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Three... two... one... Go. / Guy: Hey!
/ Guy 2: Freeze! / BLAM / Nng! / SLICE!!
/ Auugh! / KRAK!
/ Nggn! / BLAM BLAM
/ ? / [Furies] |
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Alexis: Mrrrrrrr....
/ Gil: Oh my God! No! No! I'm not ready! / Gil: Please! I'll do whatever you want! I can get you anything on the face of the earth! Just go! / Meg: Gil Bates, you sold your soul in exchange for 20 years of unlimited riches and power. Is this correct? Just say yes or no. If you lie, we'll be able to tell anyway. / Gil: Not yet! I'm not ready to go!! I need more time! / Tricia: Say g'nite, Gracie. / BLAM / Meg: You killed him? Unpro-fucking-fessional, Tricia. We're supposed to verify beforehand. Always.
/ Tricia: Oh, please. He even knew who we were! Plus, I hate it when they take the piss with all that bargaining. / Meg: Fine. I just hope *he* never finds out about this. We're leaving, Alexis. Put those down--they have germs.
/ Alexis: Waaah-waaah-waaah! / [Furies] |
|
MEANWHILE...
/ Bird 1: More humans!
/ Bird 2: Up ahead! / K: Hmm. I believe the opposing team is attempting to ambush us as we ready ourselves. Have all "modifications" been tested? / Dave: I think so, but I'm still not sure that tweaking my chair will help. I am "challenged," after all, and you can't tweak me.
/ K: Nonsense, Dav. / K: A challenge is merely an opportunity in disguise. / K: Now transform and roll out!
/ Dave: Easy to say when you have the flaming throne. God. I know he had to have put a "self-destruct" function on this... |
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Shawn: I don't understand how this works. / B: Killroy already told you, Shawn. Press the red knuckle and voila--paintball ballet. / S: No. I mean, I know how to use it. It just makes no sense. This machine shouldn't work under the laws of physics. / B: Killroy's eyes shouldn't be glowing, either. As long as it works, I'm not complaining.
/ Kid 3: Brandon, how do I do this again?
/ B: Jeez, kid! Push button. Throw ball. Run like mofo. / B: This is short bus stuff, you guys. How are we going to win if we can't even work our own equipment? I wonder how things are going for Dave. He was out running scout for us. / MEANWHILE...
/ Guy: I.. am.. gonna.. shoot.. you. Do.. you.. understand.. what.. I.. am.. saying?
/ Dave: For the love of Christ--if you're going to continue talking like that, then yes, please, shoot me. |
|
Guy: Bye, dude.
/ Thoom!
/ Dave: Shields.
/ SPLORT / Guy: The hell? / Guy2: That guy's freakin' flying! This is too weird. I'm outie, man.
/ Bundy: Word. / Dave: Aren't you going to leave, too? Um... Ooo-kay...
/ Well, bye, dude. / [wheelchair paintball] |
| |
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Dude: *huff huff* I think we'll be clear up ahead. / Kid 3: I choose you, Pikachu! *toss* / KRAKOOM! / Kid 3: Balls power! / MEANWHILE...
/ Thoom! Thoom! Thoom! Thoom! Thoom! Thoom! Thoom!
/ Dave: Uh, Shawn? I think you got him. / Shawn: Jeez, man! What happened to you?!
/ Dave: Went for a spin. I couldn't help but notice Killroy froze our paintballs. That must sting a little.
/ Shawn: This guy sure seemed to notice.
/ Dave: Oh yeah. He's lookin' real mellow. / [paintball] |
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Tina: Thanks for coming out with me today, Penny. I really want to take advantage of this time without Killroy.
/ Penny: Is that the guy living at your place? Brandon told me about him. / P: How is my cousin, anyway?
/ T: You know Brandon. Same as he ever was. / T: He's actually helping me today by getting Killroy out of my hair. I wonder what sort of havoc they've gotten into already?
/ P: Oh, come on! Knowing Bran, they're probably just huddled in front of some video game.
/ T: Heh. You're right. I'm probably worrying over nothing... / K: WHERE IS YOUR GOD NOW?
/ Guy: omigodomigodomigod |
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K: Child. Do not prod the captives with that stick.
/ Guy: Gonna stab you in the throat, little punk. / K: Use the taser, as I instructed.
/ Shawn: Hey, Killroy? / Shawn: Looks like we're about done here. I'm gonna go home, alright? / K: Fine.
/ Dave: Wait a minute. There's still one more. What about Gaylord? / Guy: Please! Galylord grew up at the edge of these woods. He knows them like the back of his hand. / Guy: He's a master woodsman. He can point out a bug 30 yards away in thick brush. Nobody can get him. Not even you and your-- / Guy: GYAA!
/ SHAKIRA!
/ Kid 3: Hee hee! / ELSEWHILE...
/ Gaylord: Little help here? Damnit. |
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B: Do you know where you are? You're in the jungle, baby! You gonna die! |
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B: Well, I was finally able to make Gaylord live up to his name. Just you, me, and a couple of guys. Just men--heroes, really. Getting together, to get the job done. / Kid 3: Mom's here! Bye, guys!
/ K: Good-bye, Samantha. / B: Well, she's the last one. Who knew she was a chick? / K: I did. Brandon, it was almost pleasant for an entire day to pass without Tina's incessant bother. If you would like to undertake a similar outing on another day, let me know. / B: Well, I am trying out for a part in the Vagina Monologues next week, if you wanna com with!
/ K: Perhaps I shall. I am told the state of vagina is a rich and historic location to explore. / [Burger Pope, Phallo size me] |
| |
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Killroy in... A Stare to Remember!
/ K: Samantha! Is something amiss?
/ Samantha: Sob! Those big dumb bullies said I couldn't play football with them. And then they mashed dirt in my hair. / K: How unfortunate for you. Perhaps these Finster's Natural Pop-Up Tarts will help! / K: They are packed with flavoring of a kind, and provide 1000% of your daily cellulose gum! / Samantha: Mmm! These are nummy, Killroy! But what about the bullies? / K: Yes, I had almost forgotten... / K: ALMOST!
/ Samantha: Ha ha! Hooray! / A healthy day of friendship starts with Finster's Natural Pop-Up Tarts! |
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Chapter 5 Learning to Fly
/ [Killroy jumping shark] |
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B: You're walking to school? Crap! What did I do now?
/ T: Nothing, hon. Just wanted to enjoy this beautiful morning.
/ B: Oh, okay. Meet you at school. And remember, tonight's our "Reba" night!
/ T: Gotcha! / T: Eleanor Rigby died in the something and something, and something her name... / Seven minutes later... / snap! crackle! pop!
/ FWUMP!
/ T: sigh. |
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Gaylord: Hey, Matthews! Nice granny bra! / Teacher: I'm sorry that you lost your backpack, Tina, but that's no excuse. If you can't come to class with a text, don't bother coming in from now on, understand? / Girl 1: Check it out! Someone thinks she's Jem.
/ Girl 2: God! Where did she get those earrings? Radio Shack? / K: Attention -- Tina Matthews. Your mother has provided me with the feminine hygiene products you require. / K: Please report to your institution's command center, immediately. |
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T: Dammit! When will this fucking rainstorm end? My day hasn't been this shitty since Mom and Dad divorced. / T: I hope my backpack's in this shithole alley! It's been a few weeks, but if I don't find it, I'm out eighty bucks for a goddamn science book! / Thug 1: Don't. Fucking. Move. Or, I swear to God, I will blow your head off.
/ Girl: *sob*
/ Thug 1: Shut up. Rainin' . Nobody can hear you. You understand? / Tina: Get the hell away from her! / [The Poncho Villa] |
| |
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Thug 1: Back off, bitch! / BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! / Holy-- Krrk! Gyah! / Tina: I said... Get away from her! / Girl: Thank God. If you hadn't shown up, I don't kn-- / *wugh* KRAK! / T: Oh. Wait. Oh crap. |
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Tina: A pulse. Good. / T: This is a pretty dangerous alley, when you think about it. They should block it off or build a McDonald's, or something. / T: If I can just prop her up a bit... Classy. / T: Good enough. Now that hte heavy raining has stopped, someone should see her pretty easily. / T: Along with these two. God, I really clocked those losers. Wait a minute... is that? Holy crap! It's still here! / T: Thank God for small favors, I guess. Better head home. Hope Jeopardy is still on. / [Brokken Haus Beer] |
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The distance between earth and basically anything else, is space.
/ This is why it is called "space," rather than "Steve" or "Victor."
/ Or, God forbid, "Finnegan." / To most scientists, an errant meteor is earth's only real otherworldly threat.
/ But that's wrong.
/ Stupid wrong. / Ariek: Status report.
/ Qwerty: I still have found no trace of Lord Killroy, Commander Ariek. / Q: Nobody has seen him since his disappearance eight plongs ago--nor have I intercepted any distress signals sent from our lord. / A: I see. Keep me posted on any new developments. / A: Lord Killroy is still among the living. I can sense it. Strange that he has not attempted to contact me. However... / A: Our Lord has never been one to rest upon his laurels.
/ TV: Reba, you done sat on mah upside-down cake! Least ah sat on it right-side up! |
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B: Hey hon. Killroy's in the kitchen making popcorn or som-- god, you look like shit! Have a bad day?
/ T: Horrible. The worse. I just wanna curl up in a ball and die.
/ B: You're in luck. The healing balm that is TV's Friends is about to start. I think this is the episode where Chandler says witty things.
/ TV: We interrupt this program for a Wakefield Watch Special Report... / TV: Wakefield area citizens report seeing a mysterious and dangerous creature on the streets tonight. Wakefield Watch reports... / TV: A downtown alleyway was the site of carnage this evening...
/ Thug 1: Girl had these glowin' eyes, and was *bleep* strong. And big wings, like a *bleep* demon!
/ TV: ... as two men suffered injuries, reportedly at the hands of a dangerous "Demon-Girl." / Girl: I don't care if she had fangs. I just know she saved me... from something. Thank you, Demon Girl.
/ TV: Others hail the girl as a hero. / TV: Wakefield police have created this composite sketch of the apparent "Demon-Girl." While the police are not willing to conclude anything at this time, they urge all citizens to remain in their homes if at all possible. / B: Dude!
/ T: Demon-Girl?
/ B: YOU have glowing eyes and super strength and fangs and stuff! |
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K: So your day was trying, Tina...?
/ T: You're the last person I want to talk to now. So just shut the hell up. / K: Or should I say... DEMON-GIRL? / T: You saw that, huh? *sigh* God. One of those guys may never walk again. / K: It is difficult to manage such power, is it not? Eventually you will master your abilities. / K: With my help, you could ev-
/ T: Yeah right! Thanks but no thanks. I'd trust Brandon with that before I trusted you. / MEANWHILE!
/ B: So here's the deal. You're outta food, Dad's still in Peru... and I have like, no gas to get more. You know what that means... Who's hungry for baking soda?
/ Mr. Rochester: Kill you! KILL YOU!!!
/ B: What? You want me to put some taco seasoning on it? / [cat] |
| |
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Tina: Wrath or Shade, or wahtever the hell your name is! Get up here! NOW! / W: I'm Wraith. Also, isn't it a bit cold now to be out in pajamas?
/ T: Shut up. I need answers. / W: Certainly. / T: Why am I bonded to Killroy? What do I do to stop it?
/ W: Oh, wait. That sort of question. I'm afraid I can't answer those. Thought you meant, you know, homework and stuch. / T: So what the fuck can you tell me?
/ W: I can tell you this... you would be wise to take Killroy up on his offer to train you. / T: WHAT?! But he's evil! He's manipulative! And I'm pretty sure he wants to kill me!
/ W: He's also the only other being on this planet who knows what it's like to have your powers. NOw, if you'll excuse me, I'm late for a chess game in New Delhi. / T: You deal with other humans?
/ W: Of coruse. At bus stops and subways, in alleyways and caves. Everywhere. You're not the only one who talks to shadows, you know. |
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B: So are you really gonna have Killroy train you, Yoda-style?
/ T: I said I was thinkin gabout it. Nothing's certain. I still trust the guy as far as I can throw him. I just don't want to hurt anyone again. Ever.
/ B: Still worried about all that "Demon-Girl" crap? / T: Kinda sorta.
/ B: This is America, remember? People will get a new crisis to worry about within a week. / B: Whoa.
/ T: Or I'll just become a notorious anti-hero for Wakefield High's anti-establishment community.
/ B: Here, give me the gum you're chewing on... I'm gonna sell it.
/ T: No! / MEANWHILE...
/ Matilda: I'm running to the dry cleaners on the way to work. Give me that suit so I can have it cleaned.
/ K: What the what to who?
/ M: it's okay, you can keep on the yarmulke. I actually admire how dedicated you are to wear it all of the time.
/ K: ...What?! |
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MEANWHILE...
/ ...should've gone as Demon-Girl for Halloween...
/ ...anyone really seen her?
/ ...newslady called her a hero...
/ ...probably a publicity stunt...
/ ...al Qaeda experiment...
/ ...late night talk show...
/ ...has four arms...
/ Everyone has forearms, chode. / MEANWHILE...
/ K: You misunderstand. My uniform is self-cleaning.
/ Matilda: Uh huh. Maybe on planet Killroy, but you've worn that thing for, what, a year? And haven't once had it cleaned? To the bathroom! SCOOT! / MEA- er, later..k.
/ T: Killroy, I'm sorry I scoffed at your offer to train me. I reall do want to control my powers.
/ K: I believed you would come around sooner or later. / T: So, why are you off in that dark corner of the garage?
/ K: Often we must live in darkness to truly know light. Also, I am wearing no attire below my neck.
/ T: GAH! |
