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| College Roomies from Hell!!! Archives | [Mike and Roger flee. Laser bolts sizzle over their heads, bursting into small fireballs where they strike the walls]]
/ Mike: Do you know what I'm gonna say to God when I die? I'm gonna say "Well, God, I TRIED, but you sent me to live with THESE PEOPLE!!!"
/ Roger: Well, don't bother writing it down on a piece of paper because I'm sure you'll be saying it in ten seconds... http://crfh.net/d/20040713.html |
| College Roomies from Hell!!! Archives | [[Back in the apartment, Marsha gets a decent look at her new wings]]
/ < http://crfh.net/d/20040714.html |
| College Roomies from Hell!!! for Thursday, July 15, 2004 | [[In the bathroom. April is closely examining Marsha's batwings]]
/ April: Well, I actually have seen something like this. It was a genetic thing.
/ Marsha: Like... a mutation? I'm a mutant now?
/ April: I don't know. But they are real. And you seem to have some... dead skin hanging from your back.
/ Marsha: EEW! Hey, wait a minute...
/ Marsha: Do you think it was because of the SPA? Because of the hot stones, and the massages with exotic oils, and all that stuff? / April: No, I think the wings were already under your skin. And then you got ONE TOO MANY exfoliation treatment.
/ Marsha: I wish my parents just gave me a spice grinder like I requested.
/ April: Plus, your hair smells like potatoes. http://crfh.net/d/20040715.html |
| College Roomies from Hell!!! for Friday, July 16, 2004 | [[Back on Dundun Island, a guard calls into Control]]
/ Guard: Houston, we have a problem!
/ Operator: [[through radio]] I'm not Houston. He...
/ Guard: I don't CARE! The MONKEY is out of the bag!
/ Operator: [[through radio]] Uh?
/ Guard: XD-00 is on the LOOSE! / [[View from inside the control room. The operator (Bangkok) is near panic]]
/ Operator: WHAT??? How did that happen?
/ Guard: [[through radio headset]] Who the Hell knows? Just close the D-1 containment gate!
/ Guard: [[through radio headset]] And send reinforcements! Some idiot sealed Sections A, B and C...
/ Operator: All right, ALL RIGHT! Closing unsealing sending! / [[In the corridor, Mike and Roger, fleeing the armed cybernetically enhanced gorilla XD-00, approach D-1 containment gate, an enormous steel door. Roger spots the gate closing and points at it]]
/ Roger: Mike! Look!
/ Mike: Son of your MOMMA! RUN! http://crfh.net/d/20040716.html |
| College Roomies from Hell!!! for Monday, July 19, 2004 | [[Roger, still in werecoyote form, and Mike brake rapidly to avoid colliding with the closed containment gate D-1]]
/ < http://crfh.net/d/20040719.html |
| College Roomies from Hell!!! for Tuesday, July 20, 2004 | [[The pink-haired mermaid is in the same tank as the sharks. She hugs a shark and grins evilly]] / [[Releasing the shark, she lets rip with a song. A high-volume, high-pitched burst of white noise issues from her throat]] / [[At the dinner table, Damascus raises an eyebrow as the glasses shatter]]
/ < http://crfh.net/d/20040720.html |
| College Roomies from Hell!!! Archives | [[Mike and Roger are over Containment Gate D-1, and into the greenhouse]]
/ Mike: OWOWOW! UGH, I think I twisted my ankle...
/ Roger: I bet you'd rather be on the other side with the monkey and having your BRAIN twisted...
/ Mike: Man, you could have WARNED me! Maybe I would have landed better!
/ Roger: Sorry, next time I'll give you a two-week notice!
/ Mike: Well, race's over for me... and I think that monkey is gonna blow the door very soon... / [[Roger helps Mike to his feet]]
/ Roger: All right, I'll carry you. But no yellow cab jokes.
/ Mike: What the Stanny-Home is this place? Some sort of greenhouse? Whoa, WAIT, are those centaurs???
/ Roger: I wouldn't bother, Mike. They're stoned out of their mind, you know...
/ Mike: Uh? But... / [[Roger presses his paws over his ears as the background ripples with high-pitched noise. Mike, thus released, struggles to maintain his balance]]
/ Roger: AAAAAAAIIIGH!!!
/ Mike: What? WHAT?
/ Roger: SOUND! DESTROYS! BRAIN! KKHHHGH...
/ Mike: Sound? I don't... Roger, ACK! / [[Both collapse]]
/ < http://crfh.net/d/20040721.html |
| College Roomies from Hell!!! for Thursday, July 22, 2004 | [[A pleasure yacht is anchored to Dundun Island]]
/ Dave: [[aboard]] This better not be some sort of trap. I mean, I routinely set people's hair on fire for revenge. So...
/ Thadeus: [[aboard]] Young man, I'm the butler of Green Manor. I have a whole different scale of terror and anguish.
/ Dave: [[aboard]] Point. So what happens now?
/ Thadeus: [[aboard]] Now, you hide. Then I return to look for the young Master. / Dave: We have another guy with us too.
/ Thadeus: Well, then I'm afraid it will be a bit crowded.
/ Dave: I don't care, really. My system is already shutting down. A piece of floor where I can faint in peace, that's all I need.
/ Thadeus: Excellent. / [[Thadeus shows Dave into a tiny compartment]]
/ Dave: What's this? You don't expect me to go in there, do you?
/ Thadeus: Yes. Well, this is the yacht's secret storage for less than legal purposes. No one will ever find you.
/ Dave: ... YAY. And it's too dark. Where's the light switch?
/ Thadeus: I don't think it would be very wise to turn the lights on.
/ Dave: But...
/ Thadeus: You'll be fine. / [[Thadeus shuts the hatch, leaving Dave staring wide-eyed in total darkness]]
/ Thadeus: [[off-panel]] Just don't step on the dragon.
/ <<*click*>> http://crfh.net/d/20040722.html |
| College Roomies from Hell!!! for Friday, July 23, 2004 | [[In the greenhouse, Mike tries to rouse Roger, who has reverted to human form, while a maddened, cybernetic gorilla tries to gain entry by the simple expedient of blowing apart the door]]
/ Mike: Roger! Hey, Roger!
/ Mike: Dammit, what gives??? You're still alive, so GET UP! Come on!
/ Mike: You can do tests while unconscious! You can help your favorite roomie escape from simian obliteration too!
/ < http://crfh.net/d/20040723.html |
| College Roomies from Hell!!! for Monday, July 26, 2004 | [[The Centaur Filly carries the unconscious Roger. She and the Centaur Colt follow Mike, who tries to use his ID card on the elevator]]
/ Mike: Dammit, my card doesn't work anymore!
/ Centaur Colt: It's a punishment for stealing it from the gods.
/ Mike: I didn't steal it, I found it! Of course I had to kill a god for that to happen, but there's no such thing as a free meal!
/ Centaur Colt: The gods give us lots of free meals.
/ Mike: The gods are not gonna save you from that monkey!
/ Centaur Filly: Neither will you, it seems... / [[The monkey is present. It growls]]
/ Mike: [[off-panel]] Curses! Then I guess we'll have to hide until the gods save us from the monkey.
/ Centaur Filly: [[off-panel]] I thought you said the gods wouldn't save us from the monkey.
/ Mike: [[off-panel]] Heh! Yeah, well, I lie a LOT.
/ < http://crfh.net/d/20040726.html |
| College Roomies from Hell!!! for Tuesday, July 27, 2004 | [[XD-00, the mutant cybernetically enhanced gorilla, sniffs the banana tossed to it by Mike]]
/ Centaur Colt: [[off-panel]] Oh good, he's eating the banana!
/ < http://crfh.net/d/20040727.html |
| College Roomies from Hell!!! for Wednesday, July 28, 2004 | [[A guard surveys the panic enfolding Dundun Island complex. The ocean streams in through the cracked glass walls, mermaids tackle genteel drinks-party guests, sharks freely mingle, guests scream]]
/ Guard: CHAOS! Mayhem! Hair-splitting DISASTER!
/ Guard: It's all flooded and the mermaids have gone bersek and the sharks are eating people and THE TURKEY WAS DRY and there are EXPLOSIONS everywhere...
/ Guard: Houston??? Hey, HOUSTON! / [[In the control center, Houston returns to the console, clutching a doughnut. Bangkok, who was covering for him, attempts to bury his own face in the keyboard]]
/ Houston: Well, I TOLD you it was a boring job. Hey, what did I miss?
/ Bangkok: Houston? Would you do me a small favor?
/ Houston: Sure, what?
/ Bangkok: Drop dead. Rot before you hit the ground. http://crfh.net/d/20040728.html |
| College Roomies from Hell!!! for Thursday, July 29, 2004 | [[Damascus is carrying Hazel, no doubt to avoid her despoiling her dress with the enflooding seawater]]
/ Damascus: We made it to the door. It's the advantage of having secret passages. It's a shame we couldn't finish our dinner.
/ Hazel: Well, the fish was a bit TOO fresh for my taste, Vernon.
/ Damascus: It's so fresh it's MURDER. Well, as delightful as your company is, I will have to leave your side while I try to solve this mess.
/ Hazel: You know that the party's over when you turn out to be the main course, dear. / [[Mike, riding the Centaur Colt, barges through behind them]]
/ Mike: Gangway! Monkey's gone BANANAS!
/ Hazel: Wait... that sounds like... / [[The Centaur Filly, carrying a nude Roger, gallops after Mike]]
/ Hazel: Turn around, I want to look!
/ Damascus: Don't look, my dove. It's a truly ugly and freakish sight.
/ Roger: Don't mind me, I'm just protesting high taxes...
/ Hazel: It's okay, dear, I'll just pay attention to the colossal ape staring at us. http://crfh.net/d/20040729.html |
| College Roomies from Hell!!! for Friday, July 30, 2004 | [[Damascus continues to carry Hazel away from the rampaging drug-crazed XD-00. A fight breaks out behind them]]
/ Guard: [[off-panel]] We got it, sir!
/ Hazel: Is that one of your experimental weapons?
/ Guard: [[off-panel]] AIIEEE!!!
/ < http://crfh.net/d/20040730.html |
| College Roomies from Hell!!! for Monday, August 2, 2004 | [[Damascus tosses the fish over his shoulder as the fight restarts behind him]]
/ A Guard: [[off-panel]] Wait, he's still not down!
/ Damascus: Aw, I guess I'll just get you a new engagement ring. If you still want to marry me now that you think I'm a complete moron.
/ < http://crfh.net/d/20040802.html |
| College Roomies from Hell!!! for Tuesday, August 3, 2004 | [[Roger, in werecoyote form, and Mike walk along the railings of the Green yacht]]
/ Mike: I hope Dave's okay. Now let's hurry before Mom or anyone else sees us.
/ Roger: Hey, Mike... look.
/ Mike: What?
/ Roger: On the beach... / [[On the beach, a mermaid hugs the Centaur Colt around the neck. He waves to Mike]] / [[In the water, the pink-haired mermaid salutes Mike]] / Mike: MWAHAHA! YES! Swim, my pretties, swim! Let the name of the Annihilator be heard on all shores! And destruction will...
/ Roger: [[rolling his eyes]] Isn't this how the whole stupid thing started in the first place? http://crfh.net/d/20040803.html |
| College Roomies from Hell!!! for Wednesday, August 4, 2004 | [[Back in the apartment, April and Marsha have failed to solve the batwing crisis]]
/ April: Okay... okay, so we'll think of something. But it's late, and we have classes tomorrow...
/ Marsha: CLASSES??? I'm not going out looking like this! EVER!
/ April: You'll have to put some clothes on, of course...
/ Marsha: Wow, that sounds easy! Direct me to the nearest shop for people with big-ass WINGS!
/ April: Uh. Right. Let me think for a moment.
/ April: Your wings were under your skin all this time. So there has to be SOME way for them to fit under your regular clothes. Umm-huh... / April: Yeah, hard. But really, we're girls. I mean, how do we fit in our clothes after the holidays? How do we walk around in 10-inch heels without breaking our ankles?
/ April: Laws of physics just don't apply to US.
/ April: Being a woman, Marsha, is the Art of the IMPOSSIBLE. http://crfh.net/d/20040804.html |
| College Roomies from Hell!!! for Thursday, August 5, 2004 | [[In a secret hold aboard the Green yacht, Mike, Roger and Dave sleep cuddled to the dracopuppy]] http://crfh.net/d/20040805.html |
| College Roomies from Hell!!! for Friday, August 6, 2004 | [[Damascus muses as he peers out the window at a jellyfish]]
/ Damascus: How is the Green kid doing?
/ Brazil: [[off-panel, mechanical voice]] Up and *bzzz* feeling happy.
/ Damascus: Happy is good. Careful with the dose, tho. I'll have a little chat with him, and then I'll give him a ride home in one of the choppers.
/ Damascus: I want a complete report on damages, lost specimens, and casualties when I get back.
/ Brazil: [[off-panel, mechanical voice]] Yes... bzzz... sir.
/ Damascus: Also, you'll have to be very patient there... body regeneration takes time. Just consider yourself lucky, Brazil.
/ Brazil: [[off-panel, mechanical voice]] Very... *bzzz* well, *shh* sir. / [[We see that Brazil is a head, attached to the neck of a complex human-body-shaped device]]
/ Damascus: And for the love of Eris, do something about that voice box of yours. It's creeping me out.
/ Brazil: [[mechanical voice]] Aw,but I like static sounds... *bzzz*, sir... http://crfh.net/d/20040806.html |
| College Roomies from Hell!!! Archives | {{Author's note: Small note about this storyline: As you probably noticed, the Dun-dun Island saga has finished. We still have to deal with the aftermath of it, but for this week, though, we're having a small intermission of events out of the normal continuity. This storyline, Elastic, is canon, but it's situated in the past, between "Holidays Too" and "It had to be You". I know a lot of you are missing the "school" part of CRFH, and so we're having "Elastic" as a breather, which is also drawn in a different art style. Don't worry, tho, it will only last seven days, and then we'll be back to our regular story. In the meantime, have fun.}} / Dover: [[off-panel]] As you see, finding the area of a region between two curves is SO boring and trivial. But don't worry, we'll spice it up a bit for Friday's test.
/ [[Roger is asleep at his desk]]
/ < http://crfh.net/d/20040809.html |
| College Roomies from Hell!!! for Tuesday, August 10, 2004 | [[Dave walks down the corridor. Mike saunters after him, whistling nonchalantly. Dave, carrying a book labeled "BOOK", catches sight of Mike from the corner of his eye]] / [[Dave turns to Mike]]
/ Dave: Stay AWAY from me, Mike! I KNOW what you're thinking!
/ Mike: [[the picture of innocence]] Uh? What did I do now?
/ Dave: Nothing YET! But Margaret and I always get the highest scores, and I bet you want to ELIMINATE us to get a better grade!
/ Mike: I am SHOCKED and OFFENDED that you would even suggest I could even begin to start pondering such a plan! / [[Mike chats to Marsha. Marsha is carrying a book labeled "BABBLE"]]
/ Mike: Hey Marsha, remember the plan to bring Dave and Margaret down to our level?
/ Marsha: Let me guess. Subtlety is no longer necessary?
/ Mike: Subtlety... is no longer necessary. http://crfh.net/d/20040810.html |
| College Roomies from Hell!!! for Wednesday, August 11, 2004 | [[Dave is trying to study; Mike stands nonchalantly nearby]]
/ Dave: Didn't I tell you... to stay away from me?
/ <<*twitch*>>
/ Mike: Your logic amazes me, Captain Krako. I *LIVE* HERE! And it's a really small apartment!
/ Mike: [[shrugging]] Besides, I'm doing nothing! / Dave: Oookaaaaaay. I'll speak to you in your jerk-language. Suppose, for a nanosecond, that you DO manage to make me fail the test. What about Roger? He can get a pretty good score, and he almost never studies at all. What are you gonna do about it, huh?
/ Mike: Ba-pssch. See, the thing is that Roger is a genius when he's asleep. Thus, to make him fail, I only need to keep him awake. / [[Mike grins evilly and presents a javelin labeled "Ultrapokinator 3000"]]
/ Mike: And for THAT I already have a sharp and straight-to-the-point plan.
/ Dave: [[leaving]] I would suggest a storage place for that thing, but really, I think there's no room anymore...
/ Roger: COOL! Ultrapokinator 3000! But it could really use some hot rod flames here and there... http://crfh.net/d/20040811.html |
| College Roomies from Hell!!! for Thursday, August 12, 2004 | [[The girls are at the grocery store]]
/ Marsha: Psst, April! Margaret's in the other aisle, let's discuss the plan to make her get a bad grade!
/ April: You're STILL on it? If you really want to die, why don't you eat some of your own cooking for a change?
/ Marsha: And if you're so clever, why don't you come up with a good idea for THIS? / April: Gee Marsha, I dunno, maybe it's because I've grown a liittle bit TOO ATTACHED to my limbs...
/ Marsha: Well SOWWY to break it to you, girl, but you can't have EVERYTHING.
/ Marsha: So what's it gonna be, limbs or a degree? You HAVE to sacrifice SOMETHING! / [[Margaret joins them]]
/ April: Did you hear, Margaret??? Jean-Claude Van Damme is in TOWN!
/ Marsha: WOO! Let's go STALK him!
/ Margaret: Yay! Dave told me what you're up to, so NO WAY in HELL! http://crfh.net/d/20040812.html |
| College Roomies from Hell!!! for Friday, August 13, 2004 | [[Dave is in the library, studying]] / [[Something in the book "Calculus for Nightmares" alarms him. It also attracts the notice of the passing Mrs. Cerberus]]
/ Dave: < http://crfh.net/d/20040813.html |
| College Roomies from Hell!!! for Sunday, August 15, 2004 | [[Dave and Roger leave the classroom. Dave breaks his pencil in his fingers]]
/ Dave: I don't WANT to talk about it, man! I got KILLED! Eliminated! Obliterated into nothingness!
/ Roger: [[rubbing his backside]] Yeah, and I couldn't concentrate with Mike poking me with a sharp stick...
/ Dave: We're... SO dead. Dead meat. In the FRIDGE.
/ <<*snap!*>> / [[Mike conspires with Marsha and April]]
/ Mike: Well, Dave and Roger were out. I hope you managed to neutralize Margaret...
/ April: Uh, actually, we couldn't stop her. She studied all night.
/ Mike: WHAT? Oh crap, we're SCREWED!
/ Marsha: Don't worry, babe. She'll fail.
/ Marsha: Even the Death Star had a weak spot... / [[Margaret stumbles after Roger. Her T-shirt reads "STFU"]]
/ Margaret: Traitors... gonna pay for this... how DARE you... poison me with DECAF...
/ Roger: [[thinking]] The really disturbing thing is that I actually liked it a lot.
/ Dave: [[off-panel]] Dead meat! In the fridge! IN THE FRIIIIDGE! http://crfh.net/d/20040815.html |
| College Roomies from Hell!!! for Monday, August 16, 2004 | [[Dover berates his class. The board reads "Newton would've killed himself"]]
/ Dover: Honestly people, I am SO disappointed! You did so bad in the test, I'm gonna burn your textbooks in a huge bonfire and dance naked around it!
/ Dover: I'm also asking the Dean that you all get sent back to kindergarten where you belong!
/ Student: [[off-panel]] *sob*
/ Dover: Except for Mike. He aced the test. Everybody will be graded accordingly. / Mike: Whoa! FOR REAL???
/ Mike: HAH! Kickass!
/ Mike: I RULE!
/ Mike: Who's your DADDY? Huh? / [[He notices the menacing silhouettes looming behind him]]
/ Mike: Although, uh, I cheated on some of my answers...
/ Mike: Maybe ALL of them...
/ Mike: Uh, does this college have a witness protection thing, or something? http://crfh.net/d/20040816.html |
| College Roomies from Hell!!! Archives | [[Margaret sleeps on a bed of soft moss in a cave]]
/ < http://crfh.net/d/20040817.html |
| College Roomies from Hell!!! Archives | [[Flashback... or dream?]]
/ Hazel: Well, Dave. Are you going to take your medicine like a good boy? Sorry, only GREEN pills here...
/ Jay: Why ask? Give me five minutes with him and that pill will go inside one way... or the other.
/ Hazel: Gratuitous violence, Jay... tsk tsk. Besides, doesn't he look CUTE when he's sleepy?
/ Jay: He'd look cuter if he was DEAD. / [[Dave sits bolt upright in bed]]
/ Dave: AUUGH! No! I HATE pineapple juice!
/ Dave: Huh? Ah, just a nightmare, thank God... / [[Dave rubs his wounds]]
/ Dave: OW! What the...? Where am I?
/ Dave: I wake up in a different place every... / [[The bed also contains Mike and Roger]]
/ Dave: AAAUGH! I changed my mind! Previous nightmare, please!
/ Mike: Geez, you WISH. You're not even my type.
/ Roger: [[sleeping]] I'd like to thank the Academy for this beautiful lasagna... screw you all... http://crfh.net/d/20040819.html |
| College Roomies from Hell!!! Archives | [[Dave, Mike and Roger are in the one bed]]
/ Dave: Where are we? I don't know this place!
/ Mike: We're in my house.
/ Dave: WHAT? So it wasn't a nightmare! The Dragon captured us!
/ Mike: Naw, we just sneaked in here. Mom's too busy to notice us.
/ Dave: The MADNESS! Why did we come here?
/ Mike: Well, you needed some medical attention, and I know a guy around here that will fix bullet wounds without telling the cops.
/ Roger: You dream with the Dragon and call it a nightmare? Nerrrrrrd. / Dave: This has to be the worst idea ever.
/ Mike: Will you relax? If everything goes okay we can go home tomorrow.
/ Dave: This house is weird! Where are all the walls?
/ Mike: Why would I want more walls in my bedroom?
/ Dave: Wh...? Your bedroom?
/ Dave: You gotta be kidding. Why do you want a bedroom the size of the YANKEE STADIUM?
/ Mike: Yeah, it gets annoying. Since you never can find anything, you have to go and buy new stuff.
/ Roger: Wait 'til you see the bathroom. It's so BIG, it even has its own bathroom. http://crfh.net/d/20040820.html |
| College Roomies from Hell!!! Archives 08.23.2004 | Dave: *sigh* Okay, I'll just get bac to sleep. Hopefully I won't dream of your mother and her green pills.
/ Mike: WHI? Did you say... GREEN PILLS??? / [[Mike wrestles Dave on the bed, while Roger tries to get out from underneath them]]
/ Dave: OOOW! Careful there! Wait, Mike? What the HELL are you doing with that thing, whatever it is???
/ Mike: Metal detector! I have to know if you still have it inside!
/ Roger: ACK!!! Okay people, if you want some privacy you only have to ASK FOR IT! / [[They all freeze. Something at the doorway has attracted their attention]]
/ Mike: ... / [[Mike's dad stands in the door, a cigar dropping from his lips]]
/ Harry's Heart: malfunction http://crfh.net/d/20040823.html |
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