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[[Boys' Apartment]] / Dave: Gaaaah! This... this movie is freaking me out! / Mike: You are kidding me... it's Ace Ventura! What's so horrible about Ace Ventura? / Dave: I don't know! Jim Carrey, maybe? I'm SO outta here! / Dave: Uh??? I stopped watching the movie, and I'm STILL terrifyed... that means... / Dave: Chester's in danger! You gotta help me find him, man!!! / Roger: Gee, what a nut! I mean, I'd love to, but I just saw Mike in his underwear, and I have to wait for my six pizzas to arrive... / {{Part of the "COTC meets CRFH" storyline}}
[[Boys' Apartment]] / Roger: Mmmh! Finally! I'm starving! / Zombie: What? No tip? / Roger: Yeeek!!! / Zombie: You are SOOOO going to hell for this... / Roger: Uuh... do you think you could bring six more with extra cheese? / {{Part of the "COTC meets CRFH" storyline}}
[[Boys' Apartment]] / Roger: HELP! HELP! The zombies got meeeee! / Dave: Chester's not here, either! Oh, wait a minute... / Roger: There are hundreds! Millions! Waaaaaaaah! Somebody help meee! / Dave: YOU! Get up! You're sitting on my cat! / Mike: What??? I'm NOT! / Dave: I don't care! Get up and hellp me find it, dammit! / Dave: Roger! How am I supposed to have my nervous breakdown while you're screaming about zombies and stuff? / Roger: GAAAAAAAAAH! Sorreeee! / Mike: And people wonder why it takes so little to make me snap. / {{Part of the "COTC meets CRFH" storyline}}
[[Girls' Apartment]] / Marsha: I'm sorry, but we've looked everywhere and Chester's just not here... Why are you so worried anyway? / Dave: Look, it may sound strange, but I KNOW something bad's happening to him... / Margaret: Maybe April has seen it. Right now she's at the laundromat... / Mike: Missing cat! Someone call the FBI!!! / Dave: Oh no! Chester likes to sleep in the basket! I bet April threw him into the laundry machine! / Mike: Aw, you were worried about THAT? It needed a bath anyway, and it sounds like a whole lot of happy bubblin' fun... / Marsha: Mike... / Margaret: I'm gonna get my guns. Laundromats are always full of freaks. / {{Part of the "COTC meets CRFH" storyline}}
[[Laundromat]] / Mike: Brrr. What a creepy, depressing place. / Marsha: Looks like something DID happen here... / Margaret: Maybe she was kidnapped by the laundromat freaks... / Dave: Whatever it was, I bet it wasn't good, and... whoa, deja vu! / Mike: "Whoa, deja vu!" what? / Dave: Whoa, deja vu, THAT. / Mike: It's just a door. What about it? / Dave: They went that way. I'm sure... / Mike: You're sure??? You're speaking like a damn freakin' psychic! How do you know...? / Marsha: Hey! Dave, wait! / Margaret: Where are you going? / Mike: I'm telling you, he's totally lost it... / Margaret: Just great. Now we're gonna have to go after him. / Mike: Not ME! I've had it with all the crazy stuff! / Marsha: Yes you are! After all you were the one who pummeled the sanity outta him! / Mike: Why don't you blame me for the oil shortage while you're at it, too? / {{Part of the "COTC meets CRFH" storyline}}
 
[[Caves]] / Chester: sniff sniff / Sebastian: Do you mind? I don't think we've even been properly introduced, and you're already sniffing my butt. / Sebastian: SIGH. I FINALLY GET RID OF THAT SO CALLED CERBERUS AND GET COMPLETELY LOST IN THE PROCESS. AND NOW YOU AND YOUR WELCOME. / Chester: WEOWW! / Sebastian: I DON'T SUPPOSE THAT YOU KNOW THE WAY OUT... NO I DIDN'T THINK SO. / Chester: REOW? / Sebastian: I SENSE THAT YOU HAVE LOST SOMEONE TOO. PERHAPS IT WOULD BE WISE IF WE WERE TO EXPLORE THESE CAVES TOGETHER. / Chester: MREOW. / Sebastian: YOU ARE NOT A NORMAL CAT ARE YOU? / Chester: REOW?! / {{Part of the "COTC meets CRFH" storyline}}
[[Caves]] / Dave: CHESTER! CHES - OOWW!!! / Margaret: Stop running! Are you nuts or what? / Mike: He's not nuts. He's just an idiot! / Marsha: Waaah! Wait for me! / Marsha: Dave! Are you okay? / Margaret: Where the heck did he go? / Mike: Bah. I bet he ran into a wall and knocked himself o- / Sound: THUD! / Mike: WHOA! / Margaret: AAARGH! / Mike: You know what movie got great reviews? "I warned my friends there was a hole in the ground". And you know what movie got lousy reviews? "I DIDN'T warn my friends..." / Dave: Ugh. Sorry. I banged my hand and couldn't even speak for a moment there... / Margaret: SHHHH!!! I don't know where we are, but I know one thing... / Zombie: bgrlllgl.... / Zombie: *groan* / Margaret: We're NOT alone. / Mike: Doesn't sound like the happy bubblin' kinda fun, either... / Zombie: gaaaa / Jubal: WHAT WAS THAT GIZM-OOOO WHOA! / Jubal: THAT WAS A TRIP. / Jacob: THIS GIZMO IS MY POCKET GRIMOIRE. IT CAN CAST VERY SIMPLE SPELLS AND DETECT SOME ENTITIES SUCH AS ZOMBIES. IT CAN ALSO E-MAIL AND FAX. / Jubal: UM, WHY ARE WE IN A COIN LAUNDRY? / Jacob: I'M NOT SURE... BUT WAIT! IT'S DETECTING SOMETHING AT THAT DOOR! / Jubal: YOU MEAN THE DOOR WITH THE ZOMBIE STANDING IN FRONT OF IT? / Jacob: YES, THE UM, DOOR WITH THE, UM... OH HELL WITH IT! / {{Part of the "COTC meets CRFH" storyline}}
[[Caves]] / Margaret: All right, on the count of three... Dave, you blast the ones on the right side, I'll take the left side. Marsha and Mike watch our backs... / Dave: You're asking me to kill people in cold blood??? / Marsha: Hurry up! They're getting closer! / Margaret: I don't know what they are, but they're definitely not people. So, ready? One, two... / Dave: Whoa! They're people after all! Only they're DEAD! / Zombie: FWOMP! / Margaret: BANG BANG / Mike: Eeew. I wish they were vampires. They're less messy... / Dave: ZAP / Margaret: Mmmh. VERY impressive, Dave. / Dave: Uhh... do you really think so? / Mike: Cut it out! Libido later, dammit! / Marsha: DIE, ZOMBIE! DIEEEEE!!! / Jubal: NAILED THAT BRAIN SUCKER! / Jacob: UH... SPEAKING OF BRAINS / Roomies: LOOK! DO YOU HEAR SOMETHING?! / Jacob: AHA! LOOKS LIKE WE HAVE MORE ZOMBIES! / Jacob: AND THAT ONE HAS A TENTACLE!! / {{Part of the "COTC meets CRFH" storyline}}
[[Caves]] / Mike: Marsha babe... don't you think that zombie is already dead? / Marsha: Sure! He was dead when he tried to strangle me, too! / Dave: More zombies! Look out! / Jubal: WHOA! / Jacob: I think I need to read more books about zombies... I didn't know they could do that! / Mike: Oh, he's not a zombie... just a freak! / Dave: Look who's talking, tentacle boy... / Jubal: W-W-W-WHOA THERE CYCLOPS! / Margaret: OKAY! WHO ARE YOU! / Jacob: WE APOLOGIZE FOR THE CONFUSION. ZOMBIES WE ARE NOT. / Jubal: WELL, I'M NOT ONE AFTER 11:00 AM. / Dave: HAVE YOU SEEN MY CAT!! / Jubal: HEY! ANOTHER CAT LOSTER, HOW ABOUT THAT. / {{Part of the "COTC meets CRFH" storyline}}
[[Caves]] / Jubal: So the zombies kidnapped Chelsea and we followed them here. / Jacob: And the same thing happened to your friend? Quite a coincidence... / Dave: Maybe it means something. By the way, my name is Dave. And they're Mike, Margaret and Marsha. / Mike, Margaret: Harumph! / Marsha: Hey. / Jubal: Jubal. / Jacob: Jacob. / Mike: Wait a minute... how do we know we can trust these guys? How do you know they didn't kidnap April? Huh? / Dave: Why, because of the un-deja vu feeling! / Mike: So, we're supposed to trust them because you've never seen them in your life? / Dave: Exactly! / Mike: Your logic always amazes me, Mr. Spock. / Jubal: Sorry to interrupt, B movie characters... aren't we supposed to be looking for our cats? I mean, girls? / Jacob: I SUGGEST, THAT SINCE WE SEEM TO HAVE COMMON GOALS, WE ALL BAND TOGETHER IN OUR QUEST. / Margaret: HEY! WHO'S BRAIN EXPLODED AND MADE YOU LEADER? / Mike: I'M NOT AFRAID TO USE THIS! / Jubal: FOR WHAT? PRACTICING PROCTOLOGY? / Dave: CHESTER IS THIS WAY!! / Jubal: GOOD, WE GET TO FOLLOW THE NICE ONE. / {{Part of the "COTC meets CRFH" storyline}}
 
[[Caves]] / Sebastian: Look at that stupid mutt. He thinks he's so hot just because he has two heads. Well, if we want to get in, we'll have to figure some way to get rid of him... any ideas? / Chester: Mmmh... mrooow? / Sebastian: Preferably one that doesn't imply you entering safely while he's distracted shredding me apart! / Chester: Meow / Sebastian: Mmph. Whoever said two heads are better than one... / Sebastian: Mmh. You know what? You gave me an idea after all. I hope you can run REALLY fast... / Chester: *gulp* / Sebastian: ... OUR FAUX CERBERUS... ALTHOUGH JUST AS DANGEROUS AS THE REAL ONE, LET ME TELL YOU,... BUT I DIGRESS. / Sebastian: ARE YOU READY! YOU UNDERSTAND THE PLAN?! / Chester: REOW!! / Sebastian: GOOD! / Sebastian: TOUCH NOT THE CAT, BUT A GLOVE!! / Sebastian: ... AND WE DAMN WELL BETTER GET REAL TUNA FROM NOW ON!!! / Chester: RRREOW! / {{Part of the "COTC meets CRFH" storyline}}
[[Caves]] / Sebastian: Ooof! Run faster! And remember, you jump to the right, I'll jump to the left! Aaaand... / Sebastian: NOW! / Cerberus: BONK! / Sebastian: Hah! That was almost too easy. You should consider being my sidekick... / Roger: HEY, SHE'S WAKING UP. / Chelsea: UHHH. / Chelsea: YOU LOOK... ODDLY... FAMILIAR. / Chelsea: THE LAST THING I REMEMBER WAS THE ZOMBIES AND THE LITTLE GREEN... / Chelsea: HEY! WHAT ARE YOU DOING WITH THAT EYE! / Roger: NOTHING. / Chelsea: YOU WERE LOOKING DOWN MY DRESS! / Roger: WAS NOT! / Chelsea: WAS TOO! / Roger: WAS NOT! / Chelsea: WAS TOO! / Roger: WAS NOT! / Chelsea: WAS TOO! / Roger: WAS NOT! / Chelsea: WAS TOO! / Roger: WAS NOT! / Roger: WHAT WOULD I WANT TO LOOK DOWN THE DRESS OF A COW LIKE YOU ANYWAY!! / Chelsea: YOU WOULDN'T KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH A GIRL, FAIRY BOY! / Chelsea: FREAK! / Roger: BITCH! / Chelsea: THAT'S WITCH! / April: MY GOD, THIS IS WORSE THAN THE ZOMBIES. / Underling: SILENCE!!! LOWER BEINGS! / Underling: "NOW BEHOLD THE MAGNIFICENCE OF HE FROM THE 88TH DIMENSION. FIN-GROOT-TABOO!" / Chelsea: NOT AGAIN. / Roger: I'M THIRSTY / April: ... / Underling: "...AND PREPARE YOURSELVES FOR THE END OF ALL THINGS!!" / {{Part of the "COTC meets CRFH" storyline}}
[[Caves]] / Jubal: Apparently there's just no way to cross this pool without getting in and swimming... and I bet the water's cold as hell... / Mike: I'm not worried about hypothermia, I just don't want another tentacle, that's all! / Dave: It doesn't look very deep, though... uuuh, what's THAT??? / Mermaid: Ooh! Look, girl! Men! / Mike: OOOO-HOO! Forget what I said... Libido NOW! *SLURRP!* / Jubal: I must be turning into a cat, too... I'm suddenly in the mood for fish! / Dave: Ooh hair. This is NOT hair. First the zombies, now naked hair with only hair over their... uh... hair... / Margaret, Marsha: *groan!* / Mermaids: COME RIDE THAT LITTLE TRAIN THAT IS ROLLIN' DOWN THE TRACK AT THE JUNCTION / Jubal: HEY! THAT'S THE THEME TO ONE OF MY FAVORITE SHOWS. / Margaret: JUBAL NO!! / Jubal: HOWDY LADIES. / Mermaids: WE'RE BOBBY JO. BILLIE JOE AND BETTY JO. / Mermaids: AND YOU'RE ALL WET! / {{Part of the "COTC meets CRFH" storyline}}
[[Caves]] / Mermaid: They always fall for it! Right? / Mermaid: *giggle* / Margaret: That does it! Those three are DEAD fish! / Jubal: Wait! Bullets won't work! Let me try a little spell... / Dave: Well, hurry up! They're drowning him! / Mike: Yeah, but what a way to go... oow! / Marsha: Shut UP, you! / Margaret: C'MON MAGIC MAN. DO SOMETHING! / Jacob: BEHOLD THE MRS. PAUL'S / Mermaids: EEEEIII!!! / Jubal: HEY, YOU FORGOT THE LEMON / {{Part of the "COTC meets CRFH" storyline}}
[[Caves]] / Dave: BRRRRRR!!! This water is FREEZING cold! I only hope my poor cat didn't have to swim in it... / Jubal: Unless it was a flying kitty... / Margaret: If my guns get wet I'm gonna get very very ANGRY! / Marsha: Well, some people needed a cold shower anyway! Right, Mr. Libido NOW? / Mike: *SIGH* / Jacob: Even without the zombies and mermaids around, this place is still Hell. / Caption: MEANWHILE, THE CATS GET CLOSER TO THE MAIN ENTRANCE. / Sebastian: THESE UNDERLINGS SEEM TO BE STRICKEN WITH SOME SORT OF AILUROPHOBIA, A HORRIBLE FEAR OF CATS / Underling: CATS! CATS! / Sebastian: WE SHOULD BE ABLE TO RESCUE OUR HUMANS IN AN ADMIRABLE AMOUNT OF TIME. / Underling: CATS!!! NOOOO!!!! / Sebastian: BOO! / Underling: EEEIIII!! / Sebastian: YOU LOVE THIS, DON'T YOU? / Underling: HELLLLPP!!! / {{Part of the "COTC meets CRFH" storyline}}
 
[[Caves]] / Underling: Rejoice, lower beings! You just won a free trip to the belly of FIN-GROOT-TABOO! / Chelsea, Roger, April: GAAAAH! / Chelsea: But... but red meat is SO bad for your health! Why doesn't he try tofu instead? / April: Roger! Are you just gonna stand there? Turn into your werewhatever thing and save us! / Roger: Do you have any idea how PAINFUL is that??? Forget it! And IX-NAY on the werewhatever thing! / Chelsea: What are you two being so secretive about, huh? / Roger: None of your business! I was just saying that little guy's head looks like the Batman logo! / Chelsea: You're an idiot! / Roger: GRRR... ARF! ARF! / Chelsea: HSSSS! / April: Hey, how long till lunch? / Chelsea: AND WHY IS THIS OVERGROWN ESCARGOT WANTING TO EAT US? / Underling: TO END IT... ALL! / Chelsea: "WITH THAT FACE, I CAN SEE WHY." / Underling: YOUR DISRESPECT HAS BEEN NOTED AND YOUR DEATHS SHALL BE SLOW AND AGONIZING!! / Underling: THE REST OF THE UNIVERSE WILL NOT FEEL A THING AS IT EXPLODES INTO ATOMS. / {{Part of the "COTC meets CRFH" storyline}}
[[Caves]] / Margaret: I have the feeling you don't even know where we're going... / Dave: Uuh... I knew in the pool. Truth is, I don't know anymore. / Jubal: Cold water sometimes does things to your instincts... It'll come back to you, I'm sure... / Margaret: If you at least explained how you know these things... / Dave: I don't know if you'd even believe me... see, back when Satan tried to steal my soul, I... / Dave: EEP! URK! *blip* / Mike: Um, is that a large, two headed mass-murderer dog? / Jubal: And MY instincts say we should run that way. / Underling: TAKE ONE MAGICKAL WEREBEAST, ADD ONE MUTANT WEREBEAST, HAVE, INSERT DEMON'S NAME HERE, CONSUME BOTH BEASTS AT ONCE. ADD VIRGIN FOR BETTER DIGESTION. / Chelsea: CONCENTRATE. / Chelsea: BREAK THE CHAINS... / Underling: ONCE THE CRIES OF AGONY OF THE CONSUMED HAVE DIED DOWN, CHANT CREATION SPELL, SEE BELOW, BACK... / Chelsea: GRRRRR / Underling: "...WARDS?" / Chelsea: GWAORRR!! / {{Part of the "COTC meets CRFH" storyline}}
[[Caves]] / Chelsea: GRRRLRRRRR / April: Roger, I swear to God... if you let that panther eat us, I'm not speaking to you again. / Roger: Ee-yikes. She's eyeing me! Okay, but I warn you, this isnChelsea: KSSS!! / Roger: Eep! / Roger: Umph! / Chelsea: ROWR!!! / Chelsea: KSSS! / Roger: Ugh! / Roger: GROARRR / Chelsea: HSSS! / Roger: STUPID CAT! KITTY LITTER FOR BRAINS! / Roger: GRR-RR-RRAAAA! / Chelsea: GWROAAA!! / Sebastian: GOODNESS! WHAT IS ALL THAT RUCKUS?! / Sebastian: OH MY... / Roger: ARRRRR!!! / Chelsea: HSSSSSS! / Sebastian: HMM, MISS CHELSEA SEEMS TO BE QUITE BUSY AT THE MOMENT. THE WERE...COYOTE IS A FRIEND OF YOUR I TAKE IT? DON'T WORRY. YOUR FRIEND AND MISS CHELSEA WILL BE FINE. / Sebastian: SHE WON'T KILL HIM AND HE CAN'T KILL HER, SO THE MOST THEY'LL END UP WITH A FEW SCRATCHES. NOW LET'S FIND OUT WHAT'S BEHIND ALL THIS FOLDEROL IN THE FIRST PLACE. / Chester: MEW? / Sebastian: MY WORD. THERE'S OUR PROBLEM RIGHT THERE. FIN-GROOT-TABOO. THE WHINY LITTLE LOWER DEMON. / Sebastian: HE'S PROBABLY TRYING TO OFF HIMSELF AND TAKE THE REST OF THE UNIVERSE WITH HIM... AGAIN. / Sebastian: I TOLD THAT BABYLONIAN MAGE NOT TO SUMMON FIN, BUT LISTEN TO ME? NOOOO. SORRY... ONCE AGAIN I DIGRESS. / Chester: MEOW! YEOW! REOWYEOW! / Sebastian: "YES, INDEED WE SHOULD RESCUE YOUR FRIEND... APRIL YOU SAY?" / April: CHESTER!!! I'M SO GLAD TO SEE YOU!! I THOUGHT YOU WERE GONE FOR GOOD! HEY! WHO'S YOUR LITTLE FRIEND? / Sebastian: SIGH... WE DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR LENGTHY EXPLANATIONS, SO LISTEN CLOSELY AND DO AS I SAY. NOW CLOSE YOUR EYES. / April: NOW WHAT? A TALKING CAT?! / Chester: MEOW / Sebastian: WE MUST GET YOU TO SAFETY. YOU ARE THE VIRGIN. YOU ARE THE KEY. FIN'S DIGESTIVE SYSTEM WOULD NOT TOLERATE THE OTHERS WITHOUT YOU. / Sebastian: NOW, YOU ARE FREE THE SPELL IS OVER. YOU NEVER HEARD ME SPEAK. FORGET.. FORGET! / April: WHERE DID YOU COME FROM? SWEET KITTY! / Sebastian: OH MY LORD, NOT THE SWEET KITTY TALK. WHY ME? LORD, WHY ME? / Chester: PRRRRR / {{Part of the "COTC meets CRFH" storyline}}
College Roomies from Hell!!! for Sunday, October 15, 2000 Chelsea: KSS!! / Roger: Eep! / Roger: Umph! / Chelsea: ROWR!!! / Chelsea: KSS! / Roger: Ugh! / Roger & Chelsea: GROARRR HSSS! / Roger: Stupid cat! Kitty litter for brains! / Chelsea: GRR-RR-RRAAAA! / Chelsea: GWROAAA!! / Sebastian: Goodness! What is all that ruckus?! / Sebastian: Oh my ... / Roger: ARRRRR!! / Chelsea: HSSSSSS! / Sebastian: Hmmm. Miss Chelsea seems to be quite busy at the moment. The were . . . coyote is a friend of yours I take it? Don't worry. Your friend and Miss Chelsea will be fine. / Sebastian: She won't kill him and he can't kill her, so the most they'll end up with is a few scratches. Now let's find out what's behind all this folderol in the first place. / Chester: Mew? / Sebastian: My word. There's our problem right there. FIN-GROOT-TABOO. The whiny little lower demon. / Sebastian: He's probably trying to OFF HIMSELF and take the rest of the universe with him. . . again. / Sebastian: I told that Babylonian mage NOT to summon FIN, but listen to me? Noooo. Sorry. . . Once again I digress. / Chester: Meow! Yeow! Reowyeow! / Sebastian: "Yes, indeed we should rescue your friend. . . April you say?" / April: CHESTER!!! I'm so glad to see you!! I thought you were gone for good! Hey! Who's your little friend? / Sebastian: Sigh . . . We do not have time for lengthy explanations, so listen closely and do as I say. Now close your eyes. / April: Now what? A talking cat ?! / Chester: MEOW / Sebastian: We must get you to safety. You are the virgin. You are the key. FIN'S digestive system would not tolerate the others without you. / <> / Sebastian: Now, you are free. The spell is over. You never heard me speak. Forget . . . Forget! / April: Where did you come from? Sweet kitty! / Sebastian (thought): Oh my lord, not the SWEET KITTY talk. Why me? Lord, why me? / Chester: Prrrrr.
http://crfh.net/d/20001015.html
[[Caves]] / Dave: AAAAAAAUUGH! / Cerberus: GRRRROWL / Gun: BANG! / Jacob: Mmh. It exploded instead of dying. Reconfigured energy, just like I thought. / Dave: YOU call it reconfigured energy, I'll call it "damn close". / Marsha: Are you okay? You look pale. / Dave: Yeah... it just caught me off guard... / Margaret: Nuts. And I wanted a two-headed trophy, too! / April: I THINK YOU TWO HAVE THE PLAN! LET'S GET OUT OF HERE!! / Sebastian: "I MAY HAVE A FEW MAGICK TRICKS IN MY, UNFORTUNATELY BANISHING DEMONS IS NOT..." / Sebastian: MY WORD, FIN SEEMS TO BE SUMMONING SOMETHING. / April: OH... MY... GOD!! / Sebastian: "WE SEEM TO BE IN CONSIDERABLE TROUBLE." / {{Part of the "COTC meets CRFH" storyline}}
 
[[Caves]] / Dave: Ee-yep. This must be Hell. Every terror ever known to mankind is here, waiting for us... / Marsha: AAAH! It's Jason! / Jacob: And here I thought I'd seen it all... / Margaret: Wrath of ye Gods... / Chainsaw: WHEEEEERRRRRR / Margaret: I don't think I have enough bullets to take them all. I only hope you don't run out on batteries, Dave. / Dave: Ordinarily my answer would be to curl up in a ball on the floor, sobbing and sucking my thumb. But since it's YOU asking... / Mike: You know, since the lumberjack incident and the killer clown incident, chainsaws just don't scare me anymore. / Jacob: I have a theory about this... / Jubal: Forget the theory... look! / Jacob: THESE MONSTERS SEEM TO BE RECONFIGURED ENERGY AS WELL! I SUGGEST THAT SIMPLY SHOOTING THEM WILL... / Mike: HEY! ISN'T THAT ROGER GETTING CLOBBERED?! / Margaret: NOT FOR LONG! / Chelsea: RRRRRRR / Margaret: LATER! YOU BAD OL' PUTTY TAT!!! / Jubal: NOOOOOOOOO!!!! / {{Part of the "COTC meets CRFH" storyline}}
[[Caves]] / April: Boy, am I glad to see you guys! OUCH! Who is that? / Margaret: Sorry. April, meet my first innocent bystander... / Chelsea: J-jubal... oh no, please... / Jubal: Ugh... / Jacob: Way to go, gun-nut chick. / Dave: Just... just who the HELL are YOU??? / Roger: You don't recognize me? Oh, must be the glasses... / Mike: I don't want to sound insensitive, but we're surrounded by monsters and I don't think we're gonna be able to help Jubal if we're, like, DEAD!!! / Chelsea: I'VE PUT SOME HERBS ON HIS WOUNDS. / Jacob: GOOD. THESE ARE ALL JUST FLESH WOUNDS. I THINK HE WILL BE FINE, AS LONG AS WE CAN GET HIM OUT OF HERE SOON. / Chelsea: "HOWEVER" / Jacob: "THAT MAY BE EASIER SAID THAN DONE." / {{Part of the "COTC meets CRFH" storyline}}
[[Caves]] / Marsha: Nailed another one! Yessss!!! We're not bad at this, are we? / Mike: Are you kidding? We rule! And there's another one, trying to hide in that corner... / Underling: Heydon'tlookatmeIdon'tevenknowwhatchatalkinaboutjusthappenedtobearound,hemademedoit,reallyIhavenothingtodowiththissowillyapleasekeepyourdistance?Thankyouverymuch. / Mike: Aha, and this one actually seems to know something! / Marsha: Cool, I love torturing people to make them talk! Oh, sorry. Ex-girlfriend stalking flashback. / Underling: EEEEEEEIIIIIIII!!! / Mike: OKAY! WHAT GIVES? / Underling: THE MIGHTY FIN AND OURSELVES, WE FEED OFF OF ENERGY. / Underling: WE HAVE BEEN ABLE TO FEED UPON ENERGY PRODUCED BY YOUR TELE-VISION....ESPECIALLY THE FREAKS AND GEEKS, BUT IT MOVED TO CABLE. WE DON'T HAVE CABLE. / Mike: A DEMON WITHOUT CABLE. NOW THAT'S FUNNY. / Marsha: YOU MEAN TO TELL ME THAT SLUG FACE WAS GOING TO DESTROY THE UNIVERSE OVER A TV SHOW?!! / Underling: THE MIGHTY FIN IS MIGHTY, BUT HE IS VERY MOODY TOO. / Caption: MEANWHILE / Margaret: BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! / Margaret: GAAA! I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT MOVIE THIS MONSTER IS FROM / Margaret: CLICK CLICK CLICK / Dave: ZAP!! / Dave: I THINK WE GOT THEM ALL. / Margaret: COOL. VERY COOL. / {{Part of the "COTC meets CRFH" storyline}}
[[Caves]] / Dave: Furry shadow of mine! I thought I'd never see you again! / April: Thank God, we got rid of all the monsters. It's over. / Margaret: It ain't over till the fat slug sings... I wish I had my miraculous shotgun here! / Chelsea: It's my fault. Instead of attacking the demon, I tried to kill Roger. I don't know what happened to me... / Jacob: Don't be so hard on yourself, there are enough bad vibes around here to make us kill each other. If only we knew why the demon wants to detroy the universe. / Marsha: Because "Freaks and Geeks" was canceled. / Jacob: WHAT? / Marsha: You heard it! A little green guy told us. But before he could tell us more, Mike went tentacle-happy on him! / Mike: Not my fault he had such a scrawny, miserable pencil neck! / Jacob: ACTUALLY, THE ENERGY IN WHICH THE DEMONS FEED UPON IS SPAWNED BY HUMAN EMOTIONS. HOWEVER, NEGATIVE EMOTIONS ARE THE MOST PLENTIFUL. THIS DOES SUSTAIN THE DEMONS, BUT IT IS HARDLY FILLING. / Jacob: DEMONS, OR CRITTERS AS WE CALL THEM, NEED POSITIVE EMOTIONS TO TRULY FEED. ONCE THE DEMONS HAS GOTTEN THEIR FILL, ONLY THEN CAN THEY BE SENT BACK TO THEIR ORIGINAL DIMENSION. / Mike: SO WHAT YOU'RE SAYING... JUST WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU SAYING?! / Jacob: I'M SAYING THAT WE BETTER GET DAMN HAPPY... DAMN QUICK! / Mike: DAMN. / {{Part of the "COTC meets CRFH" storyline}}
[[Caves]] / Jacob: All right people... I need HAPPY THOUGHTS! Think happy! Hey, everything's okay with the world! Let's make a humongous ball of positive energy! / Mike: Yeah, right... and then what? We fly with Wendy and Peter Pan? / Roger: I'm happy. I mean, I'm tired and hurt and almost naked, but n ow at least I know I can count on you guys. / Mike: No offense, but we didn't even notice you were missing. / Roger: And there goes my happy camper status quo... / April: I'm happy because I don't have to choose between losing my virginity with Roger or being eaten by a giant slug! / Marsha: At least that cat is doing his part. I've never seen a happier pet. / Dave: Oh, I've seen him happier, but that's another story. / Margaret: Like being happy depnded on TRYING... / Jubal: ME HAPPY? I'M IN LIKE...PAIN! / Roger: LOOK AT ME. I CAN'T SEE AND I ACHE ALL OVER. / Mike: WILL YOU BOTH STOP YOUR BITCHIN! / Chelsea: WELL, DESPERATE TIMES DEMAND DESPERATE MESSURES...BOYS? / Chelsea: HAPPY NOW? / Roger: MAN, I CAN'T SEE HER AND I'M HAPPY. / Mike: HAPPY, HAPPY JOY, JOY! / Jubal: I'M GOING HOME WITH HER. / {{Part of the "COTC meets CRFH" storyline}}
 
[[Caves]] / Margaret: How can they ask me to be happy when I just shot someone? And he's gonna die if I don't get happy soon... but I just can't... / Dave: Maybe you... um, need a... friendly hug. / Margaret: Don't be silly, Dave... that isn't gonna undo things... / Dave: Uuh. No, I suppose it's not... / Margaret: But... oh, what the heck... / Marsha: You're happy? I can't believe you're working on it... / Mike: Well, yeah... didn't you see what that girl did? / Marsha: No, I was looking at that cuuuuuuute blue cat over there! What did she do? / Mike: Oh, nothing important... some nice magic trick... / Sebastian: Oh, for CRYING OUT LOUD!!! / Sebastian: And why are YOU so stinking HAPPY? Oh, I see... / Jacob: "WE CREATE THE BALL OF ENERGY" / Jacob: "AND THEN WE FEED IT TO OUR DEMON..." / Jacob: "THE DEMON CONSUMES THE ENERGY AND IS FILLED. NOW IT CAN RETURN TO ITS DIMENSION." / Jacob: CHELSEA, IF YOU WOULD DO THE HONORS. / Chelsea: A SPELL TO SEND THAT THING BACK... A SPELL IS LIKE A POEM, WHICH IN TURN IS LIKE A SONG... / Jacob: HIT IT! / Chelsea: HIT THE ROAD JACK AND DON'TCHA COME BACK NO MORE, NO MORE, NO MORE, NO MORE, HIT THE ROAD JACK AND DON'TCHA COME BACK NO MORE! / Jacob: WHAT I SAY? / All: HIT THE ROAD JACK AND DON'TCHA COME BACK NO MORE, NO MORE, NO MORE, NO MORE, HIT THE ROAD JACK AND DON'TCHA COME BACK NO MORE! / Someone: HEY IT'S WORKING! THE DEMON'S GOING! / Roger: OH WOMAN, OH WOMAN WHY YOU TREAT ME SO MEAN... / Roger: YOU'RE THE MEANEST OL' WOMAN I... EVER... SEEN? / April: THE PARTY IS OVER ROGER. / Dave: YEAH, IT IS. / Mike: GOOD! NOW, HOW THE HELL DO WE GET OUT OF THIS PLACE! / Dave: CHESTER? / Jubal: HOW DID YOU DO ALL THAT STUFF? / Chelsea: SORRY, A GIRL'S GOT TO HAVE SOME SECRETS. / Dot: FIN / {{Part of the "COTC meets CRFH" storyline}}
[[Street]] / Mike: Sheesh, I'm so glad this is all over! / Roger: Do you think it's over? Well I don't. In fact, my spider sense is tingling again. Something's very wrong... / Chester: zzzzzzzzz / Roger: CLANG! OW! / Roger: Mmph... aw, hell! I forgot my glasses in Hell! I guess we'll have to go back. / Mike: BWAAAHAHAH! Did you hear that, Dave? He thinks we're going back for his glasses! HAHAHAH! / Dave: Yeah, you're right, Mike. It's a beautiful night, indeed. / Chester: zzzzz / {{Part of the "COTC meets CRFH" storyline}}
[[Girls' Apartment]] / Marsha: ? / Marsha: EEEEEEEEE!!! / April: You had a nightmare about WHAT?!? / Marsha: Shut up and get me the milk. / {{Part of the "Nightmares" storyline}}
[[Wedding Hall]] / Harumph! I HATE weddings! You have to wear uncomfortable clothes, be social, endure the ceremony... / Marsha: Yeah, but it's OUR wedding, you DUMMY! / Mike: G-gimme that! H-having God a-awful NIGHTMARES... / Roger: Sure, Mike. Since you snatch so nicely... / {{Part of the "Nightmares" storyline}}
[[Girls' Apartment]] / Margaret: Something doesn't feel right! / Margaret: I think it may be because the kitchen smells ...GOOD! / Margaret: I must INVESTIGATE! / April: Margaret! See Chester! / Marsha: I made pancakes for you! They are PERFECT! / Margaret: AIGH!! / Marsha: Is she still giggling over the burnt pancakes? / April: Yep. I think she's lost it. / Margaret: HEE! / {{Part of the "Nightmares" storyline}}
 

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