't know
/ Oh yeah. I forgot. You were the oldest virgin in Palestine / Strictly speaking, neither of us is qualified... http://jesusandmo.net/2005/12/28/guess/ |
| Jesus and Mo » Archive » lobe | Mo, how did you write this book anyway?
/ I used to get these really bad fits. That's when the angel gabriel would visit be and dictate the holy verses / Fits? That's weird. They reckon St Paul suffered from temporal lobe epilepsy
/ That would explain his visions of you / I suppose so
/ Man. Two major... http://jesusandmo.net/2006/01/02/lobe/ |
| Jesus and Mo » Archive » pork | Jesus: Mo, are you sure you don’t want any of this sausage I’m making?
/ Mo: No. I told you. Pigs are haram. I won’t touch it / Jesus: It’s not just pork. I put a load of garlic in there too
/ Mo: Oh, Alright then. Maybe I’ll have just a bit / Jesus: Good. I think I used too much meat. It’s fucking huge / Jesus:... http://jesusandmo.net/2006/01/04/pork/ |
| Jesus and Mo » Archive » pash | Hi, Mo. What DVD did you get?
/ Mel Gibson's "the Passion of the christ"
/ Oh, man. Why did you have to get that one? / Relax. It'll be great. / < http://jesusandmo.net/2006/01/09/pash/ |
| Jesus and Mo » Archive » word | So, barmaid, are you really an atheist?
/ Yes, I am
/ Then you have no morality / Mo is correct. Without God there can be no moral truth
/ Fallible humans need the perfect and unchanging word of god to guide them
/ Without it there is only conflict and division / Really? And where can these fallible humans... http://jesusandmo.net/2006/01/16/word/ |
| Jesus and Mo » Archive » name | oh... Christ Almighty
/ MO, do you have to swear like that? You kow it makes me uncomfortable. / Sorry. I spilt a bowl full of grated cheddar and stilton all over the floor.
/ Well, sweep it up. But try not to take my name in vain, eh? / OK / ...cheeses swept
/ MO! http://jesusandmo.net/2006/01/17/name/ |
| Jesus and Mo » Archive » echo | Mo, Usama Bin Laden on the phone for you
/ Uh oh. I suppose I'd better speak to him
/ It's a bit echoey
/ Yeah, he'll be in his cave / Hey, Usama! How ya doin'?
/ ... I'm in bed
/ ... no, with Jesus
/ ... yeah, Jesus Christ / [[beat panel]] / What did he say?
/ I'm not sure. He gets a bit incoherent when... http://jesusandmo.net/2006/01/20/echo/ |