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| College Roomies from Hell!!! for Monday, July 9, 2007 | Dave: What is it now, Margaret? Unless you want to laugh at me some more.
/ Margaret: I'm sorry! I didn't mean to offend you, Dave. But seriously, it was surreal...
/ Dave: Why? Because I'm soooo good, everybody thinks I'm STUPID?
/ Margaret: No one has said that. You just don't have it in you, that's all.
/ Dave. Nah. You're right, I'm just not wired to be evil. Still, I'd like to be on the giving end once in a while.
/ Margaret: Well, maybe you will. But this is supposed to be a semifriendly mission. / Dave: I *get* it, Margaret. I'm not going with you guys. Have fun without me. No problem.
/ Margaret: Pfft! FUN??? Ok, if you think... uh... wait. Are you JEALOUS?
/ Dave: Nnnno.
/ Margaret: Of Joe???
/ Dave: NO.
/ Margaret: Of Roger, then?
/ Dave: No! I said no, I'm not jealous! Jeez!
/ Margaret: If you say so. Okay.
/ Dave: I say so.
/ Margaret: But you're jealous. Jealous McJealousy JEALOUS. / [[Tybalt is curled up on Dave's head]]
/ Dave: Nobody takes me seriously, Tybalt.
/ Dave: Nobody. http://crfh.net/d/20070709.html |
| College Roomies from Hell!!! for Wednesday, July 11, 2007 | [[Flashback]]
/ Marsha: Well, that does it. She's going to be one sorry woman. I can guarantee you she'll leave Mike alone from now on.
/ Blue: WAIT. You're not going to do anything crazy, are you? Remember what's happened before! If you do something Mike's going to hate me forever for telling you all this.
/ Marsha: Don't worry. It hurts, but I'm not crazy yet.
/ Marsha: When I go crazy, you'll KNOW it.
/ [[End of flashback]] / [[Hazel is on her cell phone as Blue enters the room]]
/ Blue: Mom...
/ Blue: Can I talk to you for a minute? http://crfh.net/d/20070711.html |
| College Roomies from Hell!!! for Friday, July 13, 2007 | Blue: Ma, do you know where she is?
/ Hazel: Where is who?
/ Blue: April, Ma. Don't play innocent.
/ Hazel: I'm not playing innocent. Why are you asking, anyway?
/ Blue: You KNOW why. I want to know where she is. Did you get her yet? Is she here?
/ Hazel: No, she's not. / Blue: I don't BELIEVE this! Why is she still free??? Why is she still alive, while Mike is ROTTING in the f#@%ing ground? WHY?
/ Hazel: Aw honey. I know you want your revenge. But believe me, you should never try that while you're angry.
/ Blue: Ma, I SWEAR... if you don't let me in this time...
/ Hazel: She's mine, Blue. But!
/ Hazel: If you find out what your little boyfriend was doing that night... I'll let you watch. http://crfh.net/d/20070713.html |
| College Roomies from Hell!!! for Monday, July 16, 2007 | [[Margaret hands Dave a pink cell phone]]
/ Margaret: So Dave, you wait here by the convertible. Have this. If we run into any sort of trouble we call you. You'll have to get past the dog, but that should be no problem for your lasers. Okay? Enjoy that fat book of yours meanwhile.
/ Dave: Is that your cell phone? Why can't I have Roger's? It's so... PINK.
/ Margaret: No, it's Marsha's. Roger doesn't have one.
/ Roger: Damn right I DON'T. Those things totally give you butt cancer.
/ Dave: Uh... can I have yours, then?
/ Margaret: C'mon Dave! This is DUMB. You spent a week in Mexico dressed as a nun and sporting a purse. How is this worse?
/ Dave: I'm just saying! Yours is black, isn't it? Why can't I have yours?
/ Margaret: Sorry, I wouldn't be caught DEAD with a cell phone this pink. http://crfh.net/d/20070716.html |
| College Roomies from Hell!!! for Wednesday, July 18, 2007 | [[In the convertible, Dave studies a complex curved mathematical graph]] / [[In Dave's mind, the graph transforms itself into Blue]]
/ Dave: [[thinking]] Ugh... no, this isn't gonna work...
/ [[The cell phone rings]] / Dave: Margaret? What's going on? Do I go straight- / Dave: [[thinking]] She hung up. Why did she... wait a minute.
/ Dave: [[thinking]] That... was Blue's number! http://crfh.net/d/20070718.html |
| College Roomies from Hell!!! for Friday, July 20, 2007 | Dave: [[thinking]] Why would Blue be calling Marsha?
/ Dave: [[thinking]] She hung up on me. Didn't even say "Hi!" or whatever. She just doesn't want to talk to me.
/ Dave: [[thinking]] Well, of COURSE she hates me! I killed her dad, and her brother died and I did nothing! I am such a stupid IDIOT! / Dave: [[thinking]] Or maybe... OHGOD, maybe she hung up on me because she thinks Margaret and I are dating!
/ [[Dave tries to phone Blue back]]
/ Dave: [[thinking]] I... really shouldn't be doing this. It's not my phone, Marsha's gonna be pissed, Margaret's gonna be SO pissed.
/ Dave: [[thinking]] I'm sorry everybody, I just can't let this happen. Blue, c'mon! Answer! / [[Inside Joe's mansion, Margaret is trying to phone Dave in the middle of a fight]]
/ < http://crfh.net/d/20070720.html |
| College Roomies from Hell!!! for Monday, July 23, 2007 | [[Dave is trying to phone Blue outside the fence bordering Joe's mansion]]
/ < http://crfh.net/d/20070723.html |
| College Roomies from Hell!!! for Wednesday, July 25, 2007 | [[A wolflike creature rubs its bleeding nose]]
/ Dave (off panel): What the hairy HELL is ...?
/ Margaret (off panel): DAVE! Dave, don't you just STAND there! ZAP HIM!
/ Joe: *sniff* DAVE ??? !!! / [[Joe, inside the fence, slashes at Dave, outside the fence, ripping his shirt. Dave's eyes glow.]]
/ Joe: GRRLLRAWR / [[Dave, looking stunned, holds the cell phone]]
/ Dave: ... / [[Margaret stares at Dave. Her shirt is torn and spotted with blood.]] / [[Dave snaps the phone shut and looks sheepish]]
/ Dave: HEEH-heeh! http://crfh.net/d/20070725.html |
| College Roomies from Hell!!! for Friday, July 27, 2007 | Margaret: Don't take your eyes off him, Dave. If he starts stirring, ZAPATO.
/ Dave: I can't believe Joe is a were. And I can't believe you kicked his ass.
/ Margaret: Pfa! I got lucky. Meaning, I was lucky he was beating the crap outta Roger, so he was molto distracted.
/ Roger: Oh! Well. GLAD to have been of SERVICE, Margaret.
/ Margaret: This is what we know as "teamwork", dude.
/ Roger: If it's a team of THREE, what was the other part doing? Huh? / Dave: Uh... I was, I mean... I didn't...
/ Margaret: Someone called Marsha and he had to answer the phone to free the line. RIGHT, Dave?
/ Dave: Right. Exactly.
/ Roger: Bah.
/ Margaret: I do have a question for you, Roger... exactly WHY was Joe kicking your ass? He's roughly your size! You weren't even *defending* yourself!
/ Roger: Hmmm.
/ Dave: Yeah, Roger, you have some EXPLAINING to do, man! http://crfh.net/d/20070727.html |
| College Roomies from Hell!!! for Monday, July 30, 2007 | Margaret: He's waking up. Okay, Dave, stay behind me. If he goes crazy, we'll fight him. Try to stay back and bring him down if you can.
/ Dave: GO crazy? He's ALWAYS crazy! Why don't we chain him down or something? Mike had chains.
/ Margaret: That's dumb, Dave. He'd just go human to get loose, then back to were.
/ Roger: [[in werecoyote form]] This is going to be AWKWARD. Is he going to kill me? Shake my hand? Sniff my butt? / [[Werecoyote Joe is lying on the couch, with Spooky the kitten on top of him]]
/ Dave: [[off-panel]] ARRGH! Spooky, NO! Get the Hell outta there!
/ Margaret: [[off-panel]] Wait, Dave, where do you think you're going? NO!
/ Dave: [[off-panel]] But... but he's gonna EAT Spooky!
/ Roger: [[off-panel]] Not without mustard, he ain't.
/ Margaret: [[off-panel]] Don't MOVE, Dave. We'll have to wait and SEE.
/ Spooky: *sniff* mew?
/ Joe: GRRRRRrr..... http://crfh.net/d/20070730.html |
| College Roomies from Hell!!! for Thursday, August 2, 2007 | [[Joe, in werewolf form, holds a kitten]]
/ Joe: Rrrr. Mmmh! Well, what's this? What was your name? "Snacky"?
/ Dave (off panel): Don't YOU...
/ Margaret (off panel): Dave. Already on THIN ice with me. All right?
/ Dave (off panel): Humph!
/ Margaret (off panel): Let the kitten go, Joe.
/ Joe: Why? What are you going to do? Shoot me in the kneecaps?
/ Kitten: Fu?
/ Margaret (off panel): With a katana?
/ Joe: What? No gun? I'm so unproud. / [[Roger and Margaret crouch in the foreground and Dave stands behind Margaret. Margaret is holding a katana.]]
/ Margaret: Turn back to human, Joe. I want to be able to look in your eyes while we talk.
/ Joe (off panel): I can't turn BACK to HUMAN, Margaret.
/ Margaret: But you were human when we...
/ Joe (off panel): Also, my eyes tell me nothing. I can't see. I'm blind. Dave did this to me.
/ Dave: BULLS**T! http://crfh.net/d/20070802.html |
| College Roomies from Hell!!! for Friday, August 3, 2007 | Dave: I did NOT blind you, Joe. And you KNOW it!
/ Joe: [[in werecoyote form and holding Spooky]] You deny it? It's not the first time you have done this sort of thing. I have been asking questions to the right people.
/ Dave: ...Wwell, I didn't say I wouldn't have, but I was blindfolded. And handcuffed. THAT you did. Remember?
/ Joe: Lies. I didn't blindfold you. Obviously, that was THE mistake.
/ Dave: You LIE like a rug, and you SMELL like one, too!
/ Joe: Oh, that one NEVER gets old.
/ Roger: [[in werecoyote form]] He's not lying. He doesn't remember.
/ Margaret: Joe... you don't know, do you?
/ Joe: Know what, sweetheart?
/ Margaret: That... you were possessed by the Devil. Uh, twice?
/ Joe: You seriously are one strange bunch. Did you know that?
/ Dave: Says the guy in the Wookiee outfit. http://crfh.net/d/20070803.html |
| College Roomies from Hell!!! for Monday, August 6, 2007 | Margaret: Are you SURE you want to drive Joe home? I can do it. We can go with you, too.
/ Roger: Nah, it's okay. I want to have a word or two with him, and it's kind of personal.
/ Margaret: Okay. But be alert. I don't think you'll run into any problem, but he MIGHT be possessed at any time, you know.
/ Roger: Well, so could I, right? I'm not worried. Meeting tonight?
/ Dave: [[thinking]] Now is the time to simply tiptoe away, light as a feather, subtle as a ninja-like thing.
/ Margaret: Maybe tomorrow. I want to think about all this stuff first. / Dave: [[thinking as he edges away]] Then find Osama. We can be cavemates, and...
/ Margaret: Dave?
/ Dave: Mmmmmhhhh?
/ Margaret: Can I *TALK* to you for a minute?
/ Dave: [[thinking]] Sweet. Unmerciful. CRAP. http://crfh.net/d/20070806.html |
| College Roomies from Hell!!! for Wednesday, August 8, 2007 | Dave: Margaret, I should tell you I'm allergic to PAIN.
/ Margaret: Will you grow up? I'm not going to do anything to you.
/ Margaret: I just need you to take a look at this.
/ Dave: Look? Okay. As long as it's not Dover porn... / Dave: Jesus God! What the HELL??? Is that...?
/ Margaret: Yes, it's blood.
/ Dave: EW! Why did you give me that? Are you INSANE?
/ Margaret: Well, it should be important, since Mike spent his last minutes alive writing it. / Dave: What? For serious? What does it say? I'm not touching that thing again.
/ Margaret: It says "No deals with Satan."
/ Dave: Uh...
/ Margaret: And you are going to tell me why. http://crfh.net/d/20070808.html |
| College Roomies from Hell!!! for Friday, August 10, 2007 | Dave: I wanted to tell you, Margaret, but you knew Mike ... I told him it was a huge mistake to keep it secret, but ...
/ Margaret: Yeah, I know. Stupid Mike. Anyway, are you SURE he didn't give Satan his 10 minutes?
/ Dave: Not that I know of. But you know, he could have been possessed and never know it. Just like Joe.
/ Margaret: Hum. Yeah, you're right.
/ Margaret: Anyway, see you. I'm going home. / Dave: Aren't you going to say something?
/ Margaret: About what?
/ Dave: Oh, c'mon! Stop torturing me like this! Just say it already!
/ Margaret: Say what? That you royally screwed up?
/ Dave: YES!
/ Margaret: What for? You know what you did... Why would I want to?
/ Dave: So... that's it? You're just gonna let it go?
/ Margaret: Ugh. You're not going to be able to sleep now, right? *SIGH* / [[Dave holds his upper right arm]]
/ Margaret: You're welcome.
/ Dave: OOW! You know, a pat on the head would have worked too! http://crfh.net/d/20070810.html |
| College Roomies from Hell!!! for Monday, August 20, 2007 | Joe: It was really nice of you guys to let me borrow some clothes and drive me home. After kicking me in the face and kidnapping me.
/ Roger: Hey, you attacked us first.
/ Joe: Well, she shows up at my doorstep with a guy that smells like a werecoyote, and I'm supposed to think you're friendly?
/ Roger: Oh, that sounds reasonable. NOT!
/ Roger: Soooo... you're a werehuman, now, am I right? You can't turn back to human, because your default state is coyote-flavored.
/ Joe: Irredeemable dumb terminology aside, yeah. Essentially.
/ Roger: How much time do you have left? Do you know? / Joe: Way TOO much, probably.
/ Roger: Why, because it's never too soon to become a blood-thirsty killing machine?
/ Joe: I really pity you, if that's how you see it.
/ Roger: Don't you? Wait, don't answer that.
/ Joe: HiLArious. http://crfh.net/d/20070820.html |
| College Roomies from Hell!!! for Wednesday, August 22, 2007 | [[Dave is lying on his bed, looking at a picture of Blue. Britanny the kitten is on top of Dave's head]]
/ Britanny: purrrrrrrrrrr
/ Dave: Sympathy is well appreciated, but I don't think it's deserved this time. I really DID screw up.
/ Dave: And for what? I'm not even closer to getting back with Blue. In fact, she probably hates me a lot more, which I didn't even think was POSSIBLE.
/ Dave: Even worse, I'm actually starting to miss Mike. If he was here, he'd be so annoyed at me he'd come up with some crazy and painful plan that somehow would work out in the end. / Dave: Do you think if I send her my ear over the mail, she'd forgive me? Or would she think I'm calling her a whore?
/ Dave: Man, I'm really BAD at this. And there's no one crazy enough to help me.
/ [[Roger enters the room]]
/ Roger: Dude! Joe is SOOOO AWESOME!
/ Dave: Preferably not the LOSER kind of crazy. http://crfh.net/d/20070822.html |
| College Roomies from Hell!!! for Friday, August 24, 2007 | Dave: Have you been riding the floating chicken again, Roger? What the Hell???
/ Roger: That's still a prototype! But yeah, for serious! Notice anything different about me?
/ Dave: Nope, still your nerdy self, as always!
/ Roger: Your observational skills rival those of TAFFY! Do I look like someone who's got his ass kicked?
/ Dave: Huh. Well, no?
/ Roger: Well, that's because Joe taught me to heal myself!
/ Dave: Hhhheal...
/ Roger: He knows LOTS of things. And he's gonna teach me! / [[Britanny jumps from Dave's stomach onto Roger's shoulder]]
/ Dave: He's going to WHAT???
/ Roger: He's going to teach me, and he knows other werecoyotes, and he's going to take me to the parties, and stuff!
/ Dave: Roger, he's EVIL!
/ Roger: Pah. You have some nerve, seeing as how you blinded the poor guy.
/ Dave: I do NOT BELIEVE THIS! http://crfh.net/d/20070824.html |
| College Roomies from Hell!!! for Monday, August 27, 2007 | Dave: What gives? Don't tell me you believe that crap!
/ Roger: Why, do you admit you blinded that guy at Dundun Island, or not?
/ Dave: Well, YOU ate people, Hannibal! What's that got to do with anything?
/ Roger: That "BLINDED by GOD" is a bit implausible? Plus, no witnesses...
/ Dave: Oh, yeah? Well, what about my wounds? I was healed, genius!
/ Roger: So you say. Who's to say you actually did get shot? / Dave: Are you GUANO INSANE? You packed my wounds YOURSELF!
/ Roger: Ummmm. Well, you got lasers. And lasers can like, heal...
/ Dave: Not THAT kind of wounds! Besides, what about the EAR wound, huh?
/ Roger: Maybe with a mirror...
/ Dave: ROGER!!!
/ Roger: Uh... / Roger: Wait a minute.... hum. I guess you're right. Bah.
/ Dave: [[rolling eyes]] Finally! He sees the light!
/ Roger: I mean, blinding Joe would have required at least a minimum amount of initiative and/or spine.
/ Dave: I swear, you're one CRAZY motherf.... HEY!
/ Roger: And I might believe in sewer crocodiles and the Candyman, but THAT? Nuh-huh. http://crfh.net/d/20070827.html |
| College Roomies from Hell!!! for Wednesday, August 29, 2007 | Dave: That's a lie. I have LOTS of initiative.
/ Roger: Initiative, my ass! Half the things you used to do, Mike had to stand behind you with a cattle prod! The other half is plain inertia!
/ Dave: But what about that thing... with the... um. I have... no time to do a lot of stuff?
/ Roger: Baloney. Here, I'll show you something.
/ Dave: What are you pawing under the bed for...? / [[Roger shows Dave a Venn diagram titled "DAVE'S STUFF to DO". There is a big orange circle labeled "Things Dave SAYS he's gonna do". Within this orange circle are three smaller non-intersecting circles. A large green circle is labeled "standing in the snow with sadness / PROCRASTINATION". A small blue circle is titled "FORGET", while a slightly larger red circle is "Things actually pondered". Within this red circle is a tiny black dot.]] / Roger: The tiny invisible nanospeck covers the things you actually do. Questions?
/ Dave: Since... when was that under the bed?
/ Roger: Since the first time Blue came to visit, and YOU said you'd vacuum under there.
/ Dave: Congratulations. It takes a special kind of loser to make Venn diagrams about his roommates.
/ Roger: The kind of loser that gets things DONE??? http://crfh.net/d/20070829.html |
| College Roomies from Hell!!! for Friday, August 31, 2007 | [[Margaret is undressing herself.]]
/ Margaret: [[thinking]] *SIGH* What a S-Murphy day.
/ Margaret: [[thinking]] And the guys... sheesh, I guess I could have handled that better. Still, they COULD try to cooperate a little bit.
/ Margaret: [[thinking]] I don't think I gave Mike enough credit for running the goddamn thing... and when we were SIX... / [[Marsha is sitting on the edge of her bed, facing away from Margaret.]]
/ Margaret: I'm going to take a loooong bath, so if you need anything, you better... uh... Marsha?
/ Margaret: Jesus God, Marsha, you're becoming a potted plant. Are you at least eating something? Anything?
/ Margaret: If you don't want to do it for yourself, do it for Mike. The guy DIED while saving your life.
/ Margaret: And for what? So you can let yourself die? So you can... ugh. Whatever. / [[Unbeknownst to Margaret, Marsha is wearing earbuds and is listening to a tape recorder.]]
/ Dave: [[on tape]] Should have done it much earlier. Like, yesterday.
/ Mike: [[on tape]] Bububut! BUT, Dave! Didn't your father tell you about the birds and the bees?
/ Dave: [[on tape]] What, that you have to keep your mouth shut when parachuting? http://crfh.net/d/20070831.html |
| College Roomies from Hell!!! for Wednesday, September 5, 2007 | Dave: Listen, dude, could you give it a rest? Can't you just let me suffer in peace?
/ Roger: I won't give it a rest, because it's a fish that needs POKING! Are you gonna vacuum, or NOT???
/ Dave: Sheesh, man! What are you, a 50's HOUSEWIFE?
/ Roger: ARGH! Dave, we've discussed this! If we're going to get a new roommate to split the rent with, we need to clean up this joint!
/ Dave: Huh??? / [[Flashback - Dave and Roger are in the living room]]
/ Roger: And since I have the space suit, I guess I get the kitchen? And the bathroom. But since those are the hardest parts, you get everything else.
/ Roger: That means you gotta vacuum and possibly clean anything gross on the floor or walls. We have lots of industrial strength cleaner Mike bought by the bulk.
/ Roger: It gives you cancer!
/ Roger: Which reminds me, one of your jobs will be packing Mike's crap. We need the space and it's probably not right that we keep the stuff, even if the Dragon's moolah has its own zip code.
/ [[Dave is staring at the blue frosting on his doughnut.]] / [[Flashback - Dave and Roger are walking to class]]
/ Roger: ... We also need to figure out the beds arrangement. Boy, is THAT gonna be a problem! Anyway, I was thinking that maybe we could get a futon because that old sofa is terrible and funky-smelling.
/ Roger: You agree? Good! Now, you get the lemonade stand. I'll make the brownies...
/ [[Dave is staring at the blue sky.]] http://crfh.net/d/20070905.html |
| College Roomies from Hell!!! for Friday, September 7, 2007 | [[Dave is still in a blue funk.]]
/ Roger: Dave!! You're orbiting the planets again??? Screw this. I'm moving in with Diana. YOU pay the whole rent.
/ Dave: WHAT??? NO! Wait, I'll vacuum? I'll vacuum!
/ Roger: [[holding up the hand with the eye in it]] Talk to the eye, sister.
/ Dave: But, but I'm, I'm paying ATTENTION! See?
/ Roger: Pfft! Yeah, RIGHT. / Dave: Look, Roger, I'm sorry. I *know* we need another roommate, but I just can't stop thinking about Blue. I can't help it.
/ Roger: Well, dude. You're not going to solve anything by sitting on your ass. Go apologize to her or something, and then please land back on reality? Thanks.
/ Dave: Uh, okay. You're right, you know? You're totally right.
/ Dave: Er... do you have a phone card I can borrow? / Roger: [[off-panel]] Jesus God, I am SO tired of hanging around LOSERS!
/ Dave: WHAT? It was YOUR IDEA, man!!! http://crfh.net/d/20070907.html |
| College Roomies from Hell!!! for Monday, September 10, 2007 | [[Dave is cleaning under the bed]]
/ Dave: [[thinking]] Spiroratstar Roger. He thinks that just because he can move elsewhere... it's totally unfair, this is horrible, he's horrible, I'm gonna...
/ [[Dave uses tongs to pull out a moldy sock]]
/ Dave: EEEW! / Dave: [[thinking]] Why do I have to clean up after some dead guy? Why don't we make the new guy do it? I mean, living space, he should consider himself lucky enough...
/ [[Dave uses tongs to pull out a pair of pink panties]]
/ Dave: Heh. / Dave: [[thinking]] It's a shame that most of what I find is just garbage, it would be better if I was allowed to keep what's not, why would Hazel-ardous want any of this stuff? I have...
/ [[Dave uses tongs to pull out a large bone]]
/ Dave: EEP! http://crfh.net/d/20070910.html |
| College Roomies from Hell!!! for Wednesday, September 12, 2007 | [[Roger is in the kitchen reading the classifieds section of the newspaper.]]
/ Dave: [[off-panel]] Uh, Roger?
/ Roger: Yes, my little cup cake?
/ Dave: [[off-panel]] That's disturbing.
/ Roger: You prefer to be called "my pot brownie"?
/ Dave: [[off-panel]] NO. Listen, Rog, I have a question about something I found under Mike's bed.
/ Roger: That would be MY bed now, and you know our policies. / [[Dave is in the hallway.]]
/ Roger: [[off-panel]] Either it's garbage, or it's not. If it is, then you put it in a black garbage bag. Minus the recyclables, of course. Those go in an orange bag.
/ Roger: [[off-panel]] Unless you want Captain Planet to shoot our kneecaps off. That ho.
/ Dave: What about the organic stuff?
/ Roger: [[off-panel]] Sheesh, are you a n00b or what? You have to put it in a different bag. Green one.
/ Dave: ALL of it?
/ Roger: [[off-panel]] Well, yeah, unless it's gained sentience and/or intelligence. Then I, intrepid plague control, will handle it. / [[Shift back to Roger in the kitchen.]]
/ Dave: [[off-panel]] Uh-huh. So, what color do we use for potentially incriminating forensic evidenCE?
/ [[Roger looks slightly surprised.]] http://crfh.net/d/20070912.html |
| College Roomies from Hell!!! for Friday, September 14, 2007 | Roger: Is... it all? Is it complete?
/ Dave: Well, I'm no anthropologist, but I think so.
/ Roger: And it was all under Mike's bed.
/ Dave: YOUR bed. Yeah.
/ Roger: Okay. Okay, you found anything else I should know? / Dave: Actually... I didn't get it out, but apparently there's also a human liver. In a jar.
/ Roger: A jar. With a human liver.
/ Dave: Well, I'm no biologist, so it could be any other organ?
/ Dave: Also, maybe it's not human, and I'm not sure if that can be classified as a jar, since it's...
/ Roger: UGH. Shut your pie trap for a sec. Thinking. / Dave: Yeah? Do you know what we should do?
/ Roger: Yeah. Let's give THIS bed to the new guy, and I'll take the futon, or...
/ Dave: I mean BESIDES that.
/ Roger: You're crazy if you think I'm gonna "recycle" that liver.
/ Dave: I didn't mean that... but thank God.
/ Roger: Because man, I HATE liver. YUCK! http://crfh.net/d/20070914.html |
| College Roomies from Hell!!! for Monday, September 17, 2007 | [[Roger grabs the phone out of Dave's hand.]]
/ Roger: WAIT! Are you ordering a pizza? It BETTER not include any COPS in it!
/ Dave: No... but if you're paying, sure. AFTER I call the cops and...
/ Roger: We don't want 'em cops with their cop faces and cop questions!
/ Dave: What's to fear? We had nothing to do with Slim Jim! What ELSE can we do?
/ Roger: We're gonna get rid of it ourselves, of course! / Dave: Are you CRAZY??? We can't do that!
/ Roger: Hell yes we CAN. Do you want to attract the Waldo and Steve type?
/ Dave: Roger, we CAN'T become accessories to murder just because of the new roomie!
/ Roger: Not JUST because! Think about Mike's family!
/ Roger: They're going to be mightily pissed if they know we tattled to the pigs! / Dave: Goddammit.
/ Roger: That's right! Boobies are the unbeatable reason to break the law.
/ Dave: Hey, boobies are a big plus. But Blue's got a lot more going on besides that.
/ Roger: Blue? Who's talking about Blue? http://crfh.net/d/20070917.html |
| College Roomies from Hell!!! for Wednesday, September 19, 2007 | So, did you get rid of it, or what?
/ Not really. I have to think of a good place to hide it. In the mean time, I put it in the kitchen cupboards.
/ I'll keep it in mind next time I want to make some bouillabase.
/ Uh. HUH. Well, since you're here with your stink beasts, I suppose you finished cleaning?
/ Roger, it's midnight and I'm exhausted. I'll finish it tomorrow.
/ You'll never finish cleaning because those cats never stop pooping.
/ Don't listen to him, Britanny. Ladies don't poop. / Ladies do SO poop... wait a minute, BRITANNY?
/ Not the pop-tart... it's a comic character!
/ I mean... you NAMED the kittens???
/ Sure I did! Britanny, Spooky, and Tybalt, And this lil' fellow munching on my hair is...
/ Oh GREAT, now you're NEVER gonna get rid of them! http://crfh.net/d/20070919.html |
| College Roomies from Hell!!! for Friday, September 21, 2007 | [[Dave, Margaret and Roger are training]]
/ Dave: Huhhhh... stop? Plz
/ Margaret: But we've got two more series, and then...
/ Dave: Can't. Dying.
/ Margaret: Oh, come ON.
/ Dave: Ok nottt dying... dolka pots... swwwirllllun
/ Margaret: Sheesh. Okay, let's take a break.
/ Roger: Actually, can we just call it a day? I've got places to go. / Margaret: No. Roger, you were late. You're leaving early. And the same for the last three days.
/ Roger: Well, I do enough! I would have already finished if I didn't have to wait for Dave all the time!
/ Margaret: Roger, we train as a team. You know that.
/ Roger: Well, I'm leaving early so I can get extra werecoyote training with Joe.
/ Margaret: HUM. Okay, go, but you're doing kickboxing this afternoon.
/ Roger: Man, what did boxes EVER do to you? http://crfh.net/d/20070921.html |
| College Roomies from Hell!!! for Monday, September 24, 2007 | Margaret: Also, next time could you just plan ahead? Thank you!
/ Roger: [[off-panel]] Pfft. I bet if I was Dave, you'd even DRIVE me there.
/ [[Roger walks away from Margaret and Dave.]]
/ Margaret: Huh? What the heck is THAT supposed to mean?
/ Margaret: Hey! HEY! Get back here and explain, dammit! / Margaret: Man. What IS it with Roger lately?
/ Dave: I dunno. Maybe it's Joe's fault. He's evil?
/ [[Dave finds himself staring at Margaret's perfectly toned butt.]]
/ Margaret: I think something's bothering him. He's very distracted. Has he mentioned something to you?
/ Dave: I think he has cooler and hairier friends now.
/ [[By now, Dave is very distracted by Margaret's butt.]]
/ Dave: Tight, firm.... friends. / Margaret: And SPEAKING of distractions...
/ [[Dave's face turns very red.]]
/ Dave: Uhhh... I'm not... staring at your butt?
/ Dave: [[thinking]] right this second.
/ Margaret: Yeah, GOOD example. http://crfh.net/d/20070924.html |
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