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College Roomies from Hell!!! Archives David: Who, me? Nah, I'm done. At least for the next ten seconds. I'm sorry what was your name? / Jerry: I'm Jerry. Is the room still available? / David: Sure, come in. / David: Sorry about the mess... / Jerry: It's okay, man. You should see where i'm living now. UGH. I have to clean night and day. / David:...
College Roomies from Hell!!! Archives [[Margaret, Dave, Zombie Mike and Roger have convened for a NOES meeting.]] / Margaret: Well, as you know, the situation has turned around for us. Mike is back, and I'm still in charge, at least while he recovers from his... God. Dave, what IS IT NOW??? / [[Dave has been clearing his throat throughout...
College Roomies from Hell!!! Archives [[Margaret, still annoyed, is addressing the other NOES members at the meeting.]] / Margaret: Okay, if no one has anything else to say, can we START? / Roger: [[off-panel]] I have a question. / Margaret: All right. ONE. Ask away. / Roger: [[off-panel]] Why isn't Joe here? Isn't he a part of NOES now? / Margaret:...
College Roomies from Hell!!! Archives David: HAH! Like I don't know you. You're gonna use your "training" as an excuse to f*ck with me. / Roger: Well, DUUUUH! But rest assured, when I'm done with you, you will be a werecoyote, only without the hair or the coolness. / David: YAY. Ok, but we're not going to do this at my place, I don't want...
College Roomies from Hell!!! Archives [[Dave and Roger lean against a tree. Dave thinks of a vacuum cleaner.]] / Roger: okay... Margaret is making me do this, but I'm willing to commit myself. I'm gonna need your total, full cooperation and trust. Are we clear? Good. / Dave: Okay. / Roger: I warn you, this is something you can't learn overnight....
 
College Roomies from Hell!!! Archives [[Roger gets out his pet rock.]] / Roger: If you're gonna learn about patience, you have to learn from the best. Here is Fluffy, Grand Master of Waitness and Immobility. / Dave: Waitness isn't a word. / Roger: Yes, but no one cares what you think. / Roger: The experience talks. Rocks are never in a hurry....
College Roomies from Hell!!! Archives [[Dave and Roger sit back-to-back in a park.]] / Roger: Now, the first step towards controlling your anger is identifying the source. What is the biggest source of annoyance in the whole world. / Dave: I know the answer to that. / Roger: The answer is not "Dave." But it's close. / Dave: Oh, you can bet it's...
College Roomies from Hell!!! Archives [[ Exterior, park bench. Roger is teaching Dave anger management through the Zen of Nonsense. Pepe, Roger's pet rock, is in Dave's lap being massaged. Roger is playing with a paddleball. ]] / Dave: Well, people are EVERYWHERE. So what can you do, besides migrating to Pluto? (or killing them all.) / Roger:...
College Roomies from Hell!!! Archives [[Dave is standing on one leg.]] / Dave: ...and, and a can of, uh, nuts? / Roger: Who can go nuts? / Dave: Uh, the... AARGH! Roger, why do I have to do this on top of a goddamned CHAIN LINK FENCE??? / Roger: 20 points less for asking. So you can tap into the flow of nonsense, even under stress. Now, who...
College Roomies from Hell!!! Archives Roger; Very well, last thing. You will receive two quests. The first is to climb up there. / Dave; .... You're not serious. / Roger; Dave, there are many things you have to learn for yourself. Go. / Dave; Roger, I'm gonna kill myself! / Roger; Naw, I promise to catch you on the first or maybe second bounce. / Dave;...
 
College Roomies from Hell!!! Archives [[Dave passes Jerry with a big smile, a song, and lots of bruises.]] / Dave: Mm HM, mmMMh, Mm! Mm hm Mm mm Mh! / Jerry: (thinking) ??? / Jerry: Ultramighty Jesus, what happened to YOU? / Dave: Wo happen? (looks at himself) ... OH. / Jerry: Did you get run over or something? / Dave: No, I um, I was just......
College Roomies from Hell!!! Archives [[ Dave in his bathroom, talking to Roger on the phone ]] / Roger: WHAT? Jesus, Dave, I just got home! / Dave: Whatever! Listen, something REALLY strange just happened to me. Instead of saying what I was thinking, I just spurted a bunch of NONSENSE! / Roger: Aha, and this is bad because...? / Dave: Because......
College Roomies from Hell!!! Archives [[ Filler sketch of Blue Green. She is swinging (what appears to be) a long-chained mace. ]] / [[ Caption reads: Gogo Blue! ]]
College Roomies from Hell!!! Archives [[In a helicopter]] / Roger: Are we THERE yet? / Margaret: Jesus, Roger. No. / Blue: Actually, we're almost there. I think. / Roger: HAH! In your face, Brownielocks! / Margaret: Aw, shut up. Anyway, time to go over the plan once again. / Blue: Okay... you guys hide while we descend on the island. I'll go talk...
College Roomies from Hell!!! Archives [[ Interior of helicopter on its way to Dun-Dun Island. Blue is at the helm, and alone in Panel ]] / Blue: Don't get me started, Dave. If it was up to me you wouldn't even be here at ALL. / Dave: Why do I have to babysit a ZOMBIE? Why is he even here??? / Blue: Because he knows how to fly the chopper. / Dave:...
 
College Roomies from Hell!!! Archives Margaret: Well, remember to keep a low profile. If you have any problem, let us know. / Dave: Are you SERIOUS? Just shut-up and go away already. / Margaret: Dave, c'mon, you know we have no choice. / Dave: Whatever. / Dave: Problems! They're going into that horrible place full of guards and torture and...
College Roomies from Hell!!! Archives [[ Dave and Zombie-Mike are alone in the helicopter. Mike grabs the top of Dave's head and starts "acting" like a hungry, brain-eating zombie. ]] / Dave: Mike, what the LIVING F--K are you doing??? Oh my GOD you're not joking. Stay away from my skull, let go of me, I'll just...!!! / [[ Dave's lasers...
College Roomies from Hell!!! Archives V.D.: Well, I'll be! What a delightful surprise! / Blue: Really? I wasn't even sure I was welcomed at all. / V.D.: And you decided to find out? Good for you. I've been asking your mother to bring you for a visit. Apparently she thinks you'd be bored. / Blue: Well, I'm not expecting a tour of the facilities......
College Roomies from Hell!!! Archives [[ Margaret and Roger in corridor outside section D ]] / Roger: Well, Margaret, here comes the easy part. / Margaret: EASY??? As if this hasn't been a total borefest so far. / Roger: That's because we rule. But I warn you, we're about to enter Section D where abhorrant freaks of nature are created by...
College Roomies from Hell!!! Archives Roger: OOOOh No, stop right there. Let's go on with the mission before we get caught. / Margaret: I love you, Mr. S, I will never leave you alone again... / Roger: Sheesh, it's just a pink and white horse with a horn. What's so special about it? / Margaret: But... but must huggle Mr. Shinysparkyglitter! / Roger:...
 
College Roomies from Hell!!! Archives Roger: Stupid Margaret. We ain't tourists here! Every minute counts! If something horrible happens, it's not my fault.
College Roomies from Hell!!! Archives [[Dr. Sydney and Berlin stand before a room containing Satan's staff]] / Berlin: Are you getting some levels on that thing? Man, talk about fireworks! / Dr. Sydney: Pretty, huh? Only we still know nothing about what makes it work. / Berlin: We'll figure it out! We can confirm sentience, after all,...
College Roomies from Hell!!! Archives [[Zombie Mike is standing in front of the neutral grey lab background, pushing the button on the remote control that frees Marsha.]] / <> / [[Zombie Mike holds out the Staff of Evil to Marsha who is approaching. Her hair falls over her eyes, giving her a blank expression. / Zombie Mike: Here's...
College Roomies from Hell!!! Archives [[ Marsha rips Mike's left arm off at the shoulder ]] / << R I I I P t>> / [[ Marsha then smacks Mike across the room with his own arm ]] / << S W A C K ! >> / Marsha: Nah. ( While tossing Mike's arm over her left shoulder )
College Roomies from Hell!!! Archives [[ Scene is top-side of Dun-Dun Island. Blue's Step- Father, Vernon, is introducing her to one of the island's scientists. ]] / Vernon: Oh, Berlin. I was just looking for you. / Berlin: Uhhh... yes sir. I was not in Section D because I was going to see the surgery. Remember we have permission...? / Vernon:...
 
College Roomies from Hell!!! Archives [[ Dave is alone in the helicopter. His nose is bleeding and he has a severe headache due to giving Mike an eye-laser blast. ]] / Dave: (thinking) *GROOOAAAN* Man, some pretty colors... ow... he's gone, isn't he... dammit, even as a zombie he keeps tricking me... Why do I have to be so goddamned STUPID......
College Roomies from Hell!!! Archives Margaret: Oh, please, will ya quit yer bitchin??? If that guard hadn't found me we wouldn't even know where Marsha is. / Ninja 2: So much for STEALTH, Margaret. / Margaret: Well, who's gonna believe a naked guy who's stoned senseless? / Ninja 2: At least now we know we cant get April. Now hush, we're going...
College Roomies from Hell!!! Archives [[Margaret and Roger are dressed in ninja outfits and are standing in front of a neutral grey background.]] / Margaret: Oh haha, okay. It's not a robot arm, because it's just a robot HAND, right? RIGHT? / Roger: Point. Still that over there is a freaking ELBOW, Margaret. There's bones in here... a...
College Roomies from Hell!!! Archives [[Inside a "lab", in front of a blackboard and various sciencey images.]] / Blue: Wow, where is everybody? Oh, don't tell me... the surgery, right? Is this the equivalent of a good party? You guys need to get out more. / Berlin: Oh, it's just a critical and new interesting procedure. For us sciencey...
College Roomies from Hell!!! Archives CRFH!!! Ten years on the wrong side of the tentacle / 1999-2009 Maritza Campos
 

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