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[[Boys' Apartment]] / Mike: You stupid monkey! Stop this mayham right NOW or ELSE! / Background: OOHAA!! CRASH!!! BOOM! plink plink plinkity plonk! / Roger: My pets and I are leaving till the heavy, sharp objects stop flying around. I suggest you do the same. / Mike: Eep! / Mike: No, I'm gonna stop that monkey ever if it's the last time I do! By the way, where's Dave? / Dave: UNDER THE COUCH! / Mike: Sheesh. I didn't know you could fit under there! / Dave: DON'T ASK! / Roger: Actually, the monkey STUFFED him under there. / {{Part of the "Damn this mess" storyline}} |
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[[Boys' Apartment]] / Mike: Grrr! C'mere, you filthy, stoned greased monkey! / Mike: A-HA! Gotcha! Bad, bad monkey! Now you're gonna see! / Marsha: Mike!!! Just WHAT are you doing??? / Mike: Um, it's NOT what it looks like... / Marsha: Well, it looks like you SPANKING the MONKEY! / Mike: Okay, then it's NOT what it SOUNDS like... / {{Part of the "Damn this mess" storyline}} |
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[[Boys' Apartment]] / Mike: Look at this! The fog and the mountain of dirty clothes are back, and everything is smeared with monkey poop! / Roger: Well, don't look at me! / Dave: Right! He who brings in the monkey cleans the poop! / Mike: Okay, okay! I'll do it myself. Just don't complain later when I stay in one of my pissy moods for the rest of the month. / Mike: And here I thought you guys weren't gonna help me... / Roger: Well, I prefer to deal with a small amount of poop now and not a load of it later! / Dave: At least if I help you I can tell you right away to SHUT UP! / {{Part of the "Damn this mess" storyline}} |
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[[Library]] / Librarian: Hoarding books! Shame on you! / Margaret: It was her fault! She let me use her card, knowing I'm evil... / April: Well I thought she'd use it wisely! / Librarian: I'm going to ban you from the library forever... unless you volunteer as college guides next week. / April, Margaret: GAAAH! We'll do it! / April: You know something, Margaret? YOU REALLY SUCK! / Margaret: Oh, SUUURE! Now I am the one who sucks! / {{Part of the "Funny Farm meets CRFH" storyline}} |
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[[Girls' Apartment]] / Margaret: GAAAAH! What happened to all my clothes? / April: They're dirty. With all the tests and stuff, we didn't do any laundry, remember? / Margaret: Well I can't wear my camouflage mini-short! It's strictly post-apocalyptic summer fashion! / April: I have nothing clean, either... except for this ridiculous skirt from the porno flick. / Margaret: But it's too late now to do laundry! / April: Maybe we can borrow something from Marsha... / Marsha: Aw, of course you can, girls! But first, you gotta try my delicious hot cakes! / April: Uh, we can't! We gotta do our laundry!!! / Pan: CLANG! / Apron: KISS THE COOK / {{Part of the "Funny Farm meets CRFH" storyline}} |
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[[Laundry]] / Margaret: No sleep! Tomorrow is gonna be murder... And I already have a very low tolerance level for people... / April: I hope you don't get us in more trouble... What's that smell? / April: Ee-yikes! This stupid dryer machine is burning our clothes and it won't TURN OFF! Pull the plug! / Margaret: I can't reach it, and the dryer is too heavy! I can't move it an inch! / Margaret: Well, I'm not gonna give that stupid college tour in my stupid camouglage mini-short! I'm gonna wear these same clothes! / April: Sheesh... / Dryer: BPOOOF! / Margaret: At least if it's camouflage nobody will be able to see how stupid I look. / April: Lucky you. / {{Part of the "Funny Farm meets CRFH" storyline}} |
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[[Apartment Hall]] / Pom: YOU TWO ARE MY TOUR GUIDES? / April: YUP! CAN I GET YOUR NAME FOR THE NAME TAG? / Sign: COLLEGE TOURS 12 - 5pm / Pom: UUH... I'LL WAIT UNTIL THE NEXT TOUR. / April: YOU'RE THE ONLY ONE HERE IT LOOKS LIKE. WANT YOUR NAME TAG? / Pom: IS THERE ANOTHER TOUR I CAN... OOF!! / Margaret: TAKE THE DANG NAME TAG AND GO ON THE TOUR ALREADY, LOSER! / Pom: UH... THE TAG DOESN'T REALLY SAY "LOSER" ON IT, DOES IT? / April: OH MY. YOU MIGHT PREFER IF IT HAD. / Ront: Hi! We are looking for my little brother, Pom... they told us he was walking around with some girls called April and Margaret... / Marsha: Yeah, they live here, but they're not home. / Mewn: Aw, it can't be! I'm dead! / Marsha: Well, why don't you guys come in and take a break? / Ront: You know what they told me? They told me this college was full of weird people. Heheh. But that girl is pretty nice... / Mewn: Mmh, yeah, she's nice. This place could use more transformers, tho... / Mike: Heeey! Has anyone ever told you you look a whole lot lke Underdog? / Marsha: Voila! Frosty mushroom and carrot juice! / Mewn: Eep! / {{Part of the "Funny Farm meets CRFH" storyline}} |
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[[Apartment Hall]] / April: OKAY, POM. MY NAME IS APRIL AND THIS IS MARGARET. WE'LL GIVE YOU THE TOUR OF THE FACILITIES / Pom: MUST CONCENTRATE. FORGET GIRLS GIVING THE TOUR. / April: THERE'S OUR GYM, WHICH HAS AN INDROOM POOL, EVEN! / Pom: GIRLS WHO ARE ALSO WEARING SKIMPY CLOTHING / April: WATCH YOUR STEP. IT'S A BIT SLIPPERAAAAH!! / Pom: NO! STAY FOCUSED AND HOPE THESE GIRLS DON'T DISTRACT ME ANYMORE... / April: WAH! I'M ALL WET NOW! / Margaret: THAT'S WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU FALL IN THE POOL! / Pom: ER! I HAVE TO GO NOW! / Mike: Now listen up, guys. If I know my girl enough, now she's gonna come with some horrible juice mix on a tray, and you're gonna drink it, probably have a nose bleed or two, smile and say it's delicious. She's very sensitive about these things... and when someone hurts her feelings, i can get REALLY violent. Capisce? / Mewn: Mmmgh! / Mewn: Quick, Ront! Plan B! / Ront: Plan B? What's Plan B? / Marsha: TADAAAA! / Mewn: I thought you knew! / Mike: Just in time, honey! These guys are thirsty, right, guys? / Ront: What about Plan A? What's Plan A? / Mewn: Beats me! / {{Part of the "Funny Farm meets CRFH" storyline}} |
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[[Apartment Hall]] / Margaret: THERE YOU ARE! WHAT'S THE DEAL RUNNING OFF? WE HAVE TO GIVE YOU THAT TOUR / Pom: GO AWAY, MARGARET. YOU AND APRIL WILL SCREW THINGS UP FOR ME. / Margaret: WHAT'S THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN?! / Pom: I BOMBED MY LAST COURSE BEFORE I EVEN GOT IN BECAUSE OF A PRETTY GIRL / Pom: I DIDN'T WANT THE SAME TO HAPPEN HERE. IF I CAN'T EVEN MAKE IT THROUGH ONE LOUSY TOUR... / Margaret: YOU THINK I'M PRETTY? / Pom: OH, NO OFFENSE. I'M SURE YOU'D LOOK HOMELY IF YOU HAD ON CLOTHES LIKE A NORMAL PERSON TOO. / Margaret: AND YOU SAY YOU SCREW THINGS UP? / Ront: Hey, this actually tastes pretty good... / Mewn: Yummy! And I don't feel tired anymore! / Mike: So, what is it? / Marsha: "Blue Mushroom Energy Mix!" I made it! / Mike: Oh no! Not blue mushrooms! Where did you gt those anyway? / Marsha: "Food and poison, inconveniently mixed", why? / Ront: Ooooh yeah, I feel good. So good, I'm gonna kill everybody in this room... slowly... yeah... / Roger: Cool! A nonsense contest! Can I join? / Mewn: And now I can get back to saving Little Tokyo from Big Cheese! SAMURAI PIZZA CATS! / {{Part of the "Funny Farm meets CRFH" storyline}} |
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[[Apartment Hall]] / Margaret: LOOK. I'VE BEEN AT THIS COLLEGE LONG ENOUGH TO KNOW THERE'S MORE PROBS THAN JUST THE OPPOSITE SEX. / Margaret: JUST STOP BEING A WUSS AND CONFRONT YOUR PROBLEMS SO IT'S OUT OF THE WAY OF WHAT YOU CARE ABOUT. SO IF A GIRL IS IN YOUR WAY, WHAT DO YOU DO? / Pom: SMMMOOOCH! / Margaret: BLEARGH! / Pom: I DON'T THINK I'LL BE CONFRONTING THIS PROBLEM... / Ront: Oooookay. Which one of you kiddos wants to go first? / Roger: WHOA! Deja vu! / Mike: Shoot. Where the hell is Dave when you need him? Okay okay, let's not panic... don't make any sudden movements... let's just move slowly towards the door... / Marsha: Oh my! The other guy found Margaret's samurai swords! / Mewn: The magical Ginzu sword will cut through anything! And it's a terrific letter opener! / Swords: Sssschin! / Mike: GAAH! Forget about moving slowly! Let's SCRAM!!! / {{Part of the "Funny Farm meets CRFH" storyline}} |
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[[Apartment Hall]] / Margaret: YOU JERK! GET BACK HERE! / Pom: YEESH! MARGARET'S CRAZY! I'M OUTTA HERE! / April: OH THERE YOU ARE, POM. I'VE BEEN LOOKING FOR... / Pom: ACKPTH! LOOK OUT, APRIL! / Pom, April: OOF! OW! EEK! MMF! / Pom: SIGH. THE IRONIC THING IS THAT I'D BE ENJOYING THIS IF I WEREN'T FEARFUL FOR MY LIFE RIGHT NOW. / April: SHRIEK! / Mewn: The mission of a Samurai Pizza Cat is to triumph over evil! So if we hurt you, it's only because we love ya! / Marsha: Mike, they're getting closer! What's the plan? / Mike: Keep on running, eventually getting tired, and dying! That's it, unless we find Dave or Margaret first... / Roger: WHOA! I already got all the love I can handle, thank you very much!!! / Ront: Less talking and more killing, Mewn! / Sword: GWOSSH! / {{Part of the "Funny Farm meets CRFH" storyline}} |
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[[Apartment Hall]] / Dave: Margaret! Why are you chasing that guy? Calm down, you're gonna get in trouble! / Margaret: Let me at 'im! I gotta KILL him! / Dave: Why? What did he do? / Margaret: He KISSED me! / Dave: He... WHAT??? / Pom: That does it! I'm NOT studying HERE!! / Dave: DIE, YOU INFIDEL!!! / Margaret: Consider your toes tagged, fuzz-face! / April: Hey, can we kill him in a less noisy fashion??? We're drawing attention here! / Pom: OKAY! TWO PSYCHO GIRLS WANT TO KILL ME. MY FIRST PLAN SHOULD BE FINDING RONT AND MEWN. SECOND IS TO GET AS MUCH DISTANCE BETWEEN ME AND THIS COLLEGE! / Roger: AAIGH! SOMEONE STOP HIM! HE'S GOT A BUTTER KNIFE! / Pom: WHAT...? / Ront: WHAT ARE YOU LOOKING AT?! / Pom: OKAY. SKIP PLAN ONE AND GO STRAIGHT TO TWO... / Mewn: "THEY'VE GOT MORE FUR THAN ANY TURTLE EVER HAD!" / {{Part of the "Funny Farm meets CRFH" storyline}} |
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[[Apartment Hall]] / Roger, Marsha, Mike, Margaret, Dave, April: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRGHH!!! / Feet: SCREEEEEEEEEEEEEECH / Ront: Dammit! Just when we were gonna kill 'em, they go and kill themselves! / Mewn: AI! What's the point of being a Samurai Pizza Cat if I don't kill people??? / Pom: Hey bro, you can stand there all day babbling nonsense, but gimme the car keys first. / Roger: Too many L-L-legs... everywhere... / April: Roger!!! Get your damn hand out of my skirt! / Mike: *groaaan* / Pom: AFTER WHAT HAPPENED, WE HAD TO ESCAPE THAT COLLEGE. THE PROBLEM WAS RONT AND MEWN THO... / Pom: RONT APPEARED TO BE IN A FIT OF RAGE, SO IT WAS TRICKY TO LURE HIM INTO THE CAR. / Ront: PAULY SHORE TRYING TO MAKE ANOTHER MOVIE IN MY CAR?! I'LL SHOW HIM!! / Pom: MEWN, ON THE OTHER HAND, WAS EASIER IN HIS ANIME HALLUCINATION STATE. / Mewn: THEY WANT TO MARKET ME INTO THE NEWEST IMPORT FOR GULLIBLE AMERICANS?! YATA! LET'S GO! / Pom: WITH MY BROTHER AND HIS FRIEND SAFE, I DROVE US OUT FO THERE IN FEAR OF OUR LIVES. / Pom: THAT'S WHEN I FOUND THIS PLACE A BLOCK FROM CAMPUS. / Nick: WELCOME TO THE GROUP. / Sign: THE WE SURVIVED COLLEGE ROOMIES SUPPORT CLUB / {{Part of the "Funny Farm meets CRFH" storyline}} |
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[[Boys' Apartment]] / Dave: Oow! My back! I feel like a freight train ran over me... I'm gonna lie down for a while. / Mike: Yeah, lie down... in your grave! NOBODY's going anywhere! We still have a lot of cleaning to do! / Roger: Gotta go... URK! / Dave: What, do you still think we're gonna help you with that? / Mike: Tsk, tsk. You guys and your pathetic, useless resistance. Why do we always have to do things the hard way? Do you think I enjoy being evil? Huh? / Roger: Whoa! Deja vu! / Mike: As a matter of fact, I do! And to demonstrate, I'm gonna throw your beloved pets to the Thing that Spawned in our fridge! / Dave: UNHAND MY CAT, VILLAIN! / Roger: Wait, wait! There's no need to get erosive! / Chester: MRROW! / {{Part of the "Funny Farm meets CRFH" storyline}} |
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[[Apartment Hall]] / Margaret: I can't believe we didn't get that little bastard! Oh, well. Back to the tours. But ain't you gonna put your top in place, April? / April: I wish I could, but it snapped. / Margaret: Shoot. Okay, don't worry, I'll just tie it up... / April: After this, I don't feel like being nice anymore. / Margaret: Heh. Welcome to the club. / Guy: I heard some girls were giving topless college tours around! Is this it? / Margaret: Yeah, we'll give you a topless tour through the land of Extreme Pain! / April: And by "topless", we mean we knock your head off first. Still interested? / Sign: COLLEGE TOURS 12-5 pm / {{Part of the "Funny Farm meets CRFH" storyline}} |
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[[Boys' Apartment]] / Mike: All right, now... we have to deal with the Thing that Spawned in our kitchen, the Mountain of Dirty Clothes, and the Toilet of Doom. Luck decides who gets what. / Dave: Gee. So many fun ways to die, so little time. / Roger: Ooh no! I always end up getting the worst! / Mike: C'mon Roger. If you guess the number I'm thinking, you win. / Roger: Mmh... blue? / Mike: Dammit! You WON! Okay, you can have the kitchen... / Roger: To explore strange new worlds, to seek out new life... to boldly go where no soap has gone before... / Thing: *Gurgle* Grrr.... / Roger: And to come back, I hope. / {{Part of the "Roger vs. the Thing" storyline}} |
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[[Boys' Apartment]] / Roger: Okay Mike... I'm gonna open the fridge now... be sure to be ready with the flamethrowers, just in case I need help... / Roger: My God! Unvelievable! The legends were true! / Fridge Door: Wash me / Roger: So we DO have parmesan cheese after all! / Mike: That's just SO stupid. Turn the damn thing off! / Dave: Wait, wait! I want to know what happens to the cheese! / {{Part of the "Roger vs. the Thing" storyline}} |
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[[Boys' Apartment]] / Roger: Mmh. Maybe the toxic fumes killed the Thing. Of course, if this was a movie, the Thing would be right behind me. But that's ridiculous. Such things don't... / Roger: Ee-yikes!!! / Thing: Grbrlbr... ffff.... / Roger: Oh God, I should have believed Hollywood! AAARGH! / Mike: You STILL don't turn the damn thing off??? / Dave: Shhh, man! I want to hear what's gonna happen to Hollywood! / {{Part of the "Roger vs. the Thing" storyline}} |
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[[Boys' Apartment]] / Roger: No panic! The thing is right in front of me, and God, it's HIDEOUS! But as long as I'm in my space suit, everything should be just fine... / Roger: Whoa! / Dave: You flushed the radio down teh toilet??? What the hell were you thinking, man? Money doesn't grow on trees, you know...! / Mike: I don't care! Flush, baby, flush! / Roger: Help!!! / {{Part of the "Roger vs. the Thing" storyline}} |
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[[Boys' Apartment]] / Roger: My flashlight! I bet this creature doesn't like light... if I can find some way to distract it... / Roger: Oh look, Thing! Parmesan cheese! Fetch it, boy! / Roger: Aw, damn!!! I FELL! Gotta reach... / Roger: YEAAAARGH!!! / Mike: pssshhhh / Mike: You forgot your liquid nitrogen again, you idiot. / Roger: Remind you to thank me if I ever get out of the catathonic trance. / {{Part of the "Roger vs. the Thing" storyline}} |
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[[Boys' Apartment]] / Dave: Working hard, as always, huh? Well, take it easy, buddy... We don't want you to have a stroke or something... / Roger: You know something, Dave? I really should have let the Devil walk away with your soul. / {{Part of the "Roger vs. the Thing" storyline}} |
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[[Boys' Apartment]] / Dave: Gee, what are you doing with that horrible Thing? / Roger: Taking it to the trash container, loser-face! / Dave: Wouldn't it be easier just to smash it? / Roger: Remember Terminator? Or Fantasia? And I know if I gotta face an army of tiny little Things, I won't get any help from YOU! / Dave: Aw, I told you! I thought you were joking! I didn't think you were in any real danger... besides, I got my own problems... Out, out, damn spot! / Roger: Oh right, I forget that your life is a Shakespeare drama and mine is just a Stephen King tale. / {{Part of the "Roger vs. the Thing" storyline}} |
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[[Boys' Apartment]] / Dave: What happened to you? / Mike: The Mountain of Clothes wanted to digest me and I had to burn it down. / Dave: WHAT? But almost all of my clothes were there! / Mike: Well, mine too! Do you think I did it for fun, or what? / Dave: So, we're gonna have to choose between being naked or starve again. / Mike: I'll chose naked. At least I can drop college, join the Chippendales, and earn money. / Roger: HAH! Who said you need to drop college to do that? / {{Part of the "Roger vs. the Thing" storyline}} |
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[[Boys' Apartment]] / Dave: Roger, please tell me you didn't get all that money doing lewd dances in a thong and stuff. / Roger: Of course not, silly! Some nut throught the Thing was the ultimate expression of plastic art and gave me $1000 for it! So Mike, here's your share. / Mike: Hey, all right!!! Thanks, man! / Dave: Aaaaand..... / Roger: And Dave, you're right! You have your own problems, HAHAHAHA! / Dave: Ungh! / {{Part of the "Roger vs. the Thing" storyline}} |
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[[Boys' Apartment]] / Dave: Don't worry, little one. We're not gonna starve again or wear newspaper, either. Fortunately, I have some extra cash around. / Dave: Of course, I was saving that money to take Margaret to a nice place for our date, but I guess I don't have another choice. / Dave: Her? Oh, never mind. She's imaginary. She's just gonna make me feel miserable for the rest of my life. / Margaret: Why don't you do right... like some other men dooooooo.... / {{Part of the "Roger vs. the Thing" storyline}} |
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[[Boys' Apartment]] / Mike: Geez, why don't you pound the door a little harder? I can't hear you! / Mike: Blue! / Blue: Mike!!! / Mike: Haha! Long time no see, brat! Have you missed me? / Blue: Of course, you idiot! But don't worry, I'm here to ruin your life again! / Blue: So this is where you live. Not so bad. Dad told me you were living in a trash container. / Mike: Naah. The trash container was CLEANER! We had some toxic fog, and... / Mike: Wait a sec. He didn't tell mom, right? RIGHT? / Blue: Duuh. Do you see her here, crushing your carefree lifestyle with her iron fist? No. / {{Part of the "Blue Madness" storyline}} |
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[[Boys' Apartment]] / Mike: Roger, this is my little sister, Blue. / Blue: Hey there, Roger. / Roger: Oh, is THAT your little sister??? Well... SSCHWING!!! / Mike: SMACK! / Roger: Hey! Why did you do that? I just SNEEZED! / Mike: Behave or DIE, Roger. / Blue: Wow Mike, you broke your own record. Five minutes here and you already threatened someone with death. / {{Part of the "Blue Madness" storyline}} |
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[[Boys' Apartment]] / Mike: Dave, this is my little sister, Blue. She's staying with us for a few days... / Dave: Oh. Hey, Blue! / Blue: Hi... Dave. / Chester: MROOOOWW!!! / Mike: Wow Dave, your cat freaked out. Maybe an earthquake is coming. / Blue: Mmmh... an earthquake indeed... / {{Part of the "Blue Madness" storyline}} |
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[[Boys' Apartment]] / Mike: Okay, coyotes, listen up... / Roger: Hey! I'm SICK of you guys accusing me of being a werecoyote! You can't prove it! Mom said you can't! / Mike: What? Shut up! I'm just saying Blue and I are gonna sleep in the bedroom. / Dave: Well, we already knew that. So? / Mike: I just wanted to remind you guys that even when I sleep like a brick, I'm gonna keep an eye open... and if you try something with Blue... if you TRY.... / Dave: I think I'm taking my carboard box and going to sleep under a bridge. / Roger: I remember last time I did that. When I woke up, one of my kidneys was gone. / {{Part of the "Blue Madness" storyline}} |
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[[Girls' Apartment]] / April: So Blue, you're gonna stick around for some days? Good! / Blue: Yep. I already know I want to study here next year! / Margaret: Why would anybody want to study here? It's full of weirdos! / Blue: Yeah, weirdos like Dave... and he's SUCH a cutie! / April: Uh-oh. Better put your eye on someone else. Because you see, Dave and the gun nut here are MADLY in LOVE! / Blue: Mmh. This is gonna be slightly harder than I thought. / Margaret: What??? Marry him and raise seven kids for all I care! / April: Suuuuuuure! Liar liar, pants on fire! / Margaret: Is that a request, April? I'll be happy to help... / {{Part of the "Blue Madness" storyline}} |
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