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| College Roomies from Hell!!! Archives | [[A camera gets hit with a red liquid.]] / [[Another camera gets hit with red liquid.]] / [[Margaret and Roger are dressed up as Ninjas. Margaret is holding an over-sized gun.]]
/ Roger: Nice shot. And I know I didn't want you to bring any fire weapons, but you think the size of that Supersoaker is a bit overkill?
/ Margaret: But it's the smallest I have! http://crfh.net/d/20030712.html |
| College Roomies from Hell!!! Archives | [[Margaret and Roger are dressed up as ninjas.]]
/ Margaret: This is sooo lame. Let's get the rock and get out of here.
/ Roger: Wait a minute... Are those...? / [[The red light comes on as well as a siren.]]
/ Roger: Heheh! Yeah, they ARE movement detectors! Cool, all my donations have paid off!
/ Roger: Well, not in this particular case, but anyway...
/ < http://crfh.net/d/20030713.html |
| College Roomies from Hell!!! Archives | [[A camera is shot with red goop]] / [[Another camera is shot with red goop]] / [[In a dark museum stand Roger and Margaret, both dressed as ninja. Margaret is holding the world's largest water pistol.]]
/ Roger: Nice shot. And I know I didn't want you to bring any fire weapons, but don't you think the size of that Supersoaker is a bit over kill?
/ Margaret: But it's the smallest I have! http://crfh.net/d/20030714.html |
| College Roomies from Hell!!! for Tuesday, July 15, 2003 | [[Roger and Margaret, dressed as ninja, explore the dark museum]]
/ Margaret: This is SOOO lame. Let's get the rock and get out of here.
/ Roger: Wait a minute... are those...? / [[Red lights strobe. Alarms wail.]]
/ < http://crfh.net/d/20030715.html |
| College Roomies from Hell!!! for Wednesday, July 16, 2003 | [[Dark museum. Roger, dressed as a ninja, watches a security guard passing underneath him.]]
/ Roger: [[to his radio]] Yellow Dog to Brutal. Answer. Over.
/ Margaret: [[through radio]] Where are you?
/ Roger: Fluffy is not here. I think he might be in the curator's room.
/ Margaret: [[through radio]] Upstairs, huh? I'll get it.
/ Roger: There's a guard heading for the stairs. I'll distract him.
/ Margaret: [[through radio]] Roger.
/ Roger: What?
/ Margaret: [[through radio]] *groan* / [[Roger grasps his weapon and drops onto the unsuspecting guard.]] / [[The guard (Earl) has been knocked down.]]
/ Earl: [[clutching his head]] OW!!
/ Earl: Hey, are you crazy? Is that a licorice whip???
/ Roger: [[thinking]] I should never pack my ninja gear when I'm hungry... http://crfh.net/d/20030716.html |
| College Roomies from Hell!!! for Thursday, July 17, 2003 | [[Margaret, dressed like a ninja, explores the curator's room. She holds a rock as she checks it for Fluffy-ness.]]
/ Margaret: [[thinking]] There are too many rocks in here! I'm never gonna find...
/ Armed Guard: [[his gun aimed at Margaret]]: FREEZE!
/ Margaret: [[thinking]] Crap! / [[Margaret flings herself backward, tossing the rock high.]] / [[... into the room's single light fitting]]
/ < http://crfh.net/d/20030717.html |
| College Roomies from Hell!!! for Friday, July 18, 2003 | [[Margaret, dressed like a ninja, hides in the darkened curator's room. An armed guard searches for her.]]
/ Margaret: [[thinking]] Dang! Now I see Fluffy. But how do I distract the guard?
/ Margaret: [[thinking]] Aw screw it. I'll just jump on the table and be quick. / [[Margaret kicks the guard]]
/ < http://crfh.net/d/20030718.html |
| College Roomies from Hell!!! for Thursday, July 24, 2003 | [[Roger and Margaret meet on the roof. They are dressed as ninja. Margaret's outfit is covered in red blotches.]]
/ Roger: What happened to you???
/ Margaret: Damn guard put a hole through my super soaker. I have Fluffy, so let's go!
/ Roger: Cool. My arm was getting tired. Do you have any idea how hard it is to render a guy unconscious with a licorice whip?
/ Earl: [[off-panel]] Nope, still not feeling anything! http://crfh.net/d/20030724.html |
| College Roomies from Hell!!! for Friday, July 25, 2003 | April: What took you guys so long? The place is crawling with cops!
/ Roger: Licorice whip experimentation. Now let's go. / [[In the back, Margaret and Roger remove their ninja-hoods.]]
/ Margaret: Well, since we're safe, I think we can get Fluffy out now.
/ Roger: YES!!! Margaret, I owe you a really big one. Now, please...
/ Margaret: All right! Pet delivery seems to be one of my areas of expertise. / Roger: [[holding the rock Margaret rescued]] Except this is NOT FLUFFY!
/ Margaret: No? Well, it looked an awful lot like it in the darkness.
/ Roger: So? It's still an imposter! A fraud! A doppelganger!
/ Margaret: Can I keep it, then? I'm sort of fond of it, since it took a bullet for me... http://crfh.net/d/20030725.html |
| College Roomies from Hell!!! for Saturday, July 26, 2003 | [[Roger and April return to their apartment, Fluffy-less.]]
/ Roger: <<*whimper*>>
/ April: Roger, I'm sorry we couldn't get Fluffy back.
/ April: This is all my fault, and I promise you that we will find a way. / April: Maybe we could try talking to Mrs. Cerberus and maybe finding another rock to trade for Fluffy...
/ [[Roger trips over something lying in the hallway]]
/ < http://crfh.net/d/20030726.html |
| College Roomies from Hell!!! for Sunday, July 27, 2003 | April: Good-night. I'm glad you're home, Fluffy.
/ Roger: [[to Fluffy and Pepe, both of whom he is holding]] Say good-night to April, kids! / Roger: By the way... would you like Pepe to stay with you tonight?
/ April: Roger... I'm too old for plushie therapy, don't you think?
/ Roger: It's not that. Fluffy's getting a lot of attention and I don't want Pepe to feel neglected.
/ April: All right. / [[April (holding Pepe) and Roger (holding Fluffy), retire to their respective rooms, happy.]] http://crfh.net/d/20030727.html |
| College Roomies from Hell!!! for Monday, July 28, 2003 | Mike: How did it go?
/ Roger: Really bad! But at least Fluffy's back, and there's no red paint on your back seat.
/ Mike: Is there any reason there should be?
/ Roger: Eeh... no.
/ Mike: Well, what about your report?
/ Roger: No evil plans concerning you as far as I know!
/ Mike: *Phew* Good. / Roger: You're still not talking to her, are you?
/ Mike: No.
/ Roger: Well, maybe you should. I really think she's trying to get her act together.
/ Mike: Why do you think I should care?
/ Roger: I don't know. I sort of feel sorry for her.
/ Mike: I DON'T. And stop lecturing me, Roger. I have already spent my empathy supply for the year. http://crfh.net/d/20030728.html |
| College Roomies from Hell!!! for Tuesday, July 29, 2003 | [[Roger encounter Mrs. Cerberus]]
/ Roger: I DIDN'T DO IT! I didn't break into the museum!
/ Mrs. Cerberus: Why would you? You have your rock back, haven't you?
/ Roger: YES! Um, how do you know?
/ Mrs. Cerberus: I delivered it myself. / Mrs. Cerberus: Apparently the museum acquired more valuable specimens since that rock disappeared.
/ Roger: Really...
/ Mrs. Cerberus: Since your name appears in the donations database, the curator thought you could keep that one.
/ Roger: I can't believe it.
/ Mrs. Cerberus: [[leaving]] Yes, me neither. I'll see you in class, Mr. Pepitone. / Roger: [[calling after her, waving a fist]] MORE VALUABLE SPECIMENS? We have been INSULTED! I demand a freaking SECOND OPINION! http://crfh.net/d/20030729.html |
| College Roomies from Hell!!! for Wednesday, July 30, 2003 | [[Darkness.]]
/ Margaret: Dave? Are you in here?
/ Margaret: What are you doing sitting in the darkness? / Dave: Light makes me puke. Close the door.
/ Margaret: Are you sick or something?
/ Dave: No. Are you gonna beat me up?
/ Margaret: Uh?
/ Dave: The perfect revenge.
/ Margaret: Dave, what are you talking about?
/ Dave: Go away. I want to be alone. / Margaret: [[thinking]] WHAT THE... *grumble*
/ Margaret's Demonic Anti-Conscience: [[wearing a T-shirt with the legend "@#ING DIE!"]] I say you get your .45 and put him out of his misery!
/ Margaret's Angelic Conscience: Now, now. Waste of ammunition is immoral! What if you do smack him around a few times, just to make him snap out of it? http://crfh.net/d/20030730.html |
| College Roomies from Hell!!! for Thursday, July 31, 2003 | Mike: Hold it RIGHT THERE, missy.
/ April: You're talking to me???
/ Mike: Not because I want to. What do you think you're doing?
/ April: I don't know what you're talking about.
/ Mike: Stop pretending. I've seen you trying to befriend Marsha again. You're up to something.
/ April: Hey, she's gonna need all the friends she can have when she breaks up with you! / Mike: April, if you don't leave us alone, I'm gonna have to DESTROY you. You're not gonna hurt Marsha and walk away on your two feet.
/ April: Who said I'm gonna hurt Marsha? I just found out she's cooking again... how long do you think you can stand it? You'll have to tell her that she stinks sooner or later...
/ Mike: What the hell is the matter with you???
/ April: And when you do, she's gonna dump you. Face it, Mike... your relationship is as strong as a house of CARDS. / Mike: You can talk until your tongue falls off, and it still won't make a difference.
/ April: If you're so SURE about your love, why don't you just do it? Why do you have to lie?
/ Mike: I am SO SURE, I believe that I don't have to prove a damn thing to you.
/ April: I see! You're afraid. Well, I guess I'll just have to sit back and watch the whole thing collapse. / April: And you don't have to worry about me. I don't need to sabotage your relationship, Mike... you guys are holding it with pins and chewing gum.
/ April: See you guys at the HeartBreak Motel! http://crfh.net/d/20030731.html |
| College Roomies from Hell!!! Archives | [[Mike lies face down on the couch, his stomach hurting]]
/ Blue: If you feel sick, why don't you go to the doctor?
/ Mike: It's just a stomach ache!
/ Blue: But it could be something serious! Like your appendix...
/ Mike: Naw, just something I ate. We college students eat a lot of crap. / Blue: Yeah, right. The way you are, you will simply ignore your pain, until your body collapses and you land in the ER. No, thanks.
/ Mike: Blue, I'm not a little kid. I can take care of myself, you know.
/ Blue: I'm gonna call a doctor for you.
/ Mike: Hey, did you hear that? It sounded like Dave calling out your name! / Blue: Really??? WHEEEE! I'm out of here!
/ Mike: [[thinking]] A little bit TOO easy, really... http://crfh.net/d/20030801.html |
| College Roomies from Hell!!! for Saturday, August 2, 2003 | [[Blue enters the room, flicking on the lights]]
/ Blue: Dave? What are you doing sitting here in the darkness...
/ < http://crfh.net/d/20030802.html |
| College Roomies from Hell!!! for Sunday, August 3, 2003 | [[Blue sits on the bed beside Dave, who still covers his eyes with his arm]]
/ Blue: I turned off the lights. Now put your arm down, I want to look at you.
/ Dave: There's still light out there. I can feel it crawling up my skin.
/ Blue: If you don't put your arm down I'm gonna GLUE the switch on.
/ Dave: Dammit! This is blackmail! Why don't you people mind your own business? / [[Dave lowers his arm]]
/ Blue: I'm sorry, but you are SO my business. What happened to you?
/ Dave: Nothing. I just haven't slept at all lately.
/ Blue: Why???
/ Dave: I have nightmares. I wake up as soon as I fall asleep.
/ Blue: Why don't you take a sleep pill?
/ Dave: They make me sick. Now, since you can't help me... / Blue: You think you're getting rid of me so easily? Hell no! I'm gonna make you relax or ELSE!
/ [[Blue starts rubbing his shoulders]]
/ Dave: OOW! OOW! Wait, that HURTS!
/ Blue: Of course it hurts! You're full of knots!
/ Dave: But do you need to *OW* KILL me in the process...? Nngh... / Dave: NNnmmmmmmmhhhh... *siiigh*
/ Blue: Well? Do you still think I should leave?
/ Dave: [[relaxing at last]] Maybe. A little closer to the neck, please? http://crfh.net/d/20030803.html |
| College Roomies from Hell!!! Archives | [[Blue and Dave, sitting on the bed. Blue massages Dave's shoulders.]]
/ Blue: You are STILL too tense!
/ Dave: I know. I have tried everything...
/ Blue: What are your nightmares about?
/ Dave: Big pink monsters... staring at me.
/ Blue: Mh, that doesn't make any sense!
/ Dave: ... yeah. / Dave: I don't want to be rude, but I think you should leave. It could be dangerous. I lose control...
/ Blue: I DO know an Indian method for relaxation... but I don't know if you'd want to...
/ Dave: Does it hurt a lot?
/ Blue: No, not really.
/ Dave: At this point, I'll try ANYTHING. / [[Blue and Dave are both naked in his bed. He is sleeping, using her chest as a pillow.]]
/ Blue: [[thinking]] It always works.
/ Dave: ZzZzzzzzzzzzzz http://crfh.net/d/20030804.html |
| College Roomies from Hell!!! for Tuesday, August 5, 2003 | Mike: Um, Marsha? Can I ask you something?
/ Marsha: Sure! What's the matter?
/ Mike: Well, I was thinking... what if I did something because it's the right thing, but it hurt you... would you forgive me, or you know...?
/ Mike: DUMP me? / Marsha: Mike... why do you worry about something like that?
/ Mike: It's just... a hypothetical question.
/ Marsha: But it's SILLY! I mean, you would never hurt me. I just know you wouldn't.
/ Mike: Well... yeah. You're right about that. / Marsha: Speaking of silly questions, why are you clutching that teddy bear like that?
/ [[We can see that, yes indeed, Mike is clutching a teddy bear to disguise his stomach ache.]]
/ Mike: Uh... everybody knows I love teddy bears...
/ Marsha: Pssch! Yeah, right!
/ Mike: All right, so I'm just a big perv... http://crfh.net/d/20030805.html |
| College Roomies from Hell!!! for Wednesday, August 6, 2003 | [[Dave's eye pops open. He is in bed. Blue lies next to him, reading.]]
/ < http://crfh.net/d/20030806.html |
| College Roomies from Hell!!! for Thursday, August 7, 2003 | [[Dave and Blue are naked in Dave's bed.]]
/ Dave: [[panicking]] It isn't a dream. Oh God, help me...
/ Blue: Hey... don't tell me you're having second thoughts NOW.
/ Dave: I never had any first thoughts! I was OUT of it!
/ Blue: So you didn't want to? Why did you say yes then?
/ Dave: I... I don't remember.
/ Blue: You certainly enjoyed it... so why are you not happy? / Dave: Are you crazy? This is a catastrophe!
/ Blue: Well, that IS nice, thank you.
/ Dave: But Mike is gonna kill me! And your mom is gonna kill me AGAIN!
/ Blue: Forget about them! You're just looking for an excuse to be unhappy, aren't you?
/ Dave: What? I'm NOT! Uh, I... / Dave: Besides, how am I gonna tell...
/ Dave: Margaret!
/ [[The bedroom door opens ominously...]]
/ < http://crfh.net/d/20030807.html |
| College Roomies from Hell!!! for Friday, August 8, 2003 | [[Dave and Blue are in bed, and Margaret has walked in on them]]
/ Dave: Wait! Margaret, I can explain!
/ Margaret: Explain what? Heh. About time, you two.
/ Margaret: But next time, close the door, ok? / < http://crfh.net/d/20030808.html |
| College Roomies from Hell!!! Archives | [[Dave asleep in Bed, Blue tucking him in]]
/ Blue: [[thinking]] I really wish I could stay, but I have to go now.
/ Blue: [[thinking]] Sleep well, Green Eyes... / [[Back in the main rooms of the house; Mike and Blue are talking]]
/ Mike: Where have you been?
/ Blue: Heheh! I was with Dave. Time flies when you have fun, and all that.
/ Mike: Hum! I'm starting to feel neglected. I wanted to talk to you about something.
/ Blue: Well, we still have a little while...
/ Mike: Nah, I have to take a shower. Then I'll take you to the station. / [[Blue notices a cake on the table, dips her finger in the frosting]]
/ Blue: [[thinking]] OoOOOh! Obviously fattening, tasty looking CAKE! / [[Entrance to the emergency room at a hospital: Mike is carrying an unconscious Blue]]
/ Mike: Someone help me! She's DYING! http://crfh.net/d/20030809.html |
| College Roomies from Hell!!! for Sunday, August 10, 2003 | [[Blue is in a hospital bed; Mike sits beside it]]
/ Mike: God. Blue, I'm so sorry...
/ Blue: Hey, hey. It's not your fault.
/ Mike: It IS. I should tell her...
/ Blue: Look, don't worry about me. I'll be fine.
/ Blue: But what about you? You're stuck eating the food she makes. / Mike: I'd eaten molten lava for her. I can take it... but if someone gets seriously sick because of her food and she finds out, she's gonna get into one of her psychotic all-my-fault depressions.
/ Blue: And if you tell her, you're gonna shatter her dreams.
/ Mike: What am I supposed to do? I don't want to hurt her... / Blue: Well, maybe if you told her nicely...
/ Mike: Are you AWARE of who you're speaking with?
/ Blue: All right, so tell it like it is. It's probably the only way she'd ever believe it.
/ Mike: Why are you girls so complicated?
/ Blue: Hey, don't get me started. http://crfh.net/d/20030810.html |
| College Roomies from Hell!!! for Monday, August 11, 2003 | [[A semi-awake Dave wanders past a reading Margaret]]
/ Dave: What time is it?
/ Margaret: Noon.
/ Dave: NOON? That doesn't make any sense.
/ Margaret: Sunday.
/ Dave: Oh. So that's why I'm starving.
/ Margaret: There's some pizza leftovers. Help yourself. / [[Dave tucks into some pizza]]
/ Dave: You're not even a little angry at me?
/ Margaret: Uh? I don't expect you to do dishwasher duty while unconscious.
/ Dave: Not THAT. Because I betrayed my undying love for you by sleeping with another girl.
/ Margaret: Actually, it was me who called Blue. I knew she'd know how to help you.
/ Dave: She did. But do you prefer to call someone who lives four hours from here than talking to me yourself?
/ Margaret: You have cheese on your eyebrow. http://crfh.net/d/20030811.html |
| College Roomies from Hell!!! for Tuesday, August 12, 2003 | Margaret: All this happened because I sleep naked??? Why the hell didn't you just say so?
/ Dave: You're missing the point. You're naked under your clothes right now...
/ Margaret: Now you're sounding LOONY!
/ Dave: It's YOU, Margaret. This is all my fault.
/ Dave: This happened because I refused to believe the ridiculous amount of power you have over me. / Dave: It's the way you move, and the way you talk. You're starting to become some sort of torture machine for me. You're KILLING me.
/ Margaret: So what the hell can I do?
/ Dave: NOTHING. Margaret, it's me who needs to do something. I'm like a guy who can't stop staring at his burned-down house.
/ Dave: I need to move on. If I don't, I'm gonna start hating you. I don't want that to happen. / Dave: That's why I can't be your roommate anymore.
/ Dave: If you need me, I'll be next door. http://crfh.net/d/20030812.html |
| College Roomies from Hell!!! Archives | [[Angry Dave approaches a despondent Mike]]
/ Dave: Hey you! Yes, you, the tentacle freak!
/ Dave: I'm here to tell you that I'm moving back in, and that you can't stop me!
/ Dave: I've cut you and Marsha some slack, but THAT IS IT! / Dave: And before you start with all the trick-talk, I warn you that my determination is infinite!
/ Dave: So don't make me unleash some good ol' Jones pa-wah on your ass! / Mike: Sure, Dave. Why the hell not.
/ Dave: Just like that? Then why did I bother making Power Point slides? / {{storyline: Sticky}} http://crfh.net/d/20030813.html |
| College Roomies from Hell!!! Archives | [[Mike is depressed]]
/ Mike: Go away, Dave.
/ Dave: What's the matter with you? Oh, wait... Is this because I beat you up?
/ Mike: What?
/ Dave: I don't get it. You and I are always killing each other... but geez, if it's so important, then I'm sorry. There.
/ Mike: You beat me up.
/ Dave: I KNOW! Damn, it's not my fault I become such a beast when I'm sleep deprived... / Mike: [[Breaks up laughing]] YOU! When you're sleep...! Hah! GOOD ONE!
/ Dave: OH! You mean I didn't? I thought...
/ Mike: YOU??? HAHAH! HAHAAAHAHA!
/ Dave: Oh well. Then is it because I banged your little sister? http://crfh.net/d/20030814.html |
| College Roomies from Hell!!! Archives | Mike: [[getting to his feet]] WWWHAT?
/ Dave: Uh... bad choice of words. I mean, you SHOULDN'T think I banged her. We...
/ Mike: I am going to [[obscured]] KILL YOU.
/ Dave: Wait, Mike. She said she'd tell you, and that you would understand. / Mike: Do you love her?
/ Dave: Yes! No. Uh...
/ Mike: It's a simple question, man. Just answer it.
/ Dave: I don't know! I mean, I'm still trying to get over Margaret, but I definitely... / Mike: Come HERE, Dave! I'm gonna kill you, but don't worry, I'll make you wish you were DEAD first!
/ Dave: Hey, but I ALREADY got killed for this! UNFAIR!!! http://crfh.net/d/20030815.html |
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