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[[Classroom]] / Marsha: I'm glad you made it to the final, Mike... but aren't you in some major trouble now? / Mike: Mmh. Maybe. But after all, my blood test should testify I was not DUI. / Mike: Maybe I should sue someone for sticking me in an insecure cell with less than solid walls... / April: Heh. Did you really bust out of jail? I can't imagine it... / Roger: Well, April. It's like I've always said... momentum is your little friend... / Dave: Say, Margaret... Do you remember anything about last night? / Margaret: Blank. April says we were tickling each other. They're obviously pulling our legs. / Dave: Yeah, that's what I thought too. / {{Part of the "The F Word" storyline}} |
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[[Eddie's Apartment]] / Mike: Hey Eddie. It's Mike. Remember your date with Sexy Blondie Wonder? / Eddie: Mmh. Mike, do you know what time it IS? / Mike: Yep. Time to get ready for it. / Eddie: What? RIGHT NOW??? / Mike: It's never too early for some sugar, right? Heheheheh... / Eddie: But I...! / Phone: *click* / Door: knock knock / Roger: Okay, first let's et the rules. I never smooch on the first date, and even less on a geology date, and even less with a guy. I'm not into guys. Second, we have to guess the approximate age (give or take a million years) of our favorite rocks. The loser pays for lunch and museum tickets. / Eddie: BTAF! / {{Part of the "The F Word" storyline}} |
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[[Boys' Apartment]] / Roger: So you finally woke up... / Dave: Yeah. I slept for 16 hours, but I recovered by long-term memory / Dave: What's that thing? / Roger: It's a mechanical arm for Mike. He's going home soon and he doesn't want the Ultimate Evil to know about his tentacle. / Dave: Why? / Roger: Because the Ultimate Evil is gonna... / Dave: No, I mean, why are YOU making it? / Roger: Dunno. Just occurred to me. / Dave: Did you hypnotize him again, Mike? / Mike: Man, is accusing me of stuff your new hobby or something??? NO! / {{Part of the "Holidays" storyline}} |
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[[Boys' Apartment]] / Dave: You DID hypnotize him! You have a pocket watch right there! / Mike: Pfft! It goes to show you how paranoid you are. This is NOT a pocket watch! / Dave: It IS, too! / Mike: It's NOT! Does this LOOK like a pocket watch to you? Huh? / Dave: Stop wriggling it around, I can't... / Mike: Believe me, man, this is not a pocket watch! / Dave: Mmh. For a moment it looked like... / Mike: You look kind of thirsty... / Dave: Now that you mention it, I AM. / Mike: Since you're going to the kitchen can you fetch me a soda too? / Dave: Sure. Hey, why are you smiling? / Mike: I'm not smiling. / Dave: Right. / {{Part of the "Holidays" storyline}} |
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[[Girls' Apartment]] / Marsha: Woooo! I'm going home soon! Yeah! / April: Wow, you really look forward to it. / Marsha: Of course I do! You should too! / April: Nah, I'm staying. My parents are gonna be traveling, and sometimes I just don't fit in... / Marsha: Aw. Now I feel bad... / April: Why? Margaret's staying too, so we're gonna make slumber parties and decorate and have movie marathons... / Marsha: Now I feel worse... I'm gonna miss all the fun! / {{Part of the "Holidays" storyline}} |
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[[Boys' Apartment]] / Mike: Yesss! It's ready! / Roger: Yup. Try it on. The sensors are aligned with your suction cups for control. / Mike: It looks very good. Now the only thing I need is a latex glove. / Roger: Try closing your fist. / Mike: Wow! This damn thing is GREAT, Roger! / Roger: Do I rock or what? Now try opening your hand. / Roger: Do you know what works better than hypnosis on me? MONEY. / Mike: Mmmph. / {{Part of the "Holidays" storyline}} |
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[[Boys' Apartment]] / Marsha: It looks very good, Mike. / Mike: Yeah, but it's very hard to control it. I guess I'll have to keep it hidden most of the time. / Marsha: Pfft. What's the matter with you, Mike? You're never this negative. / Mike: I guess I'm kind of depressed... / Marsha: Why do you say that, honey? / Mike: I don't know. Maybe because you won't be around. I'm gonna miss you... / Marsha: Aaw. I'm gonna miss you too, but it's only for a few weeks. / Mike: Besides, my Mom is gonna make me sing Christmas carols around the neighborhood just like every year. / Marsha: Sucks to be you. / {{Part of the "Holidays" storyline}} |
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[[Girls' Apartment]] / Marsha: Well, this is it, girls. I'll see you next year... have a great time! / April: You too! Cook a lot, because we're still not letting you put a foot inside the kitchen! / Margaret: Yes, happy holidays, and thank your parents for getting a major pest away from us! / Marsha: BWAAAAAAAAAAH! gonna *sob* miss you *sob sob* / Margaret: April, please tell me you're not gonna do the same when you leave. / April: I'm not leaving. / Margaret: Oh DAMN... / {{Part of the "Holidays" storyline}} |
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[[Girls' Apartment]] / Margaret: Sooo... why are you not going home? I know I would... / April: It's kind of complicated... / Margaret: You don't want to tell me, do you? / April: Not really. / Margaret: April's got a SE-cret! April's got a SEEEEcret! / April: Oh yeah? Margaret wants me to go home so she can be alone with DAAAVE! / April: You realize there's no one here, besides us, right? / Margaret: Right. It's definitely not the same without Marsha. / April: I bet she would have taken my side. / Margaret: You WISH. / {{Part of the "Holidays" storyline}} |
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[[Boys' Apartment]] / Mike: Rejoice, losers! I'm out of here! / Dave: Good! Now I can have my happiness seizure... / Roger: C'mon guys. Stop acting macho and admit your true feelings. / Roger: We ARE good friends... we ARE gonna miss each other, and when something funny happens to us, we're gonna think "Boy, I wish my roommates were here..." / Dave, Mike, Roger: BWAHAAAAAAHAHAHA! / {{Part of the "Holidays" storyline}} |
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[[Mike's Garden]] / Mike: *sigh* / {{Part of the "Holidays" storyline}} |
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[[Mike's Garden]] / Blue: !!! / Blue: HEEY!!! / Blue: How are you??? I'm so happy to see you! / Mike: What, Mom's been giving you all the punishment reserved for me? / Blue: Exactly! / {{Part of the "Holidays" storyline}} |
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[[Boys' Apartment]] / Dave: YESSSSSS!!! Semester's over, Mike is soooo far away... I can finally relax... / Roger: Relax??? Are you kidding? This is a very stressing time of the year. What about Christmas shopping, greeting postcards, and such? / Dave: When are YOU going home? / Roger: Eeyep. Nobody likes people who speak the truth. / {{Part of the "Holidays" storyline}} |
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[[Street]] / Roger: Aaah. This is the life... not a worry in the world, and we can spend all day together if we feel like it... / Diana: Yes... at least till tomorrow night. / Roger: But I thought you were gonna stay a few more days! / Diana: Roger... I want to spend as much time as I can with my dad. You never know... / Roger: Oh. Okay. But you could lose me any of these days too, you know... / Diana: Don't be silly. What could happen to you? / Roger: Uh. I can't tell you. / Diana: Aw, you know you can tell me anything... / Roger: I'm not ready to tell you yet... Incidentally, do you like cats or dogs? / Diana: Dogs, I guess. / Roger: Marry me. / {{Part of the "Holidays" storyline}} |
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[[Girls' Apartment]] / Dave: So, what are you girls doing today? / April: We're gonna look for a small Christmas tree to decorate. Want to tag along? / Margaret: I want a Christmas CACTUS! / Dave: I suppose that'd be nice. I mean, it's not like I'm gonna have my own tree this year. / Margaret: You're not going home for Christmas? God, what is wrong with you people? If I had a home to go to... / Dave: It's not that... I just can't afford it. / April: You didn't know??? Geez, get with the program! / Margaret: What about Roger and Mike? / April: Mike already LEFT! / Margaret: Uuh. So that's why he was bungee-jumping with luggage... / {{Part of the "Holidays" storyline}} |
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[[Marsha's House]] / Marsha: OoOoOooOooOoOooOoOoOhhh!!! What are you doing? What? / Marsha's Dad: Uuh... just a boring salad, honey... / Marsha: Let me HELP! / Marsha's Dad: Eh, thank you, but I'm almost done! / Marsha: Please? / Marsha's Dad: Well... / Marsha: Pretty pleeeeease??? / Marsha's Dad: I... I suppose... / Marsha's Mom: Ooh Marsha? Have you seen the new spice grinder? I'll let you hold it if you stop hypnotizing your father... / Marsha: EEEEEEEEEE! / {{Part of the "Holidays" storyline}} |
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[[Street]] / Margaret: Okay! The first thing on our list is a huge spikey CACTUS! / April: Margaret, we're getting a TREE. Ooh, look at THAT one! / Margaret: That's what I said. A cactus. / April: Tree! / Margaret: Okay, okay. A cactus it is, then... / {{Part of the "Holidays" storyline}} |
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[[Christmas Tree Store]] / Dave: Whoa. Look at these prices. It seems like we're gonna have to get that Christmas cactus after all. / Margaret: No WAY. I saw Mary-Ann buying a cactus at the other store. / Dave: Again with the Mary-Ann thing? Boy, you really... / April: I FOUND ONE! / April: There's only one liiiitle problem... / Margaret: It's UPSIDE DOWN! / Dave: For that price, I'll walk on my hands around it and pretend the rest of the room is wrong. / {{Part of the "Holidays" storyline}} |
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[[Girls' Apartment]] / Dave: Helium and balloons! / Margaret: Aw. Now THIS is an upside-down Christmas Tree! / April: It's so... so US! / {{Part of the "Holidays" storyline}} |
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[[Mike's Garden]] / Mike: Expresso! Did you miss me? He looks to be in good shape. / Blue: Of course he missed you... he was sad for two weeks. He only felt better after he ate a jar of cookies. By the way, how did you do last night? / Mike: Last night? / Blue: Yeah, your little "chat" with Mom... / Mike: Ugly beyond comprehension. / Blue: Wow. What did you do this time? / Mike: Don't you know? I commited the horrible crime of running away where she can't follow me and pull my leash every time she feels like it, and surviving without her money... / Blue: Oh. THAT. / {{Part of the "Holidays" storyline}} |
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[[Mike's Garden]] / Blue: Soooo... are you gonna be a good brother and give me Dave's phone number so I can wish him a sex... um, Merry Christmas? / Mike: But you already have it! / Blue: Surely he didn't stay in your stinking apartment for the holidays... / Mike: Well, yeah. I don't think he could pay for the trip home. / Blue: What??? You fool! If he's gonna spend the holidays alone there, why the hell didn't you invite him over? / Mike: Oh, good idea. Maybe if I sacrificed him to Magnus Draconis she would leave ME alone. / Blue: Who CARES about Mom, Mike? He would be HERE with ME! / Mike: Do you really think that'd make him fall for you? / Blue: It would be at least a START. / Mike: Blue, Dave's nuts about Margaret. You know that, right? You should forget about him, really. / Blue: Are you saying I should give up? You underestimate me, bro. / Mike: Oh no, I think you're gonna get exactly what you want. I'm just wondering how many casualties that'll bring... / {{Part of the "Holidays" storyline}} |
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[[Boys' Apartment]] / Dave: We're having a Marx Brothers movie marathon in a while. Want to join us? / Roger: Ah gee, I can't. I'm leaving tonight and I have to deliver a Christmas gift first. / Dave: What kind of gift? / Roger: You know, the usual Christmassy stuff. Let's see... a framed pic of my dad and sister, a chew toy and fast food. / Dave: I see. I'd go with you, but I'm afraid your mother doesn't like me since I zapped her because she was trying to eat Margaret. / Roger: Aw, she DOES like you. She'd probably like you better with chili sause and a side order of french fries, though. / {{Part of the "Holidays" storyline}} |
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[[Girls' Apartment]] / Roger: Well, I'm off. I'll see you guys after the holidays. By the way, they delivered this a while ago... I think it's from your parents. / Dave: Neat, thanks! Probably a card... / Dave: Uuh? Whoa! What...? / Margaret: Well, well. Looks like someone's either buying us all very expensive presents or going home for Christmas after all! / {{Part of the "Holidays" storyline}} |
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[[Girls' Apartment]] / Dave: Wow. This is so... unexpected... And we, we already had plans. / Margaret: Plans? Don't make me laugh. All we'll have will be pathetic attempts to forget that everybody out there is going home, while we sit and eat trkey sandwiches and pretend it's a Christmas dinner... / April: HEY! / Margaret: Sorry. Dave, I thought you wanted to go home. / Dave: I do. I REALLY do... but... if you want me to stay... / Margaret: And why the hell would I want you to do that??? Go home and enjoy your family while you still can. They won't be around forever... and you can see our ugly faces for the rest of the year anyway. / April: HEY!!! / {{Part of the "Holidays" storyline}} |
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[[Girls' Apartment]] / Dave: Well, this is it. Say, can you take care of Chester while I'm gone? Now that I think about it, my mom doesn't like pets... / Margaret: Sure! / Dave: *sigh* This is... harder than I thought. I wish there was a way we could spend the holidays together... Are you sure you don't want to come with me? We'd have fun... / Margaret: Mmh. No, thanks. I'm not a very social person. / Dave: You could *try*. / Margaret: Why do you have to make a big soap opera out of this? You're only leaving for a few days. Stop being so sentimental! / Dave: It wouldn't kill YOU to get sentimental once in a while, Margaret. / Margaret: Wrong. If I got sentimental at this time of year, I'd probably end up killing myself. / Dave: Geez. I'm sorry. Forget I said anything... / Margaret: I'm sorry too. It's not your fault, either. Merry Christmas. / Dave: Merry Christmas to you too. / April: Are you people blind??? There was a bad drawing of a mistletoe hanging just above you! / Margaret: Oh, that? I thought it was marihuana... / {{Part of the "Holidays" storyline}} |
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[[Boys' Apartment]] / Marsha: Merry Christmas Mike. / Mike: Awww thanks sweetie / T-shirt: Property of Marsha Hart / Mike: Ooooh goodie. / Marsha: I even got you matching undies. / {{Part of the "Guest Strips" storyline}} |
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[[Marsha's House]] / Marsha: Ooh! I love this tree! Where'd you get it Daddy? It smells so fresh! / Marsha's Dad: I didn't feel like paying the outrageous dealer prices this year so I got it straight from the woods. / Marsha's Mom: Honey, where's the .22? The "Snow White" syndrome is acting up again. / Marsha: I will not kill my father. It would be wrong to kill him... / {{Part of the "Guest Strips" storyline}} |
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[[Girls' Apartment]] / Dave: I'm going out. You want to join me? / April: Nah... I just got a tape in and fresh cup of coffee... / Dave: Uh... I was going out to stretch my legs. You want to join me? / Margaret: Sure! Let me get my coat. Coming? / Dave: Right behind you! / {{Part of the "Guest Strips" storyline}} |
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[[Outside]] / Margaret: Must have snowed... / Dave: Yeah. / Margaret: Dave, why do you keep bothering? / Dave: Because I love you. I always have. / Margaret: But why? / Dave: Does it matter? / Margaret: To me it does... / Margaret: You've been killed. / Dave: I came back... / Margaret: Beaten by Mike. / Dave: It was a misunderstanding... / Margaret: Gored by a bull. / Dave: It was confused. / Margaret: Almost drowned. / Dave: I was trying to save you. / Margaret: And the fever? / Dave: You saved me. / {{Part of the "Guest Strips" storyline}} |
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[[Outside]] / Margaret: It's not a cactus but it is rather pretty. / Dave: Yeah... but few things in the world are prettier than you. Merry Christmas, Margaret. / Margaret: Merry Christmas Dave. / {{Part of the "Guest Strips" storyline}} |
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