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[[Forest]] / Dave: Yeek! Mike, look at your arm! / Mike: Oh, don't worry about it. Just a pizza dream... / Dave: AGAIN with the pizza dreams? It's REAL! / Mike: It's... not! / Dave: It IS! / Mike: It's NOT! / Roger: I think I'll handle this, Dave. / Roger: Okay, snap out of it, man! This is no dream, and you ain't in Kansas, neither! Your arm mutated into some hideous tentacle! Face it! / Roger: SLAP! SLAP! SLAP! / Roger: *Uggh* Some kind of hideous awfully STRONG tentacle... / Mike: You were right, it's real! And you know what? I'm starting to DIG it... / Dave: Go ahead and murder him. Just don't blame it on a one-armed man... / {{Part of the "Misery Journey" storyline}} |
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[[Forest]] / Roger: Okay, so we drank that toxic water and ate the toxic fish. And then YOU developed a nice tentacle. I wonder what will happen to US? / Mike: Yes, but the fish bit me. And now I feel like a Quake monster reject. / Dave: Damn squirrels! It's the fifth time TODAY! / Dave: If I could catch the little buggers...! ZAP / Roger: Flamb squirrel, anyone? / Mike: Um, listen Dave... would you mind terribly not ever looking at me again? / {{Part of the "Misery Journey" storyline}} |
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[[Forest]] / Mike: I hate life! How come you got the ray-of-death vision and I got a tentacle? It's not fair! / Dave: I hate life, too! Why did we turn into freaks while he remains untouched? / Roger: Yeah, but that's because I aaaaam to sexy to mutate, too sexy to mutate...! / Mike: But Dave, he's already a freak... / Dave: Okay, point in case. But he should mutate to normal, then! / Roger: Hold that thought. I got an eye in my hand. / {{Part of the "Misery Journey" storyline}} |
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[[Forest]] / Roger: Looks BAD, uh? / Mike: My GOD! That's HORRIBLE! / Roger: Yeah, that too. I mean, it doesn't see too well. I think I need glasses on this one, too. / Mike: Dave! Wait! Where are you going?? / Dave: INSANE! Good-bye! / Roger: Maybe a monocle... / {{Part of the "Misery Journey" storyline}} |
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[[Forest]] / Mike: Dave! Are you nuts? Come back! / Dave: No! That was the last straw! Just stay away from me! / Mike: What's the matter with you? Stop running, man! / Dave: NEVER!!! / Roger; Oh mighty rusted old coffee can... / Mike: That was SO DRAMATIC. But next time, Dave, try running with your eyes open... / Dave: Boy, falling down and banging your nose really does wonders with hysterics. / {{Part of the "Misery Journey" storyline}} |
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[[Forest]] / Roger: Well, I needed a rest, anyway. / Dave: What is a stupid coffee can doing here, anyway? / Mike: Hey! It's not empty! Pretty heavy, actually! I wonder what's inside it... / Mike: Gold! / Dave: Gems! / Roger: Coffee! / Roger: Well, it's a coffee can... / Roger: ? / Mike: Whoa...! / Dave: ? / Roger: Lemme guess! You're a genie and you were imprisoned by an evil magician. / Dave: Is this day never gonna END??? / Mike: Whatever! What about our three wishes? / Genie: Actually, it was kinda embarassing. I was scratching the bottom of my coffe can and locked myself in. But since this happened just three weeks ago, i can only grant you ONE WISH... / Roger: I guess we'll have to think about it... / Dave: Think about it? C'mon! This could be our only chance to ever be NORMAL again! We... / Mike: I WANT A CONVERTIBLE!! / Genie: Granted. / Car: VRRRROOOOM!!! / Mike: What? / {{Part of the "Misery Journey" storyline}} |
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[[Road]] / Dave: Really, Mike. I still don't understand how could you do that. You could have asked for your arm back, but instead you asked for a convertable! And you know you will eventually finish college, get a job, save some money and buy it anyway! / Mike: Right, after breaking my back for ten years. And then I'd be a cool guy with a convertible... except people would say it's just a middle-age crisis! / Dave: Oh, i get it. Now you're a cool guy with a convertible and a tentacle... / Mike: I must say I'm one classy freak... / {{Part of the "Misery Journey" storyline}} |
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[[Girls' Apartment]] / Marsha: April, I'm really worried now. The guys have been missing for days! Something must have happened to them! If they don't answer the door, i'm breaking in. / April: We're gonna make total fools of ourselves... fun! I'll go ask Margaret... / April: Marsha and I are gonna commit some minor crimes... wanna join? / Margaret: I couldn't care LESS, April! / April: Bad hair day, uh? Oh, I get it now. You don't want your sweet baboo to have a look at that... / Margaret: Read my shirt, April. / {{Part of the "Misery Journey" storyline}} |
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[[Road]] / Dave: Psst, Mike! Let me drive for a while! / Mike: Sure, why not? In a thousand zillion years, after the sun implodes... / Roger: Psst, Dave! Let's switch places! / Dave: I'm sorry, but I'm in a stew, and naturally, I want everyone around me to join my unhappiness. / Roger: Oh, but I'm gonna get back at those two morons in SUCH a way... when they least expect it... / Genie: ...in the 70's I moved again. A lava lamp! Now THAT is class! And after that, I lived in a shoe. I gotta tell you, that stinks... / {{Part of the "Misery Journey" storyline}} |
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[[Apartment Hall]] / April: I'm telling you, April, we're gonna make total fools of ourselves... / Marsha: Guys? hey guys! / Marsha: Okay, enough fooling around! I know you're there! Come out now and maybe I'll just hurt you a little!!! / Marsha: HEH-HEHEHE! Sowwy, ex-girlfriend stalking flashback... / April: Mental note: MOVE. / {{Part of the "Misery Journey" storyline}} |
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[[Road]] / Dave: Um, Mike, we're going WAY to fast... / Mike: I just want to know how fast this baby can run... / Dave: Couldn't you just look at the speedometer? / Dave: Dammit, Mike! Slow down! / Mike: Aaaw, man, you're no fun! / Dave: Oh sorry, i forgot how FUN it's to die! / Background: BOOM! / Dave: I think we just broke sound barriers... / Mike: What? / {{Part of the "Misery Journey" storyline}} |
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[[Apartment Hall]] / Marsha: So you can't pick the lock? / April: Nope. But that's actually good. If it was that easy, I'd start worrying about OUR lock... wanna try? / Marsha: Me? Hah! Not my style. There are smoother ways to commit crimes. / April: Like what? / Marsha: I'm sorry... i think we lost our keys... i was wondering... / Landlord: Sure! No prob! / April: How could I forget about "the kitten look"? / {{Part of the "Misery Journey" storyline}} |
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[[Road]] / Car: VROOOMMMM / Dave: Well, a cop is following us! I hope you're happy, "King of the Road"! / Mike: Shoot! okay, act normal... or something like that... / Cop: May I see your driver's license, please? / Mike: I'm afraid I'm not carrying it... / Cop: Very interesting. A teenager, obviously not wealthy, owner of a hedious tentacle and a brand-new convertible. No license plate, no seat belt properly adjusted and fastened, no driver's license, and zooming along at sound speed. I think I'm forgetting something... ah, yeah, of course... / Cop: ...aaaand a naked blue guy smoking pot in the backseat. / Genie: I'm made of smoke. Give me a break, will ya? / Mike: POT??? Hey, I have nothing to do with that, okay? He hasn't even shared! / Cop: I can't wait to hear the explanation, son. / Mike: Well, it goes like this. You're lying in a coma in a hospital bed, and we're just an hallucination. / Cop: Yeah, right. Like I haven't heard THAT one a zillion times. / {{Part of the "Misery Journey" storyline}} |
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[[Boys' Apartment]] / Landlord: There ya go, ladies. If you need something else, just give me a shout, okay? / Marsha: Of course! *giggle* / April: Blah... / Door: Creeeeak... / April, Marsha: *sniff sniff* / April, Marsha: Klunk! / Arrow: Incredible stench / Margaret: Damn fools... / {{Part of the "Misery Journey" storyline}} |
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[[Road]] / Mike: Look, we're an hallucination. A tentacle, a blue naked guy made of smoke... But if that's not enough, I can PROVE it, believe me. / Cop: Feh. Can't wait. / Mike: Dave? / Dave: Mike? / Mike: Burn something with your ray-of-death vision. / Dave: I didn't hear the magic word. / Mike: Okay, burn something with your ray-of-death vision, you MORON. / Dave: To hear is to obey, Herr Kommander. / Mike: You realize that if I wasn't a hallucination, Dave would already be dead, right? / Cop: Ugh. But that burnt hair smells too damn real... / {{Part of the "Misery Journey" storyline}} |
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[[Boys' Apartment]] / April: Ugh! Marsha was right! Someone DIED in there! / Margaret: Naaaw. Just the usual stench, but concentrated. / April: And where did you get that gas mask, anyway? / Margaret: You get one free with every box of hand grenades you buy. / April: Mental note: Move out tonight. / Margaret: Heh. Marsha's still out cold. What do you say we paint a little moustache and a goatee on her? / {{Part of the "Misery Journey" storyline}} |
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[[Road]] / Roger: Are we there yet? / Mike: No. / Roger: Are we there yet? / Mike: No! / Roger: Are we there yet? / Mike: You just asked! / Roger: Where is there, anyway? / Mike: Home. / Roger: How far is that? / Mike: Two damn states. Now shut up. / Roger: Geez, Mike. You're too grumpy. / Mike: Perhaps it's that a) my tentacle keeps sticking to every surface, b) Dave burned my hair c) I had to bribe that cop, anyway! / Roger: So, are we there yet? / Mike: Don't PUSH me into MURDER, Roger. / {{Part of the "Misery Journey" storyline}} |
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[[Boys' Apartment]] / Marsha: This place is a mess! / Margaret: For all we know, they could be rotting under that pile of dirty clothes... / April: I suppose taking a look around wouldn't hurt... / April: Wow, these guys seriously need a life... they amuse themselves tossing socks into the ceiling fan! / Margaret: Ridiculous fetish porno mags box at six o'clock! / Marsha: Aaaw! Who uses Winnie the Pooh undies??? / Roger: I'm telling you, Mike... I feel a great disturbance in the force... / Mike: I feel a nuclear wedgie coming your way... / {{Part of the "Misery Journey" storyline}} |
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[[City]] / Dave: Great! Finally, a city! I'm so hungry I could eat a horse! / Mike: A horse? Okay, then we'll look for the next Burger Fink... I think i'll ask that cutie over there... / Mike: Excuse m / Woman: YEARRGH! / Dave: "Long-sleeved" is the key word here, Mike. / Mike: That's actually two words... Damn! She didn't even notice the convertible! / {{Part of the "Misery Journey" storyline}} |
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[[City]] / Mike: Aaah, just like the old days, before those bugs ate my beloved green sweater... But it still needs a big "U" in the front... / Dave: The old days??? That was two weeks ago! Say Roger, where's your blue friend? / Roger: I don't know. He called me a pathetic little snot and then he split. Like he was the big conversationalist. / Dave: But I still don't understand... how could we get so far from home in just ONE night? / Mike: Oooh! Strawberry filling, here I come! / Roger: Hey, look who's on TV! Woof! / Zoe Day: Authorities are still looking for the three young men who used bananas to hijack a small plane. Witnesses say the hijackers, apparently college students, were "really drunk, obnoxious, and geeky". / Zoe Day: These criminals are considered extremely dangerous. Illegal use of fruit is considered a federal offense. / Roger: Wow, that Zoe is really a babe. Are you done with the sugar? / {{Part of the "Misery Journey" storyline}} |
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[[Boys' Apartment]] / Marsha: "Gummi bears in leather underwear???" / Margaret: Wow... what a buncha perverts! / April: Guess what I found? / Margaret: Hey! That's our TV! What a buncha thieves! / April: Not technically... we threw it away, remember? / Marsha: Look! It's THEM! They got drunk and hijacked a plane! / TV: "...drunk, obnoxious and geeky! / Margaret: Hah! I always said they were a buncha pervs, thieves and hijackers! / April: Do you have to include "buncha" in every sentence you make? / Margaret: Of course! It's too darn fun! / Marsha: My God! I'm literally surrounded by freaks! / {{Part of the "Misery Journey" storyline}} |
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[[Diner]] / Dave: W..what was THAT, Mike??? / Mike: The voice of Doom, Dave... the Voice of Doom. / Roger: What's the matter with you guys? Oh, wait a sec! It's a nonsense contest, right??? / Dave: The FBI should be here any moment... we're dead meat in a rat-infested sewer. / Mike: Hell, we needed plastic surgery, anyway. / Roger: Oooh! And it's the "stare vacantly and make cryptic comments" mode! My fave! / Dave: What do you say we kill Roger for being so blissfully ignorant? / Mike: What's to lose? / Roger: Bring back fascism. / {{Part of the "Misery Journey" storyline}} |
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[[Boys' Apartment]] / Marsha: Aargh. Now that I know what happened to the guys, I'm even more worried than before! / Margaret: Why do you worry so much? They weren't that cute anyway... / April: Because of a little feeling called empathy, beut it's hard to explain it to someone without a heart... / Margaret: Well, you came here asuming they were dead! Instead they're alive and happily committing crimes! There! / Marsha: Yes, but they're in trouble! They could go to jail for years! / Margaret: HAH! People do tons of illegal things everyday! Just look at us! If our little friends are at all smat, they will get away with it. / April: Now you got ME worried. / {{Part of the "Misery Journey" storyline}} |
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[[Diner]] / Dave: I... I think I'm about to scream... / Mike: The HELL you will! Absolutely no panicking here! We can't draw ANY kind of attention to ourselves! / Roger: You can't address directly other contestants, Mike. You just lost 10 points! / Waitress: Here's your check / Mike: AAAAH! / Waitress: YEAARGH!! / Dave: WAY to go, Mike. / Roger: Yeah, way to go! Screaming at random intervals got you 120 points! / Mike: My God... / {{Part of the "Misery Journey" storyline}} |
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[[City]] / Mike: We better get outta here before... / U2 Fan: Wait! Do I know you? / Roger: Well, I... / Dave: Too late, Mike! / Mike: Lolapalooza? / U2 Fan: Naah. / Mike: Star Trek convention? / U2 Fan: I don't think so! / Mike: U2 concert, then! / U2 Fan: COuld be... Wait, I saw him on TV!! / Mike: Shoot! / U2 Fan: It was you, right? In the Jenny Stinker show, the guy with the psycho hand? / Roger: Yes, that was me! And since then, you see, I developed a nice eye in it... / Mike: Roger, come here before I kill you. / U2 Fan: Extreeeeme, dude! / {{Part of the "Misery Journey" storyline}} |
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[[City]] / FBI Guy: Hey you! Stop right there! / Fletcher: FBI... sorry, gentlement, you're under arrest! / Dave, Mike: Uh-oh! / Fletcher: You have the right to remain... WHOA! / Fletcher: Mary? Get me Fox Mulder's phone number... / Mary: Don't rhyme so much, it's annoying. And the number is in your cell phone memory, you moron. / Fletcher: You still mad at me? I told you that girl was just my cousin... / Mary: Fetch your own damn number, Fletcher. / Caption: To be continued! / {{Part of the "Misery Journey" storyline}} |
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[[FBI Headquarters]] / Mulder: So, tell me all about that night... / Dave: I can't. I can't remember anything! / Mulder: Mmh. Loss of memory. Typical abductee. / Scully: But he admitted he was drunk! / Mulder: All right, let's interrogate the other freak. / Mulder: GROSS! A TENTACLE! / Scully: Don't be such a wimp, Mulder. / Mulder: Oh, just because you can cut up corpses and have lunch at the same time / Mike: Say, can I ask what's the point of the handcuffs? They don't hold anything, you know... / Mulder: So you don't remember anything either, uh? Explain something to me. Why do you have a tentacle and your friends are normal? / Mike: Normal??? HAH! They never were normal! But now Roger has an eye in his hand, and Dave can burn things just by looking at them... how freakish is that? / Mulder: Loss of memory, mutations... there's a pattern here, Scully! / Scully: We can't prove it, Mulder. / Mulder: What about the tentacle? / Scully: Could be an optical effect, or Venus... / Mulder: Boy, do I hate you, Scully... / Mulder: Nice eye... but where you abducted by aliens or not? / Roger: If I say yes, could you get me a date with her??? / Scully: Of course not! I don't date LOSERS! / Scully: Mulder? / {{Part of the "Misery Journey" storyline}} |
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[[Girls' Apartment]] / April: To be honest, Margaret, I think you're developing delusions of grandeur. Yeah, you get the best grades, but that doesn't mean the rest of us are all a bunch of losers, you know... / Margaret: What? Do you want me to respect mediocrity? / April: Oh, so you're judging everyone lese by YOUR standards, then... / Margaret: Well, they are pretty high standards! / April: You don't have to look down at everybody else just because you're so damn good! / Margaret: I don't have to, but I choose to. And I believe in my right to make a kite out of my fanny and fly it with the string I like the most! / April: Sure you do, you SNOB! / Margaret: At least I'm not a wimp! / April: Snob snob snob! / Margaret: Wimp wimp wimp! / Marsha: Hey girls! Does this nail color match with my blouse? / Margaret: Naaah. Get something pinker. / April: I can't tell until it's dry. / {{Part of the "Misery Journey" storyline}} |
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[[FBI Headquarters]] / Fletcher: Sir? / Chief: Yes, Fletcher? / Fletcher: We have found material evidence of alien visitations. / Chief: Positive? / Fletcher: According to agent Mulder, yes. / Chief: That's not positive. / Fletcher: But agent Scully agrees. / Chief: Damn. / Chief: And the evidence is... / Fletcher: Three teenagers that mutated horribly after their close encounter. / Chief: Are they militarily useful? / Fletcher: I'm afraid not, sir. / Chief: Are they expendable? / Fletcher: Positive. / Chief: Then they must go. Do it yourself, Fletcher. / Fletcher: Um, yes, sir. / Fletcher: Sir? / Chief: Yes? / Fletcher: Did you know that cigarettes can actually kill you? / Chief: That's just another conspiracy, son. / Fletcher: No, I mean, your sleeve is on fire. / Chief: Oh, that. Fetch me an extinguisher, Fletcher. / {{Part of the "Misery Journey" storyline}} |
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[[Girls' Apartment]] / Margaret: I'm truly up to here wit this! Good-bye! / Marsha: Wait! Where are you going?? / Margaret: I'm gonna sleep at the guys' place. / Marsha: What if they come back? / Margaret: They won't. / Marsha: Can't we just talk it over. / Margaret: Look, it's not about you, or April. It's about me. I'm a single child and I'm used to being alone. When I'm not, I freak out. / Marsha: Promise me you'll be okay. / Margaret: I promise. See ya in a couple of days. / Door: SLAM! / Margaret: Forgot... my... gas... mask... / Marsha: Five minutes out, and you already BROKE your promise!!! / {{Part of the "Misery Journey" storyline}} |
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