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[[FBI Headquarters]] / Roger: No-body knows... the trouble I've seeeen... No-body knows... but Jeeesus... / Dave: My parents are gonna kill me for this. / Mike: We have WORSE things to worry about... / Dave: You mean going insane after listening to Roger sing that over and over again? / Mike: Besides that. / Mike: I mean, what kind of arrest is this? We're not in a cell, looks more like an empty office. And when I asked for a lawyer, they laughed in my face! / Dave: Are you saying this is ILLEGAL? For God's sake, Mike, we hijacked a plane... / Mike: This is not about the plane anymore! And I think we should split before...(?) / Roger: Oh, no-body knows the trouble I've seeen... / Fletcher: The three of you. OUT. / Mike: Oh, no thanks. We'd rather stay... / Roger: Glory hallelujah! / {{Part of the "Misery Journey" storyline}} |
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[[FBI Headquarters]] / Fletcher: Okay, now start running. I'll join you in a second. / Mike: Oh, so that way if you shoot us, it'll look like we tried to escape. Sorry, I'm not moving. / Fletcher: Whatever, kid. / Background: BOOM! / Mike: People can almost always TALK me into doing things, you know... / Fletcher: My methods are quicker. Now shut up and run! / {{Part of the "Misery Journey" storyline}} |
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[[Road]] / Fletcher: Well, I think we're far enough. Go on your way, and see you never. / Mike: Just like that? Don't you think you owe us some explaining? / Roger: YAY! We're FREE! / Dave: Mike, no nice man with a gun owes us no explainin'! / Fletcher: We have to disappear all UFO evidence that could make people panic. Specially if it's as damn silly as you. We would look ridiculous! But we must fool the media and dorks like Mulder who insists the truth is out there. So the guys we arrested were killed in that explosion. You're offically dead, kids. / Dave: Isn't all this you're telling us supposed to be top-secret? / Fletcher: What?? HAHAHAHA! That's a good one! The conspiracy is detailed in something like, one zillion webpages, but nobody believes them! / Roger: I should know, I have one. And I've only had 1600 crummy hits even with all the X-files stuff... / {{Part of the "Misery Journey" storyline}} |
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[[Road]] / Dave: Well, seems we're right at the beginning again. / Mike: Less an arm, less a convertible. / Roger: At least there's a full moon. / Mike: Aaw, heck. Forget it. Let's go home. / Dave: I suppose we should be glad to be alive... / Roger: You've never done this before, have you? / Car: VRROOOMMM / Dave: This is the WORST trip I've ever been on. / {{Part of the "Misery Journey" storyline}} |
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[[FBI Headquarters]] / Mulder: Just how could terrorists infiltrate the building, set a bomb, and then leave without anybody seeing them? / Fletcher: Amazing, isn't it? They must be well-trained terrorists... / Mulder: Forget it. I'll just resign. Everytime I actually get evidence, someone else screws it all up. / Fletcher: Don't resign, Mulder. The bureau wil compensate you for this... / Mulder: Hey ba-beee! Wanna ride in my new red convertible? / Scully: Middle-age crisis yet AGAIN, Mulder? / {{Part of the "Misery Journey" storyline}} |
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[[Boys' Apartment]] / Dave: At last, after a week of misery, we're finally home! I have NEVER been so weary, dirty and tired in my entire friggin' LIFE! / Mike: Wait! Don't you notice something different about this place? / Dave: How could I? I left in pain, and come back in agony. Roger is lucky he can sleep and walk at the same time. / Roger: ZZZZZ.... / Caption: 03:45 a.m. / Mike: Damn! The bulb is dead! / Dave: Who cares, Mike? I just want to sleep, that's all. / Caption: 06:17 a.m. / {{Part of the "Misery Journey" storyline}} |
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[[Boys' Apartment]] / Dave: *sigh* / Dave: blink / Dave, Margaret: GAAAAH!!! / Mike: Shut up! I'm trying to SLEEP! / {{Part of the "Misery Journey" storyline}} |
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[[Boys' Apartment]] / Margaret: What are you doing in my bed, you PERVERT??? / Mike: Shut UP! SHUT UUUP! / Dave: Uh... I... I don't know... / Margaret: Out Out OUT! And YOU shut up, Mike! / Mike: OOW! Hey! that was the phone guide! / Dave: I'm terribly sory! Don't worry, I'll get out... / Dave: Now JUST wait a second... / Margaret: Shut up! / Mike: You shut up! / {{Part of the "Misery Journey" storyline}} |
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[[FBI Headquarters]] / Dave: Mike, what's going on in there? / Mike: Almost nothing, your girlfriend just broke my skull with the phone guide! / Dave: Mike, she's not my girlfriend! / Mike: Well, someone woke up next to her, and it was not me! / Dave: Mmmh. / Dave: Okay Margaret, stop throwing stuff around! Now if we just... / Margaret: AAAIGH! / Dave: Di..did you know that she sleeps naked? / Mike: Did you know your hair's on fire? / {{Part of the "Misery Journey" storyline}} |
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[[FBI Headquarters]] / Dave: *sigh* / Mike: Considering our misery journey was a living hell, I'd think it took your mind off things. Snap out of it, man. You're starting to get chronic. / Mike: You know, for a love-hate relationship, you've got a lot out of it, just from LUCK. You slept with her, saw her naked... how much luckier do you expect to get? / Dave: How about a little smooch? / Mike: Now, now. You've had one of those, too. / Dave: How about a little love? / Mike: Could be. But you need more than luck to get that. / Roger: WHOA! Guys, I don't know what your plans are for tonight, but COUNT ME OUT, okay? / {{Part of the "Misery Journey" storyline}} |
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[[Girls' Apartment]] / April: So they're finally back? Great! Even better, we don't need to throw a "Welcome back" party... your little strip show was enough, I hope... / Margaret: My God. Why do I ever tell you anything? Now you're gonna tease me for the next three days. / April: C'mon. Gimme some credit. That's material for at least a week... / Marsha: AARGH! a MOUSE! / April: Mouse? Where??? / Marsha: That hole in the wall! / Margaret: Shhh. Try not to scare him away. Back in a sec. / Margaret: Okay, Mickey. I'm gonna blast you into next week. I like Bugs better anyway... / April: Are you nuts? Put that thing down! You're gonna kill the guy next door! / April: First we have to locate the mouse... / Margaret: Right. Then we blast him into next week... / April: Shhh! I can't hear! / Neighbor: Wh...what's that? / Clown: Oh, don't worry about it. It will only hurt one second. / Neighbor: You're CRAZY! / Clown: Everybody says so, honey, so it must be true, I guess... / Neighbor: OH GOD! No! Don't kill me, please don't kill...* / April: NGGGHHH! / Margaret: Aaaw. And I thought you were a tough girl. Did the big bad mean mouse scare you, April? / Marsha: AAARGH! Be careful where you aim that thing! / Glass: CRASH! / {{Part of the "Cut the Clowning" storyline}} |
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[[Girls' Apartment]] / Margaret: Really, April. A murder. Next time share the glue, will ya? / April: How could I possibly LIE about something like this, Margaret? / Margaret: I didn't call you a liar. I think you imagined the whole thing. / Marsha: What about the mouse? / April: Oh, I feel better now. Either our neighbor is a killer, or I'm insane. / Margaret: THAT would reaaaally be the discovery of the century... / Marsha: Hey. HEY! But what - about - the - mouse??? / April: Well I need to know if I'm crazy or what! Back in a sec, I'll go ask the guy next door. / Margaret: Rule #1 for stupid people in horror Movie: Go unarmed into the murderer's hideout and tell him you know everything... / Marsha: I can't look! Tell me if the mouse is by me feet! / {{Part of the "Cut the Clowning" storyline}} |
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[[Apartment Hall]] / Clown: Yeeeeeeeeeesss? / April: Whoa! I mean, I'm your neighbor... My rooommates and I heard some weird noises and thought someone needed help. / Clown: Oh, don't worry about it, honey. That was... um... just the TV. Horror Movie, yeah. / April: Oh. And, may I ask, what's with the clown suit? / Clown: Haven't you heard? It's the latest trend in fashion... / April: Um, yeah, right. Say, my phone broke... Can I use yours? / Clown: Noooooope. / {{Part of the "Cut the Clowning" storyline}} |
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[[Girls' Apartment]] / April: Look, our neighbor is a weirdo psycho serial killer. He tried to make me believe all I heard was the TV, but it was his voice! And guess what, the girl who lives next to him just vanished! / Margaret: Please. People disappear everyday. One day they just decide to join a secret government agency and *poof* / Marsha: April, you're starting to scare me. My nerves are already shot, thank you very much. / April: Wait, the worse is yet to come. He was wearing a CLOWN SUIT! / Margaret: CLOWN??? Did you say "Clown"? / April: Yes, clown... do you believe me? / Margaret: Of course I believe you! Clowns are EVIL! C'mon, we have a lot of stuff to do before sunset! / Marsha: Panic in five...four...three...two...one... / April: I suddenly wish you wouldn't. / {{Part of the "Cut the Clowning" storyline}} |
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[[Girls' Apartment]] / Marsha: Mike, I'm so glad to see you! I was worried about you guys! / Mike: Aaaw, I was worried about me, too! Just kidding. I really missed you... / Mike: What do you say we go to the Movie tonight? / Marsha: I can't. We just discovered our neighbor is an evil killer clown, and... / Marsha: Are you hiding something, Mike? / Mike: Me? No! Why? / Marsha: So you deny everything. But I'm gonna make you confess. I have my methods, you know. / Mike: There's nothing to confess. / Marsha: I'm gonna get you, sooner or later. And you are gonna be SO SORRY... / Mike: Uh, I already am. / {{Part of the "Cut the Clowning" storyline}} |
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[[Girls' Apartment]] / Mike: You're gonna break into the killer clown's apartment for evidence? That's insane! / Marsha: We have to be sure before we call the police. We need your help. / Mike: That's ILLEGAL! I don't need that kind of problem! Sorry, I'm always glad to help, but not this time. / Dave: Mike, can we talk? / Margaret: Oh, I KNEW you'd chicken out... / Dave: It could be dangerous, and they are gonna do it anyway. We should go. / Mike: They're crazy! Gimme a better reason... / Dave: Because Margaret says so, and what she says goes, and if you don't agree, I'm gonna tell Marsha the little ugly secret you keep under your SLEEVE! / Marsha: Are you sure you wanna do this, Mike? You look pale. Maybe you should stay. / Mike: I'm not afraid of killer clowns. The only thing that frightens me is when someone has power over me... / Margaret: You're not afraid? Oh, but when we enter the cave of death and terror, you will be. You will be. / Roger: Cave of death and terror? Can I join? / {{Part of the "Cut the Clowning" storyline}} |
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[[Clown's Apartment]] / Mike: Did you have to be SO FRIENDLY with that guy?? / Marsha: Just to make him open the door. Aaaw, you're jealous? / Mike: 'Course NOT! / Margaret: Cut that out! We have 10 minutes before the clown comes back... / April: Call me picky, but I don't like the wallpaper... / Dave: Yeek! Looks like someone tried desperately to scratch a way outta here! / Marsha: Please tell me this is ketchup. / Margaret: Marsha! Don't touch anything!!! / Marsha: Wait. It IS ketchup. *Whew!* / Mike: This place is plain sick! / Roger: There's a clown with a chainsaw under the bed. / Clown: Surprise, surprise, boys and girls! / April, Marsha, Margaret: AAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!!!! / Mike: HAH-HAHAHAHA! / Roger: They said I was crazy, but I always knew I was right. I always said that my destiny is to be murdered by an evil killer clown... / Dave: Gaaah! Mike, it's the killer clown! What the hell is so funny about it??? / Mike: Sorry, man. I can't help it! Clowns always crack me up! / {{Part of the "Cut the Clowning" storyline}} |
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[[Clown's Apartment]] / Margaret, April, Marsha: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA / Mike: Seems your ray-of-death vision is the only chance we have... burn the clown! / Dave: I can't! I'm too scared! It only works when I'm angry... / Mike: Really? Why didn't you say so before, man? Nothing easier for me than making you angry... / April, Margaret, Clown: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA / Marsha: Oh, I knew you were hiding something, Mike. Boy, are you gonna be SORRY... / Dave: GNNAARF!! I'm gonna get you, tentacle freak! / Mike: Let's see who gets who, you pathetic Cyclops wanna-be! / {{Part of the "Cut the Clowning" storyline}} |
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[[Clown's Apartment]] / Director: CUT! / Director: What, is that supposed to be scary? We're making the next Blair Witch Project here, not the Toxic Avenger! It HAS to look like a low budget movie, and I said specifically NO cheesy special effects! Who's responsible for this? / April: Movie? / Margaret: Who are you, anyway? / Mike: All right, what the HELL is going on here? / Director: SHUT UP! I'm the one asking questions here! / {{Part of the "Cut the Clowning" storyline}} |
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[[Clown's Apartment]] / Director: Why did you tell them we were making a movie? They were not supposed to know! / Clown: I didn't! / Director: Then what's with the latex tentacle? / Clown: How am I supposed to know? / Director: You! Who told you about the movie? / Mike: I didn't know, and I didn't know I was not supposed to know! And now I know, I'm gonna punch someone in the nose! / Director: Then what's with the latex tentacle? / Mike: This is NOT a latex tentacle! / Director: Okay, now my head is gonna explode. / Clown: Getting a desk job keeps making more sense every minute. / Bobby Sprint: I'll tell ya what's going on here... We're making a zillion dollars!!! / Mike: And who the heck is THAT? / {{Part of the "Cut the Clowning" storyline}} |
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[[Clown's Apartment]] / Mike: Who are you? / Director: Bobby Sprint, unincarnated Vegas talent manager. He's producing this movie. / Bobby Sprint: Of course I am! Low budget Movie starring normal, unwilling, ugly and boring people are the rage now! / Bobby Sprint: OOOh-lah-lah! What's your name, sweetheart? / Marsha: I'm Marsha. / Bobby Sprint: Marsha babe, I SEE you have BIG potential! What about the rest of the cast? / Marsha: They're my roommates. / Bobby Sprint: Roommates, uh? / Bobby Sprint: Just a little more blood, a little more kicks, and some hooters... voil! We have a winner! We'll call it "Teenage Mutant Ninja Roommates! / Dave: Excuse me. We're NOT ninjas. / Roger: Excuse me. I am. / {{Part of the "Cut the Clowning" storyline}} |
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[[Boys' Apartment]] / Mike: I've never been so pissed off in my whole life. I don't want to be the star of such a stupid movie! / Roger: Can't we sue them or something? / Mike: We can't. They own our sorry collective butt. / Mike: If we even try to, they'll use the video against us! After all, we broke into the apartment illegally! / Roger: Shoot. / Mike: And because of that stupid movie, Marsha is mad at me. / Roger: Cheer up, man. At least Dave can't blackmail you anymore. / Mike: Whee. / Mike: Nobody does something like that to me and walks fearless on the surface of the earth. Yes, they may think they won... / Mike: Margaret: ...but I SHALL have my REVENGE!!! / Mike: And we will strike down upon them with great vengeance and fuuuurious anger... / Margaret: Sure! Your place or mine? / {{Part of the "Revenge" storyline}} |
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[[Girls' Apartment]] / April: Can you believe it??? Now Margaret is blaming me for everything! And it was HER idea! / Marsha: Well, don't get mad... get even! / April: Oh, sometimes I really wish I could be that way. / Marsha: Why are you mixing Margaret's Slim fast with body building weight gain powder? / April: Wish granted! / {{Part of the "Revenge" storyline}} |
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[[Boys' Apartment]] / Mike: And so, if we combine the Molotov cocktails and... / Margaret: Time out, Mike. I need a break. We've been on this for hours... / Mike: I know exactly what you need. One of my special massages... You'll love it. / Margaret: Mmmmh. Not bad, actually... / Margaret: And the tentacle makes it even better... / Mike: I know. / {{Part of the "Revenge" storyline}} |
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[[Boys' Apartment]] / Roger: You're lucky to be a rock, Fluffy. The world is such an evil, evil place... Whatever happened to good ol' forgive and forget? / Dave: ??? / Roger: What's gonna happen if Dave finds out that Mike's hitting on Margaret just to get his revenge for the whole blackmailing thing? / Dave: I'll tell you what's gonna happen... there's gonna be a BLOODBATH!!! / Roger: And that goes for leaving me in the back seat with that rotten genie... Heh-heh-heh! / {{Part of the "Revenge" storyline}} |
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[[Boys' Apartment]] / Dave: Oh my God! What's happening to me? What am I doing??? / Dave: Much better. / Book: Hong Kong Phone Guide / {{Part of the "Revenge" storyline}} |
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[[Boys' Apartment]] / Mike: Hey! What the hell was that all about? / Dave: Don't paly innocent on me, you stinky girlfriend-snatching traitor! / Mike: First, she's NOT your girlfriend. Second, there's nothing between us. We're just plotting our revenge against the movie staff. / Dave: But...but I thought it was your revenge for the blackmail thing... / Mike: Really?? Heh, well, I actually did it only to torture you... / {{Part of the "Revenge" storyline}} |
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[[Boys' Apartment]] / Mike: I can't believe it! Just when we're ready for our revenge, the movie staff leaves! / Dave: It was just bad luck, Mike. You can't really blame Margaret... / Margaret: Wait a sec! You're blaming me??? / Mike: I NEVER said that! / Dave: Don't underestimate her, Mike. She's not stupid. She knows what you meant... / Mike: I didn't mean it! I mean, he... you... I... oh, crap. / Margaret: I can't believe you're blaming me. You little pathetic loser! Don't waste our words on me! / Mike: You're SO freakin' DEAD, pal... / Dave: Well, at least I'll go smiling! / {{Part of the "Revenge" storyline}} |
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[[Boys' Apartment]] / Marsha: *grumble grumble* / Marsha: Hello, Mike! / Mike: Hello... are you still mad at me? / Marsha: No, not anymore. / Mike: Thank God! I'm so relieved... / Marsha: What, were you afraid I'd try to get even or something? / Mike: Aaaw, of course not! I know you're not that kind of person... / Marsha: Geez!! Mike, you DO know styling gel causes baldness, right? RIGHT? / Mike: AAARRGHH!! / {{Part of the "Styling Gel Nirvana" storyline}} |
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[[Boys' Apartment]] / Dave: What aer you doing? / Mike: Isn't it obvious? I'm panicking and getting rid of my lifetime supply of stying gel! / Dave: Why? / Mike: Because it causes baldness. Didn't you know??? / Dave: Really? I always thought it was hereditary... / Mike: That theory doesn't explain the first bald guy in the world! Oh, and I see you're a cue-ball wannabe too... Follow my advice: stop using that stuff! / Roger: Please. Styling gel is so 80's. Nothing like naturally stiff hair. / {{Part of the "Styling Gel Nirvana" storyline}} |
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