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| College Roomies from Hell!!! | Mike: All right. This is ridiculous. You don't want to go, man? So don't. But then, we will all have to stay. Because deep down, I'm doing it for NOES, you know?
/ Dave: Wow, Mike, that ALMOST sounded sincere. Just go away.
/ Mike: Hum. Okay, you win. We'll stay in this hellhole for Spring Break. Happy?
/ Dave: Indistinct to me. As long as you people stay off my hair. / [[Mike is on the phone again]]
/ Mike: Right. Yeah, he's not coming. I know, but that's what we discussed. Yeah, I'm sorry, I really thought I could convince him. Tell the others, will you?
/ Mike: Yeah, it sucks. Say, want to go for a pizza later?
/ Mike: Mmh. Okay, see you.
/ Dave: You're really slipping if you're trying to make me feel guilty. Oldest trick in the book. / Mike: [[patting Dave on the head]] Nah. Why should you feel guilty? The whole point was to have some fun. I can't force you to do that.
/ Dave: All right. Now you're trying to pretend you're not going to make me suffer for this, just so I can lower my guard.
/ < http://crfh.net/d/20060119.html |
| College Roomies from Hell!!! | [[Outside the apartment building. Dave is clinging desperately to a pole, and Marsha, April and Margaret are trying to pull him off.]]
/ Dave: UNGHH!! HELP! I'm being kidnapped! I don't wanna go and you can't make me!
/ Marsha: We'll see about that! I've had ingrown hairs that were tougher than you, boy!
/ Margaret: You get to choose! You come in one piece, or MORE???
/ April: Aw, he's caving in! And just when his pants were about to come off!
/ Dave: AAAAGH! All right, already, dammit, I'll go! Just give me five minutes to pack!
/ Mike: Pack? What for? You're going to spend most of the time naked!
/ Earl as Police Officer: Collective pole dancing, huh? You're all under arrest! http://crfh.net/d/20060120.html |
| College Roomies from Hell!!! - January 21, 2006 | [[In the dorm hallway]]
/ Mike: So, Dave, got anything to say? You better do cause I bet on my tentacle that I know whose fault this is. Know why? There is a limited number of cat owners in theis dorm Dave...
/ Dave (thinking to himself): Damn! I won't become his slave again. What to do? Just don't panic, don't panic... / [[Dave runs for it.]]
/ Mike: HEY!!
/ Dave (thinking to himself): RUN!! / [[Cut to Luke walking down the hallway. Dave and Mike are off-screen to the left.]]
/ Dave: Why are you chasing me?!
/ Mike: Because you're running away you idiot!!
/ Dave: I'm jogging and that fact has nothing to do with your shoes!
/ Mike: Naaah! Think of a better excuse pal. I know that you're somehow involved.
/ Luke (thinking to himself): ? http://crfh.net/d/20060121.html |
| College Roomies from Hell!!! - January 22, 2006 | [[Luke and Roger are standing in the hallway.]]
/ Luke: Wow. They're fast.
/ Roger: Don't mind them. It's normal.
/ Luke: A guy with a lasersight or somethin is running away from a guy who seems to have a bit close relations to octopuses and you call it normal?
/ Roger: Yup!
/ Luke: I won't ask what you wouyld mean by freaky.
/ < http://crfh.net/d/20060122.html |
| College Roomies from Hell!!! | [[A cab]]
/ Dave: AGH! Wait, turn around! I forgot all about Chester!
/ Mike: He'll be fine, Dave. He used to be a stray cat, right?
/ Dave: ButBUT! My poor cat! He's my pet! He will be hungry! Cold!
/ Mike: And probably shtoinking Vanilla the whole time.
/ Dave: But I really HATE you guys and I REALLY don't want to go on this stupid trip! / Mike: Relax, will ya? It's not like we're joined by the hip. We'll be together at the plane and some other "fatal possession" circumstances, but the rest of the time go put your head inside the toilet for all I CARE!
/ Roger: Speaking of toilets and planes, I have to warn you I have the disturbing tendency to go chunky-barfy all over the place.
/ Dave: See, Asimov? We haven't even left home and the trip is already sucking.
/ Mike: That's what EMERGENCY exits are for. http://crfh.net/d/20060123.html |
| College Roomies from Hell!!! | [[Baggage Check-In]]
/ April: My God, Roger. That isn't one of those stupid-lookin ParisHiltonish pet carriers, is it???
/ Roger: A genuine Louie Button, dearie! Only the best for my little babies!
/ April: You bought a designer bag. For a PET ROCK.
/ Roger: What? No, this is Pepe inside! Fluffy hates Cousin Sandy. Something about friction in the relationship...
/ Paul: Well, Di, I'll try to behave, although I don't know if they're going to let me in on the plane anyway.
/ Diana: Why? You're not bringing your giant can of hair spray in your bag, are you?
/ Paul: Yes, and besides my hips are LETHAL WEAPONS!
/ Dave: No, I don't have any baggage. Unless you mean emotional baggage. In that case, I guess I'll have to pay excess charges.
/ Mike: DUDE. You're a REALLY embarrassing boyfriend, did you know that?
/ Receptionist: [[off-panel]] Oh God, please kill me... http://crfh.net/d/20060124.html |
| College Roomies from Hell!!! Archives | [[The airport]]
/ Mike: Wait a minute, there, Margaret. I need to have a little chat with you.
/ Margaret: Whu? Sure, man, what's up?
/ Mike: I'm just making sure we won't have problems at the security check. You're not carrying any of your assorted weapons, right?
/ Margaret: Of course not! What do you think I am, dumb? They don't let anything in the plane! Besides, considering I can kill using only my shoulder blades... / Mike: Yeah, that's the OTHER thing I wanted to discuss before you go in. Past this point, no talking of weapons, okay?
/ Margaret: Right. I *can* talk about landmines, right?
/ Mike: No. No explodey things.
/ Margaret: How about implodey things?
/ Mike: No implodey, no point, no talk about killing.
/ Margaret: Toast?
/ Mike: No toast. / Margaret: Damn! So what am *I* allowed to talk about?
/ Mike: Puppies.
/ Margaret: You know, I heard you can train a dog to attack an specific part of the...
/ Mike: [[resigned]] Man, we're never gonna leave this stupid city. http://crfh.net/d/20060125.html |
| College Roomies from Hell!!! | [[Airport security. A sign in the background reads "NO JOKING GODDAMIT"]]
/ Security Man: Take your left hand out of your pocket, sir. I am receiving a report of a blue-armed man. Everybody knows blue-armed men are either terrorists or really high-mainteinance flyers.
/ Mike: Are you SURE you want to take a look, man? I mean, it's exactly like my right hand, only I used the left one to reach for my high school ring which fell into the toilet.
/ Dave: < http://crfh.net/d/20060126.html |
| College Roomies from Hell!!! Archives | [[At the airport, heading toward the gate]]
/ Margaret: I don't get it! Why did you go right through even when you had a nail file in your bag, and *I* had to explain what I meant with my "Have a nice day", HUH?
/ Marsha: [[flowery]] You're just not BUBBLY enooooough!
/ Dave: Thank you so very much, Mike. That was HUMILIATING.
/ Mike: [[rolling his eyes]] Like it was my fault you still had that tracking device in you!
/ Dave: Of COURSE it is your fault! You should have done something about it!
/ Mike: Like you're gonna take some horse laxatives just because I say so!
/ Dave: MAYBE! And whatever, it was your MOTHER who put it inside me!
/ Mike: Like the children are guilty of their parents' sins to the seventh generation!
/ Roger: Well, that was a VERY thorough body search. Too bad I'm not into big burly men with muscles on their foreheads!
/ Paul: Win-win situation here, folks! http://crfh.net/d/20060127.html |
| College Roomies from Hell!!! - January 28, 2006 | [[Dave, Mike and Luke are outside the dorm, having crashed through the window.]]
/ Mike: Sorry chum but this spot is already taken.
/ Luke: Mom stop speaking Chinese. I can't understand you!
/ Luke: Oh man why am I crying in French? / Mike: MMMUAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!
/ [[Luke snaps out of it.]]
/ Luke: < http://crfh.net/d/20060128.html |
| College Roomies from Hell!!! - January 29, 2006 | [[Mike, Luke and Dave are outside the dorm. Dave is offscreen to the left.]]
/ Dave: Mike I know your feet stink, but this is ridiculous. The stench almost squeezes tears from my eyes! / [[April walks up and sees them.]]
/ Luke: ....
/ Dave: Are you even listening to me? / [[April walks off, disgusted.]] http://crfh.net/d/20060129.html |
| College Roomies from Hell!!! Archives | [[Aboard the plane. Mike rummages through his carry-on luggage and extracts an I-Pod]]
/ Dave: Don't want to be here. All I wanted was to stay home and study. And now I'm in a plane and I don't have a toothbrush and it's all your stupid fault!
/ Mike: No it wasn't. I did nothing. If you want to file a complaint, why don't you just write it in a paper and then stuff it up your butt?
/ Dave: When we get off this plane, I'm SO lasering your ugly muzzle off.
/ Mike: Moan moan complain complain bitch bitch.
/ Roger: [[holding his stomach]] Uuuugh. You know, I don't feel so good.
/ Mike: The plane hasn't started moving yet, you dork.
/ Roger: Maybe I shouldn't have eaten that Giant Sub of Doom.
/ Mike: Maybe you should still be eating it, so I wouldn't have to hear about uninteresting stuff. Like, YOU. / [[Mike is wearing headphones. From his point of view, Dave and Roger are singing]]
/ Dave: Oooooh-oooooonly YOUUUU can make this wooooorld seem bright.... ooooonly YOUUUUU can make the darkness briiiight... only YOUUUUUU and youuu aloooooone... can thrill me liiiiike you doooooo....
/ Roger: Darooo daroooo daroooo daroooo daroooo darooooo daroooo daroooo aaaaaaah oooooooooh daroooo....
/ Mike: [[content]] *SIGH* http://crfh.net/d/20060130.html |
| College Roomies from Hell!!! Archives | [[Aboard the plane]]
/ Marsha: Want some chapstick?
/ Margaret: [[eating the peanuts]] Nah. Too busy with the salty goodness.
/ Marsha: Maybe you shouldn't eat so much airline peanuts. Lots of fat! And bikini times await.
/ Margaret: Bah. Fat is my bitch.
/ April: Don't you know? Peanuts are EXCELLENT for the skin. Guaranteed! / Marsha: Wow, really? Well, I guess I'll have some. Share, you Urban Terror.
/ Margaret: Whatever. It's not like I didn't steal them from you in the first place.
/ April: [[thinking]] Of course, my horse! Only when applied externally, tho... http://crfh.net/d/20060131.html |
| College Roomies from Hell!!! Archives | [[Aboard the plane]]
/ Dave: [[peering out the window]] What the Hell??? Are we supposed to be THIS high? And why is that thingie folding like that? Huh??? Mike! Hey Mike, is this normal? I don't think this is normal at all!
/ Roger: [[off-panel]] Ugh! Okay Dave, Mike has you on /ignore, so please stop screeching? Your decibels are nauseating. / Dave: [[off-panel]] Well, is this normal or are we dying?
/ Roger: [[vaguely green]] Like you haven't been in a plane before in your life!
/ Dave: [[off-panel]] I haven't! It's my first time!
/ Roger: Yes you HAVE, you idiot, remember our Misery Journey?
/ Dave: [[off-panel]] That doesn't count! I was drunk and I don't remember!
/ Roger: Right, so...uh... / Roger: Wait a minute... so, if you don't remember something it doesn't count?
/ Dave: [[off-panel]] Uh... it's a completely different...
/ Roger: Yes or no, take it or leave it! Does it count or NOT?
/ Dave: [[off-panel]] ... no. / Roger: [[off-panel]] Yes, it's normal, LOSER! HAHAH! PWNED! PWNED! PN... *BAAARF*
/ Dave: [[pointing back to the window]] You know what? Heights not meant for mankind and neck-breaking speed are pretty. I think I'll just look that way. FOREVER... http://crfh.net/d/20060201.html |
| College Roomies from Hell!!! Archives | [[Aboard the plane]]
/ Marsha: ALL RIGHT. Since we're spending the holiday together, I might as well come clean. Margaret, I'm sorry I tried to force you and Dave to talk. I screwed up.
/ Margaret: It wasn't your fault, Marsha. It was all doomed from the beginning anyway.
/ Dave: [[off-panel]] Right, so I guess it's MY fault now???
/ Margaret: Shut your bear-trap, Dave.
/ April: But you really shouldn't be so nosy. You KNOW?
/ Marsha: Nosy? Psha. I didn't even figured out who you were shtoinking.
/ April: The Hell??? Well, sucks to be you. I'm taking my little secret to my GRAVE. / [[Diana peeks over from the row behind them]]
/ Diana: Whoa, April, you mean you still had drive after those maratonic sessions with Paul? Damn, and you people say I'm the nympho around here!
/ Marsha: Whoa, PAUL? For REAL? *GET* OUT!
/ Margaret: OOOOOOOh. JUICY!
/ April: [[blushing]] <<*twitch*>> http://crfh.net/d/20060202.html |
| College Roomies from Hell!!! Archives | [[Alien facehugger leaping at Predator.]]
/ < http://crfh.net/d/20060203.html |
| College Roomies from Hell!!! - February 4, 2006 | [[Luke, Mike and Dave are sitting outside the dorm.]]
/ Luke: Name?
/ Mike: Mike. And there are a lot more pleasant ways for starting new relationships you know...
/ Luke: Hers.
/ Mike: ...April. / Luke (thinking to himself): APRIL
/ Mike: I was gonna smack him good but now I don't think it's necessary anymore. He'll suffer greatly anyway...
/ Dave: Yup! He IS suicidal. I almost pity him. / Luke (thinking to himself): APRIL
/ Mike: (By the way no talking about "NOES" stuff when this guy is around...)
/ Dave: (I believe you have your reasons except for he'll think that we are in great need for brain surgery?)
/ Mike: (Yeah. I don't believe my mom would leave without at least leaving someone behind her.) http://crfh.net/d/20060204.html |
| College Roomies from Hell!!! - February 5, 2006 | [[Dave, Mike and Luke are sitting outside the dorm.]]
/ Dave: (Spy?)
/ Mike: (Correct.)
/ Dave: (But... but... he saw my lasersight! No good! And your tentacle! What are we gonna do?)
/ Mike: I think I got a solution how to prevent him gathering data on us for all eternity. Act friendly.)
/ Luke (thinking to himself): Oh my! What a day? I'm surrounded by a bunch of weirdos, I'm injured, my clothes are completely messed, and I got no material for my press work... Sheeesh! Hey! Wait a second. I got my material right beside me. I bet a guy with a tecntacle can make an interesting story. And he knows that girl. I must gather more info on them. Step 1. Act friendly. / [[All three smile at each other.]] / [[All three continue smiling as a little old lady passes near.]]
/ Dave (thinking to himself): That must look stupid!
/ Mike (thinking to himself): What is he smiling about? Has our little trick been discovered?
/ Luke (thinking to himself): Those two looks like a hungry sharks. Brrr... http://crfh.net/d/20060205.html |
| College Roomies from Hell!!! Archives | [[Aboard the plane. Dave looks out the window]]
/ Dave: There's a MAN on the wing!
/ Mike: [[off-panel]] You mean, like, PAINTED on it?
/ Dave: Yeah, it says MAN984! What the Hell does that mean? Is that the killing count for the airline, or what? / Mike: Okay. Dave, why don't you just try to calm down? I don't know, picture your tranquility pool or something.
/ Dave: Hey, I'm nervous! And why not? The last time I went to my tranquility pool I MUTATED.
/ Mike: I'm just saying, David-san. Breath in, breath out. And junk.
/ Dave: Man, I can't just turn it off! It doesn't work that way! / [[A blue bag in the luggage compartment that is moving around.]]
/ Sack: MEOW! http://crfh.net/d/20060206.html |
| College Roomies from Hell!!! Archives | [[In the baggage compartment of the plane, Chester has just escaped from a sack]]
/ < http://crfh.net/d/20060207.html |
| College Roomies from Hell!!! Archives | [[Aboard the plane]]
/ Marsha: So, April, why didn't you tell us Paul and you were dating? Ummm?
/ April: [[off-panel]] I do NOT wish to discuss it.
/ Marsha: Aw, c'mon.
/ April: [[off-panel]] No.
/ Marsha: C'moooooon!
/ April: [[off-panel]] Drop. The. Topic. / [[Marsha turns to the row behind them. Paul's reading a book named "ODD JOHN"]]
/ Marsha: [[off-panel]] Hey Diana... Uh, where's Diana?
/ Paul: In the bathroom, I think.
/ Marsha: [[off-panel]] Aaw. Anyway, when did you guys start dating?
/ April: [[off-panel]] MARSHA!
/ Paul: I'd tell you, but it's not ethical to talk about business! / Marsha: HAHA! That's funny! That's...
/ Marsha: Uh...
/ Marsha: OH.
/ April: < http://crfh.net/d/20060208.html |
| College Roomies from Hell!!! Archives | [[Aboard the plane]]
/ Marsha: Oh my god April, why in the WORLD...?
/ Margaret: Marsha? I think the license to operate your motormouth just EXPIRED.
/ Marsha: Ugh. Right. I'm sorry. SorrysorrySORRY. Never should have asked... uh, I'll just shut up n-- / [[There is a mouse on the top of April's head]]
/ April: Why, YES, Marsha! I'm a lonely, horny LOSER! That's why! HAPPY??? / April: [[off-panel]] Since you're a jerk and you won't let me borrow your boyfriend, what's the big shock ABOUT, HUH?
/ Marsha: Iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii / Dave: [[pointing]] Mmmmmike, ttthere's SOMETHING inside my pants...
/ Mike: [[rolling his eyes]] Hooray, guy. I am GLAD it's still there.
/ Dave: Nnno, I MEAN... something it's... MOVING... down there.
/ Mike: E pur si muove, EVEN? Fascinating. http://crfh.net/d/20060209.html |
| College Roomies from Hell!!! - February 11, 2006 | [[Dave, Mike and Luke are sitting outside the dorm. A little old lady, passing by, drops some change for them. It lands in Mike's sneaker.]]
/ Little old lady: I always got some spare money for those less fortunate but still smiling. / [[Dave covers his eyes. Mike covers his ears. Luke covers his mouth.]]
/ Dave: ?
/ Mike: ?
/ Luke: ? / Mike: Aw come on guys!
/ Luke: No can do. That is way down below my dignity.
/ Dave: I second that.
/ Mike: Hey it's free money. We all need money. Or at least you Dave. Does it change your mind?
/ Dave: Lemme see... No, still not.
/ Mike: You guys are no fun! http://crfh.net/d/20060211.html |
| College Roomies from Hell!!! for Monday, February 13, 2006 | [[Aboard the plane]]
/ Marsha: [[full panic mode]] MOUSE!!! / Dave: What? MOUSE???
/ Marsha: [[flinging herself at Mike, hugging him around the neck]] MOUUUUUUSE!
/ Mike: AAAGHK! / April: What the HELL? Why does everybody wait until I'm in the middle of my carefully prepared dramatic speech to go BATS[[obscured]] INSANE???
/ Margaret: Was a mouse crawling down your cleavage part of the histrionics? http://crfh.net/d/20060213.html |
| College Roomies from Hell!!! Archives | [[Aboard the plane. A mouse has just vanished down April's cleavage]]
/ April: [[grabbing at her blouse]] AAGH! OhmyGodohmyGod, get it out! Get it out! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!
/ Margaret: Calm down, April! Everybody's screaming, so be quiet and just stand still and I'll help you! / < http://crfh.net/d/20060214.html |
| College Roomies from Hell!!! Archives | Dave: AARGGRRRBGGLRRRGH! Ugh! They're in my pants! It feels funny! AUGH!
/ <> {{Random Background Cursing and Exitement}}
/ <<#>>
/ Margaret: Well, why don't you just stab them in the face with your lasers or something?
/ <<@>>
/ Dave: I can't shoot them without hurting myself!
/ <>
/ Margaret: Well, take off your pants, then!
/ <<%$**>> / [[Blue Background]]
/ < http://crfh.net/d/20060215.html |
| College Roomies from Hell!!! Archives | [[Utter chaos in the background, as the whole plane panics]]
/ <>
/ <<#@!>>
/ <<%??>>
/ Mike: Honeywait! UGH! Gods! Margrtt, lil help here???
/ Margaret: Marsha, stop screaming! And stop choking Mike!
/ Marsha: Not choking climbing HIGH HIGH HIGH
/ Margaret: What's the point of it all? I mean, mouses CAN walk on walls and upside down... the only way to really avoid them would be to float in the middle of the air! / <>
/ <>
/ [[Marsha unfolds her wings, tearing her shirt to shreds]]
/ Marsha: AAAAAAAAA
/ < http://crfh.net/d/20060216.html |
| College Roomies from Hell!!! Archives | [[Aboard the plane, a naked Roger is leaving the bathroom, holding a mouse. All we see of Diana is her hair, standing wildly on end]]
/ Diana: EEW! Mouse!
/ < http://crfh.net/d/20060217.html |
| College Roomies from Hell!!! Archives | [[Aboard the plane. Mike is holding Marsha]]
/ Marsha: Are... are they gone?
/ Mike: I don't know. But I think we landed.
/ Marsha: Landed.
/ Mike: Yes. Don't worry, I'll carry you out of here, and I'll give you my shirt so you have something to put on. And when we get to the... / < http://crfh.net/d/20060220.html |
| College Roomies from Hell!!! Archives | [[Aboard the landed plane. April is still sitting in her seat, topless, trying to cover herself]]
/ Mike: Hey, are you waiting around to be arrested or something? Let's split!
/ April: I'm not going anywhere like this!
/ Mike: Look, all we have to do is go pick up your luggage, then you'll have something to put on.
/ April: Well, it's not good enough for me, SORRY! / [[Mike grabs Paul, who is passing]]
/ Mike: Hey Paul, we're having an abs contest. Are you in or out?
/ Paul: OOOh! I'm IN! / [[Mike tosses Paul's shirt to April]]
/ Mike: Well, we have a winner. And since April's a loser, she has to cover herself in shame. Go Paul!
/ Paul: [[pumping fist in victory]] YESS!!!
/ April: [[to Mike]] Why can't you just stammer and blush like every other guy? http://crfh.net/d/20060221.html |
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