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|College Roomies from Hell!!! for Friday, June 11, 2004||Diana: Marsha, don't take it personally. April hates EVERYBODY. / Marsha: Well, she didn't use to be like that! And why did you two get into that catfight, anyway? / Diana: Because Roger is hiding something from me, and I thought it was that April was after him too. / Marsha: So why is he hiding something? Is he afraid you'd get mad? / Diana: Well, he told me he was afraid it was too weird, even by his standards. / Marsha: Pfft. Right. Like anything would be WEIRDER than the werecoyote thing. / [[Marsha claps a hand over her mouth]] / Marsha: Bebebecause hehehe tototold you. / Marsha: About the werecoyote thing, right? / Marsha: RIGHT??? / [[Diana stares blankly at her]] / Marsha: Eeeep...|
|College Roomies from Hell!!! for Monday, June 14, 2004||[[Damascus leads Hazel through a glass corridor. In the ocean beyond the glass sharks frolic. In the corridor foreground guards loiter]]
/ Damascus: And we have these aquarium halls. They connect the manor to the rest of the base.
/ Hazel: The sharks are a nice touch.
/ Damascus: Yes, we can alternate between sharks and mermaids. But you already saw the mermaids, so... / [[A shark regurgitates a human head]]
|College Roomies from Hell!!! for Tuesday, June 15, 2004||[[In Control, the Operator (Bangkok) has problems of his own]] / Operator: Darn it. All right, so we have to redirect the sharks to the other tank. They'll be a little cramped there, but it'll do. Also, I'll cut the flow off Hall B-3. See if you can find anything there. / Operator: Well, yeah, I already sent two other guys to clean up the mess. / [[Over his shoulder, we can see text scrolling wildly up his screen. "anyway)... is that... it 000 Opr... epy duplic... Oither Oa... powers, or... cate, b... we... or... cou..."]] / Operator: Heh. I'm actually not sure about that. And as you can see, right now is not a good time to ask. / Operator: Hell, no, Houston! Stay where you are. I'll get the bullets or the ticket up, you missed your chance! / Operator: Put him in the freezer, what else? Everything else proceeds as usual.|
|College Roomies from Hell!!! for Wednesday, June 16, 2004||[[Mike gets his bearings, trying to track down Roger in this enormous complex]] / Mike: [[thinking]] So they drained the tank. Mmh. Well, I think I can find my way from here. / [[Mike wanders through the drained tank, past a discarded green ID card]] / Mike: [[thinking]] I hope I don't run into anyone. I've hurt too many people today. / Mike: [[thinking]] I wonder if I should help the mermaid? It looks like she was up to something evil... / [[Mike tries to remember the entry code for the elevator]] / Mike: [[thinking]] Let's see... it was... yeah, 1030, day before Halloween! / Mike: [[thinking]] Now, once I find Roger, he can find Dave using his nose. / Mike: [[thinking]] And then we can get out of here and have a SERIOUS talk.|
|College Roomies from Hell!!! for Thursday, June 17, 2004||[[Damascus shows off the menagerie to Hazel, in particular a cute blue... sort of puppy dragon]] / Damascus: Well, I couldn't decide between getting you a puppy or a dragon, so I went for both. / Hazel: It's beautiful! But silly, my kids are going to freak out! They don't know I know they call me a Dragon behind my back! / Damascus: Heh. We'll say it was something you requested. / Hazel: I still don't understand why you have all these creatures, but your angels are robots. / Damascus: Ah, that. Yes, we have two problems with the angels. First, they can't float. / Damascus: Flapping around while giving a speech is very impractical. / Damascus: Second, the same problem we have with the other human-based creatures. / Damascus: Basically, we have to keep them drugged to control them. The moment they have a mind they start looking for trouble. I am trying other methods of thought control, like religion... but for now, AI does a better job. / Hazel: Right. Well, there are a lot of other things you can try. For example, I have this Chamber, and it... / [[A foolishly grinning werecoyote drapes himself over Hazel's shoulders, leaving her momentarily speechless]] / Roger: Heehee! The Gods are pretty. I think I have found reliiiiigion...|
|College Roomies from Hell!!! for Friday, June 18, 2004||[[Damascus calmly applies the lit end of his cigar to Roger's thumb. Roger withdraws his arm rapidly]]
/ Damascus: See, dear? Exactly what I was talking about...
|College Roomies from Hell!!! for Saturday, June 19, 2004||[[Meanwhile, back in the apartment, Marsha is still covering her mouth with her hand]] / Marsha: Don't tell Roger I told you. He's gonna kill me for this. / Diana: Tell me WHAT? What IS this "werecoyote thing?" / Marsha: I thought you knew. I SWEAR... / Diana: LOOK. If this is about the fur suit, yes, I do know. / Marsha: F...? Ah. AH. Then, we are... cool. / Diana: What I'd like to know is WHY he wouldn't tell me. / Marsha: Wuwell, see. It was just because... he didn't want you to think... he was a REALLY BIG PERV. Uh. Yeah. / Diana: The...? / Diana: ... / Diana: Oh. OH MY GOD, he's a WERECOYOTE, isn't he? / Marsha: [[thinking]] Marsha, girl, you TRIED.|
|College Roomies from Hell!!! for Sunday, June 20, 2004||Marsha: Well, April was right. THIS is why no one tells me anything. / Diana: So, uh. He... he changes with the moon, and all that? / Marsha: No, he can change whenever he wants. But I think he sometimes can't help it. / Diana: And... he eats people, and stuff? / Marsha: Naah. Although I think he's afraid he could. / Diana: So that's why he didn't tell me? Because he's afraid of himself? / Marsha: Who understands men? I'm still puzzled as to why Mike said something horrible to me. He obviously wanted me to dump him, but darned if I know why. / April: [[off-panel, still in fever dreams]] Hahah... you idiot... because you poisoned his little sister, why else? ... hahaha... pffft...|
|College Roomies from Hell!!! for Monday, June 21, 2004||Marsha: [[peering in April's direction]] Uh? NOW she's babbling nonsense. / Diana: Mmh. Maybe she's right. Maybe Mike was so angry at you, he... / Marsha: What are you talking about? I never poisoned Blue, that's just ridiculous. / Diana: Uh... Marsha? You did. Well, not intentionally, but you baked the cake... / Marsha: What cake? Blue has never eaten any cake I baked. Ever. / Diana: Yes she did! And it landed her in the hospital! Roger and I went to visit her! / Marsha: Yeah, right. I don't know who's been telling you stories, but... / Diana: Okaaaay. Marsha? I'm going home. / Marsha: Wha? WHY? / Diana: Yeah, I have a lot of thinking to do. You too. / Marsha: Are you gonna leave me alone with HER??? / Diana: April isn't in danger. Her fever is under control. You're only standing beside her because you think she's still your friend. / Marsha: What is that supposed to mean? / Diana: [[leaving]] That you still have a problem facing reality, that's all. / Diana: April hates you, and you're a terrible cook. Those are the facts. What are you going to do about it? / Diana: [[off-panel]] You can keep on lying to yourself, or you can make a decision, and STICK to it.|
|College Roomies from Hell!!! for Tuesday, June 22, 2004||[[Mike is sneaking through the Dundun Island complex]] / Guard 1: [[hidden around corner]] So they have absolutely no idea of how they developed the shapeshifter. / Guard 2: [[hidden around corner]] Well, how can that be? Spontaneous mutation? Side effect? / Guard 1: [[hidden around corner]] They still don't run tests on the guy. They're all down in the Section E. / Guard 2: [[hidden around corner]] The cyborg labs? Ah, damage control. / [[Mike hides around the corner as the guards stroll past, chatting]] / Mike: [[thinking]] Great, they're going away. I'll wait until they turn around the corner, and then it's my chance to get in! / Guard 2: So why are we all going there too? / Guard 1: Well, a scientist disappeared. I think his name was Sydney. / Guard 1: So they're freaking out? Bunch of whiners... / [[Mike turns the corner after the two guards have gone... and runs int o the third one, who until now has been silent. Everyone stares at each other, surprised]] / [[The cells. Roger, in werecoyote form, sits bored in one cell. Mike is in the cell next to his]] / Roger: Waaaay to go, Mike. / Mike: I, um, did it on purpose?|
|College Roomies from Hell!!! Archives||Roger: Aren't you a bit overdressed for test lab imprisonment? / Mike: Well, I wasn't planning on getting caught. / Roger: So you decided dressing like James Bond would give you the funky spy moves? / Mike: Nah, I went to a gala party with the unnoble purpose of strangling the host. I couldn't. / Roger: You couldn't. / Mike: No, I fainted. / Roger: You... fainted. / Mike: Yeah. / Roger: Please tell me you're still a ruthless, vicious guy who cares for no one else than himself. / Mike: No, that would be evil. / Roger: [[rolling his eyes]] YES. Pray for something every day of your life, and eventually God will get annoyed at you and make you choke on it. / Mike: Up for a game of "Name that Tune?"|
|College Roomies from Hell!!! for Thursday, June 24, 2004||[[Elsewhere in the complex, Dave pokes his head around a corner]]
/ Dave: [[thinking]] Are they gone?
/ Dave: [[thinking]] I haven't heard anything for a while now. / [[Dave moves on]]
/ Dave: [[thinking]] Never mind that, I have to keep moving.
/ Dave: [[thinking]] If I get too comfortable hiding I'll just lose whatever little I have of my... / [[A hand reaches from the dimness and slams Dave, face-first, into the wall]]
|College Roomies from Hell!!! for Friday, June 25, 2004||[[Jay sticks a gun in Dave's ear]] / Jay: Don't move... and no turning around, Petunia... I know what you can do... / Dave: What, are you gonna shoot me? Someone already beat you to it, sorry... / Jay: Heh. Yeah, I see... quite a sloppy job, too, I'd say, since you're still breathing. / Dave: So, Madame Green found out, huh? Well, I regret nothing. And then she sent you to... / Jay: Found out? / Dave: Uh... nothing. Like she would need or want a reason, the basketcase. / Jay: You better shut the hell up about my mother. You don't know a THING. / Dave: WAIT, you're Mike's BROTHER??? / Jay: Legally, yeah. She got us all out of the streets. / Dave: My God... uh. Well, if she didn't send you, what do you want? / Jay: WHO do I want, you mean... / Dave: [[thinking]] %&@$]+*????!!!!!!|
|College Roomies from Hell!!! for Saturday, June 26, 2004||[[Roof of the apartment building. Night. Marsha stands shivering, alone]] / [[Marsha stands on the parapet, looking over]] / [[Back view of Marsha, her head drooping]] / [[Close up view of Marsha's feet; the left one steps over the edge]]|
|College Roomies from Hell!!! for Sunday, June 27, 2004||[[A black cat leaps from the darkness. Tears have streaked Marsha's face]]
/ Marsha: AH?
/ Chester: <
|College Roomies from Hell!!! Archives||[[April sits up, her hair awry, her face still flushed with fever]] / April: Uugh. Freaky dreams. / April: Who closed the window? No wonder it's so damn stuffy in h- / [[April is aghast at what she sees out the window]] / April: Hhhh / [[Marsha falls past the window]]|
|College Roomies from Hell!!!||[[Marsha falling from roof.]] / Marsha: GodDaddyMom Mike I'm so sorry. / [[Marsha suddenly sprouts wings.]]|
|College Roomies from Hell!!! for Wednesday, June 30, 2004||Dave: uuuuUGH! Ghh... Oh God that hurts...
/ Jay: Sure it does. And if you don't stop squirming it'll hurt worse.
/ Dave: Stop... stop it! Plbbbease... ow
/ Jay: Well... you know what you have to do for that do happen, no? / Dave: GGHHHKKNNO! Don't take orders from Satan or your Mom, why should... UGH
/ Jay: More fun for me.
/ Jay: I'm gonna keep on twisting your arm until you agree. And if you still don't, then I'm going to kill you. No one will know I did. / Jay: I fail to see what Blue saw in you. If you were better than me, I'd step away. But you're a wimp and a coward that hurts women. If you don't put an end to it, I WILL.
/ Dave: You d-don't know me at Jesuschrist
/ Jay: What ELSE is to be known about you, Petunia? I know plenty.
/ Dave: *gasp* Je... Jay? / [[Dave jerks his head backward, colliding heavily with Jay's nose]]
/ Dave: Ssstop f#@%&*g calling me Petunia!
|College Roomies from Hell!!! for Thursday, July 1, 2004||[[Dave turns to face Jay, his eyes glowing. Jay aims his gun at Dave, his nose bleeding]]
/ Dave: Just GREAT. A mexican standoff. / Jay: [[grinning]] Standoff??? I don't believe in standoffs. / Dave: You better believe in it because I...????!!!!
/ [[A bullet zips past Dave's right ear]]
|College Roomies from Hell!!! for Friday, July 2, 2004||[[Crates scattered through the room are burning]] / Dave: [[thinking]] Oops! Seems I got a little carried away with the microwaving... / Dave: [[thinking]] I better get out of here. I don't need third degree burns on top of EVERYTHING. / [[Dave's eyes sweep the corridor as he steps outside the burning room]] / Dave: [[thinking]] Third one for today, huh? / Dave: [[thinking]] Well, so what? Good riddance. / Dave: [[thinking]] One more doesn't make a lot of difference. / Dave: [[thinking]] He's probably gonna kill me the next time he see me, so it's self-defense. / [[Dave grimaces as he returns to the burning room]] / Dave: [[thinking]] Besides, he freaking DESERVES it! C'mon, he just shot me! / Dave: [[thinking]] And, AAARGGH! / Dave: [[thinking]] God, I do HATE myself sometimes...|
|College Roomies from Hell!!! for Saturday, July 3, 2004||[[Dave drags Jay's unconscious body from the burning storeroom]] / <
|College Roomies from Hell!!! for Sunday, July 4, 2004||[[Mike and Roger are in adjoining cells]] / Mike: So, what about Dave? / Roger: Surely playing harp by now. / Mike: Why so sure? / Roger: Doctor said so. / Mike: Doctor? / Roger: I kidnapped him. He needed some stuff to fix Dave, but I got lost and then caught. / Mike: And you BELIEVED such a story??? Heh. Why do you even worry about being evil? You just don't have what it takes. / Roger: What's the difference? If he didn't die, the scientist guy turned him in. Any way, I blew it. / Mike: Pfah. Of course NOT. They already know he cooks with a laser. He'd be HERE with us. / Roger: OR under several microscopes. / Mike: Man, you seem to really need to kick yourself. Want me to help? When I'm done with you, there won't be enough of your self-esteem left to fill up your cavities.|
|College Roomies from Hell!!! for Monday, July 5, 2004||[[Roger and Mike are in adjoining cells, awaiting dissection. Roger is in werecoyote form]]
/ Roger: Uuh... Mike? You're acting very strange. I thought you said you were NOT evil.
/ Mike: I'm not evil if I'm acting for the common good. We need YOU to be evil, not me.
/ Roger: WHAT???
/ Mike: We need to get out of here.
/ Roger: What does that have to do with...?
/ Mike: I'm sure that if I get you mad enough, you'll go bersek again, and then this puny little cell won't be able to hold you. / Roger: You're just... OUT of your mind. Really. Nothing in stock. All the little workers on strike. OUT.
/ Mike: No, no. I'm serious. You need to do it.
/ Mike: I mean, I'm sure that in your current state, you can bend the bars just enough so your human self can get through fine. The problem is the voltage. But if you were big enough... / Roger: And then WHAT? Do I have YOU for dinner? Should I pick the red or the white wine?
/ Mike: You know perfectly well that I'm safe from you.
/ Roger: I attacked you before! Why are you so sure?
/ Mike: Because I REMEMBER. Satan needs me alive, Roger.
/ Roger: Well, FORGET IT! I'm not doing it!
/ Mike: You can't afford scruples right now, Roger. The question is, will you sacrifice Dave for them? / [[A distant explosion knocks out the power... and the lights]]
|College Roomies from Hell!!! Archives||[[Back at the apartment: April peers fearfully at the window, unwilling to look out]] / <
|College Roomies from Hell!!! for Wednesday, July 7, 2004||[[April goggles at the sight of huge batwings growing from Marsha's back]] / Marsha: Don't just stand there! Go look for something to get that bat off my hair before it gives me the rabies or something! / April: ... / Marsha: APRIL??? Snap out of it! C'mon! / April: I'm going back to bed. Call an ambulance for me. I'm obviously dying. / Marsha: [[off-panel]] Hey, wait a minute! It's me that needs help, not you! AAAAARGH! / April: Yeah, Marsha, it's always ME ME ME ME ME ME.|
|College Roomies from Hell!!! for Thursday, July 8, 2004||[[Back in the Dundun Island complex, Damascus is on the phone]] / Damascus: So, have you figured out what that big Kaboom was all about? / Operator: [[through phone]] Yes, sir. Apparently some fireworks exploded. / Damascus: Any idea of what caused it? / Operator: [[through phone]] Early to tell, sir, but it MIGHT be sabotage. We found a guy wandering about, but he's in pretty bad shape. He's not suitable for interrogation. / Damascus: Very well. Keep me informed, okay? / [[Damascus returns to his table, where Hazel is waiting. The power being out gives the table a romantic ambience]] / Damascus: Well, we have dinner AND a show, dear. / Hazel: At least most of the waiters aren't on fire. / Damascus: Yet.|
|College Roomies from Hell!!! for Friday, July 9, 2004||[[Dave is lying on a pile of sacks. He is illuminated by light streaming dramatically through a doorway]] / Voice: [[off-panel]] David Jones, I presume. / Dave: So. This is how it ends, huh? / Dave: All that fighting for nothing. Go figure. And now a single, unarmed man is going to kill me. / Dave: Well, go ahead. I wasted my last burst of adrenalin in a most stupid way. I guess I deserve it. / [[We see the figure who opened the door. Backlit as he is, he's somewhat sinister, but it's still Thadeus]] / Thadeus: Actually, Mr. Jones, I was going to offer you a ride home. I don't know if you remember, but my name is Thadeus. / Dave: [[off-panel]] Thadeus? Rings a bell. / Thadeus: Quite an awful pun, Mr. Jones. / Dave: [[off-panel]] Uh? Uh... yeah, the butler! Aw. So you're gonna take me to her, I guess. / Thadeus: Not quite. Madame does not know I am doing this. / Dave: [[off-panel]] Ba-pssch. Yeah, right. Why would you help me? / Thadeus: Let's just say I would like to keep Miss Blue and Master Michael on my side for now... / [[Dave, holding makeshift bandages to his assorted wounds, joins Thadeus]] / Dave: I don't have a lot of choices, do I? Let's go before a meteor hits me, and stuff. / Thadeus: And while we're there, maybe you can give me some useful advice... / Dave: Advice on what? How to get killed in 30 easy lessons? / Thadeus: No, on how getting the love of evil women. / Dave: You mean there are women that are NOT evil???|
|College Roomies from Hell!!! for Saturday, July 10, 2004||[[Mike and Roger (in werecoyote form) are in a control room. A sign in the background reads "TANK FLOW CONTROL"]] / Mike: Okay, I think I connected the flow between the tanks. I wish there was a way to be sure... / Roger: Okay, Mike, we need to focus on getting Dave and then splitting. We don't have time to worry about anything else. / Mike: Well, you're right. Anyway, I did my best. Now c'mon, we can count on the blackout helping us a little bit, so we better use it while we can. / Mike: Right? / [[Roger is staring transfixed at a large red glowing button on the wall]] / Mike: [[off-panel]] Roger?|
|College Roomies from Hell!!! for Sunday, July 11, 2004||Mike: What's the matter?
/ Roger: It's... a button. Crimson red, round, smooth, shiny, pulsating-with-life button.
/ Mike: Yeah, so?
/ Roger: Freakin' HUGEST button I HAVE EVER EVER seen in my whole sad life, and probably will EVER see.
/ Mike: Man, a button that size must do something UNSUBTLE!
/ Roger: I... am aware. / [[Roger extends a finger toward the button]]
/ Mike: Wait a minute! What are you doing???
/ Roger: Must push it.
/ Mike: Roger, NO! What if it's the alarm or something?
/ Roger: Distraction?
/ Mike: Are you CRAZY?
/ Roger: I need to.
/ Mike: ROGER, NO! / [[Roger meekly withdraws his finger]]
/ Roger: Aw! But I REALLY REALLY want to...
/ Mike: Want to what? Put our lives in danger because of a stupid button???
/ Roger: Uh... no. Of course NOT.
/ Mike: Well, GOOD. Let's go now. We have lost enough time.
/ Roger: You're right. This is stupid. Let's go. / [[Grinning manically, Roger pushes the button]]
/ Roger: NIRVANAAAAAAAAA!
|College Roomies from Hell!!! for Monday, July 12, 2004||Roger: Uh? What's that noise?
/ Mike: Look... that door's opening.
/ Roger: Eep. I...
/ Mike: SHH. Don't move. / [[The door has opened onto a small chamber. In the chamber is a gorilla. Wearing goggles. And a backpack]] / Mike: Welllll... apparently it's some kind of monkey.
/ Roger: Heh. Think it's dangerous?
/ Mike: Who knows? All I can tell is it has, pfffft, some GOGGLES.
/ Roger: [[laughing]] And a BACKPACK!
/ Mike: [[laughing]] And funny hair. / [[A glowing-red HUD monocle slides over the gorilla's left eye. The gorilla snarls]]
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